Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

sick and tired of dealing with a wildly inconsistent sleeping schedule that interferes with my responsibilities. middle of the month: get up at 6 pm and try to stay up as long as possible to fix it. rinse and repeat until i finally hammer it down, progressing 1-2 hours each day 2-3 weeks later: whoops! let's start this again lol. want to go to vocational rehab to help people out? fuck that. stay home, asshole.

I recently had my Abilify upped by another 5mg, to a total of 25mg. the goal is to put me on 30mg Abilify, the max recommended dose. I really, really hope that these last 10mg will make a difference, though I'm a little skeptical seeing as 10mg, the dose that usually helps, didn't help me. I've noticed I'm a bit more nauseous than I usually am which I'd blame on the upped dosage.

[QUOTE=ReapDaWrapper;47769747]Does anyone else ever have anxiety where morbid or terrible thoughts pop into your head about other people or something? It could be physical events like them getting hurt, or it could be sexual thoughts, but all of them unwanted and intrusive? That's kind of what I've been dealing with over the last couple of years. I lost my sister to "suicide" and I think that's one thing that has really taken its toll on me -- worrying about worrying basically.[/QUOTE] I really don't mean to worry you, and please note that I'm not a trained professional or anything like that so don't take my word for it, but that actually sounds like a symptom of OCD from what I recall reading a while back. Of course, do not take it from me at all as I'm not a medical professional, but it may be worth asking an OCD support forum or a psychiatrist about it if you could.

turns out my ex has got a boyfriend fuuuuck i was not ready for that

Yeah, it was way harder than I thought it would be when I found out my old gf was seeing somebody new.

So a close friend of mine died about 2 weeks ago and I only just found out about it. I miss him dearly but at the risk of sounding uncaring, how am I supposed to react to it now rather then dwell on it or how things could have been diffrent?

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47773002]I really don't mean to worry you, and please note that I'm not a trained professional or anything like that so don't take my word for it, but that actually sounds like a symptom of OCD from what I recall reading a while back. Of course, do not take it from me at all as I'm not a medical professional, but it may be worth asking an OCD support forum or a psychiatrist about it if you could.[/QUOTE] Yeah I just now looked up more about it and it looks to be linked with OCD. I think I felt like it was anxiety related because I also struggle with that.

[QUOTE=despair3173;47774502]turns out my ex has got a boyfriend fuuuuck i was not ready for that[/QUOTE] I know that feeling and it sucks

[QUOTE=despair3173;47774502]turns out my ex has got a boyfriend fuuuuck i was not ready for that[/QUOTE] Used to feel like that, but then you realise it's really because you lack confidence in yourself to find another girl. I just realised that there are plenty of girls out there, but you do have to battle your feelings for your ex. It's really just a case of trying to ignore it and put it at the back of your mind. When you realise there's nothing you can do to change peoples feelings, it's a lot easier.

snipped for now

Cramming Isn't a good strategy anyway. Just take the course again and study better in advance. Learning is a process of time and effort in equal part. You can't cheese one for the other. The second time will just make you that muxh more prepared for the next step up.

[QUOTE=Mr. Agree;47781095]Used to feel like that, but then you realise it's really because you lack confidence in yourself to find another girl. I just realised that there are plenty of girls out there, but you do have to battle your feelings for your ex. It's really just a case of trying to ignore it and put it at the back of your mind. When you realise there's nothing you can do to change peoples feelings, it's a lot easier.[/QUOTE] its not that i lack confidence but like the fact that i know theres nothing that can ever happen between is us a consolation, she said it when we broke up as well, that that was the end

-eh-

You're thinking too much into it. By doing so you pretty much confirmed you have the issue you worry you don't have.

At this point I'm more interested in a FWB or casual relationship than something committed. I seem to have a fetish for picking women that like to degrade me mentally then start fucking my (our) friends behind my back after we break up.

I have been telling my psych and therapist for the last few months that my biggest problem is getting transportation, and I finally found out that theirs a transport system available so long as they sign off that my issues have been causing a disability, even if temporary. I went in the other day and they refuse to sign anything until I come into one other appointment they have lined up for me. You cheeky cunts. I live six miles from the hospital, isn't it obvious that some sort of problem exists in this equation?

How the fuck are you meant to cope with loneliness? It's one of the biggest reasons why I'm so depressed, I only have like one or two friends that I actually talk to regularly. One of them, my best friend that I pretty much talk to all the time often tells me a lot about his friends / conversations with his friends and such which tends to put me in a really shitty mood because of the jealousy that I barley have any friends at all myself. Fuck its not just that even, it feels like he's just a way better person than me and makes me feel like just a generally shit person / friend. So I don't think its entirely loneliness, more jealousy. I also get the feeling he doesn't really like me all that much as he used to or as I thought. God this feels like such a stupid fucking thing to be effecting my depression, idk if I'm just being dramatic or what.

Who else feels as though they are a genuinely terrible person? I am a huge burden on my friends and family.

I have so little energy at my disposal. everything is tiresome and requires more than what I can offer. I wish I had some energy to do something. can't enjoy games, can't be bothered to play games, can't be arsed to go do something. all I want to is to sleep.

I'm thinking about volunteering somewhere. The fire department, nursing hospital, one of the kid's hospitals, Habitat For Humanity, somewhere I can help people and feel better about myself as a person.

