Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I know. That's why I'm going to try and find one as soon as possible. Get onto contact with one tomorrow and schedule an appointment asap

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48218174]I know. That's why I'm going to try and find one as soon as possible. Get onto contact with one tomorrow and schedule an appointment asap[/QUOTE] Alright. This might be a silly question, but I hope you'll be keeping a close watch on her until then?

Pacing is fun. Pacing is probably the most fun thing I can do. I used to be able to pace for hours on end, but since I got put on my tranquilizers I don't do it so much, unless I'm thinking about a girl I like. Also I don't have a nervous tic to sigh anymore! Thank you based Abilify. But I still talk to myself. I guess I don't have Tourette's after all.

[QUOTE=DeEz;48218239]Alright. This might be a silly question, but I hope you'll be keeping a close watch on her until then?[/QUOTE] Not letting her out of my sight. Thank God I have a job with a flexible schedule. So I'm not taking a shift until we get her help.

[QUOTE=DeEz;48217930]What about your parents? Any relatives?[/QUOTE] Mother abandoned me when I was ten. Before I could tell her everything. But after that I lived with my dad. I can't really tell him anything and I don't know why. I do know it's something wrong with me.

not as big of a problem as other people here have it and not the only i have, but i thought i'll share it anyway. So on friday im going to a AC/DC concert(my favorite band) and im going to take a beer with a friend and his friends. yesterday and today i have been really nauseous, just the thought of going out is making me ill and breathe really heavily. really annoying. edit: also doesnt help that a CD key i bought doesnt work so i have to deal with support too...

still trying to work up my nerve to go to that mental hospital ill have moments where i feel mostly sorta ok, but then ill emotionally trip over something and ill be back into my pit of chronic loneliness and sadness and worthlessness

[QUOTE=Levithan;48222328]still trying to work up my nerve to go to that mental hospital ill have moments where i feel mostly sorta ok, but then ill emotionally trip over something and ill be back into my pit of chronic loneliness and sadness and worthlessness[/QUOTE] the thing thats making me seek help is the fact that it is more than half of the time i feel like shit, considerably more than half now

I just spent the whole day on my computer instead of exercising. Again. I don't understand how my family can even care about me. All I ever do is sit at this fucking computer, playing games and contributing jack shit to society or anyone else. I'm a useless piece of shit in every sense of the word. I have no driver's license, I'm too socially crippled to ask any of my friends to hang out because of fear of awkwardness, and I spend every Friday night alone despite being nearly 18 fucking years old. I actually just had a heated argument with my parents regarding my computer priority, I got all defensive and bitchy and things got a bit intense. Before I went to sleep my dad just came into the room and said that they're proud of me. I haven't cried this much in years. I just don't know where everything went so wrong, I'd do anything to start my life all over or even undo it entirely at this point.

I'm constantly on the computer, trying to make myself laugh audibly so I can make my widowed mother think my mental health is improving. It isn't. In fact, I'm getting worse and worse.

Unplug your computer for the whole day. See what it can do for you.

[QUOTE=Vipes;48219751]Mother abandoned me when I was ten. Before I could tell her everything. But after that I lived with my dad. I can't really tell him anything and I don't know why. I do know it's something wrong with me.[/QUOTE] Why can't you? [editline]17th July 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Flubbman;48224442]I just spent the whole day on my computer instead of exercising. Again. I don't understand how my family can even care about me. All I ever do is sit at this fucking computer, playing games and contributing jack shit to society or anyone else. I'm a useless piece of shit in every sense of the word. I have no driver's license, I'm too socially crippled to ask any of my friends to hang out because of fear of awkwardness, and I spend every Friday night alone despite being nearly 18 fucking years old. I actually just had a heated argument with my parents regarding my computer priority, I got all defensive and bitchy and things got a bit intense. Before I went to sleep my dad just came into the room and said that they're proud of me. I haven't cried this much in years. I just don't know where everything went so wrong, I'd do anything to start my life all over or even undo it entirely at this point.[/QUOTE] Tell your parents (or maybe just your dad?) how you feel.

