[QUOTE=ZenX2;46901666]After this weird experience where I figured out how to catch a ball without thinking about it, today I realized that that is the difference between thinking about doing something before/while doing it and doing it without thinking. I think I was just lacking the right connections to control that, like not being able to lift an eyebrow because you just don't know how to make the muscles move. Except instead of a muscles it's the ability to "just do things" which everyone assumes everyone can do without training.
I was playing tennis and thinking about this and trying to do it to play tennis better and I got this weird surging feeling in my brain and then my vision changed and refreshed a bit, and I have this lasting cool feeling still throughout my body, but I also feel so much more present within myself, like I'm actually in my body now and I'm in control of it
This is the disconnect between thoughts and actions that more introverted people have, but I guess you can actually build up that missing connection if you practice doing things without thinking
This is why my anxiety fucked with me so much, or maybe that's what this kind of anxiety is in general. Somewhere in my brain the paths for worrying about stuff and actually performing actions got all tangled up[/QUOTE]
You just my entire life
JUNE, 2013
[video=youtube;JCxZ1EqKUf8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCxZ1EqKUf8[/video]
i remember uploading this video
[QUOTE=ZenX2;46901666]After this weird experience where I figured out how to catch a ball without thinking about it, today I realized that that is the difference between thinking about doing something before/while doing it and doing it without thinking. I think I was just lacking the right connections to control that, like not being able to lift an eyebrow because you just don't know how to make the muscles move. Except instead of a muscles it's the ability to "just do things" which everyone assumes everyone can do without training.
I was playing tennis and thinking about this and trying to do it to play tennis better and I got this weird surging feeling in my brain and then my vision changed and refreshed a bit, and I have this lasting cool feeling still throughout my body, but I also feel so much more present within myself, like I'm actually in my body now and I'm in control of it
This is the disconnect between thoughts and actions that more introverted people have, but I guess you can actually build up that missing connection if you practice doing things without thinking
This is why my anxiety fucked with me so much, or maybe that's what this kind of anxiety is in general. Somewhere in my brain the paths for worrying about stuff and actually performing actions got all tangled up[/QUOTE]
Youre reminding me of Kaneman's Rational and Intuitive minds. Some argue drugs are the key to the intuitive mind.
Man, just want to be over with this re-applying to college shit. it seems like whenever one set is done, another crops up and needs to be dealt with. It's making me actually pretty stressed for the first time in... ever.
Ahh well, at least i get to move into my apartment in the city tomorrow, then start my job on monday. should be chill enough.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
ayyy welcome back menmoth
[QUOTE=Charrax;46901839]Youre reminding me of Kaneman's Rational and Intuitive minds. Some argue drugs are the key to the intuitive mind.[/QUOTE]
Without even knowing what his definition of those are, that describes the difference perfectly. That lack of an intuitive mind is why I've always been bad at sports and slow in school; the rational mind alone fucking sucks at physical activity and doing calculations/language construction that should be performed quickly instead of with a great amount of very precise but slow thought
It's just two alternate modes of thought the human brain is capable of, but so many people get stuck in one or the other and wind up weakass nerds or brainless jocks, or some variation of those extremes. Some people can do both, or they can get really good at one before learning the other.
And the problem is that people aren't taught that there's this physical, palpable difference the two. Maybe there a continuous change between them, and with enough practice you can learn to control where you are between them with the precision you can have in flexing a muscle.
Holy shit I just realized that this is how I draw. I think intuitively instead of rationally so that art just pours out instead of thinking about it. This is probably why it feels so developed even though I haven't been able to access it from anywhere else. Fuck, brains are crazy
Thanks drugs, for helping me realize this
[QUOTE=ZenX2;46902144]Thanks drugs, for helping me realize this[/QUOTE]
The intuitive mind is your subconscious in a way. It will be things that work without your main intention. By rationalizing (or to put in in a non-philosophical way "thinking") the intuitive mind you can explore your subconscious.
