Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=puppy156;48176614]I've had anxiety about being social lately. I think honestly in today's society we're too focused on stigmas and sterotypes and it's made me anxious because I don't want to fall within a stigma such as creepy, or wierd or strange. When I talk to others I sometimes use more - I don't even know how to explain it, advanced words. When I talk to others like this they view me as strange, and it feels shitty because I am pretty well educated, I know that for certain. I stopped talking to people around me except for family because where I'm at, it's a small town and the people that live around me are too concerned about what social status they're at, and it's full of backwards people that think they're 'cool'. My only real friend is a guy who's considered wierd at our school by all the 'high end' social classes. I've also had a recent thing lately, mainly looking at powerful/inspirational images. I often ask myself if there's something wrong with this. I feel like if we didn't have these stupid social stigmas everyone would be happy. I'm just more anxious around people than ever, what to say, what to do..[/QUOTE] I agree entirely about the stigma thing. I find myself not saying what I want to say, not doing what I want to do. I can't be myself because society is full of such judgmental people and stigmas that I would get lumped under. I can't even be cute and innocent like I want to be because I'd get scorn from my friends for being "immature". No, it's just that I don't prioritize being a prude, y'know?

[QUOTE=puppy156;48176614]I've had anxiety about being social lately. I think honestly in today's society we're too focused on stigmas and sterotypes and it's made me anxious because I don't want to fall within a stigma such as creepy, or wierd or strange. When I talk to others I sometimes use more - I don't even know how to explain it, advanced words. When I talk to others like this they view me as strange, and it feels shitty because I am pretty well educated, I know that for certain. I stopped talking to people around me except for family because where I'm at, it's a small town and the people that live around me are too concerned about what social status they're at, and it's full of backwards people that think they're 'cool'. My only real friend is a guy who's considered wierd at our school by all the 'high end' social classes. I've also had a recent thing lately, mainly looking at powerful/inspirational images. I often ask myself if there's something wrong with this. I feel like if we didn't have these stupid social stigmas everyone would be happy. I'm just more anxious around people than ever, what to say, what to do..[/QUOTE] It sounds like you view yourself as better than others, and that's probably not the case. Let people do their thing, and you do yours. [QUOTE=Nifae;48177836]I agree entirely about the stigma thing. I find myself not saying what I want to say, not doing what I want to do. I can't be myself because society is full of such judgmental people and stigmas that I would get lumped under. I can't even be cute and innocent like I want to be because I'd get scorn from my friends for being "immature". No, it's just that I don't prioritize being a prude, y'know?[/QUOTE] Unless you're being discriminated against for a valid reason (LGBT, sex, race, culture, etc), I would only reveal my true self through some kind of outlet, probably online.

[QUOTE=puppy156;48176614]I've had anxiety about being social lately. I think honestly in today's society we're too focused on stigmas and sterotypes and it's made me anxious because I don't want to fall within a stigma such as creepy, or wierd or strange. When I talk to others I sometimes use more - I don't even know how to explain it, advanced words. When I talk to others like this they view me as strange, and it feels shitty because I am pretty well educated, I know that for certain. I stopped talking to people around me except for family because where I'm at, it's a small town and the people that live around me are too concerned about what social status they're at, and it's full of backwards people that think they're 'cool'. My only real friend is a guy who's considered wierd at our school by all the 'high end' social classes. I've also had a recent thing lately, mainly looking at powerful/inspirational images. I often ask myself if there's something wrong with this. I feel like if we didn't have these stupid social stigmas everyone would be happy. I'm just more anxious around people than ever, what to say, what to do..[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Nifae;48177836]I agree entirely about the stigma thing. I find myself not saying what I want to say, not doing what I want to do. I can't be myself because society is full of such judgmental people and stigmas that I would get lumped under. I can't even be cute and innocent like I want to be because I'd get scorn from my friends for being "immature". No, it's just that I don't prioritize being a prude, y'know?[/QUOTE] Society is full of all different kinds of people, you'd be pleasantly surprised what people can hide beneath their social mask. Do you often feel that you can't be yourself around others?

