Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;42744337]Wait did I really display homosexual tendencies that much lmao[/QUOTE] It was more like you made some posts that were so insecure-sounding and/or anti-gay that once or twice I was like "I bet that kid is in the closet" tbh i didn't think i would turn out to be right

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;42745856]It was more like you made some posts that were so insecure-sounding and/or anti-gay that once or twice I was like "I bet that kid is in the closet" tbh i didn't think i would turn out to be right[/QUOTE] I'm still like that lol Basically I think it's nobody's buisness when it comes to sexuality because "who cares"

I've been going after this one girl for quite a while now. She has bailed twice on plans we've had. I know that I should probably stop trying to go after her, but she really wants to be friends, and it's just making me want her more. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I've probably missed every chance I've had to go out with her, but I still want her.

I'm gonna be hanging in the Steam Group chat for a little while. I'll be there if anyone wants to get something off their chest. That place needs some activity anyway, right?

Fuck. I just did the third all nighter this semester to finish an essay. I fucking hate myself. I need to stop this shit. But, it's so hard to quit this habit. It's starting to really get a hold of me, and I'm feeling the effects of it. It's 5:20 right now, and I have class at 8. So, I won't be able to sleep for another 5 hours. Fuck everything. I'm about to pass out right now.

My friends never want to do anything with me anymore, even talk. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. There should be an instruction manual for this.

This is going to be a long post, but it'll help me relax, and it might help someone going through similar stuff. I just found out I have Generalized Social Anxiety Disorder. I've already been diagnosed with Major Depression by the way. The diagnosis made me feel a bit better, especially because everyone I know has basically told me I had to just "do it", meaning talk to people or go to a party or whatever and work with these problems myself, which was not the right course of action. I couldn't deal with my irrational anxiety by myself, and knowing I shouldn't have to is making me feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. So, I'm going to put on new meds that will hopefully make me feel better and not be such a shut-in, and I'm eventually going to go to CBT therapy as soon as I find someone in-network for my insurance. Here's how I can to this state. I felt like killing myself a few nights ago. There was a party going on in my dorm, and I didn't want to leave my room. I have such an intense fear of how other people will perceive and judge me, that I'll act in an embarrassing way, that I'll feel anxiety or have a panic attack (even though just thinking about it gives me intense anxiety), so I never left. I could hear people laughing it up and being happy, my roommate brought his girlfriend into our room and was macking on her which pissed me off but I kept it to myself, and I was just horribly depressed. I felt like I was just inferior to everyone else, that I wasn't fit to have a girlfriend because of my shyness, and that I was going to die alone and afraid after a long life of intense pain and anxiety. I felt weak and useless because I wasn't some socialite who loved to get wasted and party. I felt like my anxiety was causing me to become a hermit, and even though I wouldn't enjoy partying or talking to people I didn't know just the ability to be at a party without dying would have been nice. I was horribly lonely due to the couples I saw, all happy and loving. Even if they had their own problems, they had each other, and I was jealous of that status and warmth these people had, that someone cared for them and valued their existence and wanted to be one with them. I wanted to be loved, I was tired of the fear I felt and I felt hopeless and that things would never get better. I didn't have a plan to kill myself, and I probably never would/never will, but I really wanted to just die right there and then, because I felt like my life had lost meaning and it was only going to suck more from then on. I eventually just broke down in tears. So, I called my psychiatrist. She calmed me down, kept me rational and discussed changing my medication. I see her Wednesday, but she's having me wean off my current medication while taking something to help ease the transition to new medication. Getting help is the best thing you can do when you feel like you want to die. Trusting your therapist, psychiatrist, whatever is being proactive towards getting better. I guess I should give some advice, even though I'm not the best to do so. If you have intense fear of being judged or acting in an embarrassing way, feel intense anxiety because of it, and feel alone because of it, you're not alone. It's not something you have to deal with by yourself, and it'll get better if you're proactive about getting help, I guess. There will be times when you'll want to die, but 9 times out of 10 it's either chemical or distorted thinking due to a stress in your life. I'm atheist, which is one of the few reasons I never offed myself, because I feel like this is the only life I've got, so I might as well hold on and see if something novel happens. I know that when you want to die people will guilt you about how selfish it is to do that, but just remember that even if they're saying something that's just going to make you feel trapped with no way out, try to imagine that their heart's in the right place but they're just spewing the first thing that comes to their head instead of feeling what you're going through. I know it sucks to have to wait for things to get better, but try to focus on the little steps you can make to start to get your life back on track, like making an appointment to see a psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist or something. When you're feeling the worst, just focus on the fact that it's just a chemical process in your brain temporarily and going haywire, and if it was working how it should normally work you wouldn't feel this way. Plus, it can be fixed. That doesn't mean it's all chemical though, the thoughts you think affect the way you feel, and vice-versa. Try to meditate (as dumb as that might sound to some). Focus on some white noise, either an air conditioner, a hair dryer, something off the computer, rain, whatever. When you focus on it and just repeat the sound in your head it drains out your thoughts. Try something new, either a new food, drink, game, book, movie, even changing your chair or as radical as your environment helps. Variety is the spice of life. I know how shitty and cliche this sounds, but it does get better. I like to think of life as an arcade. Sure, you might not get on the high-score list of a machine, but every game level is a challenge that can be overcome and every day you'll make more progress. Sometimes the controls don't work right. But that can be fixed. Sometimes you'll try to do something and your player character doesn't act the way you want, and something unexpectedly bad happens. But you've got plenty of quarters to try again. Sometimes it feels like you're stuck on a level you can't beat, and just want to give up and leave. But then somebody else comes along and helps you get by, either a friend, parent or repairman who gives you coins, strategy, or fixes the broken machine. Eventually you'll beat a machine and move onto the next one, and maybe this time you'll get a second player to help out. Player 2 might swap around with other people in the arcade, and sometimes people aren't going to want to play the same machine as you for many reasons beyond your control. But eventually you'll find someone who'll just match up with you just fine, and you'll blast through all the levels and finish each machine one by one until it's time to cash in your prize tickets. I guess that might be a shitty analogy, but I'm hoping it helps. And I'm hoping my story might make other people feel like they're not alone. ------------------- EDIT I also might want to point out if you think your therapist isn't helping or your psychiatrist doesn't care, get a new one! They're not all the same, they're people just like us. Some suck, some actually care about your well-being. I found one that actually gave me her personal cell phone to call when I'm depressed, and she's been helping me with my struggles.

