Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=DELL;47396105] Just go get help there is nothing to be afraid of they are there to help you. The only thing to be afraid of is what will happen to you if you don't get the help. Which will most likely be a very shitty short life where all you want to do is die.[/QUOTE] Thats pretty much where i stand now almost every day, but i've been doing things after taking drugs unknowingly, and i despise drugs (not illegal ones, just combinations of things i dont even know)

Sometimes i keep catching myself acting out certain emotions that people expect me to express. Problem is i can't draw a line where real emotional reaction ends and pretentious one start. it seems novadays that even moments when i am expressing anger it is done to merely check out a box of "emotion'a'day" list. This does not mean i am emotionaless by any means but as time goes amout of expression i can deal is getting poor. I am starting to enjoy moments of comfortable numbness, through wich i am hardly conceiving any thought. This leaves me concerned (well atleast i i think i feel concerned right at this moment) whenever such behavior is normal for modern society or perhabs i am going in wrong direction. for i feel like certain things that demanded from me as reactions are simply not here anymore.

Been feeling very down lately. My educational career is clearly not taking me anywhere, and I continue to lose investment in it by the day. My parents continue to hound me about being lazy for my inability to find work, and say that they want me out of the house. I feel frightened and I don't know what to do. I think i'm here because I just need to vent a little bit. I keep getting older and I'm really not getting any better. Feeling pretty depressed and suicidal. I must have been thirteen or fourteen the last time I considered just running away from everything. I feel those emotions resurfacing now. My parents love me and want what is best for me, but I feel entirely incapable of living up to their expectations. I'm walking in circles all the time. I just really don't know.

[QUOTE=Danny Lol;47396437]Been feeling very down lately. My educational career is clearly not taking me anywhere, and I continue to lose investment in it by the day. My parents continue to hound me about being lazy for my inability to find work, and say that they want me out of the house. I feel frightened and I don't know what to do. I think i'm here because I just need to vent a little bit. I keep getting older and I'm really not getting any better. Feeling pretty depressed and suicidal. I must have been thirteen or fourteen the last time I considered just running away from everything. I feel those emotions resurfacing now. My parents love me and want what is best for me, but I feel entirely incapable of living up to their expectations. I'm walking in circles all the time. I just really don't know.[/QUOTE] [url=http://www.amazon.com/The-Defining-Decade-Twenties-Matter-And/dp/0446561754]The Defining Decade[/url] sounds like what you need. Definitely a reassuring book. This therapist counselled tons of twenty-somethings about the very things you seem to be struggling with. Give it a go! 500 5 star reviews can't be wrong.

I'm about to start on a SNRI. I'm doing well with CBT for anxiety, but my paranoia and obsessive thoughts have been a hard wall to break down and I'm hoping medication can do me some good. Anyone have experience with Wellbutrin or similar drugs? I know everyone's experience is going to be different anyways, but I figure there have to be a few commonalities here and there.

How do I not get jealous of people who are can do the things I can do, but much better ? It's one of the things I find hard to accept.

