Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Leader of Me;41821317]Borderline personality disorder sucks.[/QUOTE] I'm pretty much the crazy guy when it comes to my group of friends thanks to this. They're my friends but I still can't escape the fucking stigma. Some days I'm fine, and others I can't stand to be around any of 'em because this part of me is internally screaming at everything and the smallest thing makes me disdain them. Right now I'm just in the wee hours of the morning again, not much to do just feeling like shit.

[QUOTE=Lebowski;41821506]I'm pretty much the crazy guy when it comes to my group of friends thanks to this. They're my friends but I still can't escape the fucking stigma. Some days I'm fine, and others I can't stand to be around any of 'em because this part of me is internally screaming at everything and the smallest thing makes me disdain them. Right now I'm just in the wee hours of the morning again, not much to do just feeling like shit.[/QUOTE] I experience the same thing man, I'm so emotionally unstable it's not funny. I've done so much stupid shit to handle my stress and problems, such as engaging in self harm. I haven't self harmed in 5 months so I suppose that's a good thing, even though the compulsion to do though is still there.

[QUOTE=yawmwen;41769639]hey i have bipolar and go through periods of suicidal ideation. i have no insurance and no money to pay for medication. what can i do to get medical help? do i have to commit myself to a psychiatric hospital or actually attempt to kill myself before i can receive anything? maybe i can get on ssi. i would need a doctor that can say that my bipolar is a disability though, which might be hard(considering i can't afford a fucking doctor).[/QUOTE] Look for community clinics that have volunteer psychiatrists on site. They have sliding scale payments, including potentially free appointments depending on your income.

[QUOTE=Leader of Me;41822068]I experience the same thing man, I'm so emotionally unstable it's not funny. I've done so much stupid shit to handle my stress and problems, such as engaging in self harm. I haven't self harmed in 5 months so I suppose that's a good thing, even though the compulsion to do though is still there.[/QUOTE] I've only self harmed a couple times, but when I did it was bad; though that's whether or not you count all the fucking drugs.

Because of my borderline personality disorder I don't really handle things very well and try and sort my problems out by doing really stupid and self destructive things, I told someone who means a lot to me that I smoked weed before I met them (I lied to them and said I've never smoked weed) and now they don't want to have anything to do with me, which is understandable. I just really don't know how to handle this problem right now as well, I'm under a lot of stress because of this and I don't want to wallow in self pity and do something stupid like cut myself or do anything self destructive, but I really feel like I have to.

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Well then I might as well post all this here. I'll probably sound like an attention whore but I don't care anymore. I'm getting "treated" for something that's apparently causing my depression, something to do with my liver and intestines, probably from too much alchohol consumption when I was 15/16. I put "treated" in quotes because it's basically 2 different doctors arguing about the other being unprofessional and how that the blood tests that I took about a year ago were missing, if they wern't then I could of been "treated" sooner. So yeah that's been making me depressed. My father has been acting like an annoying twat lately so I don't talk to him anymore, which is making me depressed. I have to go on a diet of gluten free foods, which means I can't eat all the good stuff, which is causing me to eat less which makes me constantly hungry and depressed. Depression makes me an ass towards people and pets. I've been locking my cat out of my room for the past while because I don't want to deal with his shit. We used to be best friends, but now isn't the case. He doesn't sleep by my side anymore when I'm in bed. Me being alone makes me depressed. I've also lost a few facepunch friends it seems for various reasons that involve me being stupid. Which makes me depressed. Honestly at this point I don't see the point in living anymore. I have no friends, I'm a walking fuck up, I cry myself to sleep every night, Yadayada. At risk of sounding ~edgy~, if I'm gone unannounced for a week, you'll know what happened. It won't happen soon, though. I've still giving my life a chance. [editline]16th August 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=redback3;41856867]-snip-[/QUOTE] Not very convenient that we both posted here. I didn't see anything, but it's safe to say that whatever insult or criticism was said I deserve. For those of you who don't know, I was giving this angel, the only person who cares about me, the cold shoulder because I'm a dumbfuck who doesn't know how to properly communicate with someone.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;41856926]Well then I might as well post all this here. I'll probably sound like an attention whore but I don't care anymore. I'm getting "treated" for something that's apparently causing my depression, something to do with my liver and intestines, probably from too much alchohol consumption when I was 15/16. I put "treated" in quotes because it's basically 2 different doctors arguing about the other being unprofessional and how that the blood tests that I took about a year ago were missing, if they wern't then I could of been "treated" sooner. So yeah that's been making me depressed. My father has been acting like an annoying twat lately so I don't talk to him anymore, which is making me depressed. I have to go on a diet of gluten free foods, which means I can't eat all the good stuff, which is causing me to eat less which makes me constantly hungry and depressed. Depression makes me an ass towards people and pets. I've been locking my cat out of my room for the past while because I don't want to deal with his shit. We used to be best friends, but now isn't the case. He doesn't sleep by my side anymore when I'm in bed. Me being alone makes me depressed. I've also lost a few facepunch friends it seems for various reasons that involve me being stupid. Which makes me depressed. Honestly at this point I don't see the point in living anymore. I have no friends, I'm a walking fuck up, I cry myself to sleep every night, Yadayada. At risk of sounding ~edgy~, if I'm gone unannounced for a week, you'll know what happened. It won't happen soon, though. I've still giving my life a chance. [editline]16th August 2013[/editline] Not very convenient that we both posted here. I didn't see anything, but it's safe to say that whatever insult or criticism was said I deserve. For those of you who don't know, I was giving this angel, the only person who cares about me, the cold shoulder because I'm a dumbfuck who doesn't know how to properly communicate with someone.[/QUOTE] sometimes you can only care so much, but i still hope you're happy and healthy no matter what. you deserve that you're a better person that most cunts, just need to show it more. also, the snipped post was about some dumb generic suicide shit that i'm sure the thread doesn't want to read and i'm sick of reading it, if you were wondering

