Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Mysterious;48379436]I actually had to block FP for like a week just so I could force myself to stop looking at it. Here I am again. lol. this is just fucking pathetic. I did it so I could see if not going here for a while would help me feel a bit better. Of course it didn't, because being here has nothing to do with how I feel at all. I'm an idiot. Dunno if I'm gonna keep posting/looking on FP after this. Either way it doesn't really matter. I have a feeling I'm not well liked around here in general so I may stop before someone has enough of me. Don't take my word for it though. I'm a flaky fuck lol[/QUOTE] Forums are communities where people piss in the sea of piss. I don't think people would hate you or each other unless you intentionally try to make yourself hated. I've seen you around on here a lot (in my excessive lurking) and you make pretty positive posts. Like Zone said, don't sell yourself short. Back on topic though, it's hard to push back feelings of suicide. In my moments of low, telling myself that the few who care about me would be saddened by my demise. And tips for everybody who have the tendency to think about killing yourself, you have MANY people you don't realize who care.

Went and picked up more sertraline and also mirtazapine cause I'm gonna start taking that too.

I don't actually know how I feel at the moment. Maybe better? Still feel bad though. Brain please stop being stupid thanks.

Had a great night out last night with the wife. Coffee and talking until midnight. Talked a lot about changes we wanted to make. About how sorry she was for leaving me to take care of everything by myself while she sits there moping around. I had my hopes up. We wake up early this morning to get things done and she's instantly in a bad mood. Pissy, just because. Like always. I guess people never really change. They just talk and talk but never really do anything. I don't know why I even bother talking to her.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48390140]Had a great night out last night with the wife. Coffee and talking until midnight. Talked a lot about changes we wanted to make. About how sorry she was for leaving me to take care of everything by myself while she sits there moping around. I had my hopes up. We wake up early this morning to get things done and she's instantly in a bad mood. Pissy, just because. Like always. I guess people never really change. They just talk and talk but never really do anything. I don't know why I even bother talking to her.[/QUOTE] No, you see that earlier sentence? Thats who I believe your wife is. Depressive mood swings and episodes can pop in and out like nothing else. I have it all the time where I feel great in the afternoon and evening but can be a real dick in the morning (and its something I'm trying to fix). People can and do change but any change worth making isn't easy or fast. Talking helps, but its slow. And you bother talking to her because you have hope and you care, and it seems that hope is fairly placed. Its too easy to get bogged down in things like this and let those thoughts run wild. With ADHD I can start at something like "I got a bad grade on a test" and end up at "I am a complete failure" because I let my thoughts race and the anxious, nervous snowball run free. When you feel yourself doing that, letting those thoughts take hold, try to step back and double think the situation. Try little mindfullness meditation- start with 30 seconds. For 30 seconds, don't chase any of those thoughts. Just observe them. Focus on your breathing and let your mind run free.

Man, you're super helpful. Thank you. I'll do that. I'll try to stop those thoughts from running.

I sort of regret starting up with Zyprexa now. while I haven't gained any more weight since I last posted about it, its giving me insane food cravings. I'm never satisfied when thinking of hunger and appetite. I can eat and eat and eat, it never stops. I'm limiting myself as best as I can, but its not easy when my entire body screams for more food. I'm afraid I'll gain more weight. weight has been a massive concern for me for as long as I can remember. when I was younger I was a bit chubby which I got bullied for which left a mark. I remember losing a lot of weight back then which I regained after I got a girlfriend. I gained 20 kg in that relationship alone which lasted 1 year and 3 months. since our breakup, I've gained another 10 kg. now I sit at pretty much exactly 100kg / 220 pounds. it's odd to think that I was 30 kg lighter at the same height at one point. I remember feeling pretty fat back then too, but now I'd do anything to be back at it. losing weight isn't easy either. I don't like to blame my illness, but there's no doubt that it has a role in this. I lack a lot of motivation to start things and keeping something going, as well as basic things like maintaining my hygiene.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48390908]Man, you're super helpful. Thank you. I'll do that. I'll try to stop those thoughts from running.[/QUOTE] I don't know the entire situation or what exactly is going on with your wife, and it may be that I'm entirely wrong. But the mindfulness meditation can help- I totally used to think it was some new-age gay hippy bullshit but since I'm becoming that then what the hell it seems to work.