Thinking about it, I've had the same feelings of isolation and social anxiety for nearly 5 years. During school, I was definitely a weird kid. No friends, recluse, aggressive at times, struggled with most of my subjects and so on. When I finally left school for college, I had hopes that the different social circle would give me a breather and a fresh start. However it's hardly any different, I don't think. I'm still heading back home alone most days when everybody else is still together doing stuff, some of them even going out with one another. I'll feel left out, and then say to myself "If I want friends so badly, why don't I actually do something about it?" I'll frequently go out on weekends to all the bars and stuff here. I never feel nervous or afraid, in fact most people seem pretty receptive towards me. However I always disappoint myself in the end. I never actually get to know anybody's name, or hook up with someone, or remotely achieve any outcome that would make me feel satisfied. Not long ago, this continued to the point where it deflated me altogether, and I would cry nearly every night. My parents noticed me once, and I hadn't a clue how to explain things to them. When I did tell them that I simply just felt left out and without company, they would act condescending about it. Saying such things as "Maybe you should try harder", and "People just don't know how to take you". Evidently, this made me feel worse over time, and it reflected on them in the end. They began to see my behavior as rude and would lecture me daily. I learned to stop paying attention to them, but without them to talk to, I had nobody. I've gotten used to bottling things but I wish I could stop and not have to. I started taking valerian when I got really desperate to control my negative thoughts. After a month of taking them, I felt pretty much the same, so then I had St. Johns Wort. Felt the same again, only more drowsy during the day, and they would give me these really vivid dreams on some nights. The only thing I hadn't tried was counselling. My parents claimed they had no faith in it, but again, I didn't think it was worth listening to them anymore. When I started going, I felt worse yet again. They would often ask me what was wrong, and I would tell them I had no solid idea, and they would always say things like "We can't help if you don't tell us" or "How are we supposed to help if you don't know?" I later moved onto private therapy, but had to stop, since I was running out of the funds to keep going. I won't call myself depressed or whatever. I know I can get out of bed in the morning to face whatever comes, so I'm fine as far as that goes. But my feelings are in such a strange pattern. I'll feel up, then down, then back up again, then I'll crash at some point and break down in tears. I don't feel like I have control over it and it really scares me sometimes. When I'm asked what I think could maybe make me feel better, the thought of a relationship always pops up. I don't know why. I've never been in one - and I think I've missed out on it - but at the same time I question if that would possibly make things worse. I do wish I could find someone that would love me for the person I truly am, but I've ruined good friendships I had with women over being clingy and obsessive. I've learned from the mistakes and I don't act like that anymore, but I've not tried dating in forever, and I can't tell if it would be appropriate for me to go back to it. TL;DR I work, socialize, exercise, eat healthy etc. but I still feel empty and alone. What can I do differently to make things seem better?

[QUOTE=ilmon3y;47400371]Thinking about it, I've had the same feelings of isolation and social anxiety for nearly 5 years. During school, I was definitely a weird kid. No friends, recluse, aggressive at times, struggled with most of my subjects and so on. When I finally left school for college, I had hopes that the different social circle would give me a breather and a fresh start. However it's hardly any different, I don't think. I'm still heading back home alone most days when everybody else is still together doing stuff, some of them even going out with one another. I'll feel left out, and then say to myself "If I want friends so badly, why don't I actually do something about it?" I'll frequently go out on weekends to all the bars and stuff here. I never feel nervous or afraid, in fact most people seem pretty receptive towards me. However I always disappoint myself in the end. I never actually get to know anybody's name, or hook up with someone, or remotely achieve any outcome that would make me feel satisfied. Not long ago, this continued to the point where it deflated me altogether, and I would cry nearly every night. My parents noticed me once, and I hadn't a clue how to explain things to them. When I did tell them that I simply just felt left out and without company, they would act condescending about it. Saying such things as "Maybe you should try harder", and "People just don't know how to take you". Evidently, this made me feel worse over time, and it reflected on them in the end. They began to see my behavior as rude and would lecture me daily. I learned to stop paying attention to them, but without them to talk to, I had nobody. I've gotten used to bottling things but I wish I could stop and not have to. I started taking valerian when I got really desperate to control my negative thoughts. After a month of taking them, I felt pretty much the same, so then I had St. Johns Wort. Felt the same again, only more drowsy during the day, and they would give me these really vivid dreams on some nights. The only thing I hadn't tried was counselling. My parents claimed they had no faith in it, but again, I didn't think it was worth listening to them anymore. When I started going, I felt worse yet again. They would often ask me what was wrong, and I would tell them I had no solid idea, and they would always say things like "We can't help if you don't tell us" or "How are we supposed to help if you don't know?" I later moved onto private therapy, but had to stop, since I was running out of the funds to keep going. I won't call myself depressed or whatever. I know I can get out of bed in the morning to face whatever comes, so I'm fine as far as that goes. But my feelings are in such a strange pattern. I'll feel up, then down, then back up again, then I'll crash at some point and break down in tears. I don't feel like I have control over it and it really scares me sometimes. When I'm asked what I think could maybe make me feel better, the thought of a relationship always pops up. I don't know why. I've never been in one - and I think I've missed out on it - but at the same time I question if that would possibly make things worse. I do wish I could find someone that would love me for the person I truly am, but I've ruined good friendships I had with women over being clingy and obsessive. I've learned from the mistakes and I don't act like that anymore, but I've not tried dating in forever, and I can't tell if it would be appropriate for me to go back to it. TL;DR I work, socialize, exercise, eat healthy etc. but I still feel empty and alone. What can I do differently to make things seem better?[/QUOTE] Wow that is frighteningly similar to my current and past malady. Although I lack prosaic advice about how to solve these issues, I really hope you find out what you need to alleviate your pains. All I can really say is continue to socialize, exercise and explore your hobbies and hopefully some sort of revelation will come to you and lift you up. [editline]26th March 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=skynrdfan3;47396997][URL="http://www.amazon.com/The-Defining-Decade-Twenties-Matter-And/dp/0446561754"]The Defining Decade[/URL] sounds like what you need. Definitely a reassuring book. This therapist counselled tons of twenty-somethings about the very things you seem to be struggling with. Give it a go! 500 5 star reviews can't be wrong.[/QUOTE] I really appreciate this recommendation. I just checked it out from my local library, and will give it a try in my free time. Thanks again.