I figured this belongs here: A few months ago I was happy. After years of depression I was finally comfortable with who I was. I was sociable, invited to the only parties going on at the time. I felt like I had good morals, a good mind, a good heart, and just felt good about myself, but all of a sudden I started feeling lost and fell into a rut as if I went back in time to when I was depressed. I feel as if I don't know who I am anymore. It seems like I constantly contradict myself and keep on telling myself what I want to hear to make me believe I'm a great person. I always do my best to progress myself as a person and to be the best version of myself but right now it doesn't feel as if I'm where I want to be. Since April when I was at my greatest, I quit smoking weed (stopped feeling good), slowly drifted apart from my friends as Summer break came around, got lead on and pushed away by a girl, quit the football team (didn't enjoy it that much; would've been my first year) and also stopped going to the gym as much. Yes, I could start smoking weed again and go back to the gym but what I really want now is a peace of mind and to figure out how to stop constantly contradicting myself and to [i]find myself[/i], or at least progress towards finding myself. My mind's also been groggy and unclear, and I've lost a lot of the confidence I spent most of the school year working on gaining. It feels shitty. Sorry if I'm unclear, it's hard to explain + 2:30 AM and I'm tired.

Just found out that my mom is taking psychiatric help because she can't stand seeing me like this anymore. I think I get even more depressed than motivated knowing this.

Well yesterday I was happy for no reason. Now I'm angry and sad for no reason. Someone just hand me a gun already so this endless cycle of fighting the hate in my mind will stop. I'm going to sleep, because it's frankly the closest to death and a vacation I can get right now. fyck

Had a friend who I also had feelings for, and my feelings were tearing me apart, so I cut contact with her so I could get my fucking life and shit together. She blocked me a few weeks later. I had a dream that I magically managed to talk to her and tell her why I did this. She wasn't her friendly old self again towards me, but she at least understood... ...then I woke up. My heart felt like a fucking lead weight. What a way to start the day.

I really don't like being bisexual. I'm not usually simultaneously attracted to both genders, rather it feels like my sexuality is alternating between gay, straight, and asexual. Sometimes I'm only attracted to girls and the male body and gay intercourse becomes off putting to me, sometimes I'm only attracted to guys and the female body and straight intercourse becomes off putting. When I'm horny my personality changes so dramatically from how I normally behave it's like being possessed, I become confident dominant and a bit sadistic, I meet up with strangers and often don't care about any risks, I spend at least an hour or two thinking about the most convincing and consistent lie to tell my parents of where I'll be and how long, I often don't care if I'm attracted to my partner or not and thinks of them more as someone to please my self-image with and as a number to add on to my list of people I've had sex with. When I'm with girls I often end up missing guys, and when I'm with guys I often end up depressed I'm not more with girls. When I'm not horny I'm a normal goddamn person; I'm shy and a bit timid, I'm polite, friendly, generous, and rational. I often end up thinking back about the things I've done with the same kind of feeling a hungover person looking back at the dumb and crazy shit they did while flat out drunk. It feels like my straight, gay, and asexual side all hate and look down on each other as a rival partnership where only one at a time can be in control of my sexuality and all 3 have very different ideas of how my life should look like.

You should feel attracted to a gender whenever you feel like being attracted to that specific gender If you're young it's part of discovering gender preference

I'm 22, and have considered myself a bisexual since 14

Sometimes I really don't know where I'm going in life, I make one bad choice and it closes a million doors for the rest of my life. Its really hard to keep myself on track when I have no idea what I want to do, I've got it to stop affecting my behavior and mindset for a while now, but it still really screws with my mood. And then sometimes I just don't feel anything anymore, like that bad feeling in my gut is gone completely, and I don't really feel at all.

