• Unload your mind in this thread.
    492 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Amic;33586421]This school year=shit, first thought every day, three months, 'Why do i even get up? Just to go to one place, study something to forget it week after, and go to sleep?'. Why do we study most from polish, geography, history, german, when our 'priororities' (like tematic class) are math, IT and english? That plus teachers being extra retarded and nervous, general disability to ~explain~ and lack of any after school stuff. I'm fed up with society around me, being general idiots who try to show themselves as cool because of complexes in life (probably problems at homes). Why Shweppes is so fucking good, i mean, MOUTHGASM.[/QUOTE] From what I figure, we learn other shit so the knowledge doesn't get forgotten. Can't really blame the teachers when you have to deal with retarded kids all day and you can't even swear at them and they get little pay. There are some extra dickhead ones though, I think they just like the "power". When I was at school the kids were just a special kind of fucking stupid, maybe I was at a bad school. Anyway, once you get out you'll hardly notice people like that. Well you probably will, but in different ways. Everyone still strives to be cool and keep in line with everyone else, it's just that once you get out of school being cool isn't "being a giant dick" anymore.
this is the golden rule; [i]keep what you have because it's all we have left[/i]
Dignity's a hobby, respect is a career.
Insomnia's a bitch, and so's the itch. The temptress calls my name, and she can really play the game. I only have myself to blame, but all the same, I justify and rationalize and tell myself lies. No more. I refuse to be a whore. Today's the day that yesterday fades away, and I say goodbye. My life is mine and it's going to work out fine. New leaf, new page, different age, going up and up and don't look down - all the things you used to love? They're on the ground. These rhymes soothe me and I'm not sure why. Used to be, I wrote all the time. But it's fine. Got some good tunes and soon the sun. Maybe I'll run today. Have some fun. I won't turn back. I'm done looking back. Forget about the heart attack. But I'm yet to find true joy, the kind I had as a boy. Maybe it's PAWS. Poppies are liars - paradise first, but then it's on fire and you're strung up by the wire and do you ask for more? Sure you do. You stop being you. Whites turn gray and blacks fade away. Nuts in a vice but you don't think twice - the taste of that kiss, that hour of bliss, it takes your soul and leaves a hole in its place. Now I'm numb, you see. Not unhappy, or angry. Not that I'm in pain. My brain is just stuck on N, and I live my life without strife. Waiting for what? Maybe it'll pass. Feelings never last, but this is one beast that stays on my back. I'd like a little slack now and then. But to take it would be a sin against myself. What else is there? So much for that happy note. This just ends.
[QUOTE=lunarwalrus;33590785]From what I figure, we learn other shit so the knowledge doesn't get forgotten. Can't really blame the teachers when you have to deal with retarded kids all day and you can't even swear at them and they get little pay. There are some extra dickhead ones though, I think they just like the "power". When I was at school the kids were just a special kind of fucking stupid, maybe I was at a bad school. Anyway, once you get out you'll hardly notice people like that. Well you probably will, but in different ways. Everyone still strives to be cool and keep in line with everyone else, it's just that once you get out of school being cool isn't "being a giant dick" anymore.[/QUOTE] All of our teachers are dickheads (well, i know 5 good, they don't teach me tho). Also, today i noticed, how BEAUTIFUL human eye is. It's just amazing.
[i] everyday i see my dream ∞ every time i dive in my pool it's hard to be humble [/i]
I see this thread hasn't been in use, was just going through my old posts to get my mind of recent events that follow but instead come across this thread and some posts i made in it Oh how I want to unload My brother is a relapsing alcoholic who just threw his 90 days of sobriety away yesterday by getting ahold of vodka and coming home blackout drunk and yelling at my parents and all sorts of other bullshit ensued. Ended up throwing a coffee mug at them but missing so my folks called the police. He's currently at the county jail with no recollection of what happened, what his offenses are, how he got there or how he actually acquired the booze. All of this occurred while I was asleep and then I finally hear about this after it happened I'm assuming around 10 hours later when I come home from work. Work is equally depressing in where I work at a library and my job is to shelve books and other library items like cd's and what not. Shelving is a very, very, VERY quiet job so there is a lot of time to think. Thinking is not something I like to do because I wander a lot in my mind, not the good wandering like daydreaming either. I've been having intrusive suicidal thoughts, paranoid thoughts, and rather vulgar thoughts lately. I haven't been in touch with just about all of my highschool friends after graduating early, I attempt to get in touch once in awhile but it seems they don't care to get in touch with me or even checking up just to see whats up. wish i could say I've been as loyal to them as i wish they were to me but that's far from the truth. When I'm not distracted by something such as music or a movie I get in psychological loops where I will repeat over and over the same intrusive thought that just popped in. I even try to think my way out of it but it pulls a u-ie and sucks me back in. I'm going to call in to work and see if they can give me the weekend off and if possibly monday too because I know for a fact I won't be sleeping tonight and probably not the next night. Laying down is like subscribing to a newsletter of obstructive, distracting, and disgusting thoughts with no spam filter. I can't even see myself falling asleep right now, I don't even feel tired but I know I need sleep. I got about 4 hours max the last night and even before then it was around 4-6.
