Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I've been sort of depressed since I was 12 (thought about suicide a lot and it still spooks around in my head from time to time), now I met this girl a few weeks ago and I finally thought I had shit going for me. I had someone to talk to and I felt happy, I had happy thoughts and everything and I just didn't feel like shit anymore [QUOTE=Timezbrick;48297357]I think I fucked up somewhere because the girl I had my first date and kiss with told me she isn't looking for a boyfriend. Now I feel like shit and I don't know what to do, I really like her. I thought I finally had shit going for me..[/QUOTE] And now I feel like shit again and I don't know what to do, I used to game a lot but that doesn't do it any more. I get bored and frustrated really easy and fast.

[QUOTE=Elstumpo;48297637]I'm in a weird position where everyone else feels so distant like I'm just watching. Like none of my actions have or will really matter. There's lots of segments to this, but the main thing is that I don't feel like I have any agency in this world. I have lots of friends, two very close friends and I'm set to graduate. I'm not at all happy and my anxiety has come back after 3 years of thinking I grew out of it. And this depression has never been stronger but I'm not getting suicidal thoughts at this stage. Do you guys think this might be a brain chemistry thing? That I should go see a doctor?[/QUOTE] Do you have feelings of self-loathing or worthlessness in addition to feeling like your actions don't matter? Why are you feeling unhappy? did you experience something bad at any point in your life you haven't yet managed to move past? If not, it could just be depression, as thinking that one's actions won't matter is a symptom of this.

Today I learnt almost every person in my mothers side of my family including my brother, was or currently is being treated for a depressive or anxiety disorder. I'm interested to see what my doctor thinks when I see him in a week.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;48297670]Do you have feelings of self-loathing or worthlessness in addition to feeling like your actions don't matter? Why are you feeling unhappy? did you experience something bad at any point in your life you haven't yet managed to move past? If not, it could just be depression, as thinking that one's actions won't matter is a symptom of this.[/QUOTE] Yeah. The worst thing recently is that I basically got thrown under the bus by a girl I had a semi-casual thing with but that feelings been getting worse as time goes on. I've felt like this since before I even met the girl though. I'd be fine with this though if I felt like I had options in girls to persue. Or the ability to move onto anything else really.

[QUOTE=DeEz;48290595]Depersonalization usually goes hand in hand with other psychological disorders. Is there anything else you've experienced since around the time this started? Anxiety, depression, general ongoing stress? [/QUOTE] Anxious and worrisome at some points in my life. I experienced a really bad breakup 8 months ago, and back then when I was going through dealing with it I didn't even experience anything like it. My psychiatrist insisted that I'm experiencing depression, and that even though I'm not extremely sad or demotivated it's still a "chemical imbalance" within the brain.

Onward to get back to my old psychiatrist tomorrow.

[QUOTE=Elstumpo;48300584]Yeah. The worst thing recently is that I basically got thrown under the bus by a girl I had a semi-casual thing with but that feelings been getting worse as time goes on. I've felt like this since before I even met the girl though. I'd be fine with this though if I felt like I had options in girls to persue. Or the ability to move onto anything else really.[/QUOTE] That's just it though, casual flings are like that. One way or the other you'd eventually have to move on. Only thing is, you got dumped and thrown under the bus. Any self-respecting person wouldn't be too happy at that. If you ask me, just remember that there's plenty of fish in the sea where that one came from, and you'll eventually find somebody to settle down with. Or at the least, have a long-term relationship with. The lack of options seems like it could be a problem, but for now focus on trying to move past it all. Any time this comes to mind, remember that this shit can happen to just about anybody, and such things are transient issues. A problem you're emotionally involved in is always more painful to deal with and harder to move on from, but it's for the best if you try and forget your old fling, and give yourself some time to heal. Then try looking for another relationship when you feel you're ready.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;48303554]That's just it though, casual flings are like that. One way or the other you'd eventually have to move on. Only thing is, you got dumped and thrown under the bus. Any self-respecting person wouldn't be too happy at that. If you ask me, just remember that there's plenty of fish in the sea where that one came from, and you'll eventually find somebody to settle down with. Or at the least, have a long-term relationship with. The lack of options seems like it could be a problem, but for now focus on trying to move past it all. Any time this comes to mind, remember that this shit can happen to just about anybody, and such things are transient issues. A problem you're emotionally involved in is always more painful to deal with and harder to move on from, but it's for the best if you try and forget your old fling, and give yourself some time to heal. Then try looking for another relationship when you feel you're ready.[/QUOTE] I was ready to move on. It didn't even hurt much when it happened, just that its been 6 months and no one seems remotely interested in me. :v: That and I see her around a bunch. I just don't really know what it takes to change oneself with any meaning.

