Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

No arms, no money and no life. A short and summary of my life right now. Basically somehow I overloaded my arm muscles. Now they need rest which means I have to use them as little as humanly possible. Its been 7/8 weeks now (I lost count). Currently I can type for short periods but everytime I do anything with my hands I fear I am worsening my condition. so no arms is not entirely true but for all intents and purposes I have no forearms. There are other issues on my mind right now but I already took 1 break from typing the above section and want to get to the point. Luckily I can primarily control my computer with voice recognition software (although its painfully slow and frustrating to use). I am bored out of my mind. All I have done for 8 weeks straight is watch stuff. Is there anything I can DO? I have just about no social connections and no money. I still have student OV so I can travel anywhere in holland for free during the week. I am open to all suggestions.

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;47742204]I have been a NEET for almost one year now, spending day after day slowly wasting away. Can't see it happening much longer to be honest, I wish I could land an actual job.[/QUOTE] It only gets worse, at the 5 year mark I started questioning whether i deserved food and shelter after giving nothing in return for it. [editline]19th May 2015[/editline] contrariwise, i've since learned that nobody is undeserving of bare necessities. you can't quantify what a human being is worth. no matter how long you depend on other people for life and comfort, you'll always deserve it.

Where to start? I'm 21 right now, in college and dealing with Bipolar disorder and the depression that comes with it. Not only that, i have to deal with news every week about my dad cheating on my mom, events that have been explained elsewhere. I've thought a lot about death recently, although i'd never hurt myself. What really gets to me though is the fact that I literally hate small mannerisms that people display sometimes. Like a girl holding a guy's hand or someone who says something about "Memes" in class. I don't know why, but they consistently bother me to the point where i get angry. it's hard to explain, and it's only sometimes, never constantly. Besides that, although it makes me "angry" i don't hold anger, i feel sort of empty in a way. I don't feel happy or sad most of the time. i feel tired, detached from emotion. I've sought help through professional channels and it's not done much for me. Honestly i think i'll feel better this summer, when i'm not near all this stress and emotional abuse that my family has put me through. Besides that, i aspire to get my Ph.D in history, which is my major at the moment. It doesn't really help sometimes, since there's literally seventeen books i have to read before the end of the quarter. I never really have seen myself anywhere else besides being a student, and i've always wanted to continue on in academia. By far, this isn't my worst point in life, just need to let some things out. I'm not actually sure if i'm 22 or 21 lol. But to all of you out there who have problems like these, it does get better.

I posted some shitty twits 20 min ago because of sleep deprivation. spoilers: my procrastination situation hasn't gotten too much better [QUOTE]I've dug myself into a hole and taken two other people with me and everything I do and have to do has no real meaning college is a challenge I wasn't ready for and three months weren't enough to make me think correctly and figure out how to adapt I'm faced with projects that require me to think abstractly and demand more than an afternoon's worth of work and I can't handle that fun facts: -I can't cry from anything but severe pain or shock -I refuse to off myself because I'm a wuss / have it too easy -I vent on my regular account because I crave attention, validation and care, and I have a better chance at that here than on AD[/QUOTE] I've basically slept on two months of work for my graphic design course, work that is very hands-on and (at least for me) requires me to be in a creative mindset. I can churn out bullshitted papers in an hour, but I'm still staring at paper wondering what to do with it. Most advice I've gotten for that is "creativity kills the designer, get discipiline instead" and other various famous sayings and nothing that really tells me how to do either At this point I'm way past that and just want to ride out this long weekend in peace and try to catch up, but can't even do that [QUOTE=BLOODGA$M;47739790]I often feel like my reasons for being depressed and suicidal are too stupid or insignificant to talk to people about[/QUOTE] This is, interestingly, the only thing that really keeps me going. the constant "people have had shittier lives and turned them into something much, much, better, or they're currently struggling and come to me for advice" because at least when I can help someone with something, even if it's being their venting box and offering a few words that don't sound too cliche and detached, or even doing something minimal like tech support, I feel like I'm having an impact on someone's day and that's really good. That really helps.

Alot of people really hate me and I don't know how to feel. I have no friends (save for one whom I barley see) and life is just beating the shit out of me at this time. It's bad enough that I have to take Medikinect everyday (except weekends and holidays) and to top it all off, I have Aspergers Syndrome and in 2013, I was diagnose with AD/HD :(

I really don't know if i should take the next step to the other side. I just can't seem to find the place for myself. Either i can't think properly or i just can't find enough motivation to do anything. And what's the point of living anyway? Living to wait till they put you into a damn coffin?

