Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;47024430]Is it OK to ask my friends to visit me in the psych ward?[/QUOTE] It depends on how all together you are. My friend became schizophrenic with incredible breakdowns, and she scared the hell out of every single one of her friends. You're not selfish for wanting people to visit you, and you shouldn't be ashamed of dealing with your problems at a psych ward, but you need to evaluate your mental state and whether or not you can handle friends over. [editline]27th January 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Firecat;47023409]These issues effect a lot of things like friendships. I can't remember the last time I've had an actual friend. I usually try and stick to things that I can work around my mood swings and such, like teamspeak servers. I can sort of have friends, and I can be alone when I have my swings, and I don't have to be the one talking all the time. These issues also effect relationships, usually making extremely hard. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough to make them work. Guys can say they understand all they want but I don't feel like it will matter, I'll still ruin it. To top it off, all these issues I get from having my original mood problems come back and cause the problems again, which is just a never ending cycle. [/QUOTE] I have a full connection with this post, because I was terribly messed up like this in the past. I'll tell you what helped me out. 1. You being on the internet for some social interaction isn't so crazy. One of my best friends is someone I've never met but have known since 2007, and he's one of the closest friends I've ever had. I also release a lot of my stress by visiting Facepunch and really enjoy a lot of the people here. The popular idea that your social life [I]shouldn't[/I] include the internet is ridiculous. 2. I take medications that help me with my mood swings and anxiety. Whenever I have anxiety attacks, they are VERY physically painful just as they make it impossible for me to think. Being on my medicine has really helped. 3. Exhaustion with failure is not abnormal, but failure is never permanent. You might blast your chances at being friends with someone or getting with a chick, but there's always more people and the rest of your life to keep experimenting and figure yourself out. 4. Learn to accept your failures. Who really suffers because of your failures? You? Do you have a problem with failing? Do other people? Do they understand and if they don't, do they really matter? "Why", is the magic question that helps you figure out your thought process and allows you to see where you need to make changes. Map out your thoughts. 5. You're not a burden. Go talk to a doctor or a therapist and see what they can do. It's great to have someone to talk to who isn't emotionally connected to you problems, because it increases their chances of being the voice of reason in a time where your brain is clouded. With that said I still feel anxious and I'm still a bit moody, but the thing that really helps is simply being comfortable with yourself and the entire concept of failure. Feel free to add me on Steam if you need someone to talk to.

So uh.. I'm not sure if this is the best place for this. but here goes nothing. I think I finally decided what I want to study, and where I want to go for college. and Im scared shitless. About literally everything, the applying part,the "Can I even afford this" part, the "Can I actually do this?" part, hell I didn't even want to stay here ( I live in the Caribbean) but I have no money to move back to the USA. for more info/any advice please PM me

For all of you suffering from depression, I've been suffering it heavily for over 17 of my 30 years of life, and while I can't promise it will go away (in my case it never has, but it's a highly individual thing) i can promise that you do learn how to cope and manage it.

My depression will never go away and I hate myself

Sleeping less and / or waking up very in morning can make you less depressed - I don't know how it is long term though.

Doubt it I'm still fucking depressed as shit sleeping less and waking up early

just vented about this to someone already but I still feel awful about it a fper came up in a person to person conversation, and I pretty much fell apart there have been multiple instances with this guy that generally made me feel like absolute shit for all the wrong reasons, i can argue that he was one of the contributing factors to why i was such an anti-furry shithead not going into details to what he did but it really fucked me up when i was a suicidal 16 year old hormone crazed dumbfuck, this was incredibly personal .it was just him, no one else. He took it really far.

Anybody know of that site that allows you to anonymously talk to someone and you can either be the listener or the venter? Feel like i need to get some advice with no evidence.

[QUOTE=slayer20;47013560]I had to come home sick because how upset my stomach was.[/QUOTE] Same boat, The Temp agency killed off my assignment. First Fucking Day too. It wasn't even hard work, I was just standing around making boxes for fucking sink parts and I started feeling sick, light headed, and trembling in the legs. It's bug me so much considering the fact that it was my first job.

