Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Rammaster;47260673]How does one deal with depression and being in a relationship? I just feel so isolated and worthless that it's affecting what I think she thinks of me. It's like I can't really trust myself with what i'm feeling and I'm scared to open up about my depression. I've told her that I got diagnosed with it but I don't know how she really feels.[/QUOTE] Talk to her about it and don't leave out any feelings. Might also be best to pause it until you can resolve your own issues. I'd say the best thing to do is take a night or even a week to look at the big picture and figure out what is in the your best interests. Then make a choice.

think I'm having another worsened psychotic sensation today. been feeling more out of it than usual after being relatively well functioning, though with the derealization feeling sitting in the background. makes this hard as I don't feel the staff at the ward properly understands how awful I currently feel. I feel that I need to go home so I have a comfortable spot to be while having something to do instead of rotting away in this room having nothing to do. I can't go out of this room, it's too uncomfortable while I can do that at home. to make everything worse, they don't seem to be very happy with my idea of going home so I feel really stuck here. they say they have the expertise to care for me, but I honestly don't believe that's what I need right now. I need rest while also having something to do so I stay sane. here I get rest but nothing to do, which I've been stuck with for two weeks now. it's driving me insane. all I want to do is go home [editline]5th March 2015[/editline] all I'm currently doing is sleeping and waiting, this isn't how things should be. why won't they let me go home?

Been feeling overly anxious for the whole week about college, friends, my health, money, bla bla bla. Gonna try and cut out some foods/beverages that I suspect are inducing these feelings. So for a week, no coffee, sugar, starch or alcohol.

taking some b12 and "ultimate male energy" pills to try and combat my problem with sleeping for 12 hours (and even feeling tired after then) so far it's not working but it removes my desires to masturbate so I'm going to keep taking them

I rarely like to vent my issues to other people (since I feel as if I could just take care of the problem over just talking about it) But lately I've been finding that really I don't know, I just really haven't had a desire to do much of anything lately. Frankly, I just think it's time for me to admit that I'm actually a pretty lonely person who in reality thinks he has his shit together but he knows for a fact that he doesn't, like I've tried making changes many times but I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong here. Yes, I've had thoughts of suicide many times, for the past 3-4 years but I've just really haven't said much about it, I haven't done it yet obviously nor will I ever do it but like I said, I've had thoughts about it nearly all the time. I've told my mother and father about it and sometimes I admit to being depressed/suicidal and sometimes I just say that I'm fine, but I'm never fine but on the flipside, I'm afraid about what will happen. Mostly because people always think of me of that one guy who has no issues and is happy with his life, has everything in order, and is going to be successful but in reality, I'm the complete fucking opposite of that. You know that one ~~epic~~ quote (bear with me here ok) that says like [I]"The Happiest people are the loneliest" [/I] yeah that essentially is what I feel like Yeah I have my own little circle of friends but I just have this immense feeling of sadness/anger whenever I'm attending school, like yeah I've tried to make new friends before it kind of works I don't know just what the hell did I do wrong. Eh, I know it sounds like I'm rambling on like a fucking nut here but christ, I just want to fucking live for once that's all, is that too much to ask for? Can I be happy for once? You know I've tried my hardest, I really have, and I've tried nearly EVERYTHING, but I always end up back at square one no matter what so it's like, when is this all going to change? Sorry if it sounded like I was ranting just saying what was on my mind that's all.

Why is it that i'll never get what I want out of life and why do I have to accept that? Are people like me just meant be walked on so that others can measure their success by comparison? I am just a margin of failure?

After years of abuse (physically when I was a child but mostly emotional & verbal afterwards up until recently), I thought things were changing with my father. I thought things were different and he was trying to actually change and we were bonding. I started living with him a lot between my semesters for a couple of months until about a month and a half ago when he completely disregarded my OCD and called it a 'silly bathroom phobia' and then told me how he hopes I have nobody and have to get 'the shittiest job cleaning toilets'. We hadn't spoken for a month and a half since then, and now because he's lost his job and the company car is getting taken back, he's trying to guilt me and say 'it's small of me' to hold a grudge over him saying 'he hopes I have to clean toilets for a job'. I just cannot fathom this. He's always been a complete fuckhead but this is beyond bad. He actually got to me and hurt me because I let my guard down and he just doesn't care. I should have expected this I guess because he's never respected me and when I was suicidal and cutting myself as a child he just took my journal and literally laughed at me and got mad how I was wasting time with that stuff. Fuck, I hate whining about my issues & opening up but I needed ot let this out. Fuck.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47268983]Why is it that i'll never get what I want out of life and why do I have to accept that? Are people like me just meant be walked on so that others can measure their success by comparison? I am just a margin of failure?[/QUOTE] It depends on what you really want in life - if it's humanly possible for you to get there, all you can do is try and get it. If you think that people are going to compare themselves to yourself, it's generally better to get them thoughts out of your head, and think of something that you have done to make yourself, or those around you proud of you. It doesn't have to be something huge, in proportion to everything else that's going on around you, just something that you're glad you did. No one is a margin of failure, only an image of their own view in the circle of things.