[QUOTE=Flubbman;48224442]I just spent the whole day on my computer instead of exercising. Again. I don't understand how my family can even care about me. All I ever do is sit at this fucking computer, playing games and contributing jack shit to society or anyone else. I'm a useless piece of shit in every sense of the word. I have no driver's license, I'm too socially crippled to ask any of my friends to hang out because of fear of awkwardness, and I spend every Friday night alone despite being nearly 18 fucking years old. I actually just had a heated argument with my parents regarding my computer priority, I got all defensive and bitchy and things got a bit intense. Before I went to sleep my dad just came into the room and said that they're proud of me. I haven't cried this much in years. I just don't know where everything went so wrong, I'd do anything to start my life all over or even undo it entirely at this point.[/QUOTE] Well then you may be addicted to the computer and that is unhealthy. And a drivers license is hardly the mark of a persons worthiness. In terms of being socially crippled, thats the thing thats cured either with professional help in severe cases or by assistance from your friends+family in less severe cases. Your parents are obviously somewhat tuned to the fact that you're not doing well and seem to be trying to support you, so let yourself be supported. Share with them your concerns and let them know how you're feeling. I have an idea/suggestion- straight up unplug the computer and try to spend a day without using it all. Then try a few days, then a week, etc. And start asking your friends to hang out, not all of them will say yes or be able to but I'm sure at least one of them would like to hang out. I also imagine that if you've been away for so long they miss you, and would want you to feel better. [QUOTE=Jho;48224805]I'm constantly on the computer, trying to make myself laugh audibly so I can make my widowed mother think my mental health is improving. It isn't. In fact, I'm getting worse and worse.[/QUOTE] Similar to the above, consider taking a break from your computer. One of the things that helped me a few months ago was going out on long walks and listening to music, either thinking through my problems or finding a dark trail to cry it out a bit. Find a place to get some emotional and stress relief. What is getting worse? How are you feeling? Could you see someone for help, or talk to your mother or anyone else in your family? You can only help her so long as you help yourself.

Agreeing with the above, your parents will support you, it's the perfect time to tell them how you feel. The longer you leave it the more it will hurt and the more damage it will cause.

[QUOTE=Vipes;48219751]Mother abandoned me when I was ten. Before I could tell her everything. But after that I lived with my dad. I can't really tell him anything and I don't know why. I do know it's something wrong with me.[/QUOTE] It can be really hard to open up to somebody, but it gets loads easier after that. Early this year I just never talked about my emotions, thoughts, or feelings with anyone. I just kept getting worse and finally had to open up to somebody and it was [I]so damn cathartic.[/I] If you need a practice run or a first person to open up to, consider one of your steam friends. Its easier to do it when you're not face-to-face and can act as a surrogate as you build up courage. And why can't you talk to your father? is it just feeling like your stuck, or do you "choke" on your emotions and lose the ability for coherence? If its the previous stuff, what I mentioned above can REALLY help lower the pressure a bit. If its other reasons such as him not being accepting of mental issues or whatever you believe you have going on, then it may be a lot harder and I can't offer much help (and I'm in the same boat, myself).

[QUOTE=paindoc;48225697] Similar to the above, consider taking a break from your computer. One of the things that helped me a few months ago was going out on long walks and listening to music, either thinking through my problems or finding a dark trail to cry it out a bit. Find a place to get some emotional and stress relief. What is getting worse? How are you feeling? Could you see someone for help, or talk to your mother or anyone else in your family? You can only help her so long as you help yourself.[/QUOTE] I can't really respond to this without explaining myself in large detail. And I really don't want to do that. Although, I suppose that beats the purpose of posting shit like that in an online forum.

We're going to go to a local mental health facility first thing tomorrow morning for my wife. I sure Hope they can find us some help for her.

It's gotten worse, I just got a job today but I still feel so awful. This girl I've been talking too from Vermont is nice but tonight I found out she had been beaten in the past by a previous boyfriend. It's going to sound dumb, but hearing that made me cry, I have not a clue why. I just want to stop thinking, every thought I have is poisonous, one part tells me to care and love but another half of me just cannot stop thinking about the horrible things that happen in the world. It hates the pain and suffering in this world, the loss, the disease. It makes me feel as if I don't belong here. I don't know who to talk to about these thoughts....

You know what sucks? [B][I]Being able to remember who you were before all of this shit happened to you[/I][/B]. You know, that carefree person you were before life got ahold of you. No needless worrying, exaggerating situations into worst possible outcomes, thinking you'll be like this forever. Dude, it's like I know I can't just be who I used to be because life changes you and change is the only constant, but I want to work towards a better me...? I like to think that bad things happen to you for a reason, and that they will happen to everyone, because those things make you who you are and dig deep down to pull out the true YOU, but I can't help but wonder how much more I have to go through to just give in and be okay with it. Once you surrender to your feelings, that's when you truly become free. I know that, but some days I convince myself otherwise.

[QUOTE=jbthekid;48227000]You know what sucks? [B][I]Being able to remember who you were before all of this shit happened to you[/I][/B]. You know, that carefree person you were before life got ahold of you. No needless worrying, exaggerating situations into worst possible outcomes, thinking you'll be like this forever. Dude, it's like I know I can't just be who I used to be because life changes you and change is the only constant, but I want to work towards a better me...? I like to think that bad things happen to you for a reason, and that they will happen to everyone, because those things make you who you are and dig deep down to pull out the true YOU, but I can't help but wonder how much more I have to go through to just give in and be okay with it. Once you surrender to your feelings, that's when you truly become free. I know that, but some days I convince myself otherwise.[/QUOTE] Before all of this I was burying my emotions instead of confronting them, I was faking almost all of my happiness, I was faking my sexuality so hard I actually bought it, and I had less of a sense who I was and who I could be. Its not all good but its not all bad. I'm making progress, and if anything I've gotten a lot tougher because of all of this.