I've been bothered a lot by an irrational fear of dying recently. I'm afraid my heart might just stop beating, that I'll fall down the stairs and break my neck, that whoever is driving the car will crash, etc. I think this is one of the worries I wasn't able to figure out of last time I vented. its really in the way since I constantly go around worrying that I'll die any moment. it feels like there's more that I worry about. my digital footprint is one thing I worry a lot about, I worry a lot for my servers that they're insecure, I worry that my computer or software I use have backdoors and I worry about peoples intentions in real life. a girl I used to know contacted me recently and all I can think of is that she's out to kill me. one thing that has really been stuck in my mind recently is people breaking in. I don't feel safe anywhere. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm aware of why these thoughts come and go, but as I said last time, it's often hard to distinguish the difference between irrational and rational paranoid thoughts. [editline]12th July 2015[/editline] I still don't feel like I'm ill. I still feel like I've been misdiagnosed. I think it's obvious that I suffer from something, but I don't feel like it's schizophrenia. I was hoping I'd slowly accept it, but I can't. it feels like my therapist misdiagnosed me. maybe I exaggerated something, maybe she perceived what I said as something else, maybe I used the wrong words, and so on. for example, why aren't the meds working as they should? I'm still getting paranoid thoughts and I still feel out of touch with reality. I've been on both Abilify and Zyprexa, and now I'm on both at the same time. I'm at the max dose for Abilify and I believe I'm on the max dose for Zyprexa as well. [editline]12th July 2015[/editline] sometimes I wish I wasn't aware of my mental health. I almost wish that I was in a worse state in regards with my schizophrenia just so I could get better proof that its actually schizophrenia. oh well, I suppose I should just listen to the professionals on my case

[QUOTE=PredGD;48180785]I've been bothered a lot by an irrational fear of dying recently. I'm afraid my heart might just stop beating, that I'll fall down the stairs and break my neck, that whoever is driving the car will crash, etc. I think this is one of the worries I wasn't able to figure out of last time I vented. its really in the way since I constantly go around worrying that I'll die any moment. it feels like there's more that I worry about. my digital footprint is one thing I worry a lot about, I worry a lot for my servers that they're insecure, I worry that my computer or software I use have backdoors and I worry about peoples intentions in real life. a girl I used to know contacted me recently and all I can think of is that she's out to kill me. one thing that has really been stuck in my mind recently is people breaking in. I don't feel safe anywhere. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm aware of why these thoughts come and go, but as I said last time, it's often hard to distinguish the difference between irrational and rational paranoid thoughts. [editline]12th July 2015[/editline] I still don't feel like I'm ill. I still feel like I've been misdiagnosed. I think it's obvious that I suffer from something, but I don't feel like it's schizophrenia. I was hoping I'd slowly accept it, but I can't. it feels like my therapist misdiagnosed me. maybe I exaggerated something, maybe she perceived what I said as something else, maybe I used the wrong words, and so on. for example, why aren't the meds working as they should? I'm still getting paranoid thoughts and I still feel out of touch with reality. I've been on both Abilify and Zyprexa, and now I'm on both at the same time. I'm at the max dose for Abilify and I believe I'm on the max dose for Zyprexa as well. [editline]12th July 2015[/editline] sometimes I wish I wasn't aware of my mental health. I almost wish that I was in a worse state in regards with my schizophrenia just so I could get better proof that its actually schizophrenia. oh well, I suppose I should just listen to the professionals on my case[/QUOTE] Definitely listen to the professionals. However, if the meds aren't working, you need to tell them about it.

Trying to research mental help feels awful, like admitting defeat, somehow. I know it's not, but it makes doing anything about it really hard.

