Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

The thing about doing literally anything that requires skill is that when you look and compare yourself to someone else trying to do the same thing, it's almost always gonna feel like you're not on the same level. Mostly because you're only seeing what that person has slaved over and thought was good enough to put out into the world. You don't see all the mistakes and the bullshit they had to scrap before actually finding something presentable. What I do with my art is I keep all my old stuff so I can make a comparison from "then" to "now" rather than looking at other art and being like "damn, I'm still not THERE yet". [URL="http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1446278&p=48054203#post48054203"]I did one not too long ago actually.[/URL] It's just a matter of keeping focused on your own personal development rather than sitting there and wondering when you're ever gonna become Monet.

It's been 5 days since my dad died. I'm handling it way better than I expected. I've cried, I've wept, I've mourned. But he's gone, and although he was a guiding light in my life, he would hate to see me get lost just because he's gone so as hurt, and as sad as I really do feel, I've resolved myself to do what he would have wanted me to do here in the wake of his passing. My dad was an incredible person. I'm sure everyone says that about their dad, and I'm sure everyones right, but my dad was a lot more than just MY dad, you know? He was a father to the community as a whole. My dad worked, and for many years, ran the local Rotary chapter here. The last 4 years or so, he's been running an enormous charity event known as the Duck Race which helps feed and clothe and house the poorest in our town and helps improve the general welfare of the community by bringing everyone together. He founded the Hospice society in our area as well and ran as it's president for many, many years. He was a lawyer, and a brilliant one at that, but he was never in it for the money. He did it to help people. He stopped being a criminal lawyer in the 80's at some point, after a fairly infamous case I won't mention, and became a civil litigator. He did that to help people. He helped people out of abusive marriages, he helped people deal with spouses who had utterly fucked them in their wills, he helped families deal with schisms created by money or legal issues. I mean the list goes on, but he never did it to profit from it. I always thought that was true as a kid, but now that we've actually gone through his firms books to figure out our next steps, yeah, he was never in this for the money. He helped people. We started to go through my dads library today. That was hard, not crying and balling hard, but hard because this is what's really left of him in a lot of ways. This is what we can remember him by and this is what he left me and my brothers. I've found a book from his highschool, which would put the book being from sometime around 1956, it was his english literature book, it's got notes scribbled all through out it in his childhood handwriting. It's crazy to see. We also found "Winnie the Pooh" in latin. In fucking latin! How weird. I was heart broken, and shattered days ago, and I know I will be again in the days that follow, I know this is a cycle, but somehow, losing my dad has hardened me to what used to be more emotion or feelings than I could deal with. Something about this painful loss has taught me how to better manage my pain. I expected this to do the exact opposite to me.

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;48450947]It's been 5 days since my dad died. :words:[/QUOTE] I know it's very cliche'd to say this, but just from reading that alone, it does make your Dad sound like he really was one great person. The world doesn't have that many people nowadays (or at least to me it feels like that at the moment) who do things for the common good because they want to genuinely do good, rather than just being out for themselves, or doing it because it makes them look like respectable people. It sounds insignificant coming from myself, but I do appreciate reading what you've posted, as it does make me feel slightly better knowing that there's been good people doing good in the world.

I know how you feel, I lost my dad a couple of months ago, stay strong and it sounds like he was a great person. I'm glad you feel inspired by how he lived!

[QUOTE=Alex Rider;48451116]I know it's very cliche'd to say this, but just from reading that alone, it does make your Dad sound like he really was one great person. The world doesn't have that many people nowadays (or at least to me it feels like that at the moment) who do things for the common good because they want to genuinely do good, rather than just being out for themselves, or doing it because it makes them look like respectable people. It sounds insignificant coming from myself, but I do appreciate reading what you've posted, as it does make me feel slightly better knowing that there's been good people doing good in the world.[/QUOTE] Thanks, it's not insignificant at all. Every little outpouring of support has been wonderful to hear and have over the last 5 days.

So somebody I knew (barely but still) did suicide. He was apparently depressed and had problems with drugs. But he seemed happy and just came from the vacation. Why? It's like he was wearing mask all the time.

