Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

rip 2 years of painful progress just went down the drain [editline]49[/editline] like I don't know why I'm having major anxiety or anything, usually at this point I think of suicide but I don't know why I'm not reacting the way I used to like sure I'm having a little bit of anxiety combined with sadness but generally I just feel really blank right now

Every test I take an online test points to me having schizoid personality disorder, [URL="http://i.imgur.com/gMVFTqM.png"]example of one[/URL] I spent an entire month thinking I had it back in August/September but I feel like these thoughts are coming back. I know that tests shouldn't replace professional diagnosis but its too hard to avoid

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46908169]Every test I take an online test points to me having schizoid personality disorder, [URL="http://i.imgur.com/gMVFTqM.png"]example of one[/URL] I spent an entire month thinking I had it back in August/September but I feel like these thoughts are coming back. I know that tests shouldn't replace professional diagnosis but its too hard to avoid[/QUOTE] that test is trash, it said I scored low or moderate on all of them when I should've scored high on some of them and I was medically diagnosed [editline]11th January 2015[/editline] can you link the test I want to see if it's still bullshit

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46908258]that test is trash, it said I scored low or moderate on all of them when I should've scored high on some of them and I was medically diagnosed [editline]11th January 2015[/editline] can you link the test I want to see if it's still bullshit[/QUOTE] Yeah the test is sorta bs, and I did like 4 tests from different sites [URL="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv"]one[/URL] [URL="http://www.psymed.info/default.aspx?m=Test&id=74&l=3"]two[/URL] [URL="http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html"]three[/URL] [URL="http://www.schizoids.info/tests.html"]four[/URL] I should talk to a professional about this instead of doing online tests anyway

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;46908303]Yeah the test is sorta bs, and I did like 4 tests from different sites [URL="http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv"]one[/URL] [URL="http://www.psymed.info/default.aspx?m=Test&id=74&l=3"]two[/URL] [URL="http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html"]three[/URL] [URL="http://www.schizoids.info/tests.html"]four[/URL] I should talk to a professional about this instead of doing online tests anyway[/QUOTE] [t]http://i.imgur.com/l6ZHlk5.png[/t] yeah the first one is the one I did, I probably lied on the first try because now i have way different results I'm definitely not paranoid because I know for a fact that people talk behind my back often (what does that say about me lmao) I'm not borderline, I don't get really angry I just get sad and angry. I am avoidant though. It's a self-diagnoses but I don't think it takes a genius to know that I'm a;ways hard on myself and that made me a better person I am today than I was 2-4 years ago.

Don't trust internet tests for mental illness.

I just want to skip this part of my life until i'm being paid a decent amount, have my own house with my partner and loving life. I want to like my job but i feel like i'm useless in it since i don't know what i'm doing half the time.

3 years on after my depression-like state began, I'm still no closer to getting any kind of counseling, and I don't think my parents realize how crippling it is to me. I got asked what problem I have with going to the gym when I have no medical problem preventing me from going; in the same discussion I shared I'm feeling more fatigued than befoe, and still friendless as I was when I graduated high school in 2012. At least my online college classes start up on the 17th, that'll keep me busy and help occupy the idle time I have.

Almost broke down crying again because of how much I hate working at this place. It took me a year to find a job like this, but hopefully my temp agency can find me something better.

Oh neat this thread wasn't locked. Currently I'm having someone on steam to talk about my issues, I've told him quite a bit about my issues and he's told me quite a bit about issues people have with me. He's also given me a lot of advice but I'm just a bit down because I feel like I'm taking too much of his time up. Like imagine the frequency of how much I post in here, text and all, sent to him.

I finally decided to talk to my doctor last week about my problems. She diagnosed me with anxiety disorder, then I talked to a therapist, who diagnosed me with mild recurrent depression and explosive isolation disorder. Just trying to take things one day at a time. I figured since we're all stuck together in GD again, I may as well post here for once.

Um So this "romance" thing in this game I like actually seems to be making me happy, because I feel like someone cares about me for once. Even though this "me" isn't even remotely me. And the person is fictional. And it's a video game. That's really creepy. Shit. I don't think I can even play the game anymore.

[QUOTE=slayer20;46917627]Almost broke down crying again because of how much I hate working at this place. It took me a year to find a job like this, but hopefully my temp agency can find me something better.[/QUOTE] What job is it?

[QUOTE=a-k-t-w;46929786]What job is it?[/QUOTE] I work in a warehouse dismantling computers and listing their parts on eBay. I sit far off in a corner by myself and have no one to talk to. If I need something, I have to take a long walk to find the person I need or wait for someone to walk by me. It's incredibly lonely and dull.

Does anyone see a therapist? My mom thinks I'm depressed and I should see one. I'm not really sure if I'm depressed but I might be.

Sometimes I get these stupid infatuations where my brain tries to make me believe in something impossible. The emotions can be over powering and try to fill my mind with romanticised nonsense. How do avoid this? Are there pills I can take? Professional help is expensive. I figured it must be something to do with being bored and not realising it.

I don't know how to get enthusiastic towards new things. This lack of motivation is starting to really get in the way of things irl. I've just had zero drive to do any sort of work for months now no matter how hard I try to push myself. Is there any way to make it less of an issue?

