[QUOTE=explodingape;46639494]:words:[/QUOTE]
You're an awesome person mate, someone I'm very glad to have met. These problems can be sorted out and once you get back on friendly soil I'm sure you'll look at things differently.
The few times I was in Hong Kong the only friend person I met was the taxi driver who gave me a bottle of water for free. Then again I did seriously fuck up this little shop that was full of like Chineese fans, was pretty embarrassing.
[QUOTE=mrmr;46643073]You're an awesome person mate, someone I'm very glad to have met. These problems can be sorted out and once you get back on friendly soil I'm sure you'll look at things differently.
The few times I was in Hong Kong the only friend person I met was the taxi driver who gave me a bottle of water for free. Then again I did seriously fuck up this little shop that was full of like Chineese fans, was pretty embarrassing.[/QUOTE]
I would love to go to Hong Kong, it's one of my life long dreams. How much did it cost, and how was the experience in general?
I'm sorry to get off the topic of your post but Hong Kong is a place I have [i]always[/i] wanted to experience. Was it worth it, whatever expenses you've paid (if you don't mind sharing them)?
All of this goes double for Tokyo, Japan if anyone who is foreign has visited.
I stopped there on route two times to Australia, so I only stayed for a couple of days and it was pretty expensive for the entire round trip (can't remember the exact figure).
It was certainly interesting to see such a different culture. Watching the Simpsons had never been so funny with it being dubbed. Went up this tram rail to the top of one of the mountains and stood inside the clouds as they passed over, that was rad. I wish I had been able to see more.
I stayed in this real nice hotel which had a swimming pool on the roof, the view was fantastic. Though I'd say I had more fun with my Australian family after Hong Kong but that's bound to be the case.
[editline]5th December 2014[/editline]
lol just remembered. I passed out on the plane just before landing in HK. So the flight staff gave me free water and all the kit-kats they had left on board, was great. Until I left the remainder of them in OZ, very upsetting.
i've been noticing as of late that I get a very subtle 'visual snow' kind of effect most noticable in areas of low light/shade during daylight, comparable to that of very light sprinkling rain but not constantly falling down in terms of motion, more random patterns etc like a tv screen (but definitely nowhere near as intense). It's very subtle, like, mild as all hell not enough to really catch my attention most of the time; i'm pretty sure to some degree it's always been a thing but only recently i've become particularly aware of it, kinda cool in a way, only really noticed recently during meditation sessions and whatever because I can actually pay attention to perceptual things with the clear state of mind my meds offer (as opposed to being super caught up in endless contemplative tangential thoughts and all that jazz)
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46643145]i've been noticing as of late that I get a very subtle 'visual snow' kind of effect most noticable in areas of low light/shade during daylight, comparable to that of very light sprinkling rain but not constantly falling down in terms of motion, more random patterns etc like a tv screen (but definitely nowhere near as intense). It's very subtle, like, mild as all hell not enough to really catch my attention most of the time; i'm pretty sure to some degree it's always been a thing but only recently i've become particularly aware of it, kinda cool in a way, only really noticed recently during meditation sessions and whatever because I can actually pay attention to perceptual things with the clear state of mind my meds offer (as opposed to being super caught up in endless contemplative tangential thoughts and all that jazz)[/QUOTE]
I've gotten sparkles, in the sense of they appear as white dots and fade to black and disappear, then that's it and it happens pretty quickly every so often. I don't know what it is I can only hope it isn't a negative thing in regards to my vision. I have no contacts or glasses if that even means anything.
I have taken psychedelics among many other things by the way.