[QUOTE=Fourier;48451805]So somebody I knew (barely but still) did suicide. He was apparently depressed and had problems with drugs. But he seemed happy and just came from the vacation. Why? It's like he was wearing mask all the time.[/QUOTE] We all wear a mask, how much you reveal is up to you

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;48450947]It's been 5 days since my dad died. I'm handling it way better than I expected. I've cried, I've wept, I've mourned. But he's gone, and although he was a guiding light in my life, he would hate to see me get lost just because he's gone so as hurt, and as sad as I really do feel, I've resolved myself to do what he would have wanted me to do here in the wake of his passing. My dad was an incredible person. I'm sure everyone says that about their dad, and I'm sure everyones right, but my dad was a lot more than just MY dad, you know? He was a father to the community as a whole. My dad worked, and for many years, ran the local Rotary chapter here. The last 4 years or so, he's been running an enormous charity event known as the Duck Race which helps feed and clothe and house the poorest in our town and helps improve the general welfare of the community by bringing everyone together. He founded the Hospice society in our area as well and ran as it's president for many, many years. He was a lawyer, and a brilliant one at that, but he was never in it for the money. He did it to help people. He stopped being a criminal lawyer in the 80's at some point, after a fairly infamous case I won't mention, and became a civil litigator. He did that to help people. He helped people out of abusive marriages, he helped people deal with spouses who had utterly fucked them in their wills, he helped families deal with schisms created by money or legal issues. I mean the list goes on, but he never did it to profit from it. I always thought that was true as a kid, but now that we've actually gone through his firms books to figure out our next steps, yeah, he was never in this for the money. He helped people. We started to go through my dads library today. That was hard, not crying and balling hard, but hard because this is what's really left of him in a lot of ways. This is what we can remember him by and this is what he left me and my brothers. I've found a book from his highschool, which would put the book being from sometime around 1956, it was his english literature book, it's got notes scribbled all through out it in his childhood handwriting. It's crazy to see. We also found "Winnie the Pooh" in latin. In fucking latin! How weird. I was heart broken, and shattered days ago, and I know I will be again in the days that follow, I know this is a cycle, but somehow, losing my dad has hardened me to what used to be more emotion or feelings than I could deal with. Something about this painful loss has taught me how to better manage my pain. I expected this to do the exact opposite to me.[/QUOTE] Sometimes it feels like life is there just to play with us like a rollercoaster. But, hang on buddy. Don't hold the tears, just let them out. Tears are pain escaping the body.

[QUOTE=Fourier;48451805]So somebody I knew (barely but still) did suicide. He was apparently depressed and had problems with drugs. But he seemed happy and just came from the vacation. Why? It's like he was wearing mask all the time.[/QUOTE] Thats an evil of depression and similar things. You hide it because talking about it can go so many ways, and not a lot of them are good. Unwarranted spite ("Just get over it"), pressure to seek help rather than ease into it, awkwardness about discussing it in general since not a lot of people know how to actually go about talking about it...the list goes on. I do not claim to know what he was thinking or going through at the time nor do I claim to know how it could have been prevented. Sometimes all it takes is the perfect storm of shitty events. I and plenty others are guilty of wearing the mask. That said, sorry about your loss. I hope things go well in the future :c /hug <3

[QUOTE=greendevil;48441771]anyone have any advice on how to get out of your own head? I feel like i could enjoy life a lot more if I wasn't constantly asking myself if i'm really happy, what makes me really happy, whether I'll ever experience [I]true[/I] happiness, whether i already have and just missed it, if i've already peaked, maybe this is as good as it gets, etc etc. related note, i used to be able to smoke a bowl and just feel like everything was all right and just enjoy it. now, whenever i smoke i get wayyyy too in my head about it, analyzing how much fun i'm having etc. to the point where it's not even enjoyable which sucks. a lot of the things i was passionate about in high school (biking, cars, traveling, even weed) just don't impress me like they used to. am i just changing? maybe i should just move on? or am i just overthinking it? i feel stuck overanalyzing myself.[/QUOTE] I was/am the exact same way. The instant I graduated high school, I started overthinking everything and basically had an identity crisis, with symptoms just like you're describing. I'm just now getting over like two years of overthinking everything, and now I can enjoy weed again without being anxious as all get out. [url]http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=72593[/url] Reading through that whole thread, and reading books on spirituality, life, happiness, etc. have really helped me. Any concerns you have in life have already been written about in a book. Message me or whatever if you ever wanna talk, I kinda feel like I'm just starting to figure this shit out.

I'm remembering what I did to lose my friend, and now I just want to harm myself.

Back to a counsellor I go, just need to wait 1-2 weeks to hear back from them. Need to get a GP in the mean time. Had a great hour long nap after slamming a bunch of coffee as well. Things do get better just don't give up hope.