[QUOTE=greeley;47032454]Anybody know of that site that allows you to anonymously talk to someone and you can either be the listener or the venter? Feel like i need to get some advice with no evidence.[/QUOTE] You could try [url]http://blahtherapy.com/[/url] There was also another one I used to go on, can't remember if it was that one though. Edit: Yeah, it was that one.

I have slowly come to the conclusion I am numerically illiterate among other seemingly basic skills. Since primary education I have struggled with mathematics, I often straight blew any test given to me because my mind didn't absorb any information from lessons at all, division, multiplication or any sort of seemingly basic (and advanced) mathematics was alien to me, shapes above the basic 3 (circle, square, triangle) were difficult too, my schooling was quite poor due to living in a very poor area so I didn't get any extra tuition or help so I didn't improve and often sat there playing on my phone or drawing and I graduated from secondary education (High School) with no grade in maths or sciences. (any grade worth showing that is, unless a G or D is acceptable now?) It haunts me that when shown a simple puzzle or question that I have gimped myself and I can't deal with people knowing that I have to count on my fingers and often I am very slow to solve problems, I could describe it as my mind going blank and feeling a heavy weight inside my head when I look, losing focus and just wanting to avoid even getting into the situation, to the point of leaving whatever I am doing. Quite recently I buckled and couldn't cope, I got extremely frustrated and very angry at my inability which trips me on the train to thinking about how this is affecting me in other ways not just with maths; it could be other things like coding or matching shapes or colours in a line, reading out-loud, mood swings are frequent when I can't do it; At the time I don't notice but I get pretty mean and stroppy and maybe that has changed peoples view of me which I don't want, friends are finite and I do not want to lose anyone, but I can't bear telling them I need help with simple shit. I would've typed more about other things but I don't want to lose the coherency of the post. /Cryrant

I found out that my grandmother has brain cancer. I have no idea what to do with myself right now.

[QUOTE=UnidentifiedFlyingTard;47035540]I found out that my grandmother has brain cancer. I have no idea what to do with myself right now.[/QUOTE] You don't really have to do anything, just be with her - support and shit

it's so infuriating that my will and motivation to do something disappears so quickly. I've worked where I work for a month now, and its gradually gotten worse. begun amazing, but last friday and this friday I decided to skip work. keep in mind I only work twice a week too, tuesday and friday. I just don't feel the responsibility even though I should. I have a hard time seeing the consequences of not doing something until it's too late I've found. since they wouldn't give up at the ward I go to, I just played with and took the train home instead. feels pretty bad to start the weekend with a sour note with the staff at the ward. I suppose it's a mix of lack of motivation and how much I enjoy my job. I don't feel like I'm doing anything useful and I don't feel like I've really connected with my coworkers which makes the days go by slowly and uncomfortably. gotten a fairly bleak outlook on what lies ahead after today. I recognize the feelings and my thoughts from when I went to school and stopped going. I have no idea what causes them, but they're recognizable. only thing I can think of is, as I mentioned up above, is that I don't see the consequences or don't see them as big enough consequences. I don't feel any responsibility even though I have responsibility. I'm scared that this mindset will follow me and make me unable to follow a daily routine. it's too easy to do what I want to do instead of doing what I should be doing. I've been fairly spoiled through out my life. it's not as bad as it used to be, but I have a feeling a lot of these feelings I'm experiencing is a cause of my spoiled past. to put things into perspective, 6-7th grade I was still unable to fill my own plate with dinner, I had to get my mom or whoever I was visiting to fill it for me. if that didn't happen, I'd get very uncomfortable since I was really anxious about it. I read through my medical journal yesterday, every note since 22th of September last year when I was hospitalized. was pretty fun to read through all 145 pages. apparently I was diagnosed with severe depression and agoraphobia, but the diagnosis of agoraphobia seems to have been dismissed after I was put into the ward. yay! my shrink told me I was in some form of "prodromal phase" as well for psychosis, but she told me it seems to be getting better. [editline]30th January 2015[/editline] I was thinking of stabbing myself this morning after I woke up to cause an emergency which would give me an excuse not to make it to work. not kill myself, just wound myself enough to be able to call in sick

I feel like fucking death. I don't know what I'm doing with my damn life.

