Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

yea he regularly diverts the TF2 section

Didn't know there was a thread for this kind of thing, but I'm glad I found it. I deal with a lot of anxiety in daily life so it's nice to find a place I can come and talk about it.

I often feel like my reasons for being depressed and suicidal are too stupid or insignificant to talk to people about

I feel so apathic and empty. My mind is like, stuck, i don't want anything, i don't need anything. All i can think is the idea of trying to kill myself again. And then I spend the whole day trying to sleep and abusing sleeping pills to get some rest for my mind. I suppose a lot of depressed people use sleep as a shelter... I think i'll end up in a mental institute someday. I really believe that i belong in a place like that.

[QUOTE=Pascall;47738588]Didn't know there was a thread for this kind of thing, but I'm glad I found it. I deal with a lot of anxiety in daily life so it's nice to find a place I can come and talk about it.[/QUOTE] It's nice to get it all out. Even if you don't have have a hundred people, even one person able to give you support, a few friendlies and getting the pain out of you by posting helps a ton. It's weird, but it's good.

When does anxiety actually become a big enough of a problem to where it's actually a problem? I feel like I'm overblowing whatever problems I have and I don't have any more of a problem than any other normal guy

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47740022]When does anxiety actually become a big enough of a problem to where it's actually a problem? I feel like I'm overblowing whatever problems I have and I don't have any more of a problem than any other normal guy[/QUOTE] That's pretty much the definition of anxiety though. Or one of them, at least. Hypochondria, for example is very similar, if not always associated with anxiety. You think there are problems where there aren't (or where they're not as big a deal). It's why anxiety is so hard to deal with. Your brain makes you believe that all these problems are so monumental and impossible to solve.

[QUOTE=Booker K;47738329]I find it bizarre sometimes how some people take up so much of their time to write these long and depressing stories about all the terrible shit that's happened in their life then later on admitting or getting caught that they made it all up. This thread is meant to be completely honest about your current problems and for people to listen to you and/or help you with them. Not to waste your time coming up with such nonsense for the sake of attention and having people sympathise you. And I'm not trying to imply people on here are lying, it just surprised me how another user wasted his time writing all that then admitting most of it's fake in less than a day.[/QUOTE] It also makes the rest of the users in this thread look bad when they talk about their problems. He's reduced the weight of the words of everyone else by lying with his own. To be fair: UserNotFound has always been a problem from the very beginning. He constantly starts drama wherever he goes and he's downright bonkers. He can't last without crying for some attention and recognition, so I invite him to grow up and come back to this thread so he can figure himself out. He has the capability of being useful and enjoyably productive with his involvement in the mod community but falls short just because he insists on being terrible and moving the blame to everyone else. (i.e. "I'd rather shoot myself instead of be like anyone else on this forum.") [editline]16th May 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Fhenexx;47740022]When does anxiety actually become a big enough of a problem to where it's actually a problem? I feel like I'm overblowing whatever problems I have and I don't have any more of a problem than any other normal guy[/QUOTE] I have anxiety to the point where it feels like someone is chasing me, or something bad is really about to happen, when there's no trouble at all and there's nothing within my power to change. When something does come up, I enter fight or flight mode extremely easily and "fill up with white noise". My capacity for thinking decreases and it becomes hard to focus. Take that however you want, but that's an example of anxiety that gets in the way of life. If you can't let go of your anxiety and it starts warping your thought process, it's a problem.

On that note, my brain is not so good tonight after focusing on a particularly trivial issue that I'm sure I'll get over soon enough. But it's making me feel like shit anyway. Just gonna draw back a bit today.

So, I laid in bed and stared out the ceiling for an hour or so. Except it wasn't actually just an hour. I was laying there for 3 or so hours and it only felt like one. How the fuck does this even happen? Am I so far gone that time is some kind of nonsensical construct to me? I swear to fuck it was only an hour. I'm sorry, but this is really starting to freak me out.

I have been a NEET for almost one year now, spending day after day slowly wasting away. Can't see it happening much longer to be honest, I wish I could land an actual job.