I've been falling into a pretty shitty wave of self-depreciation in the last few hours and I think it's just come to a head in the last five minutes and I feel like garbage.

I got drunk last night, had a mental breakdown, and broke up with my mentally abusive bf. I feel so inadequate and that noone ever actually wants to talk to me. I feel like I'm burdening everyone with my presence. I think the sole thing keeping me from killing myself is that everyone will think I'm even more of a disappointment than I am now. I don't know what to do anymore.

I tried and failed to buy a gun at two separate places tonight.

[QUOTE=DeEz;48180326]Society is full of all different kinds of people, you'd be pleasantly surprised what people can hide beneath their social mask. Do you often feel that you can't be yourself around others?[/QUOTE] Yes, I do feel that I can't be myself around others a lot. It's mainly due to my fear of getting labelled as strange or weird, and when that happens things can go real shitty.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48183119]I tried and failed to buy a gun at two separate places tonight.[/QUOTE] Was it your nerve, or was it NICS? If the former, I wouldn't worry about you getting to the point where you'd actually do it. It takes an inordinate amount of shit to happen to even really consider suicide and not just have it be a passing thought. For me to get to the point where I OD'd on codeine and vicodin i had to spiral down the path of addiction and mental degradation after being jumped twice for being gay. the second time i got jumped, i got really fucked up and ended up losing my left testicle because of scrotal detachment from getting stomped on there repeatedly. now i have tons of scars in my crotch and inner thighs so it looks nasty as fuck. between then and the ODing, i completely stopped producing semen and didn't have any sexual or social urges. in addition, my mother came down with valley fever and was seemingly near death, and my sister's bipolar was turning her into a psychopath. so i went to the drugs and wanted to die using them, so i took as much of both as i could and went to sleep. woke up vomiting blood and ended up with a heavily scarred esophagus so now cancerous ulcers are a real possibility. mom didn't die, sister is still iffy, but i'm alive and definitely [I]not[/I] considering suicide again. i left some things out, but those were the major events. i'm telling you this so you know that many bad things have to happen in rapid succession, and your mental state must be significantly altered for you to do it.

[QUOTE=Neat!;48183723]Was it your nerve, or was it NICS? If the former, I wouldn't worry about you getting to the point where you'd actually do it. It takes an inordinate amount of shit to happen to even really consider suicide and not just have it be a passing thought.[/QUOTE] Years of mental illness and multiple failed suicide attempts and hospitalizations. I've p much decided that i will not use a gun. There is no way I can do something that could even have a remote chance of putting another person in physical danger.

After leaving my workplace due to my time there being complete, I have nothing to do and I can feel my social skills diminishing. My motivation to learn more is slipping because of leaving. Just today I printed out my resumes to hand out tomorrow to many places, but I feel like I've been going back to my old self before I worked at the place I loved. Anti-social, chillingly lonely, desensitized and more thoughtful than talkative. I plan on visiting my co-workers sometime this week to see if their available, but I've been feeling like I'm annoying them with coming once or twice a month to ask to hang out after shift. Hopefully picking up a job during the summer will help change me.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine noted that I'm having some gray strands of hair. Today I noticed that I have significantly more gray hairs. And I'm only 22. This depression is wrecking me.

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48189261]A few weeks ago, a friend of mine noted that I'm having some gray strands of hair. Today I noticed that I have significantly more gray hairs. And I'm only 22. This depression is wrecking me.[/QUOTE] Premature graying is mostly genetic. If you're one of us early bloomers you're better off just coming to terms with it right away (besides, gray hair can look pretty damn good). [editline]13th July 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=puppy156;48183500]Yes, I do feel that I can't be myself around others a lot. It's mainly due to my fear of getting labelled as strange or weird, and when that happens things can go real shitty.[/QUOTE] I would suggest talking to a counselor about it. If you feel that it's heavily impacting your life then see if you can get CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy).