She has a very painful abusive past, pretty much from birth. Ive never abused her in the slightest and yet she directs her anger and frustration onto me. I'm trying to stay strong and pull through. I'm 22 and even taken on the role of step father to her two girls. So I'm surprised I'm still here. So is everyone else

Hey im looking to have a private chat with someone who has an experience with depression, preferably in the UK who has experience with the GP procedure etc. Please give me a PM and hopefully we can have a chat tomorrow.

I strapped the belt around the curtain pole and checked the drop to be okay. I'm still trying to get help because that's the only thing I feel like I can resort to before attempting to hang myself. I have no idea who I can call; my parents are nowhere near me, my friends probably aren't very trustworthy and I'm scared of what might happen afterwards if I call emergency services.

Call someone. Anyone. Even emergency services. It's worth it

Question, does anyone ever get this shouting/buzzing feeling in their head and they absolutely can't do anything because it all feels too much. I get these at random and when I feel a negative emotion. This can be from anxiety up to losing in a silly game. I'll be going to a facility that helps people like me, I am just curious how common this problem is. I have been able to ''beat'' it though, by simply forcing myself to do something.

I've been on a rollercoaster of anxiety.. fears, hopes, dreams, worrying about every small detail in my life. I feel like it gets really bad.. but I come onto here to see things much worse than what I'm dealing with.. and actual attempts of suicide.. and although it reminds me that I'm not the only one who has these issues, I feel the deepest guilt for not trying to help anyone. It isn't fair... for anyone. I don't know how to help though. It seems like trying to help a sailboat by dropping an anchor. [QUOTE=ilmon3y;48394403]I strapped the belt around the curtain pole and checked the drop to be okay. I'm still trying to get help because that's the only thing I feel like I can resort to before attempting to hang myself. I have no idea who I can call; my parents are nowhere near me, my friends probably aren't very trustworthy and I'm scared of what might happen afterwards if I call emergency services.[/QUOTE] I hope you are still there friend. I'm sorry you feel so helpless, but there's a better way to handle things. Life is what you make it.

Suicide isn't an answer. I can't say it enough, guys. If you feel suicidal, just remember how much of life you haven't even felt yet. Imagine the people who care, even if it may not seem like anyone does. It saddens me when someone who's so young will ruin their future. Please, lock it in your head that it isn't the answer.

[QUOTE=robo126;48396384]i'm always pissed in my mind and i can't find a way to let some steam off, i just keep sitting in my room and bottling it in i can't help but feel that i'm being ignored but i don't want to come out as an attention whore, and i can't even keep basic conversation going i have little memory of the past few weeks because i've done fucking nothing worth mentioning, every day was mostly the same i feel exhausted all the time, i'm just tired of everything and i can't find anything that interests me, not even video games can distract me anymore i want to scream, my throat hurts i can't imagine myself having a future at all with the way i am right now i just start to feel like shit out of nowhere every fucking night i just wish i had someone to comfort me i'm sorry if my post is incoherent but there's so much on my mind that i can't find a way to express myself right[/QUOTE]Everything you're saying sounds exactly like me right now. If you want to talk I'd be happy to.

I can't remember the last time I went to sleep without thinking 'I hope I don't wakeup tomorrow' lmao

so i ended up coming up with a theory about how to graph infinite numbers of universes by their traits in a manner that makes sense to the human mind. i ended up realizing that there's still a part of my sister that i love. i can't forget about that. i can't let that go.

From STGYM [QUOTE]I hate how deeply I've covered myself in metaphorical shit in the last school year. Lost all but one of my handful of friends, got heartbroken, used to hell and back, completely fucked up my eating and sleeping schedules, done absolutely nothing that I had planned, made my parents hate me several times, lost myself to unworthy relationships and harmed myself after losing my mind a handful of times. I've wanted to kill myself a bunch of times before, but hesitated each time. I am completely lost, lonely and useless.[/QUOTE]

It's really hard to get out of bed these days. I go to sleep feeling dread for the next day. I wake up feeling dread for what's to com. I just can't take Taking care of someone else's kids. Taking on this role ruined my life. I can't be a fun having young guy who is fully enjoying his relationship with his wife. Instead, we're both relegated to be tired 24/7. Forever servants of kids I don't even want. We never even got a chance to have a relationship before being suffocated by children.

