Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Thank you. We go to our local behavioral health facility after her suicide attempt. Hoping to get help because that's what they said would be the fastest. After a week and two useless consultations, we're still waiting 3 weeks for her to even see someone......

[QUOTE=ChicagoMobster;48327638]I've been going through an existential crisis recently. How do you cope with death? I have no strong religion but I'm agnostic and I believe in the afterlife but I always have doubts. What if There's nothing past this? It's so terrifying it honestly petrifies me. Thr biggest thing Isn't what happens after. But that I'm gonna lose. I don't want ti lose my loved ones. I don't think i could handle it. For the first time i finally feel happy and the thought of it ending terrifys me so much[/QUOTE] I kinda learned that if you want to be your best you need to live side by side with death. Death is what makes a man do his best. Without death there would be no beauty, power, or mystery. Acknowledge death and use it to treat your family and friends always with your best. A man that walks with death carries a certain weight with his actions. His actions aren't that of a person that'll live forever(like the average person) but they are the actions of a man who only has a short time here.

I don't know to start this but oh well. I got a friend on skype/steam for over 2 years, he is a good guy, but is in depression, really wants to suicide and has anxiety issues from what I heard. I can't help him, no matter what I try. 1 week ago, he quitted the idea because he fell in love. Few days later, his girlfriend broke up with him and he just wants to quit everything. Yesterday, I asked another friend that is from the same country as him if we could call this phone number that is the equivalent of the suicide hotline. The woman on the phoneline didn't help us a little bit, now I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place but yeah.

gonna visit a new psychiatric hospital tomorrow where I might transfer to. it specializes more about my kind of illness. I don't have a whole lot of thoughts about it, though not looking forward to it. I was thinking of moving out from my parents, but everyone around me says its a bad idea and I sort of agree even if I don't really want to agree. I'm sick of being in the system, I want to stand on my own feet instead of getting help. though as said, people don't recommend it and the logical side of me agrees. the hospital I'm possibly moving to is open 24/7 instead of 24/5 which I'm used to from the hospital I go to now. means no more going home on a regular basis. I'm afraid my pets will forget who I am. I don't know what else there is I can do. I see three choices. stay at home and get worse, move out by myself and see how that works out, or move to this new hospital. staying at home and getting worse is a bad move even if it gives me more freedom, moving out on my own could work but what if it doesn't? then there's going to this hospital where I'll get help. I suppose I should give it a shot before writing it off. I'm fairly tired of being the centre of attention in my case. I've lived in a hospital for nearly a year now and I'm being told I might look forward to two years in this new hospital with 24/7 stay compared to 24/5.

[QUOTE=SilverBullet;48331557]I kinda learned that if you want to be your best you need to live side by side with death. Death is what makes a man do his best. Without death there would be no beauty, power, or mystery. Acknowledge death and use it to treat your family and friends always with your best. A man that walks with death carries a certain weight with his actions. His actions aren't that of a person that'll live forever(like the average person) but they are the actions of a man who only has a short time here.[/QUOTE] It's not really making life worth living I'm worried about. It's trying to accept that it's going to end. I mean I'm young I'm going to turn 19 in two weeks but i keep thinking Like I'm going to die tomorrow

[QUOTE=ChicagoMobster;48335116]It's not really making life worth living I'm worried about. It's trying to accept that it's going to end. I mean I'm young I'm going to turn 19 in two weeks but i keep thinking Like I'm going to die tomorrow[/QUOTE] I only have one piece of advice for you, and thats pretty much what I already stated, but I'll say it a bit differently this time. Your knowledge dictates your actions and visa versa, to accept the end one must act like they do. In a way, you could think of it kinda like "fake it till you make it". Start living like every act is your last. Every action we take is a struggle, a battle so to speak. Treat every action as your last stand, your last battle before you leave forever. I can't promise that this will fix all your problems, but it will dull the edge of your fright. To further explain, the reason why this is so effective is because it leaves no loose ends. You aren't worried about not ever seeing your family or friends ever again because you have given your everything to them. You give yourself to the world around you so much that you no longer owe it. So if you died tonight it wouldn't matter to you.

