Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;40798525]Yeah I given up dating until I am cured of all this bullshit. I am clearly not ready, like you said. I'm also going to see a psychiatrist, but there's a 6 month long waiting list. Worst part about the job thing is that I'm not really motivated to do stuff. I guarantee in two years I will be "cured" of all my issues.[/QUOTE] 6 month wait list? what the fuck? Oh you're in Canada. Thats a little fucked up. If you live near the border, you might want to consider to get a doctor who lives right across the border, and just drive down for your sessions.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;40784503]My name is Matthew, I am 17 years old. No relationship. No job. Depressed because I made a lot of shit decisions in my life, I get upset over the smallest shit, I've made a lot of people dislike me, I'm not the smartest person in the world, I'm not that attractive, I sometimes question my mental health, ect ect.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=JoeyZ;40786119]Not having a job can really take a toll on you, especially if really are trying your best to find one. You really just have to be persistent and take it in stride.. I've applied to countless businesses in my area for about two years, and I only just now got my first interview.. It's all about patience[/QUOTE] Not having a job can take a toll on you. But not having a job while living in one of the hardest paces to find a job, while having a pregnant wife and two little girls depending on you, can really take a toll on you. But no matter who has to go through having trouble finding a job, it can always be harder, and more heart breaking. However, I say this to make it clear that it will work out in the end. There will be a job opening, and you will get it. Maybe it won't be the best job in the world. But you'll get one. I spent 6 years working jobs I almost hated, all the while going to school full time. After putting in those six years, I was blessed with a nice job that I actually enjoy. Point is: your time will come. Just keep looking, but don't stress about it. If you got someplace safe to live, and food to eat, be happy. Be patient. You'll do fine.

I'm starting to take this stuff called St. John's wort, in its pill form. I hear good feedback from it so far, has anyone had any experience with it? Did it help you with your depression?

[QUOTE=CAPT Opp4;40803077]Remember. There are always going to be rough patches. It helps when you distance yourself from the situation, get some time to think it over, and don't dwell on it. It's hard, I know, but I've read several of your posts throughout the forum. You seem like a smart, funny, awesome person from what I've seen. You seem to be thinking too little of yourself. It may not mean much, but the bad things about yourself that you've posted don't seem to reflect on how I've seen you around the forum. While a forum may be different than real life, always remember the good qualities about yourself, and remember that there will always be people who care for you.[/QUOTE] I try not to bitch about myself in other threads. I try to cheer other people up by making jokes so I have an excuse not to think that I'm useless. To be honest I can't really think about anything exceedingly good about me. [QUOTE=ScoutKing;40803248]6 month wait list? what the fuck? Oh you're in Canada. Thats a little fucked up. If you live near the border, you might want to consider to get a doctor who lives right across the border, and just drive down for your sessions.[/QUOTE] Border is a 45 minute drive and my father's work only covers therapy in Canada.

Today I learned the number one reason I am constantly depressed is because I do not belong anywhere. Everyone gets something, like a hobby, passion, talent, etc etc but me. I do literally nothing, and when I try to do something new it usually fails or does not go anywhere. Everything new I've found that makes me happy I've had to give up in a matter of months, therefore it's impossible for me to get anything. It seems that most people are able to use these hobbies/passions/talents/etc etc to make friends with other people, hence the reason I have no friends. What do I do? I want to be happy again but everyhting that makes me happy just seems impossible to get back, and in five years I haven't found anything else that makes me happy,.

[QUOTE=SPESSMEHREN;40809569]Today I learned the number one reason I am constantly depressed is because I do not belong anywhere. Everyone gets something, like a hobby, passion, talent, etc etc but me[/QUOTE] Actually, it might be the other way around. You may not enjoy anything because you're depressed.. Depression can take the passion out of just about anything :/

No, I don't think so. I've never really had anything my whole life; just video games and television, so I started trying to find other things. There's just a very limited number of things that makes me happy... I think the best thing I found was urban exploration; some of the most amazing moments of my life were had in abandoned buildings and tunnels. I went to places with some people I met online but they all moved away. That was... early 2011 I think. I never felt like I belonged so I wasn't ever able to find anyone else to explore with. I really want to do that again. I have this thing where I instantly assume the worst of any possible situation. If you want to see a shining example of that just click on my title. So I assume that if I go to abandoned places alone I'd die/be arrested/get lost and die/get attacked etc, because I dont have any confidence, so going alone is out of the question. I also really want to get into hiking and outdoorsy stuff but assume that I'd probably get lost/die/break my leg in the middle of nowhere and die/am not physically fit enough to/am too dumb to avoid certian things/get lyme disease and die etc etc. Those things DO make me happy, but I can't DO them...