I really don't know whats going on with me right now, i've just been getting really angry as of late, just really absurdly angry, angry enough to give myself headaches. I'm thinking it must have something to do with depression, but i've no clue where its coming from besides that, i haven't lashed out at anyone, but i know this can't be anything good, what the hell is wrong with me?

[QUOTE=DeEz;48190199]Premature graying is mostly genetic. If you're one of us early bloomers you're better off just coming to terms with it right away (besides, gray hair can look pretty damn good). I am comfortable with the fact that I'm most likely going to look good with silver hair. Especially if I regrow my "Rivian ponytail". But I can't help but feeling that my current state has attributed to the graying. Haven't had good sleep in over a month and I've lost almost 3kg (already being underweight)

I wish I could lie to myself as well as I lied to various healthcare professionals. I mean I told them I didn't have suicidal thoughts but maybe it was a stupid thing to do. They think I am fine now, at least as far as I'm aware - I only have to visit one of them now and have been unable to get an appointment recently, but I can't tell them the truth because I don't know what they'd do about it. I mean I could tell one but it would probably mean the end of my course, and I love my course, even if there is no way I can complete it as I am now. If only I could lie to myself I would be happy happy happy. I could lie about confidence to myself and be confident, I could be so confident I was happy. It wouldn't fix all my issues, but it would fix a couple. I'd still have too many, probably? I can't see how I can get everything I need done to be done in the space of time I have and my tablet (which I need to do my uni work) has broken and I am unable to go to IT, not that it matters as IT marked my problem as resolved without even looking at it last time. Then there are hundreds more things but it's not even worth talking about. I don't know, I am just saying stuff and will never act on anything as much as I wish I could.

[QUOTE=Terminutter;48196288]I wish I could lie to myself as well as I lied to various healthcare professionals. I mean I told them I didn't have suicidal thoughts but maybe it was a stupid thing to do. They think I am fine now, at least as far as I'm aware - I only have to visit one of them now and have been unable to get an appointment recently, but I can't tell them the truth because I don't know what they'd do about it. I mean I could tell one but it would probably mean the end of my course, and I love my course, even if there is no way I can complete it as I am now. If only I could lie to myself I would be happy happy happy. I could lie about confidence to myself and be confident, I could be so confident I was happy. It wouldn't fix all my issues, but it would fix a couple. I'd still have too many, probably? I can't see how I can get everything I need done to be done in the space of time I have and my tablet (which I need to do my uni work) has broken and I am unable to go to IT, not that it matters as IT marked my problem as resolved without even looking at it last time. Then there are hundreds more things but it's not even worth talking about. I don't know, I am just saying stuff and will never act on anything as much as I wish I could.[/QUOTE] I suggest you tell them, hiding your problems never do any good. For example; my visit before my last with the psychologist ended up with me making her imagine that everything was up to snuff and the following day I had my revolver pointed at my heart. I then went back promptly to tell about it and had to promise not to kill myself over the weekend before my next appointment.

Yeah I really know I should. It basically could be the end of my uni course though, and that is all I want to complete. Without it I would be worse off than with it. I booked an appointment with my counsellor and will see if I can tell him though.

I've had a very troubled past that involves a lot of abuse. As a surprise to no one, I suffer from anxiety and manic depression. I've been on several medications through out my life, and used several coping methods. Finally, things start to go right for me, and my coping methods start to work. I've taught myself how important it is to think positively, and how to manifest positive things in my life. This all sounds great right? Well.... My boyfriend also suffers from extreme depression. I've was abused and homeless most of my childhood, but his depression is much more extreme. I really try my best to be understanding and to comfort him in his times of needs, but its becoming harder and hard for me to be the support role because I also suffer from depression. I've gotten to the point where I am completely off medication and only using my coping methods, but with this negative energy around me it has become really hard for me to not slip back in to my depressive habits. I've tried to discuss my coping methods with him, and even suggest other coping methods. He has already been on several medications, and gets very upset when I attempt to suggest theories that might help. At this point I'm running thin and don't know how to proceed. How do you help bring your friends/s.o. out of their depression? Any advise is very much appreciated.