I understand. Thank you. I'll tey to keep it in mind. I just have to really stop over thinking it [editline]30th July 2015[/editline] I'm still trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. I feel like my anxiety /fear is unnecessary and over exaggerated [editline]30th July 2015[/editline] I actually try to take comfort in that in my dying breath endorphins in my head will go off and give me a sense kf peace or that since my brain is failing I'll losw the ability to care. but i always think "but what if thay doesn't happen?" My anxiety takes any comfort for anything in general and just says "what if it doesn't? " Talking makes me realize what my mom told me. I'm thinking negatively . I keep saying to "what if it doesn't " to ant comfort i never say "what if it doesn't " to any negative stuff

[QUOTE=ChicagoMobster;48335620]I understand. Thank you. I'll tey to keep it in mind. I just have to really stop over thinking it [editline]30th July 2015[/editline] I'm still trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. I feel like my anxiety /fear is unnecessary and over exaggerated [editline]30th July 2015[/editline] I actually try to take comfort in that in my dying breath endorphins in my head will go off and give me a sense kf peace or that since my brain is failing I'll losw the ability to care. but i always think "but what if thay doesn't happen?" My anxiety takes any comfort for anything in general and just says "what if it doesn't? " Talking makes me realize what my mom told me. I'm thinking negatively . I keep saying to "what if it doesn't " to ant comfort i never say "what if it doesn't " to any negative stuff[/QUOTE] I hear that if you die fighting, death will be gentle. It is when you die laying in bed waiting for it, that it is painful. It doesn't matter what kills you, be it illness, accident, whatever, you are given the option to fight with all you got, mentally and physically.

I like to imagine it as something like spending the whole day being active and coming home and quickly falling asleep without realizing it. Where as if you don't do anything you can't fall asleep and you.just have tk wait for it

A lot of stuff has been going down, and now i dont feel happy with my job, my home, my girlfriend, nothing. I just feel down. And whenever something petty goes wrong i feel like punching a wall. Gotta hope this is a passing thing.

[QUOTE=Str4fe;48346540]A lot of stuff has been going down, and now i dont feel happy with my job, my home, my girlfriend, nothing. I just feel down. And whenever something petty goes wrong i feel like punching a wall. Gotta hope this is a passing thing.[/QUOTE] I feel you. The littlest thing sets me off and it makes me feel like shit. Stay strong, lad.

So yesterday I went out to eat with friends and it turns out my friends sister who was with us is actually friends with my ex-girlfriend. The relationship didn't end well, in fact, it was one of my most traumatizing relationships. Needless to say without getting specific the night out was really awkward and everyone was feeling it. When I went home I got really depressed and started beating myself up. I left the facebook group which is kind of the planning hub for me and my friends. When they asked why I left, I said I just needed to clear my head, with no real explanation at all. I think I suffer from on again off again depression because it doesn't happen often, but when it does I get hit hard. I usually don't eat much or sleep at all for an entire week and go as far as to alienate myself from loved ones. It's usually caused by one source; I will get fixated on that source, start being reminded of other sad or regretful things I've done, which results in being even more sad. Not going to lie to myself, seeing her again was what definitely started it, but it wasn't because I missed her. Quite the opposite actually. I wanted to stay far away from her as possible. She was extremely abusive and twisted things around to make it out to be my fault, even when I wasn't involved in anyway. Friends and even people I didn't know personally saw what she was doing and urged me to end the relation ship, so I did. So back on topic, I know what I'm doing and how I'm thinking isn't right, but I can't help it. While it doesn't happen all the time, it happens enough to the point where it's a problem, and my friends are now so comfortable with it, they dismiss it as, "Just a Paincake thing". I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it. I hate feeling like this, and I'm sick of beating myself up over shit that isn't my fault.

Quoting myself from WAYT: [QUOTE=Starlight 456;48350818]I finally told my mother that I think I'm clinically depressed and she said she'll talk to dad and get me help.[/QUOTE]

Gave self harm another shot, took a batarang switchblade to do so, had to actually saw into my flesh to start bleeding and now it won't stop. I dont want to do this, and I don't know how to explain this to my shrink

[QUOTE=Raizo;48350857]Gave self harm another shot, took a batarang switchblade to do so, had to actually saw into my flesh to start bleeding and now it won't stop. I dont want to do this, and I don't know how to explain this to my shrink[/QUOTE] If it stems from self-loathing then it's easy to explain to your shrink. (Talking out of personal experience here.)

