Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=CommitSudoku;47472145]Just tell them exactly that, and they'll be able to get you some information, and help you find out what it is that's tickin' in your noggin'.[/QUOTE]thanks man i'll be sure to do that

I'm up at 4:00 AM today because I live in a dysfunctional family in which my inconsiderate brother comes home late and plays video games while yelling and laughing like it's early in the afternoon and my father doesn't do much. Not to mention I'm working today, oh boy. 11:00 - 12:30: Think about going to sleep, thoughts consume the idea of sleep therefore i get none 12:50 - 5:00 AM: people are awake and make a shit ton of noise

Finally got around to accepting that I have a problem. Gonna get back to going to the doctor and starting therapy again. Spent the longest time fighting it and saying no its just because this that and the other thing. Which were all just delusions I wanted to believe so I wouldn't accept that I had a problem. I'm just tired of living like this. All the being accused of being on drugs and that I've done this that. I became what everyone saw me as. Then I thought I had it all when I got a girl but that was just a abusive relationship that drove me even more down. Had some good old stockholm syndrome. Which I just know now. I pushed away all the people trying to help me. After that relationship I developed a very nasty drug addiction. Which I started working on after I ended up in a psych ward. Which I'm just now putting an end to it. Even when I'm sober people still think I'm high and no one listens when I tell them I haven't done a certain drug they just go you are lying. It sucks that no one will even listen when I tell the truth. I get shunned by everyone now because of it. I just wish someone would listen to me and not just throw me aside. They know I'm mentally ill. Which I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Most people I know of this. However I don't think its that, pretty sure I'm bipolar based on the symptoms and the drugs that they put me on after the psych ward. Any SSRI they ever put me on didn't fix the depression it just drove me manic as fuck. Which I tend to have switches between massive depression then I'm on top of the world I can take on anything. Which I think they only reason they took me off the drugs was because I was still in denial. I have no idea what is going to happen next I just don't want to live like this anymore. Even right now I want to cry by all I can do is smile and feel up. My only question now is do I want to force myself to sleep or just go with the flow and stay up all night for no bloody reason. For anyone feeling really down to the point of something really depressing can push you over the edge do not listen to this. On the flip side this is what finally got me to accept my problem. The real nasty part starts at about 1:05 into it which is what made me go holy shit. The first half is interesting and gives some insight to the state of mind he is in now. The second half is very intense and will most likely bring you to tears. It's the part that helped me though so hopefully it helps you do. Just remember you're not alone in this. [video=youtube;_mnOgjJwO14]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mnOgjJwO14[/video]

christ, what a fucking scumbag

Dropped out of school four months before graduation, couldn't do the work because of crippling anxiety and panic attacks. Depression got even worse. It's amazing how quickly people turn on you once you've fallen off the path to economic productiveness. Your family, friends, all give you up as soon as you're not useful any more. Makes me feel even more broken. Feels like the world wants me gone.

I feel like an unfunny joke and don't even know why.

Nevermind

We should all play some TF2 together, sometime.

Been on the sertraline for a few months now. Dosage got put up from 50mg to 100mg. They're doing fuck-all. Still got no motivation to do anything other than watch Netflix all day.

[QUOTE=st_nick5;47482504]Been on the sertraline for a few months now. Dosage got put up from 50mg to 100mg. They're doing fuck-all. Still got no motivation to do anything other than watch Netflix all day.[/QUOTE] remember that they're not meant to fix your problems by simply taking them, you need to mix it with doing stuff that'll help, break out of bad routines, etc. I like to look at anti depressants as support scaffolding for a building. sure, you could probably make a building without them, but they do help a ton. that's pretty much how anti depressants work too, you could get better without them but medication will in most cases make it easier than without. if you only take meds without doing anything, it'd be the same as setting up support scaffolding for a building then let it be and hope it builds itself.

none of my friends or family know about my suicidal thoughts and attempts

I don't trust anybody or anything. I have really bad problems trusting anything lately. [editline]8th April 2015[/editline] I feel like everything is out to get me