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46643145]i've been noticing as of late that I get a very subtle 'visual snow' kind of effect most noticable in areas of low light/shade during daylight, comparable to that of very light sprinkling rain but not constantly falling down in terms of motion, more random patterns etc like a tv screen (but definitely nowhere near as intense). It's very subtle, like, mild as all hell not enough to really catch my attention most of the time; i'm pretty sure to some degree it's always been a thing but only recently i've become particularly aware of it, kinda cool in a way, only really noticed recently during meditation sessions and whatever because I can actually pay attention to perceptual things with the clear state of mind my meds offer (as opposed to being super caught up in endless contemplative tangential thoughts and all that jazz)[/QUOTE]
Started getting/noticing this on ritalin, as well as floaters that grabbed my attention. Was later put on an SSRI that made my vision a glitchy mess with tracers and phosphenes.
Today, approximately a year after, I still have those same issues but to a lesser degree.
Currently on Stratterra which hasn't seemed to change the symptoms.
I also saw a neurologist and had an eye exam, which concluded nothing was wrong.
The neurologist told me that I'm extremely sensitive though, and said I should never consume psychedelics because of that.
I very much believe him since I had slight HPPD after 1.5g shroom trip, and was pretty much incapacitated by 2.5
I've had intense visual snow ever since I took Ritalin. I can't see flat areas of color, and sometimes it can make it hard to detect subtle changes in color.
My current hypothesis is it has either to do with a serotonin receptor site or acetylcholine layer in the visual cortex (which is supposedly very plastic), but it's all based on loose shit I've read here and there.
I also talk to a psychologist once in a while that told me his patients that disassociate a lot sometimes get these symptoms.
Cannabis modulates acetylcholine selectively afaik, so maybe if I don't smoke and use my vision regularly(i disassociate a lot, and don't really control my vision) it will gradually return to normal.
[QUOTE=Slim Charles;46633440]luke skywalker aint nothing but a punk ass bitch
[img]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/255920778/danktrooper.jpg[/img][/QUOTE]
Dude I thought this was a real person in a stormtrooper costume/suit holding huge ass nugs of weed. Seriously I was like, what the shit to you have to feed your weed for it to grow to dimensions like that.
I didn't notice till you mentioned it...
I haven't become mad or angry over much in the past year. I attribute this change to my grander change brought upon by psychedelic. Anyone else?
thing is my vision has never been 'crystal clear perfect'
had floaters, little things buzzing around and static in darkness (Especially after being exposed to light) ever since I was a kid
but this visual noise is a little different in a sense, almost like everything has a very soft, barely noticable 'sparkling' to it, but once again it's extremely mild and barely noticable, and seems to be most prominent in areas of darkness (like shadows, etc) so I think it might just be a contrast thing (eyes are used to brightness but trying to make up for the darker areas without going full night vision mode, or something?). not sure if it's just because i'm suddenly more aware of it because i'm not super caught up in headspace and paying more attention to what i'm actually perceiving or what, I don't really notice it when i'm not on my meds but then i'm not usually paying attention to much of anything when i'm not on meds; once again because i'll be having lots of random ass thoughts and all that shit that create a chaotic world of perceived 'meaning' so to speak. Like, if i'm trying to meditate i'll need to have my eyes closed and even then i'm caught up in endless thoughts which I can't seem to let go of, where as eyes opened it's endless tangents, I could look at a tree and find myself shortly down the line contemplating the effects of global warming on penguins or some shit until I realize i'm actively thinking a lot, try again, rinse repeat with some other object, where as on meds it's a bit more like it is what it is, meditative resting state, but as such I become more aware of my actual perceptual field in a sense and 'taking it all in' more or less. A very nice calm sense of things, the snow is just something i've become aware of in the process of those kinda meditations
To be fair I have done a lot of acid, nbomes etc and also shrooms a good few times as well as the MDMA and what not, so if it was made more severe by anything in particular i'd attribute it to that but honestly it doesn't seem so bad that it's 'un-natural', just kinda peculiar in a sense
interesting to hear that those of you that have been on ritalin have noticed it as well though, raises a few questions for me but I don't think it's anything to worry about too much (considering I only really notice it if i'm looking for it or otherwise paying a lot of attention to my perception/awareness in that meditative state) but i'll definitely keep it in the back of my mind that if it gets worse over time it's probably in relation to meds and worth bringing up with my psych or something
Do they make left handed jet fighters
[QUOTE=LSK;46643085]I would love to go to Hong Kong, it's one of my life long dreams. How much did it cost, and how was the experience in general?
