Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=PredGD;47793454]I already am going to a therapist for undifferentiated schizophrenia and feel pretty clueless on how to fix this. I was thinking maybe the Abilify I'm taking might affect my energy levels as anti psychotics usually block production of dopamine in the brain, but apparently Abilify only regulates this instead of outright blocking it. still, I suppose it could have an effect on my energy levels. I suppose I just gotta tough it out for the time being and wait until the last 5mg are added to a total of 30mg of Abilify, then see what to do from there. [editline]24th May 2015[/editline] I've been experiencing something new on top of the other symptoms. I've gotten this feeling that I'm not in control of my own actions, as if I'm possessed. it scares me that I might do something I don't want to do. the other day I was taking a walk and saw a power line that had sunk down from its poles so it was within reach, still connected. for some reason I felt an insane lust to touch the power line even when thinking that's a terrible idea and not wanting it personally. I didn't do it, but it felt like something else that wasn't me decided it was a good idea and wanted me to do it. definitely something worth mentioning to my therapist.[/QUOTE] Hmm. Definitely bring it up with the therapist then, they might need to change your dosage or medicine all together because of the energy thing, there's lots out there and one is bound to work better, you just gotta keep them informed on the problems. As to the actions not feeling yours, if it's been happening often it would be wise to ask your psych about it. There's this thing called depersonalisation disorder that fits that bill but I can't say for sure as I am not qualified to diagnose anyone. If it is that and if I remember right, it could be caused by a negative reaction to a drug, which would make it easier to fix.

[QUOTE=exhale77;47787311]Who else feels as though they are a genuinely terrible person? I am a huge burden on my friends and family.[/QUOTE] It's my first time posting in here, I feel like i'm holding everyone back, dragging people down to my level, I'm a burden to pretty much my family, friends and my girlfriend and i don't really know who to talk too about these things, which causes me to bottle it all up, then a few months down the line have a nervous breakdown. I've been depressed ever since a family member died and i've never gotten over it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;47795744]I mean, it sounds like you went through a pretty clear cut panic attack which is often a result of an anxiety disorder of some kind.[/QUOTE] Well, if that's true, what should I do? I don't want to keep freaking out like this :c

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47796128]Well, if that's true, what should I do? I don't want to keep freaking out like this :c[/QUOTE] First you want to identify your "triggers". I know that's the sort of term that people hate around here, but it's pretty applicable to anxiety disorders since certain things will trigger things like anxiety and panic attacks. It's a bit annoying as a first step, but it's what you need to do to get a handle on it. Gotta find out what sends you into those attacks that way you can either attempt to avoid them or work to build your confidence up in those situations.

I don't know what to say, thanks for the advice. I guess I'll try best to figure out what "triggers" me, see if I can figure out how to stop acting like I do. Just, thank you man!

[QUOTE=RyanH;47795893]It's my first time posting in here, I feel like i'm holding everyone back, dragging people down to my level, I'm a burden to pretty much my family, friends and my girlfriend and i don't really know who to talk too about these things, which causes me to bottle it all up, then a few months down the line have a nervous breakdown. I've been depressed ever since a family member died and i've never gotten over it.[/QUOTE] Talk to a therapist, it's their job to help with this kind of stuff, therefore you won't feel like a burden talking to them. Idk how it works in the UK but student wellness (assuming you're a student) here offers counseling to students for free. Idk if the NHS covers that stuff otherwise because I'm from the U.S. you'll have to find out I guess.

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;47796417]I don't know what to say, thanks for the advice. I guess I'll try best to figure out what "triggers" me, see if I can figure out how to stop acting like I do. Just, thank you man![/QUOTE] Yeah, sorry if I made you anxious yesterday. My medication makes me more anxious anyways so I was really fucking tightly wound. It had nothing to do with who brought it up, but right now I can't think or talk about my sexuality and all that shit without getting even more anxious. Which makes me think about it more, which makes more anxious, etc etc until I have a panic attack and have to go for a walk to calm down. Lashing out a bit at you when you have similar anxiety stuff is unfair, I apologize. Learn how to avoid or confront your "triggers" (GAD is a legitimate thing and this is a legitimate use of the word). If you feel an anxiety attack coming on try your best to redirect your thoughts; doing something (anything) can help with this. Listening to calming music or watching shows helps me, as do doing busywork or cleaning.

Posting here is difficult.

[QUOTE=Rangergxi;47798256]Posting here is difficult.[/QUOTE] Yep

I can't think of anything without having some sort of an anxiety attack. I have cavities in a few of my teeth and every time I think about them my heart starts pounding and I get a sick feeling in my stomach. Same with me having to get a job (which I can't because I get massive headaches), when I need to move out, if I have to talk to someone on the phone, if I have to go somewhere by myself, getting older, dying... I never talked about it before to anyone and a few years ago I had a major anxiety attack and was in a bad depression for 2-3 months. I couldn't eat anything because it felt like I would throw it up. I got so weak I couldn't open a water bottle that had already been opened. I honestly hate myself because of it. It makes things so difficult to do. I just stay in my house all day because I don't want to feel anxious about anything.

