Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[B]Keep your chin up, things will get better.[/B] Feel free to share anything that's causing you distress, most people in this thread are in the same(or similar) boat that you are. Just be aware that Facepunch is no substitute for a Psychiatrist, but talking things out with other people can be cathartic and helpful. Some resources: [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder"] Wikipedia Page on Anxiety Disorders[/URL] [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorder"]Wikipedia Page on Mood Disorders[/URL] [URL="http://www.succeedsocially.com/"]A 100% free detailed guide on how to improve social skills, from a former shy, awkward guy[/URL] [URL="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm"]Suicide Help: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings[/URL] (I know some people here hate reddit, but these subreddits are wonderful) [URL="www.reddit.com/r/depression"]r/Depression[/URL] [URL="www.reddit.com/r/anxiety"]r/Anxiety[/URL] [URL="www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch"]r/SuicideWatch[/URL] [URL="http://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/"]r/BipolarReddit[/URL] If anyone has any suggestions to add the OP pm me. [img]http://i.imgur.com/xa1Zm3b.jpg[/img]

wasn't there a web page designed specifically for people who are "shy" or have social anxiety issues that helps give exercises and tips on how to socialize and make friends? that was a good resource that i've lost if anyone has it. btw my own problems seem to be going away somewhat. walking 3 miles a day with my dog is incredibly therapeutic. so is losing a ton of weight. also fish oil for breakfast and dinner but idk how much that is really helping me when compared to the other major factors. serious guys, if you are depressed like i am, try and force yourself to walk a few miles. exercise does wonders for the soul and it will increase your confidence as your waistline shrinks! [editline]1st March 2013[/editline] try and do it with a friend or pet as well. having someone else who is depending on you to exercise with them helps motivate you to do it and it's great bonding time.

I'm going to vent a little bit. I'm lying, I'm going to vent until I don't want to type anymore. I could write this for myself, but I want somebody to see it, somewhere. Hi, I'm Teal Moose. I'm 17 years old. Sorry, I know this isn't an AA meeting. I've been diagnosed as having Bi-polar type I with rapid cycling mood swings, generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. I also fall somewhere on the autism spectrum. Coping with my unique personality and cognition has been a lifelong struggle. I have been through addiction multiple times, I have battled suicidal urges, I have nearly died. Tonight I returned to prescription stimulants. The idea was to write my big big big fuckin' paper for AP English. Didn't happen like that. All the upheaval in my life that I've lately turned a blind eye to returned tonight. It hit hard. I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time. I looked at a picture of myself from September of the prior year. I look so very different. My face looks harder, my body looks harder, my eyes look so much more hard and unyielding, without the joyous anxiety and wonder at life they used to have. I'm having a major mental breakdown right now. I've remained relatively calm and lucid thus far. It hurts. It does hurt so much. But I am learning. Tonight I've been granted the clarity and faculty of memory to take a ride through an introspective storm. All my life, even in my most very wild and primal moments, I have remained too closed in upon myself. My head has been broken upon tonight, as a Shaman may say. I see all the wonder and joy of a world, that while being wise and keen, I have barely yet experienced. What do I want to do? I want to sing and dance and write and pick up my guitar and make new friends. Right now. I went back and looked at my ex's facebook. God she's still as beautiful as I remember. She has these crazy dirty blonde curly locks of hair that I loved. Her eyes, I wish you could see them. Still so slender and graceful, still with so much warmth and naïve shine. The day I met her so long ago I was drawn helplessly to her. I see such a big, beautiful and stupid heart in her. A hopeful child of this earth still. Never mind that noise, it hurts too much. I look back over nearly 18 long years. Now I see, now I experience retroactively a tiny, condensed lifetime of immense pain, grief and constant upheaval. The walk has been hard. It's been brutal. It's been cold. I'm grateful for all of it. Not one moment of aching, dull despair or searing anguish would I trade for anymore joy. No, joy I have also known. It's been a beautiful ride. It's been a long, strange trip. There have been women, there have been drugs, there have been fights. More than once I've come so near to death that still yet, in my mind, I can look out to the horizon, down the precipice and to the abyss, the void of which we all come from and return to. Tonight I see that these things are not my flesh and blood, they do not constitute me. I can forgive myself finally, maybe. I can be young and born again, I can be soft and open to all that lies ahead. It's been amazing. No, it is amazing. Nothing short of spectacular; spectacular itself would be a tragic and gross understatement. Spectacular might imply that all the majesty of life could be captured for even a moment in a mere spectacle. Now I'm rambling and running away with silly fucking prose. That means I'm done. I'm grateful for this little bit of space on the corner of the Internet to let this archive stand. More so, I am grateful to any of you that suffer with me to read it. God bless.