What's your guy's take on seeing a Therapist or a Psychiatrist? I've been procrastinating seeing one for a while now because I'm skeptical on the idea. [editline]20th May 2015[/editline] [QUOTE={TFS} Rock Su;47766217]I really don't know if i should take the next step to the other side. I just can't seem to find the place for myself. Either i can't think properly or i just can't find enough motivation to do anything. And what's the point of living anyway? Living to wait till they put you into a damn coffin?[/QUOTE] To be honest, I've been feeling exactly like this for nearly a month straight now.

[QUOTE=Lawligagger;47767066]What's your guy's take on seeing a Therapist or a Psychiatrist? I've been procrastinating seeing one for a while now because I'm skeptical on the idea.[/QUOTE] I see a CBT for a trauma kind of thing, it is a bit full of shit, that said I had a counseler who was a fucking godsend I found out today that one of the two people I trusted with the shit that actually goes on with me, had been telling it to someone else, when i comfronted them I got fuck all of an appology. I feel fucking betrayed, I snapped a keyboard in frustration. I've also come to the conclusion that I only have one friend that I can truely trust, and thats pretty bad

I go to a therapist every now and again. She's pretty cool. It's basically just talk therapy. I only go when I need to. I recommend them for people who can afford them (check your insurance to see psychs that are covered) and to not just stick with any one individual if it's not working out. Try out different people, places, and environments.

[QUOTE=despair3173;47767151]I see a CBT for a trauma kind of thing, it is a bit full of shit, that said I had a counseler who was a fucking godsend I found out today that one of the two people I trusted with the shit that actually goes on with me, had been telling it to someone else, when i comfronted them I got fuck all of an appology. I feel fucking betrayed, I snapped a keyboard in frustration. I've also come to the conclusion that I only have one friend that I can truely trust, and thats pretty bad[/QUOTE] Same thing happened to me recently actually, He's surpassed everyone on my shitlist and I'll never trust him again.

Yeah, that's a big big thing with therapists, you need to make sure you find someone who's trustworthy and always kind of be a bit weary of them. I've said this before, but I had one that was really good up until a month or two before I left, where he just started being really bad and then all the sudden he's laughing at me and I leave mid-session. You gotta be careful when it comes to therapists.

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47767462]Yeah, that's a big big thing with therapists, you need to make sure you find someone who's trustworthy and always kind of be a bit weary of them. I've said this before, but I had one that was really good up until a month or two before I left, where he just started being really bad and then all the sudden he's laughing at me and I leave mid-session. You gotta be careful when it comes to therapists.[/QUOTE] That's why I've been putting it off.

[QUOTE=Lawligagger;47767523]That's why I've been putting it off.[/QUOTE] Same here, buddy :c

I wish people would stop changing and acting worse and then blaming it on others. I wish people would stop victimising themself and try into guilt me for being depressed and keeping quiet to avoid conflict for [I]their[/I] benefit. I wish people would stop blaming others and accusing me of what they're doing. "We can't always have what we want" no it's just [B][I]I [/I][/B]can literally never have what I want because you always have to have it [I]your [/I]way.

[QUOTE={TFS} Rock Su;47766217]I really don't know if i should take the next step to the other side. I just can't seem to find the place for myself. Either i can't think properly or i just can't find enough motivation to do anything. And what's the point of living anyway? Living to wait till they put you into a damn coffin?[/QUOTE] You're asking the wrong question, but I'll give you the answer to it anyway. No point to killing your self. The point of living is to make the most of what we can and to make living better for either ourselves later or our posterity. Even if you're the most broken human alive, the fact you tried and did something, even if it seems insignificant, is significant to the future and it will forever be part of history, forever part of what made the future. [editline]20th May 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Lawligagger;47767066]What's your guy's take on seeing a Therapist or a Psychiatrist? I've been procrastinating seeing one for a while now because I'm skeptical on the idea. [editline]20th May 2015[/editline] To be honest, I've been feeling exactly like this for nearly a month straight now.[/QUOTE] Therapists and psychiatrists are only as good as you want them to be. (also generally female therapists and psychs are better imo, less of that "man up you're a man, be a man, I'm a man." crap.) It's mostly on you to make it work, they're just there to hear you and guide you mostly. That's why you often are prescribed a medication early on for treatment, because a lot of people are there because they don't have the energy to make it work, the medication temporarily gives you that solution so you can obtain it on your own without it. It's like a mental health loan.

[QUOTE=Catscratch;47767840]I wish people would stop changing and acting worse and then blaming it on others. I wish people would stop victimising themself and try into guilt me for being depressed and keeping quiet to avoid conflict for [I]their[/I] benefit. I wish people would stop blaming others and accusing me of what they're doing. "We can't always have what we want" no it's just [B][I]I [/I][/B]can literally never have what I want because you always have to have it [I]your [/I]way.[/QUOTE] I honestly feel like all three of these all the time. I start questioning if I'm the problem instead of them. I don't know what to think but I know I've done things wrong and that there are some things that were just out of my control and should in know way piss a human being off, unless they got a kick out of being mean and controlling.