[QUOTE=Gimme20dollaz;47798365] And now I feel like complete shit.[/QUOTE] If he knows you're bipolar he should be able to be made to understand. Can't imagine having to deal with bouts of depression followed by periods of being on top of the world.

I feel like I have no right to feel the way I feel and it's driving me crazy.

[QUOTE=Rangergxi;47798256]Posting here is difficult.[/QUOTE] amen I write out posts then dont post lol

[QUOTE=Rangergxi;47798256]Posting here is difficult.[/QUOTE] which is why some of us are on alts

I've been struggling with the fact of basically just having a better view of myself. Like all of my life, I've been made to feel inferior when I'm actually not. And this has caused so much problems my whole life and a shitty self-esteem. But whenever I feel better about myself, I feel like I'm not as great as I think I am and I'm fucking shitty and then the cycle goes all over again. It's like I feel like I'm better than everyone but at the same time worst than everyone. Like what the fuck??? I mean I can recognize that some people have achieved more than me, and when people are great people. But people who have fucked me over the years, I have achieved more than them. I am better than them. I just feel very angry because of all the damage they've caused to my psyche. Maybe that's what driven me to do all the things I've done for myself.

[QUOTE=Rammaster;47801836]I've been struggling with the fact of basically just having a better view of myself. Like all of my life, I've been made to feel inferior when I'm actually not. And this has caused so much problems my whole life and a shitty self-esteem. But whenever I feel better about myself, I feel like I'm not as great as I think I am and I'm fucking shitty and then the cycle goes all over again. It's like I feel like I'm better than everyone but at the same time worst than everyone. Like what the fuck??? I mean I can recognize that some people have achieved more than me, and when people are great people. But people who have fucked me over the years, I have achieved more than them. I am better than them. I just feel very angry because of all the damage they've caused to my psyche. Maybe that's what driven me to do all the things I've done for myself.[/QUOTE] I've been thinking about this shit for the past few days. It's driving me a little crazy. I realize that throughout my life I constantly talk myself down and have no confidence in myself or my abilities. I realize it has a lot to do with people in my past. School, my brother, my stepdad, ME. There have been huge sections of my life where every day I was put down to feel like I was worthless. It really has hit me hard now that I think about it, but, there is something you can do about it. I find that when I accomplish a feat that takes great courage and confidence it almost completely shatters those ideas about myself. And the more I perform these acts the more açcept that I really am great. For me, boxing is usually what I use to do this. On sparring day I fight people who are way better than me, way more powerful and experienced and I put myself to the test. I always end up doing much better than what I imagined. It always makes me realize how great I really am. Of course I'm not completely "cured" or whatever, but I'm getting there.

I'm excited that tomorrow I get to speak to a professional again, it's been 2 weeks since I did and so much shit has happened that I need to talk to somebody who knows what they're doing opposed to a friend who is equally as troubled

I wish I knew why I was depressed. Then I'd be able to talk to people about it.

[QUOTE=Tobin;47807491]I wish I knew why I was depressed. Then I'd be able to talk to people about it.[/QUOTE] There might not be a good reason other than chemical imbalance honestly. See a therapist, they'd be able to tell you more.

I just got prescribed Wellbutrin(150mg) today for mood disorder/depression/anxiety. I was already on Adderall(30mg) for my ADHD, but this combination of meds is awesome. I actually feel balanced, focused and relaxed. I am usually pissed off and depressed most of the time, but I feel relieved. It took forever to find something that didn't make want to kill myself even more. I may be on the right path. Finally.

