• Unload your mind in this thread.
    492 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Glitch360;33440439]I have a stutter that I've had pretty much my entire life, it started when I was 5-6 and I have no idea of what caused it. It's not as bad as it was ~8 years ago, but it still has quite an effect on me today. I would be a very social and outgoing person, if it wasn't for my stutter. It's pretty much the only thing holding me back from doing everything, it's at the point of where I'm afraid of talking to strangers because I think I'll fuck up and start stuttering. Its had quite a big effect on my social life, and it's put me in the anti-social area. It is really infuriating for me, I've tried countless times to get rid of it but nothings worked. Imagine wanting to say something, but not being able to. As a result talking to girls, especially ones I like, is pretty hard for me. Because of this stutter I haven't been able to get a girlfriend, and my self-confidence is really low. I wish there was a way to get rid of it, at this point I would do [b]anything[/b] to get rid of it, even if it took months and months of my time, money, and effort. Weed kinda helps alleviate it, but the day after I smoke it gets twice as bad as it usually is. That's been on my mind for months now, feels good to finally release it all[/QUOTE] When I talk a lot, I start fucking up what I say. I fuck up my words with other words and also say it incorrectly. Pisses me off because there's nothing I can do about it. I think it's because I'm German.
[QUOTE=t0cketty;33440810]When I talk a lot, I start fucking up what I say. I fuck up my words with other words and also say it incorrectly. Pisses me off because there's nothing I can do about it. I think it's because I'm German.[/QUOTE]I get that sometimes. I'll be talking, and then I'll start messing up my words and I end up losing my train of thought. Public speaking is my nemesis [editline]25th November 2011[/editline] This thread isn't just for drug-related things, right? Because I have loads of stuff I'd like to get off of my mind
[QUOTE=t0cketty;33440810]When I talk a lot, I start fucking up what I say. I fuck up my words with other words and also say it incorrectly. Pisses me off because there's nothing I can do about it. I think it's because I'm German.[/QUOTE] Happens to me and I only know English, don't really know what to do about it. It only started in the last few years from what I know. I also fuck up quick time events alot in games by pressing the wrong thing, seems relevant. [editline]27th November 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=Glitch360;33440952]I get that sometimes. I'll be talking, and then I'll start messing up my words and I end up losing my train of thought. Public speaking is my nemesis [editline]25th November 2011[/editline] This thread isn't just for drug-related things, right? Because I have loads of stuff I'd like to get off of my mind[/QUOTE] Go ahead.
I have a lot of shit I want to say, my main problem is that I'm too lazy to say it. There
A large pair of breasts emerged from the ground. The buoyant F-cups covering the night sky as they rolled towards Dr House. "I AM DAN. LEAVE NOW OR I WILL HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR HEAD." the breasts screamed. "BUT THIS IS MY DREAM" Dr House screamed and did a back flip and shot the breasts on the head and they died. Suddenly the moon people of the underground mole society appear and congratulate Dr House on her victory but the moon people are jehovas witnesses so she shot them in the head too. This made the underground mole king mad and he commencemented war on earth. Bombs fell and suddenly Dr House was in 2271 with the fallout people, so she went to the lucky 38 and threw the bomb at mr house and he died. Dr House became princess queen of all new vegas and people came to give her the stuff and guns. But before she knew it the moon people flew down on the planes and landed. The moon people shouted "STOP Dr House. YOU ARE UNDER NCR JURISDICTION" Dr House laughed and shot the moon people in the head and lost karma and became vilified with the NCR. The man they called devon godwar flew in on a bagger 288 and landed near Dr House. "STOP CRIMINAL SCUM" he opined. He got out 5000 paris guns from his penis and shot them at Dr House. The world blew up and the moon people were happy and had cake. But then the