Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I feel like I have mainly bad options in prospect. I'm enjoying my schooling, but it just is so mentally draining for me. Had to turn down going to an airsoft game which would have been over the entire weekend, because it was just too stressful when bundled together with everything else. Had to choose between my well-being and my friends convenience. Every choice feels like it's a conflict between my own well-being and the convenience of others. And I feel like I have to reach out and inconvenience someone by reaching out. To gain some footing for my struggles, instead of wading alone.

Reaching out won't be an inconvenience. Especially to friends and family. Just do one thing, CONSIDER THEIR ADVICE. You'll only be a burden if you ask for help and ignore the open hand.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48496018]Reaching out won't be an inconvenience. Especially to friends and family. Just do one thing, CONSIDER THEIR ADVICE. You'll only be a burden if you ask for help and ignore the open hand.[/QUOTE] I know. I just have this innate fear of not having my word taken at face value. My best friend's are half-ways across the country. My first mate said that I can call him anytime, but then again. Calls can only do so much. Not to mention that in a few weeks he's going on a five week trip with his school. But I've thought pretty much the basis for what to say to whomever I reach out to: I'm trying my best, but I can't manage it alone all the time. I need some footing not to sink up to my chest every time I take a miss-step. And I need some outside reflection for when my self-image gets distorted. That said; I'm most likely very probably not going to reach out to my family. The most arguably helpful thing said has come from my mother; suggesting if should give medication a go. The other stuff I've heard are straight out from what you get when you google: "What not to say to a depressed person". I guess I have a reason to fear where that fear of not having my word taken seriously has came from. It seems to have been entirely forgotten in this household that I came out regarding my depression. Just like up until March this year, when my self-harm and alcoholism was completely invisible. Despite me failing to cover up a few times.

Call your mate! Just talking about it can help. Do it, it'll be worth it.

So a couple of months ago I decided to scout for game devs to find indie games in the making and sent mails to a few devs, one of the devs replied and said he'd really appreciate if I could make some music for his super casual puzzle game, and for a while I never really got anywhere with it, but he said that the game would be done tomorrow and so I managed to take some tracks I had already started on and finished four tracks that I'm quite proud of in four hours and sent them to him and he replied with a super nice, grateful mail and it feels pretty good having had the opportunity to not only practice my skills and possibly get a tiny bit of recognition but also having helped a small random super nice developer and been able to surprise him by reaching out and delivering to improve the quality (hopefully by a lot) of his own personal project that will make it mean more to him than had I not been there. I also learned that I can organize myself and make music if I have a motivation, something that I have had doubts about for a long time.

I relapsed and self harmed tonight. I can't stop thinking about suicide recently, I'm scared - I want to talk to my friend but they have their own issues right now and I would just make things worse for them I feel so alone and depressed every night now, I'm back at the lowest stage of my depression. I don't want to go through this again

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48497633]So a couple of months ago I decided to scout for game devs to find indie games in the making and sent mails to a few devs, one of the devs replied and said he'd really appreciate if I could make some music for his super casual puzzle game, and for a while I never really got anywhere with it, but he said that the game would be done tomorrow and so I managed to take some tracks I had already started on and finished four tracks that I'm quite proud of in four hours and sent them to him and he replied with a super nice, grateful mail and it feels pretty good having had the opportunity to not only practice my skills and possibly get a tiny bit of recognition but also having helped a small random super nice developer and been able to surprise him by reaching out and delivering to improve the quality (hopefully by a lot) of his own personal project that will make it mean more to him than had I not been there. I also learned that I can organize myself and make music if I have a motivation, something that I have had doubts about for a long time.[/QUOTE] Get a portfolio set up with a track, have that developer write you a letter of recommendation or hell, have him/her as a referral. It could help if you maintain some form of correspondence with that developer so you guys could continue to cooperate in any future projects. You've most likely planted a seed that could grow in a pleasant network, especially if that developer knows others that are in need someone that could use you to provide audio for other projects.

[QUOTE=CabooseRvB;48497928]Get a portfolio set up with a track, have that developer write you a letter of recommendation or hell, have him/her as a referral. It could help if you maintain some form of correspondence with that developer so you guys could continue to cooperate in any future projects. You've most likely planted a seed that could grow in a pleasant network, especially if that developer knows others that are in need someone that could use you to provide audio for other projects.[/QUOTE] Thats what I'm about to find out yeah. I'm gonna talk to him more, see what he's got going and where it could take me. But really shouldn't think too big yet, it's a super small game that probably won't be very popular but its a small step.