I never get a second of rest. I constantly feel this insanely uncomfortable feeling in my body. I need to move, all the time. combine this with nothing feeling real, it does feel like my sanity has left me. I think differently, I'm noticeably more paranoid. I'm glad I'm aware of these thoughts, but who knows where it might go? I don't believe there are cameras watching me on the ward, but I'm not sure. they tell me it's not legal, and sure, it's not, but who knows? lots of these thoughts leave me a little torn. not sure what part of me I should believe. I feel like my stay at the ward might be harmful in a way. I feel that they're spiking my drinks which is why I feel like I do. why I've suffered from depersonalization and a constant need to move. these thoughts and suspicions sounds weird, but I don't know what to believe. these thoughts come from somewhere. I feel like I've lost touch with reality entirely. I often find myself staring at the wall, my monitor, or anything else for minutes without being responsive. suddenly I realize I sit there staring, so I snap out of it. I don't understand how a condition can change how I think so drastically. I would have never thought of it before, but now it doesn't even feel like I'm the guy in charge of my own life. I feel like a spectator, this body doesn't feel mine. it feels like someone stole my body. my perception of time is drastically reduced. I live by seconds. tick tock. things take ages to pass. thoughts just keep on coming. I thought these meds were supposed to help. I don't understand how a condition can change who I am. I'm still me, I think, or I must be, but how I think is so different. the thoughts they keep coming. I suppose it's a good thing I'm here so the thoughts get directly translated to readable words. it feels like my meds are either placebo or spiked. they make me feel awful, why do these paranoid thoughts come now after I begun taking something that wa ssupposed to end these thoughts? I feel a lot morre awful than usual. I need to move, move, move. I can't get ers.t I keepf rogewttng where I am. I'm home, but it doesn't feel like home

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Turns out I needed to get more sleep and eat more vegetables.

I am hurting

What's the point in living if your not happy and you know that things will never get better?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47276970]What's the point in living if your not happy and you know that things will never get better?[/QUOTE] I think that asking it from those "anti-suicide" people isn't a smart idea, they'll shoot you with their "life's beautiful", "you shouldn't hate your life" etc.blablabla, it's best to discuss with other people who have similar problems, that comes from my experiences. [editline]8th March 2015[/editline] I have a question: What are your thoughts on people/police using violence to stop someone from suiciding? Like using force to beat/put down to prevent it, I think it just makes it more likely for that person to commit suicide, not to mention that those stoppers will be perceived as ...holes.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47276970]What's the point in living if your not happy and you know that things will never get better?[/QUOTE] You don't 'know' things will never get better no matter how much you try to convince yourself and anyone else you do, humans aren't fortune tellers. The only thing that is constant is change.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47276970]What's the point in living if your not happy and you know that things will never get better?[/QUOTE] I wake up every single day to make sure my dog is happy and i get to wakeup to his company. I've told myself when he is gone i will follow shortly after. But lately i feel he will outlive me.

Fuck me I just watched Birdman. That movie is all about mental illness and suicide. I did not expect it to be so heavy and I'm pretty messed up now.

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;47278365]You don't 'know' things will never get better no matter how much you try to convince yourself and anyone else you do, humans aren't fortune tellers. The only thing that is constant is change.[/QUOTE] I'm only happy around this girl but she lives in a different town :/ I feel like if we got together I would be happy. If there's anyone that could stop me from drinking everyday and all together it's her.

anyone has any experience with anti psychotics giving you an insane lust to constantly move? I keep moving but never feel satisfied. it's not restlessness either, it's just a craving to move. it makes it really difficult to lay still when going to sleep and makes it really difficult to sit back and relax in general. is there a remedy for this? I haven't found a way to get relief other than actually moving which kinda is the problem to begin with so I suppose it's not really a relief. it's driving me absolutely nuts

how do I stop getting the feeling that whatever I do, I'm wasting my time?

[QUOTE=PredGD;47280826]anyone has any experience with anti psychotics giving you an insane lust to constantly move? I keep moving but never feel satisfied. it's not restlessness either, it's just a craving to move. it makes it really difficult to lay still when going to sleep and makes it really difficult to sit back and relax in general. is there a remedy for this? I haven't found a way to get relief other than actually moving which kinda is the problem to begin with so I suppose it's not really a relief. it's driving me absolutely nuts[/QUOTE] Try running/biking till you're super tired. I get really restless going to bed sometimes and can't stop moving my legs, and heavy exercise seems to help.