I'm sorry to get off the topic of your post but Hong Kong is a place I have [i]always[/i] wanted to experience. Was it worth it, whatever expenses you've paid (if you don't mind sharing them)?[/QUOTE]
aww man, after living here for around half a year I can say the city is dope, i'm just not a fan of going to school here.
It's fun to walk around and just see and experience everything. Local food is real cheap, like less than $10 for a big meal at any of the little side street ground floor places. You can even go to a Michelin star dim sum restaurant for less than $30. If you're around something touristy or "foreign" it gets more expensive, even macdonolds for whatever reason.
Transport is basically free compared to the states. I've spent two hours traveling by trains and the whole journy was less than $5. cabs aren't bad either, one all the way into the city from where i'm at in the middle of nowhere would take about 45 minutes, and cost around $15 or so.
Not sure about hotels, but a few nights i've been out in the city and didn't want to go back to campus, so I rented a karaoke room of all places for around $20 and just slept night there till around six, plus two free drinks.
I'd totally recommend going.
[editline]5th December 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=mrmr;46644128]Do they make left handed jet fighters[/QUOTE]
man I hope so
I get like £58 on monday, my friend should be giving me £55 back today or tomorrow, my other friend owes me £30. Money everywhere. I need to stop buying so much food and shit when I'm out as well.
CoD is broken, won't let me join any games.
Shitty party later and I have to wear a suit. No. Wearing chinos and a shirt, not ruining my good suit for a girl I don't even know. Can't even buy alcohol there, off to get some beer.
maybe if i study high
take my finals high
ill get high grades!
Going to a shady part of town to find a PS2. Hopefully I can find a health store in the area.
i'm having a hard time finding a christmas present for the misses.
[editline]5th December 2014[/editline]
been having a really productive day and i've spent it with my mother. it's been chill.
i've only first gotten on the pc now and i haven't smoked at all so far either.
[sp]i'm probably going to spark a fat one a little later though[/sp]
Taking LSD with people who treat all drugs as party drugs isn't the best.
I haven't been here in a while. I'm stoned as shit right now, I've missed you guys.
[QUOTE=Scot;46646062]Taking LSD with people who treat all drugs as party drugs isn't the best.[/QUOTE]
I was at a concert/party and there was some guy there doing fucking insane freedstyling on LSD
Yesterday I smoked more than I ever have before, I think. I didn't get super high but I smoked so many bowls thoughout the day I lost count
Guys i think i need some morale support
Im falling into old habits again with premuch everything, i was doing really well but i caved on one thing and its cascaded pretty much back to where i was at
Back on cigarettes, got sloshed on alcohol a few nights ago and then a fair bit yesterday
I was doing quite well and had the ritalin basically back in control, the fact that im limited to 3 days supply at a time is helpful for that but today well it kinda went wrong, same story
I did my 3 for the day as prescribed, properly timed, but because of the cigarettes being so enjoyable and having caved on them i ended up adding a dose because i was stressed out or something, so 4, not a disaster yet by that point, then as it got closer to when i should have just called it a night i agreed to go do creative work tomorrow and something about that added stress musta completely flipped my reasoning because i somehow ended up justifying railing one during my crash/ready to sleep state, which ultimately led to me somehow justifying railing the rest of my supply for the next few days
This is ridiculous, i wont give up until i get back on track but im considering taking a bit of extra time off instead of going straight back on monday, might wait til tuesday or Wednesday and spend the next few days avoiding cigarettes and porn
I need to stop sabotaging myself like this and i was pretty much at the point of succeeding until i caved on them, since that cave its been elevated stress like nobodies business. i have a feeling the added drinking in between hasnt really helped either
I dont know anymore but im feeling pretty shit now, its 4am and i definitely will not be able to sleep enough for this creative work now. I feel part of why that stuff stresses me out so much is because i really dont like the pressure of expectations when it comes to forced creative work, i love being creative, but i hate trying to make it happen within constraints and sudden deadlines, it never lives up to my own expectations and i just feel fried afterwords.