[QUOTE=SPESSMEHREN;40809569]Today I learned the number one reason I am constantly depressed is because I do not belong anywhere. Everyone gets something, like a hobby, passion, talent, etc etc but me. I do literally nothing, and when I try to do something new it usually fails or does not go anywhere. Everything new I've found that makes me happy I've had to give up in a matter of months, therefore it's impossible for me to get anything. It seems that most people are able to use these hobbies/passions/talents/etc etc to make friends with other people, hence the reason I have no friends. What do I do? I want to be happy again but everyhting that makes me happy just seems impossible to get back, and in five years I haven't found anything else that makes me happy,.[/QUOTE] Hell I'm 17 and I just found my talent, which is Helping people. I love how I am a horrible debater, but I can convince people into making the right choice. Plus helping people makes me feel useful. [editline]49[/editline] If you possibly have time, maybe commit a day to trying out new things, things that maybe interest you?

I feel like I post in this thread too much, but it's days between posts so I don't know.. It's been a while since I started trying to change my life. I've lost 60lbs, I'm so close to getting a job (just have to take a drug test now) and I found a girl who loves me even though I don't deserve her.. So when am I supposed to feel happy?

-nevermind-

I'm coming to realize that I'm not actually depressed. I just have problems that I don't deal with, which compound as I ignore them. I'm aware what makes me feel anxious, and that there's no easy way out of it. Counseling may not have hurt, but it's not the solution either. So I told my therapist today that I don't plan to reschedule. I'm also going to contact my psychiatrist and see what the best way to ween off my Prozac and Welbutrin is. I don't need help to make my life less sucky. I now know that life is sucky, too sucky to me, and that my problems are my fault.

[QUOTE=Abrown516;40855634]I'm coming to realize that I'm not actually depressed. I just have problems that I don't deal with, which compound as I ignore them. I'm aware what makes me feel anxious, and that there's no easy way out of it. Counseling may not have hurt, but it's not the solution either. So I told my therapist today that I don't plan to reschedule. I'm also going to contact my psychiatrist and see what the best way to ween off my Prozac and Welbutrin is. I don't need help to make my life less sucky. I now know that life is sucky, too sucky to me, and that my problems are my fault.[/QUOTE] Remember, depression comes in a wide range of forms, contrary to what many think. Even if you don't currently feel sad, that may only be a temporary state of mind, aided with or without medication. And even if you really aren't depressed, cutting off every lifeline to psychiatric help all at once can be a mistake you could regret later. I once did something similar to what you're describing. I felt almost cured of my depression, so I decided to wean off of my medication, drop all of the therapists, and continue with normal life trusting I was ready to handle myself. As it turned out, I was not, and I was quickly back to rock bottom. I'm not saying you can NEVER be rid of depression, only that you should treat the process with care, and try to be gradual with it. If you're absolutely sure, then go ahead. But remember that it can be dangerous to gamble mental health by dropping aid so suddenly.

I don't know if this is the correct thread but anyway.Today has been rough, my brother and i learnt that our mother has a malignant brain tumor and may only have weeks to live. It feels so weird, and it was so quick.

Today depression is hitting me as hard as a train. I don't know what it is, really, but I get a huge rush of lonliness, and I'm not even alone. I think it comes from the fact that I don't have a girlfriend and that shit hurts, bad. I'm at a perfect point in my life to have someone to get to know really well and hang out with, but I'm just letting it pass me by. I've been hanging with my best friend a lot recently. He's got a girlfriend and I see them really happy together, moved out, just recently had a baby, and they're just happy. I'm pretty much the only guy in the group who is alone or has been alone forever. I don't wanna come off as the type "Feel sorry for me and tell me nice things", but I have to share it with someone. I've got a pretty good life, one that lots would like, but I just can't accept it for what it is right now. I'm lucky to have a job, making $10/hr (I'm 19), but that seems like it's all I have right now. My parents have been divorced 12 years, my brother is moving on with his girlfriend, and I'm just the little brother whose got no plans. Fuck. I just need to rant and release some tension. May get back into exercising, maybe that'll help some. I've not got hardcore depression like a lot of people I've seen here on Facepunch, but depression is depression and it's awful.