moon blew up because the earth hated the moon and landed on the place before the moon was in the place. Dr House flew using her special unidorn powers and landed on jupiter with devon godwar. "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE NOW I MUST CLEAN ALL THE EARTHS. You will not get away with this Dr House, I will get my lawyers to end you. THIS IS HIGHLY ILLEGAL" devon godwar turned into fatt rosenfatt and flew away using his magical gastrointestinal powers. But then the phone rang and Dr House shouldnt be able to use it because she had hooves and hooved animals tend to have problems operating cell phones but for the sake of the story she did it anyway. "Hello?" Dr House asked to the voice on the phone. "Hello this is man Pie I have killed the everything." replied man Pie. But Dr House has killed man pie in the earth explosion. So who was phone? nobody knows. She asked the phone "YOU ARE DEAD I KILLED YOU", but pinke pie just laughed and said "I cannot die. I am manAHAHudghakdbksjdhnajk" and then the phone died and Dr House walked back to earth which was now fixed. Dr House got out her M16 and her other guns and 360 noscoped everyone who was on the ground of the earth that was fixed. This angered man because she is pimp queen of equestria and she bitch slapped Dr House and Dr House fell to the ground. Then CJ appeared and is a straight-up busta fool so man brohoofed CJ. "man this nigga aint right lets bust a cap in her ass" so CJ and man fired the guns at Dr House but Dr House had a trick up her hoof (pnoys dont have sleeves) and banned CJ as a warning. "Admin abuse!" said man pie as she continued the firing at Dr House. But Dr House had god mode admin hacks and laughed at all the bullets but then wheatley fell from the sky and hit Dr House in the face disabling her god mode admin hacks and man managed to fire the guns at the the. Dr House was doomed but then she remembered she left her pop tarts in the toaster so she ran back home but when she got home her home was gone and nowhere to be found. i'm so fucking high right now
[QUOTE=kaskade700;33414321]Use the legal loop holes and order the shit you need to make either Shrooms or DMT and make it yourself. I have no experience making DMT but once your shrooms are germinated there's only really one piece of work left and that is done in 5 minh and after that you just wait :)[/QUOTE] Since extracting DMT is harder than growing shrooms, I'm gonna go with the latter. Soon.
I have basically read this entire thread. Skipping a couple replies, etc. But it's inspired me to give my best go at ranting my sob-story. Two years ago I used to smoke the herb every now and then (2 times a week or so) and I now don't know weather or not to regret it like hell or embrace that it's made me stronger. My genetics hold a known diagnose for schizophrenia, that I was diagnosed with two summers back, though it's uncommon to see in people being under the age of 25. Which, (as might be obvious), frightens me a lot, knowing that I am likely to experience much more intense schizophrenia in the near future. How this all ties together is, two years ago, I smoked my first "[I]water-bong[/I]" with a good friend of mine and her older brother. After two hits I was toasted, crashed on her brother's bed and started watching [I]Land Before Time[/I]. I remember crawling back onto the floor where they took their hits and everything went out of proportion. I would like to say it may have been my first "real high", but I had smoked [I]a lot[/I] before that, I felt insane. I started asking what was going on constantly, they took me out for air which did no help. I tried drinking water, splashing water on my face, I couldn't stop shaking. I remember sitting in a corner thinking I was going insane and that horrible feeling was going to last forever. Everything went black, I had gone into a seizure session and my friend called the cops for help. I then woke up to police asking me questions and being rolled into an ambulance on a stretcher. It's taken me a long while to get over the horrible feeling that, that incident engraved into my mind. I'm not yet sure weather the marijuana was tainted, it was an allergic reaction, or my nervous system is just that sensitive; but I'm positive that's what triggered my schizophrenia. It's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend, family and just about anything you can think of..