First term is over. I have a failure in 2 out of 4 classes, English with 42% and Geography with 48% I'm going to make a prediction right that my father is going to start assuming dumb shit and my mother is just going to follow along.

I never post here but I'm gonna join the group if that's ok. I've been getting worse and my therapist is out of town and I feel like I'm burdening my friends if I talk to them about my problems.

English teacher tried to give me slack because I couldn't write an essay about friends. Said I could do something on computers instead. Completely fucking frustrated me. You think I [i]want[/i] my life to revolve around computers? You think I like it??

Hey I updated the logo on the steam group. [img]http://i.imgur.com/ZnoqyB6.png[/img] [url]http://steamcommunity.com/gid/103582791434780157[/url] Looking for moderators and ideas for a rule list.

I have a serious procrastination problem. It's not your typical procrastination, it's advanced crippling procrastination that ruins my life and turns me into a dumb, worthless sack of shit. As soon as I start doing something I immediately lose focus. I go on the internet or grab my Kindle and start reading something, or start listening to music, or when just start staring at the window with a really dumb expression. Because of this I am depressed a lot. I'm almost 20 already and I've accomplished jack shit in my life. I have little to no self control and I can't finish whatever I've started Maybe you'll say this isn't that much of a serious problem, that's what everybody else always says when I talk to them about it, but this is really ruining my life and driving me nuts. And I can't do anything about it

