Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;47906324]Think I'm falling into a darker phase of my depression again. The sertraline I'm taking doesn't seem to do me too much good and the therapy group I'm going to isn't helping and I'm getting nowhere in life. I don't want to wake up in the mornings and when I'm up I want the day to be over so that I can go to sleep again. [editline]8th June 2015[/editline] I feel like a worthless piece of organic tissue with no purpose and I'm beginning to feel an urge to get drunk badly, not that it'd help.[/QUOTE] What is the most difficult thing for you to handle or bear? My darkest times it was constant fatigue and rumination - negative thinking that wasn't based on any evidence and reality. I found difficult to acknowledge my strengths and those little things I am happy and grateful in my life. [editline]8th June 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=MissingNoGuy;47904285]seems all i do is annoy the crap out of everyone and scare others off why am i still breathing[/QUOTE] What happened? :smile:

[QUOTE=Cha;47907122]What is the most difficult thing for you to handle or bear? My darkest times it was constant fatigue and rumination - negative thinking that wasn't based on any evidence and reality. I found difficult to acknowledge my strengths and those little things I am happy and grateful in my life.[/QUOTE] I can't do anything that requires any amount of effort, can't live an organized life, can't achieve any of my goals I just keep failing so I barely even have any anymore. I can't focus on anything or commit to anything and when things get stressful I just shut down and isolate myself from the world around me. The adult life just isn't for me, not that I can really count my life as an adult life as I still live with my mom and have never had a job.

I can't help but feel like a bother whenever I contact friends, or more specifically friend. I'm not sure if I should blame myself or them for it. I feel that they're sort of unstable and hard to read at times, while I know I suffer myself from self esteem issues so it might just be that. I find him hard to read due to all the messing around and how unclear he can be at times. I want to ask if he wants to play something or just do something, but I have a strong feeling it's gonna be no. I feel that every time I ask, it's always a no or an unclear answer which forces me to nag to get a proper response which ends in no. [editline]8th June 2015[/editline] its in moments like these I feel so incredibly lonely. all I got is this one guy, and whenever I feel like it's tough to talk to him or moments like above arise, I have no one else. if I want to do something and he says no, its enough to shatter me. I wish I had a larger selection of friends to pick from so I didn't get so tied up to one guy. its great that we have the relation we do, I wouldn't wish that to be any less, but it hurts having only one guy to rely on.

[QUOTE=PredGD;47907595]I can't help but feel like a bother whenever I contact friends, or more specifically friend. I'm not sure if I should blame myself or them for it. I feel that they're sort of unstable and hard to read at times, while I know I suffer myself from self esteem issues so it might just be that. I find him hard to read due to all the messing around and how unclear he can be at times. I want to ask if he wants to play something or just do something, but I have a strong feeling it's gonna be no. I feel that every time I ask, it's always a no or an unclear answer which forces me to nag to get a proper response which ends in no. [editline]8th June 2015[/editline] its in moments like these I feel so incredibly lonely. all I got is this one guy, and whenever I feel like it's tough to talk to him or moments like above arise, I have no one else. if I want to do something and he says no, its enough to shatter me. I wish I had a larger selection of friends to pick from so I didn't get so tied up to one guy. its great that we have the relation we do, I wouldn't wish that to be any less, but it hurts having only one guy to rely on.[/QUOTE] I just thought of something that might be positive for you. Have you thought about getting something to take care of? I was thinking about pets, but if you don't feel comfortable with that it can be something as simple as plants. Maybe even a single plant. Even this little change where there is a living thing relying on you to show up and take care of it can have a pretty big effect.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;47907827]I just thought of something that might be positive for you. Have you thought about getting something to take care of? I was thinking about pets, but if you don't feel comfortable with that it can be something as simple as plants. Maybe even a single plant. Even this little change where there is a living thing relying on you to show up and take care of it can have a pretty big effect.[/QUOTE] I have three cats, but they're very independent which doesn't really cover it. I was thinking of getting a dog, but I still live at home and the idea isn't very popular here. I think a dog would be a great idea, so I would have something to care for and someone to care for me like you said. still need to do some convincing however, plus I need to be out of the ward fulltime so I can actually care for it first.

Maybe look into a reptile or fish even! They're independent, but still rely on you a lot. I have a turtle and she's a bit of work but she's fun to take care of.

Oh boy having random anxiety again. Not even sure what but I've got that horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach, some weird shoulder pain, and I'm like having a fuckin hot flash. I have tons of shit to do today and was gonna take my medications, but I've taken when feeling slightly anxious before and it really amplifies everything and makes the anxiety even worse. Big portfolio thingy due tonight and I can't seem to calm down. I even feel physically ill and in pain from all of this.