I don't really post in these type of thread but I've lurked for a long time. I have always kept my feelings to myself, I've never been comfortable expressing them. But I don't really have anyone in my life I can talk to, so a semi-anonymous internet messageboard will have to do. Two years ago I was horribly depressed for the longest time. I felt like the people I valued the most pushed me away, my friends lost all interest in me and whenever I would reach out I quickly became the butt of every joke. I had to re-sit a year of High School but I decided to drop it all together and dropped out in may 2013. And since then I've isolated myself more and more, after I left High School I cut all connection I had with 90% of my friends that I considered toxic. I de-activated my Facebook account and I only have three friends left in the world, but I feel like those relationships are coming to and end and that terrifies me. Since I left High School I have felt that my life has been in a standstill, everyone around me are surpassing me in everything. I'm currently participating in High School courses online, to get my diploma, but I'm still two years away from finishing. I guess starting University at 23 isn't a big deal. The last month has been the best month for as long as I can remember. I started exercising daily, something I've never done before. I see myself improving day by day and it's exhilarating, I've gotten more interested in leveling myself up rather than my World of Warcraft toon. I hope to start going to the gym regularly in a few weeks and begin weightlifting, if the social anxiety doesn't kill me. But I've already ordered new gym clothes so I don't really have a choice.

Had a therapy session. Told her about how I get a bit upset over comments online and she basically said "I don't understand how you can get offended over comments online" rip. I suppose she's right, I shouldn't get upset but it's honestly hard not to especially if they're incredibly personal. I shared some examples of what people have done and said and just said "yeah those guys has disorders". Seems really bad to be simplifying it to "yeah they're fucked up" but she's the professional here. I also told her that I have about 1000 hours logged in a game ive been playing for 2 years and her reaction was "OH DEAR". She's blunt but she helps. Also honestly a lot of people have been messaging me asking if they would like to talk to me, I haven't responded to because I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to take a compliment, advice, or anything friendly (this has caused some people to go apeshit at me in the past I should really start acknowledging these)

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;47485060]Had a therapy session. Told her about how I get a bit upset over comments online and she basically said "I don't understand how you can get offended over comments online" rip. I suppose she's right, I shouldn't get upset but it's honestly hard not to especially if they're incredibly personal. I shared some examples of what people have done and said and just said "yeah those guys has disorders". Seems really bad to be simplifying it to "yeah they're fucked up" but she's the professional here. I also told her that I have about 1000 hours logged in a game ive been playing for 2 years and her reaction was "OH DEAR". She's blunt but she helps. Also honestly a lot of people have been messaging me asking if they would like to talk to me, I haven't responded to because I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to take a compliment, advice, or anything friendly (this has caused some people to go apeshit at me in the past I should really start acknowledging these)[/QUOTE] A thousand hours over the course of two years is really not THAT bad. I know some people who make that number seem like a tear drop in the sea. I'm sorry to hear that your therapist reacted like that, although what she said should certainly be considered. If the content that you post online is personal and heartfelt, then it would certainly be difficult to not feel at least somewhat upset over criticisms or even trollish insults. I would argue it's extremely important to understand what it means to differentiate comments that are sincere criticisms, and ones that are trolling with the intention of hurting feelings.

My friends are cunts, they just use me for shit and talk shit behind my back so much, I went to a friend's last night and I stepped out for some air, I heard the biggest asshole, who I also thought as a close friend, literally screaming shit about me to everyone, I guess he wanted me to heard it from outside? But the problem is I am almost finished my first year at college and I have made literally no friends, I have barely talked to the people in my class, how pathetic is that. Everyone has formed friend circles and I think there is a class Facebook chat that everyone is in, but I'm not of course. I bet they all talk shit about me just like my friends do. Everything sucks right now and I don't have the energy to do anything about it, I just want to lie down and let life beat me to death