[QUOTE=Raizo;48350857]Gave self harm another shot, took a batarang switchblade to do so, had to actually saw into my flesh to start bleeding and now it won't stop. I dont want to do this, and I don't know how to explain this to my shrink[/QUOTE] I put a blade in my body to (Reason for it goes here) Its really just that simple. In other news my anxiety and depression have been gone for quite awhile now. I still hallucinate on the daily which doesn't really bother me and get random spouts of insane amounts of energy. Come August 13 I'm going back to Mental health to be put into groups for even more helping stuff.

Bleh, every time I think I have this sexuality shit all figured out it gets thrown out of whack. I've been burying myself in music and music learning when I'm not working, and yeah I know I know its fluid but I would just like to have a baseline to start from. Its like all my thoughts on this are a tangled pile of snakes and I can't start pulling it apart and digging into it without getting bitten. I figured my ADHD out, have started curtailing my OCD tendencies with lights and stoves and such, fought off the worst of the depression and anxiety, but now all thats left is this and it really irritates me I can't check this final box and say "yay i'm fixed" (for now) [editline]2nd August 2015[/editline] I want to date, but I don't trust myself. I don't feel much sexually and never really felt warm and flushed when I saw attractive women (and I do with men), and find myself envisioning a future with a man much more than a woman. But something still feels wrong and off about it all, like some kind of cognitive dissonance. If I think too hard about it I literally get a headache, its the weirdest thing [editline]2nd August 2015[/editline] the mind is weird yo

I've gained about 5kg/11 pounds since I started taking Zyprexa. I do not like that at all, I already feel fat. hopefully I can quit these meds soon

i was writing this up for "weird kids at your school" thread, but i realized i would have killed the mood if i had this as the introduction to that time in my life. i still need to talk to people about it. [quote]i was homeschooled until high school, and in HS i went from being [I]that kid[/I] to really popular and well liked just because i wasn't a prick. eventually i got jumped because someone spread a rumor about me being gay (even though i had three girlfriends up until that point in junior year). i actually am gay, and out of fear i got into those relationships to throw the scent off the trail. they knew about it and were playing along because they knew how bad it could get at that school (i would never lead someone on). anyway, the first time i was jumped, i hauled off on one of the three attackers and fucked him up good, not without my own injuries though. two weeks later i was jumped again, and they brought more people. it was a long struggle that ended with me being on the ground with them stomping on my crotch, yelling "faggot" and "tranny". i got a testicular torsion then, and later had to get one of my testicles removed because it "twisted around like an apple stem", according to my surgeon. that, along with the rest of the lacerations on my inner leg make everything down there not look good. i have large amounts of scar tissue on my genitalia because of it. the surgery had complications that were found to be because of my ehlers-danlos syndrome (connective tissue disorder/collagen deficiency). after that point, my ehlers-danlos worsened to the point where i had to go to a school for kids with medical complications. [/quote] at that school, i met the only girl i had a true romantic attachment to. we were friends for a few weeks then were "together" for just under a month. she was at the school because of an affliction (that i will not name) that made her have to get a heart transplant (which she got relatively recently to the time i met her). she was beautiful, even with the scar. our relationship ended when she stopped going to school suddenly, and i eventually got her parent's phone numbers and called them to find out what happened. her body rejected the heart and she died in her sleep. she's the only person that left me in my life that i miss.

[QUOTE=Raizo;48350857]Gave self harm another shot, took a batarang switchblade to do so, had to actually saw into my flesh to start bleeding and now it won't stop. I dont want to do this, and I don't know how to explain this to my shrink[/QUOTE] I was thinking about this. I believe we can't always effect on how we feel or think. When my feelings were unbearable I urged to rip my skin of or drive my car against to cliff. After I was dealing with them better I could think they are just thoughts and very uncomfortable feelings. I was wondering could your therapist help you to figure out your feelings and thoughts. Take care.

Ive pretty much given up on my marriage. I love my wife and always will. But there's two sides to her. The Happy side. And the angry side. That side hates her life and doesn't want our kids. Doesn't want to be married. Just wants to leave. I can't help but believe that's the real her. What she really wants is to finally have nothing to do with us. So I just want to let her go to stop feeling this constant state of fear and anxiety. Constant feeling that my wife doesn't love me enough to push through all the crap in life. That when she said her vows, she was lying. It's tiring me out.

