[QUOTE=Lonestriper;25239874]Tbh, her forehead is way to large[/QUOTE]
Not at all.
[QUOTE=Ghibli;25239358]looks really good, but she's got sort of dead eyes[/QUOTE]
Indeed, a blank stare.
this is really good. the way you painted the eyes is amazing.
The eyes are too round though. Should be more oval, considering where she's looking.
Only crit I got for this is the OP didn't reveal what medium he used for doing this or the techniques. Otherwise his work is always a feast for the eyes.
[QUOTE=LarparNar;25243819]The eyes are too round though. Should be more oval, considering where she's looking.[/QUOTE]
seems to be it's just because her eyes are open wide they look fine
Glasses are phony. She's not a geek, she's phony!
[QUOTE=3v3ryb0dy;25244641]Glasses are phony. She's not a geek, she's phony![/QUOTE]
Yep.
Geek glasses;
[img_thumb]http://www.prescriptionglassesonline.net/prescription_glasses/N2048C.jpg[/img_thumb]
Hipster glasses;
[img_thumb]http://www.geekeyeglasses.com/wp-content/gallery/80/2021-polo-eyeglasses-5001.jpg[/img_thumb]
It's an overall nice piece, and I feel as though it deserves some time for a good critique.
[img]http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/2246/32497256.jpg[/img]
Okay given the fact that the original you chose had the top of the head clipped off, It could have been hard to approximate how much head you should have drawn on the top. It feels as though you drew a bit too much.
Now, for the reflected lights, you have your reflected lights coming it waay too bright in comparison to your direct light. Never in any situation is reflected light brighter, or as bright as any point on a surface being hit by direct light.
If you are not sure as to what I am talking about, well then reflected light is where you have direct light that hits her face, and her shoulders, and is bouncing off her shoulder and hitting the underside of her jaw which is in shadow, this is how you get a nice elegant SUBTLE separation of the jawline. Same with the nose, the reflected lgith right under her nostril is too bright, it can be compared with the lightness of the wing of her nose in your piece. Also your nose does not appear 3d enough because well, think of the nose as a cylinder with a sphere at the end. Unless it has light coming from behind it, the sides of the nose will never be as bright as the center of it, right now her right side of the nose edge, is flat, it's not forming any shadow. Like a sphere or cylinder would if light was coming straight at it.
Example:What it should be:
[img]http://etc.usf.edu/clipart/4000/4068/cylinder_1_sm.gif[/img]
What you have:
[img]http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/2008/89299781.jpg[/img]
You need to properly separate your cast shadows and form shadows, this being hard and crisp shadows formed by an object like the jaw casting a sharp shadow on her neck, or a form shadow where you have a change in plane, or form subtly so that you get a nice gradient from different planes in the head. Right now you lack in proper cast shadows, compare the crispness of her jaw line cast shadow on the neck to the original picture, now also look around everywhere, do you find any real cast shadow? You kind of have none, you even missed the cast shadow being dropped by the glasses, right above her cheekbone, on the side of her face.
As for the nose, you have done the shading a bit too blocky and clunkyly, You need to darken up some of the cast shadows and core shadows, you have a nice plane change going on for the side of the nose, but the bottom and the nostril needs some work.
Like look at the underside of the nose, in both the picture and your piece, you can see a shadow being placed right under where the nose hits the face, its not really that subtle, kind of hard to explain with text where it is exactly i'm talking about. You can see it if you look at the reflected light under the black nostril goes towards the left and hooks up into the nose, and under that you have it a bit darker. You also have too much space from the nose to the lips.
As for the eyes, this is my favorite part of the piece, it seems you spent more time on here than the rest of the painting.
2 Things that really bug me though, I'm not sure if you were going for the shocked look and opened her eyes up wide, or it was because you didn't know how to draw an eyelid. Look in the original, you can clearly see its not just all blacked out with eyelashes on the top, you can see the formation of the eyelid coming down a bit over the iris making her look a bit more relaxed instead of coked up on cocaine. you seem to have a start of the eyelid on the inner part of the eye, however you just start blacking it out all a bit too high.
Second when someone has a glare or highlight in their pupil, it means they are almost 100% blinded by the light and cannot see properly, however models take a bit of it subtly and not too much so they don't get blinded, but still have a nice little glare for attractiveness' sake. You have exaggerated this a bit too much, judging by the brightness in your eye's pupil highlights compared to the brightest part of the rest of the drawing, I would certainty think she's completely blinded as of right now, which doesn't make sense seeing as her eyes are opened up wide. Her eyes are also not leveled, your painting has her right eye too high up, compared to the reference.
