Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=aussiedropbear;48552107]This guy I've loved for god knows how long doesn't love me back and started to date someone else, fuck this is a shitty feeling. Doesn't help that I'm insanely jealous about it as well. Idk if I'm being over dramatic or what. I'm like this as well, honestly I'm not completely sure, I guess sometimes I think I'm more self aware that way if that makes any sense at all.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't say you're being over dramatic personally in my opinion people all the time get attached to people who don't give back the same affection your giving them and when you see them go and date someone it sucks and usually you're bound to get jealous.

[QUOTE=BigBadWilly;48552153]I wouldn't say you're being over dramatic personally in my opinion people all the time get attached to people who don't give back the same affection your giving them and when you see them go and date someone it sucks and usually you're bound to get jealous.[/QUOTE] I just say "over dramatic" since my depression got somewhat worse since I heard about it. I don't know if I was obsessive to some extent about him or if this would be a normal reaction to this kind of thing.

[QUOTE=IceTea;48552064]Just curious if when any of you feel sad or depressed, sometimes for no reason or because something triggered you to feel saddened, do you want to stay that way? Do you not want to see or hear anything that could potentially put you in a better mood and make you feel better? Is this just me or, do other people do this to themselves, too? And if so, why? Why is it that when I feel sad, I actually go out of my way to keep feeling sad? Hell, I was e even hesitant to hop on Facepunch because I thought I might see something that would make me smile or laugh. Is there something wrong with me? Do others do this, too? Is there a name for this?[/QUOTE] No it's not just you, it's a quite common behavior and it's not weird but it is hard to understand cause it's pretty counter-intuitive. The way I understand it, if somebody is depressed for a long time depression becomes their normal and being happy or even emotionally stable becomes different and, consequently, uncomfortable and scary. So trying to stay depressed is a sort of unconscious way of soothing yourself.

Oh god, I'm so glad other people do that. I was starting to think that maybe I'm subconsciously acting depressed for the attention because at this point I have a hard time telling the difference between my public image and who I am inside.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48553149]No it's not just you, it's a quite common behavior and it's not weird but it is hard to understand cause it's pretty counter-intuitive. The way I understand it, if somebody is depressed for a long time depression becomes their normal and being happy or even emotionally stable becomes different and, consequently, uncomfortable and scary. So trying to stay depressed is a sort of unconscious way of soothing yourself.[/QUOTE] This pretty much, depression is a bit like a coping method for your brain and body.

second day at the new ward, I've had a blast so far! theres no staff after 8 pm which feels amazing, at the old ward we had check ups during night etc. I feel a lot more free here. the other patients have been super inviting as well! yesterday, my first day, I was invited to fish with three of the other patients which was a lot of fun. I played some smash bros brawl with five others, made waffles with another guy yesterday and watched TV with the others occasionally. even played some dance game with two others at the Wii earlier today. played some cards too! its really refreshing that the patients actually talk and interact with each other, none did at the old ward. scheduled to make some pulled pork for everyone with another guy on Monday which I'm looking forward to. in general, I feel really included by everyone. it happens that I just sit there and watch the others talk sometimes, but hey, they don't know me that well yet and I don't know them that well yet either. I'm sure it'll just get better!

I have to say that college is a really shitty place to be for a person with social anxiety. I keep telling myself that I'll really put myself out there this year and make some friends but in the end I always shy away from social opportunities/events and end up back in my room. I'm perfectly okay having one or two really great friends who hang out all the time but the few people I do know never hang out with me or ask me to. It's awful in college in particular because people judge you for not having a big group of friends or talking a lot, and plus everyone else seems to have a massive group of friends which only makes me sad because I can't say the same. I feel alright during the times I'm actually doing things like sitting in class, but during free time I'm always reminded I have basically nothing to do socially which is even more horrible during the weekends.

I've been having this strange feeling as of late: We'll I thought that I've finally gone to my emotional base-line for a change. That baseline being dysthymic. But for a few days now I've felt strange. Like I'm sitting on the passenger seat. I react to the outside world, but I don't feel any of the physical sensations that I should except for touch and pain. I cry but don't feel sad, worry and only feel my face contort. Twitch around restlessly and hesitate taking actions, but don't feel anxiety that I usually. Laugh and only feel my cheeks ache.