I started on sertraline 1½ month ago, and I've never felt better. I'm a bit drunk right now, but god damn, I feel fucking great. For the first time in years I understand how other people don't want to kill kill themselves. '

sometimes I miss being stuck in my room, completely isolated from everything. no responsibilities, no expectations and an apathetic mindset. I wouldn't have to expose myself and I wouldn't suffer from all these emotions. it was just a flatline before, but now I'm often at both extremes which feels worse. after today, I've felt like a huge failure. it feels terrible since I recognize the situation. have I been under treatment for several years, with only visible progress the last 6 months, just to relapse? its always been this way. when my ex broke up and when I begun getting over her, the situation I went through today started back then too which marked the beginning of most of my problems that I have today. it happened back in elementary school too, and middle school as well. it happened in high school, and now that I've begun working, it's happening again. everything I thought would help me get a better foothold hasn't worked or I was unable to do it to begin with. it all feels so hopeless.

I've been getting drunk every single day because it makes me happy. I know I'm not an alcoholic and I can stop whenever I want except I don't want to stop. I feel normal when I'm drunk and it's the only thing that makes me happy

why don't I naturally feel a need to fulfill my responsibilities? why don't I get stressed when I'm running low on time? why don't I get stressed when I'm hours late and I'm ruining other peoples day as they spend those hours I should have been gone to nag on me? do my own needs and emotions come first, no matter what? I believe so, how am I supposed to change that? it's been there since I was a kid and it has followed me through out my entire life. I've always prioritized personal needs above education, friends, exercise, etc. I've always just done exactly what I've wanted to and shoved everything that had to be done away. its scripted into my foundation. I don't think life will ever be like I had hoped. not only think, it won't be as I had hoped. I can't live life with this mindset, but I can't get rid of it. I will never be happy this way. when waking up every morning is already a living hell, and every day go by just so another day can go by, what's even the point? am I living for myself, or am I living for someone else? why live a life that was never meant for my kind of style? would it be logical to drop out now than to suffer until I die of old age? it sounds reasonable to drop out of something I don't wish to participate in when I can tell that this isn't for me. there's always the possibility that I can change this mindset into something that will make me accept life for what it is, but it's going to require a lot of work. it would be like to change a large portion of the fundamental programming of Windows, you'd break the entire OS and would most likely have to rewrite a very, very large part, if not start from scratch. I don't think I want to go through all that work, especially when I don't know if I'll appreciate the goal of it. I've been drafting this topic for so long and I think I may have reached the conclusion for it. it felt so oddly right there and then to seriously wound myself, but I know it's wrong. suicide feels so oddly right and correct, but I know it's wrong. I'm concerned about my mom if I were to finally pull through with it, she'd be devestated

[QUOTE=PredGD;47044328]why don't I naturally feel a need to fulfill my responsibilities? why don't I get stressed when I'm running low on time? why don't I get stressed when I'm hours late and I'm ruining other peoples day as they spend those hours I should have been gone to nag on me? do my own needs and emotions come first, no matter what? I believe so, how am I supposed to change that? it's been there since I was a kid and it has followed me through out my entire life. I've always prioritized personal needs above education, friends, exercise, etc. I've always just done exactly what I've wanted to and shoved everything that had to be done away. its scripted into my foundation. I don't think life will ever be like I had hoped. not only think, it won't be as I had hoped. I can't live life with this mindset, but I can't get rid of it. I will never be happy this way. when waking up every morning is already a living hell, and every day go by just so another day can go by, what's even the point? am I living for myself, or am I living for someone else? why live a life that was never meant for my kind of style? would it be logical to drop out now than to suffer until I die of old age? it sounds reasonable to drop out of something I don't wish to participate in when I can tell that this isn't for me. there's always the possibility that I can change this mindset into something that will make me accept life for what it is, but it's going to require a lot of work. it would be like to change a large portion of the fundamental programming of Windows, you'd break the entire OS and would most likely have to rewrite a very, very large part, if not start from scratch. I don't think I want to go through all that work, especially when I don't know if I'll appreciate the goal of it. I've been drafting this topic for so long and I think I may have reached the conclusion for it. it felt so oddly right there and then to seriously wound myself, but I know it's wrong. suicide feels so oddly right and correct, but I know it's wrong. I'm concerned about my mom if I were to finally pull through with it, she'd be devestated[/QUOTE] when I'm drunk I forget about everything in my life and can actually live. I don't think about anything and I feel like I can do anything. I wish I felt this way sober but it's impossible for me. I never want this feeling to go away