That is more my philosophy than Kaneman.
banging lines of mdma off my piano with my brother
livin that boss' life
[QUOTE=Charrax;46902150]The intuitive mind is your subconscious in a way. It will be things that work without your main intention. By rationalizing (or to put in in a non-philosophical way "thinking") the intuitive mind you can explore your subconscious.
That is more my philosophy than Kaneman.[/QUOTE]
I looked up that dude and I just ordered the book he wrote on it, Thinking, Fast and Slow
Gah so many problems in my life all stem from my inability to initiate intuitive thought in a lot of cases
So my friend decided that she wanted to spend some time cuddling in bed. Feels really nice.
I gently slipped my hand down her underwear signaling I'm in the mood for some intimate time, my hand was pulled back and I respected this. She tells me she is very tired but would prefer if I keep holding her until she's asleep, as she feels that it is much easier to fall asleep if I'm there.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
I wonder what happens if I draw on her face.
A friend of mine who knows i have adhd/meds was boasting about getting on dexies (he rolls/trips a lot but has been getting more casual about speed recently) and started asking me if i was jealous
Was pretty annoying
Fuckhead also raided most of the snacks and wanted to eat the food i have to live on afterwords
My friend can be an alright guy but i found that pretty dickish of him,
I know hes doing it in jest but its a self serving, rude sort of jest that im gettin sick of being around, its one thing for me to offer some food/snacks, which i did but for him to just go through my fridge and demanding more after he already smashed through all the snacks was just cunty
Hosting is a pain when you get annoying people that look at it as an opportunity to take advantage without bringing anything to the table themselves
Other than that though, good times
i shared two joints with some random dude and he didn't even accept my facebook request
what a busta
[QUOTE=Consciousness;46902573]A friend of mine who knows i have adhd/meds was boasting about getting on dexies (he rolls/trips a lot but has been getting more casual about speed recently) and started asking me if i was jealous
Was pretty annoying
Fuckhead also raided most of the snacks and wanted to eat the food i have to live on afterwords
My friend can be an alright guy but i found that pretty dickish of him,
I know hes doing it in jest but its a self serving, rude sort of jest that im gettin sick of being around, its one thing for me to offer some food/snacks, which i did but for him to just go through my fridge and demanding more after he already smashed through all the snacks was just cunty
Hosting is a pain when you get annoying people that look at it as an opportunity to take advantage without bringing anything to the table themselves
Other than that though, good times[/QUOTE]
maaaaaate
my house has been the designated sesh spot for years. at first i got really sick of it but now i embrace it, [I]i'm the fuckin [B]host with the most[/B][/I], if someone wants a drink at my house i say "yea man but you gotta make me one", they want some food? "yeah man gotta get me some". hell, even if [I]i[/I] want a drink i'll be like "yo homie you wanna earn yourself a glass of consumable liquid? best get in that kitchen and pour me out something delicious", you'd think people would be like "naw dawg stop bossin me about" but everyone else appreciates that there's just no way i'm going to sit in my own home and put up with shit from anyone else, it just isn't going to happen and everyone recognizes that. i used to just let people abuse the place because i didn't know what to do about it but nowadays i can say and do whatever i want because it's my damn house, what are they gonna do? "nah man i dont like how you operate your house i'm leaving" oh well; as bad as it might sound, they won't be missed. that sounds really bad out of context but really, if theres a chill sesh going on at mine and everyones just relaxing and smoking and all of a sudden someone starts kicking off and i put my food down, them leaving won't be some sort of "oh no please dont i'll be so alone" type thing, chances are if it gets to the point of them being kicked out (which has never happened) then they've done something to reaaaally piss me off and thus it's deserved
mdma ramblings
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
basically when out and about i'm a standard polite respectful friend but [I]when you step into my domain[/I] you have to accept that [I]whats mine is mine[/I] and whats shared with you is a "privilege" not a right
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
i can easily see how i must look like a controlling thoughtless bastard but honestly after so long of having my house mistreated (and therefore having to deal with the repercussions [I]of other peoples' actions[/I]) i've ended up putting my foot down, the unwritten rules of my home are
1 no bitching
