Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

This is petty really, but my bf and his friend went to a wedding this morning, and we talk everyday somehow or another, but today he didn't respond. Not in the morning, afternoon, or 12 AM. His phone is off ( and probably dead, idk maybe, since he was spending the night last night with his friend and possibly tonight), he has't been on Facepunch all day which is a record, and I'm just worried sick about them both; my paranoia, and anxiety is really getting to me tonight, my nerves just won't calm down. I'm trying to think about it reasonably, like his phone is just dead is all, and he spent another night, so he didn't have his phone charger...I really really hope to God that's the reason why they haven't contacted me, I'm getting this sick feeling something terrible happened to them, but how unlikely is that, right..? Fuck I keep replaying a voicemail just to hear my bf's voice, and I've left like 3-4 voicemail's, this is literally making me like, so sick to my stomach. [editline]31st May 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=magicactus;47843499]This is petty really, but my bf and his friend went to a wedding this morning, and we talk everyday somehow or another, but today he didn't respond. Not in the morning, afternoon, or 12 AM. His phone is off ( and probably dead, idk maybe, since he was spending the night last night with his friend and possibly tonight), he has't been on Facepunch all day which is a record, and I'm just worried sick about them both; my paranoia, and anxiety is really getting to me tonight, my nerves just won't calm down. I'm trying to think about it reasonably, like his phone is just dead is all, and he spent another night, so he didn't have his phone charger...I really really hope to God that's the reason why they haven't contacted me, I'm getting this sick feeling something terrible happened to them, but how unlikely is that, right..? Fuck I keep replaying a voicemail just to hear my bf's voice, and I've left like 3-4 voicemail's, this is literally making me like, so sick to my stomach.[/QUOTE] I thought I'd update this now; well, none of them have answered still, but I found closure when I saw that his friend had been on steam like two or so hours ago, so I'm guessing they are still spending the night with each other, and that his phone really is just dead. What a fucking relief, still wish he would contacted me, or had already tho

Not sure how much longer I have to decide, but soon I'm going to have to decide if I move almost 2 hours away from home with my Dad, or somehow try to find a way to stay in the current city I live in. My dad looked a house near where he works. He said it's two bedroom 1 bath. Neither of us are thrilled about the one bathroom situation, as we both like to have our own. He also said the bedrooms are kind of small. He also doesn't like how "close" he is to neighbors (our current house is positioned in such a way that puts us away from other houses, which is nice). But if he moved there, he would be 4 miles away from his work. I have no idea what kind of opportunities lie for me if I go up there with him, but I really don't want to move away from my cousin. She doesn't really have friends to hang out with, and usually spends her time taking care of her horses. We live next to each other so it's easy for either of us to walk to each other's house and hang out when we want. The other problem is that basically all my family lives in this city, besides my brother. My sister has a kid and by god does he look up to me for some reason. He think I'm just the world to him, and I haven't done anything exciting so I have no idea where he gets that from. I don't really want to move away from that either (even though I can only stand kids for so long lol). My mom also lives across the street, and she already hates that I don't talk to her enough. Despite what I tell people, I've hardly packed. Fuck the bank and housing system. I don't understand why we have to re-pay for the house after we've been living here for 20 years. $117,000. Fuck that.