[QUOTE=PredGD;47280826]anyone has any experience with anti psychotics giving you an insane lust to constantly move? I keep moving but never feel satisfied. it's not restlessness either, it's just a craving to move. it makes it really difficult to lay still when going to sleep and makes it really difficult to sit back and relax in general. is there a remedy for this? I haven't found a way to get relief other than actually moving which kinda is the problem to begin with so I suppose it's not really a relief. it's driving me absolutely nuts[/QUOTE] Google tardive dyskinesia, it's an adverse effect of antipsychotics. You should talk to your provider.

Fuck off depression. I have things that need to get done, I don't have time for your negative shit right now. Had to take a break from coursework, do some yoga and clean my room of dirty clothes and trash, I feel slightly better but I still feel so down on myself. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of crying.

I just don't understand my brain. Sometimes I honestly think there's a god punishing me for whatever reason. I don't know why I just don't off myself, I used to think "because I don't want to hurt my parents" but honestly I want to let them know what a shitty bunch of people they are so I don't understand why I just don't. Maybe the will to live? Maybe to give whatever force out there that's causing all this shit a giant middle finger and say "I fucking survived all the bullshit that you threw at me". I hate my parents so fucking much, it makes my hate worse when they try to make up for all the bullshit they've done via dumber bullshit they should've done when I was a kid. If anyone bothers reading paragraph long posts don't you fucking dare say "Maybe you should repair your relationship" because there is nothing to repair. Like honestly I feel like offing myself and writing a lengthy suicide note just so they fucking get the message that they're failed parents. But maybe I don't want to go through with it because I won't see their reaction while burning in whatever hell is waiting for me. Not a day goes by where I just want to tell them that they did a shit job at raising me but I would probably get kicked out of the house and be shit out of luck. I'm turning 19 soon and I've been pretty much mooching off of them for a year. I just can't fucking work because my body wants more than 12 hours of sleep and I can't handle stress, it's just so fucking hard to do anything but sit on my ass and program telling myself "SEE I'M BEING USEFUL". My sister has it worse. She's a bisexual transgendered ftm who was abused by a 21 year old in an e-relationship, bullied in school over her transgendered status, and has an eating disorder. I'm just gay who doesn't want to be gay who has issues with his brain. She is also homeschooled because she has breakdowns over the thought of going back to school.

I could hardly speak on yall's individual anxieties, but I can say that most, if not all of them are rooted within the mind. The incredible truth is that we are not our minds. Our minds feel the need to chatter all the time so we can have something to identify with. This is our ego at work. There is incredible power in realizing that all thoughts of personal worthlessness and lack of faith in one's self are just smoke and mirrors created by the mind. This isn't to say the negative effects of overthinking are not serious - they definitely are. But when you start treating the uncontrolled mind as something like a child, rather than your actual self, amazing things can happen. This is all coming from personal experience given that over the course of a year I went from full-on crisis mode to being considerably zen and present, practically anxiety-free. This type of thinking (or lack thereof) started when I picked up [url=http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425863473&sr=1-1&keywords=power+of+now][I]The Power of Now[/I][/url] by Eckhart Tolle. I HIGHLY suggest that book. Definite game changer! It resonates more and more every time I read it. This video touches the tip of the iceberg of his amazing book. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTFDfR47dl4[/media]

[QUOTE=skynrdfan3;47284202] This is all coming from personal experience given that over the course of a year I went from full-on crisis mode to being considerably zen and present, practically anxiety-free. [/QUOTE] pffft thats nothing i can do that 8 times a day

9 times

lmao those were supposed to be jokes but then it actually happened didnt even know that was a thing my brain did 2 hours of sleep time to drive a car and spend 8 hours around heavy machinery ＨＥＲＥ　ＷＥ　ＧＯ！

Starting to scare myself as of late, as my body seems to be mentally preparing for suicide. I can't stop having dreams of getting shot in the head and how it'd feel, and death seems less and less scary as days go by. But at the same time, I find it fascinating how my mind is doing this completely on it's own. Whether as a manifestation of my thoughts or my depression, it's extremely intriguing how it's working with itself to make death seem like a less scary thing. I've already had my share of close encounters with death, and those always scared the pants off of me, but I'm starting to be okay with the whole scenario. It's most likely because my anti-depressants ran out a few months ago, and my withdrawals are getting to me.

I haven't thought about loneliness for a while, but it decided to come visit just now. I don't have any friends which is a bummer, really wish I had one. perhaps not the brightest idea to go on Facebook. always hurts to see the world go by while I still sit here.