life, the universe and everything is a series of actions and reactions
moose is cool
does that rhyme?
How do I unload a mind that's full of fuck?
I remember when I was an annoying, nosy, insensitive and opinionated little asshole
then I grew the fuck up
life quality graph
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[editline]24th April 2012[/editline]
fuck
[QUOTE=Werem00se;35684786]Question: Am I that annoying?[/QUOTE]
Not at all
Just been reading some trip reports and they reminded me of the time I had to drive to tesco to get my mum some bread when I was on 30mg~ of 2C-E; it was insane, completely unsafe but I couldn't tell my mum I was tripping, she would have flipped! The driving wasn't too hard, the problem was the radio, if i had the music on loud it was too distracting, so I turned it off and then got really scared, so I put it on but just quietly, and the music was just warping and distorting all over the place, it was horrible!
Realized yesterday that I probably hate myself more than anyone else hates me. I started talking to this girl I know (over the internet) a few days ago. We talked a lot over the past few days and got to know eachother pretty well, only Ive also been really depressed for the past few days. So when we talked on the phone for the first time today after Id cheered up, she was tripping over how cool I actually was (well she thought I was) cause Id been shit talking about myself the whole time shed known me. Its funny how all my shit talking actually made her like me more.
Have you met her in real life yet
oh im not that cool, hell I dont know any girls in real life. well... I spent a day with one of my best friends but I mean thats only one day in real life. Yeah my only female friends are on the internet. Im a loser
And from my experiences are all men!
[QUOTE=Werem00se;35710615]And from my experiences are all men![/QUOTE]
Yeah I found out the hard way im actually gay for one of them.
Nah, dude you aren't a loser. You'll learn to adapt your internet suave-ness to real life womenz! OH WOOOWW!
If my girlfriend grew a dick I'd probably be gay for her/him.
So I guess I understand.
[editline]25th April 2012[/editline]
Thank god girls don't randomly grow dicks though.
[QUOTE=Pirate Jok3r;35710811]Nah, dude you aren't a loser. You'll learn to adapt your internet suave-ness to real life womenz! OH WOOOWW![/QUOTE]
yeeeeeaAH! Actually ive had this conversation with a couple of them, because none of the girls I know on the internet understand why I dont get girls cause I talk to them just fine.
hahaha moose yup thats how it happened ;)
got picked up wednesday for crashing over a fence while trying to simultaneously roll my window down and wave at a friend. ended up getting pegged for possession and paraphernalia charges, papers. anyways, spent a night in detention hall, not so bad, got pulled pork sandwiches when i arrived and cookies before bed. pretty shitty experience in all, my entertainment in my cell was looking at the trees swaying out of the window, had to stand on my concrete slab of a bed on my tippy toes to see out of it though. totally worth the view.
[editline]27th April 2012[/editline]
it's fun to rhyme on facebook, cause you post so many paragraphs that no one gives a shit what you have to say because of their self induced laziness excuse of an ADD script. NO BODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK ON FACEBOOK, WHY DO I EVEN TRY TO JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS IF THE WORDS AREN'T HEARD AFTER?
[quote]Sup, I'm back, back again. Saw the day, thought through haze, crashed through craze, hell that pays. Owe it back, send it clack, clack clack, the blat blat gets that through your skull. Understand the rhythm and flow, that flew, who knew? I didn't, you? Get's you through and through, locked up, mocked up, stocked up, blocked up, gettin' lunch, pass the crunch, get a hunch, why me? Mistakes are made, problems solved, gotta get up to owe what the world only saw.
I have so fucking much to say but why say it? What is the point anymore if words bounce like a damned flat basketball? These words stay, portray, say a vision of tomorrow, yesterday, today is the day you make what you say what you do, who's you till you find out that bottle ain't popped for you? Questions, answers, demands and wants, all these things make a wonderful pot, of what you say, of luck I pray. You understand soup, my group, the blocks have locks you can't deny the system has you bought.[/quote]
[quote]I feel a walk is a good idea for a mind, at ease, justs steps please. On the track, on the trail, follow straight, leash in hand, dog on end. Multiply by two you got equations, evasions, publications, understatements, dialogue. So many words, so little ears, deaf ears, is this how it should, could or would be? Which one, so many words to fall unto deaf peers, deaf ears, sly tears sneak by, so why cry? Is this how it should, could or would be? No? Then why is it? Just is it, be it be, by and by, sigh for sigh I follow suit. Nice suit, too.[/quote]
[quote]You like what you hear, you like what you see, like what I do? Only one chance, this ain't a motherfuckin zoo. Take a peek, not a gander, I only seem like I know slander, got a hip hop sound modifyin' brander. Slick moves, tight grooves, got a pocket full o' sunshine and the day just gets grander.
