Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48240403]I'm alone in my marriage. Me any my wife have completely opposite life goals. She's materialistic and vain, I'm more down to earth and don't care about money or things. I'm OK relaxing on the porch with a beer, and catching a flick on Netflix. All she wants is expensive cars and lots of money. She didn't seem this vain when we married.[/QUOTE] If she has depression, anxiety, or addiction issues separate this from who she is and who she can be again. It could be her way of trying to fix how she feels or make it better- the fact you mention how she used to be and her recent issues makes me think this is the case. I'd explore your thoughts and memories kn this a bit more, and she how she handles walking the road of recovery. If it doesn't work out, consider how you can make it work for you if you have to. [editline]19th July 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Vipes;48234013]There's a lot really. I don't tell him anything about the internet or whathave you. I definitely won't tell my dad about my love life either. I'm pretty sure me going "Hey dad, I'm in love with a friend that I had for years, and they know it. By the way they're a guy who sometimes feels as if he was born the wrong gender but is afraid or don't know what to do, and no matter what I love them and want to be with them. Also I'm not gay, I don't like dicks so I don't fucking know what's going on either." will be a very, very, bad idea.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I can understand a lot of this. Sexuality is weird and don't try to split your feelings into one of the two dichotomies society dictates you are. It can be fluid and highly highly complex. I do encourage you to find someone to talk to. You may not be gay, but highly romantically attracted to this individual. You don't have to like dicks to be gay, this is something that I beat myself up over and it just made it worse. This is stuff that time and self introspection will solve. Let it happen, and try to work on slowly knocking down any mental Barriers you may have. And don't let society, your father, or anyone else tell you how you should feel. Sexual feelings and romantic feelings can be separate, which can be difficult, but it is not insurmountable [editline]19th July 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Levithan;48240178]i still cant seem to get the nerve to drive the hour-long distance to the nearest (not shitty) mental hospital near me, it's really difficult to even leave the room how am i supposed to drive somewhere[/QUOTE] The initial leap is the hardest. Maybe try small steps building up to bigger steps and a final commit? Once you do commit it is harder to turn back. And understand that you can't get better in your room, you have to do something. Anything jz better than nothing. And if that hospital is going to help you, think how grateful you will be to your past self for making the leap. All is not lost and you can always improve and get better, but no one else can make you take that first step. It takes tremendous courage but I believe you can make the right choice!

I've had nightmares about my ex-boyfriend being with somebody else after our relationship. I was with somebody before our relationship ended. I still stalk his tumblr. He hasn't spoken to me since February. I don't need advice, my situation won't get any better. I just want you to know that it's never okay to cheat on somebody. If you love somebody and they don't know it, tell them right now.

My life is a gigantic failure lol jesus christ how do i function? it's all a mistake. all of it. i do dumb shit all the time and expect everything to be okay afterwards. i'm an ass and I deserve whatever I get. god it's pathetic I wish someone could help me.

I cannot stop overthinking after every time I talk to someone Like I rigorously go through the conversation finding slight fuck ups and I'm like "yep this shit isnt going anywhere" and my mind races like crazy and I scribble all these thoughts Like it's useless I have no reason to over think, they say it's fine and to relax but while I realise that my mind can't? I'll talk to my psychologist about it, see if there's some professional tips in turning off that annoying thought process in my head

[QUOTE=Mysterious;48243943]My life is a gigantic failure lol jesus christ how do i function? it's all a mistake. all of it. i do dumb shit all the time and expect everything to be okay afterwards. i'm an ass and I deserve whatever I get. god it's pathetic I wish someone could help me.[/QUOTE] I feel kinda similar, but hey, at least you're not addicted to drugs like this guy... No fun at all, well except when I have my drugs. But I think what I'm learning is a mistake is in the eye of the beholder, so long as you learn from your mistakes one might not even see them as mistakes at all, but learning bumps or something like that. I know how it is, looking at all your more successful friends and aquaintences and feeling even shittier about yourself, but it's one of those things where you just gotta find your own place in this crazy mess. Probably most of those you think are happy aren't really all that happy anyways, with more success comes more responsibilities which cause more stress!