I've spent the majority of the day snoozing in the library. I woke up feeling really down but that subsided as soon as I got to the gym and ran a couple of miles and did some deadlifts. My only real predicament at this point is spending as much time as I possibly can out of my parents house. I feel really strange energies living there, energies that I know I have never felt before. The desire to leave and be at my own place is irresistible, however finding work that pays enough to put a roof over your head is impossible without a degree or certification. It brings me so much pain and despair to return home after a long day of work and classes to have my parents barking at me to work harder, put more hours into school and studying, and work more diligently to find my own living quarters. Living in New Jersey in my mid-twenties is extremely hard. Everything and everyone is so competitive and I really struggle to keep up. I struggle motivating myself to do classwork and homework because I really feel that there isn't any correlation between the work I'm currently doing and the job(s) I'll be working later down the line. I am really considering dropping my educational career and community college and moving to trade school where I can get more 'hands on' experience. So many of my equally aged friends are in the same situation. All very smart and sociable people living with their parents, unsure how of to create a life of their own. I used to grow up thinking that I could be a doctor or an astronaut and things like that, but I've really come to accept that I probably won't ever make it that far. I don't have a persecution complex, and my parents are wrong in the notion that I'm deliberately trying to make things harder for myself. I just don't believe the path to a better life is as clear-cut and obvious as they think it is. I've really been putting consideration into relocating to a trade school for welding/metal working where I could perhaps get a job or internship while simultaneously working towards a certification of some sort. [editline]8th April 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Tacooo;47485190]My friends are cunts, they just use me for shit and talk shit behind my back so much, I went to a friend's last night and I stepped out for some air, I heard the biggest asshole, who I also thought as a close friend, literally screaming shit about me to everyone, I guess he wanted me to heard it from outside? But the problem is I am almost finished my first year at college and I have made literally no friends, I have barely talked to the people in my class, how pathetic is that. Everyone has formed friend circles and I think there is a class Facebook chat that everyone is in, but I'm not of course. I bet they all talk shit about me just like my friends do. Everything sucks right now and I don't have the energy to do anything about it, I just want to lie down and let life beat me to death[/QUOTE] I'm sorry to hear that man. Whoever was talking about you like that was just being a jerk. Try to spend some time doing whatever it is that takes the burden away. I promise that being idle is only going to make your feelings worse. Even something as simple as a walk through your neighborhood, saying hello to everyone that passes by can have a positive effect.

Well, i don't usually post a lot on fp... but i like to read your posts because sometimes it reassures me that i'm not the only one to go through troubles... but the last few days brought me really down. I made my coming out to my mom and felt very ashamed because of her very surprised reaction. I also dropped out of college for the second time because i felt like i'm unable to learn anything and to plan my future. I'm 23, still living with my parents, made a suicide attempt last year. I don't really have a lot of friends thanks to my asocial behavior. Taking a lot of medication to sleep all day so i can stop thinking about my miserable life. Plus addiction to painkillers due to permanent headaches. I think i will end up in a hospital soon if i keep on going that way. Well, posting here kinda helped me a bit, you know, let go the bad things of your mind. Sorry, for this long and (boring) post, i'll keep reading yours dear facepunchers.

[QUOTE=arthurisfine;47486529]Well, i don't usually post a lot on fp... but i like to read your posts because sometimes it reassures me that i'm not the only one to go through troubles... but the last few days brought me really down. I made my coming out to my mom and felt very ashamed because of her very surprised reaction. I also dropped out of college for the second time because i felt like i'm unable to learn anything and to plan my future. I'm 23, still living with my parents, made a suicide attempt last year. I don't really have a lot of friends thanks to my asocial behavior. Taking a lot of medication to sleep all day so i can stop thinking about my miserable life. Plus addiction to painkillers due to permanent headaches. I think i will end up in a hospital soon if i keep on going that way. Well, posting here kinda helped me a bit, you know, let go the bad things of your mind. Sorry, for this long and (boring) post, i'll keep reading yours dear facepunchers.[/QUOTE] That's rough. I'm sorry things suck for you right now. I'm glad at least that this thread can give you some comfort. I know it might not feel like it, but every day that you live is a victory.

I want to die just so i can ask whatever god that's watching over us and ask "Why?" I just can't die. Even though I hate my parents I just can't make them go through the pain of death.

