Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

kinda fallen into a ditch. I feel less optimistic about my new job where I'll begin working in 2 days, I don't feel like I have any goal or anything to work towards. I don't know what I want to do with myself. I don't know what to vent about even. everything feels so empty and meaningless. I feel like shit. I'm less up going when it comes to social encounters, I'm more anxious about them. I'm not making any plans since it's so exhausting. where did my energy to meet people go? why am I suddenly so anxious about it after pulling it off successfully so many times? why am I so depressed now? what happened to my optimism about working and making new friends? [editline]4th January 2015[/editline] what's the point [editline]4th January 2015[/editline] I don't understand how I'm supposed to be capable of living for so long. I'm already fed up with life and wouldn't mind dying the next week or month. by suicide, probably not. I don't see the point of being alive. it's just so depressing to think that I'll most likely live for another 60 years before dying of old age. if only 19 years is enough to make me fed up, I can't even imagine what another 19 is going to be like, let alone 60 years. [editline]4th January 2015[/editline] maybe I should pick up extreme sports or unhealthy habits

Just got caught sneaking my girlfriend into the house when I was supposed to go with my family to a family Christmas party (it's late, I know). My parents were extremely mad and I feel very guilty now. I have suicidal thoughts just because I can't stand to seem them so disappointed. I feel like a fuck up.

So i am having an issue with my job. It's not that i hate it. I'm in a very good job atm. Although i am an apprentice but i just feel like i'm really useless in it. I do nothing in it for a good 90% of the day. Just come on this forum and do fuck all. Occasionally pick up a phone and help someone having Wi-Fi problems. I thought that this would be something i might enjoy but its turning out to be.... different. And unfortunately it can only get worse because as soon as i start getting paid more, they are going to want me to help do support from 9am-10:30pm all week. Even at home and i REALLY am dreading that.

The last few days I have been on kind of a high. Not because I took anything, just the cycle of my disorder. It's been like my head has been buzzing and whatever I'm doing is like go go go and my body feels like it's on fire and charged with electricity at the same time and when I talk I don't even think what I'm going to say before the words happen so I say things that shock people I know and me too but I'm just like fuck it I'm gonna roll with it and when I close my eyes I see flashing and pulsing colors (you know like you see when you press on your eyelids?) and I can feel them flowing through my head and sometimes I scream and sometimes I bang my head into something and sometimes I turn my music really really loud so that it can just take over everything and through it all there's this voice (my voice) telling me to slow down and step back and figure out what the fuck is going on but I'm like fuck you we are doing this this is happening here we fucking go but now I'm crashing hard. First day of term and I slept right the fuck through it. oops.

[QUOTE=greeley;46860430]And unfortunately it can only get worse because as soon as i start getting paid more, they are going to want me to help do support from 9am-10:30pm all week. Even at home and i REALLY am dreading that.[/QUOTE] Isn't that like, a 13 hour day? How does that make sense?

Never thought I'd end up posting here but okay. I feel almost worthless, it's been 6 months since I left college and I haven't landed any part time work to help pay the rent or any expense at all for that matter, I use some of my savings when i can to help but soon I won't have shit. My father will often berate me or just plain fuckin use me as his vent box on how I am this worthless shit not even worthy of being his child because i am apparently lazy and don't try. He makes getting a job sound easy and we often come close to punches when i try to present my side which he quickly dismisses as bullshit I sit on my bed and either cry quietly or just sit with the occasional tear as I imagine what it would be like if he was actually more supportive, I am stuck in a loop and feel more disconnected from my friends as I watch their lives continue and I spin my wheels filling job forms and asking around. I have contemplated suicide and think in the long run I won't drag my family down with a child who is incapable. Death wouldn't be my end and I don't fear it in the slightest. Will it get better? Probably when i am turned out to the street or dead because i can't pay my own way. It's hard to express in writing how important it is to have income when rent, food, gas and electricity cost my family dear already and If I were earning how much stress that would lift from them I feel awful even posting this knowing the stigma jobless people get

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;46866092]jobless snip[/QUOTE] I would urge you to not kill yourself. As someone who has been to the point of suicide many times, I've developed a criteria for determining if I'm going to do it. That criteria is this: since death is the end-all-be-all of this lifetime, you should only resort to it if you cannot think of any change in your life that could happen to make you want to live. I'll try to make it more clear. Imagine a change in your life. Would that change make you want to live? If yes, don't kill yourself. Because that change is possible. If it gets to the point where any possible change wouldn't change your mindset, then I wouldn't argue with you. In your case, getting a job, maybe moving out of your parent's place would make you not want to die, correct? Assuming this is right, you shouldn't kill yourself. Because those goals are possible to achieve, however unlikely.