Hopefully someone can give me some advice or something concerning a problem I'm having, I've tried googling it to find people with similar problems but it's just not happening. I have a lot of physical ailments. Adhesive capsulitis, extreme lower back and hip pain, an unidentified foot condition; if it hurts and makes you walk funny, I have it. I look and feel like an elderly man because of it. I've struggled on and off with depression since Junior High and this certainly isn't helping. After graduating High School my ailments have gotten so bad that I am only able to work 20 hours a week or so due to the crippling pain. It has also ruined my social life both with friends and women and as the medical bills pile up and I'm sent to specialist after specialist and months in physical therapy with no noticeable improvement, I'm beginning to accept that I may be crippled or diseased, perhaps permanently. I am fully aware that this makes me extremely undesirable romantically. In the past when I was not in such bad shape, I had a girlfriend for about two years. The relationship ended on good terms, but I was left feeling empty. I filled that void with a new woman, but she eventually ended our relationship. Despite our short time together, I have never felt more complete as a person than I did with this woman. She lied to convince me that she had no time for a relationship due to college (something I can never hope to afford at the moment) and then immediately began a new relationship. This has been one of the most haunting moments of my life, I continue to obsess over my failures and regrets from this. I've had nightmares about this. The point of all of this is that my disabilities, lack of self-esteem, bad experiences, and physical unattractiveness are causing me to believe I may never find a suitable partner. It's causing me so much grief. I often stare blankly at the wall or random things in my room, just thinking about the idea of being alone. I'm so apathetic at times that it deeply concerns me. Other times I feel like sleeping for days because I can't muster the will to do anything else. I hate dumping this huge text wall and sounding like a massive crybaby but I have no one to speak to about this. I am hoping another FPer who is also going through what I am can help me with ways to cope with being disabled, single, and depressed. Maybe if I can learn more and accept my limitations, I can find peace.

I'm noticing a link between the days when I feel really depressed and anxious and the nights I take sleeping pills. Can sleeping pills amplify depression and anxiety?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47846172]I'm noticing a link between the days when I feel really depressed and anxious and the nights I take sleeping pills. Can sleeping pills amplify depression and anxiety?[/QUOTE] Specify sleeping pills, what is their name?

I don't really know anywhere else where I can ask this, so I'd appreciate an answer because I'm unsure if it's work taking a doctors time to get checked out. For the past while, I've been feeling more and more like some waste of space. I honestly feel completely out of place and unwanted anywhere. I cannot talk to my step dad because no matter what we just cannot get along. I've never been able to have a relationship with any girl in my life ever, no matter how much or how hard I try. These two nights I've just been wondering if I can overdose on the ibuprofen on my desk (turns out you can't, who'd have guessed) and I just feel like I want to get in the fetal position, cry and sleep forever. I struggle to keep myself distracted from the way I feel and it's slowly making me more bitter and shameless. I just feel like I don't care anymore, and I want to cut all ties with any person and just live in solitude. I know no matter how hard I try I'll always be a mistake, and that so very few people care for me. I just don't know what to do. Should I seek help? What should I do?

Yeah, get an appointment with a doctor, it is definitely worth it. Better to do it "early" than too late.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;47847531]Yeah, get an appointment with a doctor, it is definitely worth it. Better to do it "early" than too late.[/QUOTE] Thank you, I'll try and get one as soon as I can. I have a feeling they'll just roll me out of the door calling it a mood swing or something because of my age though. I'm also really worried about taking up time someone else might need more.

Had a good week and half depression and illness free, then all of a sudden I have to house-sit while my girlfriend and her parents are away and they both go to shit at the same time.