Just figured out the 5 stages of me having a breakdown. Anger Sadness Hatred Carelessness Motivation [editline]8th April 2015[/editline] Why did I post this. I guess I must be in the carelessness stage because just a moment ago I was thinking like an edgelord.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;47485060]Also honestly a lot of people have been messaging me asking if they would like to talk to me, I haven't responded to because I just don't know what to say. I don't know how to take a compliment, advice, or anything friendly (this has caused some people to go apeshit at me in the past I should really start acknowledging these)[/QUOTE] Look man, if you need somebody to talk to, just try and open up with one of us who've sent you messages. As for me, I'm the last person who'll take offense at anything you might say if you start talking with me. I was in the same boat as you, and I know what it feels like. Even if you dont know how to take compliments or even somebody saying something to you, it's not going to stop us trying to do what we can for you in our way. As always, I wouldn't mind if you spoke to me.

Things are starting to feel worse for me and I don't know what's the cause for the problem. I've been losing my motivation in everything, my appetite has gone to shit, i have problems sleeping and i don't feel like going out with friends. However, I continue to do all my regular things. (go to the gym, hang out with friends etc) but i always feel empty and unsatisfied. It's like i'm pretending to be okay. Anybody know how do i deal with it?

I have a severe amount of anxiety and stress at the moment. With me going into my new job at the end of the month, with me having to do shit load of work for my current job and having no idea what the fuck im doing and all the preassure being on me for it... Also recent issues have occured too with conflicted feelings. I actually feel like im about to explode. I'm feeling naucious, going bed early, constantly feel tired, very agitated, i can't sit still and my brain is so scattered, im also starting to get head aches. What is that a sign of?

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;47487419]Just figured out the 5 stages of me having a breakdown. [editline]8th April 2015[/editline] Why did I post this. I guess I must be in the carelessness stage because just a moment ago I was thinking like an edgelord.[/QUOTE] I should really be taking you serious, but the ending of that killed me.. :v:

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;47487442]Look man, if you need somebody to talk to, just try and open up with one of us who've sent you messages. As for me, I'm the last person who'll take offense at anything you might say if you start talking with me. I was in the same boat as you, and I know what it feels like. Even if you dont know how to take compliments or even somebody saying something to you, it's not going to stop us trying to do what we can for you in our way. As always, I wouldn't mind if you spoke to me.[/QUOTE] Might as well. Nothing bad will probably happen.

For the last 3 months I've felt the most depressed I've ever felt. I keep thinking about death. Two years ago I felt deep sadness when my mother died, but i think it was a more natural response to bereavement, it was a different type of unhappiness. Now I feel like im now in a bleaker place and very alone.

I know what I want to do in my life and I'm working on it. I have the motivation. If I work hard I know I can do it. I think this is the first time I really enjoy doing something and that's cooking.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47490919]I know what I want to do in my life and I'm working on it. I have the motivation. If I work hard I know I can do it. I think this is the first time I really enjoy doing something and that's cooking.[/QUOTE] That's awesome, man! I've been feeling like such a blank lately when it comes to that sort of thing. I don't know what I enjoy doing beyond playing games and that's only an escape, something I don't have to feel anxious about. I still have over a week to go before my therapist/psychiatrist/other people say the medication should start having positive effects. Until then, my anxiety seems to be getting worse on it and I just freak out about everything. I hate it. Being insecure about things most people get over in grade school is so bad.

I used to be really depressed a few years ago, suicidal every day. Looking back on it I had good reason to be. I was a fat kid with no m8s who used to get picked on regularly. After a few years I decided I had enough, I lost weight, started going out more, made friends, dressed well, took up weightlifting. Now I'm in college studying engineering, I play american football and I'm going to try competing in weightlifting next year, I've got a broad circle of m8s from home, from my course and from from football. Despite all this for for several hours a day I still lie in bed feeling like I'm a failure, that I fuck up every opportunity I'm given, that any success is just luck and that I should just end it all. I've been like this almost a month now, but before that I had a few months where I was really good, and few before that where I was bad. It seems to come in cycles and its completely out of my control. I've no reason to be this depressed but I still am. I dont know why I'm posting this tbh, I never tell anyone this shit because it doesnt feel like anyone can help.