Man, the longer I go the more suicide seems more and more appealing than living. Jesus christ.

[QUOTE=Lawligagger;47790961]Man, the longer I go the more suicide seems more and more appealing than living. Jesus christ.[/QUOTE] Why do you feel this way though? [QUOTE=PredGD;47788091]I have so little energy at my disposal. everything is tiresome and requires more than what I can offer. I wish I had some energy to do something. can't enjoy games, can't be bothered to play games, can't be arsed to go do something. all I want to is to sleep.[/QUOTE] You need to see a doctor for depression and such mate. A therapist and some medication for a time would do wonders to set you back into the energy you need. [QUOTE=exhale77;47787311]Who else feels as though they are a genuinely terrible person? I am a huge burden on my friends and family.[/QUOTE] You're not. Maybe you feel that way because you don't feel like you're contributing to society? Talk it out with someone who will help you count out all the things you do that are positive and if you don't feel better maybe you can fit more things in your schedule or should see a therapist. [QUOTE=Da Big Man;47790271]I'm thinking about volunteering somewhere. The fire department, nursing hospital, one of the kid's hospitals, Habitat For Humanity, somewhere I can help people and feel better about myself as a person.[/QUOTE] Yes, do this. This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about here.

[QUOTE=draugur;47791530]Why do you feel this way though?[/QUOTE] Loneliness, family being dysfunctional, no idea what to do with my life, insomnia, generally everything just seems like a massive shit show on my end.

[QUOTE=Lawligagger;47791624]Loneliness, family being dysfunctional, no idea what to do with my life, insomnia, generally everything just seems like a massive shit show on my end.[/QUOTE] Well, take it a step at a time. How old are you? Depending on that knowing what to do with your life might not even be important yet. Have you tried talking to a therapist or a counselor. Usually schools here in the U.S. should have one you can talk to for free, I know my high school and college did.

[QUOTE=draugur;47791530] You need to see a doctor for depression and such mate. A therapist and some medication for a time would do wonders to set you back into the energy you need. [/QUOTE] I already am going to a therapist for undifferentiated schizophrenia and feel pretty clueless on how to fix this. I was thinking maybe the Abilify I'm taking might affect my energy levels as anti psychotics usually block production of dopamine in the brain, but apparently Abilify only regulates this instead of outright blocking it. still, I suppose it could have an effect on my energy levels. I suppose I just gotta tough it out for the time being and wait until the last 5mg are added to a total of 30mg of Abilify, then see what to do from there. [editline]24th May 2015[/editline] I've been experiencing something new on top of the other symptoms. I've gotten this feeling that I'm not in control of my own actions, as if I'm possessed. it scares me that I might do something I don't want to do. the other day I was taking a walk and saw a power line that had sunk down from its poles so it was within reach, still connected. for some reason I felt an insane lust to touch the power line even when thinking that's a terrible idea and not wanting it personally. I didn't do it, but it felt like something else that wasn't me decided it was a good idea and wanted me to do it. definitely something worth mentioning to my therapist.

I had a bit of a nervous breakdown today due to lack of money and because I haven't got a job in my chosen industry. I'm going to work harder at it for the rest of the year and if I still don't have a job by 2016, then I'll have a good reason to be depressed and go crazy.

I feel embarrassed for saying this and please, please don't judge me for what I'm going to say because chances are I was just throwing a temper tantrum... but I was told I had to call back the people I applied to today to make sure they got my application, ask if I got hired/interviewed, etc, and well... I just kind of paniced. I just kinda started breathing kind of heavy and apologizing to everyone and just kind of... losing my mind maybe? I'm not sure. I was begging my friend to tell me that I could call them on Tuesday or something and it got to the point where I started curling up into a ball and rocking back and forth and thrashing. I started to hyperventilate a few times and sometimes my hands would get a bit tingly and I got a bit shaky after I calmed down a bit. I'm still a bit shooken up but I can think straighter I think. I don't want to freak out over small things anymore, can someone tell me if its normal to freak out like this? Was I just throwing a temper tantrum and acting like a baby? Am I ok?

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47795700]I feel embarrassed for saying this and please, please don't judge me for what I'm going to say because chances are I was just throwing a temper tantrum... but I was told I had to call back the people I applied to today to make sure they got my application, ask if I got hired/interviewed, etc, and well... I just kind of paniced. I just kinda started breathing kind of heavy and apologizing to everyone and just kind of... losing my mind maybe? I'm not sure. I was begging my friend to tell me that I could call them on Tuesday or something and it got to the point where I started curling up into a ball and rocking back and forth and thrashing. I started to hyperventilate a few times and sometimes my hands would get a bit tingly and I got a bit shaky after I calmed down a bit. I'm still a bit shooken up but I can think straighter I think. I don't want to freak out over small things anymore, can someone tell me if its normal to freak out like this? Was I just throwing a temper tantrum and acting like a baby? Am I ok?[/QUOTE] That's not a temper tantrum. I'd say that's a pretty severe form of social anxiety. Which isn't [I]normal[/I], per se. But it's manageable. A lot of people with social anxiety don't enjoy talking on the phone.

I don't think it's social anxiety, I uh... have freaks out like this occasionally over a lot of assorted things. Usually more mild but this time just set me off pretty hard, I guess. I'm sure it's nothing.

I mean, it sounds like you went through a pretty clear cut panic attack which is often a result of an anxiety disorder of some kind.