Honestly, so far, the only kind of work ive been able to genuinely enjoy without running into these kinda problems has been labour work. The exercize does me wonders and the tangible results are stimulating as opposed to draining on a mental level
This is why i wanted to go for the long acting preperation though and im starting to think itd have been worth the extra dollars to do so. while its active on my prescribed dosage, ritalin does nothing but good things for me, and redosing doesnt even cross my mind. When im not under the pressure of artificial stress(ie cigarette cravings or dreaded workload), im more than happy to ride out the crashes and stay in control, but the instant release is a rollercoaster throughout the day, going from 'hey im functioning ideally' into pits of crash states in between, seems thats where i fuck up when theres extra pressure on my mind because somehow i justify redosing, despite my better knowledge at those points Just fuck
Fuck
I dont even know anymore, where is the logic in what im doing when I KNOW its not what i really want to be doing, not only 'for my own good' but because i literally feel like shit when this happens and i try to remind myself, i try to reason with myself but then it goes downhill because i, for some reason or another, figured it be a good idea to knock out the foundation of the rickety house as if it would somehow stay standing without it
I apologize folks, im not trying to go all make a scene mode but if i keep it to myself i feel like id be likely to repeat the mistakes because keeping it completely interalized seems to give me only more reason to feel shit about myself for it,
If anyone has any experience with this kind of thing and would be willing to lend an ear for a while and have a chat about things id greatly appreciate it, because at this point i dont know how to approach this anymore if i cant trust myself to do it right
[QUOTE=ZenX2;46643450]I've had intense visual snow ever since I took Ritalin. I can't see flat areas of color, and sometimes it can make it hard to detect subtle changes in color.[/QUOTE]
I had a small seizure from K2 and the same happens to me.
Lesson learned I guess, haha.
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;46642493]i don't know about that but i promise i can hook you up with some of the shittiest weed you've ever had[/QUOTE]
good enough for me!
[editline]6th December 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=mrmr;46643101]I stopped there on route two times to Australia, so I only stayed for a couple of days and it was pretty expensive for the entire round trip (can't remember the exact figure).
It was certainly interesting to see such a different culture. Watching the Simpsons had never been so funny with it being dubbed. Went up this tram rail to the top of one of the mountains and stood inside the clouds as they passed over, that was rad. I wish I had been able to see more.
I stayed in this real nice hotel which had a swimming pool on the roof, the view was fantastic. Though I'd say I had more fun with my Australian family after Hong Kong but that's bound to be the case.