So this has been a long time coming. A post I've been meaning to make for nearly 10 months, and a hard one. A few years ago, my Dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Cancer. A bad time, I failed everything that year of school. He got chemo, and went into remission. All good, happily ever after... wish life was like that. About a year later, it came back with a vengence. He had a tennis ball sized tumour showing on his abdomen. Two more were under the skin. They told him he needed a specific treatment. And then the worst part. If this didn't work, there would be nothing else they could do. So they did it, and everything seemed to go well. It was June or July last year that the results came back. Six months left to live. One of my worst days of my life, that one. Within a fortnight of that, he collapsed early one morning while going to the toilet. He was rushed into hospital, and was put on a morphine drip. I visited as much as I could, for weeks and weeks. On the 30th of August 2014, my dad died. Two days later, I left home to start university. I became reckless, stupid. Did some things I'm not proud of. I left myself vulnerable. A few months ago, I just stopped going to uni. I stopped working, I slowly drove myself a little mad. And that's where I am now. I had to push some of the work forward to July, but it's July now. There is less than 2 weeks until I submit that work like I promised. I have an exam afterwards where I need to know an entire semester of work I missed more than half of. I hate the letting agent who owns my block of flats. They've pushed me to the edge, literal screams of rage. And it looks like I have to stay with them for another year. Yay. My best friend decided to just up and remove me from everything. Apparently he "couldn't be bothered dealing with me". What the hell does that even mean? Some friend he was, spent an entire weekend with him not even LOOKING at me. We were supposed to be having fun and making a game, I was pushed to the sidelines scared of what would happen if I snapped. I have secrets I can't tell anyone, people I can't ever talk to and people who never talk to me. I worry about everyone and everything I care about constantly, and it's killing me. Counselling helps when I'm able to go, but it's like I'm just waiting to vent everything there. It's not making me better. Jesus, I should have done this sooner.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48197508]i am pathetic and dumb and a mental fuck head[/QUOTE] You are neither of those things. [QUOTE=TheCactusman;48198986]Jesus, I should have done this sooner.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry for your loss. No one deserves to go through the trauma you've experienced, and you were right to get counselling. It may not feel like it's doing you any favors, but venting is good for you regardless. You are both suffering and you were right to come here and vent. Believe it when I say that the way you're feeling [B]will[/B] change for the better. [B]It is treatable.[/B] I know that this will seem like an insurmountable task, but you [I]need[/I] to pick up that phone and call for help (whether this is your local clinic, mental health institute or the suicide hotline doesn't matter, they will point you in the right direction), because on the other end of that phone is your first step towards a better life. A better life that you deserve. If you feel the need for it (and this goes for everyone in this thread), you are welcome to PM me. It doesn't even have to be about anything specific, just write your thoughts down and send it. If I don't answer right away then it's not because I am ignoring you, but rather because I am probably sleeping (my sleep schedule's gone a bit haywire) or just not at the computer. You are not alone in this personal hell of yours. You are important, and you deserve to be happy.