Don't think that because you are drawing from a photo that you need to copy it exactly, we are artists, what separates us from photography is we can photoshop while we capture the essence of a persons presence rather than capture all the faults, and exaggerate things that make sense and have a point. Such as atmospheric perspective, she's in a photography shoot with washed out light so this sort of thing isn't as clear as it could be, you managed to capture this on parts of her face, but you should also do it on parts like the lips, the side of the lips that are in more direct light should be darker than the side that has less, the right side of her lips should be darker than her left side. This is a reason why you lips kind of look like a flat picture copy pasted onto a persons face.
You also don't have enough plane changes and form changes going on throughout the face giving her a really washed out look, all though her piece is very subtle with this, anything that shows form for a piece trying to be realistic is better, so this is one of those things you should try and exaggerate, look at right under the right part of her lips edge, you can see a distinct difference between her cheek, and under he lip. You need to use more variations from light to dark to show more form, like under her lips is too grayed out and could have a nice dark cast shadow that would push the bright lips out a bit.
Observe the lips, look at which one is brighter than the other, they cant be the same level of lightness because the light source would have to be straight on at a 90 degree angle to the lips, and we know that's not true because based off the shadows of the nose, and the highlights in the eye we can see the light source is some where in front and above her. So by looking carefully you can note her upper lip is darker than her bottom lip, you're piece doesn't show this as much, the darkest point of your upper lip is almost the same as the darkest point of your lower lip. Try to push the lighting by darkening up the upper lip a bit.
On a small side note, her chin is a bit too angled, chins usually if at a linear perspective (ie: not looking from up to down, or down to up)will end up looking horizontal, as long as you are at a horizontal level with her.
As for the hair, my least favorite part of your piece, well, unless the hair was supposed to be the main focal point of your piece you should have softened up the brushwork, everything is WAAY to crisp for something that isn't the focal point, I mean at least in compared to the rest of the soft drawing, it's way too sharp, I mean crisping shadows is one thing, but using a brush that draws each individual strands, makes it seem really out of place and too sharp n focused, so it fights a lot with the detail of your eyes, and ruins the balance of the piece.
Also, again I'll mention how you are an artist and not a photographer, you shouldn't copy and paste a photo sort to speak, you should try to improve what you see, you are not trying to display what you see in another persons work (photograph), but try to show what you see with your own eyes. Try playing around with shadow color instead of having dull gray shadows. I really don't like your shadow work because of how dull colored they are, never on human skin will you see a grey shadow, you will either have a warm shadow, or a cool shadow compared to the light source of course. Here based on the reference piece, I think there is a cool light, hence the warm shadow. Look at the grayness of your jaw line, compare it with the warm orangeyness of the reference jaw line.
Also if you wanted this piece to be more "geeky" than "hipster-ish" you could lighten up the space in the empty glass frames to create the illusion that those are real glasses, which is what a geek would rather wear than fake glasses for fashions sake.
After reading TheLazyLion's critique, and staring at the picture for a long time, I have come to the conclusion that she has a funny shaped nose (not a drawing error, her nose really is oddly shaped)
good drawing by FeDre, and equally good critique by TheLazyLion
all in all a marvellous spread.
[QUOTE=Barnhouse;25276971]After reading TheLazyLion's critique, and staring at the picture for a long time, I have come to the conclusion that she has a funny shaped nose (not a drawing error, her nose really is oddly shaped)
good drawing by FeDre, and equally good critique by TheLazyLion
all in all a marvellous spread.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, yeah one of the first things I noticed about Susan is her nose, not really the most attractive part of her, but she is an overall pretty looking person.
Very interesting critique theLazyLion
A lot of your points I already noticed them right after finishing it, but I forced myself not to change it so I could spot the errors that needs to be corrected for my future works, that's my way to progress as an artist.
What bothers me the most in the painting are the lips and the nose. I can't stand them, also the shape of the head is a little off comparing it to the original.
However, there's a shadow from the glasses on the cheek, but it's very subtle, I did worked on it but I guess it was not as noticeable as I wished.
I somewhat agree with the hair rendered too sharply but that was because my main focus was to achieve photorealism, trying to do a carbon 1:1 copy of the picture, of course I've failed on that but with more practice maybe one day...
The work was rushed as hell. If I took 3 more hours on the painting I'm pretty sure a lot of your complaints could have been fixed (like the lighting in the jawline, the nostril). But alas, the idea was to do something good enough in little time, even with all the flaws.