Could also get guinea pigs, they're not that bad to take care of and are really cute and social, I've had a couple for years myself.

A rat would be an interesting idea. You'd probably want a pair of the same gender, for their own benefit, but a rat is an intelligent, clean creature, from what I have heard they are very loving and can be playful or lazy depending, they have characters. I really want a pair of rats, but current place is no pets. Maybe when I get a job. I'm not joking by the way, some people nickname them little dogs, there's a lot of "oh, a rat, eww!" when really the domestic rat is bred and when properly raised is an awesome pet.

I feel so alone. I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. No one wants to talk to me, no one wants to love me, no one wants to give me a chance to love... I'm just stuck. I'm not happy.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;47907266]I can't do anything that requires any amount of effort, can't live an organized life, can't achieve any of my goals I just keep failing so I barely even have any anymore. I can't focus on anything or commit to anything and when things get stressful I just shut down and isolate myself from the world around me. The adult life just isn't for me, not that I can really count my life as an adult life as I still live with my mom and have never had a job.[/QUOTE] Sounds familiar :downs: We have depression. It's a some kind of mental state and it doesn't define who we are as a person. You posted earlier medicine and group session didn't help you. I'm wondering what kind of help you need you can feel you've been helped. - What can I do for you? [editline]9th June 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Tmaxx;47912193]I feel so alone. I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. No one wants to talk to me, no one wants to love me, no one wants to give me a chance to love... I'm just stuck. I'm not happy.[/QUOTE] What do you want to talk about? :downs:

[QUOTE=Cha;47913327]Sounds familiar :downs: We have depression. It's a some kind of mental state and it's not define who we are as a person. You posted earlier medicine and group session didn't help you. I'm wondering what kind of help you need you can feel you've been helped. - What can I (or the others) to do for you?[/QUOTE] I get what you're saying, and I appreciate the effort, but I think I just haven't found the right way to deal with my depression and I'm beginning to suspect that there is some other condition or underlying issue that is the cause behind my depression. I think I may have ADHDPI, but I'm gonna have to see my doctor to evaluate my situation, I've been trying to fight my depression for years with no success and I'm wondering if I've been misdiagnosed from the very start.

Just hanging there. Reevaluation sounds good. I believe everyone of us has strengths. For me it took seven years to heal. The self hypnosis and therapy worked at best and I had DDNOS.

It's so weird, going from suicidally depressed almost every day for a year to bouncing and energetic and positive. It's pretty indescribable.

I've got this, weird feeling in my chest. And every time I try to not focus on it I nearly cry And it's getting tedious

every time my mom tells me "you're a grown adult man" i feel like punching a hole in the wall

it bugs me how little control i have over my emotions and negative thought patterns, no matter how rational i try to be about it. even though i'm much happier and more confident than i used to be in school, and my mental health has improved a lot in the past year and a half or so, i still have this inherent pessimistic outlook on life and it's just natural for me to assume the worst and blame myself for things.

[QUOTE=Qaus;47913999]every time my mom tells me "you're a grown adult man" i feel like punching a hole in the wall[/QUOTE] Mine constantly says the same to me, or to "Be a man and grow up". That's fine and dandy, but being reactive instead of preventive of what's causing our trouble doesn't help very much.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;47913364]I get what you're saying, and I appreciate the effort, but I think I just haven't found the right way to deal with my depression and I'm beginning to suspect that there is some other condition or underlying issue that is the cause behind my depression. I think I may have ADHDPI, but I'm gonna have to see my doctor to evaluate my situation, I've been trying to fight my depression for years with no success and I'm wondering if I've been misdiagnosed from the very start.[/QUOTE] One of the key things for me in realizing my Depression was comorbid or secondary to my ADHD was the fact that it was failings caused by my ADHD symptoms that depressed me, and especially those in academics. I can say for a fact that I haven't felt depressed since starting medications, but be careful with stimulants since they do amplify anxiety and that is something that has been affecting me.

[QUOTE=Awesomecaek;47889910]I really struggle to post this here after reading some of the previous posts as they make me feel like my issues are so unimportant in comparison to others here[/QUOTE] Lots of people here seem to share a similar sentiment, myself included. I feel like the issues that make me depressed are either entirely my fault, or are really stupid little things that a normal person would never get so worked up about. I have a very difficult time talking about my depression because whenever i do the little voice in my head tells me to quit being so dramatic and quit trying to seek attention. But depression isn't a contest, and anyone who tries to tell you that your problems are meaningless because some people have it worse probably wasn't worth talking to about it in the first place. I'm not sure what to say about getting one's ego under control, as I never had much of one myself. I guess I kind of view myself as a tool or a chew toy for others to manipulate or play with, because I'm not good enough on my own to be worth anything. Perhaps you could start reading into Buddhist philosophies or other such things that deal with the nature of the ego, you might find good advice there. Getting though the "my problems are silly and meaningless" barrier and just really opening up with people should also be helpful. It's difficult to do that, but I think that's a major roadblock to recovery for many people who are depressed. You could also try taking a ton of magic mushrooms to destroy your ego entirely :v: (don't do that)