I got ADHD with some comorbid anxiety/depression issues, more so anxiety but i've had some soul sucking depression in the past that's had me questioning whether I want to go on living before, thankfully I don't get that these days pretty manageable these days now that i'm on the right meds, i'm getting my life together, started being more active in general and getting regular exercise but I just get this sense of dread once in a while, and it's really bothersome, like for the last few days i've been consistently active, enjoying myself and catching up with a lot of friends that i've neglected for a while, that got me into a positive enough mood that i've sent out my first job application in a few months, but now I just feel like fuck, idk if I can properly describe it in my rutted/depressed sort of states, I just waste time, though it seems to stand still because I go nowhere, ultimately none of it goes to good use in terms of bettering myself and getting what I want out of life but I feel like in living my life, it's only going to slip me by faster, and i'm not sure what's scarier too me, wasting it away or having it flash before my eyes in reality, I know that i'd rather enjoy myself and be happy, but then I start thinking about all the shit i've caused other people, the pain, the worry, the burden i've been in general. I start thinking about all the dodgy people I used to be involved with that i've since cut out of my life, some of which were good friends but I can't associate with anymore because they just drag me down and get me into bad shit. Basically, all the bullshit of my past gets to me and I start feeling as though it's somehow selfish of me to just up and leave it all behind and actually move on with my own life, I start getting scared that all that shit will catch up to me and bring me down, as if i'm destined to fail but then I also realize that that by letting it hold me back, i'm only bringing my self down to begin with. I feel trapped one way or the other, so I continue to proceed forward as best I can because as much as I know it's likely just over-sensitive overthinking anxiety stuff as the meds can occasionally get me into those states of heightened sensitivity as they wear off and I have a habit of overthinking to begin with, but it's not something that I always encounter just once in a while, usually triggered at random by unpredictable things, in any regard if that shit's going to affect me one way or the other, i'd rather not sit around waiting for it to happen (which in doing so, is still letting it affecting me) i'd rather keep moving forward, and hopefully well away from the influence that negative shit had on my life this state just sucks because it's like constant un-necessary worry. It's 2:30 am and I need sleep but I can't seem to get my mind off of worrying about random shit like that tomorrow will be a good day at least, but having too much time to think about things at night just really gets to me sometimes sorry if this isn't really thread-material, but I am a disorderly so I just wanted to share and see if anyone can relate to this kind of state of mind in this sort of context and maybe offer me some advice as to how to better deal with it like for the most part, i'm fine, just the last time that state got too much for me and I ended up in something of a rut for near on a couple months where I gave up on the consistent activity and pushing forward with things without even realizing it, this time I don't want to let it get to me like that and I know that i'm happiest overall when I am consistently active, but idk is this just something I have to bare through or is there anything I can do to minimize that sense of 'dread' because it's just really discouraging when it hits full force, and I can never quite anticipate it as it seems to come at random just typing it out has me feeling a bit better for now but yeah, idk, i'm in a ranty state and i'm too tired to make much sense right now so i'm gonna try to get some sleep

I was supposed to be getting better and I'm going down I'm erupting into flames and spiraling oh no wheeee

I joined a fpers mumble server(voice chat) with 3 people for GTA Online. I just couldn't really hold a conversation at all and they talked about stuff that I really couldn't contribute. Everytime I wanna say something, my stomach decides to feel warm, because I don't feel confident enough to speak it out loud. I kinda felt left out. After we got done, I felt like crap and it just reminded me why I don't have any Irl friends.

I've slept all day and actually cried because I woke up. I think I might need help.

I only just noticed how much I resemble Chris Chan. Autistic, bad artist, tries to get a girlfriend but fails every time, the list goes on.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;47812923]I only just noticed how much I resemble Chris Chan. Autistic, bad artist, tries to get a girlfriend but fails every time, the list goes on.[/QUOTE] I only just noticed how much I resemble Captain America. American, willing to fight for friends, fails at stopping Hydra fully. You can't use things like that to compare yourself to others, especially so negatively. You have to accept reality, yes, but there's a lot of good in you as well. Focus on the goods and if you see negatives, then try to improve yourself! You can work on your art by practising and if you didn't get the girl you liked as your girlfriend then it wasn't meant to be. What if she was emotionally abusive or if she was moving away in a few weeks anyways and you'd not be able to contact her? You could have dodged a bullet, ya never know. If you're feeling down about yourself, and this goes for anyone in the thread, try focusing less on the bads and the past, and focus on the future and the what-could-be's that you can change. You can be more fit, better artist, learn a new hobby, etc. You could find the love of your life in a month, you never know. tl;dr you're being silly because you're better than you think and you shouldn't define yourself by the negatives nor compare yourself like that :>

[QUOTE=Catscratch;47813041]I only just noticed how much I resemble Captain America. American, willing to fight for friends, fails at stopping Hydra fully. [/QUOTE] To be honest, the only reason I haven't killed myself was for the sake of not hurting friends, but that's it. I still think the idea of killing myself is genuinely appealing though.

I just got the wonderful surprise that is finding out my driving test is a week from now. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. There's so much on the line, and I bet I'm going to fail again for something stupidly simple, but important.

[QUOTE=Fulsam;47813382]I just got the wonderful surprise that is finding out my driving test is a week from now. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. There's so much on the line, and I bet I'm going to fail again for something stupidly simple, but important.[/QUOTE] I failed mine 2 times before I got it. You can do it.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;47812923]I only just noticed how much I resemble Chris Chan. Autistic, bad artist, tries to get a girlfriend but fails every time, the list goes on.[/QUOTE] dear lord you are NOTHING like that guy. Autism doesn't define you like Chris Chan lets it define himself. You are very far from a bad artist from what I've seen. And the girlfriend thing is silly. Just because you want a girlfriend doesn't mean you're a loser like Chris. Trust me, guy. Chris has ruined his life like no one else can, and there's no way you're going to become what he is or anything. You're a nice guy. Don't compare yourself. Just KNOW yourself.