I'm looking for a musician for my podcast serial drama..... If you're looking to get out there more.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48498085]I'm looking for a musician for my podcast serial drama..... If you're looking to get out there more.[/QUOTE] This depends, what is it about and what sort of music would you be looking for?

I will message you mister Jazzy.

The only happiness I ever feel is miniscule and I know to be fake. I just.. I barely even feel anything anymore. I think I've surpassed depression and ascended to... I dunno. Merely existing and observing. Though, again for the new page: if anyone ever needs someone to talk to please message one of us on here. My Steam is attached and there are plenty of others I know for a fact are willing to listen and try to help so yeah. :o [editline]19th August 2015[/editline] srsly please gather the strength or swallow the pride or whatever you must do to reach out to help. Let us at least try to help you because you never know

This isn't so much but; does anyone have any methods for coping with difficult tasks?

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48497633]So a couple of months ago I decided to scout for game devs to find indie games in the making and sent mails to a few devs, one of the devs replied and said he'd really appreciate if I could make some music for his super casual puzzle game, and for a while I never really got anywhere with it, but he said that the game would be done tomorrow and so I managed to take some tracks I had already started on and finished four tracks that I'm quite proud of in four hours and sent them to him and he replied with a super nice, grateful mail and it feels pretty good having had the opportunity to not only practice my skills and possibly get a tiny bit of recognition but also having helped a small random super nice developer and been able to surprise him by reaching out and delivering to improve the quality (hopefully by a lot) of his own personal project that will make it mean more to him than had I not been there. I also learned that I can organize myself and make music if I have a motivation, something that I have had doubts about for a long time.[/QUOTE] Very good to hear this I find holding yourself accountable to someone else is a great way to get productive. Especially if its doing nice things for nice reasons for nice people.

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48496309]I know. I just have this innate fear of not having my word taken at face value. My best friend's are half-ways across the country. My first mate said that I can call him anytime, but then again. Calls can only do so much. Not to mention that in a few weeks he's going on a five week trip with his school. But I've thought pretty much the basis for what to say to whomever I reach out to: I'm trying my best, but I can't manage it alone all the time. I need some footing not to sink up to my chest every time I take a miss-step. And I need some outside reflection for when my self-image gets distorted. That said; I'm most likely very probably not going to reach out to my family. The most arguably helpful thing said has come from my mother; suggesting if should give medication a go. The other stuff I've heard are straight out from what you get when you google: "What not to say to a depressed person". I guess I have a reason to fear where that fear of not having my word taken seriously has came from. It seems to have been entirely forgotten in this household that I came out regarding my depression. Just like up until March this year, when my self-harm and alcoholism was completely invisible. Despite me failing to cover up a few times.[/QUOTE] You can test here, too, if your point of view is distorted or not :downs:

was just driven home by one of my contacts at the ward I currently go to and spoke about the new ward with him. makes me wish I was at the ward I currently go to more than I was, I almost teared up when he started talking about how he'd miss me and that he was happy he got to know me. I imagine this'll be a tough process to leave the ward, I'm really gonna miss them

Welp, ive pretty much given up on my marriage. My wife will never be happy and will always choose to be angry. If someone can have a weekend like we did at the cabin and then come back and be soulless and angry and loveless, they're hopeless. There's nothing more I can do

I've been invited out in the city this weekend and I'm struggling to say yes. I've been going through a lot of anxiety lately and I'm having trouble forcing myself out of my comfort zone. Will be a couple of good friends, a few acquaintances, and a lot of people I don't know. I'll be catching public transport by myself, staying in an unfamiliar place, and left to get home on my own as well. Wouldn't think it would be a huge deal for an adult, but for me, these are things I tend to avoid. I fear that once I get there and get out, I'll retreat into my anxious shell as I've known myself to do, and basically ride it out - not enjoying myself and bringing other people down, too. I don't want to do this. Can anyone offer some advice or encouragement? I want to be able to put myself in the right frame of mind to be able to enjoy my life again.

I have pretty big trust issues with girls, sucks.

