Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

What a time it has been to endure. My dad's been saying those what I'd describe as red phrases for depression (of course you're miserable when you're not even trying & just try to be happy), my best friend and my godfather try to demonize anti-depressants and last night my godfather kept pressing me on the matter of that I should take the offering to move to Australia for work and try to find happiness there. But I can't go there. Not with this depression dragging me down. I couldn't leave my friends behind, they're keeping me afloat. And I want to fix the relationship with my girlfriend. It's going to be really hard, but it's what I want from life. She's someone who made me feel genuinely happy for the first time in my life. I was not many weeks away from offing myself before I met her the first time. And going to Australia. Just "phew". It's at times too hot for me to bear here in Finland. Depression would follow me there too. And the job-prospect my uncle mentioned was trucking coal. I'm really easy to feel horrible about myself. Eco-terrorism would probably not be a good job for my self-esteem. As I told my friends yesterday: If I'd go there; I'd probably kill myself in a few weeks :v:

I know this isn't really a depression related issue, but I definitely have an issue where I know I'm wrong about something but can't handle the fact that I'm wrong and just get annoyed and make stuff up. I don't want to like ignorant ass, how do I beat this thing?

I am a complete phantom. I have no social media whatsoever,not even Facebook. No friends,and i only know my parents since the rest of my family all live far away.I don't even have any pics of me at all except for when i was a child.If i died now i would leave almost no trace on this earth.

Why do people like me? Why do people want to talk to me? All I ever do is mope and play games. I just can't accept that anyone would willingly be around me.

Today fucking sucked. Woke up, feeling like shit and no weed, haven't eaten, etc... felt very very bad, and it only got worse. I had a noose tied out of a dog leash I tied like two weeks ago but when I let a little weight onto it to test it it didn't feel like it would work previously, so I was hesitant to use that method. Instead I basically stumbled crying all the way over to our local police station... obviously I was given help immediately. The dispatcher was worried of course at my state and I said I wanted to talk to a cop, so two of them came and we went into a conference room. A few hours and a mandatory case worker later, I'm being called periodically as check-ins, and one of the officers is going to help me get a job, or try to... so maybe I will actually get helped after all. I feel weak and fragile and I just want it to be over, but I'll keep going.

[QUOTE=Nifae;48161654]Today fucking sucked. Woke up, feeling like shit and no weed, haven't eaten, etc... felt very very bad, and it only got worse. I had a noose tied out of a dog leash I tied like two weeks ago but when I let a little weight onto it to test it it didn't feel like it would work previously, so I was hesitant to use that method. Instead I basically stumbled crying all the way over to our local police station... obviously I was given help immediately. The dispatcher was worried of course at my state and I said I wanted to talk to a cop, so two of them came and we went into a conference room. A few hours and a mandatory case worker later, I'm being called periodically as check-ins, and one of the officers is going to help me get a job, or try to... so maybe I will actually get helped after all. I feel weak and fragile and I just want it to be over, but I'll keep going.[/QUOTE]That's amazing. I wish I had your willpower. Good luck.

[QUOTE=Nifae;48161654]Today fucking sucked. Woke up, feeling like shit and no weed, haven't eaten, etc... felt very very bad, and it only got worse. I had a noose tied out of a dog leash I tied like two weeks ago but when I let a little weight onto it to test it it didn't feel like it would work previously, so I was hesitant to use that method. Instead I basically stumbled crying all the way over to our local police station... obviously I was given help immediately. The dispatcher was worried of course at my state and I said I wanted to talk to a cop, so two of them came and we went into a conference room. A few hours and a mandatory case worker later, I'm being called periodically as check-ins, and one of the officers is going to help me get a job, or try to... so maybe I will actually get helped after all. I feel weak and fragile and I just want it to be over, but I'll keep going.[/QUOTE] What you did was extremely brave. I am not bullshitting you.