[QUOTE=CAPT Opp4;40855800]Remember, depression comes in a wide range of forms, contrary to what many think. Even if you don't currently feel sad, that may only be a temporary state of mind, aided with or without medication. And even if you really aren't depressed, cutting off every lifeline to psychiatric help all at once can be a mistake you could regret later. I once did something similar to what you're describing. I felt almost cured of my depression, so I decided to wean off of my medication, drop all of the therapists, and continue with normal life trusting I was ready to handle myself. As it turned out, I was not, and I was quickly back to rock bottom. I'm not saying you can NEVER be rid of depression, only that you should treat the process with care, and try to be gradual with it. If you're absolutely sure, then go ahead. But remember that it can be dangerous to gamble mental health by dropping aid so suddenly.[/QUOTE] No, I know I'm gambling my mental health. But I just need to either not be a piece of shit, or simply suffer the consequences.

Does anyone else just stop and think to yourself and ask why everyone else is so damn happy? I don't get it. I feel like I got the short straw. Anyone have any tips to overcome this?

[QUOTE=KillerSlash;40859953]Does anyone else just stop and think to yourself and ask why everyone else is so damn happy? I don't get it. I feel like I got the short straw. Anyone have any tips to overcome this?[/QUOTE] I agree. I have this one friend who is always so enthusiastic, using exclamation points and stuff in texts and just always seems so upbeat. Then again, he's a junior in college, in the marching band, has a girlfriend, and lives on his own with a job, so he's got a reason to be happy. I read today that we just need to try and live and think in the now, not so much in the future. At least for me, I feel like I'm going nowhere and don't stand a chance, it's a confidence problem, but if I just focus on life one day at a time, I seem to do alright.

Guys, I think I hit rock bottom again this week. For the past few nights, all I've been able to do is pace around in my room fiddle with things in my hand, just to stop myself from breaking down. I'm getting the feeling again that every time I get something good in my life, it's just going to be violently ripped away from me, causing me to descend in endless grief again. There have been points in the past that I've held a knife to my throat and told myself that If I ended it, there wouldn't be anything to grieve about anymore. It's been two years since that period, and I've always told myself I made the right choice by getting help, getting hope. But now, I'm starting to wonder if it was a mistake. If maybe...I should've taken the way out when I had it. I just can't stop remembering every mistake I've made, and that every minute I live is just going to be a painful repeat of it.

Want to kill myself. I'm also having homicidal thoughts. I hate myself.