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;42788309]I have a serious procrastination problem. It's not your typical procrastination, it's advanced crippling procrastination that ruins my life and turns me into a dumb, worthless sack of shit. As soon as I start doing something I immediately lose focus. I go on the internet or grab my Kindle and start reading something, or start listening to music, or when just start staring at the window with a really dumb expression. Because of this I am depressed a lot. I'm almost 20 already and I've accomplished jack shit in my life. I have little to no self control and I can't finish whatever I've started Maybe you'll say this isn't that much of a serious problem, that's what everybody else always says when I talk to them about it, but this is really ruining my life and driving me nuts. And I can't do anything about it[/QUOTE] I'm there, or close to there, right now as well. I just turned 21 and the lack of motivation or focus on things I want to do is just awful. A few weeks ago I visited a career counselor with whom I shared this issue with, and she surmised I was afraid of failing at whatever project I wanted to do. That seemed to fit, I tend to be very critical of myself and I generally stack the deck against me when it comes to projects, even if it's just the thought that no one would like it. (Which, for creative things, I then translate into people not liking [i]me[/i], which you can probably guess does wonders for my self-esteem.) I don't know if that's the same for you, but I can attest that the procrastination part is a serious problem. All I can say right now is try to find the root of it all. Are you afraid of failing? Hell, are you afraid of success? (Generally, it's not the success part but more of all the stuff that comes with it, can be seen as stressful or unwanted by plenty of people.) Or maybe it's just not in your interest?

I believe I've finally found out what the hell is wrong in my life. I've been struggling with life for quite some time because I'll go into spouts of depression or anxiety over seemingly nothing. I have maldaptive perfectionism and I believe it's starting to lead into OCD. I have the whole "all or nothing" feeling constantly and it makes almost everything very difficult. When I get into something, I have to fucking dedicated myself to it or I give up because if I don't learn it perfectly or if I don't meet a certain skill level by some point I feel like I'm making a mistake and I give up. This is extremely hard for keeping a hobby; I love acting but I never got into it (until this year) because I always felt like I wouldn't have a perfect performance in front of a crowd. Hell, I'm getting depressed and straying into suicidal thoughts just because of a girl who I think is a little cute; I obsess over what I can do or even say to her over and over and over every time I see her and it's fucking terrible. What does this sound like to you guys? Should I get some help, or should I just kinda try and work it out for myself. It also causes me to procrastinate because I underestimate deadlines and if I'm going to do a project, I better do it fucking right or it's going in incomplete, unfinished, or I'll just finish it and feel like it's the worst I've ever done. I'm even worrying about how I write this paragraph because I'm afraid I won't convey my message correctly with the right use of words (which makes AP Lang a struggle as I have to write an essay in 40 minutes which is fucking AWFUL.)

[QUOTE=Gar;42791249]I'm there, or close to there, right now as well. I just turned 21 and the lack of motivation or focus on things I want to do is just awful. A few weeks ago I visited a career counselor with whom I shared this issue with, and she surmised I was afraid of failing at whatever project I wanted to do. That seemed to fit, I tend to be very critical of myself and I generally stack the deck against me when it comes to projects, even if it's just the thought that no one would like it. (Which, for creative things, I then translate into people not liking [i]me[/i], which you can probably guess does wonders for my self-esteem.) I don't know if that's the same for you, but I can attest that the procrastination part is a serious problem. All I can say right now is try to find the root of it all. Are you afraid of failing? Hell, are you afraid of success? (Generally, it's not the success part but more of all the stuff that comes with it, can be seen as stressful or unwanted by plenty of people.) Or maybe it's just not in your interest?[/QUOTE] Seems like it, but what do I do about it?

[QUOTE=pentium;42780024]English teacher tried to give me slack because I couldn't write an essay about friends. Said I could do something on computers instead. Completely fucking frustrated me. You think I [i]want[/i] my life to revolve around computers? You think I like it??[/QUOTE] I know this feeling as well; instead of talking with me about what's always got me down, and what can be done, my mom just blames every bit of my awkwardness and lack of focus on my constantly being online. It stinks having no offline friends.

