Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

there are things wrong with everyone. people find very effective ways to make you think they don't have anything wrong with them. try not to focus so much about the things that are wrong with you. everyone has things wrong with them.

[QUOTE=zacht_180;47419953][url]http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427666958&sr=1-1&keywords=an+unquiet+mind[/url] Highly recommend reading this for anyone.[/QUOTE] She wrote another book about suicide called Night Falls Fast. It was good reading for me during my darkest times.

I cannot believe I have found this thread after being on facepunch for so long. God bless whoever created it! So I have just been Re-diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety,It started nearly one ago When My dad sadly passed away. My dad literally was my best friend,when I was like 16-17 he got me a fake ID do I could get into clubs! He really was that awesome! A month or so after my dad passed,the spanish goverment (I lived in spain at the time) took my house away as it was in his name. and with the house they then took the family business as that was also in his name. They then took the money that was owed in the bar....Long sotry short I was then Homeless,Jobless and broke within 2 months. So suprise suprise I started to get sick more and more each day almost feeling like butterflies in my stomach 24/7 so I went to the doctor who told me I was suffering from anxiety and depression, I was given pills and they slowly got me back on track after alot of fighting with the anxiety. The one good thing I had was my incredible girlfriend who I was living with, she supported me,got me a new job and generally got me back on my feet and I will forever be in her dept for what she did for me! Fast forward to february this year. My girlfriend gets a phone call offering her the job of a lifetime managing the whole of portugal! were talking big company car,her won building as an office and a 6 figure salary! and ofcourse she took it,I was happy I thought to myself that I could finally live a great life and get a even better job! until she dropped the bomb on me "I want to do this on my own" she says so just like that I had now lost her too. So I decided to go move back to the UK and live and care for my grandad who is now 91. I thought it would be a great thing for me to do. Fast forward to the 5th of february. I sold everything I own apart from my PC and clothes,and I fly over to the UK! First week was difficult,I missed my house,my cats but mainly my (Now ex) girlfriend. Fast forward again to 1 week ago I'm now more settled and used to living in the UK,got a nice room decorated and got all my gadgets and bits and i'm living quite happy. I still kept in contact with my ex as we were still very close friends and she was still getting me through the shit. Then suddenly things get good! I get a call offering me a job in o2,selling phones (I am a massive phone geek) I was elated with it. I started the next day and the job seemed great! nice people nice place and nice pay! Then the shit went down. I finished my first day at work got home and chrissy called me to ask how the day was and to ask me to help her change her facebook password as she got hacked. So I did and we had the usual chat and said we would speak tomorrow later that night just before I go to bed I log into my facebook to check messages. I had a message of a spanish guy sending me some type of dirty talk which I thought was weird...then I realised...I was still in my ex's facebook and she has been speaking to a couple of other guys saying what she "wanted to do to then" I was a dick head and read the messages (I know that was wrong!) so now I cannot breathe im crying panicking and now throwing up all over the place. I could'nt sleep that night,I couldn't stop thinking about what she was doing with other guys,I had been with her for 8 years! and were the closest people in the world and now I got hit with this! Next day I come into my new job for day 2 training and my boss asks whats wrong with me as I look like shit,I explain the story and she tells me that due to my condition and anxiety attacks I cannot work like that so...I have now lost my new job aswell! Yesterday I went to see my doctor who told me I am suffering from now "chronic depression" and anxiety again....great. I am basically miserable 24/7,can bairly sleep,and cannot bring myself to do anything.No talking,No eating,drinking,gaming,etc So Thats my story,I don't really have any friends and no family left so really places like Facepunch,Reddit.etc are the only times I can speak to someone. So if you read this,Sorry if its all messed up (im dyslexic and a rubbish story teller!") If any of you have any tips or advice for me I will will listen to [B]anything[/B] Again thanks for reading and god bless you all!

[QUOTE=elevate;47419883]Anyone here ever get really irritable whenever they skip their medication? I can usually keep my thoughts to myself, and whenever I see myself slipping, I always remember I didn't take my pills that day. I only read the above posts after making this post, and what a coincidence, you're talkng about the same things![/QUOTE] I get really really moody and irritable too, I always assumed it was just me!