Ugh I keep getting this shitty moods where I lose interest in everything, feel like shit, and just want to lay down and do nothing. I'm playing games and doing the things that normally make me happy but they're so uninteresting and I don't know why. The only thing keeping me sort of happy is forcing myself do things that barely interest me, because it's like the only thing I want to do at all. I have a feeling it's the depression coming back again and I've heard that this happens but I hate it. I heard that things can go amazing for long periods of time and then you go back into your old ways and I think that's what's going on here. I'm on a few medications which have helped me over an entire year, but it's like every day I'm slowly losing my ability to tolerate the bad moods. A few times I've changed/added medications based on what the psychiatrist thinks, and I always get better for a while and then go back to stupid swinging moods and no interest in anything. I told my aunt that it feels like changing the medicines is just a placebo effect and it eventually wears off, and I feel super negative about the future. I feel like no medicine is going to be right for me and that this is just how things have to be. I can't just be happy and enjoy life, I have to always have these dumb mood swings where I get sad and lose interest in everything and it's never going to change. The only thing really keeping me positive is the fact that before my first ever pill a year ago, I felt even worse than I do now so I know the medicine is working. It just feels like it isn't enough and I personally think it's my attitude on life that's keeping me down since every time I change my medicine it always comes back to the same shit. I feel like it's my fault I feel this way and I don't know how to change it. My aunt tells me it's the medication and there will be a right combination eventually but I have such a shitty outlook on things that I feel like nothing will change no matter what me and the doctors try. I don't know. I just feel stupid for feeling so shitty with no reason at all. Like I should be so happy and carefree since I have pretty much no responsibilities at all and I have no reason to feel stressed. I don't have school or work or anything and I feel like I should be enjoying it since other people have actual reasons to feel bad. It's annoying and I hate it.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;47846278]Specify sleeping pills, what is their name?[/QUOTE]Unisom SleepGels.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;47849922]Unisom SleepGels.[/QUOTE] Apparently that line of sleeping pill contains DPH, and DPH does have links to increased heart rate and irritability. From my experience with drugs DPH can be pretty rough. If you feel you need sleeping pills still maybe try something like Melatonin or Promethazine, because I've used those and they seemed to not have many negative effects

[QUOTE=strayebyrd;47852144]Apparently that line of sleeping pill contains DPH, and DPH does have links to increased heart rate and irritability. From my experience with drugs DPH can be pretty rough. If you feel you need sleeping pills still maybe try something like Melatonin or Promethazine, because I've used those and they seemed to not have many negative effects[/QUOTE]Ah, so they could be causing issues, I better ditch them then.

[QUOTE=New Cidem;47843885]Hopefully someone can give me some advice or something concerning a problem I'm having, I've tried googling it to find people with similar problems but it's just not happening. I have a lot of physical ailments. Adhesive capsulitis, extreme lower back and hip pain, an unidentified foot condition; if it hurts and makes you walk funny, I have it. I look and feel like an elderly man because of it. I've struggled on and off with depression since Junior High and this certainly isn't helping. After graduating High School my ailments have gotten so bad that I am only able to work 20 hours a week or so due to the crippling pain. It has also ruined my social life both with friends and women and as the medical bills pile up and I'm sent to specialist after specialist and months in physical therapy with no noticeable improvement, I'm beginning to accept that I may be crippled or diseased, perhaps permanently. I am fully aware that this makes me extremely undesirable romantically. In the past when I was not in such bad shape, I had a girlfriend for about two years. The relationship ended on good terms, but I was left feeling empty. I filled that void with a new woman, but she eventually ended our relationship. Despite our short time together, I have never felt more complete as a person than I did with this woman. She lied to convince me that she had no time for a relationship due to college (something I can never hope to afford at the moment) and then immediately began a new relationship. This has been one of the most haunting moments of my life, I continue to obsess over my failures and regrets from this. I've had nightmares about this. The point of all of this is that my disabilities, lack of self-esteem, bad experiences, and physical unattractiveness are causing me to believe I may never find a suitable partner. It's causing me so much grief. I often stare blankly at the wall or random things in my room, just thinking about the idea of being alone. I'm so apathetic at times that it deeply concerns me. Other times I feel like sleeping for days because I can't muster the will to do anything else. I hate dumping this huge text wall and sounding like a massive crybaby but I have no one to speak to about this. I am hoping another FPer who is also going through what I am can help me with ways to cope with being disabled, single, and depressed. Maybe if I can learn more and accept my limitations, I can find peace.[/QUOTE] I know how you feel. Ever since last spring my body has started breaking down in all kinds of ways, I've got upper back pain, my shoulders have started snapping, clicking, and now lately hurting every now and then (thankfully training with rubber bands are helping), one of my toes has started hurting, my ankles have started snapping as well as one of my wrists. My mind wanders, I can't focus properly, my vision goes blurry and I just end up staring, I've got a hard time appreciating things, be it nature or friends. The worst thing about that is that I start friendly relationships with people and then just end it at that, I don't keep up with my old friends as much as I should. I just look for new things without appreciating them. Something's up with my mind for sure. My memory isn't that good, I'm arrogant and never think things through (I blame this on all the years being bullied and hiding myself behind a computer screen, completely warping my view on all things social and the world), I do weird things without thinking of the consequences, I get brain fog, when I need to think my mind just goes blank, I get apathetic, the list goes on and on. There are mental problems on both sides of my family and I started noticing mine after smoking weed for about a year on and off, but I think they really started after I tried shrooms. The symptoms get worse every now and then, then I bounce back up and feel good for a short while and then go down again. My mood is like a pendulum. I love working with my body and lifting things since I am very strong but I can't since my back is broken. It's like my body doesn't repair itself like it should. I've lost 50kg since spring 2012 and I've been working on improving myself, but it's a bitch when all this is weighing me down. I just go around thinking negative thoughts. While I seem optimistic on the outside that isn't the case at all. I just want to be alone, but I don't. I want to be with fun people and just go around doing fun things. I'm split. Oh, last week I went out with a girl and we hit it off great, laughed and had fun, decided we should meet again and then hugged each other as we parted ways. Now she doesn't seem interested at all, I asked her when she wanted to meet up and she won't even answer. You're not alone, Cidem. If you want to, hit me up on steam. [editline]1st June 2015[/editline] I haven't woken up feeling refreshed in about a month and a half now, I'm always tired... [editline]1st June 2015[/editline] My outlook on the future is bad, I keep thinking up future reasons to end myself. Like my body breaking down to the point of being on constant pain, or my mind being so scrambled there's no point in living. I'm not really seeing myself living a long life.

