crisis averted
i hope it doesn't reflect poorly on me assuming it comes up in conversation
but at least my credit wont get affected
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=The Aussie;45984248]I don't really know if i dodged a bullet or not. She was a heroin addict at 13. She was off now though. I can't remember what she looked like either. I think we were talking about drugs though.[/QUOTE]
wait a minute
do you live in melbourne...
(I know a girl that moved to melbourne, was a heroin addict at 13 and got off it, party type of girl that can't seem to avoid drugs)
I highly doubt it was her though, she's older than myself, just coincidental if the case
So my new college had 3 days last week to drop me a quick email making an appointment so that I can change courses. Got nothing on wednesday and thursday. Went in on Friday and was told they were out to lunch and that if I left my phone number they would ring me when they were back to make an appointment. Fair enough I thought, I stuck around an hour or so, heard nothing so I decided to go home as I had things to do. Today rolls around and I've still heard nothing, college lessons started today and I'm not there because I don't have a course. The fuck.
I rang my old sixth form this morning because they offer the course I want. No placements available since July. The fuck, 3000 students are in that sixth form and when I walked past the other day I saw about 4 outside the building.
I'm confused, upset, feel like my future is directionless because I can't do Media Journalism and Travel and Tourism. I'm pissed that this place is so pathetic that they can't afford me a 5 minute meeting to put me on a new course.
Suppose it's time to go in and ask to speak to the principal.
[QUOTE=Lebowski;45984228]they're in the safe m8[/QUOTE]
Are these spiders narcotics anonymous agents? As that'd be a very effective way of getting me to stop using. Which one of you evil bastards tipped them off huh? I'm looking at you mr.bleak...
[QUOTE=Consciousness;45984330]crisis averted
i hope it doesn't reflect poorly on me assuming it comes up in conversation
but at least my credit wont get affected
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
wait a minute
do you live in melbourne...
(I know a girl that moved to melbourne, was a heroin addict at 13 and got off it, party type of girl that can't seem to avoid drugs)
I highly doubt it was her though, she's older than myself, just coincidental if the case[/QUOTE]
Nah mate, Canberra. I was snapchatting you on sat about it and bitching about the shitty day. I remembered her name, Sophie.
When you just don't know what to do. Running away never is a option. Just an escape, from the reality you don't want see. All the pain I hold inside my mind tears me down. So I just put on a smile and try the make the world a better place. I wish I could understand why mind functions like this building a world of chaos and pushing a way the things that make me happy. For all I've got in the end is myself the twisted creature of 8. Where I go from here is only for the sands of time to tell. In the end I'll be meet with death.
The joys of MDMA and feelings.
lies vs honesty are on my mind a lot at the moment, can't shake these thoughts
the difference seems to be, purely
the alignment of words, actions, intentions, that which you seek to accomplish
the best liars fully believe their own lies as it has layers of truth and honesty underneath the superficial
it can be used for good, or evil, to benefit themselves or others
but it is purely a manipulative force
true honesty on the other hand, is a complete alignment of these things.
I think, to some degree or another, everyone is a liar, whether intentional or unintentional, I don't want to say it can't be helped, because that seems defeatist,
but we all lie from time to time whether it be to ourselves, or to others, or both at once.
rarely are we brutally honest on the surface, without setting out to achieve something other than what we are presenting. So most people that are "being honest"
are still lying
To be completely aligned in these things, is a very difficult feat.
But I aim to reach that point,
I hate feeling like i'm a dishonest person,
liars get ostracised, more often than not, by other liars who do not appreciate their attempts at becoming honest.
I fucking hate it. I've been an unintentional liar for so long to so many people and also to myself
it's gotten me where I am today, and yet, I fear that people will catch on and judge me for attempting to be an honest person
simply in the fact that, perhaps, I cannot be a fully honest person.
At the least, In the current state of things, it would be a lie to say I am an honest person
it would be an honest thing to say that I am a liar
yet to expose myself as a liar, the most honest thing I could possibly do, would be detrimental as suddenly people would not believe me due to my honesty.
