Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=PredGD;47287346]I haven't thought about loneliness for a while, but it decided to come visit just now. I don't have any friends which is a bummer, really wish I had one. perhaps not the brightest idea to go on Facebook. always hurts to see the world go by while I still sit here.[/QUOTE] "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."

and now im a neet i guess?? these last 24 hours have been a hoot [editline]9th March 2015[/editline] remember the old saying kids: be careful what you joke for it just might come true [editline]9th March 2015[/editline] oh i misheard i still have a job shit

Another rant time. We're seeing a family therapist, my father is not fucking listening to anything I or the therapist says. All I want is some space, I'm turning 19 for fuck sakes and I don't need my father to tell me bullshit like to "clean my room". I am almost legally an adult and he's telling me to clean my room. I am willing to do chores, I am willing to do anything, but I'm sick and fucking tired of him telling me to do dumb shit like "make your bed" or "clean your room". I told my parents and the therapist that I just need some space, the therapist agrees, my parents seem to do not. Jesus you can sum this post up to "I'm crying because my father told me to clean my room and we had an argument about it." I told him is "Please stop telling me to clean my room." then he goes on a rant about how it's his house and his rules and it just makes me really upset that he's not listening to me or the therapist. Like I can't fucking stand up for myself because he would probably kick me out of the house if I yell at him and let him know how I feel. I try to do it politely but that never gets anywhere, I really have to show them how I feel about it in order to get the message. For example when I was in gradeschool, if I got anything less than a C+ they would ground me from playing video games or hang out with irl friends, which just sunk me deeper into depression, it wasn't until the 9th or 10th grade where I just yelled at them and punched a wall telling them that I fucking try in school when they say I don't try. The only thing I can do right now is just suck it up. I just called my family therapist in the middle of writing this post for some professional advice. She wasn't there so I left a message, almost cried telling her what the problem was. Like just that conversation just ruined the rest of my day. I'm probably going to code some dumb shit in a dead language to make myself feel useful.

The closer I get to 30 the more I'm realising I'm failing at life. I've achieved nothing and I'm still living at home. Fuck, If I don't do something in the next 3 years I'll be a loser man child. Oh shit the pressure is on. I need to be earning a solid $50,000 AUD a year or I'll be fucked.

Minimum wage manual labour 5 days a week is slowly draining all happiness from my life.

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I Work my ass off at work and I'm never satisfied with anything I buy. I know it sounds stupid but I buy shit and then regret it if I don't like it. I see something and I instantly want to buy it without doing any reading about it

I just keep thinking about myself getting killed in multiple ways in the last few months, i feel depressed, hopeless, unmotivated and meaningless without this girl, and for my current life status overall... Later i had my hunting knife pointed toward my heart thinking what to do...

A little over a week ago, I had a cocked luger in my mouth, pointed directly at my cranial matter. I'm still trying to find one reason, however miniscule, as to why I didn't just pull the trigger.

[QUOTE=GayIlluminati;47301181]A little over a week ago, I had a cocked luger in my mouth, pointed directly at my cranial matter. I'm still trying to find one reason, however miniscule, as to why I didn't just pull the trigger.[/QUOTE] We've all been there, myself included included and I just though thought about my friends that would miss me if I did? Is it the same for you maybe? What made you go that far anyway

[QUOTE=GayIlluminati;47301181]A little over a week ago, I had a cocked luger in my mouth, pointed directly at my cranial matter. I'm still trying to find one reason, however miniscule, as to why I didn't just pull the trigger.[/QUOTE] Because you realized that a one way trip wasn't the solution to a temporary problem. It gets better Pal, trust me