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;42795201]Seems like it, but what do I do about it?[/QUOTE] I share a similar issue with similar symptoms, based on your report. Mind easily drifts away, and keeping it tied down long enough is like trying to hold onto an umbrella in a typhoon. In my case, a friend of mine had been insisting that I had ADD for the longest time but I never gave much thought to his diagnosis on account of his lack of professional training. When it became a (serious) problem in college I sought help from a psychiatrist and he also diagnosed me with ADD. I'm waiting on a prescription for that now. None of this implies that you have ADD. Don't ever risk self-diagnosis. However, if your focus starts having a serious impact on your grades, your happiness, or your sanity (and believe me it can) then keep an open mind to seeking professional assistance. It's one of the big perks of living in this day and age, you know? 11th century peasants or whatever never even dreamed of this shit, make use of it if you even think you need it. Trust me, and I mean trust me, it's a way better option than letting your grades plummet while you try to tough it out on your own.

[QUOTE=Raxas;42795721]I share a similar issue with similar symptoms, based on your report. Mind easily drifts away, and keeping it tied down long enough is like trying to hold onto an umbrella in a typhoon. In my case, a friend of mine had been insisting that I had ADD for the longest time but I never gave much thought to his diagnosis on account of his lack of professional training. When it became a (serious) problem in college I sought help from a psychiatrist and he also diagnosed me with ADD. I'm waiting on a prescription for that now. None of this implies that you have ADD. Don't ever risk self-diagnosis. However, if your focus starts having a serious impact on your grades, your happiness, or your sanity (and believe me it can) then keep an open mind to seeking professional assistance. It's one of the big perks of living in this day and age, you know? 11th century peasants or whatever never even dreamed of this shit, make use of it if you even think you need it. Trust me, and I mean trust me, it's a way better option than letting your grades plummet while you try to tough it out on your own.[/QUOTE] What if I do have ADD? Will I have to take meds and shit? Like Ritalin or whatever?

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;42795876]What if I do have ADD? Will I have to take meds and shit? Like Ritalin or whatever?[/QUOTE] Well you don't HAVE to do anything. Seeking that kinda treatment is your decision. If you do meet the requirements for diagnosis, it's entirely possible that your psychiatrist could recommend a prescription. Take it, refuse it, up to you. Some people don't like the idea of chemicals tweaking their brains. Personally I don't give a damn, I'll skin a coyote if it helps me pass calculus. Though, if I'm straight honest, I can't yet vouch for their effectiveness, since I'm still waiting for the prescription to be mailed in. But hey, a professional wrote me up for it so there must be something to it, right? Mostly, I would just warn against self-diagnosis. Often times you'll see people who believe they have this condition or that illness that they'll start to develop more symptoms out of some sort of placebo effect gone wrong. Let the professionals tell you what's wrong (if anything!), not some schmuck on Facepunch. :v: If they tells you that pills will help, then you have that option! Or maybe they'll recommend something else. The most important thing is to be seeking to correct and alleviate the things that bother or hinder you.

I've been thinking of suicide lately. I haven't been talking about it to anyone here because I just feel like an attention whore. I don't know what the hell to do anymore.

I don't really see why anyone would think that. If posting helps, go ahead, by all means.

Wanted to call a friend up and ask what he was doing tomorrow. Then I realized everyone has left town. They're probably too busy with their new jobs and families anyways.

[QUOTE=Krinkels;42801687]I don't really see why anyone would think that. If posting helps, go ahead, by all means.[/QUOTE] idk compared to the issues other people have, my issues are petty.

For all the lonely people: If you excpect to die alone, laugh, then slap yourself. What kind of spirit is that? You have to realize, that in a fucking world with 7 billion inhabitants, dying alone is almost impossible even if you would try. So cheer the fuck up, you aren't to live a lonely life and die alone, hell fucking no you wont.

[QUOTE=LVL FACTORY;42812930]For all the lonely people: If you excpect to die alone, laugh, then slap yourself. What kind of spirit is that? You have to realize, that in a fucking world with 7 billion inhabitants, dying alone is almost impossible even if you would try. So cheer the fuck up, you aren't to live a lonely life and die alone, hell fucking no you wont.[/QUOTE] I realize that you probably have good intentions, and I can't speak for everyone else here, but I've heard that about a thousand times from other people.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;42812825]idk compared to the issues other people have, my issues are petty.[/QUOTE] It's not a contest.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;42812825]idk compared to the issues other people have, my issues are petty.[/QUOTE] it doesn't matter if a persons issues are weird, small, huge or whatever it might be. it always comes down to the person who experiences it. something which is bothering you could most likely throw someone else off the edge, and someone else probably wouldn't be too affected.