Oh man I'm sorry. I was SOOO fucking close to bumping this thread last night. I had like 6 paragraphs written and everything.
Our family is usually pretty resilient somehow in these situations. Our blood has a bit of tragedy in our history, it's how we work i suppose. If you somehow have that book saved you should post it. Thanks for introducing me to these guys Beth, i put this song on loop last night and drifted off pretty easily. Only have about 3 hours under my belt right now but I'm gonna suck it up and go to work, and then hopefully immmediately after drive straight to get a quarter of the finest midwestern dank and get home to smoke myself to sleep. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdbIboXLmYo[/media]
What if somewhere deep in the universe there was a galaxy that is each and every one of our thoughts and this whole universe is just someone's simple thought and it goes on in an endless paradox of beings all thoughts
Jesus christ I need some Oxycodone or something similar, I'd kill for a pill. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] this is fucking driving me crazy i'd do anything for some more [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] fucking piece of shit doctor wont give me another script until march [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] gonna find where he lives and fucking force him to write me a script fuck him
[QUOTE=Biotic;34767067]Jesus christ I need some Oxycodone or something similar, I'd kill for a pill. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] this is fucking driving me crazy i'd do anything for some more [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] fucking piece of shit doctor wont give me another script until march [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] gonna find where he lives and fucking force him to write me a script fuck him[/QUOTE] Opiate Rage What kind of pills were you taking? Dosage? [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] Fuck, Weremoose is fast
[QUOTE=Biotic;34767067]Jesus christ I need some Oxycodone or something similar, I'd kill for a pill. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] this is fucking driving me crazy i'd do anything for some more [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] fucking piece of shit doctor wont give me another script until march [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] gonna find where he lives and fucking force him to write me a script fuck him[/QUOTE] if codeine will help try cold water extractions from aspirin
So I don't really want to go completely into it right now, because it'd be way too much to type. So my mom has always taken opiates to get high whenever she can. She's been doing it long before I was born. She thinks that just because she has a bad knee, that it's okay to get really high on stuff. And I know I'm a bit hypocritical, because I do drugs too. But when I do drugs I don't yell at people because I have opi-rage. And I don't fall down, beg for attention and do everything in my power to go back to the hospital for more. My mom acts like a caring person, but really she is one of the most selfish people I have ever met. She thinks that it's everyone else's job to take care of her, and no matter what love her. She gets a upset from something and then her leg hurts her horribly and we have to drop everything and go to the hospital so they can give her medicine. She uses her father and steals from him. When I was younger if she didn't get her way with my stepfather (ex he wouldn't take her to the hospital or he told her to grow up) she'd take the anger on me. It's ridiculous, she's 45 and she acts like a spoiled 8 year old girl. I've been dealing with this my entire life. If I don't pity her and swell her ego, then I'm in trouble. So you know after a while it gets old. It pisses me off. She just takes advantage of everyone, and if I tell her to stop taking pills then I need to grow up and respect her and learn compassion. I have horrible communication skills, it happens. If all you see is people yelling and screaming, you start to think that's the way things should be. It's what I saw my entire life, no one sat down and talked, they just screamed and fought. So when my mom starts doing this stuff, my first reaction is to be really pissed off. So I suppress it and try to talk. If I try to talk to my mom she tells me she isn't high (even if it's extremely obvious) and that I need to grow up and learn compassion in other people because she...