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I really appreciate that you took your time writing it.
Her eyes are going in two different directions.
5 hours? Hot damn. I've been working for 7 and I have nothing near this quality or anyway near completion.
Hair is done very well
[editline]02:36PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=theLazyLion;25276679]It's an overall nice piece, and I feel as though it deserves some time for a good critique.
[img_thumb]http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/2246/32497256.jpg[/img_thumb]
Okay given the fact that the original you chose had the top of the head clipped off, It could have been hard to approximate how much head you should have drawn on the top. It feels as though you drew a bit too much.
Now, for the reflected lights, you have your reflected lights coming it waay too bright in comparison to your direct light. Never in any situation is reflected light brighter, or as bright as any point on a surface being hit by direct light.
If you are not sure as to what I am talking about, well then reflected light is where you have direct light that hits her face, and her shoulders, and is bouncing off her shoulder and hitting the underside of her jaw which is in shadow, this is how you get a nice elegant SUBTLE separation of the jawline. Same with the nose, the reflected lgith right under her nostril is too bright, it can be compared with the lightness of the wing of her nose in your piece. Also your nose does not appear 3d enough because well, think of the nose as a cylinder with a sphere at the end. Unless it has light coming from behind it, the sides of the nose will never be as bright as the center of it, right now her right side of the nose edge, is flat, it's not forming any shadow. Like a sphere or cylinder would if light was coming straight at it.
Example:What it should be:
[img_thumb]http://etc.usf.edu/clipart/4000/4068/cylinder_1_sm.gif[/img_thumb]
What you have:
[img_thumb]http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/128/60162800.jpg[/img_thumb]
You need to properly separate your cast shadows and form shadows, this being hard and crisp shadows formed by an object like the jaw casting a sharp shadow on her neck, or a form shadow where you have a change in plane, or form subtly so that you get a nice gradient from different planes in the head. Right now you lack in proper cast shadows, compare the crispness of her jaw line cast shadow on the neck to the original picture, now also look around everywhere, do you find any real cast shadow? You kind of have none, you even missed the cast shadow being dropped by the glasses, right above her cheekbone, on the side of her face.
As for the nose, you have done the shading a bit too blocky and clunkyly, You need to darken up some of the cast shadows and core shadows, you have a nice plane change going on for the side of the nose, but the bottom and the nostril needs some work.
Like look at the underside of the nose, in both the picture and your piece, you can see a shadow being placed right under where the nose hits the face, its not really that subtle, kind of hard to explain with text where it is exactly i'm talking about. You can see it if you look at the reflected light under the black nostril goes towards the left and hooks up into the nose, and under that you have it a bit darker. You also have too much space from the nose to the lips.
As for the eyes, this is my favorite part of the piece, it seems you spent more time on here than the rest of the painting.
2 Things that really bug me though, I'm not sure if you were going for the shocked look and opened her eyes up wide, or it was because you didn't know how to draw an eyelid. Look in the original, you can clearly see its not just all blacked out with eyelashes on the top, you can see the formation of the eyelid coming down a bit over the iris making her look a bit more relaxed instead of coked up on cocaine. you seem to have a start of the eyelid on the inner part of the eye, however you just start blacking it out all a bit too high.
Second when someone has a glare or highlight in their pupil, it means they are almost 100% blinded by the light and cannot see properly, however models take a bit of it subtly and not too much so they don't get blinded, but still have a nice little glare for attractiveness' sake. You have exaggerated this a bit too much, judging by the brightness in your eye's pupil highlights compared to the brightest part of the rest of the drawing, I would certainty think she's completely blinded as of right now, which doesn't make sense seeing as her eyes are opened up wide. Her eyes are also not leveled, your painting has her right eye too high up, compared to the reference.
Don't think that because you are drawing from a photo that you need to copy it exactly, we are artists, what separates us from photography is we can photoshop while we capture the essence of a persons presence rather than capture all the faults, and exaggerate things that make sense and have a point. Such as atmospheric perspective, she's in a photography shoot with washed out light so this sort of thing isn't as clear as it could be, you managed to capture this on parts of her face, but you should also do it on parts like the lips, the side of the lips that are in more direct light should be darker than the side that has less, the right side of her lips should be darker than her left side. This is a reason why you lips kind of look like a flat picture copy pasted onto a persons face.