Eating lemons mixed with chili peppers will force you to run outside for 100 kilometers! Try it! Will solve your sadness in a instant

[QUOTE=Teal Moose;39757420] Hi, I'm Teal Moose. ~~ God bless.[/QUOTE] Your post gave me many smiles, Teal! May you remember these powerful feelings forever more. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrTkvCiINn0[/media] There's still hope for all the rest of you gentlemen who don't yet realize your strength.

[QUOTE=ghosevil;39758323]Your post gave me many smiles, Teal! May you remember these powerful feelings forever more. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrTkvCiINn0[/media] There's still hope for all the rest of you gentlemen who don't yet realize your strength.[/QUOTE] Oh man, I just have to say that I love the blues. It's been my favorite genre of music for years, the blues defined most of my teenage years. Playing the blues helped me cope with a lot of stress. I played mean, fast licks and chord progressions and I dabbled in the slow, melodic roots blues and delta blues too. It's the only style of music I committed myself to. I used to be able to improvise a mean solo. I can still pluck a mean turnaround in E, if I do say so myself. I hope that my own personal experience will help somebody that comes across it. I've been posting little bits of my story on FP for a few years now. It feels good to have it on here and I've made many friends sharing these experiences. This year has been a hard journey. I've discovered many of my passions and found a great source of personal power and confidence. One thing that really has helped me is exercise. I used to be a cardio junkie. I didn't feel right if I didn't do 4 miles at least a few times a week. I got into amateur MMA for a while and took up weightlifting. I've become much stronger mentally and physically for it. I can deadlift 300 pounds and squat 240! It feels really good, I recommend it to everyone.

[QUOTE=Teal Moose;39758441]Oh man, I just have to say that I love the blues. It's been my favorite genre of music for years, the blues defined most of my teenage years. Playing the blues helped me cope with a lot of stress. I played mean, fast licks and chord progressions and I dabbled in the slow, melodic roots blues and delta blues too. It's the only style of music I committed myself to. I used to be able to improvise a mean solo. I can still pluck a mean turnaround in E, if I do say so myself. I hope that my own personal experience will help somebody that comes across it. I've been posting little bits of my story on FP for a few years now. It feels good to have it on here and I've made many friends sharing these experiences. This year has been a hard journey. I've discovered many of my passions and found a great source of personal power and confidence. One thing that really has helped me is exercise. I used to be a cardio junkie. I didn't feel right if I didn't do 4 miles at least a few times a week. I got into amateur MMA for a while and took up weightlifting. I've become much stronger mentally and physically for it. I can deadlift 300 pounds and squat 240! It feels really good, I recommend it to everyone.[/QUOTE] Kid do you even lift? I used to go gym but then I got an unpaid job and get home at 6, cook then eat till 7 then go to bed.