Anyone else just feel very alienated?Like the type of thing where you can't even imagine yourself in a social context or leading a normal life? Don't really know what to call these feelings

I've just learnt that my previous partner who I still care about so much (even if I've not spoken to them properly in a while) has now disappeared altogether on my Facebook. I don't think I'm going to have a good night tonight.

[QUOTE=Sharker;48555315]I have to say that college is a really shitty place to be for a person with social anxiety. I keep telling myself that I'll really put myself out there this year and make some friends but in the end I always shy away from social opportunities/events and end up back in my room. I'm perfectly okay having one or two really great friends who hang out all the time but the few people I do know never hang out with me or ask me to. It's awful in college in particular because people judge you for not having a big group of friends or talking a lot, and plus everyone else seems to have a massive group of friends which only makes me sad because I can't say the same. I feel alright during the times I'm actually doing things like sitting in class, but during free time I'm always reminded I have basically nothing to do socially which is even more horrible during the weekends.[/QUOTE] It's normal to feel this way, especially around college. I had the same kind of attitude and it kinda bit me in the ass. Needless to say, you lose nothing you try even just once. It makes you sweat a lot and think the worst about yourself, but at the same time you venture a little outside of your boundaries to merely test the waters. You don't have to like it, that's totally your choice. If you do, then you can move from there, from talking to the people in these groups to doing more outside things. I won't lie and say that is all there is. If you're anything like me, you have to be in the right mindset to get the ball rolling. A very fragile mindset at that; the slightest thing will knock it off course and ruin it. If clubs or groups are not your thing, classrooms are a good place to get your feet wet. Professors especially. The more you talk to them, the less scary they become. Just remember, baby steps. You don't have to be class president tomorrow. I mean, more power to you if you do, but still. [QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48560037]I've been having this strange feeling as of late: We'll I thought that I've finally gone to my emotional base-line for a change. That baseline being dysthymic. But for a few days now I've felt strange. Like I'm sitting on the passenger seat. I react to the outside world, but I don't feel any of the physical sensations that I should except for touch and pain. I cry but don't feel sad, worry and only feel my face contort. Twitch around restlessly and hesitate taking actions, but don't feel anxiety that I usually. Laugh and only feel my cheeks ache.[/QUOTE] That usually happens during a down-phase of depression: you sorta become numb to a number of sensations. Have you had an episode of depression or something that really set your anxiety off lately? [QUOTE=diobono;48560259]Anyone else just feel very alienated?Like the type of thing where you can't even imagine yourself in a social context or leading a normal life? Don't really know what to call these feelings[/QUOTE] It could be anxiety at play, maybe the result of stress or stressful event. This can happen at times, especially when school rolls around. Plenty of stress for everyone. Have you been in any stressful environments or has something worked your anxiety/depression lately? [QUOTE=Alex Rider;48562868]I've just learned that my previous partner who I still care about so much (even if I've not spoken to them properly in a while) has now disappeared altogether on my Facebook. I don't think I'm going to have a good night tonight.[/QUOTE] Those are usually the most painful. A change like that can really make you upset, especially when you felt you weren't ready to let go. While I'm no expert, perhaps this is something you can take in stride. A sign, if you will, to move on and no longer worry about the loose-ends that may be. Do you keep them there as a reminder or simply because you just couldn't take them away from view? Apologies if this is too personal, I'll back off if so.

Does anyone know what it actually feels like to be socially anxious? People have told me I might be, but the truth is I don't really feel anxious about the thought of talking to people, but I can have the tendency to act real nervous or awkward talking to people sometimes. My boyfriend as well my family have commented on this, but I don't think it's actually social anxiety. Does it honestly sound like it is to any of you guys?

[QUOTE=Fhenexx;48563635]Does anyone know what it actually feels like to be socially anxious? People have told me I might be, but the truth is I don't really feel anxious about the thought of talking to people, but I can have the tendency to act real nervous or awkward talking to people sometimes. My boyfriend as well my family have commented on this, but I don't think it's actually social anxiety. Does it honestly sound like it is to any of you guys?[/QUOTE] Social anxiety usually manifests in going out of your way to not interact with people.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48563993]Social anxiety usually manifests in going out of your way to not interact with people.[/QUOTE] Thank you!