[QUOTE=Limpid;33440024]This. Sorta.. Doing drugs boosted my social life in many ways, i used to never leave my house cause i hung out with total straight edges that only played games. I hated it so much,i felt like such a loser in mind so i luckily managed to chill with some old friends and blaze. I'm never gonna regret it. Everyday i get to do the things i love, socialize, go outside, blaze in stoner circles, meet new people and share ideas. There are so many more things to appreciate then being some super hard worker or smart person. The satisfaction of a job well done has never won me over. Meeting people that understand you 100% and like you for being honest and inquisitive is the one thing i love. Doing drugs had brought me closer and closer to that feeling. Could i have just done something else to get attention?, yes. I could have expressed myself more or act less shy, but i almost felt like it wasn't my fault, I know i live with some kind of disorder. Maybe its just teenage depression or my inability to focus. People used to think i had ADD but i never wanted to believe it (namely teachers). Seems like in this society you gotta has some sort of excuse to do drugs, mostly health problems, not so great experiences from family or childhood. What the hell am i doing though i have a nearly great pair of parents that nearly have the same ideas like me, not be dependent on big ideas like religion. My whole family of four has no understanding of religion but they prefer to have their our semi serious beliefs to follow and guide all of us though life. They provide me with so much that most of my friends don't have. It makes me feel like a poser i got no reasons to through my life away and do potentially more ethical things. Read, socialize without depending on drugs to be able to. I'm just truly not comftable with it, I can never preforn the same repetitive tasks everyday, i feel like it drives me insane more than others. Things like studying things in the same exact fashion, having nerdy friends that never seemed to have a good sense of humor or never had an interesting life beyond chatting to local schoolmates and never contacting them out side of the place. Its wrong and kind of rude. You always share attention among your friends. I'm not saying what social clique a person is in describes them entirely. I did speed and i feel like the person i wanted to be. I have no paranoid feelings in me and i feel the most confident ever. Normally id be too shy to post on fp about my personal life and feelings. I cant go on anymore, this drug made me feel complete, I'm definitely gonna feel awful tomorrow. I already feel awful because of my Dad just finding out i do drugs. Oh man im spewing out so much i gotta take a break.[/QUOTE] you have ADD get some prescribged amphetamines like adderal.
[QUOTE=gRuKz;33470746]you have ADD get some prescribged amphetamines like adderal.[/QUOTE] Its all about the Ritalin brobeans
i'm incredibly fucking smacked and i'm about to go to school [editline]28th November 2011[/editline] but I feel like everyone says they can't function without drugs, but they really mean they're more comfortable being talkative/social whenever you're under the influence.
[video=youtube;5HvnEX0uqQM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HvnEX0uqQM&feature=feedu[/video] [B][I]Some thread music I hope is enjoyed.[/I] <3[/B]
It's all suddenly hit me at once. I started taking anti-depressants a few weeks ago, and while I certainly don't feel like dying anymore . . . . . . I just don't feel like living either. Is this really the better option?
[QUOTE=Exploits;33486743]It's all suddenly hit me at once. I started taking anti-depressants a few weeks ago, and while I certainly don't feel like dying anymore . . . . . . I just don't feel like living either. Is this really the better option?[/QUOTE] it might seem like a stupid thing, but you could try shrooms, psilocybin is currently being trialed in new york for anti-depression qualities, majority of cases have been over-all successful too it wont cure it, but it might help to an extent...
[QUOTE=Exploits;33486743]It's all suddenly hit me at once. I started taking anti-depressants a few weeks ago, and while I certainly don't feel like dying anymore . . . . . . I just don't feel like living either. Is this really the better option?[/QUOTE] mood stabilisers and the like are a really iffy area of medication in my experience. I've often thought about Lithium to help with my manic episodes, but I don't like the sounds of the side effects
I don't honestly know if this is the right place, but it seems like. So where should I start? I guess a bit of background can't hurt. I was born in a normal family, father working all week, home on the weekends, mother was taking care of the household. I have 3 sisters, 2 brothers, not really important though. I'm the youngest, currently 18 years. Back when I was 10 or 11, my father lost his job and shit started to get worse. We moved into some hobo home thing, not sure how you'd call them in english, the projects? Basically, imagine having no heater, no hot water, basically just jobless/homeless people living there. I was in 4th grade at that time. School in general was hard for me. Not grade wise, but social wise. My parents do smoke a lot and so my clothes smelled like smoke all the time. Back in elementary school, I handled it by playing the funny guy, making jokes about everything. But when I moved onto highschool, I decided I had to change. Being more mature. But that didn't really help. The typical situation, I got bullied because my parents were poor. I still don't get HOW someone can bully a kid, who has literally nothing to do with that. Anyways, back when I was younger, I already had a fucked up view from the world, I've seen people who abused drugs when I was 8 or so, there's one guy I remember perfectly. His name's Pierré, I met him on a playground which was for kids and youths, where you could buy stuff with wood, like homes or ramps or stuff, or repair your bicycle, do some graffiti. He did a lot of graffiti, good stuff. I always loved to talk to him, but then he disappeared. He never came to the playground anymore. Some weeks later I heard he had took an over dose of some drugs and got his stomach pumped out at the hospital, saw him on the streets once. I asked him how he's going and all he said was "Pierre", I asked him a few other questions, can't remember them, but his answer