[QUOTE=Joscpe;46531463]Playing Loadout. Played a round with a dev member, and absolutely wrecked his score.
How is that working for you? Do you find they really help, they make things more content, or that they form a sort of dependency?[/QUOTE]
genuinely helps, so long as I don't abuse them, definitely more content but it's more just functionality and able to express willpower over my life,
doesn't make the willpower any easier in it self, its more like it connects the ends together and makes me just /me/, where as without it
i'm in a constant battle with myself trying to take control but failing miserably
binged last time because of some behavioural/habitual response, situational more than likely + the added temptation of just having them all there,
this time, i've got my parents controlling my dispensing of dosages so that shouldn't be an issue
literally just cleared up a week's worth of backlog tasks in what took me like 10 minutes...
now i'm in clean cycle with a tad bit of distraction but not enough to be focus trapped like usual
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=greeds;46531502]are you getting high on legal drugs only now?[/QUOTE]
I don't really get high with the medication, even during the binge I didn't particularly feel high, just.. obsessed? more than anything
left me feeling pretty depressed, tbh
but yeah, i'm trying to avoid illegal substances as much as possible,
they fuck with my head too much
example: last time I smoked weed I was paranoid about cops and super over-analytical about everything i'd been doing up until that point
this was in the safety of my own home, socially it's even worse.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=The Aussie;46531465]Is that a good thing or a bad thing?[/QUOTE]
i'd say it's a very good thing for the most part, because the meds are the one thing that's helped me overcome shit, last few months, with the exception of that episode, has been the best and most forward focused time period of my life, able to actually get shit on track and follow through with things, and take my self and my life seriously. Without it, life is a fucking joke to me and I have a very short-sighted sense of my own actions, let alone any sense of being /in control/ of the choices I make and the things I do
i'm just surprised because I told my doc about the binge episode outright, he was a little wary of putting me back on at first and recommended coaching but when he learned that past psychological help with CBT techniques didn't work much at all for me he opted to put me back on but get someone else in charge of my supply so that I don't run the risk of a hefty binge again, and that's honestly pretty much what I wanted
I was considering long-release as opposed to instant release for extra safeguarding but it's like 50-60 bucks a month for those preparations so he said 'you can if you want but it will cost you a lot more, probably easier to see how this goes for now and then switch later down the line if needed'
will be going through with coaching next month probably as well alongside medication, but for now it's basically another trial month to see how I go with things
What are the meds for?
(if you don't mind me asking, if you've said prior, I've missed it, or thought it was another user)
[QUOTE=Joscpe;46531587]What are the meds for?
(if you don't mind me asking, if you've said prior, I've missed it, or thought it was another user)[/QUOTE]
adhd, ritalin
Well, that's good news i guess. Best of luck.
Smoking really sucks when you're super depressed. Whenever I get high now I just think of all the weird things I do and criticize my self so hard, fuck.
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46531589]adhd, ritalin[/QUOTE]
Ah, I was on Vyvanse, but I don't have enough money to afford ADHD drugs anymore, and I also couldn't get a way back to that doctor then, so I just suddenly disappeared.
But the meds helped slightly in some ways, and made things worse in others. For instance, my insomnia was worsened, and I didn't eat or feel the need to eat for days. Besides that, I didn't become any more focused or able to focus on things I [i]knew[/i] I should be focused on. However, it did streamline my 7-10 different streams of thoughts into fewer more concentrated streams. By that, it made some things easier, but it didn't help a few of my other mental issues I seem to have going on.
In all honesty, I don't think I [i]truly[/i] trust his evaluation. I do have a lot if not all ADHD symptoms, though I view those as general human symptoms, only they are more pronounced in those with ADHD. It makes sense given things I've done in my past and such, and what I suffer on a daily basis. Though there seems to be much more too it than what they describe to me. I have an inability to speak to the doctors, maybe I'd be best seeing them drunk. But, I seem to have shit in my head going on which leads closer towards schizophrenia and borderline personality. However, I can't speak any of it.
