Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I'm really starting to scare myself. I got into a huge argument over something trivial and stormed out of the house and I don't know where I am. I'm starting to think I can't control myself anymore, and I'm afraid of hurting the people I love. God , I'm such a fuck up.

[quote]I'm finding my life hard to stomach, lately. I can't really think of any reason to get up in the morning, anymore, and I look at people around me who live happy, healthy lives and look at mine and realize how shitty my life is. My mother treats me like a verbal punching bag and refuses to think about how it makes me feel. Meanwhile everyone else is out having fun. The longer this goes on, the angrier I become. I'm miserable. Edited: I sort of wonder if going to therapy is a good idea.[/quote] I doubt anybody remembers this, but on the last page of the last thread, I posted this post. I was depressed and overwhelmed. After a while, I became okay, I started feeling a bit better, but as of late, financial issues have plagued my family, leaving me to suffer the wrath of my family, who still treats me like a verbal punching bag. My depression has worsened, and every new day fills me with a dread that deprives me of so much sleep. If I have a decent day I get maybe 4-5 hours, 6 on a really good day. I've become bitter about life, and incredibly lonely. I always figured that maybe if I had a girlfriend, my mood would improve, maybe I would see a brighter side of life, giving me something to look forward to, though I know that my awful anger and bitterness issues will never let that happen. It's hard enough to retain friendships with people I've known for 7 years. It's not like they're willing to spend much time with me anymore anyway. I used to write to fix my problems, though I lack the motivation to do anything beyond writing maybe a page if I'm lucky. I've never been able to find an outlet and I'm so scared of losing people I love. Now, I'm not on the brink of suicide, not even close, and I'm certain I'm not in the worst situation here, I just really want guidance to keep me from getting worse than I was at the time of this post, and god forbid worse than I am now. And I know this post is a jumbled mess, but I really want to put my thoughts out to at least get a bit of an idea of what to do.

I'm a fucking useless piece of shit. No matter what I do, I HAVE to overanalyze every fucking thing that happens, and try to be perfect. And I have no fucking justification to feel the way I do. I'm just a spoiled pile of shit who always bitches to his friends about how "horrible" his fucking life is until they all leave one by one. I can't fucking take initiative. I have no fucking balls. Honestly, the only solution is to fucking purge myself and people like me. I just make things difficult for the rest of the fucking world.

I thought a few months ago that I was done with depression. But around two months ago it just came back to me, and has now gotten pretty bad since some really nasty stuff has happened to me this month, and I've pretty much lost most of the things I love, apart from family, but I have also lost practically all my friends too. It's led me to go pretty downhill, and I've ended up cutting myself (please don't judge), and having suicidal thoughts, which have now calmed down to the likes of "I really hope I don't wake up in the morning", but I won't actually go ahead and kill myself because of family. I've never really gotten properly diagnosed, I tried twice before but they turned me away because I didn't have an appointment, and one guy in the waiting room laughed at me, and I cannot stand the thought of going back into that waiting room and asked to be "tested for depression" or however you would say it. I'm really not sure what to do now, I'm going to get tested for celiac disease (where you are sensitive to gluten), as my brother has it, and it can cause depression. But I feel like I can't wait for the 2/3 weeks until the test results come back. I've read online that omega-3 as well as other things can really help a person with depression, but that is just assuming that the reason they are depressed is deficiencies in omega-3, etc. Things are really starting to look hopeless now, and I'm starting to get really lonely now that I don't have a girlfriend, or friends for that matter. I haven't got a job either, so I never really interact with anyone. I really don't know what I should do now.

Just been referred to the Intensive home healthcare team. Basically means a team of nurses visit me at home daily for a chat and some drugs. The perks of mental illness. These posts were made by me fyi. Don't need the pseudonym anymore: [QUOTE=penrose;40954077][QUOTE=penrose;40628771]I'm suicidally depresed and have been for 2 years. But cant talk to anyone about it for fear of being percieved as an attention seeker. If I could find a way of doing it without anyone ever finding out I'd have done it years ago. One day I'll just do it. Came close to just jumping in the canal the other day. just straight up inhale the water[/QUOTE] Genuinely concerned that I'm not gonna make it through the night. I'm in the UK does this class as an emergency and can I get hospitalised for my own protection[/QUOTE]