The irony is high, I must continue to work on bridging the gap in the alignment, I've made it this far and I am becoming a more honest person in general,
but I am still not quite there.
Guys, I haven't really told anyone, but i've been caving hard on the no cigarette thing as of late... I'm fucking trying but I can't lie, it's damned hard, I know they offer me nothing and are a purely negative thing for me,
I honestly want to quit for good, I don't even enjoy them, they make me feel like shit every time I cave not only because i'm failing myself but just in general, physically, mentally, i feel like crap after each one
yet, at the same time, I can't seem to bring myself to just letting them go
fucking addictions
sigh. Tomorrow i'll try again.. see how long I can last this time
In my mind, honesty is a nice virtue, an idea, that doesn't really work out in practice. Many famous ethicists would theorise that lying, in all forms, is simply wrong. Is being honest an all that virtuous trait? It depends on what you mean by honesty.
I do not think it is a good thing to aspire to be a perfectly honest person. I don't think you should either, Consciousness. Many people you know who might be rather "rude", upon closer inspection are simply brutally honest. Hence what you said about "Liars are cast out by their own when they attempt to change their ways". It is not culturally correct to be honest. Honesty is seen as a bad trait. A lot of people whine endlessly about hurt feelings. A lot of people are lied to so much that they simply become ego trippers, or mollycoddled.
Society as a whole, it seems, has taken a consequentialist approach to lying. Whatever action that produces the greatest amount of happiness for all involved is usually the best. You shouldn't beat yourself up for lying, intentionally or not, because lying is merely a tool. A tool can not be intrinsically evil, and nor can it be good. It's a means to an end.
Much like yourself, i can honestly say that i'm a liar.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
Although as a drug user, i'm not exactly in the position to whine about adhering to cultural correctness.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
Although this all brings up the interesting question. What if i'm simply lying to myself, rationalising my own guilt about lying to others?
Wake and vaping before school. It impacts my grades a little but it's necessary for my social anxiety in the first place. :v:
[QUOTE=KillerTele;45984112]So, I'm going bald at 19.[/QUOTE]
Embrace it man. I was the same and just shaved it all off
There's nothing worse than people going bald and trying to cover it up.
i fuckin love collegeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[QUOTE=iggy650;45982967]I feel like my parents are not fully assessing my situation at the moment.
They are angry because my grades are "shit" (B's and C's in college level courses as a junior in high school) and of course they automatically blame it on me smoking. Really though there's been a girl that is messing with my emotions, general worthless high school "drama", me fighting depression and anxiety problems, and to top it off my dad recently found he has a fucking brain tumor.
So I'm living a slightly loaded life atm for a high schooler, and smoking has really helped me cope with everything so far IMO. But since I was recently in trouble, my parents are getting paranoid about me.
A few days ago my dad said the garage smelled weird when I literally had not even been in there. He blamed it on my ecig, which is stupid as fuck because it doesn't even smell in the first place. Then my mom just came downstairs to tell me my grades are shit (keep in mind it's also a midterm so it doesn't even matter at this point) and she said I can't use my ecig in the house because "it smells and I don't like it" which is again bullshit. I keep a fan running at all times in the basement so the vapor disperses almost immediately.
But of course my Mom tells me that my grades are dropping because of my smoking as if she has any fucking clue what is even going on in my brain 24/7.
They want me to talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist, and it's funny because I feel like they are the one's that make me want to talk to someone more than anything else. They are a constant stress in my life, and they affect me in a lot of negative ways.