My anxieties forbid it, the margin I've constructed between me and others prevents it, my inability to put thoughts into words obscure it.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
I was going to post about how I delete or forbid most of what I'm going to say, but then I deleted it, and posted what I could while I could. This is my way of salvaging that thought, but I'm still stopping myself from deleting it.
[QUOTE=Joscpe;46531667]Ah, I was on Vyvanse, but I don't have enough money to afford ADHD drugs anymore, and I also couldn't get a way back to that doctor then, so I just suddenly disappeared.
But the meds helped slightly in some ways, and made things worse in others. For instance, my insomnia was worsened, and I didn't eat or feel the need to eat for days. Besides that, I didn't become any more focused or able to focus on things I [i]knew[/i] I should be focused on. However, it did streamline my 7-10 different streams of thoughts into fewer more concentrated streams. By that, it made some things easier, but it didn't help a few of my other mental issues I seem to have going on.
In all honesty, I don't think I [i]truly[/i] trust his evaluation. I do have a lot if not all ADHD symptoms, though I view those as general human symptoms, only they are more pronounced in those with ADHD. It makes sense given things I've done in my past and such, and what I suffer on a daily basis. Though there seems to be much more too it than what they describe to me. I have an inability to speak to the doctors, maybe I'd be best seeing them drunk. But, I seem to have shit in my head going on which leads closer towards schizophrenia and borderline personality. However, I can't speak any of it.
My anxieties forbid it, the margin I've constructed between me and others prevents it, my inability to put thoughts into words obscure it.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
I was going to post about how I delete or forbid most of what I'm going to say, but then I deleted it, and posted what I could while I could. This is my way of salvaging that thought, but I'm still stopping myself from deleting it.[/QUOTE]
i know the feeling man, and if meds weren't helping you with your life then there's no reason to feel you should be on them,
a lot of ADHD symptoms are just things most people come face to face with, the difference being they're in disorderly, interfering levels. If meds didn't, in a sense, clear up the interference, chances are it's not ADHD itself, that or the medication just wasn't the right kind or dose for yourself
for myself it's like off meds i'm two different people trying to control eachother, I feel like my own body rejects me and it's very hard to sit still or even relax and be comfortable, let alone employ techniques such as meditation to do so even when I know the option is there. I literally struggle with maintaining any level of self control whether I feel like doing something or not, and feel like i'm in the passenger seat while the car more or less drives it self.
On meds,
I feel like i'm just 'me', and taking control is just doing what I do without that dissonant level of interference and self-refusal. It doesn't make the challenges of life any easier past that, distractions are still a thing, anxiety still exists, but I can force myself to do things and overcome the obstacles instead of getting stuck in a completely reactive state of being, so to speak
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46531743]for myself it's like off meds i'm two different people trying to control eachother, I feel like my own body rejects me and it's very hard to sit still or even relax and be comfortable, let alone employ techniques such as meditation to do so even when I know the option is there. I literally struggle with maintaining any level of self control whether I feel like doing something or not, and feel like i'm in the passenger seat while the car more or less drives it self.[/QUOTE]
I have this constantly. But the meds didn't seem to fix this for me. In fact I can hardly remember or recognize who I was on them.
It was more or less that the other (or even a different) personality was there in my stead. I feel that I may never overcome my condition, and instead I have invited another companion, alcohol.
Which may ultimately instate my ending demise. If I end up denying myself that, my sober self may allow for my growing insanity to cause it.
If only there were a state between drunkenness and sobriety, of which I could stay at for the remaining years...
Has anyone got or going to get farcry 4?
I'm glad most of the lake effect snow has headed East.
Sucks for the people in Buffalo, but I'm also between two lakes, and closer than them to a third lake (Huron), so I don't feel very safe. The fact that we've maybe only had a few feet at most in total, in the last week is insane.
Reminds me of in the summer, when I was across the border, in Ohio (visiting Cedar Point), and there was this huge storm going on. We didn't get much of it, where we were. We were able to see multiple, constant lightning bolts coming down across the whole lake. There were power outages going on across southern Ontario, and we were sitting at the beach drinking beer, just watching all this crazy lightning all over, not having a single cloud over our heads.