Since I need to vent, I've had this crush on this really cute girl thats IRL for the past 2-3 years or so, but I didn't do anything with it because I already had a loving online girlfriend but the recent months, we've been fighting ruthlessly, nothing seems to be helping it, we've tried polyamory because we've been experimenting and stuff, we can't stop our fighting and now I'm stuck in this middle of the road, where I still love my girlfriend but I also want to try getting to know my crush more, and possibly getting to date her if she would ever like me back (yeah right). I have no idea what to do anymore. I love my girlfriend dearly but nomatter what we do, we cant seem to stop the fighting. I'm also desperate for loving contact, the last time I got loving contact from a family member or anyone really special to me was 2 years ago when it was a hug from my mother a few weeks before she died. I am desperate for someone to cuddle with me, hug me, and kiss me. Why must I be crossed between a woman I love but fighting with constantly and a woman that is closer to me which could become my girlfriend if she ever liked me back and I could have the loving contact I yearn for. I need help and I don't know what to do. [B]EDIT:[/B]Forgot to also mention how my girlfriend is also getting a crush on a woman that has a crush for my girlfriend at her work, the woman even asked if she could kiss my girlfriend, my girlfriend is also having the same problems to some extents

Sorry if this seems small compared to other posts here - I just want some help. Just last week I moved out of my hometown and into a dorm in Boston. I was nervous for the change, but especially worried about having to make all new friends. So far, though, everyone I've met has been really great and I've had a good time talking to the other students. Here's the thing: As soon as I stop hanging out with someone (and this has happened for as long as I can remember) I become really fucking sad. I don't particularly like myself, and, while I know I'm not an unbearable dick, I still can't imagine others like being around me. I want to make the most of my time here educationally and socially, but I can't see me doing that until I accept myself. Can anyone offer some advice on getting to be okay with who you are?

Something good happened. For those who don't know, I spent 16 days in a mental ward last November due to strong suicidal ideations and attempted suicide. There was a really fun, neat girl who was there that I quickly became friends with - we liked the same TV shows, the same music, and we were both gay. We talked about our problems together and helped each other - I'd say she helped me with my problems more than any of the counselors there did. I mention this because she just friended me on Facebook and we chatted for 4 hours straight. We're planning on meeting up at some point. I'm so fucking happy that I'm tearing up.

Bigass vent dump, I've been needing to do this for a while. Why do I even fucking try? I'll complain about being lonely and do nothing to stop it or help it. I met a real nice girl at school who seems into me as well, but I'm too much of a fucking pussy to properly ask her our or anything like that. I don't know anymore, is all this worth it truly? I don't even know what I want to do after high school, and I'm going into my final year. I'm not good at anything at all, and I mean this. I tried writing, but that fell through when I discovered I sucked at it. I'm the most disposable human on the face of the earth, and I'm too much of a bitch to do something about it. I'm unable to get over the death of my mother from 8 years ago, and every day I still feel like it was just yesterday that she died. Shouldn't that go away after a while? I cry almost daily from the sorrow and grief. I don't think I lived up to her standards, and that tears me up inside too. She wanted me to be successful, and I'm just stuck in the past. I hate what I've become. Fat, lazy, stupid beyond belief, and a depressed neurotic. People like me don't deserve to breathe the air, let alone be allowed into society to be worthless and unwanted.

god I'm so miserable it's been 4 months since my ex broke up and I still miss her like crazy. still want to cry over her every now and then. I was hoping that medicine was going to make me less depressed about it, but no. my dose had to be upped and we're considering to give me even more. not only that, but signs of schizophrenia have been starting to emerge as well so now I've gotten medicine for that as well I've met so many other girls recently but I compare every single one of them with my ex. it feels like no one can fill the empty void my ex left me. no one is like her. I make it even worse as well, because when I get depressed over her I check her instagram and twitter, which makes me miss her even more. but it hurts to not check as well, ughghhg. feels like she broke up yesterday, I'd still do anything to get her back. the solution for it? simple, get over her. but how? how can I replace her? nothing is like her! I'm having thoughts which are not even mine who comments on how terrible I am, why I'm miserable and all that negative stuff. even if I come with a logical explanation behind things, the voice says the opposite, then I get unsure about myself because I don't know if those thoughts are mine or not...