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;46932181]I'm not used to working full time because I've never really had a job aside from the summer and I'm 20. I work retail, so I'm really anxious a lot of the time and I just can't shake the uncomfortable feeling like this isn't going to get me anywhere and the overall nervousness.[/QUOTE] Retail sucks when you have anxiety problems, I barely lasted 4 months.

[QUOTE=joshdasmif;46932201]Retail sucks when you have anxiety problems, I barely lasted 4 months.[/QUOTE] Opposite for me, it opened me up and my confidence is sky high. I used to be fairly quiet/shy in my teens and worry what people thought of me, but completely the opposite now. [editline]14th January 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Blooper Reel;46931336]I don't know how to get enthusiastic towards new things. This lack of motivation is starting to really get in the way of things irl. I've just had zero drive to do any sort of work for months now no matter how hard I try to push myself. Is there any way to make it less of an issue?[/QUOTE] Setting up a store in retail helped me find motivation to do stuff because I had to get up at 4am and do a 12-13 hour shift most days until the store would be opened. Honestly, I was close to quitting after the first couple of days but I just persisted. I used to be generally lazy, but getting into a routine really helped. My advice is to push yourself to do stuff you would find a challenge, it can be a nice ego boost but try to keep it going.

For as long as I can remember, I've had the worst communication anxiety. It's hard for me to start a phone call with a stranger, my heart rate goes through the roof just knowing that I have to. I read over my emails about 6 times before sending them. It took about a year or so for me to start posting here on FP. Talking in person is fine, but these sorts of things just get to me. the reason i'm writing this now is because I have a job mainly in communications. I'm working with a documentary film studio, which involves me getting licences for photos or video. I send about 40 emails a day and make at least 10 phone calls now. those combined with college transfer emails are stressing me like you wouldn't believe. Just thought i'd share.

The worst thing that comes with depression for me is the paranoia. Paranoia how everyone is looking at you, paranoia about how people are whispering behind your back, paranoia about how people talk to you. It's horrible.

this week sucks like hell, i started to get anxious after a minor thing that could be simply ignored, but that thing occurred in absurd reasons and i'm taking it serious. And thanks to that, my whole week is basically fucked up and even more stuff started to happen that made me more anxious (essay, deadline for bringing cash for a trip, submitting a entry to a arts contest)

I've been having some great things happen in my life now but my anxiety is getting a fuckton worse I couldn't even apply for job centre jobs without panicing and I had to go in and ask about getting ESA (employment and support allowance - for those with psychical or mental disabilities who are unable to work but still need income) and tbh I feel just weird about having to ask for that

[QUOTE=slayer20;46930269]I work in a warehouse dismantling computers and listing their parts on eBay. I sit far off in a corner by myself and have no one to talk to. If I need something, I have to take a long walk to find the person I need or wait for someone to walk by me. It's incredibly lonely and dull.[/QUOTE] Bring music with you on speakers and dance.. if there is no-one around it will be easy.

spoke with my shrink yesterday, as we always do, and apparently I'm under suspicion of possibly developing psychosis. told me I was in some sort of phase which was the thing that comes before it. it's odd to hear as I'd never have expected that of all things in other more uplifting news, I'm travelling tomorrow! going to visit my father who lives in Trondheim in Norway, gonna be exciting. had a great day of work today, felt that I connected somewhat more with my co workers. might switch job some time soon (months maybe) to work in the police through my step dad, even more exciting. also spoke with a guy who has been a norwegian champion in boxing here in Norway who works at the clinic as a night guard, great guy. definitely my favorite of them. he was wondering if I was interested in picking up boxing with him as he's an instructor with the group he instructs, which I said yes to. gonna go there 3 times next week, yay. even though lots is happening and I feel like I should be happy, I'm kind of mixed. I still feel lonely in all this. pursuing the girl I've talked of a few times here in the past wasn't a very good idea of me which I keep saying and never act on. I still firmly believe there is nothing more than sex and a good friend, but I can't help but feel my feelings disagree with me. tough situation. she's making me unhappy but I don't want to do the logical thing, to cut contact. maybe I should try some more until she stops biting onto my bait. in the end, you're all amazing. I feel like I have some excess love to give out, so please have it. don't think so negative about everything, you have more opportunities than you think. what I say might just seem like something a person who wanted to act nice would say, which I would believe if I were where I used to be, but after going through all this, I know it's true. if you don't want to help yourself by constantly making excuses, no matter what the situation is, you won't get better. the negativity isn't needed, be positive and look forwards. fuck the past, no matter how ugly you are or how you act, there's always someone out there who is going to love you more than you thought was possible [editline]15th January 2015[/editline] do all the positive things your gut tells you to do. even if it's stupid, just do it. live on the edge. I could have seriously injured myself today, but fuck that, it was fun and totally worth it even if I died.