Sorry.[/QUOTE]
Same dude. Last year my dad found out he had a brain tumor. Fortunately it was benign and surgically removed. It was in the part of his brain that processes speach. He's not the same as before but his quality of life is good for someone who has had brain surgery.
probably gonna dex today, stomach already empty. Aiming for noon.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
im still really high from last night, goddamn havnt touched an edible in like 10 hours and im still pretty fuckin blazed.
if i've counted the cards right, and i'm pretty sure I have (based on a lot of my experiences as of late in almost all context, I know to trust myself)
I have a good feeling what hand life is about to deal me
the peak is close, i can feel it rapidly approaching, these last few weeks have been very much like the preparation phases i have grown accustomed too whenever I had a profound psychedelic experience coming my way
and I know not to make the same mistake I made the last time
this time around, i'm not going to use drugs to experience the peak.
Wish me luck, i'll need it. The final phase of this cycle is in motion
and this time, i'm gonna make sure I reach out and pull myself into a new one, in one way or another.
type 8 hurricane over here, this is way less intense than I thought it was going to be. I've experienced crazier in canada.
maybe i'm losing my sanity here..
it's as though the veil has disappeared, and my eyes are more open than they've ever been.
all three of them
I can see things i've never seen before, like i'm sitting in a perpetual visionary state
not with my eyes per se, but mind manifesting visions of ineffable nature
as of late, they've been proving to be spot on...
and yet, i'm sober...
sorry this was meant to be a quick added edit post
I don't particularly believe in the 'third eye' theory
but I can't deny what i'm experiencing here to be some weirdly profound state of things
perhaps it is real, perhaps it is not. All I know is
if it continues to guide me as it has been, I am not opposed to this
sorry to be so vague about it, I cannot explain it well
[QUOTE=mrmr;45984205]I've been tracking these large spiders which've been chilling on the outside of the windows on my house. I'm really terrified of the beasts, so it was scary enough knowing they were just on the other side of the glass. Anyway I wake up today and they've ALL gone. This worries me alot, wondering where the fuckers have gone... I have to head outside soon, bet they're all waiting for me above the door.
If I don't make it, the combination to my drug safe is 1234, first come first get. ily.[/QUOTE]
BRT (assumes your dead so I can get drugs)
Well the moment's passed
But what the hell did i just go through there
The mind is a strange thing
Now im super tired and feel derealized
Still feel like me just... im reflecting a bit and its making me feel like everything is just well.. fake?more because im that tired i cannot for the life of me fathom the energy and effort required for much of anything right now
I should probably get some sleep
[QUOTE=KillerTele;45984112]So, I'm going bald at 19.[/QUOTE]
That sucks man. I remember when my friend was starting to go bald at 15.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
[url]https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=852369378119456[/url]
[QUOTE=KillerTele;45984112]So, I'm going bald at 19.[/QUOTE]
I think I might be headed down that road soon... My brother is 23 and trying to hide it with a ponytail, I don't have much hope of avoiding it left.
[QUOTE=ZenX2;45987027]I think I might be headed down that road soon... My brother is 23 and trying to hide it with a ponytail, I don't have much hope of avoiding it left.[/QUOTE]
My uncle said my hair are much less dense than they were some time before.
I am only turning 20 in 2 months, i guess i got it after my dad
[t]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bxd4MQLCUAMXNT-.jpg[/t]
people say that tupac shakur is alive because the verified MGM twitter tweeted this with the caption "you never know who you'll see"
i mean according to the pac theories he should return in 2014 at the MGM hotel but i still don't believe it
[QUOTE=Amic;45987044]My uncle said my hair are much less dense than they were some time before.
I am only turning 20 in 2 months, i guess i got it after my dad[/QUOTE]
i live with a 23yo bald dude and a 29yo white haired who had a nasty ass illness in childhood and part of the treatment consisted in scalp pigment decolorization
he looks pretty much like Hermes from the Sandman universe
[QUOTE=zach1193;45986118]BRT (assumes your dead so I can get drugs)[/QUOTE]
Well you personally can get drugs at my house anytime.