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;47742204]I have been a NEET for almost one year now, spending day after day slowly wasting away. Can't see it happening much longer to be honest, I wish I could land an actual job.[/QUOTE] two years here. Kinda sucks but I'm gonna change that now.

I need to do this but I don't need to make it a sob story so here I go: I'm 22 years old. Never had a job, don't have a car, don't have a girlfriend (don't feel that I have the right to reproduce without becoming someone first). I can live good on my own I guess, thanks to Social Security and I spend most of my time on the computer. Sometimes I try not to get too attached to people in fear of them learning the above facts because I'm pretty sure this is the stamp of the anti-man. I also attend community college. I've got As and Bs so that's good. Every day, I wonder if being this sort of full-time student is the right way to go. That decision to get Social Security was my mother's, not mine. I argue that I should have just gotten a job because it took four years just to get on it for less than 10k a year. She doesn't think she's wrong. I also hold my parents in contempt a lot. I mean, a fuckload. I feel horrible about it too. My parents practiced gypsy lifestyles and got married without so much as a high school education. I know very little about them and I'm convinced that they're lying to me every chance they get simply because they're my parents. My dad died last year by the way due to heart failure. So to sum it up, I'm convinced that I was an accident and there's no real reason for me to be here. I also have the mindset that everyone else is more important than I am. I'm just casually writing this because I'm not gonna pretend I'm worse off than any of you but how I see my life is still a problem to me.

[QUOTE=Booker K;47738329]I find it bizarre sometimes how some people take up so much of their time to write these long and depressing stories about all the terrible shit that's happened in their life then later on admitting or getting caught that they made it all up. This thread is meant to be completely honest about your current problems and for people to listen to you and/or help you with them. Not to waste your time coming up with such nonsense for the sake of attention and having people sympathise you. And I'm not trying to imply people on here are lying, it just surprised me how another user wasted his time writing all that then admitting most of it's fake in less than a day.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=404]Do me a favor Postal. I know I've said some stupid things to you in this thread, but please tell the Depression Help thread in GD that I didn't lie about a god damn thing because I've got that Kiwi idiot talking shit about me "hurr durr he does more than divert the tf2 section". I feel bad about saying I made half that story up to begin with, but jesus christ, I'll be fucked if I dislike people telling me I need to get help, and saying "lol I lied" seemed to me (at the time) to be the best way to handle it (plus I was afraid someone would make some sort of real-life connection and go "I KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE". I'm done. I'm out now. Bye." [/QUOTE] Postal didn't post it here, so I guess I will. just FYI

[QUOTE=The Robster;47743687]I need to do this but I don't need to make it a sob story so here I go: I'm 22 years old. Never had a job, don't have a car, don't have a girlfriend (don't feel that I have the right to reproduce without becoming someone first). I can live good on my own I guess, thanks to Social Security and I spend most of my time on the computer. Sometimes I try not to get too attached to people in fear of them learning the above facts because I'm pretty sure this is the stamp of the anti-man. I also attend community college. I've got As and Bs so that's good. Every day, I wonder if being this sort of full-time student is the right way to go. That decision to get Social Security was my mother's, not mine. I argue that I should have just gotten a job because it took four years just to get on it for less than 10k a year. She doesn't think she's wrong. I also hold my parents in contempt a lot. I mean, a fuckload. I feel horrible about it too. My parents practiced gypsy lifestyles and got married without so much as a high school education. I know very little about them and I'm convinced that they're lying to me every chance they get simply because they're my parents. My dad died last year by the way due to heart failure. So to sum it up, I'm convinced that I was an accident and there's no real reason for me to be here. I also have the mindset that everyone else is more important than I am. I'm just casually writing this because I'm not gonna pretend I'm worse off than any of you but how I see my life is still a problem to me.[/QUOTE] You don't need to become someone on a social status to reproduce. You need to be someone on a personal, psychological and a pedagogical (to a certain extent, in a parental way) sense. That's my opinion atleast, and I mean I don't want to make things look like you're still in a great situation, sure, but you've still got time anyways. I'm not a master on love or anything, and I understand you have your own thoughts on being in a relationship, but a lot of times it's the relationship that can make you feel like you're someone, and even when you're not that important, a relationship can give you what you wish for. That's if you find someone good. If you don't, then move on. tl;dr the things you don't have right now might as well fix other problems.