Nothing like a thread about depression, nothing like knowing you're not alone even though that doesn't help one bit, getting advice that won't work and you won't even try, hearing about other peoples misery helping you remember yours more and embrace how it feels freshly intensified. fyi TL DR at the bottom Anyway I'm Sebastian, and I had this nick for about 13 years so you can get the feeling for how long I've felt 'different' (I'm 26 btw). I've got affective bi-polar disorder which maybe isn't as bad as long-lasting, full on depression since I get to experience the opposite brain chemical reactions and thus, "the highs", falling into an overly good mood, hypomania sometimes developing into full blown mania. Unfortunately the manic phases are getting shorter and shorter and the distances between them (filled with heavy depression) are getting longer. Probably due to the meds I'm recieving which are supposed to balance me out, protect me from mania, but usually just keep me slightly above full-on depression, so I feel lifeless, apathetic, uninterested, antisocial (forcing social interaction - zero real friends), but functional. I haven't felt normal.. 'evened-out' since hitting puberty - first noticeable episode of mania which wasn't yet that intense happened to me when i was 18-19 years old - I messed up a good job opportunity, because I thought I was too good for it, and after a month or so a realization came and the first MAjor onset of depression. It all went downhill from there until I discovered the wondrous world of situation-based, prescribed medication. Which I then abused until developing a tolerance to it and failing my parents and doctors to a point that having a trust in me, no longer became an option. I'd like to blame the mania for the light-handed substance abuse - once you experience a high, synthetic or in my case semi-natural - usually u just want to stay in that state or at least experience it regularly.. or sometimes you just can't get enough and want more and more - that's when destruction knocks on your door, and there's no longer a "right-decision" in sight. Public health care in Poland isn't as tragic - the doctors usually don't give a shit and the paperwork is hazy - but you can usually get a date for the shrink or non-meds giving shrink (psychologist) within a month, max two. And if you're smart and don't have a history of med-abuse you can usually leech out some good stuff. Unfortunately I DO Have a history. I'm pretty much a junkie - soft core stuff, but that's only because I have neither the money nor the connections to score something like cocaine. If I could I'd probably do it in a heartbeat. Mid-post P.S. - if we're not allowed to mention meds someone PM me so i can edit it out. Even If I could beg my shrink into prescribing something stronger but temporary - like clonazapem or zolpidem (this ones great if u never tried it - it's technically for sleeping but practically doesn't make u tired but removes some level of logic thinking allowing to not see your problems as so critical... at least for bipolar depression) - it wouldn't work much beyond making me sleepy and/or muffled (does that word work here? lol) because I built up a huge tolerance over the years, and I'd probably have to be clean for over 2 years for them to start working again. So aside the usual bi-polar crap I take, I try to self medicate. Gotta hide it from mom as hard as I can because she always freaks out. Dad thinks I just have a slight alcohol problem , but the change he gives me I usually spend on cough syrup or if by some miracle I'm patient enough, I save up for... not sure whats the american/english equivalent.. maybe "bath-salts" - legal stuff that stretches the law by selling various chemical labeled as being for collection or talisman purposes. As you might guess the latter choice is sometimes unpredictable, but also sometimes worth it.. though the coming down can be harsh unlike with cough syrup that makes coming down sometimes even pleasant. Alcohol and cough syrup doesn't do it for me as much anymore, partly because of tolerance and partly because on depression sometimes even the good stuff doesn't work - there's just no dopamine to be released even if the gates were wide open. I still do it way more often than I should because I just want to feel different. Less logical, less obsessive, maybe even half conscious - so that the nagging thoughts and hundreds of voices - each of them mine - stop telling me how much I suck all the time. (metaphor, I don't have schizophrenia though once I tried to convince people I had) Sometimes it works better sometimes worse. I never drank socially much, or get high with buds - i just lock myself in my room, take a box of 30 cough pills (cheaper and bit stronger than syrup) or two - and wait the mandatory hour before it starts kicking in at which point, I fire up a first person shooter and missing every headshot I attemp mocking myself ... but this time without judgment. Sometimes while under the influence, I'll open up an IM window of some international internet mate, and make a fool of myself trying to sound coherent and making jokes. They lol and I feel a little warmer inside because that might have been the first time i went social and tried to make someone laugh in over half a year. Like this real douchebag Gran that feeds on how amusing I become and throws me lols like bread crumbs to a circus monkey. (on a unrelated note to this opinion, he's the one that made me write this post). I once overdid it with cough medicine. I used to take more than two boxes. 