Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=cathal6606;47491640]I dont know why I'm posting this tbh, I never tell anyone this shit because it doesnt feel like anyone can help.[/QUOTE] I feel like this a lot of the time too but, sometimes it can really help to know people care, regardless if they can do anything more than just listen.

I'm trying to write a novel. depression is a fucking hell of a ride when you're trying to write ._.

I've kind of had suicidal thoughts and nights where I tell myself I want to die since I was 12. But I think this is really the first time where I mean it. The girl I love decided (probably rightfully) that I wasn't worth it and I just don't see any reason to keep living. I'm finding myself less and less scared to end it and that doesn't even bother me. It's been this way for maybe a week. I haven't been keeping track. I don't sleep much, and never at night, so everything seems to flow together. Nothing feels worth doing. I don't think anything else will bring me the happiness she did. But I had to fuck that up, because of course I did. I don't know what to do.

[QUOTE=AeroSinthetic;47493827]I've kind of had suicidal thoughts and nights where I tell myself I want to die since I was 12. But I think this is really the first time where I mean it. The girl I love decided (probably rightfully) that I wasn't worth it and I just don't see any reason to keep living. I'm finding myself less and less scared to end it and that doesn't even bother me. It's been this way for maybe a week. I haven't been keeping track. I don't sleep much, and never at night, so everything seems to flow together. Nothing feels worth doing. I don't think anything else will bring me the happiness she did. But I had to fuck that up, because of course I did. I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] Ask for help. You are in a dangerous place.

Got a telephone job interview in a couple of hours. Feel physically sick from the anxiety.

I dont know why I drink and smoke. I dont smoke during the day but I drink when I get home and I have a couple of smokes before I go to bed. I know its as easy as dont do it but I cant help myself. I have onsets of depression that come and go every couple of weeks and then I feel super confident and energetic and I feel like nothing is going to bring me down but I still drink during the up times and I dont know why.

Interview done. It actually went really well.

My uncle and father asked me what I've been up to and if I wanted to hang out with them at some point. I haven't seen them in nearly 2 weeks. Last I spoke with my dad, we kinda fell out. He has the tendency to tell me to snap out of it/be happy most of the time and it makes me feel worse. I told them I've been busy. Right now I have this indecisive feeling that's making me feel awkward as hell. It's like I kinda want to see them but I feel like I'll do something wrong and make them angry again. Every time I've done stuff with them, it's always fun, but I'm scared in case I end up being a mopey dick towards them and I ruin the whole day for them like last time.

todays my parents anniversary, and my siblings all wanted to go to lunch (separate from my parents, of course) because of it. i feel uncomfortable in public, and i wasnt goddamn strong enough today to power through those feelings of apprehension to do something as fucking easy as eating lunch with my siblings. thats fucking dumb, yo

I got nothing anymore. My mom passed away last week. I have no parents anymore. I don't have many friends. I'm unattractive. What is there to keep me going anymore?

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;47497571]I got nothing anymore. My mom passed away last week. I have no parents anymore. I don't have many friends. I'm unattractive. What is there to keep me going anymore?[/QUOTE] You'll find hobbies! and you and friends here i promise. also you have a great name/icon combo on facepunch so you got that going for you

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;47497571]I got nothing anymore. My mom passed away last week. I have no parents anymore. I don't have many friends. I'm unattractive. What is there to keep me going anymore?[/QUOTE] The friends you do have is good a reason enough is it not; and attractiveness is entirely subjective don't let it get you down. It's quality over quantity when it comes to friends, it's a very broad description yes but one good friend is better than 5 so-called friends, you'll know who they are, the ones that are genuine. Heck I would consider my online friends as genuine and as trustworthy as the ones I know and see outside of the internet, which may or may not be your situation.

How do you cope with never seeing a friend again? We've lost contact after high school and I can't seem to get over it.

-snip- [editline]11th April 2015[/editline] I gotta stop posting in here and keep shit to myself

I can't forgive myself for things I've said and done in the past even though those effected have. It's one hell of a weight and it keeps cycling in my mind as questions such as "why have they forgiven me" "why do they continue to be friends with me" I feel almost unworthy of their trust and respect but I'm too pussy to talk about it to them for fear of digging up things that shouldn't really be dug back up, sure they may have even forgotten but I can'. Even if it was my doing and it was me who was that as asshole that caused them suffering.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;47498965]-snip- [editline]11th April 2015[/editline] I gotta stop posting in here and keep shit to myself[/QUOTE] That's what it's here for though; if you have to say it, bottling it up isn't going to help at all. Can always PM if you need to as well. [QUOTE=Thomo_UK;47499566]I can't forgive myself for things I've said and done in the past even though those effected have. It's one hell of a weight and it keeps cycling in my mind as questions such as "why have they forgiven me" "why do they continue to be friends with me" I feel almost unworthy of their trust and respect but I'm too pussy to talk about it to them for fear of digging up things that shouldn't really be dug back up, sure they may have even forgotten but I can'. Even if it was my doing and it was me who was that as asshole that caused them suffering.[/QUOTE] That's not you, that's depression. It drags you down into internalizing things about yourself that aren't true. The fact that they forgave you can be proof enough; but being depressed means it's harder to like yourself, and harder to believe that other people can like you. Depression is stupid like that.

i plan on ending it sunday and don't know how to spend tomorrow (saturday). i think im just gonna do nothing all day. i already came to the realization that im going to die today, so i think im ready i just don't know how to spend the time waiting for it