I keep getting internally mad at my peers for not appreciating the things I do, I feel like I'm not being recognized for who I am Then I realize it's not their fault and it's really because there is nothing to appreciate because I'm an unfunny, boring fuck who plays video games all day because I have no hopes for my future

[QUOTE=Flubbman;47744966]I keep getting internally mad at my peers for not appreciating the things I do, I feel like I'm not being recognized for who I am Then I realize it's not their fault and it's really because there is nothing to appreciate because I'm an unfunny, boring fuck who plays video games all day because I have no hopes for my future[/QUOTE] sometimes, it's actually not a persons fault for something even though it may feel like it! try to look at the situation from a more external perspective, is it really you or is it your friends? I like to believe everyone has something they're strong with, and I'm sure you're no exception. maybe talk to them about it? always helps [editline]18th May 2015[/editline] I often get these surges of great self esteem. I think I'm getting better at this loving myself thing. I don't think I look bad, I think I have some great assets under my wings, and I feel like I'm good at socializing. it might not be true, but who cares as long as I believe it's true? the key to happiness for me is not for everyone to think I'm great, but it's to think that I'm great. getting everyone to like you is not achievable, but it's fully possible to get a single person, myself, to like me. I have some flaws I'd like to fix still, but I think I found a good path to walk.

Every day I am falling into more and more depression from my environment. I hate my current environment, I live in Ireland in Dublin, most of my friends are Russian, and there is this russian community of at least 6000 people all across Ireland, and shit like judgement, gossips etc.. is going around, it's annoying me. I could do something stupid and somebody will tell someone else and it will go around whole Ireland through all Russian community and everybody is judging. Dublin is kinda small, I am tired of it and there is nothing to do here. at least 80% of my Russian friends don't work and don't plan to work, when I ask them: "Would you ever consider working? " they say: "I didn't come to ireland to work", they just sit on social welfare and drink or go clubbing every night or so. One time I was caught in this whole lifestyle and I was just going out to nightclubs every night for about a month but I got sick of it. I realized my friends are boring and have no goals in life and in the end when I look at myself overall - I have no true friends who I could hang out with without drinking, they keep annoying me by calling every day and talking. Here is typical conversation: Friend: Hey whats up? Me: not much, playing game. Friend: I see, I just woke up, going to shop after smokes. Me: oh, I see. Friend: Heard about X friend? Me: no? Friend: well he did that and that, friend Y helped him so they both are Z. Me: oh. Friend: Yeah. Me: yeah... Friend: well I will talk to you later. Me: yeah, bye. Like there is nothing to talk with them about, only gossips and shit, there is nothing interesting in their or my lives going on (in theirs because all their routine is - wake up, go to shower, go drinking, go clubbing, go sleep. In mine: because I am student and I just focus on education and when I have free time - I have no friends that would be willing to do something else besides drink). My family and friends overall are pissing me off more and more every day, they are all so to call: patriotic russians, hate gay people, hate other races etc.. For example, when I am in public with friend and he calls some afro american the n word, I say: "shut up, avoid that", his excuse is: "wtf you on about? my parents taught me: in Africa there is n*word's, in China - Chinese, in India - Indians, in middle east - Muslims" His logic pisses me off, he lives here 13 years and still refuses to adopt to polite and civilized country, same goes for my parents. I guess this is because I went to school here in Ireland as a kid and college too, so I am more of Irish-sided person. I just graduated and once I find work - I want to cut all ties to my current life, like just literally start fresh page but it's hard to do because it's hard to just move to London for example or other country and start working there, and I can't really tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone. I feel like I will just find job, move outside of Dublin, tell everyone I am leaving country and lay low and just go to work -> home, meet new people in new city in Ireland, find new friends hopefully and just enjoy my life as fresh. tl;dr: my parents, my friends piss me off with their USSR views and opinions, I hate my native community who are all just gossipers, I hate everything, I just want to get new citizen ship, not admit I know Russian or any other language besides English to other people and just have fresh start. This whole mess makes me depressed badly, feels like I am under constant monitoring and judgement by fucking bunch of nobodies who all they do is sit on their ass all they and claim social welfare.