The few times i do hang out with some old friends i have a good time and all but afterwards i keep thinking how i shouldnt have said thing x but instead thing y and just keep overanalizing shit and its seriously really fucking stupid. Why do i do that to myself?

[QUOTE=diobono;48245394]The few times i do hang out with some old friends i have a good time and all but afterwards i keep thinking how i shouldnt have said thing x but instead thing y and just keep overanalizing shit and its seriously really fucking stupid. Why do i do that to myself?[/QUOTE] WE all do that, some just do it more than others, it's an anxiety thing, You gotta be confident in yourself as hard as that may seem

I just keep finding myself waking up and trying to think of a reason to get out of bed and realize I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal, but I don't want to live.

[QUOTE=PelPix123;48246619]Few months ago I turned my neck a bit too hard and developed some pretty odd symptoms. First was vertigo attacks, then burning on the opposite side of the face, then oculomotor palsy. I also had "attacks" of worse symptoms--tingling, numbness, weakness--on the same side. Most of these attacks went away in like an hour, but some had residual symptoms--permanent numbness, etc. Early on, I had a MRI with contrast, which confirmed no bleeding or aneurism and a DWI which, at the time, showed nothing. Keep in mind, this was in between attacks and before permanent symptoms had started showing up. I have a panic disorder, so my wonderful GP was quick to write it off as a conversion disorder after the initial negative result, which feels about like being diagnosed with hysteria. No neck check for CAD or VAD or cspine issues was done despite that I went through the trouble of getting the gad injection--which I was allergic to--and despite the fact that these are overwhelmingly the most likely causes. In short, I feel [I]underwhelmed[/I] by my level of care. :v: It's not like it could be a conversion disorder, either, seeing as my left pupil is blown _in real life._ The ophthalmologist my GP had examine me in the early stages before most of the symptoms started said that he was very worried and my GP told him it was fine. My GP told the specialist that saw me that he was wrong. I was never re-checked for papilloedema once the headache progressed to pressure and nausea. All the docs are networked to my GP, incl the ER docs, so when I went to the ER, they read my doctor's notes about how crazy I was and sent me home with Xanax telling me they'd make my symptoms go away. They also told me that my existing paralysis, which equally effects both of my legs, was causing the left sided weakness in my arm somehow. Or rather, that they couldn't prove it wasn't because they didn't have the history of my condition. This started an actual verbal argument between the two resident physicians over whether or not my GP was right that I was discharged before I saw the end of. This is in a patient with no history of hospitalizations and no history of somatic symptoms or Munchhausen with well-controlled anxiety that is not medical anxiety. My GP has dropped a lot of red flaggy things that seem a little discriminatory against the mentally ill, like "How can I trust you to report your symptoms properly?" As soon as you're crazy, none of your health problems are real.[/QUOTE]What the fuck, how is this allowed to happen

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48245582]I just keep finding myself waking up and trying to think of a reason to get out of bed and realize I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal, but I don't want to live.[/QUOTE] I feel this all the time. It happens! Please talk to a professional. You make great tunes and and id like it a lot of you stuck around and kept doing that!

[QUOTE=PelPix123;48246619]Few months ago I turned my neck a bit too hard and developed some pretty odd symptoms. First was vertigo attacks, then burning on the opposite side of the face, then oculomotor palsy. I also had "attacks" of worse symptoms--tingling, numbness, weakness--on the same side. Most of these attacks went away in like an hour, but some had residual symptoms--permanent numbness, etc. Early on, I had a MRI with contrast, which confirmed no bleeding or aneurism and a DWI which, at the time, showed nothing. Keep in mind, this was in between attacks and before permanent symptoms had started showing up. I have a panic disorder, so my wonderful GP was quick to write it off as a conversion disorder after the initial negative result, which feels about like being diagnosed with hysteria. No neck check for CAD or VAD or cspine issues was done despite that I went through the trouble of getting the gad injection--which I was allergic to--and despite the fact that these are overwhelmingly the most likely causes. In short, I feel [I]underwhelmed[/I] by my level of care. :v: It's not like it could be a conversion disorder, either, seeing as my left pupil is blown _in real life._ The ophthalmologist my GP had examine me in the early stages before most of the symptoms started said that he was very worried and my GP told him it was fine. My GP told the specialist that saw me that he was wrong. I was never re-checked for papilloedema once the headache progressed to pressure and nausea. All the docs are networked to my GP, incl the ER docs, so when I went to the ER, they read my doctor's notes about how crazy I was and sent me home with Xanax telling me they'd make my symptoms go away. They also told me that my existing paralysis, which equally effects both of my legs, was causing the left sided weakness in my arm somehow. Or rather, that they couldn't prove it wasn't because they didn't have the history of my condition. This started an actual verbal argument between the two resident physicians over whether or not my GP was right that I was discharged before I saw the end of. This is in a patient with no history of hospitalizations and no history of somatic symptoms or Munchhausen with well-controlled anxiety that is not medical anxiety. My GP has dropped a lot of red flaggy things that seem a little discriminatory against the mentally ill, like "How can I trust you to report your symptoms properly?" As soon as you're crazy, none of your health problems are real.[/QUOTE] Christ almighty and I thought things were bad on your side the last time you talked about this. This is straight up fucking negligence, they have no right to do this shit