2 know yo place (theres a "hierarchy", nothing serious just simple things like reserved seats, for example i have a futon that can fit three people, one seat is always reserved for me, another for my friend who helped buy it and the third seat is for my cousin because he's family, if either of them aren't around then it's first-come-first-served but everyone knows not to steal my seat or anything)
3 my word is law
i don't take advantage of it or anything, i never force people to do anything unreasonable and it doesn't really get to my head, it's just home etiquette that my friends seem happy to follow
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
i like having friends at my house because certain people take joy in being "the bitch"; my circle has one person in particular who always does shit for people, if someone needs to go a mile or so to pick up weed he's the one who's just expected to do it, if someone wants something from the shops he's just expected to make the walk, yet he never complains about it because he gets something out of it (gets to smoke the weed with them or he gets some money to spend on himself in the shop)
likewise in my house, i never make people do something for nothing. if i want a cup of coffee, i'll simply so "right who wants some coffee okay you can go and make it" and someone will come back with coffee for them and me. it's also an easy way to smoke when i have no weed, if someone asks for something from my kitchen i just attach a bud price to it ("yeah you can have some coffee but you best be sending that bong my way")
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
hell i even have a friend who goes out of his way to tidy my house without me even asking him to, i'll just look up from my phone and the entire room has suddenly gone from horribly messy to completely spotless
it's an empire of chefs, couriers and cleaners and i'm the mofuckin lord
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
damn it feels good to be king
used a sodastream for instant gratification, carbinated a glass of the two beers that I just bottled. They turned out pretty alright! I'm actually hype to start drinking them in two weeks once they're through secondary fermentation.
only like 350 more words of college supplements, then i'm done with another round. Pray for me FP
[QUOTE=TCB;46902704]maaaaaate
my house has been the designated sesh spot for years. at first i got really sick of it but now i embrace it, [I]i'm the fuckin [B]host with the most[/B][/I], if someone wants a drink at my house i say "yea man but you gotta make me one", they want some food? "yeah man gotta get me some". hell, even if [I]i[/I] want a drink i'll be like "yo homie you wanna earn yourself a glass of consumable liquid? best get in that kitchen and pour me out something delicious", you'd think people would be like "naw dawg stop bossin me about" but everyone else appreciates that there's just no way i'm going to sit in my own home and put up with shit from anyone else, it just isn't going to happen and everyone recognizes that. i used to just let people abuse the place because i didn't know what to do about it but nowadays i can say and do whatever i want because it's my damn house, what are they gonna do? "nah man i dont like how you operate your house i'm leaving" oh well; as bad as it might sound, they won't be missed. that sounds really bad out of context but really, if theres a chill sesh going on at mine and everyones just relaxing and smoking and all of a sudden someone starts kicking off and i put my food down, them leaving won't be some sort of "oh no please dont i'll be so alone" type thing, chances are if it gets to the point of them being kicked out (which has never happened) then they've done something to reaaaally piss me off and thus it's deserved
mdma ramblings
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
basically when out and about i'm a standard polite respectful friend but [I]when you step into my domain[/I] you have to accept that [I]whats mine is mine[/I] and whats shared with you is a "privilege" not a right
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
i can easily see how i must look like a controlling thoughtless bastard but honestly after so long of having my house mistreated (and therefore having to deal with the repercussions [I]of other peoples' actions[/I]) i've ended up putting my foot down, the unwritten rules of my home are
1 no bitching
2 know yo place (theres a "hierarchy", nothing serious just simple things like reserved seats, for example i have a futon that can fit three people, one seat is always reserved for me, another for my friend who helped buy it and the third seat is for my cousin because he's family, if either of them aren't around then it's first-come-first-served but everyone knows not to steal my seat or anything)
3 my word is law
i don't take advantage of it or anything, i never force people to do anything unreasonable and it doesn't really get to my head, it's just home etiquette that my friends seem happy to follow
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
