• Texts from last night - Hillarious website. [NSFW]
    72 replies, posted
I used to visit that site so much. It's about as good as things I did last night: [url]http://www.thingsididlastnight.com/[/url]
pfffffttt mine are worse
(204): you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
(218): out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down. (1-218): i gets down (617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. (636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust. (631): i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon (1-631): been there done that (540): Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
(617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
(813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! That's actually a damn good idea.
[QUOTE=CaptainObvious1;18005827](617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.[/QUOTE] :lol::lol:
(219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal. [editline]07:37AM[/editline] [QUOTE=i_speel_good;18004243](251): i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening. [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (617): Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (203): thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number. [editline]10:36AM[/editline] (440): Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade. [editline]10:37AM[/editline] (219): Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.[/QUOTE] CURRSE YOOOOOUUUUUuuuu [editline]07:39AM[/editline] (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me [editline]07:41AM[/editline] Oh wow this place is comedic gold: (778): I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy [editline]07:42AM[/editline] :smug: (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. (773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet. (916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Holy shit, that's amazing.
(212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
(978): benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are. (709): I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again. (518): i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors [editline]08:30AM[/editline] (918): the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing. [editline]09:18AM[/editline] (408): Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
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