i accidentally posted while browsing the emoticons

[QUOTE=PelPix123;48247072]I've been crying about it a lot tbh. I haven't had the best life to say the least and if it's gonna be over now that's pretty tragic. I didn't even get to go outside until a couple years ago.[/QUOTE] You should look into suing them or filing a small claims court or something. Shed some light on th at, that's seriously fucked up, Zonesylvania is right. Negligence is negligence. IIRC the court has to actually declare you legally insane for your words to be ignored like that. Regardless of your mental illnesses or past history, they need to take care of people.

Hoping come wednesday that my consultation with a psychologist will actually be the start to getting properly diagnosed. Which I think is ADHD as it fits and everything else I've been medicated for has just made me much worse which were all sedatives. The last one I was on was buspirone which outside of making me extremely impulsive and not giving to flying fucks about anything. It didn't help as my anxiety as it was social and that just takes exposure. Which with being mindful all the thoughts I had in my head that caused it I know are really just made up. Still suffer from hearing stuff that's not real which is rare, and delirium which doesn't bother me at all anymore now that I'm able to ignore it. On a different note switching between TV, thinking, and posting makes some great nonsense sentences.

I don't think I've ever been so heartless and angry in my life. Normally when people say 'I hate people!' they're normally just antisocial and dislike talking to people. When I say I hate people I mean I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE everyone. I'm not even exaggerating. My mother was shocked to say the least when I told her straight that: 'I absolutely depise you and everyone else. Each for different reasons.' She was even more shocked to hear that I despise the rest of my family because every single one of them pressured me to make life choices I didn't want to make (College, school choices etc.) I'm starting to think I'm becoming rather violent too. It's a shame that the highest points in where I live are unaccessable or I'd be gone already. /rantover. Saying too many personal things.

I wake up and think damn i didn't die in my sleep maybe next time

[QUOTE=paindoc;48242538]If she has depression, anxiety, or addiction issues separate this from who she is and who she can be again. It could be her way of trying to fix how she feels or make it better- the fact you mention how she used to be and her recent issues makes me think this is the case. I'd explore your thoughts and memories kn this a bit more, and she how she handles walking the road of recovery. If it doesn't work out, consider how you can make it work for you if you have to. [/QUOTE] It's hard to do that. Because I know she's an amazing and loving person when not suffocated by depression and all her other issues. It's just hard. Because I feel alone. How am I supposed to be the strong husband and help my wife through this when I feel so alone. We've been through all these issues before, and I thought we got past them! And now we have to go through all of it again.... For what? She's having issues with our sex life because she was abused in the past. But we already through all of this..... I thought we healed it.... So here I am alone, and can't even make love to my wife. I don't even want to get out of bed

[QUOTE=Leg of Doom;48248862]I wake up and think damn i didn't die in my sleep maybe next time[/QUOTE] Fuck, I used to think like this. I can't believe how far I've come. Guys, please don't give up on yourself, you will get better if you put effort into it. *digital hugs for everyone* :3

I'm really scared right now. I've been in a state for the past few hours where I'm just barely holding in impulses. Losing this person hurts more than anything in the world. I'm having really scary thoughts.