(at this point she starts to tell me all of her problems and how they are so important and how I need to give her sympathy) If I try and talk to my grandfather he either ignores me, or tells me she is sick, or tells me that I may be right but there isn't a point of worrying about it. So I at this point I've tried to reason, be mature and talk about my problems, you know like they tell me too. And when they don't listen to me, then I get fucking pissed off. And once I'm mad, it's not my moms fault for taking pills and using everyone. It's my fault because I get angry and my anger disturbs their quiet life. They don't want to deal with the problems, they want to ignore them and go on with life. Which I don't think is fair, because I've watched my mom take advantage of my ex stepfather, her father and me my entire life. She shouldn't be able to do it, but her dad just lets her. And so me pointing out the problem and me showing anger means they have to deal with it, so they get pissed off and suddenly I'm in trouble. It's okay that my mom is making my grandfather take her to the hospital, sit there for 2-4 hours and then pay her bill(all so she can get a buzz), but it's not okay that I want her to stop. I mean I care, and that's it. That's my problem, I care. I care about my mom still oddly, and I want her to get better. I care about my grandfather, I don't think it's fair that he has to take care of my mom and I hate to watch her steal from him. It pisses me off, because I care. And I realized something, if my mom really cared about me or him, she'd stop. So a couple of days ago she got started again. Limping around when she is around me or my grandfather(when she can walk fine. like no shit I've seen her walk fine, then get into my grandfathers eyesight and start limping) and doing other little things like that for pity. And if she isn't immediately given it, she gets really mad. Like later that night I was going to go downstairs, and she was laying at the bottom of the stairs (I thought I had heard a loud noises 15 minutes or so before, but I wasn't sure.). And I freaked out, I thought she fell and really hurt herself. So I rush down there and she's like "I can't move it hurts so bad I fell down the stairs". So I try to help her up, but she won't let me. Then she sits up, and uses her arms to climb onto the stairs and sit, even though she can't move. Then she's like "Look at it, it hurts so bad", I was like "Oh shit, lets call my grandpa" then she gets all "No I don't wanna bother him call 911" so I call 911 and go upstairs. About three minutes later I hear her get up, walk to the door, unlock it, and then go sit back down. But a minute ago she couldn't even move. At this point I realize she was going to lay at the bottom of the stairs until my grandfather came home. Why? Attention. So the paramedics came by, and she was like "It hurtsss so bad, but I'm not going to the hospital(they wanted to take her to the one she's been going to recently, and that's a no no cause they won't give her any more drugs)" So my grandfather comes home and she WALKS downstairs, and tells him she needs to go to the hospital. It's 9 at night. He says okay and she's like "I don't want to make you take me to Atlanta(45 minutes away)" But then precedes to convince him to take her to the hospital in Atlanta. And she pulls that shit all the time, that was two days ago. We got into a fight the next day after I tried to tell my grandfather about it, and how she takes advantage of him. He didn't listen. I went to my mom, begged her to stop. She just got mad. So I get mad and start yelling at her and crying about how unfair it is. Once I get emotional everyone is pissed off at me because I'm bothering them. So I say fuck it and give up and go upstairs. Yesterday me and my girlfriend came back from shopping, we are standing in the kitchen when my mom and grandpa come in. Because I got mad at my mom for pulling this shit, that means I'm getting kicked out. Yup, they tried to kick me out because I care about them. And the only reason they had was that I get angry. I only get angry when I try to talk to them and they don't listen or tell me I can talk, then when I start telling them my side interrupt me and tell me how wrong I am without even listening to what I have to say. So even though my mom is doing all of this, it's my fault for making them deal with it. My grandfather wants to live in ignorance, and my mom just wants her way. And I'm the bad one for bringing it up. Anyway sorry about that, I just wanted to get that off my chest. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Smooth-e;34772479] Fuck, Weremoose is fast[/QUOTE] What'd I do?
[QUOTE=Smooth-e;34772479]Opiate Rage What kind of pills were you taking? Dosage?[/QUOTE] Like I said, Oxycodone(though they were in percocet form), I'd take around 30-60mg daily, with it constantly rising. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=kafurie;34772624]if codeine will help try cold water extractions from aspirin[/QUOTE] You can get Codeine from aspirin OTC in the US?
[QUOTE=Biotic;34775984]Like I said, Oxycodone(though they were in percocet form), I'd take around 30-60mg daily, with it constantly rising.[/QUOTE] Do you have any actual pain that you take them for, or is it for recreational use? [QUOTE=Biotic;34775984]You can get Codeine from aspirin OTC in the US?[/QUOTE] I pretty sure it's not OTC over here.