This is the one place I feel I can vent without hurting everyone around me. I feel so fucking messed up inside, I feel twisted. I don't even really want to go to college this fall, I don't want to go to work anymore. My one day off this week I spent sleeping! I can't even tell what I want anymore out of this life, I have so little family, so few people who might be able to understand. Therapy hasn't helped, these fucking stupid pills don't help, only one thing has made me feel the least bit happy this entire past year and that is other people, some days I would pull myself from bed just to see friends and this one girl who had a smile that made me smile. I feel like crying all of the time now, I don't want to be me anymore, I'm fucking so sick of living and feeling like I have no purpose. I should feel like life is worth it, I have college and a good job in the near future but I still feel purposeless, I don't necessarily want these things. Only other people have ever made me feel like life is worth living. I want help, I need help, I shouldn't feel this way.

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 16. My dad also passed away yesterday. We don't know what happened to him yet. He left in his sleep. That's the best way to go, I guess. Didn't feel a thing. He was 47. I feel like it is my responsibility to spread his memory as much as I can. Even if that means to you random internet strangers. Rest In Peace, Dad. I'll miss you so much.

[QUOTE=Th3applek1d;48304240]Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 16. My dad also passed away yesterday. We don't know what happened to him yet. He left in his sleep. That's the best way to go, I guess. Didn't feel a thing. He was 47. I feel like it is my responsibility to spread his memory as much as I can. Even if that means to you random internet strangers. Rest In Peace, Dad. I'll miss you so much.[/QUOTE] My Father passed away 1 year and 6 days ago. I was there at the time of his death, but the rest of the details are seriously depressing. If you ever need to talk to someone regarding this, I'm always willing to help, even if it's just lending an ear. [QUOTE=ColdWave;48304129]This is the one place I feel I can vent without hurting everyone around me. I feel so fucking messed up inside, I feel twisted. I don't even really want to go to college this fall, I don't want to go to work anymore. My one day off this week I spent sleeping! I can't even tell what I want anymore out of this life, I have so little family, so few people who might be able to understand. Therapy hasn't helped, these fucking stupid pills don't help, only one thing has made me feel the least bit happy this entire past year and that is other people, some days I would pull myself from bed just to see friends and this one girl who had a smile that made me smile. I feel like crying all of the time now, I don't want to be me anymore, I'm fucking so sick of living and feeling like I have no purpose. I should feel like life is worth it, I have college and a good job in the near future but I still feel purposeless, I don't necessarily want these things. Only other people have ever made me feel like life is worth living. I want help, I need help, I shouldn't feel this way.[/QUOTE] It sounds like you're in desperate need of a companion. Someone who can make you feel like you have a purpose.

so a sub-community here on FP that i've been a part of for a few years has turned out to be nothing but an elitist circlejerk even on the internet i'm ostracized [QUOTE=Th3applek1d;48304240]Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 16. My dad also passed away yesterday. We don't know what happened to him yet. He left in his sleep. That's the best way to go, I guess. Didn't feel a thing. He was 47. I feel like it is my responsibility to spread his memory as much as I can. Even if that means to you random internet strangers. Rest In Peace, Dad. I'll miss you so much.[/QUOTE]Fuck, man. My condolences.

[QUOTE=Flubbman;48305662]so a sub-community here on FP that i've been a part of for a few years has turned out to be nothing but an elitist circlejerk even on the internet i'm ostracized Fuck, man. My condolences.[/QUOTE] thats what most sub communities are, I can only think of a few that have a consistently good atmosphere

[QUOTE=robo126;48306539]I feel like no one would even give a shit if I just disappeared. I might as well be fucking invisible. I've been spending most of my time doing absolutely nothing and feeling like shit. I want to scream.[/QUOTE] Our inner demon's are masters at conjuring up the lies that hurt up us the most. Don't succumb to those lies.