[QUOTE=lope;47501396]i plan on ending it sunday and don't know how to spend tomorrow (saturday). i think im just gonna do nothing all day. i already came to the realization that im going to die today, so i think im ready i just don't know how to spend the time waiting for it[/QUOTE] dont do itf

[QUOTE=Gar;47499712]That's what it's here for though; if you have to say it, bottling it up isn't going to help at all. Can always PM if you need to as well. That's not you, that's depression. It drags you down into internalizing things about yourself that aren't true. The fact that they forgave you can be proof enough; but being depressed means it's harder to like yourself, and harder to believe that other people can like you. Depression is stupid like that.[/QUOTE] If I can atleast talk about it to them, it would help, but thank you

anybody here know how much mg of alprazolam (xanax) will cause unconsciousness?

i move closly to you ear dont... kill... urself

[QUOTE=lope;47507084]anybody here know how much mg of alprazolam (xanax) will cause unconsciousness?[/QUOTE] You do not want to do that. If you really want to know go to a hospital and ask them what it will take.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;47487419]Just figured out the 5 stages of me having a breakdown. Anger Sadness Hatred Carelessness Motivation [editline]8th April 2015[/editline] Why did I post this. I guess I must be in the carelessness stage because just a moment ago I was thinking like an edgelord.[/QUOTE] Well you have a sense of humour, so hang onto that positive

[QUOTE=lope;47507084]anybody here know how much mg of alprazolam (xanax) will cause unconsciousness?[/QUOTE] Dude Seriously, don't do it

Starting to worry about my future. Specifically life after living with my parents. I don't want to be alone, I need people around me in order for me to stay sane. I've been sheltered for nearly all my life. Couldn't leave my street until I was 11, curfews at 6 when I was 12. When puberty hit I had no friends to hang out with so basically my free time was shitposting on facepunch or playing video games. I get anxiety over the thought of having a job, I get anxiety over the thought of not having enough money to survive. For instance I have no health plan because I'm not a contributing member of society, this is when I need it most.

Just had a huge relationship bomb dropped on me Wish I didn't exist

Having one of those "useless cunt who can't do anything right" days

[QUOTE=lope;47501396]i plan on ending it sunday and don't know how to spend tomorrow (saturday). i think im just gonna do nothing all day. i already came to the realization that im going to die today, so i think im ready i just don't know how to spend the time waiting for it[/QUOTE] You want to end it to relieve the pain you're feeling right? Have you tried antidepressants? If you're going to stop living you might as well try other methods of solving the same problem first, not like it would hurt anything. Try everything you can before resorting to something so permanent.

I feel so drained. I wish I had a friend or two, that'd be great. something to spend my time on. everything feels so meaningless, it's hard to gather the energy to start with something and devote time to it. I want to sign out of the ward, but I know it's a bad idea. what am I to do without the ward? not like anything would change. what help is the ward of now anyway? it almost feels like they don't have the education to deal with a case like mine. I'd have never thought it'd evolve beyond depression and anxiety. I don't think much of depression or anxiety, they don't feel like a problem anymore but they are. everything would have meaning if I weren't depressed, and I would function socially if it wasn't for the anxiety. it's all over shadowed by that detachment from reality. it has made my anxiety a lot worse while I've been busy using energy just to figure out if what's in front of me is real or not. it's surprising how much energy I actually have to use just to make sure I don't completely lose it. I had a pretty scary visual hallucination the other day. I've experienced it before, but that day was different. I'd be able to tell if stuff was real or not despite for the hallucinations, but I had two instances where I was not able to tell it wasn't real. one was a bottle cap smoking for some odd reason. I was really confused because I knew that wasn't supposed to happen, and eventually it disappeared. it wasn't too bad or scary, but it was odd. the second experience was freakier. I was eating dinner with the ward and suddenly these dots on the dish mats became small pools of lava or something else which had me freaking out for a split second until it returned to what it actually was, just a few dots. the concept of existing sounds so odd. how can you be alive? I don't feel alive, I don't know what I feel like I am. I mean, I know I am me, but it doesn't feel like I'm me. I'm not sure what I feel like I am, probably not a good idea to feel for it either. this entire thing has changed me I feel. I don't feel the same things, my perspective of things has changed, my attitude has changed. I'm no longer that praised, socially outwards guy who is the guy who usually makes stuff happen at the ward. I'm no longer where it happens. I'm sitting by myself instead, with a strong lust to keep isolating myself. I long home, I want to be more home but what does that do for my situation. I'm usually looking for solutions and I'm usually willing to do what it takes to try to fix my situation, or at least I feel that way. either way, that has completely changed as of late. I still want to fix stuff and I wish I knew how, even a little step towards the right direction would do, but how do you fix this? how am I supposed to fix this detachment from reality? with depression and anxiety, it's easy. you expose yourself to situations that give you anxiety, you break out of bad routines with depression, you do varying things, etc. this detachment from reality I'm experiencing? how does one remove something like that? I feel helpless with all of my other problems since this detachment from reality is already sucking all energy out of me. if I don't focus, I lose it and hallucinations start popping up. then there's the possibility that this thing will never disappear. that I'll always suffer from this detachment. I've been told I'll be given a "course" on how to live with the disorder which I hope will help, but I can't tell at this point as obviously I haven't had it. I hope at one point that I'll be able to divert energy away from this issue without losing it so I can focus on other stuff. do stuff that makes me happy, focus on social relations, maybe work again, etc.

Help a friend out with something that's got him down lately or do my school work, especially if it's due tomorrow.. I'd rather not lose a friend since it sounded like he was a little suicidal.