I sometimes think back to a specific time in my life, I was really depressed at that time so much in fact that I wanted to kill myself. The only reason I didn't do it is because I have zero pain tolerance so a measly cut on the finger scared me off. When I think back to that part of my life I wonder if it would have been better if I actually had enough balls to do it.

[QUOTE=Danny Lol;47400491] I really appreciate this recommendation. I just checked it out from my local library, and will give it a try in my free time. Thanks again.[/QUOTE] Hell yeah man. I'm telling you, people underestimate the power of books. I've never been so happy since I started reading an ASSLOAD of books. As I said earlier in this thread, they're a tool you can use to alter the lens through which you experience the world. Never forget Will Smith's quote: "There haver been millions and billions and billions and gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There’s no new problem you can have with your parents, with school, with a bully, with anything. [B]There’s no problem you can have that someone hasn't already solved and wrote about it in a book[/B]."

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47398234]How do I not get jealous of people who are can do the things I can do, but much better ? It's one of the things I find hard to accept.[/QUOTE] Aim to be the better person, there's still going to be someone out there that feels the same way as you do, but targets you for the way that they are feeling, work with people that are worse than you at that specific things, and you might learn a few little things to make you even better, at that specific thing.

[QUOTE=AtomicWaffle;47397751]I'm about to start on a SNRI. I'm doing well with CBT for anxiety, but my paranoia and obsessive thoughts have been a hard wall to break down and I'm hoping medication can do me some good. Anyone have experience with Wellbutrin or similar drugs? I know everyone's experience is going to be different anyways, but I figure there have to be a few commonalities here and there.[/QUOTE] My new psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin 150mg XL after being on Lexapro for a couple months and I've been feeling a hell of a lot more normal, but I still get a weird spike of depression once in a while when I'm alone or when I get flustered by others. SNRI+SDRI > SSRI. The lexapro worked kinda for a couple weeks, but once I started to feel normal and started doing things that helped get me stay creative and productive something just hit a brick wall and I went right back to being depressed and withdrawn most of the time.

I know i said I would cut back on drinking but on my only day off all I want to do is just drink all day.

I have really bad anxiety and no confidence, especially when it comes to relationship stuff. There's a guy a uni I really like but we don't really talk much and I have no idea how he feels, and because of my lack of confidence I'm assuming he doesn't like me back. I don't know what to do about this situation because if I don't do anything it'll eat away at me but I don't want to feel rejected and then have to face him all the time in lessons.