[QUOTE=Lawligagger;47767066]What's your guy's take on seeing a Therapist or a Psychiatrist? I've been procrastinating seeing one for a while now because I'm skeptical on the idea.[/QUOTE] I've had sets of sessions with psychologists for various issues throughout my life. Anger management in the last year of elementary school, anxiety, agoraphobia, depression and suicidal tendencies around the end of high-school. I wouldn't call them 'miracle workers' but all my experiences were very good. It's nice to have someone physical to dump your feelings and worries onto, and maybe even get a couple good responses. I know medical care and especially psych care are expensive in the US, but I'd advice anyone thinking about it to get a session or two done, if at all possible. But you've gotta remember that Psychiatrists are the ones who prescribe meds and deal with issues that can (mostly) be worked with using meds. You might be looking for a [B]Psychologist[/B] instead, if your issues are emotional. (I think that's what you call Therapist, but I'm not sure.)

Psychiatrist- Psychology functions, sometimes therapy, can prescribe medications. These are actual M.Ds. Also, some do psychotherapy. Psychologist- Can't prescribe medications but can diagnose and refer you to specialists. Have PhD's or Psy.D's. Kinda like a more certified therapist, usually have more experience. ARNP (Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner) - specialized psychological professional, usually in one field. Generally for diagnosis and medication management. Tend to work with a therapist, or at least refer you to one. Can be cheaper. Therapist - Murky title. Not always fully certified, but can help and be a great aid for talking things out. Can be a clinical social worker or just a therapist, there are a number of degrees. most good professionals will list their education credentials. CBT is shown to be effective for only a few disorders, but is especially effective in treating ADHD when used WITH medication (allowing for lower doses). Generally a psych is certified in it. Understand that if you seek help for depression SSRI's take 3-4 weeks to take effect. Anxiety and ADHD medications are near immediate but take time to build to full effectiveness and dosing (titration). Right now I"m seeing an ARNP to manage my adhd meds, and I'm going to see a therapist for CBT stuff and emotional shit when I can afford it or find one. Its working well for me, with my insurance its a $25 copay per visit and since adderal is generic now its only $10 for a month of medicine.

That clears it up. While I know it's because I have decent healthcare and could afford it, I'd steer clear off "therapists" and the like. It's perfectly possible for [I]anyone[/I] to turn out to be a toxic asshole, but I [I]really[/I] prefer having someone with a degree on the wall behind them and some form of written-down confidentiality agreement, and the boundaries of it (some places do let them disclose info to parents of kids under 18, and the US guideline is that anything that could cause harm to you or others, including abuse, has to be reported)

[QUOTE=latin_geek;47768930]That clears it up. While I know it's because I have decent healthcare and could afford it, I'd steer clear off "therapists" and the like. It's perfectly possible for [I]anyone[/I] to turn out to be a toxic asshole, but I [I]really[/I] prefer having someone with a degree on the wall behind them and some form of written-down confidentiality agreement, and the boundaries of it (some places do let them disclose info to parents of kids under 18, and the US guideline is that anything that could cause harm to you or others, including abuse, has to be reported)[/QUOTE] Some therapists do have degrees; just be sure to check before you go. Also, make sure to read the privacy information and check out what the rules are in your state if you are under 18 and seeking help. I was prevented by my parents from seeking help, and had I known more I possibly could have gotten help anyways. Know your rights!

Is there any way to completely avoid the disappointment you get when someone you're close friends with gives you an utterly blasé reaction to something you were really excited about? My mood tanks so fucking fast after having something like that happen and it's really hard to not let it completely ruin my night because I know they didn't mean to be so indifferent. Or if they did, they didn't mean it negatively. I dunno. I'm overthinking it. Either way, it makes me not feel so good.

[QUOTE=Pascall;47768946]Is there any way to completely avoid the disappointment you get when someone you're close friends with gives you an utterly blasé reaction to something you were really excited about? My mood tanks so fucking fast after having something like that happen and it's really hard to not let it completely ruin my night because I know they didn't mean to be so indifferent. Or if they did, they didn't mean it negatively. I dunno. I'm overthinking it. Either way, it makes me not feel so good.[/QUOTE] pls this People telling me "no one cares" or "no one's listening" can really piss on my night, especially if I'm trying to talk about something I care about or like. Hear it all the damn time.

I just noticed this thread. I think there used to be one similar when we had sub forums but those obviously aren't around anymore :v: Is it alright to vent a little in here?