4, sometimes up to 5 at once. I tripped balls hard and sometimes... usually if I did it while manic.. it was remarkable. But I was unable to hide it from my parent's because coming down from 4-5 boxes can take up to 12h. In the morning they saw a zombie, walking stiff and talking like someone with a stroke. I got in trouble, but I did it again in a week anyway. Unfortunately once I combined a heavy onset of mania, with a week or two week long binge of chugging cough pills. No Idea how many boxes I went through but it was probably a lot - back then the body was strong and I wasn't yet talking funny or walking weird after limiting myself to two boxes which inflated my mood and made the world look if seen through magical glasses. So I kept it up making myself just 3-6h breaks between consuming a box or more. At the end of the binge - I started believing my own hallucinations, believed some people are equipped with special matrix like powers and through the secret of pills I am slowly obtaining them. (Something like Tila Tequila is experiencing right now, but she has too much fanboys nodding at everything she does for her to get out of it, I think) I ended up in a psych ward for 4 months for the first time diagnosed with bi-polr disorder. Through the whole visit i was naturally high, still thinking I discovered some secret and the staff are pawns of the matrix or agents themselves. I got out pretending to be normal, hiding the giggling and weird ideas. Was so excited to be released and be able to experience the world through a whole new magical outlook. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, the world didn't respond to my ways of trying to experience it anew. More and more it started to resemble the old grey and bleak world which I knew and hated. Month went by, got all the craziness out of my system, and went back to full blown depression. I went to another shrink who didn't know about my pill abusing past and leeched out some anti-anxiety pills, took 4 waited a day, didn't work - so i took the whole box at once. Woke up 2 days later in the psych ward again - this time I was going to stay there 2 months trying not to kill myself. I got out because I forced a smile here and there and I was back where I started, and unaware that my half-year depression - half-year mania cycle has broken, and this time depression was here to stay for at least 3 years. Got stronger meds, that made sure i stayed in depression rather than mania - more convenient for the parents and the doctors - and I've been a husk of a person since then. The only reason I'm writing this right know is because I just had my first 2 days of slight-elevated mood in over those 3 years. Normally I can't form a single mildly interesting sentence. I have all these thoughts in my head, but all of them obsessive, dark and self-deprecating. Everything that comes out of my mouth or into the chat window comes of as awkward and forced. Now, I'm slightly happy, excited and also worried it won't last - during those two days I slept only 2 hours because I couldn't, was so wired and excited - not sleeping also causes a slightly lower level of depression and anxiety as many studies show - but today I had over 4h of sleep and I feel less ... optimistic. I'm scared it will go away like it did a few times before. I just got new allergic meds that supposedly don't cause sleepiness like the others and in the leaflet it says in rare cases it can cause lack of sleep (I assume meaning also arousal (non morning wood way)). Might be a coincidence but I intend to chow down on those puppies every day just in case. I don't want to overdo it because if my parents notice I might get stronger meds again. I want this to stay so badly. I also intend to continue self medicating with cough medicine just in case that had a part in it. I no longer cross the 2 box per day line. Partly because I don't want to struggle to remember who I am again, but in a bigger part because I think I fucked up my brain a little. Not that I'm scared of fucking it up more, no. It's beyond repair and I've made my peace with that. I just get blackout more often now than I do halucinations after a big dose. What's the point If you don't even remember what [I]you thought[/I] was happening. I'm so tired of the pit of despair I've been living in for so long - the wonderful mini game-developer hobby I once had - I'm willing to make a fool out of myself again and do crazy shit - heavy price, I'd pay it gladly. Please world, please brain - don't tread on my dreams. So that would be about it - dreadfully sorry for the long post, but when I open up in even the slightest phase of mania - it's hard to shut me up. More often that not that gets me in trouble, but a tiny percentage of people get it, and those people are worth it even though when depression comes back I no longer want to see or talk to them, even when they reach out their hand to me time after time. [I]Thanks for reading[/I] [B]TL.DR bi-polar junkie, once ended up in the looney bin, too stupid to stop abusing substances, usually too depressed to care, sharing because of a few days of relative joy.[/B]

