Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I've been having some "faith issues" lately. I am currently agnostic, I think. I don't know if there is or isn't a god and I don't care. But ever since my depression, I've been thinking about if there is a purpose to all this. Is this all just an experiment or test made out by some greater being? Are we all just in some sort of hell for our behavior in past lives? Are we just part of a long running joke? Why are we even here? I honestly just don't see a purpose to all this.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;43097561]I've been having some "faith issues" lately. I am currently agnostic, I think. I don't know if there is or isn't a god and I don't care. But ever since my depression, I've been thinking about if there is a purpose to all this. Is this all just an experiment or test made out by some greater being? Are we all just in some sort of hell for our behavior in past lives? Are we just part of a long running joke? Why are we even here? I honestly just don't see a purpose to all this.[/QUOTE] Life is like a sandbox game: It gets boring and repetitive without direction, despite any intentions the game developer imposes. Except you're trapped. You have to make your own purposes, or find it. You have to figure out what you enjoy doing.

The past few days I have gone back and forth with loading my rifle, and putting under my chin. Its weird to step back and realize that I have such a good life... Yet I want to just blow my head off, and hit the abyss. The only thing that's stopped me is the fact that I keep telling myself that I don't deserve a painless death... I haven't earned the right to it. Dropped out of highschool after being in it for two months, barley understand simple math and science, I have a hardtime finishing any projects I start, and overall I just haven't earned the right to something which is so quick and painless. And every time I try to finish or fix something, my head starts getting this loud exploding noise combined up with this irritating vibrating noise. It has been so fucking constant its driving me insane.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;43098380]The past few days I have gone back and forth with loading my rifle, and putting under my chin. Its weird to step back and realize that I have such a good life... Yet I want to just blow my head off, and hit the abyss. The only thing that's stopped me is the fact that I keep telling myself that I don't deserve a painless death... I haven't earned the right to it. Dropped out of highschool after being in it for two months, barley understand simple math and science, I have a hardtime finishing any projects I start, and overall I just haven't earned the right to something which is so quick and painless. And every time I try to finish or fix something, my head starts getting this loud exploding noise combined up with this irritating vibrating noise. It has been so fucking constant its driving me insane.[/QUOTE] I want you to seriously consider going to the hospital. You are in serious pain and need help.

[QUOTE=Whomobile;42909905]For fucks sake, today I had a driving test so I booked a few driving lessons to get ready and was going to use the driving instructor's car. Turns out the office fucked up the times and I ended up missing a lesson beforehand and had to drive down to the licensing center with my dad at the last minute to use another instructor's car that I wasn't familiar with (it was also older and more rickety). I ended up failing for a [U]fourth[/U] time because I was so stressed out. I'm really pissed off at myself because I know I could have passed, but I was so panicked I couldn't focus on driving. I even messed up the tester's instructions sometimes. I'm 20 next week and I still don't have a licence despite the fact I drive reasonably well, this is really starting to get to me. Almost everyone I know is driving and I'm starting to lose contact with a lot of people because I can't get out without asking for a lift. It's probably nothing compare to what some of you guys are going though but I just need to vent a bit.[/QUOTE] Just thought I would update on this and say I did pass recently. pretty stoked about it but I still have to wait 6 months and fill in a log book before I get my P plates. now thats out of my hair I'll probably start trying to catch up with old friends, I don't go out and catch up with people as often as I would like to. Just out of curiosity, how many people here use Facebook? I remember putting it off until late High school and I sort of regret doing so because I missed out on a lot of socialising.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;43098380]The past few days I have gone back and forth with loading my rifle, and putting under my chin. Its weird to step back and realize that I have such a good life... Yet I want to just blow my head off, and hit the abyss. The only thing that's stopped me is the fact that I keep telling myself that I don't deserve a painless death... I haven't earned the right to it. Dropped out of highschool after being in it for two months, barley understand simple math and science, I have a hardtime finishing any projects I start, and overall I just haven't earned the right to something which is so quick and painless. And every time I try to finish or fix something, my head starts getting this loud exploding noise combined up with this irritating vibrating noise. It has been so fucking constant its driving me insane.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;43098922]I want you to seriously consider going to the hospital. You are in serious pain and need help.[/QUOTE] This. [b]Please[/b] go to a hospital [b]immediately[/b]. You need to be stabilized at least, or in a situation where you don't have the possibility to kill yourself. If you need to go to a mental hospital, there's that option too. I've heard good things about them, and I'm going to go out.