[QUOTE=PredGD;42101905]god I'm so miserable it's been 4 months since my ex broke up and I still miss her like crazy. still want to cry over her every now and then. I was hoping that medicine was going to make me less depressed about it, but no. my dose had to be upped and we're considering to give me even more. not only that, but signs of schizophrenia have been starting to emerge as well so now I've gotten medicine for that as well I've met so many other girls recently but I compare every single one of them with my ex. it feels like no one can fill the empty void my ex left me. no one is like her. I make it even worse as well, because when I get depressed over her I check her instagram and twitter, which makes me miss her even more. but it hurts to not check as well, ughghhg. feels like she broke up yesterday, I'd still do anything to get her back. the solution for it? simple, get over her. but how? how can I replace her? nothing is like her! I'm having thoughts which are not even mine who comments on how terrible I am, why I'm miserable and all that negative stuff. even if I come with a logical explanation behind things, the voice says the opposite, then I get unsure about myself because I don't know if those thoughts are mine or not...[/QUOTE] About the whole you have to check her social networks. I was exactly the same, until I read something that changed it, the quote was something like "professionals believe that it takes on average 26 days to get rid of a habit". So why did that stop me? It was a bad habit to keep checking her Twitter, etc. And seeing as I know for a fact we will never talk again, what is the point? It's just self-torture (maybe a bit dramatic). So when I found out it would take 26 days to get to the point where I would no longer need to check up on her, I accepted that challenge. This may all sound like complete bullshit, but I just thought I'd chip in and try to help. Remember man, she is not part of your life anymore. And you know when I miss her or a certain memory about her? I think about it for a little while, but then I go ahead and think "Shit, you're 18, you have so much ahead of you. Holy fuck, you'll be married some day". And that's how you need to think too, trust me, when you meet someone new, and they happen to be the person who is right for you, then you will look back to this point in your life and just laugh. Trust me, all this is temporary, you may have to stick through all this shit for now, but one day it will be worth it. I really hope I helped.

I doubt even a Tulpa would like me. I don't like me.

I can't remember the last time I was truly happy to be alive. Everyday just seems like constant worrying, fear, and depression or some mix of those emotions. For years, I thought it was just because of my stagnation that was the root of my problem, but now I'm not so sure. Recently, in the past two years, I've made some strides forward. I've been employed part time for over a year now, I only recently started driving at the age of 23, I just started community college, and I've even managed to lose some weight since the beginning of they year (~45 pounds). All said and done though, I still feel empty inside. When I'm not stressing out, I just feel apathetic towards everything. I'm still disgusted with my body, and it doesn't look like I've changed one iota despite what the scale says. Work is at best dull and at worse soul crushing (The only upside is getting to interact with anyone around my age). And College seems eerily familiar to high school, with the exception that it feels more impersonal and cold. If anything, it seems like I've grown more miserable as I've taken more opportunities on my plate, the same opportunities that I had hoped would be key to aiding my emotional distress. The closest I can come to understanding the cause of my suffering is because the "ideal" me, the "Jordan" I want to be, is completely contradictory to my who I am now. To become that person would mean to abandon everything that defines me currently, which is a scary thought, which seems an impossible task...and one I'm not sure I'm willing to undertake. Change is not inherently good or bad, and if I make any attempt to change myself, what's to say I'll like the person I become anymore then what I am now? I just wish that one day, I could wake up with a sense of optimism, maybe that my experience isn't going to be a terrible one. The scary thing is, I possess enough self awareness to realize this is partially due to my own brain. I think I've grown so used to being miserable that it's natural to me. Happiness just rolls off me no matter how desperately I try to hold onto it, experienced only in the moment; while I cling to everything bad and let it hang over my head constantly until some new catastrophe replaces it's spot. So that's been life the past couple of years. I really feel like I need some psychiatric help, and have for a long time. I just don't know if I'd be able to afford it, or where to seek it. I barely make enough to help my family and pay for necessities, so I fear it's going to have to sit on the back burner for a long while to come.

To everyone who is depressed, I just want to share a little something that I found and has helped me. I won't go into detail, but people who are depressed often are lacking in both omega-3 and B vitamins, which can seriously reduce your mood to say the least. I have been taking both of these in liquid and pill form, and I can say that combined with positive thinking, they have really kicked in, I hope this can help someone else too, as there is a lot of research that says it could well help someone. Just to let you know, I take the following daily, which is recommended to fight depression: Fish oil - This gives me 1000mg of EPA which significantly helps, and it is said that between 1000-2000 EPA is effective in helping depression. 100mg Vitamin B complex - The dose in this is very high, but its been said that taking a strong vitamin B complex can also help you a lot, just make sure its not the shit you buy from supermarkets, this will set you back around £10 per 50 pills, but for me, it has been worth it. As for myself, I'm getting better guys, I think it's mostly to do with the supplements I've been taking, and partly to do with my own mental state, as I now think more positively and know the shit I am going through is only temporary. I wish you all the best of luck, and I really hope that I have provided a solution (or at least help) towards being happy again!