[QUOTE=Fulsam;48255612]I'm really scared right now. I've been in a state for the past few hours where I'm just barely holding in impulses. Losing this person hurts more than anything in the world. I'm having really scary thoughts.[/QUOTE] The only reason I am alive is because I tell myself that there is beauty and logic and nuance in pain. Pain is one of the few things universal among (the overwhelming majority) of humans, and yet, no two humans can ever share or truly feel one another's pain.

-snip bnoope nope nope nope sorry I do not want to be at the front of the page oh golly I wish you couold delete posts-

Not today

[QUOTE=No_Excuses;48258720]I think I'm done. I got a migraine tonight that wouldn't stop I have had 4 auras in a row now. I'm in the hospital. I feel so spaced out I don't know whars going on. I think I'm going to kill myself in this bed. I have no options. My mind is broken Its the end for me. My best friend is offline and I can't say goodbye. My mom is going to be so sad. I can't handle it guys. I can't handle this anymore. [editline]21st July 2015[/editline] This spaced out feeling has cursed me for years. Its so bad right now. So very bad. It's like I'm not even me. Never been this bad.I'm calling it. [editline]21st July 2015[/editline] I didn't want to end it like this. I thought I was getting better. I had things to do still[/QUOTE] DON'T YOU FUCKING TO DARE DO IT!!! There's a chance for things to get better, don't throw that chance away.

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48258805]DON'T YOU FUCKING TO DARE DO IT!!! There's a chance for things to get better, don't throw that chance away.[/QUOTE] I'm so sorry man. I'm crying so bad. I won't do it. I won't I promise. I've just been so screwed up. And it's so bad right now. Lifes just been so hard. Today was the most afrid I've ever been

Another job interview and another place I didn't get so I am flat out broke, now my plans are scuttled like a ship in the sea and a feeling I should sink with it, fuck living in a city where no matter what you are against upwards of 4 people for the same position. I find it bad that people have told me those who got the positions I've applied for are complete shitters and don't care and unlike them I can't just sit and leach off my family if I get fired or quit out of boredom. NEET life is painful and I can't break the cycle

[QUOTE=No_Excuses;48258817]I'm so sorry man. I'm crying so bad. I won't do it. I won't I promise. I've just been so screwed up. And it's so bad right now. Lifes just been so hard. Today was the most afrid I've ever been[/QUOTE] (つ;__;)つ⊂(・﹏・⊂) Thank you. Your promise means a lot. So much so that it got me teared up there. Shit's fucked, I know. But there is light.

First session of therapy today for my wife. Wish us luck! Please, I urge all of you. If you need help, get it! Chances are there are free services that you can get to help you. Getting help isn't weak, it's the strong thing to do. You can do it

Mum seems to really want to know what is running through my mind I don't tell my family much about my mental state, it's as if she wants to know what is being discussed with my psychologist (she never has asked upfront about what has been discussed at these sessions, respects that I am seeing someone) it's like it's an issue for her to not know Like I don't know, she said that I go into "fine detail about work and Uni but as soon its about my thoughts, nope" well I don't like sharing what runs through this head of mine 24/7 to anybody. I don't like burdening anybody about my issues, sure I vent in other places and talk to some people but to me it's nobody's business. Family doesn't need to know this. Because what happens is, they try to undermine and give me redundant advice. I get they're trying to be supportive and help but I'd prefer they just kept quiet. I don't mind if they ask me if I'm feeling okay, I like when they do but to have them appear like they want to peer into my social and sex life is kinda annoying. I don't do it to them, it's not my business, I don't know why they do it for me. My family has been nosy, I get used to it. But whatever, they're very caring people and I respect and love them for that a lot. But eh

welp the mental hospital I was working up the nerve to go to for an entire month is apparently [url=https://plus.google.com/109227975343452860091/about?hl=en&gl=us]horrible to their patients.[/url] i dont know what to do anymore, and i wish i left more painkillers from my wisdom teeth removal so i could take them all at once

I already feel dead, so why not just be dead? I don't know. I mean I meet my counsellor again tomorrow for more advice that basically makes me feel better for 5 minutes.