monkey see monkey do, all you need to form a crew. why you would, i wouldn't ask, just gather some facts to realize you never passed.[/quote]
[quote]It say's "what's on your mind?" Sittin up there, i don't know, a lot. Oh I guess, I suppose, don't be jest, don't test me, you'll see, gotta see eventually. Don't you know? Probably not, why even ask, what's a point, the point even, get even so I see your name ain't steven. Is that right? Doesn't matter, why would it, never did, what's in a name? You got no body, no body to claim, nobody to blame. Body's dead, everybody's wed, so you shed from that skin, shed from that eye; a tear bled, singularity, occupational, circumstantial, actualization, nationalization. Grasp an idea, hold it, mold it, sold it, do it again, again, again, yo, hey, have i told? told you the definition of insanity, lately? Hold it, mold it, sold my insanity for a spot at the game, be tame, so lame, yet you get fame. How's that work? Never knew, never got a clue, so much to do. I grab a dish, fillet a fish, simple tasks in a clarity cause hilarity, one after one, never gets old, count em up, tally marks, slash parts, clash hearts, so bold and yet have I told? Told you a definition, has to do with insanity, maybe?[/quote]
Here's a personal favorite from my spree of posts yesterday (gotta love snoop):
[quote]I know you wanna try that, you wanna fry, tie, and maybe lie on that. You created fallacies, false seas, oceans for your pleasure, tides for your pain, wash it up, roll it up, roll it out. Get a beat, get a seat, grab a fleet, fleets of men with the words you preach, but you know what? YOU DON'T TEACH!
Welcome to this world you created, this place, so dilapidated, collapsed inside many heads, welcome to the world you're supposed to teach.
Welcome to the world of the Plastic Beach.
Teachin' to the choir, hey, woah, not so fast. If you're swimmin' like a flyer, floatin like a summer raft in a sea of the after math, all you gotta do is listen for a tick, just a bit like a rhyme so near but you feel the fear isn't here but there and here is near but there isn't where you need to be. Grab a glass, fill it up, pour it down, slip it up, slow it down, sounds so loud, flippin' coins at the dash like i got some class.
Just wish I could sit and reach, grab what's so near, like a feather floatin in the wind and it's just so high. This is the world you teach.
Welcome to the world of the Plastic Beach.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0OVD0_YJnU[/media][/quote]
After watching Zeitgiest while high, I will forever have a different look on life.
Struggling with socially accepted behavior as an autistic condemns my every effort of reaching out to be a journey of compulsive semantic analysis in the context of deliverance, added with the hours of mania induced study of thesauruses as substitutional strength in perfecting communication. Though always ending the same way, feelings of awkwardness, self loathing, remorse and a sense of being alienated to people in general. I have found that writing poetry with complex sentence construction and verbosity trains my use of language though, and therefore I obsess about writing in poetic art as much as I can. Constantly feeling the compulsive strain of perfecting my knowledge in expressing myself.
The easiest ways of unloading the mind is ending it. Contemplated suicide earlier, know it isn't the way but of course, when you're in that dip of depression you see it as the only way.
Anyone have some secure tips for dealing with copious amounts of stress and mood swings? They aren't even swings, just different levels of sad. This is a wicked circle to sink into. Think of the stress and the reasons why it's there, then think of how to fix them, fixing them is a slit to the throat, think of how that causes more stress, rinse & repeat.
[editline]27th April 2012[/editline]
seems that when i get depressed i forget all those things i planned to do later in life. Like my subconscious deems them unworthy of even thinking about so it locks them in a box far away from my conscious thoughts.
Silly me, i'm writing a comic in a couple years, I suppose that's one thing to look forward to. Hopefully i can tide myself over with this convoluted dream of a comic collaboration with my brother and our journey to fame and glory among those writing graphic novels.
[QUOTE=Pirate Jok3r;35737316]The easiest ways of unloading the mind is ending it. Contemplated suicide earlier, know it isn't the way but of course, when you're in that dip of depression you see it as the only way.
Anyone have some secure tips for dealing with copious amounts of stress and mood swings? They aren't even swings, just different levels of sad. This is a wicked circle to sink into. Think of the stress and the reasons why it's there, then think of how to fix them, fixing them is a slit to the throat, think of how that causes more stress, rinse & repeat.[/QUOTE]
thats the cognitive side of depression. The cycle of thinking about it reinforces the bad feelings, so you would need to think of something to break the cycle and replace it with something else.
[QUOTE=Pirate Jok3r;35737316]The easiest ways of unloading the mind is ending it. Contemplated suicide earlier, know it isn't the way but of course, when you're in that dip of depression you see it as the only way.
Anyone have some secure tips for dealing with copious amounts of stress and mood swings? They aren't even swings, just different levels of sad. This is a wicked circle to sink into. Think of the stress and the reasons why it's there, then think of how to fix them, fixing them is a slit to the throat, think of how that causes more stress, rinse & repeat.[/QUOTE]
I would recommend exercising a lot, sounds cliche I know, but the science alone of the neurochemical release of hormones while exercising makes it own standpoint. I started exercising with both weights and running when I started having panic attacks a few years ago, and today I am in good health, I look fit, I sleep better and the intense anxiety is just a bad memory.