[QUOTE=matty928;47420116]I cannot believe I have found this thread after being on facepunch for so long. God bless whoever created it! So I have just been Re-diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety,It started nearly one ago When My dad sadly passed away. My dad literally was my best friend,when I was like 16-17 he got me a fake ID do I could get into clubs! He really was that awesome! A month or so after my dad passed,the spanish goverment (I lived in spain at the time) took my house away as it was in his name. and with the house they then took the family business as that was also in his name. They then took the money that was owed in the bar....Long sotry short I was then Homeless,Jobless and broke within 2 months. So suprise suprise I started to get sick more and more each day almost feeling like butterflies in my stomach 24/7 so I went to the doctor who told me I was suffering from anxiety and depression, I was given pills and they slowly got me back on track after alot of fighting with the anxiety. The one good thing I had was my incredible girlfriend who I was living with, she supported me,got me a new job and generally got me back on my feet and I will forever be in her dept for what she did for me! Fast forward to february this year. My girlfriend gets a phone call offering her the job of a lifetime managing the whole of portugal! were talking big company car,her won building as an office and a 6 figure salary! and ofcourse she took it,I was happy I thought to myself that I could finally live a great life and get a even better job! until she dropped the bomb on me "I want to do this on my own" she says so just like that I had now lost her too. So I decided to go move back to the UK and live and care for my grandad who is now 91. I thought it would be a great thing for me to do. Fast forward to the 5th of february. I sold everything I own apart from my PC and clothes,and I fly over to the UK! First week was difficult,I missed my house,my cats but mainly my (Now ex) girlfriend. Fast forward again to 1 week ago I'm now more settled and used to living in the UK,got a nice room decorated and got all my gadgets and bits and i'm living quite happy. I still kept in contact with my ex as we were still very close friends and she was still getting me through the shit. Then suddenly things get good! I get a call offering me a job in o2,selling phones (I am a massive phone geek) I was elated with it. I started the next day and the job seemed great! nice people nice place and nice pay! Then the shit went down. I finished my first day at work got home and chrissy called me to ask how the day was and to ask me to help her change her facebook password as she got hacked. So I did and we had the usual chat and said we would speak tomorrow later that night just before I go to bed I log into my facebook to check messages. I had a message of a spanish guy sending me some type of dirty talk which I thought was weird...then I realised...I was still in my ex's facebook and she has been speaking to a couple of other guys saying what she "wanted to do to then" I was a dick head and read the messages (I know that was wrong!) so now I cannot breathe im crying panicking and now throwing up all over the place. I could'nt sleep that night,I couldn't stop thinking about what she was doing with other guys,I had been with her for 8 years! and were the closest people in the world and now I got hit with this! Next day I come into my new job for day 2 training and my boss asks whats wrong with me as I look like shit,I explain the story and she tells me that due to my condition and anxiety attacks I cannot work like that so...I have now lost my new job aswell! Yesterday I went to see my doctor who told me I am suffering from now "chronic depression" and anxiety again....great. I am basically miserable 24/7,can bairly sleep,and cannot bring myself to do anything.No talking,No eating,drinking,gaming,etc So Thats my story,I don't really have any friends and no family left so really places like Facepunch,Reddit.etc are the only times I can speak to someone. So if you read this,Sorry if its all messed up (im dyslexic and a rubbish story teller!") If any of you have any tips or advice for me I will will listen to [B]anything[/B] Again thanks for reading and god bless you all![/QUOTE] Your story is fine, it seems that your dyslexia and "rubbish" storytelling only lends to a very personal way of writing. My advice, other than taking comfort in your family and friends, sleeping and eating well and going outside often, is to look into the job you recently lost. It sounds very dubiously legal to fire someone instead of giving them sick leave. Also, are there any support groups you could join? You'd gain therapy and friends via that channel.