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[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48200637]i want someone to kick my fucking ass into gear and get my life straight[/QUOTE] I speak everything beyond this point as someone with equally problematic issues relevant to the response I have to offer -- maybe I shouldn't be talking, and on top of that i've got nasty case of ironman syndrome, but here goes: [QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48200637]I know I'm not pathetic, dumb and a mental fuckhead. I said a lot that I didn't wanna open up but still glad that at least I know that I need to see someone and do it now.[/QUOTE] Stop self-deprecating. Right now. I was bred into this mentality at age 10-12 where I thought realizing your own mistakes extensively resulted in better self-awareness and more consciousness about actions, I know a lot of people, myself included, who found themselves in this philosophy basket that wind up just creating this nasty self-deprecation in their breed of depression. Realize this if you ever found yourself extensively analyzing your mistakes moreso than others mistakes or just what actually creates problems early on. maybe i'm being a bit too psychologically superstitious but it's just the natural course of youth development, so this is a very clear behaviorism that adapts from that mentality. Point being even when you're in your episodic state of mind, immediately tell yourself to knock it the fuck off. It'll get you nowhere. I'm only the middle of getting this truth, and I wish it came to me 4 years sooner. [QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48200637]This kind of thinking is also affecting my sleep. I just don't wanna sleep because I just don't wanna have thoughts in my head. Of course my body will force itself to sleep and I don't wanna keep doing this. I don't wanna stay awake for more then 12 hours a day it isn't healthy and it's affecting me badly.[/QUOTE] Been awake 14-27 hours daily for a month now and it actually has a pretty intensive toll on me, particularly my hands, (arthritis in my genes, hooray for mileage.) general physical health as well as emotions. I don't have anything too beyond superficial to add to this one either because pretty much everyone has those demons under the bed that visit them when they sleep and there's not really much you can do about it. I think a decent practice which, while unhealthy itself, is better than nothing would be to externalize a lot of these feelings just prior to getting to sleep. get a blog, a tumblr blog. or if you have one already make a megapost somewhere that you can edit nightly and just empty out guns blazing onto. it's the same sort of meditative remedy some people find in journal-keeping or diaries, except the difference is this is only optionally diurnal, whatever works for you. end solution is: let the feelings go before you lie down, and as much as a shitty thing as it is to say, if they're going to visit you anyways you may as well make them come to you in scheduled accordance. [QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48200637]i need to make a statement saying im sorry, i continuously fuck things up and i won't do anything except just say sorry constantly and expect things to be ok after that[/QUOTE] Stop being sorry to yourself so much. That also attributes to a self-deprecating attitude that will only demonize yourself further. I speak from firsthand experience that being overly apologetic and sorry for my own mistakes without just acknowledging letting them slide and knowing they happened (on top of other things) ruined a wonderful relationship opportunity with a person I loved for years. Being sorry for yourself so intensively hurts yourself more than anyone else close to you, and it will only continue to give yourself more things to apologize to yourself for. it's a very bad paradoxical loop that only is going to give yourself more trouble. Like my mother, my best friends and other people told me before my relationship ended they told me to calm the fuck down and roll with things. I didn't heed that warning and I paid an absolute price for not being very calm about my heavy over-apologetic personality. and while this may not apply in the case of relationship concerns, it'll be due time before it causes a series of bigger problems for you. Don't take that advice for granted, I beg of you. It's absolutely devoured me and it continues to do so even with the self-awareness to root out that issue to the core. [QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48200637]A lot of admittance here but I still have a lot of admitting and a lot of accepting help to do. Most importantly I need to do it for myself and get better for myself. Not for anyone else but for myself. It's my issue and it does affect others but it's my fault that I don't fix it the right way.[/QUOTE] Continue admitting. I don't browse this thread enough as I should but I absolutely guarantee you the mentality of it is more accepting than you give it credit for. In the 8 posts you have made here you've acknowledged this yourself. There's a higher chance of incriminating oneself than getting demonized by someone random in here; i'm sure of this. (unless you post something actually directly vehement and at the cost of others, in which case that's an entirely different scenario) I'm sorry if you take offense or anger to any of this, and that's absolutely ok if you do. but you asked for blunt advice as opposed to sympathy, and I gave you what you asked for. maybe you weren't asking for it from someone from this thread. in which case honestly just fuck my ass and don't acknowledge any of what i'm writing. if you have anything that you specifically prefer privatized that you would like to express you can do it to me directly, and i'm sure a lot of other people would encourage the same if you wanted to do it to them.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;48201059]It's hard not self-deprecating myself, I admit it's a habit and it's an awful habit that no one should ever do to themselves. I don't think anyone should degrade themselves, they're more better then what they think/say they are.[/QUOTE] it's much more than a habit -- it's a psychological integration you make as a result of being afraid of criticism, or at least I think that's how I wound up self deprecating so frequently and problematically. didn't like being criticized --> knew it was a problem so criticized myself in detail to try and compensate --> wound up endlessly complicating situations and these "constructive criticisms" just eventually being self-deprecating drivel [editline]13th July 2015[/editline] to talk about myself for a second it's 20 minutes before I turn age 18, a yearly reminder about how epilepsy altered my destiny forever and left me disintegrated from society. fantastic! i'm sitting in here [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxZ-lFkSNts]listening to this[/url] and trying to tide over the first breakup. It's been 5 years of teenage youth and not once have I interacted with anyone my age meaningfully in real life, that's kind of depressing.