[QUOTE=SuperHoboMan;47769188]I just noticed this thread. I think there used to be one similar when we had sub forums but those obviously aren't around anymore :v: Is it alright to vent a little in here?[/QUOTE] Exactly what this thread is for. Vent as much as you wish

[QUOTE=Pascall;47768946]Is there any way to completely avoid the disappointment you get when someone you're close friends with gives you an utterly blasé reaction to something you were really excited about? My mood tanks so fucking fast after having something like that happen and it's really hard to not let it completely ruin my night because I know they didn't mean to be so indifferent. Or if they did, they didn't mean it negatively. I dunno. I'm overthinking it. Either way, it makes me not feel so good.[/QUOTE] yeah i've experienced that before. just gotta acknowledge that people have different passions and interests than you do. you're not gonna have everything in common with everyone. if they're being rude about it though and belittling something that you care about that's not cool and i'd probably tell them to be more respectful. IDK what exactly it is you wanted to talk about but maybe get involved in online discussions on that topic or something.

It sucks when you want to help somebody, but you just can't. I just don't feel really helpful to my friends at all.

[QUOTE=Kolmala;47769197]Exactly what this thread is for. Vent as much as you wish[/QUOTE] Good to know. A little venting every once in a while can be good for the soul, even if it's to no one in particular. I would write things down to talk to my therapist about but I won't see him for a while and everything gets jumbled up when I actually go to see him anyway. I go in with so much to talk about, and I end up rambling and getting lost and barely accomplishing anything most of the time :v: Anyway I saw that thread, the "Do you feel trapped where you live?" thread, and it was making me think. Figured I'd vent a little frustration, but not there, because this about more than the general topic and I didn't want to feel whiny. I have agoraphobia. It's not the only anxiety disorder I have either, but it makes things pretty difficult. Mixed with the fact that I've been suffering with severe depression for a long time - the worst of it what I'm dealing with right now - and that thread made me think "Damn, I feel quite [I]literally[/I] trapped where I live.". I basically can't leave the house. Well, I [I]can[/I] leave the house, but I'll be damned if it's for anything other than my life as I know it coming to an end because of a horrible disease that can only be cured by the outside world. (:v:) I'm anxious all of the time. It's how I'm wired I guess. It only started getting bad in high school though. I've gone through pill after pill after pill after therapy session after pill after psychologist after pill after pill and all that got me was a disgustingly huge medical bill and nothing to show for it. In fact, a few of the medications I took - of which I took around 8 or 9 over the course of many years - actually made things worse for me. Go figure. Not only do I have to pay hundreds of dollars for a pill that makes me shake uncontrollably and become more anxious than ever, but it doesn't help me either? Neat! Anyway, yeah, I can't leave the house or be around people without it completely incapacitating me for several days afterwards, even if it's only for like...half an hour. My anxiety evolved over time into something a lot more than just a mental obstacle I guess. It effects me physically. Panic attacks cause a lingering full body pain on top of the damage the panic attack does to me mentally. Not only that, but it fucks up my body in other ways too, like shitty headaches and my digestive system getting flipped upside down for weeks from the stress, even if it's only a small 20 minute panic attack. So I've pretty much secluded myself entirely. I don't leave the house, I don't go to school even though I'm in my 20's, I don't have friends, I don't go out, I don't do much of anything. I know that avoiding the things that make me nervous is a bad idea, and in the long run it was probably a bad idea to get comfortable avoiding things, but it's gotten to the point where there's no fucking way I'm going to purposefully do [I]anything[/I] that makes me feel anxious because when I have panic attacks, it feels like my entire body is shutting down and I can feel every cell in my body [I]dying[/I] while I'm still alive. I don't like feeling like I'm going to die [I]every single day.[/I] There's my venting. I used a lot of italics for emphasis. This turned into a huge wall of text. Sorry about that.

I had my first panic attack last night It was scary, absolutely unbearable, time slowed and fastened it was just fucking bad And I don't see anybody until next week but I'm holding out, it's terrible

Does anyone else ever have anxiety where morbid or terrible thoughts pop into your head about other people or something? It could be physical events like them getting hurt, or it could be sexual thoughts, but all of them unwanted and intrusive? That's kind of what I've been dealing with over the last couple of years. I lost my sister to "suicide" and I think that's one thing that has really taken its toll on me -- worrying about worrying basically.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;47769591]I had my first panic attack last night It was scary, absolutely unbearable, time slowed and fastened it was just fucking bad And I don't see anybody until next week but I'm holding out, it's terrible[/QUOTE] I ended up having a panic attack for the first time about a week or two ago, I ended up screaming uncontrollably for the first time because of it too.