Been just over a week since I started taking prozac and, to my surprise, it's more effective than I imagined. I'm generally more relaxed than I was before; not worried or angry as much either. I hope I don't have to take them for too long but I'm glad I got the ball rolling and asked the doctor for help.

-nevermind I still feel like its bad to bitch & whine snippy snip-

i feel so empty all the time. nobody talks to me unless spoken to, and nobody could give a shit about me, i'm invisible. nobody asks how i am, i'm always the one who cares without receiving anything back. i feel like i have given away who i am so that others won't be able to feel how i do. i deal with so much shit in my life it makes me just want to poof away without a trace of existence left behind, i feel as if i'm already halfway there frankly. there's nothing for me to do, i cant drive yet, can hang out with friends because of where i live, i'm stuck in a mind jail and i'm its metaphorical prisoner. nobody wants to help me because i haven't told anyone. i'm suffering in silence. all i see are my friends succeeding without me, living happily. when i'm out in public i have to paint a happy face on so people won't be spread rumors about me being a sad sack of shit. why does everything have to take something else down with it? like i'd totally ask for help from someone, but i'd just be a nuisance.

Does anyone else have problems with hypochondria and anxiety attacks? My first episode was in high school, I convinced myself that I had appendicitis and spent 2 weeks in full panic mode + an ER visit. Earlier today I started another episode, I have lower back pain in my left side and did the wrong thing and looked it up on WebMD and saw that it could be a huge collection of things and it is throwing me into a panic loop again.

I deal with that on a near constant basis. But mostly because I'm a hardcore emetophobe. Every single time I feel a little nauseous I go into full panic mode which makes it worse. It ends up becoming a pretty vicious cycle. I often find that avoiding Web MD entirely helps. And enlisting a support group of friends or family that can offer reassurance. Going for a walk or focusing on something like a game or a movie helps as well. You basically have to break your brain's train of thought and throw it onto something else. Looking for medical information on the internet is a crapshoot. If nothing else, I ask people in real time over chats and stuff to see what their experience with a certain illness was, if they had it. I'd rather get results like that than a website telling me "you'll probably die". There's just a lot of little things you can do. I developed an addiction to minty gum and peppermints which isn't a bad one (as long as I keep brushing my teeth regularly, I guess and don't consume TOO much) because the mints help settle my stomach a lot when it's acting up and I can return to normal by relaxing and knowing that the mint helps. It's kind of a funky trade off but it's worth it. Focus on finding relaxation techniques. Anxiety is the worst when it's contributing to pseudo-illness.

I don't think switching from Abilify to Zyprexa was such a bright idea. I'm having issues with being constantly stressed over everything now. I worry that my family snoops around on the room, I worry that accounts on the internet aren't safe, that my VPS' are compromised, that my computer will die any second, that our freezers aren't working, etc. I'm in a constant state of paranoia over everything. I have so little energy too, its completely gone. Zyprexa wasn't the wonder drug I had hoped it would be. Abilify worked out so much better for me compared to this. [editline]29th July 2015[/editline] I feel software I use is backdoored or insecure. I feel that there's gonna be corruption wherever I go. I can tell myself "chill out, its part of your illness" as much as I want, but I won't believe it.

It is 20:30 or so. I suppose I might as well go to bed. Not like I would do anything else. Better than yesterday where I went to bed at 20:00. The internet has lost its charm, as has netflix, youtube and video games. You guys are all cool, but I don't know, I am just exhausted. Strange, as I did fuck all. At least I can wake up early, and for a couple minutes in the morning I don't feel terrible. Got a GP appointment next week, but it's with a new doctor because I have fucked up arrangements due to swapping between home and uni. Maybe I'll be able to swap to something that works, citalopram is clearly a huge failure for me. Have a referral to a consultant psychiatrist in a month and a half but that is so far away. I'm sure I'll manage to sabotage myself either emotionally or practically before then somehow, it is a talent of mine.