[QUOTE=KillerTele;47855175]I know how you feel. Ever since last spring my body has started breaking down in all kinds of ways, I've got upper back pain, my shoulders have started snapping, clicking, and now lately hurting every now and then (thankfully training with rubber bands are helping), one of my toes has started hurting, my ankles have started snapping as well as one of my wrists. My mind wanders, I can't focus properly, my vision goes blurry and I just end up staring, I've got a hard time appreciating things, be it nature or friends. The worst thing about that is that I start friendly relationships with people and then just end it at that, I don't keep up with my old friends as much as I should. I just look for new things without appreciating them. Something's up with my mind for sure. My memory isn't that good, I'm arrogant and never think things through (I blame this on all the years being bullied and hiding myself behind a computer screen, completely warping my view on all things social and the world), I do weird things without thinking of the consequences, I get brain fog, when I need to think my mind just goes blank, I get apathetic, the list goes on and on. There are mental problems on both sides of my family and I started noticing mine after smoking weed for about a year on and off, but I think they really started after I tried shrooms. The symptoms get worse every now and then, then I bounce back up and feel good for a short while and then go down again. My mood is like a pendulum. I love working with my body and lifting things since I am very strong but I can't since my back is broken. It's like my body doesn't repair itself like it should. I've lost 50kg since spring 2012 and I've been working on improving myself, but it's a bitch when all this is weighing me down. I just go around thinking negative thoughts. While I seem optimistic on the outside that isn't the case at all. I just want to be alone, but I don't. I want to be with fun people and just go around doing fun things. I'm split. Oh, last week I went out with a girl and we hit it off great, laughed and had fun, decided we should meet again and then hugged each other as we parted ways. Now she doesn't seem interested at all, I asked her when she wanted to meet up and she won't even answer. You're not alone, Cidem. If you want to, hit me up on steam. [editline]1st June 2015[/editline] I haven't woken up feeling refreshed in about a month and a half now, I'm always tired... [editline]1st June 2015[/editline] My outlook on the future is bad, I keep thinking up future reasons to end myself. Like my body breaking down to the point of being on constant pain, or my mind being so scrambled there's no point in living. I'm not really seeing myself living a long life.[/QUOTE] Man, I've been there. Everything, right down to great first dates followed by her cutting contact completely. I hate this constant state of romantic limbo, and I hate this encroaching feeling of getting weaker and weaker. I hope you can find some medical help for your problems, I visit the physical therapy center and I have scheduled a rheumatologist appointment in the future.