[QUOTE=diobono;48156544]I am a complete phantom. I have no social media whatsoever,not even Facebook. No friends,and i only know my parents since the rest of my family all live far away.I don't even have any pics of me at all except for when i was a child.If i died now i would leave almost no trace on this earth.[/QUOTE] Use this as a way to build a character of yourself. I would highly recommend looking at sites like meet-ups to find things that may interest you, this is a great way to socialise with new people in activities you enjoy that could be happening in your town or elsewhere (idk where you live but if you live out of the city, hopefully you have ok public transport, also idk how old you are but ill go with an assumption your a post-graduated school student) If you feel lonely romantically, you can use sites like okcupid to find new people around you. Picture wise, buy a cheap webcam, take a few shots of yourself. I can't really help with self esteem issues, but I think there was something's I saved from tumblr on this stuff. But basically, look at the upsides. You are as you say anonymous, you have the ability to make something great from this if you want to

I feel like I'm stuck in a weird place when it comes to having something to do. I don't really have the excess energy to do a whole lot, yet I feel a strong need to do something as obviously, sitting in a room all day browsing the internet does get old. it's hard to socialize since I struggle to find words when having conversations. its like my brain is only using a small portion of itself. I feel really limited in general due to how little energy I have.

Anyone ever have any intrusive thoughts that seem to get a little too dangerous? Driving during my bad days usually results in my slightly veering off the road because getting into a minor accident that's bad enough to lay me up for a few weeks starts seeming like a great idea but I usually correct myself. I'm just afraid that one day I won't. I try not to drive on those days, but I'm curious if anyone else has things like this.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48164912]Anyone ever have any intrusive thoughts that seem to get a little too dangerous? Driving during my bad days usually results in my slightly veering off the road because getting into a minor accident that's bad enough to lay me up for a few weeks starts seeming like a great idea but I usually correct myself. I'm just afraid that one day I won't. I try not to drive on those days, but I'm curious if anyone else has things like this.[/QUOTE] I'm bothered by them a lot, especially for the past few months. I keep getting these thoughts that would put myself or others in harms way. I'm personally really embarrassed by them since the things these thoughts want me to do are things I don't want at all. I wish I knew of a solution to them, or a way to at least reduce them. I'm not suicidal and I don't want anyone pain, yet these thoughts are coming. I wish I knew the source of them so I at least could work towards getting it fixed

[QUOTE=Pascall;48164912]Anyone ever have any intrusive thoughts that seem to get a little too dangerous? Driving during my bad days usually results in my slightly veering off the road because getting into a minor accident that's bad enough to lay me up for a few weeks starts seeming like a great idea but I usually correct myself. I'm just afraid that one day I won't. I try not to drive on those days, but I'm curious if anyone else has things like this.[/QUOTE] Yes, usually next to train tracks and tall balconies. I've noticed that it's tied to how stressed out I am, the one time it went too far I didn't do anything, not sure why I stopped myself, but I then contacted my partner, and told a good friend about my condition. Talking helps but it's so difficult to talk about, my friend asked me more detailed questions and it was strange to even explain, that or I couldn't put it into words. But it felt betterjust saying *something* Excercise also helps. And bananas. Oh, I also have a piece of paper in my wallet that reads: [Quote] Talk to somebody close Never act immediately, always put time between thought and action Excercise helps Take care of yourself Keep a regular sleep cycle Eat bananas [/quote] I lost it recently, I have to rewrite it on the back of a ticket I keep in my wallet, it was for a show my partner danced at with her dance class. Any old piece of paper is fine though. But whenever my head is filled with fuckery I look at it and it calms me down immensely, dunno why. Specifically the one about putting time between thought and action.

I told my therapist about it last time I was there. I can't visit her very frequently because I lack the money for it but she seemed to just say "oh that's normal" and brush it off. It's like alright, cool, I'm glad it's normal, but I'd like to not have them???? Especially if it's gonna affect my stress levels while driving. But anyway I'm glad I'm not the only one. It freaks me out sometimes.