Fuck, this shit is ruining my life I have no ambition, no inspiration, nothing gets me excited anymore. Nothing is fun. I have no interests. I fill every day with pointless distractions like video games just so I don't remember who I am, because as soon as I do my mind feels like it's being smothered and I want to just violently fucking murder myself. I spend all day on the computer, constantly filling myself with shallow amusement because any tiny opportunity to introspect I get is really dangerous. Everything that used to keep me going just fills me with anxiety. I don't talk to anyone. With the exception of one, I haven't spoken to any of my friends in like three months and they haven't seemed to notice. I'm not eating anything, every time I try I just feel violently sick so I've been basically eating a small breakfast and that's it every day for a couple of months. I physically can't eat more. I basically can't function in real life at all, I can't speak to anyone without shaking super noticeably and if I do speak I say something fucking retarded because I don't fucking think before opening my mouth. Like, killing myself is starting to sound like the most viable practical option, even when I'm not feeling suicidal, just because if this doesn't somehow fucking magically stop happening then I am going to be literally useless in real life. I can't fucking buy things from a store. The times I actually try, I fuck the transaction up horribly or say something retarded. I know I need to get help but I just can't, I've tried, something in me just blocks it. I just can't muster up the willpower to do anything that would make me feel better. Fuck, even writing this is making me feel way worse. I'm so fucking lonely. I have one friend and they're moving away forever in four days.

I know it's not Right or mature, but sometimes I just want to repeat my wife's stupid behavior back at Her. Such as tonight, we got Really late start on making dinner (of which I ALWAYS help or do entirely if I didn't work too much that day) so I go into our room and mention how we should start on dinner. She's just watching make up tutorials on YouTube. And she gets all upset at me feeling like "I forced her" because "right now I just don't want to do anything *waaaa waaaa*" (*emphasis mine) So I want to do that crap Right back! When the next radiator blows and we need the car to go grocery shopping maybe I'll sit around for 3 days and say "Meh, don't really feel like it" or maybe when I'm scheduled to clean the living room up I'll just sit there and say "eh, don't really feel like doing anything today. Haha dealwithit. I'm going to shirk my responsibility as a spouse and a parent jus cuz I feel like it. Get over it. " [editline]13th August 2015[/editline] For clarification, this isn't a One time thing. She does it this crap ALL THE TIME.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48453949]Fuck, this shit is ruining my life I have no ambition, no inspiration, nothing gets me excited anymore. Nothing is fun. I have no interests. I fill every day with pointless distractions like video games just so I don't remember who I am, because as soon as I do my mind feels like it's being smothered and I want to just violently fucking murder myself. I spend all day on the computer, constantly filling myself with shallow amusement because any tiny opportunity to introspect I get is really dangerous. Everything that used to keep me going just fills me with anxiety. I don't talk to anyone. With the exception of one, I haven't spoken to any of my friends in like three months and they haven't seemed to notice. I'm not eating anything, every time I try I just feel violently sick so I've been basically eating a small breakfast and that's it every day for a couple of months. I physically can't eat more. I basically can't function in real life at all, I can't speak to anyone without shaking super noticeably and if I do speak I say something fucking retarded because I don't fucking think before opening my mouth. Like, killing myself is starting to sound like the most viable practical option, even when I'm not feeling suicidal, just because if this doesn't somehow fucking magically stop happening then I am going to be literally useless in real life. I can't fucking buy things from a store. The times I actually try, I fuck the transaction up horribly or say something retarded. I know I need to get help but I just can't, I've tried, something in me just blocks it. I just can't muster up the willpower to do anything that would make me feel better. Fuck, even writing this is making me feel way worse. I'm so fucking lonely. I have one friend and they're moving away forever in four days.[/QUOTE] I know how you feel. I haven't talked to most of my friends in a while and none of them even seem to be even slightly bothered by this. I even live with my best friend we haven't even hung out at all in over a month or had much to do with each other because he just locks himself in his room with his girlfriend.