[QUOTE=paindoc;48227089]Before all of this I was burying my emotions instead of confronting them, I was faking almost all of my happiness, I was faking my sexuality so hard I actually bought it, and I had less of a sense who I was and who I could be. Its not all good but its not all bad. I'm making progress, and if anything I've gotten a lot tougher because of all of this.[/QUOTE] By all means it has made me a stronger person. I definitely began to confront my emotions too and become aware of them. Shit happened to me though...I kind of went through some trauma and it landed me here, but hey, I'm still here and I guess that's a positive. I'm probably the most honest, down to earth, and open person in my group of friends. It's helped me form strong relationships and given me the ability to help others immensely too. Fuck man, I'm just waiting to give in and LET myself feel how I do, because subconsciously there's a block. It's natural to fight sadness and anger and pain and hurt.

it feels like I only have a very small percentage of my brain available. I can't think ahead, I can't solve problems beyond simple problems, I can't properly read my own feelings, and the list goes on. the small part that I can do is to hold a conversation, but even that is hard. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now, but there's a need to vent. if a regular brain is a tidy shelf, then my brain is spread out all over the place. its hard to think in an organised manner, the thoughts are flying everywhere and I'm not able to catch most of them. this spreads to speech as well at times. its hard to find the correct words. I have no idea what to do with my thoughts. its so in the way of regular life, I want my thoughts to make sense. I want to properly understand what I'm feeling. I don't know what to do with it. I'd trade it with anything. [editline]18th July 2015[/editline] I'm really feeling it that I haven't been to my psychologist in a while. I wish she was back from vacation. I need to unload somewhere. my weight recently reached 100kg and I feel devastated. I'd rather die than going up any more at this point [editline]18th July 2015[/editline] I wish I was able to write down my feelings but I can't make sense of it.

[QUOTE=paindoc;48225718]It can be really hard to open up to somebody, but it gets loads easier after that. Early this year I just never talked about my emotions, thoughts, or feelings with anyone. I just kept getting worse and finally had to open up to somebody and it was [I]so damn cathartic.[/I] If you need a practice run or a first person to open up to, consider one of your steam friends. Its easier to do it when you're not face-to-face and can act as a surrogate as you build up courage. And why can't you talk to your father? is it just feeling like your stuck, or do you "choke" on your emotions and lose the ability for coherence? If its the previous stuff, what I mentioned above can REALLY help lower the pressure a bit. If its other reasons such as him not being accepting of mental issues or whatever you believe you have going on, then it may be a lot harder and I can't offer much help (and I'm in the same boat, myself).[/QUOTE] There's a lot really. I don't tell him anything about the internet or whathave you. I definitely won't tell my dad about my love life either. I'm pretty sure me going "Hey dad, I'm in love with a friend that I had for years, and they know it. By the way they're a guy who sometimes feels as if he was born the wrong gender but is afraid or don't know what to do, and no matter what I love them and want to be with them. Also I'm not gay, I don't like dicks so I don't fucking know what's going on either." will be a very, very, bad idea.

My wife has an appointment for Tuesday to see a therapist. I'm very happy about that, but it still feels far away. Today she didn't want to leave a friends house because she doesn't want to be in our home. It broke my heart because Just recently I broke my back to make it how she's always wanted it. Nice like she's always talked about. And I love it in my home. Warm and inviting front room with everything we could want right there in front of us. New kitchen with all new stuff. Nice cutting boards and knives, fridge etc. I love the way our home is now. And yet she refuses to enjoy it with me because of a bunch or dumb made up reasons that she tells herself. Of course I don't show any of this frustration. I am appearing strong for her. But that doesn't make me feel any less alone and deserted by my wife.

I'm unemployed and can't pay rent for my apartment. What can I do?

[QUOTE=rpb;48237971]I'm unemployed and can't pay rent for my apartment. What can I do?[/QUOTE] Sell shit, borrow money, or move out, really all you can do in that situation. Asking for help is an option too

I'm not sure what to fill my days with. they all feel pretty meaningless. I don't see the meaning of it all. I don't feel suicide is much of a choice either, it could get better but right now its kind of shit.

[QUOTE=PredGD;48238478]I'm not sure what to fill my days with. they all feel pretty meaningless. I don't see the meaning of it all. I don't feel suicide is much of a choice either, it could get better but right now its kind of shit.[/QUOTE] I found this TED talk the other day which was actually pretty inspiring, and made quite a lot of sense: [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc[/media]

i still cant seem to get the nerve to drive the hour-long distance to the nearest (not shitty) mental hospital near me, it's really difficult to even leave the room how am i supposed to drive somewhere

I'm alone in my marriage. Me any my wife have completely opposite life goals. She's materialistic and vain, I'm more down to earth and don't care about money or things. I'm OK relaxing on the porch with a beer, and catching a flick on Netflix. All she wants is expensive cars and lots of money. She didn't seem this vain when we married.