[QUOTE=BearsAteMyCat;47422132]Your story is fine, it seems that your dyslexia and "rubbish" storytelling only lends to a very personal way of writing. My advice, other than taking comfort in your family and friends, sleeping and eating well and going outside often, is to look into the job you recently lost. It sounds very dubiously legal to fire someone instead of giving them sick leave. Also, are there any support groups you could join? You'd gain therapy and friends via that channel.[/QUOTE] I just got off the phone with my doctor now and have arranged another appointment with him so I can start to arrange therapy,Family and friends are difficult,I only have my grandad who I am suppose to be caring for and my cousin who has been great to be fair. The reason things went through with the old job was I hadn't officially started yet no contract was signed yet,I was still in training. I live in a little place in somerset where there are not really any support groups here,But places like this make a world of difference,just reading through the thread makes me realise I'm not the only one Thanks for your reply though dude and thanks for reading

I never really thought my anxiety was an actual problem until I let it all spiral. I'm now on interruption of study because it was so bad. Kinda think I let everyone down, I don't know what to do with myself and I am only able to go on the course when occ health deems me fit to practise again, which makes me worry I'll be further behind than I already am. I feel like I am wasting the therapists and my gps time, I hate going to the doctor because I never really have problems yet I've had to do it 4 times this year, previously I'd only go like every other year. Eh, I dunno. If I could just vanish it would be perfect.

[QUOTE=Terminutter;47423085]I never really thought my anxiety was an actual problem until I let it all spiral. I'm now on interruption of study because it was so bad. Kinda think I let everyone down, I don't know what to do with myself and I am only able to go on the course when occ health deems me fit to practise again, which makes me worry I'll be further behind than I already am. I feel like I am wasting the therapists and my gps time, I hate going to the doctor because I never really have problems yet I've had to do it 4 times this year, previously I'd only go like every other year. Eh, I dunno. If I could just vanish it would be perfect.[/QUOTE] I completely understand how you're feeling, but you haven't let anyone down and you aren't wasting anyone's time. You're health is just as important as everyone else's be it mental or otherwise. Don't let those things stop you from getting the help you need. I let things get ontop of me because I didn't think I was worth anyone's time and I just got a lot worse, but I learnt to realise that I'm just as important as anyone else, hopefully one day you will. I hope you feel better soon and can continue your studies, don't let that stuff worry you and focus on getting better! If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me :)

Thanks! Yeah, I know my health is important and it's the reason I'm off. Fortunately my uni has counselling, my GP took action too, and my lecturers have been amazing. Just feel a tad down when my friends are doing so well and I kinda feel left out. I decided I'd go and make a lemon drizzle cake and cook dinner and such since my parents have been so supportive and it's something I'm happy while doing. Still need to oven the shepherd's pie but oh well. [URL="http://imgur.com/J2veXCs,QrS8MFt#0"]Not the prettiest but tasty! [/URL]

Looks good! I find that cooking really calms me so whenever I'm at a low point I cook myself a nice meal. Anything to help keep your mood up! Understandable that you'd feel left out but so long as you remember it's for a good reason it'll be fine :smile:

I'm fucking done I give up I can't stand this fucking uni any longer

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47431202]I'm fucking done I give up I can't stand this fucking uni any longer[/QUOTE] If you don't mind me asking, what's wrong? Need to vent?

[QUOTE=Terminutter;47431664]If you don't mind me asking, what's wrong? Need to vent?[/QUOTE] I don't have any motivation for anything any more, I wake up - I check my phone, I go to my computer, open up the programs I work on and then that's it for the rest of the day, nothing changes. I can't find any motivation to continue and find myself distracted every 1-10 minutes because I cannot stand working on the piece of shit which is my project. Nothing fucking changes any more, I find peace in sleeping since nothing happens - so why be awake for it? I don't feel like anyone cares about me, even my friends, and they really shouldn't have to care because I'm not their problem. They're all doing so much better than me, they have their shit together, and I can't even wake up before midday. Nothing feels like working for at this point. Why would I also want to go into an industry that treats you like shit? I don't want to work 9-5 and travel to some stupid fucking building and just sit on my ass, y'know? I (used to) love doing what I do but I just don't like the environment which surrounds it. I'd rather just be free to do what I want, when I want and not have to care about anything.