You also don't have enough plane changes and form changes going on throughout the face giving her a really washed out look, all though her piece is very subtle with this, anything that shows form for a piece trying to be realistic is better, so this is one of those things you should try and exaggerate, look at right under the right part of her lips edge, you can see a distinct difference between her cheek, and under he lip. You need to use more variations from light to dark to show more form, like under her lips is too grayed out and could have a nice dark cast shadow that would push the bright lips out a bit.
Observe the lips, look at which one is brighter than the other, they cant be the same level of lightness because the light source would have to be straight on at a 90 degree angle to the lips, and we know that's not true because based off the shadows of the nose, and the highlights in the eye we can see the light source is some where in front and above her. So by looking carefully you can note her upper lip is darker than her bottom lip, you're piece doesn't show this as much, the darkest point of your upper lip is almost the same as the darkest point of your lower lip. Try to push the lighting by darkening up the upper lip a bit.
On a small side note, her chin is a bit too angled, chins usually if at a linear perspective (ie: not looking from up to down, or down to up)will end up looking horizontal, as long as you are at a horizontal level with her.
As for the hair, my least favorite part of your piece, well, unless the hair was supposed to be the main focal point of your piece you should have softened up the brushwork, everything is WAAY to crisp for something that isn't the focal point, I mean at least in compared to the rest of the soft drawing, it's way too sharp, I mean crisping shadows is one thing, but using a brush that draws each individual strands, makes it seem really out of place and too sharp n focused, so it fights a lot with the detail of your eyes, and ruins the balance of the piece.
Also, again I'll mention how you are an artist and not a photographer, you shouldn't copy and paste a photo sort to speak, you should try to improve what you see, you are not trying to display what you see in another persons work (photograph), but try to show what you see with your own eyes. Try playing around with shadow color instead of having dull gray shadows. I really don't like your shadow work because of how dull colored they are, never on human skin will you see a grey shadow, you will either have a warm shadow, or a cool shadow compared to the light source of course. Here based on the reference piece, I think there is a cool light, hence the warm shadow. Look at the grayness of your jaw line, compare it with the warm orangeyness of the reference jaw line.
Also if you wanted this piece to be more "geeky" than "hipster-ish" you could lighten up the space in the empty glass frames to create the illusion that those are real glasses, which is what a geek would rather wear than fake glasses for fashions sake.[/QUOTE]
:golfclap:
Very good read.
I'd do her.
[QUOTE=FreDre;25281229]
A lot of your points I already noticed them right after finishing it, but I forced myself not to change it so I could spot the errors that needs to be corrected for my future works, that's my way to progress as an artist.
[/QUOTE]
Try not to do this, please complete your work as an artist and only try to post pieces online when you are fully satisfied and know(think) you have no more errors, best way to learn off of critiques. You can always just save as a backup version with all the mistakes and use that as a guide for later use, and have yourself a flawless version of the same painting for clarities sake..
[QUOTE=FreDre;25281229]
What bothers me the most in the painting are the lips and the nose. I can't stand them[/QUOTE]
I had nothing to do for about 20 minutes and it seems you really wanted some help with them.
[img]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/12913216/Critiques/nose%20lips%20coffey.png[/img]
[editline]08:51AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Mokkan13;25311463]Hair is done very well
[editline]02:36PM[/editline]
:golfclap:
Very good read.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, I'll accept requests for critiques via pm if anyone wants, I'll post it in their thread once I'm done.. I just wont critique work in progresses and pieces that don't look like they had too much time spent on them.
Critique should be there now.
i'd hit that with the force of a thousand titans.
Doesn't look geeky to me.
Add some zits/pimples and give her a fat face.
There you go, a geek girl.
Great drawing and one of the best critiques I've seen here from theLazyLion.
TheLazyLion for best creationism corner user 2010.
Holy shit
That's dedication TheLazyLion!
Thanks for the constructive criticism, once again
Isn't Susan Coffey the girl Ryu-Gi wanted to rape?
that's not what geek girls look like, maybe in your dreams, but no
[img]http://hfwiki.vibrantlogic.com/w/images/6/6a/Ugly_girl.jpg[/img]
That's what they look like
[QUOTE=theLazyLion;25276679]It's an overall nice piece, and I feel as though it deserves some time for a good critique.
[/QUOTE]
Ok, now we need to clone you and put in every CC thread where OP wants to improve. I'm so tired of hearing things like "You should stop drawing" and "Put your pencil away" especially when author asks for criticism and he knows that he's not very good. Rated myself agree because my inner newbie artist agrees with me.
op's picture isn't of a geek it's of a hipster.
Looks nice. I like it.
Holy shit, that is amazing.
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