Which reminds me how lucky you bastards in the US have it (at least in the case of alcohol), buying booze at the corner store or Walmart, I'd definitely take that over a lower drinking age... Specially since your gov't doesn't have absolute control over the alcohol market, so you get cheap prices and great sales.
[QUOTE=mrmr;46531793]Has anyone got or going to get farcry 4?[/QUOTE]
It's really fun. Not very well optimized but I'm a big fan. I would even say an improvement from the the third.
[QUOTE=The Aussie;46531448]How much did you take? How long ago?[/QUOTE]
I took 1.5 and it was about 20 minutes before I posted that.
I feel like the trip's over, but eh.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
One of my roommates is worried about me suddenly becoming a junkie and maybe eventually doing hard drugs. That kinda bothers me.
[QUOTE=Solomon;46531972]One of my roommates is worried about me suddenly becoming a junkie and maybe eventually doing hard drugs. That kinda bothers me.[/QUOTE]
That is ridiculous. I was set on trying shrooms long before I thought I'd even attempt pot. I was too concerned over smoke. Also, 1.5 grams is almost comparable to really high amounts of weed as far as I'm concerned, you've had a toe dip into what a shroom trip is. If you had taken so much as double that, you'd get a true glimpse into the shroom world. I've only done up to about 5 grams, and I'd love to do more, maybe 8 grams.
Shrooms are my favourite, and I only truly feal [i]real[/i] while in that trip, if people understand what I mean.
I've done shrooms multiple times, and aside from preexisting conditions, I haven't had any issues. So fuck what those people think. The only 'hard drug' I've tried thus far, is cocaine, and neither shrooms or weed influenced that decision.
If anything, I'd say alcohol was more of an influence on that aspect, and even still, there's nothing regrettable about it. I had a blast, I absolutely have no addiction.
hey have you guys seen this video yet? Pretty funny
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRBAZJ4lF0U[/media]
Speaking of alcohol, here it is again with the god damn shakes. It's hot as hell in here, and yet I quiver.
I've had a few run-ins with heavy alcohol abuse, and it seems now every time I drink a bit, I get the shivers, and a constriction in my chest.
Badass grandmas dude, I'd smoke with em
[QUOTE=Faren;46532100]hey have you guys seen this video yet? Pretty funny
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRBAZJ4lF0U[/media][/QUOTE]
That's awesome, made me smile watching them, haha.
[QUOTE=Lick;46531866]It's really fun. Not very well optimized but I'm a big fan. I would even say an improvement from the the third.[/QUOTE]
I wanna try the coop, would you be up for it?
[QUOTE=Joscpe;46532097]That is ridiculous. I was set on trying shrooms long before I thought I'd even attempt pot. I was too concerned over smoke. Also, 1.5 grams is almost comparable to really high amounts of weed as far as I'm concerned, you've had a toe dip into what a shroom trip is. If you had taken so much as double that, you'd get a true glimpse into the shroom world. I've only done up to about 5 grams, and I'd love to do more, maybe 8 grams.
Shrooms are my favourite, and I only truly feal [i]real[/i] while in that trip, if people understand what I mean.
I've done shrooms multiple times, and aside from preexisting conditions, I haven't had any issues. So fuck what those people think. The only 'hard drug' I've tried thus far, is cocaine, and neither shrooms or weed influenced that decision.
If anything, I'd say alcohol was more of an influence on that aspect, and even still, there's nothing regrettable about it. I had a blast, I absolutely have no addiction.[/QUOTE]
Well, the rationale behind it is that ive been smoking and drinking a LOT since all this started, and what if I went too far because apparently I'm all like LOL DRUGS GUYS and that shit.
Do you think it's a possibility
I don't know and that's what bothers me.
[QUOTE=Solomon;46532182]I don't know and that's what bothers me.[/QUOTE]
Is it supported by curiosity, or is there an underlying condition or problem perpetuating this -assumed- forming habit?
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
If you're unsure, maybe you should ponder it. Ironically enough, I find it's easier to think about ideas like this while decently high on some good pot. Though, that may just be me.