-snip whoops-

Serious question time, which will be a little odd since I'm never the type to act serious on Facepunch nor post in these forums. I'm going to call it depressed for now, because I fit the descriptions of someone who was clinically depressed seven out of eleven. As in, I matched pretty much everything except being suicidal and a few other minor points. My mood doesn't swing as much as it just gets turned off. Some days I feel empty or lifeless. Other days, I'm.. down, but happy? Is that a thing? Like, a cold, bleak, but very mild happiness. Anyways, I don't lash out at people nor cry. I'm generally not that kind of person. However, I'm noticing that certain things that use to barely affect me are making me either very angry or very 'empty' for lack of a better phrase. If you have to point at life problems, I'm about to turn 21 and haven't exactly done much of anything with my life. I'd go into those more if really needed. I tried bringing it up with my parents, it went very sour. My father reacted as if I as making shit up, and my mother became very aggressive - stating that I'm being too soft and that I have nothing to be upset about. It was confused aggression. Once I explained myself a little more, my father just left the room and my mother broke down. They, my mother at least, seemed very supportive when I explained what I needed and wanted to do with my life (drop the classes that I had currently, as they weren't going towards a degree I wanted; they were taking almost 37 hours weekly); and use the time to find a job and to figure out what to do with my life. In return, they took the gun I owned for fear of suicide. No biggie, I understand that fear. However, two weeks later, they seem back to normal. Almost ignorant of it ever happening. I didn't want help or medication at first. Both things scared me, sounded like defeat, and were expensive. I said no to both, at first. Now, I'm not sure. I can't seem to improve my mood. I eat far better now, exercise regularly, and struggle to get up on a schedule. It helped me, a bit, but the effect seems to be wearing off. I'm not sure if it's me personally, or if it's just prospects of job/career/life weighing be down. What can I do? I could take this time more seriously, work harder, and try to get a good bearing on what I need to be doing. I'm surrounded by distractions, but I can easily fight through them if needed. I don't have a lot of personal money, but I can still get loans if college is where I should head. Job hunting has been abysmal and I've put out about 300 applications for a whopping zero returns these two weeks. I could seek therapy, but I'm not sure where to turn, how my mother and family would react. How the person would react. I guess, in essence, I do lead a double-edged life, but I've been doing that since I was 15 and it's never bothered me. I'm also terrified that if I tell the therapist something my parents don't know, that it may leak out or become problematic. Or that the therapist will react negatively/aggressively to things I may say. Then there's medication, but usually you need therapy or a doctor's visit in the first place. The last time I told a doctor (not therapist) about stress; he ran me down a few lists and then just told me I had nothing to be stressed about. Even though that stress was affecting a skin condition I had and making it worse. I'm also absolutely terrified of not being myself. Even when I'm moderately drunk, I'm stupid, but I can tell how I'm acting. The thought that medication may affect how I act around family and friends in a side-stepping or negative (not positive) way scares me. Especially with my relationship, which has been stable for three years; but I may have turned to self-harm or far more stupid reactions without. Basically, her (and the lighter thought of family) is what keeps me from doing anything too insane or self-displacing; since I care for them both. What can I do? And where should I turn if I'm curious to find out what my problem is? I have no problems fighting it, but I don't want this six-week or so experiment of fighting it to end up with me being in the same exact place as when I left, even if healthier and in a better shape. It takes a load off when I write all these things out, but I know it will all come back in a few days.

OP reminded me how goddamn relaxing bob ross' shows are I'll be right back, I'm sinking in to my chair with a dr pepper and an episode.

[QUOTE=Doom14;39764132]Too long to Quote[/QUOTE] It seems like you need something to care for. Do you have any hobbies or friends/love/family that you would spend more time with? Going the regular "gotta do stuff" doesn't essentially make you happy. I am a 260 pound overweight teenager with poor sleeping and food habits. But psychically I'm happy with myself. I get to be a musician and work with music everyday now. That's what makes me happy. If playing videogames/hanging out with friends/exercising or anything in particular it keeps your head over water, do that and you get more energy to shit you don't like. Hope you'll feel better. Medication would probably not help, since it would only "drug you down". Hope this post is worth reading for you. Love from me.

Does anyone else have problems looking at old photos of themselves? I'm fine with current ones/looking in the mirror/etc but when I look at pictures of myself as a kid I absolutely resent the person I see in them

Naw, I see ignorance and bliss in my old photos. I was always happy looking in them. :v:

i hate looking at pictures of myself past or present. i pretty much hate who i am,

[QUOTE=Doom14;39766249]Naw, I see ignorance and bliss in my old photos. I was always happy looking in them. :v:[/QUOTE] I think "Man I sure wish I was still as ignorant and care free as I was as a child." [editline]1st March 2013[/editline] I've been having trouble concentrating on important things, feeling worthless and self loathing, feeling stressed and uncertain about the future. I've been incredibly pessimistic as of late. There are important things I should be doing right now but I have zero interest in doing them. I practically have to force myself to get homework done. I feel like my life is going nowhere. Sometimes there's anger or general aggression. These feelings seem to persist for a few days, maybe a week. Then it'll "go away" for awhile and I can be productive again. Then something/someone/me reminds myself of the aforementioned issues and it comes back. Any ideas what could be the reason? I wouldn't say it's anything new, I've had similar feelings on and off for the past... oh 5-7 years or so, especially during high school. Though it went away temporarily at the start of college but it's been slowly climbing back up to now.