Fuck I want to kill myself really bad right now. Fuck this is scary. I know I need help but I know there's no way I'll ever get it unless someone actually forces me, and that doesn't seem likely at fucking all because the people who know how I am don't give a shit and the people who care about me don't know. [editline]13th August 2015[/editline] I haven't eaten anything today

Well my wife said she wants to separate. She thinks it'll help us. But doesn't realize that our relationship won't get fixed until she fixes all of her issues. So much for a good weekend. I planned a retreat in the mountains for just me and her.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48456882]Well my wife said she wants to separate. She thinks it'll help us. But doesn't realize that our relationship won't get fixed until she fixes all of her issues. So much for a good weekend. I planned a retreat in the mountains for just me and her.[/QUOTE] That sucks so hard man, I'm so sorry, I hope things work out in the end damn

an old friend of mine contacted me, asked if I had signed up for school this next semester, dropped out a few years ago. unfortunately I haven't, but she sending a message has given me this surge of motivation to get better! its so easy to neglect myself when I'm only surrounded by family, but now that I know my old friends sort of miss me (I assume so as they contacted me), it's not as easy to neglect myself. I don't want to be seen as lazy or anything similar to that. I'll start biking back and forth to the nearby town, which is 14.8 km both ways everyday. that's my goal at least, and I'll start after I've posted this! once I get some money, I'll invest in a heartbeat monitor or whatever they're called to monitor how many calories I've burnt. I need to stop coming with excuses regarding my health as gotta be honest, my weight is probably my biggest concern. it's been there all my life, its time to make a change. also it's noticeable I've gained weight. I haven't worn my jeans in about 2 months now, and damn they were hard to get on now :v:

It doesn't seem like there are any psychiatry facilities in my area anyway. Neat.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48457418]That sucks so hard man, I'm so sorry, I hope things work out in the end damn[/QUOTE] Thanks. I've lost all hope [editline]14th August 2015[/editline] I really like that one saying "When you're wearing rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags "

My wife's appointment with the psychiatrist has been scheduled...... A MONTH AWAY. I sympathize with your pain.

Am I the only one that really likes the feeling like getting stabbed in the stomach? :disgust: It makes me fucking hungry. I think I need my benzos back.

[QUOTE=PredGD;48457707]an old friend of mine contacted me, asked if I had signed up for school this next semester, dropped out a few years ago. unfortunately I haven't, but she sending a message has given me this surge of motivation to get better! its so easy to neglect myself when I'm only surrounded by family, but now that I know my old friends sort of miss me (I assume so as they contacted me), it's not as easy to neglect myself. I don't want to be seen as lazy or anything similar to that. I'll start biking back and forth to the nearby town, which is 14.8 km both ways everyday. that's my goal at least, and I'll start after I've posted this! once I get some money, I'll invest in a heartbeat monitor or whatever they're called to monitor how many calories I've burnt. I need to stop coming with excuses regarding my health as gotta be honest, my weight is probably my biggest concern. it's been there all my life, its time to make a change. also it's noticeable I've gained weight. I haven't worn my jeans in about 2 months now, and damn they were hard to get on now :v:[/QUOTE] Get a Fitbit! That stuff is pretty easy to get into. Also take long walks - it burns quite a few calories and gives you time to think or listen to podcasts.

I have a radio show if you want something to listen to! Haha but I also have 2 good suggestions for podcasts if you want some ideas

What really keeps me sane is having something forward to look forward to. When you live in anticipation for something awesome, you're usually happier. I've heard it before, but a quick google search brought me to this [url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-happiness-project/201102/get-more-bang-your-happiness-buck-revel-in-anticipation]article from Psychology Today[/url]. Every week, I look forward to [url=http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/]The Biggest Problem in the Universe[/url]. I also look forward to my projects. Long-term, I look forward to traveling and better health. It's not the ultimate fix if you're feeling down, however it's something that helps and can really motivate you. Another thing to occupy your mind is to think about devoting yourself to health. It's a struggle and occupies a lot of your time, but that's the point. It fills in the blank spaces of your life and gives you a lot to think about. It's a straight train of thought to hold yourself to.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48457945]It doesn't seem like there are any psychiatry facilities in my area anyway. Neat.[/QUOTE] My sympathies go out to you. It sucks that psychiatric healthcare seems so neglected in America.

exercise done! took me nearly 3 hours to bike 14.8 km. feeling really depleted now, happy that I managed to complete it. I tried to get off my bike the least I could, but had to get off and walk at some sections but I'll allow that as its my first time. not feeling motivated for another trip tomorrow, but I'll try to force myself. it'll only get better the more I do it! [QUOTE=wauterboi;48458468]Get a Fitbit! That stuff is pretty easy to get into. Also take long walks - it burns quite a few calories and gives you time to think or listen to podcasts.[/QUOTE] I checked out Fitbit and found three different models. the Charge, Charge HR and the Surge. any idea what the difference is between the three? pretty big price gap between Charge HR and the Surge

Yeah - so my options are basically kill myself or spend every day wanting to. I can't deal with this.

You have more options. Things can always change. But killing yourself is guaranteeing that you'll never have a happy Day again.