You can try something similar to what I wrote in my edit to help calm those thoughts down, it can be that note, something to grip like a plush ball or a song, anything that works. I think of it as a thought anchor, and my note works pretty nice for me.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;48161421]Why do people like me? Why do people want to talk to me? All I ever do is mope and play games. I just can't accept that anyone would willingly be around me.[/QUOTE] I know that feeling...the constant and corrosive feeling you get when someone inexplicably pays you any amount of attention or compassion -- a feeling that ultimately sours and discredits the happiness you should be getting from being surrounded by people who look like and act like and say that they like you. It's a very empty feeling...because you can't feel loved by others if you lack the ability to love yourself. My advice would be to grab onto the joy -- no matter how meager -- that you can get from the compassion and contact of those few nice people in your life, and hold it. Cling onto it. Don't be afraid to embrace the good things you have, and fool yourself for a moment that they're all around you, whether they are or not. Being happy isn't always a choice, and for people in your situation, it might rarely ever be. But you have to believe genuinely that the people around you do care for you, and understand that you're someone worth caring for. I wish you luck, friend.

fuck this shit sertraline fucking shit

[QUOTE=MingeCrab;48166562]fuck this shit sertraline fucking shit[/QUOTE] I take Sertraline atm, and my dad did for a couple of weeks before he died, are you having bad side effects?

If it's the side effects, they'll mostly wear off in a couple of weeks or months.

Intrusive thoughts getting a lot worse. I'm now accidentally spending a huge portion of my day casually picturing committing suicide. It's really scary.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48168614]Intrusive thoughts getting a lot worse. I'm now accidentally spending a huge portion of my day casually picturing committing suicide. It's really scary.[/QUOTE] Are you thinking of how one would go about committing suicide or are there other thoughts as well?

[QUOTE=DeEz;48168799]Are you thinking of how one would go about committing suicide or are there other thoughts as well?[/QUOTE]It's all about suicide.

Went to the gym today, which was the first productive thing I've done in ages. Started taking Remeron for my depression two days ago, too early to say obviously.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48169099]It's all about suicide.[/QUOTE] Well, those are suicidal thoughts, not intrusive thoughts. It's important to distinguish between intrusive thoughts and suicidal thoughts, because the latter can actually be dangerous. I would suggest mentioning it to your therapist, if you're in therapy (if you're not, maybe you should). Also suicidal hotline if you seriously consider taking your own life. [editline]11th July 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=littlefoot;48169189]Went to the gym today, which was the first productive thing I've done in ages. Started taking Remeron for my depression two days ago, too early to say obviously.[/QUOTE] Well done. The meds should kick in around two weeks or so, and you should be feeling better in about a month. Would be interesting if you could post your progress here when the time comes.

I've said it before in this thread, but therapy isn't an option for me :( Also don't suicide hotlines call the cops on you?

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48169601]I've said it before in this thread, but therapy isn't an option for me :( Also don't suicide hotlines call the cops on you?[/QUOTE] Why? and not necessarily.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48169854]Why? and not necessarily.[/QUOTE]It'd hurt my parents to know about the state I'm in.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48169892]It'd hurt my parents to know about the state I'm in.[/QUOTE] And they want to see you better. And what would hurt more, fixing the problem or killing yourself?

Managed to get my SIN number authorized for my job and I never felt so proud with the thought that I am actually progressively doing something for once in my life. One hour later and I get news that gramps has died in the hospital. How can life turn around so fast?

I've had anxiety about being social lately. I think honestly in today's society we're too focused on stigmas and sterotypes and it's made me anxious because I don't want to fall within a stigma such as creepy, or wierd or strange. When I talk to others I sometimes use more - I don't even know how to explain it, advanced words. When I talk to others like this they view me as strange, and it feels shitty because I am pretty well educated, I know that for certain. I stopped talking to people around me except for family because where I'm at, it's a small town and the people that live around me are too concerned about what social status they're at, and it's full of backwards people that think they're 'cool'. My only real friend is a guy who's considered wierd at our school by all the 'high end' social classes. I've also had a recent thing lately, mainly looking at powerful/inspirational images. I often ask myself if there's something wrong with this. I feel like if we didn't have these stupid social stigmas everyone would be happy. I'm just more anxious around people than ever, what to say, what to do..

[QUOTE=Neat!;48155056]Anyone have experience with EMDR for PTSD? I've been recommended EMDR by my therapist and psychologist because my PTSD has been getting pretty bad.[/QUOTE] So nobody has any experience with EMDR?