Out of both of my sleeping meds, it's gonna be a long night :v:

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48326456]Out of both of my sleeping meds, it's gonna be a long night :v:[/QUOTE] You need an interesting book to read.

[QUOTE=kimr120;48326471]You need an interesting book to read.[/QUOTE] I used to read a lot, then I switched over to listening to audiobooks a lot but nowdays I can't really do either unless I'm traveling, can't really focus.

I've begun to notice that I've been having times when I get a "spike of thoughts", so to speak, and it leaves me breathing kind of heavily and sometimes slightly lightheaded. I've noticed they're becoming more frequent, does it sound like anything serious? I know I'm probably being a hypochondriac but I feel like it may give me a bit of relief if I knew if something was actually wrong

Lost a good friend due to my toxic and shitty attitude, quite a sickening feeling when it hits you that it's ALL you and it's not like you can throw the blame or abate the feeling. On the flip-side I am finally getting therapy and I should know by next monday a possible start date and where. I have been told I am getting someone very highly sought after who often does art or drama therapy, I hope it can help set me on the right path.

I've been going through an existential crisis recently. How do you cope with death? I have no strong religion but I'm agnostic and I believe in the afterlife but I always have doubts. What if There's nothing past this? It's so terrifying it honestly petrifies me. Thr biggest thing Isn't what happens after. But that I'm gonna lose. I don't want ti lose my loved ones. I don't think i could handle it. For the first time i finally feel happy and the thought of it ending terrifys me so much

I'm getting off anti depressents and they really make me feel awful to withdraw from which sucks, I think I'm more depressed now than I've ever been before; there are times where I feel completely unable to do anything, and everything stresses me out. I find myself staring into space at everything and only feeling misery and insignificance, everything feels terrible all the time. I haven't regressed again to suicidal tendencies but life feels painful to live. I have a new job, I've been spending time with friends, I've been finding the time to relax, but nothing makes me feel good any more, everything is always just stressing me out and giving me so much anxiety. I should be happy but I'm not.

Ive come to realize that my wife will probably never be happy. She will live the rest of her life only seeing the horrible in life. And always twisting the good things into bad. It is making me bitter.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48328343]Ive come to realize that my wife will probably never be happy. She will live the rest of her life only seeing the horrible in life. And always twisting the good things into bad. It is making me bitter.[/QUOTE] New treatments are in development. So don't give up hope yet. [QUOTE=Mamok Zalku;48327855]I'm getting off anti depressents and they really make me feel awful to withdraw from which sucks, I think I'm more depressed now than I've ever been before; there are times where I feel completely unable to do anything, and everything stresses me out. I find myself staring into space at everything and only feeling misery and insignificance, everything feels terrible all the time. I haven't regressed again to suicidal tendencies but life feels painful to live. I have a new job, I've been spending time with friends, I've been finding the time to relax, but nothing makes me feel good any more, everything is always just stressing me out and giving me so much anxiety. I should be happy but I'm not.[/QUOTE] Same goes for you. We'll just have to be all ears and see how Transgenial Mangetic Stimulation turns out to be. _____________________________________________________ I feel like I'm running on fumes. Yesterday was just horrible, feeling more suicidal than I've felt in a long time. Trying how a plastic bag feels over my head and then searching info on different methods. What has given me strength to keep on track has been hope for that I'll eventually get to fix and strengthen the relationship with my girlfriend. But it really isn't easy, with her head being all kinds of messed up and communication being just so damn slow. And today I received a reminder on why it is so important that things get fixed with her: She's one of my best friends and she understands me even better than my first mate, whom I've been best friends with for well over ten years and pulled through all kinds of shit. The reminder was that my best friend and his fiancee (also a really close friend of mine) are moving back up north, half-ways across the country for when their school's are about to commence. Then those two people that I love be away from my life for who knows how long. And if I don't get things fixed with my girlfriend, well. Then I've not only lost her, but an entire goddamn family that I cared about immensely and whom I got along with so well. It's feel kinda messed up that I got way better along with her father than with my own. There is just too much on the line, I won't be able to cope if I lose them all.