There's nothing to be afraid of! You can have fun if you choose to have fun. You're the only one stopping you. No one is judging you or critiquing you. You can do it

[QUOTE=Jebus;48501182]I've been invited out in the city this weekend and I'm struggling to say yes. I've been going through a lot of anxiety lately and I'm having trouble forcing myself out of my comfort zone. Will be a couple of good friends, a few acquaintances, and a lot of people I don't know. I'll be catching public transport by myself, staying in an unfamiliar place, and left to get home on my own as well. Wouldn't think it would be a huge deal for an adult, but for me, these are things I tend to avoid. I fear that once I get there and get out, I'll retreat into my anxious shell as I've known myself to do, and basically ride it out - not enjoying myself and bringing other people down, too. I don't want to do this. Can anyone offer some advice or encouragement? I want to be able to put myself in the right frame of mind to be able to enjoy my life again.[/QUOTE] usually the hardest part is to get the ball rolling, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself if you decide to do it! might be a little hard, but try not to think too much. it has helped me a ton that I've stopped thinking about stuff in advance and just deal with stuff as it happens. prevents you from over thinking the situation and getting anxious

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48501029]Welp, ive pretty much given up on my marriage. My wife will [B]never be happy [/B]and will [B]always choose to be angry[/B]. If someone can have a weekend like we did at the cabin and then come back and be soulless and angry and loveless, they're hopeless. There's nothing more I can do[/QUOTE] Those are some pretty extreme statements.

[QUOTE=Jame's;48501286]I have pretty big trust issues with girls, sucks.[/QUOTE] I can understand that. While it's not fair to paint all of them the same color, it's safer and easier than to experience another stab in the chest. [QUOTE=D0C H.;48501029]Welp, ive pretty much given up on my marriage. My wife will never be happy and will always choose to be angry. If someone can have a weekend like we did at the cabin and then come back and be soulless and angry and loveless, they're hopeless. There's nothing more I can do[/QUOTE] That's because of environment stimulus. Someplace new can elicit different behaviors, but at home she knows where she's at, and if its home where she's angry the most, that'll be the default expression she'll go to, a heuristic. Not sure if you said this or not, but have you tried couples/marriage counseling? I'm not going advise it if both parties are not interested or are final in their decision, merely curious.

Never might be a strong statement, but from seeing the patterns of her behavior, I don't see any change in the foreseeable future. Maybe, but what type of person can't take charge of their own happiness? Yes, being at home might suck more than a cabin in the woods. But if you don't like something FREAKING CHANGE IT. Don't mope around and make life miserable for everyone around you. Don't freaking throw away a marriage over it. Don't mistreat your spouse [editline]20th August 2015[/editline] Why spend hours and hours developing systems to get control over our kids and ways to handle stress. Ways to stay calm and personalized behavioral management systems, to just throw them allllll out of the window when you get to THE PLACE they were designed for?! Why even give me a false sense of Hope? I was stupid enough to believe she would change. AGAIN.

Didn't even get around bringing up hypomania to my psychiatrist today. She got around that topic right before I was going to say it. I've been giving them a really hard time trying to get a diagnosis when my mood is flip-flopping so much :v: And today has clearly been one of those hypomaniac days. The very first sign being that I slept less than five hours and I wasn't feeling tired, quite the contrary.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48498058]Thats what I'm about to find out yeah. I'm gonna talk to him more, see what he's got going and where it could take me. But really shouldn't think too big yet, it's a super small game that probably won't be very popular but its a small step.[/QUOTE] I'm relieved to hear the process went so well for you. And that getting messaged and put under pressure drove you to finish the projects, I feel that would help me as well since we seem to have a number of similarities when it comes to music. I'll probably wait a bit and let my skills improve, but having some work would be niiiice. Also want to get my hands on either a professional sample library, a srs vst, or a workstation keyboard before I try to start doing real stuff. Its a good soundtrack though, I like it!

Thanks guys, I've decided I'm just going to do it. Jumping on the train tomorrow afternoon and going to get lost on the public transport on my own!

Jebus, please don't do it. I have been there. Believe me, life will be better sooner or later. Pm me, if you want to talk to somebody.

[QUOTE=Cha;48507951]Jebus, please don't do it. I have been there. Believe me, life will be better sooner or later. Pm me, if you want to talk to somebody.[/QUOTE] If you were replying to Jebus, I think he meant to say that he's going to use the public transport to meet his friends. I don't think he wanted to kill himself.

[QUOTE=Davidn64;48507957]If you were replying to Jebus, I think he meant to say that he's going to use the public transport to meet his friends. I don't think he wanted to kill himself.[/QUOTE] Thank you very much :cat: correcting me. I'm sorry my mistake. English is not my mother tongue!