[editline]5th December 2014[/editline]
lol just remembered. I passed out on the plane just before landing in HK. So the flight staff gave me free water and all the kit-kats they had left on board, was great. Until I left the remainder of them in OZ, very upsetting.[/QUOTE]
I love flying with airlines that include food and drink for free. Hello 3 scotches and a bag of chips, I'm just gonna watch nature documentaries and fall asleep
[editline]6th December 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46646520]Guys i think i need some morale support
Im falling into old habits again with premuch everything, i was doing really well but i caved on one thing and its cascaded pretty much back to where i was at
Back on cigarettes, got sloshed on alcohol a few nights ago and then a fair bit yesterday
I was doing quite well and had the ritalin basically back in control, the fact that im limited to 3 days supply at a time is helpful for that but today well it kinda went wrong, same story
I did my 3 for the day as prescribed, properly timed, but because of the cigarettes being so enjoyable and having caved on them i ended up adding a dose because i was stressed out or something, so 4, not a disaster yet by that point, then as it got closer to when i should have just called it a night i agreed to go do creative work tomorrow and something about that added stress musta completely flipped my reasoning because i somehow ended up justifying railing one during my crash/ready to sleep state, which ultimately led to me somehow justifying railing the rest of my supply for the next few days
This is ridiculous, i wont give up until i get back on track but im considering taking a bit of extra time off instead of going straight back on monday, might wait til tuesday or Wednesday and spend the next few days avoiding cigarettes and porn
I need to stop sabotaging myself like this and i was pretty much at the point of succeeding until i caved on them, since that cave its been elevated stress like nobodies business. i have a feeling the added drinking in between hasnt really helped either
I dont know anymore but im feeling pretty shit now, its 4am and i definitely will not be able to sleep enough for this creative work now. I feel part of why that stuff stresses me out so much is because i really dont like the pressure of expectations when it comes to forced creative work, i love being creative, but i hate trying to make it happen within constraints and sudden deadlines, it never lives up to my own expectations and i just feel fried afterwords.
Honestly, so far, the only kind of work ive been able to genuinely enjoy without running into these kinda problems has been labour work. The exercize does me wonders and the tangible results are stimulating as opposed to draining on a mental level
This is why i wanted to go for the long acting preperation though and im starting to think itd have been worth the extra dollars to do so. while its active on my prescribed dosage, ritalin does nothing but good things for me, and redosing doesnt even cross my mind. When im not under the pressure of artificial stress(ie cigarette cravings or dreaded workload), im more than happy to ride out the crashes and stay in control, but the instant release is a rollercoaster throughout the day, going from 'hey im functioning ideally' into pits of crash states in between, seems thats where i fuck up when theres extra pressure on my mind because somehow i justify redosing, despite my better knowledge at those points Just fuck
Fuck
I dont even know anymore, where is the logic in what im doing when I KNOW its not what i really want to be doing, not only 'for my own good' but because i literally feel like shit when this happens and i try to remind myself, i try to reason with myself but then it goes downhill because i, for some reason or another, figured it be a good idea to knock out the foundation of the rickety house as if it would somehow stay standing without it
I apologize folks, im not trying to go all make a scene mode but if i keep it to myself i feel like id be likely to repeat the mistakes because keeping it completely interalized seems to give me only more reason to feel shit about myself for it,
If anyone has any experience with this kind of thing and would be willing to lend an ear for a while and have a chat about things id greatly appreciate it, because at this point i dont know how to approach this anymore if i cant trust myself to do it right[/QUOTE]
always ready to read about your experience man, the way that you are so open and straight forward about what you're going through is gonna be such a big help and I admire it, so dw about makin a scene. I actually wish I posted more about my issues with this sort of thing, it'd stop me from letting myself slide on stuff. Easy to forget you gave up if you never tell anyone you were trying.
How long until you could switch to the longer acting dose anyway?
22nd of december is my next appointment with the psychiatrist so probably not til then,
between now and then i'm gonna keep tryna minimize and eliminate the extra stimulatory things that trigger my impulsive habits and add to the un-necassery stress, as they are addictions in themselves it only makes sense to eliminate them as partaking in them while under the influence of stimulant medication is only going to fuel more addiction behaviour
There, an entire refreshing hour of sleep.
I forgot that the bowl in my vape was packed full of kief. I got pretty high really fast from that, but I also took 10mg so hopefully I'll be some kind of functional
So the first time I got it with a tobacco, I could not feel shit.
Yesterday I hard smoked a whole blunt;
And well, today I've smoked a big chunk of hash.
Basically I felt the hash real good, with tobacco of course.
Anyway, good grief everyone, I was the was.
You are the were
so tired my brains farting as I edge between consciously aware and blissful sleep
lets see if I can actually get some sleep now that i've called off the work I was gonna do today /shrugs
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