I've been having a ton of anxiety lately because some dude has been sleeping on our couch for the last few weeks. He's a fucking lazy abrasive asshole and I've been cooped up in my room almost the entire time because I just can't stand leaving it and potentially facing him. I guess I just have to wait for my parents to throw him out because he shows no intention of leaving. [editline]28th August 2015[/editline] I can't stop worrying about how college is going to be, each new year of high school I try and convince myself that this year I'll put myself out there and make friends and not be fucked in the head any more but it never happens and I'm scared that it never will.

Does anybody have experience with preventing self harm? I relapsed really badly today after a few months of being "ok". All summer, I was holed up by myself, but now I'm at school and gender dysphoria is harder to deal with than usual. None of the tips I could find online have helped at all and my close friends don't know anything about self harm, let alone preventing it.

[QUOTE=Baboo00;48566428]Does anybody have experience with preventing self harm? I relapsed really badly today after a few months of being "ok". All summer, I was holed up by myself, but now I'm at school and gender dysphoria is harder to deal with than usual. None of the tips I could find online have helped at all and my close friends don't know anything about self harm, let alone preventing it.[/QUOTE] My only prevention from relapsing to self-harm was finally thinking about it from a detached perspective: The people who care about me would not be happy if I would harm someone else they care about.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48563439]:words:[/QUOTE] I know you're trying to be helpful, but this isn't just a "change" - this is me worrying more about my previous partner knowing he has it considerably worse off than me just completely cutting ties altogether. I don't know if that means he is moving on himself, or if he's considering something much more drastic. Just being able to know he is active is enough for me to say that he is doing okay and he is alive. Now I don't know if he is dead or alive or any other set of possibilities. And even then, that person was one of the last things that I had left to keep fighting to stay alive myself, and now that's gone. As far as I'm concerned, that is just another failure to add to my list. I wanted to not wake up today. Instead of being out of bed at my usual time, I went back to sleep. When I went to do a paper delivery for my grandparents, I was already struggling to keep up the pace, and felt like collapsing in the middle of the pavement / road at one point. And yet, I still cannot force myself to act upon my suicidal thoughts because I have no absolute 100% certainty of a suicide insta-killing myself. (Disclaimer: I'm still "safe", although I feel like this is drowning and no one outside of Facepunch seems to give two flying fucks about helping me apart from "Go talk to Samaritans" when they KNOW I struggle enough talking to anyone in person/on the phone) No job. No confidence to try for an Apprenticeship because I feel anyone else will do a better job than I ever could. No support from the JobCentre unless you sign onto benefits which I don't ever want to engage with them (because I know I'm not going to last one week on their requirements). No real support from my GP because the most he can do is just pass on references to IAPT services (which was useless - I can't "talk" to someone about these things) No support from charities that work on employability as a disabled / mental health impaired person because you need to receive a reference from the JobCentre (who will only work with you if you sign onto benefits). I don't know where to go, and as far as I can see, I am merely walking dead. [i]Edit: I should add I hope this doesn't come off as a flame / shitpost towards you Vaught - I know you mean well. Not trying to sound like a jackass here. [/i]

Im very sorry to hear that is how you feel. I've been feeling suicidal aswell for quite a while and I know how horrible it is and how nothing seems to give relief. What you absolutely must remember is that, even though it can be very hard/impossible to conceive right now, life will get better. Maybe not in the way you think but im 99.9% sure that you will come to experience feeling better. Anyhow i hope things will be brigther for you in the near future

I wanted your guys' opinion on my situation. Some of you may or may not know but I'm transgender. I do reside in the TG/CD thread usually. I check it every time I log on. But the past couple weeks I've just been so depressed and anxious. Right now it's whatever time it is and tbh I don't care what time it is if I'm honest. I lose track of what day it is usually and I've done nothing but argue with shallow minded people on a dating website. For those who don't know, my brother is staying at my house and I'm not very close with him. I hate him. He turns my stomach. He's an asshole. Even if he wasn't my brother he is just one of those people id hate. He's a transphobic ass and he's so close-minded. I haven't been feeling safe at all, not even in my own room. I'm basically stuck living at home for reasons I cannot be bothered to go into right now since my head hurts and I'm a sulking b... I feel so alone and so disconnected from the world. I feel sick and i find it very difficult to concentrate. I can't really dress up and present myself as female since I don't feel safe in my house let alone my local town. I feel safer in the city where I can freely express my gender and have people refer to me as such. I am so disinterested in doing hobbies and I'm finding it difficult to sleep as a result of me feeling just so shitty physically and mentally. I don't know what to do. I'm scared that I'll end up alone and I'm scared everyone I love like my friends will just leave me and get on in life and I'm alienated from the world. I used to go to regular counselling but it didn't help. I'm grasping at straws to talk to some people. I just feel so alone. Edit: added a 'to' in the sentence talking about how I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.