If you for some reason want to avoid exercise or already exercise, there is the alternative (or addition) of meditation. Simply close your eyes, clear your mind and focus on your breathing for ten minutes a day keeping your mind blank to enter a state of hypnosis, going into trance is difficult in the beginning. But with repetition, I can speak from experience that descending into trance will take less than 5 seconds after a while.
[QUOTE=Memnoth;35737570]I would recommend exercising a lot, sounds cliche I know, but the science alone of the neurochemical release of hormones while exercising makes it own standpoint. I started exercising with both weights and running when I started having panic attacks a few years ago, and today I am in good health, I look fit, I sleep better and the intense anxiety is just a bad memory.
If you for some reason want to avoid exercise or already exercise, there is the alternative (or addition) of meditation. Simply close your eyes, clear your mind and focus on your breathing for ten minutes a day keeping your mind blank to enter a state of hypnosis, going into trance is difficult in the beginning. But with repetition, I can speak from experience that descending into trance will take less than 5 seconds after a while.[/QUOTE]
I've always been interested in meditation or hypnosis. Breathing is a great exercise for relieving stress, but of course being under it you are more inclined to not think of the many ways to break it and just hyper ventilate yourself into a panic attack. I will definitely look into doing some slight breathing/meditative sessions, are there any specific times you feel it is more effective or should i just throw it into my morning schedule after waking?
Exercising alone is great, yes, i agree wholeheartedly with that. I agreed with myself to start taking one of my dogs on a run every couple free days i have off of work. I have free weights in my room that were gaining dust but I broke them out last week and it felt great. I also did pushups, situps, etc in my cell during my stay in juvenile hall but that was more to pass time not to relieve any stress.
[editline]27th April 2012[/editline]
Each time I look at myself for contemplating ending my own life it seems more disgusting a thought to even begin with. But then when it comes up in thought as a possible action it seems so enticing. I'm almost overwhelmed at how convoluted the mind is.
[QUOTE=Pirate Jok3r;35737674]I've always been interested in meditation or hypnosis. Breathing is a great exercise for relieving stress, but of course being under it you are more inclined to not think of the many ways to break it and just hyper ventilate yourself into a panic attack. I will definitely look into doing some slight breathing/meditative sessions, are there any specific times you feel it is more effective or should i just throw it into my morning schedule after waking?[/QUOTE]
Routine consistency probably works best in the beginning since it could disrupt your ability to enter trance if you only meditate when feeling down, making your mind more difficult to silence.
You are a very intelligent individual memnoth and i thank you vastly for your advice and honesty. I will attempt to breathe myself calm tomorrow morning before work and each day after that. wake up, eat breakfast and sit for a good 10 minutes and just breathe.
[QUOTE=Pirate Jok3r;35737847]You are a very intelligent individual memnoth and i thank you vastly for your advice and honesty. I will attempt to breathe myself calm tomorrow morning before work and each day after that. wake up, eat breakfast and sit for a good 10 minutes and just breathe.[/QUOTE]
Thank you for the compliment, I believe you just need time with this. Time gives perspective, and perspective change emotions and when emotions change for the better, everything overwhelming and conflicting will be less of a burden. One day at a time.
I always hear "take it one day at a time" but i never took it into the kind of view you have, as a passage of time to sift through perspectives, emotions, and mental changes.
This phrase never hit home so hard till now "Time heals all wounds", although in some circumstances i can see it not boding too well.
Thanks for popping into this section memnoth, i feel you will have a lot of excellent content and words of wise to contribute and pass on to this small domain.
[editline]27th April 2012[/editline]
just noticed that's another tick in my personality i need to work on. I have a tendency to see at first the bright side of things but am quickly inclined to move onto the darker aspects and possibilities of situations and events. Although it isn't bad to think of consequences it's just i'm so adept and used to being able to shift my focus so quickly to the bad rather than dwell for longer on the good.
what's with the sudden influx of hippies around here?
[QUOTE=/B/rother;35743404]what's with the sudden influx of hippies around here?[/QUOTE]
That's a rather narrow-minded stereotypical labeling. Your choice in phrasing yourself creates the semantic sentence construction which would suggest it was being established as a rhetorical question. This proposes that the sole purpose was to mindlessly trying to squeeze out an egocentric assertion of displaying dominance. With the alternative of the other possible purpose of such a question would imply a lack of understanding in the use of rhetorical implication, rendering the question itself as unanswerable nonsense in this situation because of the clear suggestion of intolerance to certain behaviors.
Would you care to elaborate on the main implication that was left in the abstraction of the loose impression in the conflicted reasoning?
haha, holy shit i'm laughing so hard right now. why would anyone post like that?
[QUOTE=/B/rother;35744129]haha, holy shit i'm laughing so hard right now. why would anyone post like that?[/QUOTE]
Another rhetorical question I see. Very well, I'll raise in response with a statement of my own nonetheless; pursuers of knowledge and the simple desire to stimulate the communicative ability to express ones thoughts by creating semantically logical consistencies of conclusions defines the essence of compulsive studying.
Otherwise known as making your sentences sound wordy like we all stopped doing when we were fifteen because we don't want to sound like assholes.
People get by with informal communication just fine, sweetheart. Try it.
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