[QUOTE=Inspector Jones;42124245]I can't remember the last time I was truly happy to be alive. Everyday just seems like constant worrying, fear, and depression or some mix of those emotions. For years, I thought it was just because of my stagnation that was the root of my problem, but now I'm not so sure. Recently, in the past two years, I've made some strides forward. I've been employed part time for over a year now, I only recently started driving at the age of 23, I just started community college, and I've even managed to lose some weight since the beginning of they year (~45 pounds). All said and done though, I still feel empty inside. When I'm not stressing out, I just feel apathetic towards everything. I'm still disgusted with my body, and it doesn't look like I've changed one iota despite what the scale says. Work is at best dull and at worse soul crushing (The only upside is getting to interact with anyone around my age). And College seems eerily familiar to high school, with the exception that it feels more impersonal and cold. If anything, it seems like I've grown more miserable as I've taken more opportunities on my plate, the same opportunities that I had hoped would be key to aiding my emotional distress. The closest I can come to understanding the cause of my suffering is because the "ideal" me, the "Jordan" I want to be, is completely contradictory to my who I am now. To become that person would mean to abandon everything that defines me currently, which is a scary thought, which seems an impossible task...and one I'm not sure I'm willing to undertake. Change is not inherently good or bad, and if I make any attempt to change myself, what's to say I'll like the person I become anymore then what I am now? I just wish that one day, I could wake up with a sense of optimism, maybe that my experience isn't going to be a terrible one. The scary thing is, I possess enough self awareness to realize this is partially due to my own brain. I think I've grown so used to being miserable that it's natural to me. Happiness just rolls off me no matter how desperately I try to hold onto it, experienced only in the moment; while I cling to everything bad and let it hang over my head constantly until some new catastrophe replaces it's spot. So that's been life the past couple of years. I really feel like I need some psychiatric help, and have for a long time. I just don't know if I'd be able to afford it, or where to seek it. I barely make enough to help my family and pay for necessities, so I fear it's going to have to sit on the back burner for a long while to come.[/QUOTE]I don't have any advice to give but I'll tell you this, that was written really well I would have no idea how to express myself in words the way you did if I was in your shoes.

For a while I've had up and down days but now it feels like all downs. I've never been able to get over losing a girl no matter what people tell me or how long they say it'll take. I don't want to feel like this forever but I don't know how to fix this. I hear people say they get over break ups in weeks or months but I'm still not. Is something wrong with me?

I had that for a while when me and my ex broke up. But I'm much more independent now, and I'm starting to be happier even when I'm alone. Even though I can get sad when I'm lonely. Even when I was in a relationship I was incapable of being independent, and the same counts before I was in a relationship, because I was desperate for one. What I can say to you is to do a self-assessment to see if you have dependent personality disorder. Just Google it and see, at least that would be able to give you a better insight of things.

When your hairs greased to all hell and body smells of farts but can't face the exertion to rectify it

[QUOTE=AltUser;42135240]I had that for a while when me and my ex broke up. But I'm much more independent now, and I'm starting to be happier even when I'm alone. Even though I can get sad when I'm lonely. Even when I was in a relationship I was incapable of being independent, and the same counts before I was in a relationship, because I was desperate for one. What I can say to you is to do a self-assessment to see if you have dependent personality disorder. Just Google it and see, at least that would be able to give you a better insight of things.[/QUOTE] I can pretty much tell you right away I don't have that, but I'll try it. I like independence, even that relationship kinda fell into my lap with a good friend I fell in love with. [editline]9th September 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=AltUser;42135240]I had that for a while when me and my ex broke up. But I'm much more independent now, and I'm starting to be happier even when I'm alone. Even though I can get sad when I'm lonely. Even when I was in a relationship I was incapable of being independent, and the same counts before I was in a relationship, because I was desperate for one. What I can say to you is to do a self-assessment to see if you have dependent personality disorder. Just Google it and see, at least that would be able to give you a better insight of things.[/QUOTE] Well the test I found, inaccurate as it may be, scored me the lowest on that compared to some other things, so I think I'm okay for that. [editline]3[/editline] Just slept for eighteen hours

Ah, I just thought I'd mention it, just in case you did end up having it. How long ago did you and this relationship end, and how long did it last?