I'm kinda down the drain again. Lots of cool stuff have happened. We finally got the band up and running during Christmas so that is pretty cool. On the other hand though there are my parents, who nag me for getting tired out and not doing good enough at school. There is also this girl that loves to talk to me, but I'm so emotionally drained that I really don't wanna listen to her problems. Also there was supposed to be a party out in a club, but the girl I can't stand was going so I bailed incase she went onto me on how I feel and such. I'm also looking back through memories from 1. Grade, when we were close friends, me she and my old crush. The worst thing is that I'm falling in love with both of them again, even though I never really talk to either of them. One because I actually hate her, and the other don't have time for me. No one really does. No one invited me to the New Year's Eve party they had. I'm a broken mess, and we are supposed to get along on a music group in a school subject (Me and the girl I hate). There are problems there too, and I feel rather pessimistic, even though I want to make it best possible, because I need to get a good grade in the subject. Fuck, I'm lost. I want it to go all back, the way it was. Either if it was when we all were friends, or when I could talk together with my crush. Now I barely talk with any of them, because they forgot about me. I don't really care though, because I feel nothing really anymore. Everything is fun for a while, but is boring in the long so I kinda lost all sight towards my life. Nothing really matters anymore to me, I kinda don't give a crap if I die, or what job I get. It's frightening, but I couldn't really care less. That scares me to be honest. I wish I had someone other to spend my time with. I'm starting to get antisocial tendencies. I don't want that, but I don't have power not to give two shits... [editline]15th January 2015[/editline] Sorry for my grammar, I'm really tired. Good night everyone

I've been uh, feeling a lot better lately about myself. And my life in general really. I've been a bit more talkative and motivated, though not as much as I'd like. About 2/3 weeks ago I ran out of my grapeseed extract, which I use for my migraines and eye pain/inflammation, as well as helping with my depression. Since being on the antifungals for a while now, when I did run out and stop taking it, the pain didn't come back as quickly or as strong as it has before. Except it was apparently also helping my colitis. I was off the grapeseed for a day and a half before my colitis flared like crazy and I started getting bloody stools. My eye started hurting like hell at the same time and I got insanely depressed again. I'm back on it now, but it's insanely frustrating. Knowing I'm stuck taking this shit forever. I still don't 100% know why I have this eye pain and migraines and depression without being on anti-inflammatory's. Doctor's couldn't figure it out and neither can I. I don't even know if it's entirely a candida overgrowth, my auto-immune disorder suddenly affecting my brain or both. I mean, I can control it. I can be happy and live normally and do the things I love, but it's costing me hundreds of dollars a month in supplements and medications. Money I desperately need. I'm not moving forward but I'm not going backwards either. I'm just kinda in limbo. I'm happy that I'm not living in deep depression and anxiety anymore wishing I was dead, but I'm still not where I want to be. I just wish this inflammation would piss off forever. Everything (and I mean everything) went to shit when I was diagnosed with UC. I'm sick of my body attacking itself. [editline]17th January 2015[/editline] I sound like a broken record sometimes, and I'm sorry for that. I am trying to make major changes in my life finally (2014 was supposed to be the year for that until my encephalitis happened) but right now the biggest obstacle isn't my depression or my health, but money. Currently need to save up a little money to buy new shoes to ride my bike with. The plus is since my health isn't as horrible as it used to be my work is finally giving me more hours again, so hopefully money won't be such an issue for now.

I got diagnosed with Aspergers in my final semester of uni back in 2011/early 2012. Graduated with a 2.1 degree in Computing and Digital Media Development. Struggled to find work for about a year after uni applying to pretty much anything then got in on a graduate placement thing at an EU-funded project on minimum wage but full time which ended up just being really poorly managed and terrible. I'd go in and just have nothing to do. Got placed with external start-up company making iOS games with unity for a few months which was pretty cool but ended September 2013. Struggled to get any work until May 2014 when I got a promising 18k position doing iOS dev after showing them some other coding I'd done before but lost it after a week because they assumed a bunch of prior knowledge that I explicitly told them I didn't have and they weren't prepared to train me up. I cried right there in front of them when they told me they were letting me go :( it hit my confidence a lot. I couldn't get anything after that until October when I got an early morning job 6-9am mon-fri cleaning my old university. On sertraline pills for anxiety/depression atm and getting counselling... I gotta admit despite the cleaning job being pretty mundane and at times, pretty disgusting (toilet surprises), having a routine seems to be pretty beneficial and the work does feel meaningful - I'm contributing to the hygiene standards of a higher education institution. No clue what I wanna do in the long run, pretty burnt out and fed up to be honest and happy (well, neutral not exactly happy - idling by) to stick with this for now although need to try get more hours or a second job (which I've been trying to do for a while now)

I want to die

[QUOTE=HWECQI;46951053]I want to die[/QUOTE] No you don't, I have been in suicidal depressions a large portion of my life because of Bipolar Disorder. What you're doing now is reaching out because you feel that you can't handle the situation you're currently in, and that's perfectly normal. Now you have taken the first step to sharing your situation, and an individual who openly shares that they're not okay doesn't really want to die since there would be no purpose in letting people know as it would make them interfere with your wish. Anyway, you are not alone, I'm eager to listen and offer information on what form of treatment and medication there is, depending on the problem. I'm extending my hand as a humble Buddhist, wanting to practice the concept of "the cessation of suffering".