[QUOTE=Alex Rider;48567704]I know you're trying to be helpful, but this isn't just a "change" - this is me worrying more about my previous partner knowing he has it considerably worse off than me just completely cutting ties altogether. I don't know if that means he is moving on himself, or if he's considering something much more drastic. Just being able to know he is active is enough for me to say that he is doing okay and he is alive. Now I don't know if he is dead or alive or any other set of possibilities. And even then, that person was one of the last things that I had left to keep fighting to stay alive myself, and now that's gone. As far as I'm concerned, that is just another failure to add to my list. I wanted to not wake up today. Instead of being out of bed at my usual time, I went back to sleep. When I went to do a paper delivery for my grandparents, I was already struggling to keep up the pace, and felt like collapsing in the middle of the pavement / road at one point. And yet, I still cannot force myself to act upon my suicidal thoughts because I have no absolute 100% certainty of a suicide insta-killing myself. (Disclaimer: I'm still "safe", although I feel like this is drowning and no one outside of Facepunch seems to give two flying fucks about helping me apart from "Go talk to Samaritans" when they KNOW I struggle enough talking to anyone in person/on the phone) No job. No confidence to try for an Apprenticeship because I feel anyone else will do a better job than I ever could. No support from the JobCentre unless you sign onto benefits which I don't ever want to engage with them (because I know I'm not going to last one week on their requirements). No real support from my GP because the most he can do is just pass on references to IAPT services (which was useless - I can't "talk" to someone about these things) No support from charities that work on employability as a disabled / mental health impaired person because you need to receive a reference from the JobCentre (who will only work with you if you sign onto benefits). I don't know where to go, and as far as I can see, I am merely walking dead. [i]Edit: I should add I hope this doesn't come off as a flame / shitpost towards you Vaught - I know you mean well. Not trying to sound like a jackass here. [/i][/QUOTE] I shall preface this with a disclaimer: /hug <3 I understand your frustration, I really do. I know what its like to have one less reason to wake up in the morning, one more reason to drive into opposing traffic, and feel like its all your fault. I walk that road quite often and ask myself why I even bother existing. There are things in life that happen outside of your control and it makes you wonder if you have any control in your life at all. I get it, I truly do. It feels like to me that this was a sort of domino effect for you: something deeply rooted to you has left a void, a schism. All of the frustrations of your situation come calling all at once and it becomes so overwhelming that you see no light at the end of the tunnel. Times like these start off with waiting the storm out. You're emotionally wobbly because of this new change, a change I understand you're upset about. Take a few steps back and solve it all one brick at a time. I'm not implying you aren't/haven't. If you have a means of contacting him outside of the internet/social media, give that a try. Perhaps it was simply a friendslist cull and he forgot to put you back in. Maybe he changed accounts to something newer. It's frightening to find something you love disappear with no plausible cause, but take a few steps back, think about any possible reasons why or even try contacting him. If he has moved on, maybe he will give you a reason. If you feel you haven't, talk to him. Again, not assuming you have or haven't, merely advising. And you're fine, it didn't come off flamey or hateful. You were passionate about the subject and I can respect that. [editline]30th August 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=rozzachu;48571453]I wanted your guys' opinion on my situation. Some of you may or may not know but I'm transgender. I do reside in the TG/CD thread usually. I check it every time I log on. But the past couple weeks I've just been so depressed and anxious. Right now it's whatever time it is and tbh I don't care what time it is if I'm honest. I lose track of what day it is usually and I've done nothing but argue with shallow minded people on a dating website. For those who don't know, my brother is staying at my house and I'm not very close with him. I hate him. He turns my stomach. He's an asshole. Even if he wasn't my brother he is just one of those people id hate. He's a transphobic ass and he's so close-minded. I haven't been feeling safe at all, not even in my own room. I'm basically stuck living at home for reasons I cannot be bothered to go into right now since my head hurts and I'm a sulking b... I feel so alone and so disconnected from the world. I feel sick and i find it very difficult to concentrate. I can't really dress up and present myself as female since I don't feel safe in my house let alone my local town. I feel safer in the city where I can freely express my gender and have people refer to me as such. I am so disinterested in doing hobbies and I'm finding it difficult to sleep as a result of me feeling just so shitty physically and mentally. I don't know what to do. I'm scared that I'll end up alone and I'm scared everyone I love like my friends will just leave me and get on in life and I'm alienated from the world. I used to go to regular counselling but it didn't help. I'm grasping at straws to talk to some people. I just feel so alone. Edit: added a 'to' in the sentence talking about how I'm finding it difficult to concentrate.[/QUOTE] Hello! I visit that thread often, so I recognize you. I don't post a lot, but still :v: . Now, please please don't hate me for saying this, but I have to ask if you've begun the HRT. If you have, it could be the imbalance of chemicals causing emotional shifts. That's quite normal. If you haven't, it might be underlying depression/anxiety about your transition and how you want to come out to the world or lack of appreciation from those that surround you already. Your environment can seriously impact your emotional outlook. Is moving into the city an option or is this a long-term goal? Perhaps you can find time to take a trip into the city while presenting as female.