i like having friends at my house because certain people take joy in being "the bitch"; my circle has one person in particular who always does shit for people, if someone needs to go a mile or so to pick up weed he's the one who's just expected to do it, if someone wants something from the shops he's just expected to make the walk, yet he never complains about it because he gets something out of it (gets to smoke the weed with them or he gets some money to spend on himself in the shop)
likewise in my house, i never make people do something for nothing. if i want a cup of coffee, i'll simply so "right who wants some coffee okay you can go and make it" and someone will come back with coffee for them and me. it's also an easy way to smoke when i have no weed, if someone asks for something from my kitchen i just attach a bud price to it ("yeah you can have some coffee but you best be sending that bong my way")
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
hell i even have a friend who goes out of his way to tidy my house without me even asking him to, i'll just look up from my phone and the entire room has suddenly gone from horribly messy to completely spotless
it's an empire of chefs, couriers and cleaners and i'm the mofuckin lord
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
damn it feels good to be king[/QUOTE]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u84d7nY8pQ[/media]
:v:
a real gangsta ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth cause real gangsta ass niggas dont start fights
So I took another line of 3,4-dimethoxy-a-php, this time I took a real big line. I start up the game Archeage, and after a couple of minutes I start experiencing this emotional euphoria that felt like a spiritual orgasm. It is absolutely impossible to describe the euphoric sensation I felt, it kinda felt like I had reached a spiritual enlightenment that was so profound I started sending private messages to random people around me in the game, just telling them: "Hello fellow human being! I'm experiencing the journey of a psychedelic drug and just wanted to spread some love."
Haven't been posting here too much as of late. But I assure you for what ever reason, I am still alive and around. I try to keep up with the people in this thread as well as I can.
I have a job again. This time, I'm just doing some bullshit palletizing job. Lift bucket, place bucket, repeat. It pays a bit more than minimum. So I plan on saving as well as I can. Hopefully end up going to school. But my lust for life is as great as ever, and I still can't imagine why I bother. Though my mother reassured me of what I knew, if I ever died from what ever cause, she would not be able to continue life. So I'll wait. I'll wait until I am free to decide.
Until then, shit continues as usual, my friends.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
I'm only this optimistic because I've been drinking. On a sober night, I'm much, much worse. So cheers mates, cheers. Nights like this are cause for celebration. I feel pretty decent.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
[video=youtube;2NOc1Gnu18I]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOc1Gnu18I[/video]
[QUOTE=Joscpe;46903220]Haven't been posting here too much as of late. But I assure you for what ever reason, I am still alive and around. I try to keep up with the people in this thread as well as I can.
I have a job again. This time, I'm just doing some bullshit palletizing job. Lift bucket, place bucket, repeat. It pays a bit more than minimum. So I plan on saving as well as I can. Hopefully end up going to school. But my lust for life is as great as ever, and I still can't imagine why I bother. Though my mother reassured me of what I knew, if I ever died from what ever cause, she would not be able to continue life. So I'll wait. I'll wait until I am free to decide.
Until then, shit continues as usual, my friends.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
I'm only this optimistic because I've been drinking. On a sober night, I'm much, much worse. So cheers mates, cheers. Nights like this are cause for celebration. I feel pretty decent.
[editline]11th January 2015[/editline]
[video=youtube;2NOc1Gnu18I]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NOc1Gnu18I[/video][/QUOTE]
Where do you work, what do you do exactly? My job consists of place material, place heatpack, place material on top (I usually make heating blankets), and repeat for 10 hours. I work in manufacturing for $7.50 a day with a 15 minute and 10 minute break each day and thought my job was bullshit. I guess I'm not alone eh? I want to go back to school as well but just can't save the funds to do so no matter how hard I try. Drinking does help.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNSsv86lsok[/media]
Not the most cheerful song but I love it I really do, and it's a seriously fantastic movie although depressing as absolute fuck. One of the few films that have made me shed tears... I guess it makes me realize things could be so much fucking worse it isn't even funny. I really can't complain you know?