was just Pierre. Like the only thing he knew anymore was Pierre, his name. From that day, I told myself to stay away from drugs. I've been almost raped once. I don't remember much about this, all I do remember is I was out with my brother when some "friend" of my brother invited us to his home, all I then remember is sitting at a police station and they told me said "friend" of my bro was a known child molester. He went into prison after, don't know what happened to him by now. I've done a lot of shit when I was younger, like stealing. From candy to games, my mate and me stole literally everything. We got caught twice, of like 200 times or so we did this. I wasn't proud of it, but I loved the risk. I was under 14, so the police couldn't do more than telling me to stop it. The last year of high school I've been missing classes like every day, been out, thinking about my life. I often thought about suicide back then, but came to the fact it won't make sense and all I'd do is give proof that I didn't had the nuts to go on. But after I graduated, it all got worse. I tried to get an apprentice, but after working for 3 days there I lost motivation. Now that's like 2 years ago, still don't have an apprentice and I feel like my mind is fucked. I switch moods pretty often, like I start the day all happy, but suddenly I get depressed. That's one of the reasons I started to smoke weed, which at first really helped, but now I realize it just makes things worse. I feel like I'm addicted. I've never really had real friends, atleast I think so. But because a lot of people in school bullied and joked me, I kinda lost trust in humans. I can't say if someone is my friend or not. Like, whenever I call my mate and ask if he wants to hang out, because I'm feeling depressed again, and he tells me he got no time, the first thing that comes to my mind is that he doesn't wants to hang out with me. Earlier this year, I started some kind of job orientation, thought they could help me. It was pretty fun and it was nice to meet new people, also they told me I could start an apprentice as an audio visual designer. Over the time I found some new friends to hang out with. I started to go to partys, get drunk and higher than never before, I even got laid. But I felt like I don't really fit in. I don't really know what happened, but when I call them now they always tell me they got no time. Now I'm sure they just don't want to hang out with me anymore, mostly because I still was depressed most the times and didn't really "enjoy" anything. Once again I lost motivation and quit the job orientation and here I am right now. Stuck. I have literally no motivation to do anything, it seems like my parents don't care about me and in general I'm sick of this world. I don't know what to expect from this post, just wanted to write this down atleast once. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again.
ITT: First World Problems. ITP: My First World Problem: I have anxiety problems, always have. I've been reviewing the past year or so of my life in my head. I've figured out that weed is sort of a double edged sword on anxiety for me. It takes away irrational anxieties I have attached on many things in life, but only at the appropriate level which is a lot easier to reach with a tolerance. So if my tolerance is too low and/or I smoke too much it'll have the opposite effect; racing heart, negative thought loops, etc. I just have a bad time. That's a big problem for me because that's why I smoked everyday, it took the edge off of things. I suppose I have other "issues" although I lack proper diagnosis, other than "depression" and what's theorized to be bi-polar disorder. My family never took me to a doctor to make the "proper diagnosis" partly because of money partly because that's not what I wanted. They worked together. Back to the main point; I used to have a large supply of psychedelic drugs to where I could trip whenever I wanted to. I made more progression on myself in the week I tripped every other day than I ever made on my own or through 'therapy.' During my extremely long trips being locked inside a house without any connection to the outside world except a land line phone. I ran out of things to think about and things to do, games to play, movies to watch etc. So I ended up sitting alone in silence thinking about all my problems and tracing them back to their source. Then having found the source I was able to see it all from an outside perspective and realize that's the way things are and why. From there on I was able to keep that vision of the outside view in every day life, thus in a way resolving them. However good things never last and due to a tragedy my entire supply was found, taken, and destroyed. Cutting all my progression off shortly after it's highest point. After being cut off from this high point without taking myself smoothly back down I crashed, started trying to do the job the psychedelics did with other drugs. Dissociatives work okay, but that's about it. I tried to bring myself down hopelessly, I didn't even know. I did it because I enjoyed it, but now I've realized that there's a reason for all this behavior. Had my entire stash not been destroyed I would not have my drug problem today. Thankfully I'm not physically addicted to anything, as far as I know at least. tl;rd: Smoke weed, do psychedelics, disregard medicine
A lot of us in here seem depressed and out of it. I just want to say for the record that although life isn't easy and it can seem like its not worth it at times, it's always worth it. Reminds me of a line a wrote for a song: Like a million shining fishes swimming right below the surface its the chirping and the wishes that remind us of our purpose and though the stomach tends to shrink and we all know we don't deserve this we keep going in this circus even though it makes us nervous because it's worth it. For every down feeling you could have, I promise you there is an equal and/or greater feeling of happiness that life can present. And though it's true we don't live for the shitty moments but rather the good ones, it's those melancholic, painful experiences and memories that put the good ones into perspective. You have to learn to appreciate the bullshit for what it is; a learning experience, a counterbalance, and a necessity to human life as we know it. The strength and quality of your life is in YOUR hands. Don't screw yourself over with negativity, choose to be happy.