[QUOTE=Rammaster;47260673]How does one deal with depression and being in a relationship? I just feel so isolated and worthless that it's affecting what I think she thinks of me. It's like I can't really trust myself with what i'm feeling and I'm scared to open up about my depression. I've told her that I got diagnosed with it but I don't know how she really feels.[/QUOTE] Prolly replying a bit late, but this is something I had to deal with a lot past few months and I feel like there are things I could share. I've been struggling with depression for almost 7 years by now, last year I went into therapy in a mental institution, where I've been put on medication and basically told, that I'll have to deal with depressions for the rest of my life. The medication allowed me to start dating girls I felt attracted to, although it did almost ruin me. Once I found the girl that suited me, I was quite open about my depression problem. Then again, self harm is hard to hide when getting intimate, so maybe I had to. From the start I made clear that I will have depressions and told her, that she is not the reason for my "breakdowns". Also tell her what she can and can not do to help you when you're depressive, to take away the feeling of helplessness from her. Also this makes it easier for you to know what you can expect from her, although if you find something missing, try to request it right away, which can be super hard. When I get depressive, I can't talk at all, so I try to direct her with minor gestures. For this to work, you need to communicate about it. You have to open up and if there is a person, that you can open up to, it's probably the person you've chosen to love. If you hide what's going on inside of you, it will strain the relationship a lot, as you won't understand each other's actions. This is something that probably already happens to you to some degree, when you say, that your condition affectes the way you think how she perceives you. Your mind most likely overdramatizes and clings to things that have no meaning whatsoever, which then again makes communicating harder as you lose trust to your partner. In a relationship, your partner is often willing to do much more than you expect him to do, especially if it's about depression. If that's not the case, she's probably not the right choice for you, as problems will pile up over time. This is something I realized when I got off my medication. The withdrawal symptoms were fucking terrible and affected me much worse than described in the instructions. I was running around like a zombie and started crying in public, it was a terrible fucking month, but she endured it, because she knew what is going to happen as I've told her beforehand. The last thing left to adress are the feelings of isolation and worthlessness. This is something you need to work on and you have excellent conditions to overcome these feelings, as you already are in a relationship. While it's hard to realize that you are wanted when feeling depressed, the fact that you are in a relationship is something to capitalize on. There is a person that wants you and appreciates you affection. This is like the best proof for the fact that you actually are worth something. Just let her be close to you and try to accept her affinity to overcome the feeling of isolation. [I](Also to anyone not in a relationship, don't feel discouraged by these words! There are people that care for you, you just need to realize that and accept it, eventhough these people might not have a romantic relationship to you.) [/I] It's fucking hell, I feel you bro, but this is something you can tackle effectively. I wish you the best of luck.

[QUOTE=MisterUndead;47301432]Prolly replying a bit late, but this is something I had to deal with a lot past few months and I feel like there are things I could share. I've been struggling with depression for almost 7 years by now, last year I went into therapy in a mental institution, where I've been put on medication and basically told, that I'll have to deal with depressions for the rest of my life. The medication allowed me to start dating girls I felt attracted to, although it did almost ruin me. Once I found the girl that suited me, I was quite open about my depression problem. Then again, self harm is hard to hide when getting intimate, so maybe I had to. From the start I made clear that I will have depressions and told her, that she is not the reason for my "breakdowns". Also tell her what she can and can not do to help you when you're depressive, to take away the feeling of helplessness from her. Also this makes it easier for you to know what you can expect from her, although if you find something missing, try to request it right away, which can be super hard. When I get depressive, I can't talk at all, so I try to direct her with minor gestures. For this to work, you need to communicate about it. You have to open up and if there is a person, that you can open up to, it's probably the person you've chosen to love. If you hide what's going on inside of you, it will strain the relationship a lot, as you won't understand each other's actions. This is something that probably already happens to you to some degree, when you say, that your condition affectes the way you think how she perceives you. Your mind most likely overdramatizes and clings to things that have no meaning whatsoever, which then again makes communicating harder as you lose trust to your partner. In a relationship, your partner is often willing to do much more than you expect him to do, especially if it's about depression. If that's not the case, she's probably not the right choice for you, as problems will pile up over time. This is something I realized when I got off my medication. The withdrawal symptoms were fucking terrible and affected me much worse than described in the instructions. I was running around like a zombie and started crying in public, it was a terrible fucking month, but she endured it, because she knew what is going to happen as I've told her beforehand. The last thing left to adress are the feelings of isolation and worthlessness. This is something you need to work on and you have excellent conditions to overcome these feelings, as you already are in a relationship. While it's hard to realize that you are wanted when feeling depressed, the fact that you are in a relationship is something to capitalize on. There is a person that wants you and appreciates you affection. This is like the best proof for the fact that you actually are worth something. Just let her be close to you and try to accept her affinity to overcome the feeling of isolation. [I](Also to anyone not in a relationship, don't feel discouraged by these words! There are people that care for you, you just need to realize that and accept it, eventhough these people might not have a romantic relationship to you.) [/I] It's fucking hell, I feel you bro, but this is something you can tackle effectively. I wish you the best of luck.[/QUOTE] Thank you much for this but unfortunately, we broke up. My anxiety and depression did get the best of me and she felt smothered. It kinda fucking hurts. I've been so open about it and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore because it was making her anxious too. Now I do really feel so fucking worthless and it was all my fault the relationship crashed and burned.

