Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

The problem about math/any kind of the school subject is that you need someone who can clearly explain to you specifically. You might need a tutor.

[QUOTE={TFS} Rock Su;47564543]The problem about math/any kind of the school subject is that you need someone who can clearly explain to you specifically. You might need a tutor.[/QUOTE] I've had a tutor, she didn't help.

I fuck everything up why do I even bother

And now my assignment in health class is to do some stupid bullshit about emotions. Yeah, that'll work for the girl who can't understand how she feels 90% of the time, let alone describe in depth her thought processes [editline]20th April 2015[/editline] I just want to give up on this school program I'm doing and get a GED so I can get a job and save up to move the fuck out of my parent's place, but logically I need to stay because it'll give me college credit (as if I even know what that is)

Nobody ever talks to me unless I start the conversation. Even then I annoy the piss out of them just by existing. I feel as if I could just sit and rot away and nobody would notice/care. I have very few friends but then again I feel like I annoy them and push them away. I hate my life.

So, pretty sure I will be given the choice of starting on SSRI, along with regular doctors appointsment to get off alcohol. Though, question I want to ask is, has anyone had any good, long time experiences on SSRI? I am extremely vary to start on that, esp as I currently self medicate with other stuff, and I don't want to stop that, unless SSRI can cloud the past and make me feel as good as I do, on other drugs.

[QUOTE=ThatSprite;47559416]I just lost one of the best friends I've ever had in my life because of my own failures as a human being i don't know if i can go on with life anymore, he was the only thing that came close to keeping me going and i just feel lost now[/QUOTE] what happened man, spill it all out to me i have 1 best friend, at least who id consider as one and im starting to become skeptical of the qualities i hold as a person, and am afraid that the friendship can be over in the blink of an eye. I have bad thoughts that i am a terrible person to him and there's no way to redeem it, and i keep having these thoughts sometimes

As life gets better in one way, I start to fuck it up in other ways. I just got a personal trainer and dietician. I did this cause I found out that I gained 100 pounds in the past 2 years. That is fucking crazy. At any rate, I am working on fitness and food, changing and improving my life there. Meanwhile I'm not showing up to class and I'm letting assignments just slip on by. I don't even know why I'm doing this.

My colitis flareup finally dies down, and 2 days later I catch gastro. I don't even know anymore. Like, I really do sometimes wonder if my life is a giant joke to some malevolent being who gets off on watching me suffer. Because this shit truly is ridiculous. I'm struggling to even make it into work, and I can't claim assistance from the government because I'm not an Australian Citizen. I don't want to leave because my life is here now, and my girlfriend is here, but at the same time I really don't have the will, energy or patience to keep going. I'm just stuck. God I wish there was an easy answer.

Just a quick reminder lads, if the suns out where you live - get out there and do something for at least fifteen minutes. You might feel a little better afterwards :).

I wanted to hold off on posting here, but I'm probably at the lowest point of my life right now. More so ever since 2015 had came around, I feel like more bad things happen to me. I recently lost a friend who killed themselves for unknown reasons. I'm feeling a massive depression period right now, and I can't seem to ever see the light. I also have a friend who I hang with who'a constantly depressed. I can't seem to grasp anything right now, I feel lost in life right now, the only thing that keeps me optimistic is leaving the area I'm in forever. Mainly ever since I moved to where I'm at, things here have been really shitty. Wonder if it has to do with the area or the people in it

I think today I'm going to quit my therapy sessions I have around 2 sessions left, but It's honestly been a waste. It was actually worse than my previous therapist, jesus fucking christ. It was incredibly unprofessional just getting started with the whole thing. She was our family counselor, and once family counseling was over, about a week later they just called me and asked "When do you want your next appointment". I was confused as fuck, and I was incredibly busy at the time they called me so it was ultra annoying. I wasn't told that I would be getting personal appointments so I was taken off guard. The sessions really didn't help. She was sometimes rude, she didn't understand what my problems were. I literally got better advice by people on the internet. Thankfully it was covered by my father's work plan. I feel guilty that I practically wasted $600 of the government's money.

Got a small english presentation in front of the clas but holy fuck why am I so stressed over it. Went to the doctor and got some hydroxyzine for the anxiety, anyone have experience with it?