Not really sure if this falls under the guidelines of the thread all the way but I've been having a lot of trouble with sleep lately due to depression. When I get depressed, I usually don't eat or sleep much. My sleep schedule is to the point where I'm going to bed at 7 am and waking up at 2 pm. I need to figure out how to fix this.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48363981]Ive pretty much given up on my marriage. I love my wife and always will. But there's two sides to her. The Happy side. And the angry side. That side hates her life and doesn't want our kids. Doesn't want to be married. Just wants to leave. I can't help but believe that's the real her. What she really wants is to finally have nothing to do with us. So I just want to let her go to stop feeling this constant state of fear and anxiety. Constant feeling that my wife doesn't love me enough to push through all the crap in life. That when she said her vows, she was lying. It's tiring me out.[/QUOTE] Well its not her, I don't believe it is. I can't imagine how hard it feels but you are incredibly strong for fighting for this long. You are seeking treatment and help and on the road to recovery, and that just further cements who you are. So try to keep it up, but remember that you shouldn't have to light yourself on fire to warm others. Too much is bad for you, as well.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

my sister wrote me a two-page consolation letter in regards to her continued systematic attempts to tear down my individual opinions and spirit since i was born. it was well written, and she said that she was "intimidated by my intelligence". she's an honor roll student that got a free ride to the best invite-only colleges in the state. however, the manner in which the letter was written makes me believe that it's another attempt to get on my good side after a large scale incident. a few days ago she screamed at me saying that she was going to kill herself and it will be all my fault, among other things. i've refused to talk to her since. i've cared so much about her, and it was never reciprocated, and she has always attempted to undo all the damage she has done in the past. i have forgiven her too many times to fall for this again. she's mentally unstable, and she's not someone i should let back into my life. i have no reason to believe she will not turn on me again. i will continue to block her out of my life until i move out. she will be ignored from then on.

It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed. As this goes on, it doesn't get any easier. I haven't worked in almost a month because my wife might hurt herself. Our bills are getting bigger. Our kids are suffocating. I just don't want to get out of bed.

My wife got angry at me for having a panic attack. I asked her to show me she loves me and she got angry. Asked "why is it always all about you?" She doesn't love me.

I think I had my first full hallucination as I can't tell if it was real or not. I put in my houses home number wrong as it turns out. When I called it to get a pick up it rang and then the ringing noise changed completely. Which it got picked up and then there was weird breathing and distorted noises. Which not knowing it was the wrong number I asked to get picked up. Which then whoever or whatever replied that no one was home. A car accident had happened and someone was dead I think. Then another minute of weird breathing and distorted noises and me asking hello with no response. Then it replied with we are trapped in a elevator and can't get out followed by a big bang. Then it went back to breathing, distorted sounds, someone peacing around after about a minute and a half there was a loud bang and then it went dead. The most bizarre part was the one voice I heard sounded like my brother. I can't tell if it was real or not but I am completely on edge now. I also got woken up from something calling my name this morning even though no one was there.

I actually had to block FP for like a week just so I could force myself to stop looking at it. Here I am again. lol. this is just fucking pathetic. I did it so I could see if not going here for a while would help me feel a bit better. Of course it didn't, because being here has nothing to do with how I feel at all. I'm an idiot. Dunno if I'm gonna keep posting/looking on FP after this. Either way it doesn't really matter. I have a feeling I'm not well liked around here in general so I may stop before someone has enough of me. Don't take my word for it though. I'm a flaky fuck lol

[QUOTE=Mysterious;48379436]I actually had to block FP for like a week just so I could force myself to stop looking at it. Here I am again. lol. this is just fucking pathetic. I did it so I could see if not going here for a while would help me feel a bit better. Of course it didn't, because being here has nothing to do with how I feel at all. I'm an idiot. Dunno if I'm gonna keep posting/looking on FP after this. Either way it doesn't really matter. I have a feeling I'm not well liked around here in general so I may stop before someone has enough of me. Don't take my word for it though. I'm a flaky fuck lol[/QUOTE] You're selling yourself shorter than you think. I doubt there's very many around who even dislike you, leave alone hate you. And take it from me; it's impossible to please everybody, so if that's what's on your mind, forget about it. Though, if you decide to leave at any point for w/e reason, do it on your own terms instead of requesting permabans. That shit isn't worth it.