[QUOTE=Solomon;39769761]Is it strange that I'm suicidal and I can't quite pin down WHY I'm suicidal?[/QUOTE] nsh, I dont think anyone knows why they are depressed in the first place. Its just kinda...there

[QUOTE=Potanis;46866063]Isn't that like, a 13 hour day? How does that make sense?[/QUOTE] Well, we work 9am-5:30pm anyway in the office. But i end up taking 90% of the support calls at work. Then when i go home and basically whoever is on support that night, they get to go home and do their stuff but the support calls get diverted to your mobile and you have to help them get connected to the internet. Saturday is going to be the biggest issue since thats 9am - 10:30pm which means i can't do anything that day, i just have to do home shit. I'm praying they get some sort of designated person to do night time support and saturday support.

[QUOTE=greeley;46875232]Well, we work 9am-5:30pm anyway in the office. But i end up taking 90% of the support calls at work. Then when i go home and basically whoever is on support that night, they get to go home and do their stuff but the support calls get diverted to your mobile and you have to help them get connected to the internet. Saturday is going to be the biggest issue since thats 9am - 10:30pm which means i can't do anything that day, i just have to do home shit. I'm praying they get some sort of designated person to do night time support and saturday support.[/QUOTE] You get paid for doing that work at home right?

[QUOTE=ultra_bright;46875285]You get paid for doing that work at home right?[/QUOTE] I'm assuming yes, i highly doubt the higher ups would be doing it for free.

Starting to feel down again. I'll play video games, have my girlfriend over, do stuff with friends, all sorts of fun things, and I'll feel awesome. And then, sometimes, while I'm doing those fun things, the thoughts of "it'd be better if I wasn't wasting their time" come back. "If I wasn't here, I wouldn't make people feel bad" "If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be draining my parents of resources" "If I wasn't here, I'd be happier" I don't know what to do.

Today we're going to a family therapy session which is free for us. I suppose I should be grateful but it just feels uncomfortable as hell thinking about it.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a couple months back, I have been taking my meds but sometime I still get a quick jolt of crippling depression. The sessions only last maybe half hour to an hour and then I feel okay again. It happens several times a day. I am currently on a wait to get my medication changed, but this shit sucks. Does anyone do anything to help through those shitty little times or does everyone else also just kinda take it?

A quick question. I got prescribed 30mg cymbalta(Duloxetine) a day, the other day. First time with any prescribed medication. I got up at ten one morning to take, then quickly slept until 2 in the afternoon. Woke up feeling really sick to my stomach (doctor mentioned this), as the day went on I felt more and more wonky. Couldn't sleep and at 3 am I broke down completely with uncontrollable sobbing, anger and other tendencies. The thing is it was only the first tablet I took. Does anyone have any experience with this? Am I acting a hypochondriac bitch or can something like this happen? It was one of the scariest things of my life. I opted to not take it again today..

[QUOTE=Ironic Man;46879792]A quick question. I got prescribed 30mg cymbalta(Duloxetine) a day, the other day. First time with any prescribed medication. I got up at ten one morning to take, then quickly slept until 2 in the afternoon. Woke up feeling really sick to my stomach (doctor mentioned this), as the day went on I felt more and more wonky. Couldn't sleep and at 3 am I broke down completely with uncontrollable sobbing, anger and other tendencies. The thing is it was only the first tablet I took. Does anyone have any experience with this? Am I acting a hypochondriac bitch or can something like this happen? It was one of the scariest things of my life. I opted to not take it again today..[/QUOTE] You're probably better off talking to your doctor about it. The only think I know about antidepressants is that they take 1-2 weeks to kick in. My medications had some adverse side effects, but not as bad as the side effects you just described.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46879840]You're probably better off talking to your doctor about it. The only think I know about antidepressants is that they take 1-2 weeks to kick in. My medications had some adverse side effects, but not as bad as the side effects you just described.[/QUOTE] Thank you for sharing. I feel like I was misled by him, think I'll try to find another doctor. :/

[QUOTE=Ironic Man;46879792]A quick question. I got prescribed 30mg cymbalta(Duloxetine) a day, the other day. First time with any prescribed medication. I got up at ten one morning to take, then quickly slept until 2 in the afternoon. Woke up feeling really sick to my stomach (doctor mentioned this), as the day went on I felt more and more wonky. Couldn't sleep and at 3 am I broke down completely with uncontrollable sobbing, anger and other tendencies. The thing is it was only the first tablet I took. Does anyone have any experience with this? Am I acting a hypochondriac bitch or can something like this happen? It was one of the scariest things of my life. I opted to not take it again today..[/QUOTE] Side effects can happen more or less immediately (That's what your nausea could be) but the other stuff you are talking about could just be your illness. Depending on what your diagnosis is, things like your mood can swing wildly and unexpectedly and very uncomfortably (believe me.)