[QUOTE=Biotic;34775984] You can get Codeine from aspirin OTC in the US?[/QUOTE] using cold water extractions you can get codeine out of aspirin just look for the active ingredient to be just aspirin :v: materials water a pot and a stove (or a cup and a microwave) pills (aspirin) fridge (to make it faster) coffee filter 1.first warm up the water 2.put aspirin in warmed water 3.dissolve aspirin in the water 4.cool slowly 5.look at crystals (the crystals is everything else other than the codeine) 6.filter thou coffee filter 7.drink the water (not the crystals) 8.wonder "why didn't i make this taste any better" this works because codeine has a different boiling point and freezing point that the rest
[QUOTE=kafurie;34776875]using cold water extractions you can get codeine out of aspirin just look for the active ingredient to be just aspirin :v: materials water a pot and a stove (or a cup and a microwave) pills (aspirin) fridge (to make it faster) coffee filter 1.first warm up the water 2.put aspirin in warmed water 3.dissolve aspirin in the water 4.cool slowly 5.look at crystals (the crystals is everything else other than the codeine) 6.filter thou coffee filter 7.drink the water (not the crystals) 8.wonder "why didn't i make this taste any better" this works because codeine has a different boiling point and freezing point that the rest[/QUOTE] How much aspirin would I need for a decent high off the codeine?
[QUOTE=kafurie;34776875]using cold water extractions you can get codeine out of aspirin just look for the active ingredient to be just aspirin :v: materials water a pot and a stove (or a cup and a microwave) pills (aspirin) fridge (to make it faster) coffee filter 1.first warm up the water 2.put aspirin in warmed water 3.dissolve aspirin in the water 4.cool slowly 5.look at crystals (the crystals is everything else other than the codeine) 6.filter thou coffee filter 7.drink the water (not the crystals) 8.wonder "why didn't i make this taste any better" this works because codeine has a different boiling point and freezing point that the rest[/QUOTE] So even if it just says "Aspirin" in it, it has codeine?
[QUOTE=Biotic;34776887]How much aspirin would I need for a decent high off the codeine?[/QUOTE] last time i did i put the whole small bottle (i think 500 mg ) and it was good enough for me and someone eels to get a good high
I don't understand how you can get codeine from just aspirin. :\
[QUOTE=Biotic;34777295]I don't understand how you can get codeine from just aspirin. :\[/QUOTE] its one of the ingredients of aspirin and it has a different boiling point so wile everything eles is crystallizing the codeine is a liquid
I've never heard of this. And I would think if you can extract codeine from it, A LOT of people would be doing it.
Yeah, I've never heard of people doing this inside the States. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Werem00se;34773035]So I don't really want to go completely into it right now, because it'd be way too much to type. So my mom has always taken opiates to get high whenever she can. She's been doing it long before I was born. She thinks that just because she has a bad knee, that it's okay to get really high on stuff. And I know I'm a bit hypocritical, because I do drugs too. But when I do drugs I don't yell at people because I have opi-rage. And I don't fall down, beg for attention and do everything in my power to go back to the hospital for more. My mom acts like a caring person, but really she is one of the most selfish people I have ever met. She thinks that it's everyone else's job to take care of her, and no matter what love her. She gets a upset from something and then her leg hurts her horribly and we have to drop everything and go to the hospital so they can give her medicine. She uses her father and steals from him. When I was younger if she didn't get her way with my stepfather (ex he wouldn't take her to the hospital or he told her to grow up) she'd take the anger on me. It's ridiculous, she's 45 and she acts like a spoiled 8 year old girl. I've been dealing with this my entire life. If I don't pity her and swell her ego, then I'm in trouble. So you know after a while it gets old. It pisses me off. She just takes advantage of everyone, and if I tell her to stop taking pills then I need to grow up and respect her and learn compassion. I have horrible communication skills, it happens. If all you see is people yelling and screaming, you start to think that's the way things should be. It's what I saw my entire life, no one sat down and talked, they just screamed and fought. So when my mom starts doing this stuff, my first reaction is to be really pissed off. So I suppress it and try to talk. If I try to talk to my mom she tells me she isn't high (even if it's extremely obvious) and that I need to grow up and learn compassion in other people because she...