2 day bump My girlfriend hanging out with other people just frustrates me, it's not that I feel jealous; it's just that when other than her one or two female friends all her friends are male, and they go bush walking together after I told her I wasn't invited so I wasn't going it just annoys me. maybe i'm being unfair, I know they're friends and everything, but I just don't think she should be hanging out with other guys, especially when they all act so fucking childishly. I mean, i'm fine with letting her have her fun and all that, but I can't help that it annoys me, and as much as it may seem so, it's not a jealousy thing, I'm 100% confident in our relationship and am perfectly fine with taking days off from seeing her (Saw her yesterday, don't usually see her every single day) but for some reason it just bugs me. anyone have any input? edit: some more context, the guy is both friends with me and my girlfriend, though he's closer friends with her due to them being in a small circle of friends that basically used to have their own nickname and everything, I really don't mind them hanging out but when he specifically told me I wasn't invited, then told her that when she asked if I was going with him, it just frustrates me to find out she went with him on their own without even telling me.
start hanging out with more females
I'm sorry baby, sorry for the shit I brought you through despite what you did to me. I will always love you.
[QUOTE=Inzalonus;33535137]2 day bump My girlfriend hanging out with other people just frustrates me, it's not that I feel jealous; it's just that when other than her one or two female friends all her friends are male, and they go bush walking together after I told her I wasn't invited so I wasn't going it just annoys me. maybe i'm being unfair, I know they're friends and everything, but I just don't think she should be hanging out with other guys, especially when they all act so fucking childishly. I mean, i'm fine with letting her have her fun and all that, but I can't help that it annoys me, and as much as it may seem so, it's not a jealousy thing, I'm 100% confident in our relationship and am perfectly fine with taking days off from seeing her (Saw her yesterday, don't usually see her every single day) but for some reason it just bugs me. anyone have any input? edit: some more context, the guy is both friends with me and my girlfriend, though he's closer friends with her due to them being in a small circle of friends that basically used to have their own nickname and everything, I really don't mind them hanging out but when he specifically told me I wasn't invited, then told her that when she asked if I was going with him, it just frustrates me to find out she went with him on their own without even telling me.[/QUOTE] Everyone acts different around others, if she wants to hang around with childish guys and enjoys it why not? Maybe your girlfriend doesn't invite you because she thinks they annoy you (i.e. being childish)? Just ask to come along next time and see what she says.
[QUOTE=Inzalonus;33535137]2 day bump My girlfriend hanging out with other people just frustrates me, it's not that I feel jealous; it's just that when other than her one or two female friends all her friends are male, and they go bush walking together after I told her I wasn't invited so I wasn't going it just annoys me. maybe i'm being unfair, I know they're friends and everything, but I just don't think she should be hanging out with other guys, especially when they all act so fucking childishly. I mean, i'm fine with letting her have her fun and all that, but I can't help that it annoys me, and as much as it may seem so, it's not a jealousy thing, I'm 100% confident in our relationship and am perfectly fine with taking days off from seeing her (Saw her yesterday, don't usually see her every single day) but for some reason it just bugs me. anyone have any input? edit: some more context, the guy is both friends with me and my girlfriend, though he's closer friends with her due to them being in a small circle of friends that basically used to have their own nickname and everything, I really don't mind them hanging out but when he specifically told me I wasn't invited, then told her that when she asked if I was going with him, it just frustrates me to find out she went with him on their own without even telling me.[/QUOTE] then dont worry about it man, if they are childish or whatever, let em. As long as you dont think she is gonna run off with one of them then let her do whatever. You could get under her skin by dont what Mac said, which would be hilarious. You might be looking too into it.