-nope-

[QUOTE=Ironic Man;46879960]Thank you for sharing. I feel like I was misled by him, think I'll try to find another doctor. :/[/QUOTE] I don't think it was your doctor's fault. Antidepressants have different side effects for different people, and there's not really a way of knowing. I do hope he told you that.

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On the teetering debate of just wrapping up my laptop for a long time. My laptop can be my escape from my mind but now all its becoming is a machine that feeds it. It either warms my hear or kills my soul. Its like that one depression commercial where the lady had the shadow following her. I need to immerse myself in a new hobby instead of spending my time on this, mistakenly dipping my hole deeper.

So yeah went to family therapy the other night for the first time. I told the therapist everything she needed to know and she took it from there. It was a bit awkward, I think she was pressed for time. There weren't really any introductions and when she called back today and said "it's x from y" I was like "I'm sorry I don't know who this" and she wanted to hang up really bad after she explained everything to me.

I don't have anything to look forward to and it's really depressing me.

I see no future with what I'm doing anymore. I hate who I am. I hate that I constantly have to put on a brave face for others only to let them down when things get rough. I hate that I'm forever stuck being a girl when my head tells me I'm not. I'm a fucking freak and I hate it. All I ever do is make people sad or upset. I'm a waste of space. I wish I was dead.

[QUOTE=Ironic Man;46879792]A quick question. I got prescribed 30mg cymbalta(Duloxetine) a day, the other day. First time with any prescribed medication. I got up at ten one morning to take, then quickly slept until 2 in the afternoon. Woke up feeling really sick to my stomach (doctor mentioned this), as the day went on I felt more and more wonky. Couldn't sleep and at 3 am I broke down completely with uncontrollable sobbing, anger and other tendencies. The thing is it was only the first tablet I took. Does anyone have any experience with this? Am I acting a hypochondriac bitch or can something like this happen? It was one of the scariest things of my life. I opted to not take it again today..[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46879840]You're probably better off talking to your doctor about it. The only think I know about antidepressants is that they take 1-2 weeks to kick in. My medications had some adverse side effects, but not as bad as the side effects you just described.[/QUOTE] Don't take them on an empty stomach or else you'll feel sick (though some you have to take on an empty stomach, check with your doc). They also usually take longer than 1-2 weeks for you to feel the effects, closer to a month or two.

hey facepunch I'm not a happy chap right now. I don't usually get so down but recently I've been feeling like I'm not myself. It all started about a month ago. My brother was visiting from another state, I see him every couple of years and we get a long really well. My friends and I decided since we hadn't gone out drinking with him yet we'd go do that as he only turned 18 the year before. Every time I'd go out I'd try to talk to girls and I'd go through dozens of them a night without results, however on this night I finally managed to have my first kiss. She didn't wanna go home and fuck so she got my number and we went on a date. At this point I didn't have a job so I asked my brother if he could get me in where he works as a receptionist. The boss knew me from when he operated on my toe a few years back and he gave me the job without an interview or even seeing my resume. I went on the date that weekend and I wasn't into her and we haven't talked since, I removed her number from my phone. The weekend after that was my friends Xmas barbecue, not a lot of people showed up, just the usual boys and one other person who was invited. After the bbq we went back to a friends place to have some drinks before we went out on the town. Instead of talking to girls I decided to just hang out with the other girl who came along. After talking for a bit I grabbed her hand and led her away to somewhere more quiet. Not too long after we kissed. We slept together that night but nothing sexual and we haven't really talked since. Then on New Years eve was my first payday, I decided to buy some new clothes since I hadn't done so in a year and I needed some nice clothes for work. I met up at my friends place in the city and we did our usual drink a shit load then hit the town. Talking to girls was as unsuccessful as ever on this night but it didn't bother me I was having fun. When I was getting ready to leave my friend told me to come talk to these 2 girls who were sitting down. I took a seat across from them and we started to do our performance. The girl he was talking to had a boyfriend and I was ready to just call it quits but the other girl kept looking at me so I talked to her. We went for a smoke and I sat down next to her and put my arm around her. She started touching my leg and running her hand through my hair so I pulled her in for a kiss. Later than night I went home with her but I didn't do anything with her, I didn't know what to do she wanted me to try something but I didn't. The morning after we sat on the couch and talked, she was touching me with her feet. I could feel like she still wanted me to try something but I waited too long and she said "you're probably bored, do you want a lift" and I left. I went on a date with her because I did really like her. The date went really well and she gave me a hug and a kiss before leaving. About 20 minutes after the date she sent me a text saying she had a really good time and asked when we could do it again. I organised a date for after work later that week. On Tuesday I got lost trying to get to work and it really stressed me out, like I haven't felt so done in a long time. I ended up being an hour late for work and finishing an hour late at work. I got home at about 10pm and I wanted to call her, but I didn't want to pester her so I decided to play some guitar and go to bed. As soon as I picked up my guitar I got a message from her saying that she's sorry but shes not ready for another relationship as she hasn't gotten over her last one. It crushed me, work the next day was extremely hard and I cried as soon as I got in the car afterwards. My friend came to hang out with me later that day and we drove out into the countryside where his mum lived to jam. I wasn't planning on staying out the whole night as I didn't get any sleep the night before. When I got home I tried to sleep but I couldn't. Next day I was over the girl, I had accepted that its for the best. After work I didn't feel like going home so I went the other way, into the city. I went to the coffee shop where we were going to meet and I had a coffee before going to my friends house. It was about 3:30pm and when I got their I poured myself a rum and coke. We sat outside talking while we waited for others to arrive as we were going to go out for dinner. We had some smokes and some more drinks before we left for dinner. The dinner was terrible and my appetite recently has been non existent. I ate a fork of my spaghetti and was done. I still didn't want to go home so I convinced my friends that we should go out. I ended up arriving home at about 2 in the morning with work in 4 hours. I wasn't sleeping well and I got to work feeling like shit. I finished work early and again had the same feeling of not wanting to go home. I haven't played a video game in about 3 weeks, I have lost all interest in all of my hobbies, except for playing guitar. I just don't know what I can do right now to make myself feel like my old self. [editline]10th January 2015[/editline] well this ended up being longer than I thought it would. TL;DR: I'm 21, I had my first kiss last month, I got my first job last month. A girl I was dating called it off and it wrecked me. I'm over the girl but it's still affected me, I'm not sleeping or eating and I don't like being at home.