[QUOTE=Doom14;39764132]I could seek therapy, but I'm not sure where to turn, how my mother and family would react. How the person would react. I guess, in essence, I do lead a double-edged life, but I've been doing that since I was 15 and it's never bothered me. I'm also terrified that if I tell the therapist something my parents don't know, that it may leak out or become problematic. [B]Or that the therapist will react negatively/aggressively to things I may say.[/B][/QUOTE] If you feel that you need to see a therapist then this is the least of your worries. They are there to help you and they're bound by law to keep any information you reveal confidential, with few exceptions such as if you intend to harm yourself/someone else. [QUOTE=Doom14;39764132]Then there's medication...[/QUOTE] Antidepressants will get you nowhere on its own and only postpone your problems. [QUOTE=Doom14;39764132]What can I do? And where should I turn if I'm curious to find out what my problem is?[/QUOTE] See a therapist and surround yourself with people you feel are supportive for your mental well-being (such as your partner). [editline]2nd March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=yawmwen;39757374]wasn't there a web page designed specifically for people who are "shy" or have social anxiety issues that helps give exercises and tips on how to socialize and make friends? that was a good resource that i've lost if anyone has it. btw my own problems seem to be going away somewhat. walking 3 miles a day with my dog is incredibly therapeutic. so is losing a ton of weight. also fish oil for breakfast and dinner but idk how much that is really helping me when compared to the other major factors. serious guys, if you are depressed like i am, try and force yourself to walk a few miles. exercise does wonders for the soul and it will increase your confidence as your waistline shrinks! [editline]1st March 2013[/editline] try and do it with a friend or pet as well. having someone else who is depending on you to exercise with them helps motivate you to do it and it's great bonding time.[/QUOTE] This is great advice due to the link between mental and physical health. For you people suffering from depression, exercise is very important. I am not talking about hitting the gym (although nothing wrong with that), just a medium-long walk will do fine. Obviously it doesn't cure you from depression but it's one of the many lifestyle changes therapists will recommend you to do.

I don't know if this is related, I seem to have an irregular serotonin balance (my self diagnosis). I seem to be too excited at night after a long day's depression. This completely fucks up my sleep. I have been up for 36h now. I was about to sleep an hour ago, but my house has too many guests. After a hypnic jerk from loud guitar noises, I experienced the most pissed attitude, but it seems to get better now that I'm having a beer. I guess it's only a matter of time before the 48 hour mark... What can I do? It is again night time, and I am too excited too sleep despite my current sleep deprivation...

[QUOTE=yawmwen;39757374] exercise does wonders for the soul [/QUOTE] This is extremely true. My girlfriend and I both have had serious depression issues, I started exercising frequently when I was about sixteen / seventeen years old, home wasn't a place I was comfortable, so I decided to start taking walks. I never intended to exercise for the sake of it making me happier, but it just did it on it's own, and I didn't even notice it was doing that at first, it was amazing. I now exercise regularly, this spring I am planning on going for runs every morning or so with my girlfriend, we have a lovely river in Saskatoon that we plan on running around regularly. I also walk frequently, to downtown in order to catch the bus, instead of catching the bus near my apartment. I go out of my way to walk, just for the sake for exercise mostly. It is also very relaxing, etc. I too suggest that everybody exercises, whether it be walking, treadmill, jogging, lifting weights, etc... It is really surprising how much exercise improves your mood.

[QUOTE=DeEz;39767579] This is great advice due to the link between mental and physical health. For you people suffering from depression, exercise is very important. I am not talking about hitting the gym (although nothing wrong with that), just a medium-long walk will do fine. Obviously it doesn't cure you from depression but it's one of the many lifestyle changes therapists will recommend you to do.[/QUOTE] the thing i noticed most about exercising is that even though i feel like my life is shit, i don't feel quite as "down" as before. i feel more energy and contentment even though i still know i am in a bad position and have a ton of problems. i guess i could liken it to taking a pain reliever. it doesn't actually get rid of the problem, but it numbs you enough that the pain doesn't have to consume you and you can start to maybe move forward somewhat.

[QUOTE=Doom14;39764132]text[/QUOTE] Considering you are twenty-one, I believe that anything you tell a therapist or doctor must be kept confidential without your express release. I personally have suffered depression and taken medication for it, and I shared your fears, and I'm afraid to say that my fears were well-founded. I took lexipro, and reacted quite negatively towards it. From my experience, talking to a therapist can help greatly, and the greatest hurdle in regard to that I think is convincing your folks who wrongly think it's crazy or subnormal that it's very reasonable and cautionary. Also, in terms of your job applications, I find that you really have to annoy the managers of the place you want to be hired at with frequent calls to show your "initiative".

Is it strange that I'm suicidal and I can't quite pin down WHY I'm suicidal?