I know there is alot of you suffering from this terrible illness, I am so sorry. I have struggled with it for many years, and have only found temporary solutions. Eckhart Tolle's teachings and Buddhism have helped me. Vitamins have also helped. I never found a medication that worked. I sunk into a very deep depression last October, and checked myself into a mental health clinic so I could have the help of Doctors. Alot of my depression stemmed from missing old friends, and seeing how they had moved on and how I had moved so far away. I miss my friends like the world, but I have accepted that I live in the now, and that I will make new friends, and friends that I used to know that care enough to come back, will.

It sucks I have to rely on alcohol just to feel better. I love drinking but I need another way of coping

[QUOTE=Rammaster;47301930]Thank you much for this but unfortunately, we broke up. My anxiety and depression did get the best of me and she felt smothered. It kinda fucking hurts. I've been so open about it and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore because it was making her anxious too. Now I do really feel so fucking worthless and it was all my fault the relationship crashed and burned.[/QUOTE] Don't put the burden only on yourself. There are people that can handle depressive partners, some just can't - if that's the case, it's not meant to be. One struggles with his own issues, the other one doesn't know what to do and feel pressured. It's generally better to get into a realtionship once you feel stable. I don't know anything about your family, friends and other social contacs, but try to seek a people, that make you feel relaxed, comfortable and positive. Second part is figuring out what triggers your anxiety and depression and then look for effective ways to either deal with or avoid those things. This is where therapy is really helpful. I currently have something like a guardian, which I meet every 1 - 2 weeks. With him, I talk about what worked well, what didn't work at all, what I achieved during the week, what I still have to do et cetera. When there are things I can't do on my own, he helps me out or accompanies me appointments. Not sure if there are services like that in the US and how costly they are, Germany covers that really well. But it's really effective as you are "forced" socialize, you can plan ahead, use the meetings to be productive and find strategies how to master the everyday life without wanting to kill yourself.

[QUOTE=Rammaster;47301930]Thank you much for this but unfortunately, we broke up. My anxiety and depression did get the best of me and she felt smothered. It kinda fucking hurts. I've been so open about it and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore because it was making her anxious too. Now I do really feel so fucking worthless and it was all my fault the relationship crashed and burned.[/QUOTE] don't blame yourself it will only make it worse.

My mother is on my side about the whole my dad is being an ass thing, my mother theorizes that he doesn't like it when he's not the alpha male or something idk. I feel better, my therapist called back to check on me, my next appointment is in April. I also went on reddit to try and get help with an incredibly personal issue that I rather not be linked to me, last time I said something related to it, people who have massive grudges against me used that to bug the shit out of me. There were no replies, like more than half of the threads had no replies so I don't know what to do

I am craving a drink so bad right now and I already drank a few hours ago

Was pissed off today, still upset with myself. Apparently someone called to schedule an appointment for a therapist, it was confusing as hell because I didn't ask for an appointment, the phone quality was shit and an indian woman was speaking, I have a hard time hearing and I'm trash at understanding accents. I was incredibly busy so I didn't have time for any of this. I handed the phone to my mother because she had a feeling of what's going on went back to work on something that needed to be work on and apparently they needed to talk to me one last fucking time which made me curse (the indian woman might of heard) I was more pissed off at the fact that this was incredibly unprofessional and I was reminded of this other company that I went to which was also incredibly unprofessional. At that company I had a therapist in training who knew jack shit about my problems, and I don't know why but the room that I was supposed to use was always being used by the manager of the building checking his emails who was always surprised that he needed to leave. He took 3-5 minutes to pack up and it just annoyed the hell out of me.

Thinking positively has helped me as I worry too much over the little things. Was at work and I was taking cans off the shelf, then one fell to the floor and literally exploded at my face :v: I just turned to the girl walking down the aisle and laughed about it. I'm just glad my confidence is at a stage where I don't take myself too seriously.

[QUOTE=Mr. Agree;47305222]Thinking positively has helped me as I worry too much over the little things. Was at work and I was taking cans off the shelf, then one fell to the floor and literally exploded at my face :v: I just turned to the girl walking down the aisle and laughed about it. I'm just glad my confidence is at a stage where I don't take myself too seriously.[/QUOTE] Indeed, our subjective experience is more important than our objective circumstances :)!