(at this point she starts to tell me all of her problems and how they are so important and how I need to give her sympathy) If I try and talk to my grandfather he either ignores me, or tells me she is sick, or tells me that I may be right but there isn't a point of worrying about it. So I at this point I've tried to reason, be mature and talk about my problems, you know like they tell me too. And when they don't listen to me, then I get fucking pissed off. And once I'm mad, it's not my moms fault for taking pills and using everyone. It's my fault because I get angry and my anger disturbs their quiet life. They don't want to deal with the problems, they want to ignore them and go on with life. Which I don't think is fair, because I've watched my mom take advantage of my ex stepfather, her father and me my entire life. She shouldn't be able to do it, but her dad just lets her. And so me pointing out the problem and me showing anger means they have to deal with it, so they get pissed off and suddenly I'm in trouble. It's okay that my mom is making my grandfather take her to the hospital, sit there for 2-4 hours and then pay her bill(all so she can get a buzz), but it's not okay that I want her to stop. I mean I care, and that's it. That's my problem, I care. I care about my mom still oddly, and I want her to get better. I care about my grandfather, I don't think it's fair that he has to take care of my mom and I hate to watch her steal from him. It pisses me off, because I care. And I realized something, if my mom really cared about me or him, she'd stop. So a couple of days ago she got started again. Limping around when she is around me or my grandfather(when she can walk fine. like no shit I've seen her walk fine, then get into my grandfathers eyesight and start limping) and doing other little things like that for pity. And if she isn't immediately given it, she gets really mad. Like later that night I was going to go downstairs, and she was laying at the bottom of the stairs (I thought I had heard a loud noises 15 minutes or so before, but I wasn't sure.). And I freaked out, I thought she fell and really hurt herself. So I rush down there and she's like "I can't move it hurts so bad I fell down the stairs". So I try to help her up, but she won't let me. Then she sits up, and uses her arms to climb onto the stairs and sit, even though she can't move. Then she's like "Look at it, it hurts so bad", I was like "Oh shit, lets call my grandpa" then she gets all "No I don't wanna bother him call 911" so I call 911 and go upstairs. About three minutes later I hear her get up, walk to the door, unlock it, and then go sit back down. But a minute ago she couldn't even move. At this point I realize she was going to lay at the bottom of the stairs until my grandfather came home. Why? Attention. So the paramedics came by, and she was like "It hurtsss so bad, but I'm not going to the hospital(they wanted to take her to the one she's been going to recently, and that's a no no cause they won't give her any more drugs)" So my grandfather comes home and she WALKS downstairs, and tells him she needs to go to the hospital. It's 9 at night. He says okay and she's like "I don't want to make you take me to Atlanta(45 minutes away)" But then precedes to convince him to take her to the hospital in Atlanta. And she pulls that shit all the time, that was two days ago. We got into a fight the next day after I tried to tell my grandfather about it, and how she takes advantage of him. He didn't listen. I went to my mom, begged her to stop. She just got mad. So I get mad and start yelling at her and crying about how unfair it is. Once I get emotional everyone is pissed off at me because I'm bothering them. So I say fuck it and give up and go upstairs. Yesterday me and my girlfriend came back from shopping, we are standing in the kitchen when my mom and grandpa come in. Because I got mad at my mom for pulling this shit, that means I'm getting kicked out. Yup, they tried to kick me out because I care about them. And the only reason they had was that I get angry. I only get angry when I try to talk to them and they don't listen or tell me I can talk, then when I start telling them my side interrupt me and tell me how wrong I am without even listening to what I have to say. So even though my mom is doing all of this, it's my fault for making them deal with it. My grandfather wants to live in ignorance, and my mom just wants her way. And I'm the bad one for bringing it up. Anyway sorry about that, I just wanted to get that off my chest. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] What'd I do?[/QUOTE] Got around to reading that, and wow, what the fuck. I really hope I don't turn out like that just so I can get my opiate fix.
[QUOTE=Biotic;34767067]Jesus christ I need some Oxycodone or something similar, I'd kill for a pill. [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] this is fucking driving me crazy i'd do anything for some more [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] fucking piece of shit doctor wont give me another script until march [editline]19th February 2012[/editline] gonna find where he lives and fucking force him to write me a script fuck him[/QUOTE] Think you might want to start quitting.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;34778132]Think you might want to start quitting.[/QUOTE] IMO he should have quit about two weeks ago if I'm remembering right.
I've been trying, it's just too hard, if you've ever been addicted to opiates you'd know what I mean.
[QUOTE=Werem00se;34777208]So even if it just says "Aspirin" in it, it has codeine?[/QUOTE] yes the active ingredient in aspirin is aspirin :v: witch is really codeine and some other things that can cause stomach bleeding
[QUOTE=Biotic;34778220]I've been trying, it's just too hard, if you've ever been addicted to opiates you'd know what I mean.[/QUOTE] Well having bouts of anger over your doctor doing his job isn't right. Just trying to give you some encouragement.
I hate anxiety, more than anything else. Id take a lifetime of depression over an anxiety filled one. Fuck, i hope its just the cold weather its the depressing shit that has happened in years passed that makes me feel negativity toward it. Hopefully when spring comes around i will feel better.
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