I get to spend the rest of the weekend worried because there is a mysterious transaction on my bank history from last Friday just labeled "withdraw" which I'm pretty sure means it was a withdrawal done at the bank. It's for exactly $35 which probably means it's not just a mislabeled card transaction and I haven't physically been to the bank in weeks. I have to just sit here and worry that I don't get cleaned out before Monday comes. The fact that someone apparently tried to brute force their way onto one of my forum accounts that I never use yesterday isn't helping any.

Don't you wish you could go back in time and change somethin? I wish I could go back in time....

[QUOTE=Vaught;48572044]Hello! I visit that thread often, so I recognize you. I don't post a lot, but still :v: . Now, please please don't hate me for saying this, but I have to ask if you've begun the HRT. If you have, it could be the imbalance of chemicals causing emotional shifts. That's quite normal. If you haven't, it might be underlying depression/anxiety about your transition and how you want to come out to the world or lack of appreciation from those that surround you already. Your environment can seriously impact your emotional outlook. Is moving into the city an option or is this a long-term goal? Perhaps you can find time to take a trip into the city while presenting as female.[/QUOTE] I haven't started, no. If anything I want to be and the doctor in Nottingham said I could be put on them around January time. Like you said, not being on it is probably a cause for a lot of it. I get physical discomfort frequently. I should be out of the house on Wednesday and Thursday, I asked to stay around a friends and I wont be back late on the Thursday. Hopefully spending time with a friend as female could help me out a little. Thanks for your response.

my best friend is moving to New South Wales and she means a lot to me and now that she's leaving I really have no one to hang out with during the week, it'll just be me and this girl I'm seeing who I only get to see rarely and text everyday My life is becoming more and more lonely and isolated, I'm 19 and I feel so blank

I need to stop getting so god dang wasted, no matter how much I drink I never really pass out I just eventually do stupid shit like fall over and bruise my face in the concrete ground. Also memory loss and doing awkward stuff :v: next time I drink I'm gonna take it slow.

bleh, gonna start taking my antidepressants again, i don't feel well at all :s: probably the summer depression that's late this year

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48573163]Don't you wish you could go back in time and change somethin? I wish I could go back in time....[/QUOTE] There's so many things I'd change really.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48575226]I need to stop getting so god dang wasted, no matter how much I drink I never really pass out I just eventually do stupid shit like fall over and bruise my face in the concrete ground. Also memory loss and doing awkward stuff :v: next time I drink I'm gonna take it slow.[/QUOTE] I get awkwardly feminine. And campy as fuck. Last time it happened in my dorm of all straight dudes a random wingwoman pulled me aside and hid me in my room so I could avoid being super super gay in front of my roommates. oops, i accidentally became her token "gay" bff

I drink Every night if I can afford it. I never drank before I got married. The sitcoms were Right!