When I was ~8?, I watched my dad beat my mom to near death. 5 minutes later he told me he didn't mean to hurt her and things were gonna be okay. When I was 10-15, I watched my mother work herself to near death just to make ends meet. We would've been living in a nice home with no troubles but America decided to not recognize her German 23-year schooling in nursing. I've thought about suicide twice. I consider that normal... comparing me and FP :v: I've been beaten in an alley left to die. few weeks later, same lads wanted to finish the job and decided to stab me behind the bar. When I was little, I was the bully in my school. I regret it. I beat up kids and almost killed someone. I can't even remember why I wanted to do it.
[QUOTE=Inzalonus;33535137]but when he specifically told me I wasn't invited, then told her that when she asked if I was going with him, it just frustrates me to find out she went with him on their own without even telling me.[/QUOTE] I was going to say that you shouldn't let your irrational emotions effect her, they are yours to deal with and you need to learn to control it. But then I read that and I don't blame you for being pissed. That guy sounds like a dick, he should want you to go too if you make his friend happy. Maybe he wants to chill just with her, and that's cool, but if the guy's being a tool about it I'd be pissed. [editline]2nd December 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=t0cketty;33543952]When I was ~8?, I watched my dad beat my mom to near death. 5 minutes later he told me he didn't mean to hurt her and things were gonna be okay. When I was 10-15, I watched my mother work herself to near death just to make ends meet. We would've been living in a nice home with no troubles but America decided to not recognize her German 23-year schooling in nursing. I've thought about suicide twice. I consider that normal... comparing me and FP :v: I've been beaten in an alley left to die. few weeks later, same lads wanted to finish the job and decided to stab me behind the bar. When I was little, I was the bully in my school. I regret it. I beat up kids and almost killed someone. I can't even remember why I wanted to do it.[/QUOTE] <3 You're stronger than I could ever be, sir.
yeah point being I brought up the idea of doing said thing, then he goes and says "Well i'm doing that tomorrow", I asked oh yeah so you want me to come then and he says no you're not invited and starts in general being a douchebag about it
[QUOTE=t0cketty;33543952]When I was ~8?, I watched my dad beat my mom to near death. 5 minutes later he told me he didn't mean to hurt her and things were gonna be okay. When I was 10-15, I watched my mother work herself to near death just to make ends meet. We would've been living in a nice home with no troubles but America decided to not recognize her German 23-year schooling in nursing. I've thought about suicide twice. I consider that normal... comparing me and FP :v: I've been beaten in an alley left to die. few weeks later, same lads wanted to finish the job and decided to stab me behind the bar. When I was little, I was the bully in my school. I regret it. I beat up kids and almost killed someone. I can't even remember why I wanted to do it.[/QUOTE] You're the kind of person I like to make friends with. Someone with a story. It's really unfair I know but there's something I don't like about a person who's never been through something like that. It's like they live in a different world. Makes it hard to relate to them sometimes.
[QUOTE=SilverHammer;33560267]You're the kind of person I like to make friends with. Someone with a story. It's really unfair I know but there's something I don't like about a person who's never been through something like that. It's like they live in a different world. Makes it hard to relate to them sometimes.[/QUOTE] You sound like a pretentious asshole, sir. [editline]3rd December 2011[/editline] "You haven't had life shit on you in the same way I have, so I can't relate to you."
I'm not trying to sound like one. But really. I have a hard time relating. It's not a superiority complex or something. I don't think i'm better than you or anyone else.
[QUOTE=SilverHammer;33560495]I'm not trying to sound like one. But really. I have a hard time relating. It's not a superiority complex or something. I don't think i'm better than you or anyone else.[/QUOTE] I'm just saying that you know it's irrational and petty, and yet you continue to think that way? Seems counter-productive. Maybe you think you can't help it and it just comes naturally, but anything that can be conditioned into your mind, can be conditioned out.
[QUOTE=SilverHammer;33560267]It's really unfair I know but there's something I don't like about a person who's never been through something like that.[/QUOTE] i'm fortunate enough to never have gone through anything horrendous in my life so far and i have to say that that's a horrible way to think
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