The other day I was talking to a friend, and he asked me why I was low. I replied "I have depression." To my absolute fucking surprise he said "...You have depression? How would such a BEAUTIFUL GIRL such as yourself have depression?" Seriously... It's the year 2015 and there are still people who judge the fuck out of others due to their looks :v:

first week of work is complete! even if it was only Tuesday and Friday where I went to work, it was still very exhausting. Tuesday was spent mostly sleeping, and yesterday on Friday I literally slept for 19 hours (with a healthy sleeping schedule too!). Tuesday was incredibly harsh, but Friday was a lot better in comparison. I'm sure it'll only get better once I get to know the guys I work with and get more used to it. today has been a little upsetting though. when I woke up around 3PM, I wrote an SMS to the friend at the clinic asking if she wanted to hook up, but she never replied to it. it's odd, she keeps showing different signals to me. at the clinic, it isn't unusual for her to come to my room just to say hi, or stop in the halls when she sees to me to chat. yet the second I ask if she wants to do something other than casually talking at the clinic, she seems very uninterested and rejects me. I've said it before, very unhealthy relation that I don't think will get better. "luckily" she's moving out in the end of January so I won't have to see her and finally break contact. it's a shame though, really wish we could keep it up but it feels terrible with all of these mixed signals. I think I might give it a few more shots, but I don't think it's going to get anywhere. sort of self explanatory when I already know before I've asked that she's gonna say no or don't reply at all and that I get it right every time. chatted some with another friend of mine today though which I hadn't done in a while! she wrote on facebook that she got a new phone and needed numbers, so tossed her a message which evolved to a nice conversation. shame that she struggles so much with her anxiety else I'd love to actually meet her, but even then, she's soon having a baby so I doubt she's gonna have a lot of spare time even when not thinking of the anxiety. I really wish I had a girl by my side, but I know I'm far from ready and shouldn't actively look for one. it'll just be disappointing as it's one of those things you rarely have control over. just happens so to say. [editline]11th January 2015[/editline] I think the biggest issue I currently have is that I have nothing to do. I'm constantly told that I just need to tackle boredom better than I currently do, but is that really the solution? am I supposed to sit here, bored out of my mind? doesn't sound like a solution to me so would rather fill it with something. what do you guys do? I usually play the guitar or play games, but those are rather temporary. can't be bothered to play the guitar for too long most of the time, and playing games is rather rare as I don't enjoy them as much as I used to. working is actually pretty efficient, too bad it's really exhausting as well and I'm not able to work during the weekends.

[QUOTE=PredGD;46901428] Snip[/QUOTE] You could binge-watch some tv shows. I at-least like doing it, keeps you from thinking way too much on random stuff. I recommend The Sopranos, it's a great show and it takes a great amount of time to get through all the seasons. Going for walks or working out works out great too, eats up some of your free time and helps with anxiety, at-least for me.