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47044305]I've been getting drunk every single day because it makes me happy. I know I'm not an alcoholic and I can stop whenever I want except I don't want to stop. I feel normal when I'm drunk and it's the only thing that makes me happy[/QUOTE] Please ask for help.

Why? I don't need help I feel better this way

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47044383]Why? I don't need help I feel better this way[/QUOTE] Alcohol is helping you feel better, yes. Also, there are consequences that come with consuming a lot of alcohol. The fact that you posted here tells me that you are not happy with how things are. You don't have to be alone and try to fix it by yourself.

My life is fucked and everybody knows it. My family has tried to help me but I just ignore them. they don't know about my drinking though and I would be so pissed if they told me I had a problem with it. They would also fucking hate me if they knew because my mom is an alcoholic but she's getting better now. I would be hated by everyone because I also took to drinking even though I'm not an alcoholic [editline]31st January 2015[/editline] I'm not hurting anybody when I drink

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47044449]My life is fucked and everybody knows it. My family has tried to help me but I just ignore them. they don't know about my drinking though and I would be so pissed if they told me I had a problem with it. They would also fucking hate me if they knew because my mom is an alcoholic but she's getting better now. I would be hated by everyone because I also took to drinking even though I'm not an alcoholic [editline]31st January 2015[/editline] I'm not hurting anybody when I drink[/QUOTE] I can't force you to get help and I'm not going to try. All I can do is sit here at my keyboard and say that I think you should do it.

For fuck's sake. I had an entire wall of text written out, but I can't post it for some reason. I get an error page if a post is too long. This was a serious problem and I really wanted advice. I try to reach out and I'm denied support.

[QUOTE=Vitalon;47046378]For fuck's sake. I had an entire wall of text written out, but I can't post it for some reason. I get an error page if a post is too long. This was a serious problem and I really wanted advice. I try to reach out and I'm denied support.[/QUOTE] Split it up over a couple of posts then?

[QUOTE=sp00ks;47044043]I started on sertraline 1½ month ago, and I've never felt better. I'm a bit drunk right now, but god damn, I feel fucking great. For the first time in years I understand how other people don't want to kill kill themselves. '[/QUOTE] I started on it myself back in mid-October and it seems to be helping. What dosage you on? I started on 50mg but stopped noticing any effect after a few weeks so got put on 100mg which I'm still on. I don't get panic breathing now and seem to be kinda more stable mood-wise. Also seem to be losing a lot of weight for some reason which is ok (I was 15"6" when I started, now I'm 14"3") Fluoxetine I tried first and it was way too stimulating and made my anxiety worse incl. panic breathing.

I was talking to one of the few friends I still know. We were talking about going places in town but was feeling iffy because he owed people money for various debts over the years. I couldn't stand it. I hate watching people sit around because they owe people money (I knew these people as well so I know there is money owed). I went and sent him $400 to pay them off and he's all happy again but now I'm running on $150 for bills/gas/food until my next pay period in two weeks. Did I do the right thing to make someone elses life better?

Didn't get any sleep yesterday night. Was out with a bud and his group and had a realization about my own social life here at uni and back home. I know its pretty mild compared to what other people have, but its added a lot to how down I've already been feeling these days. I've got some tight payments I've got to start making soon, and school's been rough, and it's all kind of compounding together. I'm just feeling a little exasperated right now I guess.