I've had a tremendous week from about Sunday through about Wednesday, and then it all crashed down. Someone in the Bitcoin thread said something along the lines of any deviation form the mean just bounces back to the average, and that's how I feel right now: Had some great fun and it all came back to fucking my self hatred. It culminated in me being outsmarted by the installation of a doorknob, and it reminded me of a very fitting bit by Jim Norton [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MraZLFL_qcc[/media]

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43104301]I've had a tremendous week from about Sunday through about Wednesday, and then it all crashed down. Someone in the Bitcoin thread said something along the lines of any deviation form the mean just bounces back to the average, and that's how I feel right now: Had some great fun and it all came back to fucking my self hatred. It culminated in me being outsmarted by the installation of a doorknob, and it reminded me of a very fitting bit by Jim Norton [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MraZLFL_qcc[/media][/QUOTE] This happened to me a lot this summer. Any time the bad feelings come about, try to focus on the fun times, and any good feeling you felt then. Don't get caught up on the fact that your mood is fluctuating, accept that it can/has happened, and again focus on the good times. What about them made them fun [u]for you[/u]? What can you do to feel like that again? Maybe try to make some plans for doing whatever makes you happy.

The only thing that's gotten me through the past few years is venting to people, very nice people, who've since gone. That and comedy.

[QUOTE=ZenX2;43104554]This happened to me a lot this summer. Any time the bad feelings come about, try to focus on the fun times, and any good feeling you felt then. Don't get caught up on the fact that your mood is fluctuating, accept that it can/has happened, and again focus on the good times. What about them made them fun [u]for you[/u]? What can you do to feel like that again? Maybe try to make some plans for doing whatever makes you happy.[/QUOTE] The problem with that, is that I can't fucking get that feeling back. There's a lot of stuff I can't get into, but it boils down to my incompetence and antisocial tendencies that got me out of the good. If it wasn't the latter, it was the problem that if someone gets past the fucking fortress of my apathy and emotionlessness, you get to the little bit of me that cares, and that fucking flows out like a tidal wave so I (for what I can ascertain) cared too much.

so I was just told to hang myself in another thread, most likely in a jokingly manner, but it got me really upset. idk why, most likely because I'm suicidal and have tried hanging myself before, overdosing on pills and tried starving myself to death. I want to die and hearing that you should hang yourself isn't really the coolest thing to hear. "but it's just the internet!!" I don't care, it's enough to get upset about if you have nothing but the internet as your "friend". if you're reading this, I have no grudges towards you because of it, but it was really upsetting and uncomfortable to read for me [editline]8th December 2013[/editline] maybe I should hang myself, fuck this shit

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43104301]I've had a tremendous week from about Sunday through about Wednesday, and then it all crashed down. Someone in the Bitcoin thread said something along the lines of any deviation form the mean just bounces back to the average, and that's how I feel right now: Had some great fun and it all came back to fucking my self hatred. It culminated in me being outsmarted by the installation of a doorknob, and it reminded me of a very fitting bit by Jim Norton [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MraZLFL_qcc[/media][/QUOTE] Happens to me all the time. This combined with my inability to concentrate on anything is driving me crazy

[QUOTE=PredGD;43111640]so I was just told to hang myself in another thread, most likely in a jokingly manner, but it got me really upset. idk why, most likely because I'm suicidal and have tried hanging myself before, overdosing on pills and tried starving myself to death. I want to die and hearing that you should hang yourself isn't really the coolest thing to hear. "but it's just the internet!!" I don't care, it's enough to get upset about if you have nothing but the internet as your "friend". if you're reading this, I have no grudges towards you because of it, but it was really upsetting and uncomfortable to read for me [editline]8th December 2013[/editline] maybe I should hang myself, fuck this shit[/QUOTE] Please don't. "Go hang yourself" has become a generic internet insult, I guarantee that he doesn't know you're depressed and if he did he would take it back in a heartbeat.

[QUOTE=PredGD;43111640]so I was just told to hang myself in another thread, most likely in a jokingly manner, but it got me really upset. idk why, most likely because I'm suicidal and have tried hanging myself before, overdosing on pills and tried starving myself to death. I want to die and hearing that you should hang yourself isn't really the coolest thing to hear. "but it's just the internet!!" I don't care, it's enough to get upset about if you have nothing but the internet as your "friend". if you're reading this, I have no grudges towards you because of it, but it was really upsetting and uncomfortable to read for me [editline]8th December 2013[/editline] maybe I should hang myself, fuck this shit[/QUOTE] hang in there it'll get better

BigDumbAmerican just totally demolished me after I came out and admitted that I'm defective, then fucking mocked my mental instability, rubbing in that I'll never have kids or any of that joy in my life. The fuck do I do now?

[QUOTE=MIPS;43119502]BigDumbAmerican just totally demolished me after I came out and admitted that I'm defective, then fucking mocked my mental instability, rubbing in that I'll never have kids or any of that joy in my life. The fuck do I do now?[/QUOTE] I don't get the context for this. What happened? Defective?