[QUOTE=Consciousness;45985913]maybe i'm losing my sanity here..
it's as though the veil has disappeared, and my eyes are more open than they've ever been.
all three of them
I can see things i've never seen before, like i'm sitting in a perpetual visionary state
not with my eyes per se, but mind manifesting visions of ineffable nature
as of late, they've been proving to be spot on...
and yet, i'm sober...
sorry this was meant to be a quick added edit post
I don't particularly believe in the 'third eye' theory
but I can't deny what i'm experiencing here to be some weirdly profound state of things
perhaps it is real, perhaps it is not. All I know is
if it continues to guide me as it has been, I am not opposed to this
sorry to be so vague about it, I cannot explain it well[/QUOTE]
I made a near exact post a few weeks ago. Same feeling and same effects
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
[url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1416312&p=45928744&viewfull=1#post45928744[/url]
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
It was only 6 days ago, felt like weeks
did a teeeny tiny bit of mdma the other night, but it was probably only around 60-85mg. it had me rolling but not so intensely that people around me knew.
i think i've done it too much, because the high feels dirty and fuzzy to me these days. i keep telling myself to stay off the stuff, but once every other month i just get the urge.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
today i've been productive though. i applied for a photography school, helped my mother grocery shopping, and was out with mates doing some graffiti. i ended up driving my friend, who started feeling ill, home and then just been sitting in front of the pc getting crossfaded.
[editline]15th September 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=mrmr;45987534]Well you personally can get drugs at my house anytime.[/QUOTE]
i PROMISE to come by and do drugs with you some day, matey.
I'll x this here as I've posted it literally everywhere on the internet where I thought I could get help but no one seems to have any ideas
[url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250164&p=45985698&viewfull=1#post45985698[/url]
any help at all or similar experiences would be much appreciated, tia
Ever since I started doing MDMA, I swear I feel like I went on a spiritual journey through my own mind or some shit. The metaphors are everywhere now. I feel like my life is a fucking Lauren Hill song. I can't stop seeing these messages in everything I look at or think about. Life doesn't seem like the mess it used to, there's a purpose for everything, even if it is unseen. I've grown an appreciation for harmony. I keep having visions of what the future might hold. I've had one dream that really, really hit me hard. I woke up in a sweat, grinning from ear to ear.
I was descending through fog, I could smell dense European forest and burning petroleum. The air was vibrating furiously like a solid swarm of African bees. It reverberated through not just my body, but it seemed to be awakening something inside of me. I break through the fog. It hits me. I'm in Belgium, at Spa Francorchamps. A road appears beneath me, the Kemmel Straight, and the vibrations' source was getting closer. I could start to hear a howl, something opening itself, sucking in the atmosphere, over and over again, as if it were happening millions of times a minute. I saw something coming down La Source towards me. It was just a blur followed by water vapor. As it hit Eau Rouge, it became deafeningly loud. So loud it could've woken me up right then. But it kept getting closer, and louder. I was in the middle of the straightaway waiting for it; bracing. Finally, the being made itself visible in its trajectory toward me. I had just a glimpse of it before it shot through me. It was a vintage Formula One car of the 1970's, like James Hunt's or Nicki Lauda's.
I feel like that doesn't even describe the way it made me feel though. That was the best dream of my life. I can't even compare a wet dream to it, it was so much more.
Hung out and got drunk on tequila with my ex-boyfriend and our best friend last night. Had amazing breakup sex, cuddled, and knocked out. Woke up at 9 to banging on the front door and 15 calls from my mother trying to figure out where the hell I disappeared to last night. Had sex again and fell asleep for a few more hours. Got out of bed, dry heaved some bile up in the bathtub and ran around looking for my keys, money, and lighter. Got to school and smoked a bowl in the parking lot. my grandmother was livid and worried about me not being home a night and not coming back till noon.
few hours off from doing it at 12, dexing out now. Those lovely little red pills~
[QUOTE=ZenX2;45987027]I think I might be headed down that road soon... My brother is 23 and trying to hide it with a ponytail, I don't have much hope of avoiding it left.[/QUOTE]
My friend left it as a ponytail, and a goatee (just long at the chin) for a few years before finally getting rid of it all.
The most happiness you will ever see in a person is me when I realise there's more food than I first thought
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.