What is a good way to eradicate negative emotions. Get some exercise? Feeling bad means I'm not going to get any work done and will end up with more trouble down the line. I'm being told I'm some sort of monster because I have feelings for a girl once every blue moon. Ok great now I'm abnormal, fucking hell, should I have myself committed to mental asylum or should I just save time and kill myself. First I get rejected by the CIPWTTKT people now this. I should have I known I wasn't to exist, I'm too fucked to fit in anywhere.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47747736]What is a good way to eradicate negative emotions. Get some exercise? Feeling bad means I'm not going to get any work done and will end up with more trouble down the line.[/QUOTE] I'm gonna tell you right now that if you don't find yourself something to occupy your time, or find something that gives you purpose or a sense of productivity, you're going to find yourself going down a bad road. Set goals for yourself. Think about what you want to do with yourself but haven't. You wanted to go see that movie? Go do it! If you felt like really talking to that one person 'cause they struck you as cool then by golly go befriend that fool. If you procrastinate and you don't do things for yourself, you end up blaming yourself and telling yourself you're not good enough, or that you can't do anything right. You need to take action immediately and don't let that shit build up inside you. That's not taking care of yourself.

I hope it's ok for me to vent myself out. I majorly lurk this thread. I have realised that I'm not really a good talker. Whenever I try to speak up a word with my classmates or strangers, my body feels cold and my voice breaks down, which makes it for others hard to understand whenever I'm trying to talk to them. Which would sorta explain why I don't have that many friends in real life. Atleast from what I know I'm surprised that my jerk classmates aren't bullying me due to me being quiet all the time. I really want to speak, but I can't. I'm too afraid that my sentences sound garbage, so that no one would take me serious anymore. I mostly hang out with my family, as I'm way too shy to talk to girls and such. I'm very sorry if that doesn't really belong in here. I hope you understand. Just posting here gives me an anxiety feeling :/ You guys are really great people.

[QUOTE=Booker K;47751104]You ever realise sometimes when you're depressed you feel more bored and empty inside than feeling actually sad? That's how I seem to feel whenever I get depressed. I have a hard time trying to actually feel emotional or even express my emotions.[/QUOTE] Well yeah, the feeling of nothingness is depression mainly. [QUOTE=Davidn64;47751167]I hope it's ok for me to vent myself out. .... I'm very sorry if that doesn't really belong in here. I hope you understand. Just posting here gives me an anxiety feeling :/ You guys are really great people.[/QUOTE] Everything belongs here, your problems do too. It's alright to vent, really that's why most people are here.

[QUOTE=Davidn64;47751167]I hope it's ok for me to vent myself out. I majorly lurk this thread. I have realised that I'm not really a good talker. Whenever I try to speak up a word with my classmates or strangers, my body feels cold and my voice breaks down, which makes it for others hard to understand whenever I'm trying to talk to them. Which would sorta explain why I don't have that many friends in real life. Atleast from what I know I'm surprised that my jerk classmates aren't bullying me due to me being quiet all the time. I really want to speak, but I can't. I'm too afraid that my sentences sound garbage, so that no one would take me serious anymore. I mostly hang out with my family, as I'm way too shy to talk to girls and such. I'm very sorry if that doesn't really belong in here. I hope you understand. Just posting here gives me an anxiety feeling :/ You guys are really great people.[/QUOTE] i used to have a very similar issue when i was at school. i always wanted to contribute to discussions but every time i did i'd be really embarassed and would stumble over my words and just didn't feel like i was adding anything useful. it was frustrating because i had this reputation in school of being kinda stupid and awkward but i was just way too fuckin nervous to ever speak my mind and whenever i tried to i never got my message across the way i wanted to and just felt like i made a fool of myself. for me it was an issue of self esteem and the environment i was in. i was surrounded by a lot of condescending people and didn't really trust any of my friends enough to talk to them about serious things. i'm not sure why it's better now, i don't have much social anxiety in general anymore and it's still strange to me, but i think there's a bunch of factors. i guess i slowly started to realize that i cared way more than others did about every little social interaction. also i left school and made new friends/stopped talking to some of my old shitty friends so that also helped. not sure if this helps at all, your situation may be totally different/worse than mine was. don't belittle your problems like that though, anxiety is a legit thing and it sucks