[QUOTE=PredGD;42813773]it doesn't matter if a persons issues are weird, small, huge or whatever it might be. it always comes down to the person who experiences it. something which is bothering you could most likely throw someone else off the edge, and someone else probably wouldn't be too affected.[/QUOTE] Probably because I'm thin skinned. My father says so, but then again he doesn't know how to communicate with people properly. One of the embarrassing issues that I have is that I care too much about what people think sometimes. For example, when people try to insult me I usually ignore them, but you start to be concerned when a lot of people call you something, such as autistic. I don't have autism or anything of the sort, but sometimes you start doubting yourself. Which leads to another issue, a lot of facepunchers really hate me :v:. Yeah I know it's the internet, and who cares what people think ect ect but for some reason this issue affects me. I guess I am thin skinned. [editline]9th November 2013[/editline] Also related an recent, I dislike it when people get the wrong idea of me. Though then again they could be right and I could just be in denial so

[QUOTE=PredGD;42813773]it doesn't matter if a persons issues are weird, small, huge or whatever it might be. it always comes down to the person who experiences it. something which is bothering you could most likely throw someone else off the edge, and someone else probably wouldn't be too affected.[/QUOTE] While this is true we can also compare our situations to similar ones that other people find themself in. This is helpful because it gives us insight into things such as..."How are they coping with it?" "They didn't get this angry/sad/guilty/etc. about it so why did I?" among others.

[QUOTE=The First 11'er;42793835]I believe I've finally found out what the hell is wrong in my life. I've been struggling with life for quite some time because I'll go into spouts of depression or anxiety over seemingly nothing. I have maldaptive perfectionism and I believe it's starting to lead into OCD. I have the whole "all or nothing" feeling constantly and it makes almost everything very difficult. When I get into something, I have to fucking dedicated myself to it or I give up because if I don't learn it perfectly or if I don't meet a certain skill level by some point I feel like I'm making a mistake and I give up. This is extremely hard for keeping a hobby; I love acting but I never got into it (until this year) because I always felt like I wouldn't have a perfect performance in front of a crowd. Hell, I'm getting depressed and straying into suicidal thoughts just because of a girl who I think is a little cute; I obsess over what I can do or even say to her over and over and over every time I see her and it's fucking terrible. What does this sound like to you guys? Should I get some help, or should I just kinda try and work it out for myself. It also causes me to procrastinate because I underestimate deadlines and if I'm going to do a project, I better do it fucking right or it's going in incomplete, unfinished, or I'll just finish it and feel like it's the worst I've ever done. I'm even worrying about how I write this paragraph because I'm afraid I won't convey my message correctly with the right use of words (which makes AP Lang a struggle as I have to write an essay in 40 minutes which is fucking AWFUL.)[/QUOTE] I've been in the same position all my life, now 19. This has become a very serious issue for me, too. I have become my own victim. It will get worse if you let it be. I assume that if you have come this far to post your concerns then you're not too sunken into your OCD for knowing you need some help. I bet you see details others don't, and this is good. Here is some advice from my experience: Come to accept this more as a gift, rather than a curse. If you fight for perfection, then why not take control of your life to be great? However, recognize what "perfection" is for you and what is ideal. Know moderation. I know those don't exactly help as much as I want to believe they would, and I should probably retire from giving advice. However, you're probably looking for tools to help combat against this, right? Too bad I've retired. Misplaced jokes aside, if you haven't gone into it too deeply, and if you do not have anyone else to talk to, a therapist or life counselor could help you sort yourself out. It'll also be nice to know you have some company, too. Also, I found this recently and it taught me a bit: [url]http://viewonbuddhism.org/depression.html[/url] I don't know how far it'll go for you (or anyone else that may view it), but I thought someone might appreciate it.