Looks like I'm back to posting in this thread daily again. I'm having thoughts of suicide again but for whatever reason I find them funny. Like I get this burst of sadness and then hapiness then another burst of sadness. I should really let my therapist know but thats something you just easily bring up. Me thinking of suicide feels like me thinking of some great vacation that's going to happen next year. [editline]12th March 2015[/editline] I should just start a blog that no one reads so I can vent without repercussions tumblr time

Went to the doctor today in hopes of finding out what's up with my stomach. Did a test and got a score that pointed towards being depressed. I was expecting it. And for some stupid fucking reason I decided not to mention my recent cases of self-harm. So I was then told to call a psych-center and got an appointment that's in four weeks. Could be worse. But I have planned to go take care of the interpersonal shit that triggered this state of mind.

Yesterday with my birthday. There has now been a defective person walking around Canada for the last 25 years. I put my hand over the screen on the card punch at work to hide the HAPPY BIRTHDAY message from my coworkers and the other morning after I got home I stayed up until noon, slept until 10PM to avoid my parents who were probably going to say something to try and cheer me up and left for work at 10:10 so I could buy two cheeseburgers to eat in the car before work.

[QUOTE=war_man333;47281271]how do I stop getting the feeling that whatever I do, I'm wasting my time?[/QUOTE] I am in the same boat. But I know that this feeling will pass and that is what gives me hope... [editline]12th March 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=pentium;47308766]Yesterday with my birthday. There has now been a defective person walking around Canada for the last 25 years. I put my hand over the screen on the card punch at work to hide the HAPPY BIRTHDAY message from my coworkers and the other morning after I got home I stayed up until noon, slept until 10PM to avoid my parents who were probably going to say something to try and cheer me up and left for work at 10:10 so I could buy two cheeseburgers to eat in the car before work.[/QUOTE] You are not defective, just... you like stuff others people don't and that what makes you stand out. And you probably hate yourself because you are different. But you are logical person, aren't you? Isn't not hating yourself better way to cope with life?

I feel like a burden to the people around me, especially my family. I normally talk about my problems to my mother, because she always used to listen and try to make me feel better. But lately, she's been having problems of her own, and there's been a few instances where we've argued about how I always seem negative around her. I want to see a doctor because I've never done so, since my behavior is having an effect on my mother, but I don't have the funds. I'd like to think I'm not clinically depressed - I feel pretty neutral at the moment - but I do feel like I've been stuck in the same mood for 3 years. Bored, frustrated, anxious, a loner, and I regret so much that I've done to the point where I feel discouraged altogether.

I hate myself so much. I don't know what's wrong with me but I fucking hate myself. I am fucking worthless.

I know you all aren't doctors, but I think these last few weeks I have started to battle depression. It started with the inability to sleep, despite being awake for 16-18 hours a day. This then transformed to a general lack of motivation and energy. These last few days, mundane tasks like cleaning the dishes seem way more arduous. And I've really been battling with these feelings about university and how pointless it is, which has now devolved into feelings that it's not really the school, it's that I'm not good at anything I do. And today, with no provocation, I am having extremely violent thoughts. Like I want to destroy the laptop I am writing this on, and it's not even a bad laptop. Is this depression? Do I need to see a doctor? I'm 22 and I think I've already outgrown my angst phase, if Timehop is any indication.

[QUOTE=Protocol7;47310828]I know you all aren't doctors, but I think these last few weeks I have started to battle depression. It started with the inability to sleep, despite being awake for 16-18 hours a day. This then transformed to a general lack of motivation and energy. These last few days, mundane tasks like cleaning the dishes seem way more arduous. And I've really been battling with these feelings about university and how pointless it is, which has now devolved into feelings that it's not really the school, it's that I'm not good at anything I do. And today, with no provocation, I am having extremely violent thoughts. Like I want to destroy the laptop I am writing this on, and it's not even a bad laptop. Is this depression? Do I need to see a doctor? I'm 22 and I think I've already outgrown my angst phase, if Timehop is any indication.[/QUOTE] depression affects everyone in different ways and what you're experiencing could be anything. it's hard to tell without a shrink helping out to figure out if its a problem or not. I'd recommend seeing a doctor if you know for sure you're not just stressed or burned out and if it's starting to get in the way for regular daily activities which it sounds like it is with your washing the dishes example.