I still have rough patches (but that's normal of course and should be expected) but in general my life has just become so much better and my anxiety/depression has near enough got to the point where it doesn't even affect me at all anymore. I failed school under the stress and am now starting an apprenticeship doing the thing I enjoy most. The tiny things that I wouldn't even find that great are now causing me to be even more happy such as things to look forward to and change. A few years ago I was put in hospital several times and its hard to look back on considering how much has changed. I'm really not trying to brag, but if anyone is my age or younger (17) and feels despair I promise you that things will work out because they did for me and are continuing to as I speak. I believe that life is a bit like a wave and in order for me and a lot of others who struggle to find happiness to cope the key is getting the ups and downs to mediate it towards the middle line. I may be a naive teenager but I am happy and I think everyone else can be.

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;47913687]I've got this, weird feeling in my chest. And every time I try to not focus on it I nearly cry And it's getting tedious[/QUOTE] I get that when I'm feeling really sad (like genuinly sad, not depressed/anxious/mellow) and try hard to keep myself from crying, which doesn't happen often. My best advice if that's the case is to just let it out and cry for a while.

My friend with OCD had the most violent outburst he's had since I've known him yesterday, and over a relatively mundane thing. I'm a bit scared to be around him now because I feel like he's in a state where it's really easy for him to snap I've been recommending he stop smoking weed and maybe get higher dosage/more suitable meds, or even see a therapist, but none of it seems to have gotten through. I'm worried that it's getting to a point where nothing but serious medical intervention is going to help [editline]9th June 2015[/editline] does anyone know if there's anything more suitable for severe OCD with anxiety than citalopram?

[QUOTE=GreenLynx;47914553]Mine constantly says the same to me, or to "Be a man and grow up". That's fine and dandy, but being reactive instead of preventive of what's causing our trouble doesn't help very much.[/QUOTE] i won't actually punch a hole in the wall, i've only had 2 reactionary destructive incidents in my life and felt terrible for what i've done immediately after. and in my case, preventing her from talking to me that way isn't really up to me. my mom is calling me a man to spite me because i'm transgender and she doesn't seem to like it. even resorting to (attempted) guilt tripping me for telling her she's being offensive. "i'm sorry but you'll always be my son!" *crocodile tears* i try to stay civilized and explain to her why i find it offensive and that if she were to say the same thing to another transperson they'd probably explode at her, but it always comes down to "i only know transphobia." (paraphrasing) at this point all i can do is tell her to shut up [I]on occasion[/I] because i don't want to deal with the "you don't tell me to shut up" bullshit every time she uses the wrong word, spite or not. and in writing this i realized how conflicting it is to tell someone to be more adult when in the next breath she could very well treat me like a child and police my tone or demands.

[QUOTE=Qaus;47915237]i won't actually punch a hole in the wall, i've only had 2 reactionary destructive incidents in my life and felt terrible for what i've done immediately after. and in my case, preventing her from talking to me that way isn't really up to me. my mom is calling me a man to spite me because i'm transgender and she doesn't seem to like it. even resorting to (attempted) guilt tripping me for telling her she's being offensive. "i'm sorry but you'll always be my son!" *crocodile tears* i try to stay civilized and explain to her why i find it offensive and that if she were to say the same thing to another transperson they'd probably explode at her, but it always comes down to "i only know transphobia." (paraphrasing) at this point all i can do is tell her to shut up [I]on occasion[/I] because i don't want to deal with the "you don't tell me to shut up" bullshit every time she uses the wrong word, spite or not. and in writing this i realized how conflicting it is to tell someone to be more adult when in the next breath she could very well treat me like a child and police my tone or demands.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry you have to deal with this sort of shit, its a far lower magnitude but a lot of my family and my father don't believe ADHD is real and that its made up for the sake of keeping kids in line (and by me so I can get feel-good meds!). Its not nearly the same magnitude at all, but even that feeling really sucks and makes me feel really shitty. Struggling with that sort of issue that I can't control and being told its not real or that it can't be a thing sucks, because it can make you start to question your own motives. Don't do that- stay strong and realize that your feelings and thoughts about being trans are completely legitimate and have worth and merit. At some point you have to realize that their approval doesn't have to matter to you, and that they can't define who you are. What you identify as if up to you, and their choice to not respect that is theirs alone and shouldn't affect you as it can't change you (only you can). Its not an easy division to make, but I encourage you to really try to make it. It doesn't make it 100% better, but even a small improvement matters quite a bit. And as for treating you like a child, thats the same thing as well. You're being the adult in the situation, you know this, and her calling you a child or treating you like a child doesn't make you one. also if you're still feeling sorta down pm me (or if I'm on steam, contact me there) and I can hook you and friends up with tickets to a mariners game if you like. Getting out of the house and having fun at a game can help loads, and I can get you nice seats for free and would love to do so.