Fuck yeah got a tattoo and its the best damn therapy ever. Gotta love pushing yourself to the point of passing out due to the amount of pain you're in. Since then I've feel fucking amazing. It even lead to the voices in my head telling me I'm too strong and there leaving. So far they haven't returned still hallucationate a lot though.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47432112]I don't have any motivation for anything any more, I wake up - I check my phone, I go to my computer, open up the programs I work on and then that's it for the rest of the day, nothing changes. I can't find any motivation to continue and find myself distracted every 1-10 minutes because I cannot stand working on the piece of shit which is my project. Nothing fucking changes any more, I find peace in sleeping since nothing happens - so why be awake for it? I don't feel like anyone cares about me, even my friends, and they really shouldn't have to care because I'm not their problem. They're all doing so much better than me, they have their shit together, and I can't even wake up before midday. Nothing feels like working for at this point. Why would I also want to go into an industry that treats you like shit? I don't want to work 9-5 and travel to some stupid fucking building and just sit on my ass, y'know? I (used to) love doing what I do but I just don't like the environment which surrounds it. I'd rather just be free to do what I want, when I want and not have to care about anything.[/QUOTE] Do you have much time left before graduation? When I was in your situation once, pretty much everyone told me to go through with it anyway just to get the qualifications, and I'm kinda glad I listened to them. It sucks, but it sucks even more to jeopardize everything you've done up until this point. I would try your best to get through it and find pleasure wherever you can until its finally finished and over with.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47432112]I don't have any motivation for anything any more, I wake up - I check my phone, I go to my computer, open up the programs I work on and then that's it for the rest of the day, nothing changes. I can't find any motivation to continue and find myself distracted every 1-10 minutes because I cannot stand working on the piece of shit which is my project. Nothing fucking changes any more, I find peace in sleeping since nothing happens - so why be awake for it? I don't feel like anyone cares about me, even my friends, and they really shouldn't have to care because I'm not their problem. They're all doing so much better than me, they have their shit together, and I can't even wake up before midday. Nothing feels like working for at this point. Why would I also want to go into an industry that treats you like shit? I don't want to work 9-5 and travel to some stupid fucking building and just sit on my ass, y'know? I (used to) love doing what I do but I just don't like the environment which surrounds it. I'd rather just be free to do what I want, when I want and not have to care about anything.[/QUOTE] Going to school is probably better than sitting in your room being depressed. You need something to occupy your mind.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47432112]I don't have any motivation for anything any more, I wake up - I check my phone, I go to my computer, open up the programs I work on and then that's it for the rest of the day, nothing changes. I can't find any motivation to continue and find myself distracted every 1-10 minutes because I cannot stand working on the piece of shit which is my project. Nothing fucking changes any more, I find peace in sleeping since nothing happens - so why be awake for it? I don't feel like anyone cares about me, even my friends, and they really shouldn't have to care because I'm not their problem. They're all doing so much better than me, they have their shit together, and I can't even wake up before midday. Nothing feels like working for at this point. Why would I also want to go into an industry that treats you like shit? I don't want to work 9-5 and travel to some stupid fucking building and just sit on my ass, y'know? I (used to) love doing what I do but I just don't like the environment which surrounds it. I'd rather just be free to do what I want, when I want and not have to care about anything.[/QUOTE] I felt like that for a while, if you have a place in uni to study try and make the effort to get up earlier and go into uni and be around people, that really helped me feel better

i cant find a way to word this without sounding edgy as all hell, but whatever. i stopped taking my adhd meds a while ago because they made me feel like absolute shit, but im starting to take them again because i almost enjoy that they make me feel like something. for a while now, ive just felt so apathetic and emotionless about everything that its really comforting in a strange sense to feel something, even if its not a good feeling. i really hope this doesnt lead to abuse or anything bad like that.

[QUOTE=literal;47433031]I felt like that for a while, if you have a place in uni to study try and make the effort to get up earlier and go into uni and be around people, that really helped me feel better[/QUOTE] Aye, the biggest issue I have is our labs run outdated software to the ones I use at home, I'll find some way of doing it though. I think I went through a mild anxiety attack or something, but I'm feeling better now.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47433753]Aye, the biggest issue I have is our labs run outdated software to the ones I use at home, I'll find some way of doing it though. I think I went through a mild anxiety attack or something, but I'm feeling better now.[/QUOTE] A place to vent is always helpful. However if problems persist, I would see your college counselor.