my older brother killed himself 5 years ago. it's weird because he pretty much shaped who i am, exposing me to a lot of good games, good music/tv shows and generally good art, and also just promoted the idea of not following the crowd and thinking for myself. i appreciate that immensely. i mostly just copied what he did and said when he was still alive, though, it was only till about a couple years after he killed himself that i really appreciated him. because of him i've always wanted to make a game, he basically is the guy that showed me the artistic potential of games, and he would always help me with my game maker projects back then. i don't know why he saw so much in me. i can't escape this feeling of emptiness i get when thinking about my dream of making a game. it's just so strange, that he wouldn't be able to play it, or collaborate with me, hell it's still strange to me that he's vanished from fucking existence completely. and why would he want to kill himself? did he not understand what impact that would have? was it just some impulsive mistake? my mother thinks he might have been on weed, but i don't know if theres any indication of that. this is the main reason i'm putting off learning how to develop a game, even though i've had a vision for a game in my head for years. i just don't want to do it without him. he's the reason i have a passion for video games in the first place. it just isn't fair.

-snip snip snip- basically i have lots of anxiety and occasional panic attacks and my dad doesnt know how to help me besides yelling at me about how i need motivation and stuff like that. he wants to take away my main form of communication (computer) and overall discourages me, saying he doesnt know how ill survive in college. we're both frustrated at each other but at least he's never hit me

So tomorrow is the day I'm going to see a specialist regarding whether or not I'm bipolar instead of depress. I'm pretty certain I am and I eagerly await treatment because it's killing me. Just now I almost cried knowing that if I was well I could have gone to Oxbridge instead of just Nottingham if I didn't fuck up thrice. Being mentally ill sucks :( [editline]4th June 2013[/editline] And I'm not saying that to just try to convince people I'm smart or anything, I just need to get it out of my system

[QUOTE=Farrelm;40893878]-snip snip snip-[/QUOTE] Aww, I so wish you haven't decided that your confession was too much, because it wasn't. I read your post while it was still whole, and I'm telling you - here amongst .. mates - you have nothing to apologize for - your situation is perfectly understandable and you have every right to voice your feelings. I don't want to reveal too much of what you wrote if you're really uncomfortable with letting it being out in the open, but... I know how it is to not be understood. Your dad just doesn't understand. I was lucky because as much as my parents also want me to change they don't nag me all the time and if they do they do it subtly - they know I have issues and a condition and although they don't really understand how I feel, they know they shouldn't judge. The shrinks however, try and try again to tell me I'm not working on it, some that I need to go to a facility for minimum 2 months to learn how to function properly. I'm content with the way I am and the time I spend in front of the PC. Forcing me into stressful situations will cause me just to cave in more. Also my friends or acquiescences don't understand even though they try. Moments when I lock up and just want to be left alone, responding to texts and IMs with safe-limited-feedback - I image is more aggravating for them then it is concerning. I make a few friends when I'm Manic (bi-polar), they think I'm great, funny witty - but then I lose them all when i fall back into depression and no longer want them to see me in this condition. It sucks donkey balls hard but whatcha gonna do other than try to accept yourself while still despising every living molecule of your being. I'm a man that has almost no self-respect or pride towards my own status in the social construct. I didn't lose it - I gave it away because I figured it would be more practical considering my issues. I keep telling myself 'fuck what anyone else thinks of me' - and in mania it works - I'm free, I'm liberated, I cherish the people that do like me and not care about the others sometimes even teasing them about it to piss them off and laugh on the inside. But it instantly stops working when I'm depressed again. I judge myself constantly and obsess over what others think of me. It's horrible and unhealthy but I can't help it. So yeah I have some idea what your going through, though I cannot claim I see the full extent of how hard it must be for you, considering you wanted and went ahead with fixing that one thing about your life that always didn't seem right. Yah, a lot of people will give you weird stares, but some will get it even though they never felt the same way - they won't treat you different for it - and those people are the ones that are worth focusing your life on, even if only through IM, and nobody should be forcing you out of that thinking it will instantly solve all your problems. You do it when you're ready and comfortable with yourself. This is not pity, I actually admire your courage - rather an attempt to tell you I understand, if only partially.

Is it possible to overcome depression without professional help. [editline]4th June 2013[/editline] or any medicine.

[QUOTE=jung3o;40904471]Is it possible to overcome depression without professional help. [editline]4th June 2013[/editline] or any medicine.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't be alive without my gf so, I'd imagine yes it is. but it's hard. it doesn't completely go away but you forget it's there for awhile when you have someone who understands

[QUOTE=jung3o;40904471]Is it possible to overcome depression without professional help. [editline]4th June 2013[/editline] or any medicine.[/QUOTE] Talking about your issues with shrinks or psychologists, doesn't really help much, either they just say it's perfectly understandable - or give unrealistic advice that you won't even try. But the meds sure help sometimes. It's hard to change, it's hard for a day when you feel "tonight's going to be different - I'll try to do this easy this and easy that today". Those days usually just don't come naturally and forcing yourself out of your old habits nearly impossible. But the meds sometimes help achieve that day even if only temporary. I recently lost a little weight. But it's not that i gained a little joy from making myself eat a little less - I randomly felt better (probably from some meds) and that helped me be a little more optimistic in front of the pc - not eating when I'm bored or lifeless. So yah it's worth a shot - you don't have to spill your whole guts to the shrinks to get meds, just say the things you're comfortable with sharing or straight out lie believably so as not to divulge what terrible things are actually happening (sorry compulsive liar here). So yah i'd say it's worth it to try and overcome the fear of shrinks and meds if only for a little bit. [SUB]P.S. to the other advice - it's hard as hell for me to get a gf, let alone an understanding one. For some, natural options aren't really viable.[/SUB]