I've been without any promise of future employment for the past week, so I've been trying to keep myself from stressing too hard about it or sitting around all day and letting my anxiety get to me too much. I'm not used to not having a job, so it's pretty stressful. I wanna enjoy my break because I needed one desperately, I'm just afraid that there'll be nothing for me to eventually go back to. So I'm starting to do small workouts at home again. I don't need to lose weight, I'd just like to give myself some sort of physical outlet so I don't get too lazy or too wrapped up in my own head. Maybe I can get some actual visible muscles along the way who knows.

[QUOTE=Pascall;47916090]I've been without any promise of future employment for the past week, so I've been trying to keep myself from stressing too hard about it or sitting around all day and letting my anxiety get to me too much. I'm not used to not having a job, so it's pretty stressful. I wanna enjoy my break because I needed one desperately, I'm just afraid that there'll be nothing for me to eventually go back to. So I'm starting to do small workouts at home again. I don't need to lose weight, I'd just like to give myself some sort of physical outlet so I don't get too lazy or too wrapped up in my own head. Maybe I can get some actual visible muscles along the way who knows.[/QUOTE] I espouse it too much, but long distance running on nice trails and stuff always really helped me. You have to ramp up slowly and make sure to stretch afterwards and stuff, but I found I could just zone out and go into my own head while running and I'd not even notice I'd been running for an hour once I got fit enough. It can really suck building up to high times and such, but the reward is worth it if you ask me. Long distance running on treadmills and on concrete sucks and destroyed my legs, but running on trails gives you nice scenery, variety, and is better on your body.

[QUOTE=paindoc;47916159]I espouse it too much, but long distance running on nice trails and stuff always really helped me. You have to ramp up slowly and make sure to stretch afterwards and stuff, but I found I could just zone out and go into my own head while running and I'd not even notice I'd been running for an hour once I got fit enough. It can really suck building up to high times and such, but the reward is worth it if you ask me. Long distance running on treadmills and on concrete sucks and destroyed my legs, but running on trails gives you nice scenery, variety, and is better on your body.[/QUOTE] I would do that, but I never feel safe going out on my own. Too paranoid for that kind of thing. And I've got knee problems so I'm not the best runner. Most of my cardio is done by playing excessive amounts of Just Dance, as embarrassing as it is. I've always wanted to feel okay enough to just go running whenever I want to, but there are too many factors that keep me from it. And sometimes I feel like I'm just making excuses but I dunno. I'm very small and probably very easy to target if I'm out on my own. I get very paranoid.

[QUOTE=Pascall;47916232]I would do that, but I never feel safe going out on my own. Too paranoid for that kind of thing. And I've got knee problems so I'm not the best runner. Most of my cardio is done by playing excessive amounts of Just Dance, as embarrassing as it is. I've always wanted to feel okay enough to just go running whenever I want to, but there are too many factors that keep me from it. And sometimes I feel like I'm just making excuses but I dunno. I'm very small and probably very easy to target if I'm out on my own. I get very paranoid.[/QUOTE] Its fine, I can completely understand that. Doing any sort of cardio and movement at all is great for you as is, so be proud of that. And I have knee problems as well, so I have to be careful to not push myself very hard anymore as is. Good shoes can sorta help with that, but still.

I feel hopeless socially. my relation to my only friend is tearing at me despite me having a good time while chatting with him. I can understand being tired and not wanting to do something after a days work. I don't work so I got lots of spare time, but he doesn't. I don't know what I want to do with this friendship. as said, it's really tearing me apart. sometimes it feels wisest to just ditch the entire thing so I don't have to live with the feeling of being slowly torn apart. rather work on my self, figure out about my problems. I don't know if it's a good idea though, I really like this guys company. sometimes I wish I was able to just ask someone if they wanted to talk, or add people on steam to get to know them. though I don't feel like I'm that kind of guy who just adds people out of nowhere, nor am I the kind of guy to ask for people to add me. regarding me, I'll start using Zyprexa on Monday and start stepping down on the Abilify simultaneously. I'm really scared of the potential weight gain, diabetes and heart disease from Zyprexa, it's apparently one of the "bad" meds but has a good effect on schizophrenia symptoms. feels like I'm making a deal with the devil. potential weight gain etc for a symptom reduction. I feel so hopeless and lost [editline]9th June 2015[/editline] I feel a strong social need. I need stable people around me