[QUOTE=elevate;47433838]A place to vent is always helpful. However if problems persist, I would see your college counselor.[/QUOTE] Already been, helped me a shitload and I had a really good week, then things started slipping after that, gradually - not as much as last time. This is the worst it's been since last semester - The idea of failing this project is getting to me way too much.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47433860]Already been, helped me a shitload and I had a really good week, then things started slipping after that, gradually - not as much as last time. This is the worst it's been since last semester - The idea of failing this project is getting to me way too much.[/QUOTE] Just study as much as you can, if you're in college and you're a first year student, find a second year one, that you know has a reputation of being a smart one, and talk to them, and try and get their opinion of their work, or ask to see one of theirs. Alternatively, if it's something that is mentioned on here, you could always post on here and ask for ideas off of some users?

[QUOTE=CommitSudoku;47433990]Just study as much as you can, if you're in college and you're a first year student, find a second year one, that you know has a reputation of being a smart one, and talk to them, and try and get their opinion of their work, or ask to see one of theirs. Alternatively, if it's something that is mentioned on here, you could always post on here and ask for ideas off of some users?[/QUOTE] I actually dropped my work into the 3D thread and I've gotten quite a bit of feedback, the scene needs constant refining (and it will) but I need to stop being so overly critical of my stuff and accept it's not going to look good until I get better. That, and comparing myself to other projects (ones that aren't realtime and can utilise a fuckload of resources) - that's the thing that really hurts.

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;47434000]I actually dropped my work into the 3D thread and I've gotten quite a bit of feedback, the scene needs constant refining (and it will) but I need to stop being so overly critical of my stuff and accept it's not going to look good until I get better. That, and comparing myself to other projects (ones that aren't realtime and can utilise a fuckload of resources) - that's the thing that really hurts.[/QUOTE] The only thing that you can do really is something I do myself, take a look at the other students in your class, and look at the standard of their work. From that take a look at your own work, if you feel as though there are a lot more things that you're doing that are better, surely your project will have some sort of written text section towards it as well as the modelling itself? Talk to your college tutor about how you're feeling, and make sure that you're clued up on any resources that are available to you, from college. If you write a lot about the modelling itself, and look at the techniques that you've used within the modelling itself, and write about why it was that you used these things, and why you think that these are effective methods, etc. The person that's marking your work will notice these things.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;47420030]She wrote another book about suicide called Night Falls Fast. It was good reading for me during my darkest times.[/QUOTE] Thanks a lot for sharing, I definitely have to check it out. Glad it helped though! I don't suffer from any major depression or anything but I definitely liked An Unquiet Mind. That kind of stuff can be applicable to anyone, some more so than others.

[QUOTE=zacht_180;47434423]Thanks a lot for sharing, I definitely have to check it out. Glad it helped though! I don't suffer from any major depression or anything but I definitely liked An Unquiet Mind. That kind of stuff can be applicable to anyone, some more so than others.[/QUOTE] I think I'll check both of them books out at some point.

I think I'm losing it, I thought I was coming out of it, but the difficult things are still difficult. I don't think I'll be able to do all the things in my life that I want to do. I'm not intelligent or patient enough to achieve my goals. I think I'm destined to be a waste of space who has archived all of nothing and has nothing to show. And I wish people would stop waving their success and relationships in my face. You can bet if there was a drug to put me in a some sort of made up dream world, I'd just want to stay there forever. Reality sucks.

I don't exactly know how to function right now. I was prescribed anti-depressants, and it's like...all of my insecurities and paranoia is just brought front and center. I'm lonely and I don't know who I can talk to. I feel like a huge screw-up; the drugs aren't supposed to do any actual good for another month so I'm stuck with side effects and depression x2 until then. I know why I try, I just don't know if it's worth this.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47437497]I think I'm losing it, I thought I was coming out of it, but the difficult things are still difficult. I don't think I'll be able to do all the things in my life that I want to do. I'm not intelligent or patient enough to achieve my goals. I think I'm destined to be a waste of space who has archived all of nothing and has nothing to show. And I wish people would stop waving their success and relationships in my face. You can bet if there was a drug to put me in a some sort of made up dream world, I'd just want to stay there forever. Reality sucks.[/QUOTE] Hey man, sent you a friend request on Steam if you ever want to talk. I'm here for any of you guys.

My health went back to dogshit and I'm wondering if this is still worth it. Was a good 2 months of not feeling like death though.