Texts from last night - Hillarious website. [NSFW]
72 replies, posted
I used to visit that site so much.
It's about as good as things I did last night:
[url]http://www.thingsididlastnight.com/[/url]
pfffffttt mine are worse
(204): you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
(218): out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
(1-218): i gets down
(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
(636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
(631): i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
(1-631): been there done that
(540): Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
(813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That's actually a damn good idea.
[QUOTE=CaptainObvious1;18005827](617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.[/QUOTE]
:lol::lol:
(219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
[editline]07:37AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=i_speel_good;18004243](251): i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
[editline]10:36AM[/editline]
(813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
[editline]10:36AM[/editline]
(617): Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
[editline]10:36AM[/editline]
(203): thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
[editline]10:36AM[/editline]
(440): Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
[editline]10:37AM[/editline]
(219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.[/QUOTE]
CURRSE YOOOOOUUUUUuuuu
[editline]07:39AM[/editline]
(714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
[editline]07:41AM[/editline]
Oh wow this place is comedic gold:
(778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
[editline]07:42AM[/editline]
:smug: (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
(705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
(215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
(773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
(916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Holy shit, that's amazing.
(212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
(978): benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
(709): I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
(518): i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
[editline]08:30AM[/editline]
(918): the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
[editline]09:18AM[/editline]
(408): Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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