[QUOTE=yawmwen;39766269]i hate looking at pictures of myself past or present. i pretty much hate who i am,[/QUOTE] The future you now wants to kick you for hating yourself,do something about it [editline]2nd March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Solomon;39769761]Is it strange that I'm suicidal and I can't quite pin down WHY I'm suicidal?[/QUOTE] You are bored,eat a lemon,go outside and run

Been in therapy for a month or two, I'll be having a consultation with a psychiatrist soon.

I fucked up. I told someone how I felt about them yesterday and got rejected... but this isn't the bad part. The bad part is that I only did so because she was about to go to dinner with my friend, who I had introduced her to, tonight. I thought maybe if I said something I could be with her and be happy. She said no, but I'm not angry about that. I'm angry because she is now having second thoughts about going out with my friend, and I never wanted that to happen. I've basically lost two friends today, it hurts so much more than I could have imagined. I never tell anyone my feelings, but today I just have to. I will not hurt myself, I have too much to loose. But I feel so incredibly miserable and lonely. And I don't want to be alone, I just want to talk to my friends... but they don't want to talk to me. I feel empty inside... I hate this. I hate myself for starting this. I don't know what to do. Just needed to write down my thoughts, and I figure this would be an ok place to do it.

[QUOTE=Skullivan21;39771733]I fucked up. I told someone how I felt about them yesterday and got rejected... but this isn't the bad part. The bad part is that I only did so because she was about to go to dinner with my friend, who I had introduced her to, tonight. I thought maybe if I said something I could be with her and be happy. She said no, but I'm not angry about that. I'm angry because she is now having second thoughts about going out with my friend, and I never wanted that to happen. I've basically lost two friends today, it hurts so much more than I could have imagined. I never tell anyone my feelings, but today I just have to. I will not hurt myself, I have too much to loose. But I feel so incredibly miserable and lonely. And I don't want to be alone, I just want to talk to my friends... but they don't want to talk to me. I feel empty inside... I hate this. I hate myself for starting this. I don't know what to do. Just needed to write down my thoughts, and I figure this would be an ok place to do it.[/QUOTE] If they de-friended you,that means that they are not worthy of you. Don't friend people like that unless you want to make them your slaves or something.

[QUOTE=Abrown516;39771640]Been in therapy for a month or two, I'll be having a consultation with a psychiatrist soon.[/QUOTE] Would you be willing to share your experience without revealing personal details, if at all possible?

[QUOTE=IPK;39772218]If they de-friended you,that means that they are not worthy of you. Don't friend people like that unless you want to make them your slaves or something.[/QUOTE] Everyone will leave you after a while. Walk this lonely road by your own.

[QUOTE=Skullivan21;39771733]I fucked up. I told someone how I felt about them yesterday and got rejected... but this isn't the bad part. The bad part is that I only did so because she was about to go to dinner with my friend, who I had introduced her to, tonight. I thought maybe if I said something I could be with her and be happy. She said no, but I'm not angry about that. I'm angry because she is now having second thoughts about going out with my friend, and I never wanted that to happen. I've basically lost two friends today, it hurts so much more than I could have imagined. I never tell anyone my feelings, but today I just have to. I will not hurt myself, I have too much to loose. But I feel so incredibly miserable and lonely. And I don't want to be alone, I just want to talk to my friends... but they don't want to talk to me. I feel empty inside... I hate this. I hate myself for starting this. I don't know what to do. Just needed to write down my thoughts, and I figure this would be an ok place to do it.[/QUOTE] See this is where dogs come in, every man needs a dog bro. They have all of the good human traits and none of the bad ones

And again, I am sitting in my room alone late at night, doing nothing but wondering about sense of everything. Wondering why I can't change myself, and every try to do anything results in nothing but failures. Maybe it's like this because I have no motivation to do anything, to carry on with my life, that roots from lack of perspectives on how will i live, function in society and this world, that again roots from lack of motivation to do anything. Am I just too weak to do it? Am i just pityful man who is sentenced to fail and die mentally until he is freed, or rather destroyed by death? But there is no such thing like destiny, so it can't be it, I am just weak and stupid. I am trapped in my own mind and body, enslaved by me lack of motivation. I know this is nonsense, what I typed. I just needed to vent.

[QUOTE=DeEz;39772474]Would you be willing to share your experience without revealing personal details, if at all possible?[/QUOTE] Experience in therapy or with medication?