I've got another two months to wait before I get to go to therapy and be evaluated for ADHD and other possible issues. It feels so bad just waiting and waiting and hoping that maybe something will help. Also I've messed up my sleeping schedule again, and I keep having these random moments where I just stop and realize dad is gone. I'm not doing terribly, could be much worse, but it just sucks.

[QUOTE=DeEz;48200015]I'm sorry for your loss. No one deserves to go through the trauma you've experienced, and you were right to get counselling. It may not feel like it's doing you any favors, but venting is good for you regardless. You are both suffering and you were right to come here and vent. Believe it when I say that the way you're feeling [B]will[/B] change for the better. [B]It is treatable.[/B] I know that this will seem like an insurmountable task, but you [I]need[/I] to pick up that phone and call for help (whether this is your local clinic, mental health institute or the suicide hotline doesn't matter, they will point you in the right direction)[/QUOTE] I don't want to. I don't want to pick up the phone, even though I have told others to do so. I need to get through this on my own, I can't ask others for help.

[QUOTE=Yotrig;47816285]Hi Facepunch, I could use some opinions. I'm not used to posting about my personal life, so I apologize for the awkward formatting. I've been employed as the operations manager at a private investment firm for a good year and a half now. I can usually handle the work stress-free, but my boss is bipolar or something and has been verbally abusive on a regular basis. He doesn't personally insult me, but I can't go 2 days without him screaming at me at the top of his lungs over stupid shit outside of my control. This has gone on for 5 months now and I've reached the point where I can't just sit back and take it anymore. The stress has been taking a huge toll on my health, I couldn't even stomach anything for more than an hour a few weeks ago. I also had a nervous breakdown recently and I can't even think straight anymore. I've already tried calling this to his attention, but he was only "nice" for about a week, so that's out of the equation. My question is this: Do I put in my 2 weeks notice and find another job, or do I keep doing my best and try to toughen through it? The job does pay better than any other job I've had, he's been very generous with bonus money, and the hours are pretty lenient, but at the rate things are going I feel like I'm gonna end up with a stomach ulcer by the end of the year.[/QUOTE] Bit of an update on this: I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice today. I've been feeling really bad physically the past month and I haven't been myself at all lately, so I went to my doctor yesterday for a checkup only to find my blood pressure was 190/90 which is dangerously high. I had two different doctors take my bp 3 times because at my age, a reading that high is almost unheard of. Two months ago it was at 120/80, and I've always been in decent physical shape as I run almost every day. They told me to stay off coffee (I only ever have a cup in the morning) and to come back next week to see if it changes any. If it still reads the same, they want to perform a heart echo on me. I know it's all just from the stress, I'm not worried about my heart having problems at all, but this is where I draw the line. I've never quit a job before, but I've put up with too much bullshit for too long and enough is enough. I'll update again after I get home. Wish me luck.

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;48203013]I don't want to. I don't want to pick up the phone, even though I have told others to do so. I need to get through this on my own, I can't ask others for help.[/QUOTE] Why can't you?