Why do I keep getting fucked over by people more successful than me? Was I brought up to be some sort of sick fucking joke? In school I was harassed by people who got straight As or had scholarships up the fucking asshole. On fp I was harassed by people making a fuckton of money who would say shit like "I have more money than you lol". Related story y mother literally said to my fucking face about a month ago "should I have pressured you like xyz's mom?" I pretended I didn't hear that. If I payed attention to it I would've called her fucking retarded. "Xyz".s mom literally abuses the shit out of her son to make him succeed. If he gets anything less than an A+ the guy get his ass beat. But he got over $50,000 in scholarships soooo. In Elementary School (Grades 1-6) my parents pressured me to be successful. It worked but I ended up becoming a socially inept shit who only had little friends because my parents would set my priorities. I started to slip into depression because of it around the 5th grade, and I started taking antidepressants that never really worked in the 6th grade. My grades started to slip because my own priorities were fucked up. Video games > Homework because videos games were the only form of positive social interaction I really had. I hung out with shitheads who lightly copied what they saw in Gang Culture. Axe Body Spray, Axe Hair Gel, fights, humiliating pranks, girlfriends, lying about drinking alcohol, parties. I was still being pressured in the 6th, 7th, 8th grade until I finally grew some fucking balls and told my parents to fuck off with their parenting bullshit. My grades did get better but they were still bad.

i wish i didnt have to eat to feel happy

Might not be for this thread, but how do you deal with worrying too much? Whenever I do / have to do something important, I always manage to delude myself into thinking I'm going to / have already fucked it up irrecoverably. I realize its all bullshit a few days later and go back to being normal, but in the day or two when I hate myself for some little thing, everything seems like its snowballing. My closest friend doesn't understand how utterly it terrifies me to have possible hurt someone or even just done them a bit of wrong, so he just tells me to get over it. That usually just makes it worse because I feel like I've failed yet another person. I try to think of loved ones / friends, but whenever I imagine them happy, I also start imagining them unhappy, then sad, then angry, and its always my fault in my mind. I know part of it is definitely hormones- the whole thing feels like a giant-ass mood swing. What do I do to not do this to myself / make it happen less often?

Anyone have any tips on dealing with the paranoia side of anxiety?

[QUOTE=AtomicWaffle;47579098]Anyone have any tips on dealing with the paranoia side of anxiety?[/QUOTE] Accept it and be prepared for anything; trust nobody, not even friends & family. :c

I had a massive panic attack today and walked off of the first job I've had in at least a year. Fuck this anxiety. Fuck this depression. What the fuck am I gonna do?

I always laughed at getting upset about people caring about games too much, like the type of people who shout "gaming is ruined" when day 1 dlc is on a disc. Well It looks like I'm one of those people now. I use video games for unhealthy escapism. It's always fun playing open world sandbox rpgs and being whoever you want, it's a great stress reliever and makes you forget your troubles, but I seriously wish I never played video games in the first place. People have probably seen the news. In the Skyrim workshop, you can now upload content and set a price tag for said content. Massive outrage for a good reason. But this news is affecting me more than it should. Like I just have no motivation to do anything skyirm related, I'm working on a voice acted follower that's a reflection of myself but I don't have motivation to finish him. I don't have much money. I'm currently hoarding everything I got and I'm trying to not spend it because I'm scared of having none. I'm fucking jealous of it honestly. People are earning $100 a day for creating work that should not have passed quality control while I'm here with virtually no talent earning $2 a month from created content. In fact, the number one fucking person I hate in my entire fucking life was put on that spot for two reasons, and one of them was because the guy laughed at me about not earning any money and him having a lot of money. Honestly if you want to make my life feel like absolute shit, point out that I have no money, and that you're making way more money than you deserve. It will hurt more than any fursecution bullshit that you throw at me. It was one of the top three reasons why I left the fandom in the first place. I was jealous as fuck of artists gaining ungodly sums of money from art. I decided to take up art because of that, I wanted to earn money just like these guys, I didn't care about my values, my morals or any of that shit. At that point I would be willing to draw a man taking a shit on another man if it meant I got $5. Drawing also helped me escape, too. It took up my time and it made me stop thinking about suicide and depression. It also made me feel like I fit in with everyone else. But doing that shit only made it worse, it was like a hard drug, taking it will make you feel good but it's going to fuck you up, and it did fuck me up. I had a lot of enemies for shit reasons. I was careless and someone ended up posting all my autistic drawings of dumb furry shit because they would get erections to the thought of seeing roflburger made fun of. I quit drawing dumb shit. I quit looking at furry shit. It made me bitter for 2 years, but then I got over it, but people haven't got over some of the things I said out of anger. If anyone comes up to me and says "Money can't buy happiness" then i'm going to have to apologize and then punch them in the dick. I need money to cure most of the problems that I have. ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL Therapy for depression Surgery for making my life better (thats another story) Medication for a series of health issues I have Money can make problems go away. Me having problems makes me unhappy.

Released one of my scripts for money on a website. I'm friends with one of friend's friends, the guy is a lua coder who happened to be subscripted to my youtube channel. guy started nitpicking every single fucking thing about it and it got me really stressed out, he's done this before and he treats me like I don't know how to code. I don't know if I just can't take constructive criticism or what. [editline]24th April 2015[/editline] Ironic that I feel like crying myself to sleep. Me and said friend (not the nitpicker) have a joke involving crying.