I just started going to gym and exercising, and I think it's really helped me a lot (been going for about a month and half now). If anyone here has the opportunity to go with people (friends, roommates, etc.) I would definitely recommend trying it.

[QUOTE=Jookia;43119736]I don't get the context for this. What happened? Defective?[/QUOTE] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1331902&p=43119199&highlight=#post43119199[/url] seriously, what a fucking dick, I thought he was a chill dude

that's a incredibly shitty thing to throw out in the public like that. my respect for BDA just went down the drain

[QUOTE=Jookia;43119736]I don't get the context for this. What happened? Defective?[/QUOTE] Now I'm all flustered because I cried about it. Forget what I said. It's the internet. Everyone has an opinion. He probably didn't mean it.

MIPS and pentium are the same person...?

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;43098380]The past few days I have gone back and forth with loading my rifle, and putting under my chin. Its weird to step back and realize that I have such a good life... Yet I want to just blow my head off, and hit the abyss. The only thing that's stopped me is the fact that I keep telling myself that I don't deserve a painless death... I haven't earned the right to it. Dropped out of highschool after being in it for two months, barley understand simple math and science, I have a hardtime finishing any projects I start, and overall I just haven't earned the right to something which is so quick and painless. And every time I try to finish or fix something, my head starts getting this loud exploding noise combined up with this irritating vibrating noise. It has been so fucking constant its driving me insane.[/QUOTE] Don't kill yourself you'll never play HL3 if you do :v:

[QUOTE=Leader of Me;43004215]I had a bad experience on weed a couple of months ago and I think it's triggered depersonalization, derealization and dissociation. It sucks so bad, my vision feels weird and it's video game like, I also feel unreal and it's hard to focus on things. Dreams feel weird and I just don't know how to feel right now. It sucks so bad and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I have bad OCD as well and I don't know if I'm just obsessing, over analyzing and fixating on something because last year I thought there was something stuck in my throat because I felt like every time I swallowed it only went down on the left side of my throat, it turned out I was just obsessing over it. I need help guys I really don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] Just go to the doctor and explain the situation. The right meds will help.

so I left the house today, and I regret it, badly. I fucking hate myself. Why am I so obsessed with how I walk, how I stand, how I speak, how I eat, etc etc? Why am I not involved in my friends conversations? Why do I sit next to them, looking like an idiot? Why am I so alone? I want to die, but I dont want to die a painful death. I don't care about what happens after and I don't care about what people will think of me, this SHIT is NOT fixable. Either I fucking accept it or fucking end my own life. And I do NOT want to fucking accept a shitty life like this. I'll be a pussy and do it the easy way, fuck this shit. No one is gonna care anyway, no one loves me. Not even I [editline]9th December 2013[/editline] Know what? Won't take this shit anymore, will get through with this when I get home. Fucking hell, fuck everyone and their fucking lies about missing me and so on. Fucking bullshit

[QUOTE=PredGD;43122802]Why am I so alone? I want to die, but I dont want to die a painful death. I don't care about what happens after and I don't care about what people will think of me, this SHIT is NOT fixable.[/QUOTE] I don't want to be the guy that gives out generic advice that seemingly doesn't do jack shit but I have to. It can get better. I don't know the extent of how much you feel bad but you need to stay strong. Have you tried seeking outside professional help? If not, please do. I'm telling you, shit like this can be better.

Nothing works, I'm on my anti depressants, I want to hole up and die, this shit isn't fucking worth it

[QUOTE=PredGD;43122916]Nothing works, I'm on my anti depressants, I want to hole up and die, this shit isn't fucking worth it[/QUOTE] Have you tried counselling before? If a counselor doesn't seem to be working, it's good, no, great to request another counselor. Yeah you're right, shit like constant self-hatred isn't worth it. Don't let it beat you and remember that it's possible, to overcome that shit without committing suicide. [editline]9th December 2013[/editline] Also, if the anti-depressants don't seem to be going anything, you should mention this to your GP if you haven't already man.

[QUOTE=kimchimafia;43122950]Have you tried counselling before? If a counselor doesn't seem to be working, it's good, no, great to request another counselor. Yeah you're right, shit like constant self-hatred isn't worth it. Don't let it beat you and remember that it's possible, to overcome that shit without committing suicide. [editline]9th December 2013[/editline] Also, if the anti-depressants don't seem to be going anything, you should mention this to your GP if you haven't already man.[/QUOTE] yeah I should probably tell her. oh man, finally calmed down a little. things feel a little better. gonna have to take this to my shrink so that we can do something about it

That's the spirit man, keep your chin up.

Welp, I'm depressed, it runs in my family so it was inevitable. Didn't even realize how fucking terrible it is, I hate this feeling, I'm just so out of energy and I can hardly smile anymore. Everything is such a chore. Not to mention it was brought on by one of the most retarded things ever. UGH