I don't know how much longer I can deal with myself. I'm a lazy piece of crap, I've tried get started on my research project for the past two weeks and can't even last 3 minutes before closing it. I feel like I'm slipping back into depression, basically spend hours every night thinking of a different way to kill myself on loop in my head. To be honest if I had a way that wouldn't bother my family or the person who discovered me I'd dp it in a heartbeat. I've already had to interrupt my study for anxiety, depression and stress and not even 3 weeks after I was cleared as fit to be back I want to end it all I love the course but I just cannot get motivated. Im not trying to shift blame, I am at fault here but I can't sleep and I can't think and all I do is eat and clean. At least I have a tiny interest in games again because otherwise I'd do nothing at all but it's all bland. I don't even know I'm not thinking it's just a stream. I mean I have like 2 friends I tell everything to but even so I dunno they have their own issues and I know I bother tgem and make them feel worse so I dunno.

Drinking is never enough

[QUOTE=Nifae;47840816]Were you intentionally trying to sound cold? Because you did. If you don't have first-hand experience with disorders of the mind then of course you will have questions, but you don't need to make remarks that, in someone's altered state (depression), could be taken in a negative way. I'll get to writing that post I talked about earlier when I get high enough to think about it clearly.[/QUOTE] I was depressed and suicidal then I took Zoloft and I feel great. [editline]2nd June 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Qaus;47842662]Zoloft won't get me out of debt.[/QUOTE] How did you get into that debt though?

I had a big health scare earlier this year which needed treatment for a majority of the year which caused me to really close myself off from a lot of people just pretty much isolate myself spending a majority of time in my room on the computer. after finishing up treatment I started to feel a little better and got a job for a little bit but eventually quit that. Now I can feel myself going back to spending a majority of time on the computer, going out once or twice a week to see a close friend but other than that ya. I have like 2 close friends left and i just feel lonely and worthless. I'm working on upgrading classes to apply for college this September but I just get so down some days and want to reach out to people to do something but social anxiety is keeping me from doing that. sorry just wanted to vent

[QUOTE=madnath619;47847798]Thank you, I'll try and get one as soon as I can. I have a feeling they'll just roll me out of the door calling it a mood swing or something because of my age though. I'm also really worried about taking up time someone else might need more.[/QUOTE] Update on the situation, they've diagnosed me with depression and anxiety so they've put me on citalopram.

[QUOTE=madnath619;47865104]Update on the situation, they've diagnosed me with depression and anxiety so they've put me on citalopram.[/QUOTE] I hope this is the beginning of a positive change for you.

-snoi[[o[p-

[QUOTE=Sungrazer;47861343]I was depressed and suicidal then I took Zoloft and I feel great.[/QUOTE] Congrats, you got depression that was the result of a chemical imbalance under control! I'm glad you feel better. Now I want you to read through the entire thread and count how many people that are depressed due to chemical imbalance and rethink your global zoloft suggestion. [QUOTE=Sungrazer;47861343]How did you get into that debt though?[/QUOTE] Because banks are lying sacks of shit that will go back on their word because they have too much legal immunities (read: financial immunities). I was supposed to have a college student account that doesn't allow overdrawing/overdrafting, all attempted transactions that would result in that would be denied. I actually relied on this when messing around with a false purchase just to save debit card info on a website. Lo and behold the transaction went through and I 'owe' my bank $50 because they can't remember what I signed up for. I called them to tell them that the purchase shouldn't have even gone through and that I shouldn't owe them $50. The customer 'service' representative looked through my account info and told me that I'm probably lying to cheat their system and after a few rounds of blame hot potato they just hang up on me. $50 may not sound like a lot to most people but when your annual income is about twice that...