I don't have any motivation to go to classes, really do anything, or even get out of bed lately. This isn't the first time this is happened either. sometimes i feel so low and self-hating. I don't if she's right but my girlfriend keeps saying I'm depressed, but it's not like I'm usually feeling this 24/7

I feel surprisingly abandoned and lonely despite the situation. I've recently spoken with old time friends who I know in person, I've played games with them and I'm quite sure I'll be able to further develop these friendships, yet I feel really abandoned. I don't feel abandoned when I'm lonely, but the second I get to know someone I instantly feel really abandoned. I'm really scared of them talking behind my back and various other things like this. whenever I'm not spending time with them, it feels like they're talking behind my back. I feel really irritated. [editline]24th April 2015[/editline] I just took the initiative to stop playing with them as well, and the second I did I feel like shit.

Ever since I was a kid, I have had a notion in my head that I'm not good enough. This notion affects everything I do. I'm scared shitless of pushing people away from me, but in my horrifically insecure motions to prevent this, I end up pushing them away anyway. Having no job and being stuck home all day just makes me feel even fucking worse. Some days, I don't care about not having a job, but some days, I gather every single flaw in everything I do, ball it all up, and use it against myself. I completely lost it today. After a week of not doing anything, I forced myself to "stop being a useless entitled piece of shit" and do anything around the house I could think of doing. The fact that I accomplished things doesn't mean shit in my mind, though. I should be accomplishing shit every day. I wish I could love myself, but I just can't love someone who fucks things up.

I feel like whatever I do is pointless. I get a job, to get paid with money I never even spend if I don't absoutely have to. I make games to try and make money, which then never make a penny and when I make games just to get myself out there, it does nothing. I feel like I'm never getting anywhere.

I get so insanely jealous when a friend spends time with someone else, no matter who it is. I suppose I'm really scared of them being better than me, more fun to spend time with, which makes me worried about being abandoned.

[QUOTE=PredGD;47596488]I get so insanely jealous when a friend spends time with someone else, no matter who it is. I suppose I'm really scared of them being better than me, more fun to spend time with, which makes me worried about being abandoned.[/QUOTE] Easily the worst feeling.

[QUOTE=NikoChekhov;47589068]I don't have any motivation to go to classes, really do anything, or even get out of bed lately. This isn't the first time this is happened either. sometimes i feel so low and self-hating. I don't if she's right but my girlfriend keeps saying I'm depressed, but it's not like I'm usually feeling this 24/7[/QUOTE] That's good signs of depression. [QUOTE=PredGD;47592469]I feel surprisingly abandoned and lonely despite the situation. I've recently spoken with old time friends who I know in person, I've played games with them and I'm quite sure I'll be able to further develop these friendships, yet I feel really abandoned. I don't feel abandoned when I'm lonely, but the second I get to know someone I instantly feel really abandoned. I'm really scared of them talking behind my back and various other things like this. whenever I'm not spending time with them, it feels like they're talking behind my back. I feel really irritated. [editline]24th April 2015[/editline] I just took the initiative to stop playing with them as well, and the second I did I feel like shit.[/QUOTE] I have had this too. It may feel 100% real but it's most likely not. [QUOTE=Fulsam;47593217]Ever since I was a kid, I have had a notion in my head that I'm not good enough. This notion affects everything I do. I'm scared shitless of pushing people away from me, but in my horrifically insecure motions to prevent this, I end up pushing them away anyway. Having no job and being stuck home all day just makes me feel even fucking worse. Some days, I don't care about not having a job, but some days, I gather every single flaw in everything I do, ball it all up, and use it against myself. I completely lost it today. After a week of not doing anything, I forced myself to "stop being a useless entitled piece of shit" and do anything around the house I could think of doing. The fact that I accomplished things doesn't mean shit in my mind, though. I should be accomplishing shit every day. I wish I could love myself, but I just can't love someone who fucks things up.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you're having some self-esteem issues (like most of us here). Start giving yourself proper acknowledgement for all the good things you do, even the small things like washing a plate. Not accomplishing things do not mean you are useless. Deep down you know this, you just have to admit it also.

I wish I had more friends that treated me like a human being. They don't even regularly speak to me; instead, they only talk to me when they're sad. It really makes me feel worth less as a friend when the only time someone is willing to talk to me is when they want to make themselves feel better.

I was reading up on the difference between self-care and being selfish because I really can't tell if what i wanted to do was self-care or being selfish. And something really struck a chord with me. It said imagine the inner child in you just yourself sitting on your lap and imagining what he would want to tell me and I just started crying. I have ignored him for so long and I just want him to forgive me for ignoring him for so long