I just celebrated my 21st birthday on Saturday. A lot of people that were going to show up at the club stood me up, saying they couldn't make it. I spent the evening with a good friend, another guy who's always taking girls from me, and his friend. That night was pretty good, but then I found out today that all those people that said they couldn't make it went out to the same bar last night and didn't even bother inviting me. I'm done with everything at this point. I've always wanted a social life but moved around so much that I could never establish myself. I do so much for these people, and I just want friends. I don't want to be alone anymore, but I always end up alone again in the end no matter what I do. I hate my life more than I've ever had and I feel like no matter what I do, I always suffer. I truly want to jump into another life and start over. The last birthday I celebrated was my 15th, and only 2 people showed up. All I can do is curse and scream at everything. I thought I beat depression, I thought this was going to be a new beginning...It's like I'm cursed and it never ends. I'm a good looking guy, young, energetic, and yet these things happen to me that make me just want to end my life. I feel no hope anymore, I feel nothing but pure hurt.

So for the past 5 years I've been going through quite a bit of anxiety and have gone through about four different psychologists. I've been bullied in a variety of ways whether it be physical or verbal abuse by peers. Just a year ago I was put on meds. Through this year I've finally gotten on the right medication for the moment. Also a bully who bullied me while I worked with him in a play finally apoligized to me via my youtube account in a decent and honest paragraph. I hope this success continues.

I really need a wakeup call, i can't continue living like this in my comfort zone. I never even do anything so nothing ever happens to me.

-snip-

just had an anxiety attack yesterday night because too much happened at once. what were those things? two completely normal things. why did I break apart so easily? I sat there crying for myself because it got too much for me.

I've been wondering for a while whether or not I'm doing the right thing with my future. I'm currently doing a Game Design course in a private uni, and it seems to be going really nicely so far. It's probably the first time that I'm actually enjoying myself in uni life and actually gaining something from it, while doing pretty well at the work and scoring fairly high results; averaging at distinctions. I browse some of the threads here and I see everybody else's opinion on Game Design courses. They are all pretty much saying that they are to be avoided, and that without getting a near perfect score in subjects like advanced mathematics and coding, you can basically forget about getting any kind of job in the industry. It's heartbreaking and it kills off any hope I have of doing well in the future, seeing as I've done incredibly badly in maths and coding with my previous uni subject of Info Systems (coding, database fundamentals, web design etc). I even managed to piss off one of the tutors for 'asking for help too much' and getting called a fucking retard in class. After that, I lost all my motivation to learn and basically struggled more and more until I failed my entire semester. Many people have suggested going for a Comp Sci course instead, but I know that I'm not good enough at maths and coding to even get close to passing, and even if I do pass, it's not going to be good enough to get me a job. So basically, I feel like I'm totally screwed and I don't really have any other options left. I feel so lost and hopeless that it's just fuelling my depression even more. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should try to do instead?

[QUOTE=PredGD;41926943]just had an anxiety attack yesterday night because too much happened at once. what were those things? two completely normal things. why did I break apart so easily? I sat there crying for myself because it got too much for me.[/QUOTE] same thing happens to me a couple times a month, got banned for it this time

Is it normal to recover from depression this fast? i stopped using medicine when i ran out of it in january. And after i got past the worst aftereffects i haven't felt like using them again. Also i haven't really felt that depressed this year either compared how in bottom i was at the autumn of the last year. But... i feel... fine? For some reason i am not bothered by my problems.

So, there's something I've been doing for the last 4 years but never really thought about talking about it, since I tought it was all about loneliness. It appears that I'm (alot) talking to people and later realise there's nobody there. I can have a complete conversation for 10 minutes untill I realise I'm talking to myself. I'm imagining other people, people I've seen or just some made-up persons. This has begun to happen several times a day, and while being at work with other people this might turn out to be an awkward situation. Does anyone know what the cause of this is or what I can do to "calm my brain"? [editline]29th August 2013[/editline] I'm starting to feel like I'm Schizofrenic or something

I just want to commit suicide.

[QUOTE=Swog;42016943]I just want to commit suicide.[/QUOTE] Please don't. If you want or need to talk you can PM me.

[QUOTE=ripsipiirakk;41955693]Is it normal to recover from depression this fast? i stopped using medicine when i ran out of it in january. And after i got past the worst aftereffects i haven't felt like using them again. Also i haven't really felt that depressed this year either compared how in bottom i was at the autumn of the last year. But... i feel... fine? For some reason i am not bothered by my problems.[/QUOTE] That actully happens quit often

[QUOTE=Swog;42016943]I just want to commit suicide.[/QUOTE] no :(

My mom just visited me and she was drunk. I kept telling her to go back to her home for like 5 minutes until I suddenly snapped at her and yelled "GO" at the top of my lungs. Now I feel fucking bad and sorry and I'm crying. What is wrong with me?