[QUOTE=literal;47408614]I have really bad anxiety and no confidence, especially when it comes to relationship stuff. There's a guy a uni I really like but we don't really talk much and I have no idea how he feels, and because of my lack of confidence I'm assuming he doesn't like me back. I don't know what to do about this situation because if I don't do anything it'll eat away at me but I don't want to feel rejected and then have to face him all the time in lessons.[/QUOTE] If you've talked before and he seems to appreciate your company, ask him to hang out with you outside uni. If you haven't, then maybe offer to help him out during classes in order to communicate with him more? If - either way - he isn't interested or whatever, it's really not worth it. People that reject you when you're only trying to be nice/friendly really don't deserve you in the end. Take it from someone who's been there.

it feels like I'm falling apart. the downwards spiral has no end and has gone down so quickly. I feel more and more detached from reality, I often freeze in place once too much happens at once, I'm getting more paranoid and I've started to experience tactile hallucinations. I've had the sensation that there are hands stroking my arms and that the sensation that my skin is melting off of me. I've heard a man scream while showering despite there being no other man than me in the house, and I've heard music when there is none. I find it hard to write and tell about all of these things as previously, from an external perspective, it sounds like so much bullshit but I'm experiencing it now so it can't be bullshit. I've yet to receive a diagnosis but it sounds like it's coming closer and closer. I was in the prodromalphase for psychosis for some time and now I've gotten really bad symptoms. my doctor and psychologist have told me they're confident that it's either a form for psychosis or schizophrenia. makes me worried for my future since not all recover from these things [editline]28th March 2015[/editline] its become really hard to read people and feel emotions correctly. I'm always "just okay". I don't really ever feel sad or happy, I'm just gone in my own head most of the time

I know this probably sounds really stupid, but fuck it I don't give a shit. Sometimes when I'm really fuckin depressed and feel completely stuck, I go out in a secluded area, like the top of a mountain, and scream, at the top of my lungs, like a motherfucker. I scream and cry and yell and rage, not just with my voice but with my body. I express fully all that I hold inside; all the weirdness that I hide from people, all the anger, all my regrets, all my desire, all my pain, and most of all, the crushing sadness. I cry and sob my fucking soul out. I let go completely. When it's over I feel free. I feel like an animal that has been caged that has finally been let out. I feel invincible, I feel like I can do anything. More than that I feel that I can breathe deeper than I ever have before. I can think incredibly clearly. I can be who I really am. It is truly liberating to realize, that you are really an animal, not a person.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47407806]I know i said I would cut back on drinking but on my only day off all I want to do is just drink all day.[/QUOTE] I know how you feel, I work 6 days a week and I drink and smoke every other night. I quit on thursday and now its saturday night and Im sitting at home alone drinking and smoking away. [editline]28th March 2015[/editline] ever since I moved out Ive gotten this feeling that Im getting by each day just to get by the next day. Its hard to explain but I don't feel like life goes anywhere further than this.

I always cheer up after a haircut, especially when i let my hair get horrible for half a year and then the bloke i see makes me look and feel a lot better, atleast for a few weeks lol. When i get a haircut i care for my personal appearance even for a while, m,aybe i should make it a regular thing, y'know care for myself for a change.

I have this thing where I spontaneously talk to myself out loud, specifically it happens whenever I think of something unpleasant, such as my father, or maybe a negative social interaction such as a joke I told which nobody laughed at. 90% of the things I say come from a list: * Fuck. * Stop * Stop it. * Think about * Think about what you're doing to me. * If you think that I would do that to you, you're wrong. * I fucked up. * I fucked up and I told her * I fucked up and I told her that I * I fucked up really bad * I fucked up really bad and I told her * I fucked up really bad and I told her that I * Nigger. And a few others I'm not really comfortable sharing. The other ten percent is just word salad or me reading my thoughts out loud. Shit sucks. I don't know why I do this; one thing I note is it kinda resets my thoughts so that I'm not thinking about negative things anymore. It's gotten more prominent recently. Friends chide me about it but I'm really concerned about some of the things I say, concerned about what would happen if someone hears me. I should see the psych.