When I'm sober, I'm drowned in too many thoughts, and each lead to different obscure thoughts; my depression also takes hold upon each of these, so every one of these thoughts is negative, and deconstructive.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
I also don't know what 'since this all started' truly entails, though I do recall a post about drinking and smoking so much that [i]you (if memory serves correctly)[/i] puked.
I don't know, but I don't understand how your roommates can instill such authority over you, are they older or something? I suppose it's nice to have people looking over you, though, those types don't seem to realize when they are being too controlling or pushy, and it can become extremely counterproductive.
I suppose the best advice an anonymous person on the internet could give is... Do some research and look out for yourself man.
Reach your limits, and recognize them. Stray from addiction, but have fun with what you can.
I knew from a pretty young age I'd end up using hard drugs. Started with weed and psychedelics first though, can't say they had a direct impact but being around the drug culture sure took away the guilt of trying harder substances. To the point where I really don't think of them any differently. At least for me that's how it worked.
At the beginning of November, I traveled across the country and moved in with some friends. I'm 19, and I'm transgender. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Things here are supposed to be better for me. A new beginning, new start. Etcetera. I was willing to try new things, and I still am. I tried weed for the first time on the day I arrived, the evening of the fourth. I ended up smoking a LOT whenever it was offered to me. There was one night where one of the roommates friends brought some alcohol and I drank a lot. Ontop of smoking. I got fucked up because I'd managed to somehow make myself depressed again and it made me feel better for a bit. That's the night I ended up puking.
I stopped smoking after that, but there are still drugs I want to try (Namely DMT and Peyote). I tried shrooms tonight after I told a roommate that I was upset that they'd trip without me (mostly just me feeling left out because depression shit). They went out and got me shrooms. That's nice of them, but the post isn't about that.
The perpetuating problem is my depression and my apparent craze for smoking and trying new drugs.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
I really only want to try psychedelics.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
Guess I'm just looking for new experiences or something.
[QUOTE=mrmr;46532385]I knew from a pretty young age I'd end up using hard drugs. Started with weed and psychedelics first though, can't say they had a direct impact but being around the drug culture sure took away the guilt of trying harder substances. To the point where I really don't think of them any differently. At least for me that's how it worked.[/QUOTE]
i remember getting into ritalin and hash at around 12 years of age. i always wanted to try whatever i could get my hands on, while staying safe of course.
nowadays there's pretty much no difference to my friends and i, whether we're sitting around smoking bowls or snorting lines of cocaine.
Depression and hard drugs go hand in hand, something to be mindful of. I can't see any reason not to go ahead with trying psychedelics though. Maybe try and get them from someone else if you can.
I'm supposed to ring up the college and apologise for not coming in (i should have, they wanted to help me get an apprenticeship cause i've quit a-levels but i was too apathetic to even give a shit, i need to sort it out) but i can't bring myself to do it, fuck.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
While we're on the subject of psychedelics, I so wish I had a mate who would use that sort of thing with me, most people I know think anything other than weed makes you a crackhead lol.
[QUOTE=Solomon;46532427]At the beginning of November, I traveled across the country and moved in with some friends. I'm 19, and I'm transgender. I've struggled with depression for most of my life. Things here are supposed to be better for me. A new beginning, new start. Etcetera. I was willing to try new things, and I still am. I tried weed for the first time on the day I arrived, the evening of the fourth. I ended up smoking a LOT whenever it was offered to me. There was one night where one of the roommates friends brought some alcohol and I drank a lot. Ontop of smoking. I got fucked up because I'd managed to somehow make myself depressed again and it made me feel better for a bit. That's the night I ended up puking.
I stopped smoking after that, but there are still drugs I want to try (Namely DMT and Peyote). I tried shrooms tonight after I told a roommate that I was upset that they'd trip without me (mostly just me feeling left out because depression shit). They went out and got me shrooms. That's nice of them, but the post isn't about that.
The perpetuating problem is my depression and my apparent craze for smoking and trying new drugs.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
I really only want to try psychedelics.
[editline]20th November 2014[/editline]
Guess I'm just looking for new experiences or something.[/QUOTE]
I can relate to the psychs. My favorite drug so far is shrooms, and I'd absolutely love to do acid, and dmt. Problem being that there are no local connections here...
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