I'm failing my classes when I feel like I'm trying my hardest. I'm just stuck in this limbo between feeling like I can never accomplish the goals I need to get into my career and the pain involved in actually ending my life in any method. I haven't finished a project I've set for myself in years. My motivation is just gone. I don't know what to do with myself. I just don't see the point in life at all anymore vs. nonexistance.

the only reason im still here is because i know my family would be upset if i was gone ive been by myself, without any friends, for 6 years. im failing senior year because i have no motivation for anything and none of my medication works, and my parents are beyond disappointed in me. i doubt that things would ever really get better

i keep dreaming about crying

I got my papers regarding my diagnosis this Monday, so I guess there's no doubt anymore. I'm officially, officially schizophrenic. it's odd to hear and it's even odder to say "I'm schizophrenic.". it's one of those things you believe would never happen to you, one of those things you only hear about but never get to experience first hand. I still don't quite believe it myself even though I know it's true. I suppose I'm officially insane? in other news, I'll be switching from Abilify to some other meds I've forgotten the name of next week. I'm concerned as weight gain is a common side effect with it so I'll need to get better when it comes to what I eat and what I do. hopefully this new medicine will get rid of this feeling of everything being unreal so I can actually function, making everything easier.

Wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, but I was off my adhd meds for 3 days and got all anxious ad depressed again. One of the weirder things though is that I started code switching into British English super easily. Has anyone else found depression and anxiety to make them code switch? I lived in England years ago but have never done this before [editline]3rd June 2015[/editline] It shouldn't stress me out but it sorta does, I have no control over it and it comes up in embarrassing times. Also can make me look like I'm mocking British customers at work. [editline]3rd June 2015[/editline] Although tbh this is like the least of my worries in terms of psychological changes as of late

I have figured something out that I am quite fragile, I have some people I consider more than friends that keep me tethered to stop me flying off the handle but I can't tell them how I really feel because I find it deeply embarrassing, they put up with my shit and help me through all my happy times and truly grueling depressive times, we all help each other out and when I realize that "Maybe today I was a little isolated, I didn't seem very friendly and was snappy." that doesn't help at all, then I start to feel unworthy of their love and respect. While I wait for the NHS to put me on the path to sorting myself out with a therapist I am continuously overcome with guilty that I can never treat these people right, I will repeatedly shoot myself in the foot and alienate them again and again and again, cry myself to sleep over it and work the relationship back up again. How can I justify losing my shit because I took a joke the wrong way and took it personally, I can't but they seem to understand, but I don't understand their sympathy. I guess I don't understand how much I love these people until I've lost the love they gave me. Fuck.

I feel like I'm fucked up beyond help. I know that a diagnosis is just a description of a problem that's already there, but knowing that I actually suffer from schizophrenia is such a terrible feeling. I feel like I won't recover, that I'll forever be stuck in this weird limbo between dreaming and being awake. nothing I do feels real anymore, everything feels like some sort of bad dream. when I spoke with my therapist today I was on the edge of tearing up. I nearly begun tearing up just now. I don't know why, but I have a feeling it's something to do with the diagnosis. I can't look people in the eyes anymore. it just feels uncomfortable. I can barely hold conversations with people since what I do doesn't feel real. even worse to think that I'll most likely suffer from this for a while. only 25% of people diagnosed with schizophrenia actually recover from it. the rest has to live with it. I try to remain optimistic since I believe optimism is very important when it comes to mental issues, but god if it isn't hard right now. [editline]4th June 2015[/editline] I still feel like I can't believe I'm actually schizophrenic. am I experiencing denial? I have no idea. should have mentioned that to my therapist today