The main thing that makes me depressed is hairloss. I'm 27 now and when I'm 30 I'll look like someone's dad. I find this horrifying and I don't see the positive. Sort of seems like life is really gonna suck when that happens.

One thing that helped me get through my anxious times and depression from my sister passing was music. I know probably not a lot of people like screaming vocals, but I think it's an acquired taste. The Amity Affliction has some really meaningful lyrics and melodies that might connect with some of you. They are mostly atheistic, but if you are religious you can still extract some good from their songs. I recommend giving a listen. The band members lost many of their friends and family to suicide.. and that's a lot of what they write about. [video=youtube;g2BI3Fww1vA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_LwZ8YBhWw[/video] Another of my favorite songs by them is Anchors.

[QUOTE=ReapDaWrapper;48414806]One thing that helped me get through my anxious times and depression from my sister passing was music. I know probably not a lot of people like screaming vocals, but I think it's an acquired taste. The Amity Affliction has some really meaningful lyrics and melodies that might connect with some of you. They are mostly atheistic, but if you are religious you can still extract some good from their songs. I recommend giving a listen. The band members lost many of their friends and family to suicide.. and that's a lot of what they write about. [video=youtube;g2BI3Fww1vA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_LwZ8YBhWw[/video] Another of my favorite songs by them is Anchors.[/QUOTE] This is literally my favorite band in existence. Metalcore really helped me through my loneliness and pits of hopelessness. This band especially. I've listened to their entire discography many times over. You may think it's edgy teen tumblr music, but there's more to it. Just listen to the lyrics and you'll see. If you like more of this type of stuff, check out older Vanna. "Curses" is the album.

The feeling of not being able to amount to shit anymore fking sucks and the constant display of my family not giving a fuck about me doesn't help

[QUOTE=BigBadWilly;48414979]The feeling of not being able to amount to shit anymore fking sucks and the constant display of my family not giving a fuck about me doesn't help[/QUOTE] Just hang in there. If you can continue to stay strong even when your family doesn't support you, you'll be a successful and even stronger person because of it.

[QUOTE=ReapDaWrapper;48415018]Just hang in there. If you can continue to stay strong even when your family doesn't support you, you'll be a successful and even stronger person because of it.[/QUOTE] I've been doing that for years now, I'm just hoping I can find the motivation to continue computer modeling and go to college for it. I'm the first kid in my family out of my 2 sisters to graduate highschool and 1 is 19 with a baby and the other is 23 and still lives at home and doesn't pay rent and is a constant bitch

[QUOTE=BigBadWilly;48415081]I've been doing that for years now, I'm just hoping I can find the motivation to continue computer modeling and go to college for it. I'm the first kid in my family out of my 2 sisters to graduate highschool and 1 is 19 with a baby and the other is 23 and still lives at home and doesn't pay rent and is a constant bitch[/QUOTE] You're already a mile ahead of them then. Do whatever you can to get out of there and on your own, keep practicing modelling, (probably spend the 100k+ on college), and pursue your passion. You only live once, as cliche as it sounds (unless you believe in reincarnation of course). You might as well spend it doing something you love.

[QUOTE=ReapDaWrapper;48415168]You're already a mile ahead of them then. Do whatever you can to get out of there and on your own, keep practicing modelling, (probably spend the 100k+ on college), and pursue your passion. You only live once, as cliche as it sounds (unless you believe in reincarnation of course). You might as well spend it doing something you love.[/QUOTE] Truly I hope to be able to do modeling I just got to do some researching and find out where I can go around here for computer modeling, Ik I can go to this one college in town for Computer programming (Programming is my last resort) Motivation is my main problem for learning and practicing right now and I've lost quite a bit of it with the amount people put me down with what I've done Coding/Modeling wise

i initiated a conversation with my sister today. we had a heart-to-heart, it might get better some day.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;48413211]The main thing that makes me depressed is hairloss. I'm 27 now and when I'm 30 I'll look like someone's dad. I find this horrifying and I don't see the positive. Sort of seems like life is really gonna suck when that happens.[/QUOTE] Shave it all off! You might not like it at first, but you also might find that you do like it eventually! Plus, you'll never again have to worry about looking bald. I know this dude that started balding super young. Now he just shaves his head. And the guy looks beast. (it helps that he's almost 7' tall and kinda buff. But still.) Give it a shot.