I've had a lot of anxiety over the situation about my eyesight. Due to years of gaming and reading in poor light, I can't see very well at all. I can't read anything if it's more than five feet away, although I can still recognize people and such. I know I'm far from being blind, as with glasses, everything is razor-sharp, but I'm incredibly vain, so I think my glasses look ugly. For this reason, in certain situations, I'm liable to hide my glasses in my pocket and just act like I have 20\20 vision. I'm hoping to get contacts sooner or later to solve this, but it still doesn't help the fact that my eyesight is shot to shit. Surgery is essentially out of the question - most treatments seem effective, but the field is still in its infancy, the side effects are worrying, and I don't have money for anything like that. I've tried eye-strengthening exercises - really just grasping at straws - and I like to think that my eyesight will improve over time, but at the moment, it doesn't help much. I don't know what to do at this point. I guess I'm just posting this for some comfort, really.

[QUOTE=Cheshire_cat;40908115]I've had a lot of anxiety over the situation about my eyesight.[...] so I think my glasses look ugly.[...][/QUOTE] Yes a poor eyesight is a horrible state and a worry for the future process of the deterioration is constant burden. I too have spent a LOT, LOT of time first in front of the television (early childhood with an old b&w one (communist poland back then lol)) and then a CRT monitor - now LED. Somehow my vision is still pretty good at a range up to 30 meters, but if it starts deteriorating I'll be content as long as glasses help. I don't know if You are a girl or a guy, dunno if FP has that in profile at all cos newb and such, but.. as far as looks go, I personally think girls with glasses are extremely hot, sometimes more so that ones with a plain face ( and I don't discriminate the slightly thick ones) , I think most nerds feel the same way and not all of them are ugly themselves. Pretty sure some women feel the same way about men as well. But I understand that as much as we'd like to think of ourselves as sensitive and non-discriminative - we still want the jocks and the cheerleaders as society and our gonads keeps nagging us about it. Those might not always find that attractive cause superficial assholes.... but still hot and 'so doable'. If that's your area of interest then indeed a correction surgery as much as risky and expensive (or the sacrifice of contacts) should one day become realistically considered. But personally I don't give a flying intercourse about people who cross out someone for something as shallow as that. Maybe it's just me, but aside of physical standards - I have some personality standards as well. [editline]5th June 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;40771307]Doesn't really help considering I kinda force my morals about how it's bad to be an ass towards someone, how two wrongs don't make a right, ect ect.[/QUOTE] Too true, I also have some MATES, not friends i should say, that sometimes act like total douches, perhaps a bit to me but mostly to other people. I often wimp out to tell them it's wrong and they should be less of a bunch of single minded jerks. I sometimes subtly state my own outlook on a situation but that usually goes unnoticed. But when I'm manic I'll tell them like it is and even add some mocking - and that gently speaking is usually destructive. Edit: [I]When I'm manic I'm usually a douche myself - I used to love me and my condition for that (being an asshole is fun and makes life easier). However as the cycle continued - mania, then depression - when i regretted my actions in mania and then back to mania again forcing an instinct of being a douche again - I slowly started to despise acting like a douche and hurting people like I did a few in the past. So with each consecutive episode of mania, I tried becoming more determined to control it, as challenging as that can be, and channel my "power" for good and when other people act like I did once, I try to let them know (if I'm in the right point of the confidence cycle) or even despise them a little bit because it's a reflection on my past I so would like to forget but can't and shouldn't.[/I] Kinda admire your courage, but also know it's hard to find a tactful, meaningful and peaceful way of voicing your dissatisfaction without alienating someone you want to keep a relationship with.

snip ive got it settled