Anyways, the liquidation of the Krakow ghetto aside... :v:
[QUOTE=Memnoth;46901162]Just be careful with trying sertraline as it induces a manic episode if you happen to have Bipolar Disorder and have just not been diagnosed yet. This happened to me, I entered a full-blown psychotic mania lasting 3 months. I threatened to kill one of my closest friends, I bought clothes I didn't need and I drank alcohol, from morning to bedtime for 3 months. I openly and casually called my relatives a certain term proposing them to be lesser beings, a handyman in society, a Homer Simpsons, no capability to contribute to the intellectual aspects of society. I wrote this on Facebook where everybody I know can see me conducting in such an evil manner.[/QUOTE]
I've had Fluoxetine/Prozac and Citalopram before and nothing happened, is it Sertraline in particular? And is sertraline just Zoloft?
Picked up 8th yesterday, smoked 8th yesterday, didn't get that high. Time for a break.
[QUOTE=ZenX2;46902421]I looked up that dude and I just ordered the book he wrote on it, Thinking, Fast and Slow
Gah so many problems in my life all stem from my inability to initiate intuitive thought in a lot of cases[/QUOTE]
Check out Fruit of the Gods. I just recommended it to someone. [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Food-Gods-Original-Knowledge-Evolution/dp/0553371304"]Here[/URL] is a link.
started friday night with 3 bottles of jager, one bottle of this red absense stuff and a q of chang and only just got back in, id fucking love it if every weekend cn be like that.. chugged the absense and cant remember anything from the saturday morning, ended up taking out an extra £100 from the bank for asome reason but fuck knows why, anyone else have problems with blowing all money on a night out??
Hey guys, ive pretty much not been posting at all lately, since i've been in japan and korea since the 21st of december. I've been going alcoholic mode and drinking pretty much every day since i went overseas, lucky liqour is cheap as hell. Im going home tomorrow. Weirdly enough, im excited to smoke weed again. Its been more than a month and im honestly looking forward to it. I've somehow managed to smoke less than a pack of cigarettes, even though im theres cigarette vending machines around every fucking corner. God damn its been hard to not relapse. I want some motherfucking drugs.
[QUOTE=LSK;46903555]Where do you work, what do you do exactly? My job consists of place material, place heatpack, place material on top (I usually make heating blankets), and repeat for 10 hours. I work in manufacturing for $7.50 a day with a 15 minute and 10 minute break each day and thought my job was bullshit. I guess I'm not alone eh? I want to go back to school as well but just can't save the funds to do so no matter how hard I try. Drinking does help.[/QUOTE]
I'm just on my training shifts still. Job seems a lot better than my last one break wise, and I also don't have to deal with cuntstomers, so that's great. I start at $14.74 or something, then it goes up to $15 after my 90 day probation. Hopefully they aren't fucking me and only hiring me for their busy period to dump me after... You basically work Mon-Fri and volunteer for Saturdays, which are time and a half.
I basically stand in a line, lifting buckets of cat litter, and placing them on a skid in a structured fashion. You get two 15 minute breaks, and a half hour lunch. Not sure if breaks are paid or not actually.
Ignoring all the dumb weeaboo shit, japan is hype as fuck.
acid, or tidy room? hmm
both
imma do a quarter tab see how i feel
[QUOTE=Thug;46903907]started friday night with 3 bottles of jager, one bottle of this red absense stuff and a q of chang and only just got back in, id fucking love it if every weekend cn be like that.. chugged the absense and cant remember anything from the saturday morning, ended up taking out an extra £100 from the bank for asome reason but fuck knows why, anyone else have problems with blowing all money on a night out??[/QUOTE]
absinthe*
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