I'm so depressed and I don't know where else to turn. I'm 18 years old and I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do. I know I have people that love and care about me but none of them really understand. This all started June 21st 2012. I was only 15 years old and my brother died. He was so young only 25. I have tried so hard to stay strong but I just can't do it anymore. It's going to be his 3 year anniversary in about a month and I'm losing it. To make matters worse this past December I was driving home from work on the parkway when I hydroplaned and my jeep flipped 7 times. I should be dead right now. Everyone told me I shouldn't have survived and the cops literally told me when they pulled up to my truck they expected to find me dead inside. I can't get the sound of the accident out of my head and its killing me. I can't get the image of my car out of my head either. There was a huge tree that went right through my windshield and stopped 1 inch from me. I don't understand why I survived. Sometimes I wish I would have died instead of having to suffer every single day. I wish somebody actually understood.....

[QUOTE=LTJGPliskin;47718943]You at least had someone that loved you, if only for a while. When you live for 10 years with no one goving a shit about you, and you have a shot at a relationship with the perfect, most beautiful girl in world, and you blow it... That's pure hell. Be thankful you actually had people.[/QUOTE] I guess I'm starting to see that my "bestfriend" is soon leaving for school and I'm not. And she has no reason to contact me afterwards. I still love her and feel sad and terrified if she isn't at school, worried that something happened to her. She is still the most caring person I know and I feel so fucking bad that I sent her into the spiral 2 years ago that was me. I'm glad I met her, but I feel she would be better without me. I don't believe she loves me, she probably is just holding on trying to minimize my thoughts of drinking myself to obscurity...

Christ Almighty there are so many stories on here. I'm actually scared how many people who don't talk about it have these issues. I went through all of my last year completely oblivious to everything and then BAM this year has been horrible. I hope it gets better for all of you and the thought of this getting worse actually terrifies me. [editline]19th May 2015[/editline] This isn't the general 'oh I hope you get better so I can feel better' or feel good posts I genuinely want you guys to get better because seriously all this shit Fucking sucks major corporal ass.

I'm starting to get out of the rut that I've been in since the beginning of the year. It's kinda weird. For the past 3 years, it's just been this underlying depression that really made my life feel stagnant and when I started therapy, it just started to get so shitty, I really felt like I wanted to kill myself. But now I'm actually starting to feel better and in better moods most days, I feel like it might fall apart again. One issue is just people get me down so much. Like even when I'm having a good day, people do shitty things and just push me back into thinking I'm worthless and ugh.

Teared my whole family apart today. Apparently I ate the last piece of cake that my mom was supposed to eat and I didn't know. Now my mom won't talk to anyone and I'm feeling like shit. I also have an exam tomorrow and I can't really concentrate, I just wanna fucking kill myself. I never know how this family works and I'm just making it worse for them. I'll probably run away from this country, I can't really take this anymore. I never feel safe. The thing that fascinates me though, is how they would react if they found out I was taking to a psychiatrist for schizophrenic and bipolar behavior.

Just found my old phone from 2012. Checked the messages, and I found every single text between me and my ex, my first and only girlfriend. We broke up the same year, and it took a while to fully get over it. Now I miss her so fucking much, it felt so good while it lasted and I will probably never end up in that situation again.

Trying to convince yourself that people ar laughing with you instead of at you sucks.