[QUOTE=AltUser;42146321]Ah, I just thought I'd mention it, just in case you did end up having it. How long ago did you and this relationship end, and how long did it last?[/QUOTE] Lasted about a year, ended over a year and a half ago.

Ah man, its been a long time. So when you really think about it, is it the girl that you miss, or the actual relationship? Because you may find that its just that you could miss the special thing that you had, but you might not miss the person that much anymore. [editline]10th September 2013[/editline] Also, could it all be due to something else? Such as depression which is fairly common, as you mentioned having a lot of down days.

[QUOTE=AltUser;42147110]Ah man, its been a long time. So when you really think about it, is it the girl that you miss, or the actual relationship? Because you may find that its just that you could miss the special thing that you had, but you might not miss the person that much anymore. [editline]10th September 2013[/editline] Also, could it all be due to something else? Such as depression which is fairly common, as you mentioned having a lot of down days.[/QUOTE] I guess I shouldn't say it's all that, there's other things of course, but this is the biggest. And I can't know for sure, but I think it's the girl. I'm still kind of friends with her and I'm sure still in love with her. And yeah, I know it's been a long time. I want to be over this very badly. She's all I can think about sometimes though. I just wanna get on with my fucking life.

Do you mean you think it may be due to depression or something? And it may be hard, but keeping her around is going to prolong everything, I of all people know that, it may be really hard but you should cut all ties with her. Explain it to her of course, that you still may love her, and you can't get over her, and then you need to make sure that you do whatever it takes to just completely cut her out of your life. Such as deleting her from anything like Facebook, and not talking to her anymore. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I was ever strong enough to do that. For me, it got to the point where something massive come between us which made it so that we will never talk again. You need to trust me on this one. I spent half a year hung up over my ex before we were together because she friendzoned me. And after we broke up and kept talking, it was impossible to get over her. But right now we haven't spoken in around a month, and I really am starting to feel better and am finally getting over her. This is all your call though.

[QUOTE=AltUser;42147686]Do you mean you think it may be due to depression or something? And it may be hard, but keeping her around is going to prolong everything, I of all people know that, it may be really hard but you should cut all ties with her. Explain it to her of course, that you still may love her, and you can't get over her, and then you need to make sure that you do whatever it takes to just completely cut her out of your life. Such as deleting her from anything like Facebook, and not talking to her anymore. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I was ever strong enough to do that. For me, it got to the point where something massive come between us which made it so that we will never talk again. You need to trust me on this one. I spent half a year hung up over my ex before we were together because she friendzoned me. And after we broke up and kept talking, it was impossible to get over her. But right now we haven't spoken in around a month, and I really am starting to feel better and am finally getting over her. This is all your call though.[/QUOTE] I don't think I can do that. I care about her beyond just love, we were close friends before. I can't just cut off ties. I appreciate the advice but yeah I really just can't do that. [editline]3[/editline] She hangs out on websites I go to a lot, she's a high enough profile artist that I see her stuff all over the place, just a ton of stuff that would remind me of her if I stopped talking to her. I tried to cut off ties once a year ago, I got through a month. At first it was great, I felt so liberated, but a few weeks in when that high wore off she started popping up in my mind and it just kept getting worse until I talked to her again, god that sounds pathetic doesn't it.

It doesn't sound pathetic at all, I've been there myself. Maybe, just maybe you could talk to her about this if you're close enough friends right now? Maybe she would understand too, I'm not sure. If you feel like you can't just stop talking to her then that is fine, I just think that from experience, no matter how much you care about that person, you're just hurting yourself.

I don't think I'm strong enough a person to just stop being in contact with her. Again I appreciate the advice though.

That's no problem, just give talking to her about how you feel some thought if you haven't already.

[QUOTE=AltUser;42148220]That's no problem, just give talking to her about how you feel some thought if you haven't already.[/QUOTE] I have, we've talked about it before, it just goes between I love you omg and I don't feel the same way anymore sry

So I met a girl who's really nice to me. She's pretty, smart, and we're alike in so many ways. I got the balls to ask her out and she said yes, along with "Can I bring my boyfriend?" I'm fucking done. Don't I deserve somebody of my own? Why is it that everybody has someone to love, but I haven't heard the words "I love you," in months? I know I'm overreacting, but I'm tired of rejection and failure. I'm tried of having nobody to talk to, nobody to hang out with, nobody to enjoy life with.