I've been unable to sleep well recently, for a number of reasons. There have been three nights recently where I just haven't slept, and I still feel energetic enough to go out and do things after having no sleep. I've been under a lot of stress, which has got me depressed a little. Being unable to stop thinking about all these anxieties I have is what is stopping me from sleeping. Even when I think I've resolved things in my head I just end up remembering other things, or thinking about worst case scenarios and it's literally making me crazy. If anyone else has had similar issues on here and has any advice it would be appreciated.

How do you get over never being able to see a friend from high school ever again? I thought I was over this, but out of nowhere it's resurfaced, and it's devastating me. It doesn't help that they're in college now and I'm just here at home feeling like my life is going nowhere. I didn't feel ready for college. I still have yet to even get my driver's licence. I just feel like I'm a waste of life.

The longer I take my pills the more I realize that there is something wrong with me

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;47417026]The longer I take my pills the more I realize that there is something wrong with me[/QUOTE] Without my medication I can't control my feelings and just get angry, rude and then break down crying. Like now. I don't wanna rely on them but I can't function without them. Literally fucking happy pills, I fucking hate this.

-snip-

Anyone here ever get really irritable whenever they skip their medication? I can usually keep my thoughts to myself, and whenever I see myself slipping, I always remember I didn't take my pills that day. I only read the above posts after making this post, and what a coincidence, you're talkng about the same things!

[url]http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427666958&sr=1-1&keywords=an+unquiet+mind[/url] Highly recommend reading this for anyone.

[QUOTE=kimr120;47418258]Without my medication I can't control my feelings and just get angry, rude and then break down crying. Like now. I don't wanna rely on them but I can't function without them. Literally fucking happy pills, I fucking hate this.[/QUOTE] when thinking deeper of it, is taking medication really that big of a problem? is it a reason to be more upset with one self? I'm happy that I have the meds I have since without them I'm completely non-functioning. I wouldn't be able hold conversations at all, I'd just be stuck inside my own head with thoughts that has no structure and makes no sense. meds or not, we're not able to change our situations around just like that. one day one might be able to go without meds, but until then, why hate the use of meds/one self because one takes meds? all it does is bring one down for no reason. it's better to think that the meds help one out, especially when one notices its positive effects as well. we can't change who we are, so why not accept the help one can get? I'm just happy my meds relieve me of my symptoms to a degree where I at least function.

[QUOTE=Tone Float;47413092]I have this thing where I spontaneously talk to myself out loud, specifically it happens whenever I think of something unpleasant, such as my father, or maybe a negative social interaction such as a joke I told which nobody laughed at. 90% of the things I say come from a list: * Fuck. * Stop * Stop it. * Think about * Think about what you're doing to me. * If you think that I would do that to you, you're wrong. * I fucked up. * I fucked up and I told her * I fucked up and I told her that I * I fucked up really bad * I fucked up really bad and I told her * I fucked up really bad and I told her that I * Nigger. And a few others I'm not really comfortable sharing. The other ten percent is just word salad or me reading my thoughts out loud. Shit sucks. I don't know why I do this; one thing I note is it kinda resets my thoughts so that I'm not thinking about negative things anymore. It's gotten more prominent recently. Friends chide me about it but I'm really concerned about some of the things I say, concerned about what would happen if someone hears me. I should see the psych.[/QUOTE] This is much more common than you think. I do this all the time.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;47417026]The longer I take my pills the more I realize that there is something wrong with me[/QUOTE] so what if there's something wrong with you? while others who surround you don't struggle with exactly the same problems as you, they all have problems of their own. it's as they say, no one is born perfect and if everyone were, it'd be a boring world. it's all about changing the way you think about your situation. don't reach for the stars, reach for what's in reach.