Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I've never posted here before, I just stalk this thread from time to time. I mostly try to post on Facepunch only when I'm in a positive mood or when it's for a positive reason, and right now I feel fairly good. However, I've been depressed for about a year now, it comes and goes daily, weekly, etc. I've been feeling suicidal, I've cut myself, and I've been going to therapy. I speak occasionally about my feelings with my parents and more often with my boyfriend and it helps to vent these feelings a lot. There are days where it's really [i]really[/i] bad, and the only thing that's on my mind is that I should kill myself because I'm worthless, I'm pathetic, I'm ugly, the list goes on. It's an awful feeling that lingers in my mind, but then it goes away. And then it comes back, and so on. But I'm not really here to post about my problems, because as I said I'm in more of a positive mood currently, but I wouldn't be surprised if I return to this thread on one of my bad days. I just wanted to come here and speak to anyone who feels like they need somebody to talk to. I see suicidal/depression posts on Facepunch every now and then and it makes me feel pretty bad. I can empathize with most of you, even though our problems and source of the depression may be different, we're still feeling the same awful feelings and hearing the same negative thoughts. I see a lot of people talk about how they have nobody to speak with, they're driving their friends away and that they're all alone. This really makes me feel sad and like I want to reach out and do something, but I don't know if I can or should. But here I am typing this post anyways. I'm not a therapist, I don't have infinite knowledge about the human mind, and I can only say or do so much for you, but I suppose it's better than nothing. I know most of you already use this thread as a means to vent and that may work well enough, but I thought that some of you might feel like talking or just playing a game together. If that doesn't sound any good to you then I understand. I went through a pretty rough period where I didn't want to do anything at all, but eventually that passed. I'm sure I'm not the first person to make this sort of post and hopefully not the last, I don't know if anyone will actually add me or care, but if you feel like giving it a shot, just hit me up on steam. I see a lot of people talking about how they feel like they're in a dead end with nowhere else to go and that they want to end it all. I think the fact that you're posting about this and reaching out says otherwise about you.

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43105327][QUOTE=ZenX2;43104554]This happened to me a lot this summer. Any time the bad feelings come about, try to focus on the fun times, and any good feeling you felt then. Don't get caught up on the fact that your mood is fluctuating, accept that it can/has happened, and again focus on the good times. What about them made them fun [u]for you[/u]? What can you do to feel like that again? Maybe try to make some plans for doing whatever makes you happy.[/QUOTE] The problem with that, is that I can't fucking get that feeling back. There's a lot of stuff I can't get into, but it boils down to my incompetence and antisocial tendencies that got me out of the good. If it wasn't the latter, it was the problem that if someone gets past the fucking fortress of my apathy and emotionlessness, you get to the little bit of me that cares, and that fucking flows out like a tidal wave so I (for what I can ascertain) cared too much.[/QUOTE] I got what made me happy back again :) It now consumes all of my time, which I am okay with.

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43130071]I got what made me happy back again :) It now consumes all of my time, which I am okay with.[/QUOTE] To anyone that sees me post regularly they'll probably be sick of seeing me mention my interest in Warhammer and painting the models, but goddamn is it relaxing and fun. It's expensive and time consuming but buying a new kit and putting on some music while I build or paint it is just so relaxing. It's pretty materialistic but I'm really looking forward to getting some new sets for Christmas, it's just a great pick me up. It's like being a kid and getting a new LEGO set, you just can't help but smile.

I'm crazy or something, I'm so miserable all the time and I'm so afraid of losing people. I just had an argument with a friend about two hours ago.. I can't even remember half of it. I ask people for advice and vent to them, yet I never take their advice and they get mad at me for it. I'm so stubborn it's stupid. I'm so intense, my friends get so overwhelmed and eventually just snap at me, and we argue, or I'll get mad and just explode and say nasty things, it makes me feel like such a shitty person and I just want to jump off of a roof. I can't even remember many of these arguments because I just like.. zone out, it's all a blur, afterwards I just feel dead and like everything is in slow motion like I'm 5 seconds behind everything I don't really know what I want to do with my life, I don't know what I enjoy anymore or even who I "am", I don't know what I'm thinking half of the time, if I had a thought bubble above my head it would just show static. I'm lost. Sorry for the probably ranty incoherent post, I don't know how to explain any of this.

Some days I don't know why but I just cry the fuck out about everything. Like today, I saw some commercial and the couple in it was so happy together and I just bawled out my eyes like fuck. Does every person need a vent day or something?

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;43131504]Does every person need a vent day or something?[/QUOTE] I'd like to think so. Why else would we be here? Anyhow, ADD medication somehow has had a dramatic effect on my anxiety. I've mentioned it before so I won't go too much into it. As great as it works though, coming down is shitty. I'm not supposed to take more than one in any 24-hour period, and the pills last about 10 hours or so. When those ten hours are up, that part of me that never feels satisfied, that makes me uncomfortable with [i]any[/i] shortcoming (or rather, anything short of absolute perfect (or rather, anything)), that part of me that just blankets me with worry and depression comes back and tries to make up for lost time. Supposedly the objective of the medication is not to make me reliant on the pills, but rather to establish a sort of state of mental being with the pills, and through continued usage, make that an inseparable part of standard, unmodified me. Here's hoping it stops being so glaringly separable in the coming future.

I feel so sorry for people who have to take medication for depression and hope that mine never gets that bad. My Dad takes them and the side-effects sound terrible.

[QUOTE=Diago21;43131977]I feel so sorry for people who have to take medication for depression and hope that mine never gets that bad. My Dad takes them and the side-effects sound terrible.[/QUOTE] yeah they're pretty terrible and I would love to get off mine. my mouth is often dry, my insomnia has been getting worse after I begun taking them, I'm a lot more nervous now than before, my anxiety is worse, I often feel dizzy, I'm sweating a lot more, yawning a lot more and I've started thinking abnormal. suppose these are the things you gotta live with if you want to become a little less depressed

[QUOTE=PredGD;43132057]yeah they're pretty terrible and I would love to get off mine. my mouth is often dry, my insomnia has been getting worse after I begun taking them, I'm a lot more nervous now than before, my anxiety is worse, I often feel dizzy, I'm sweating a lot more, yawning a lot more and I've started thinking abnormal. suppose these are the things you gotta live with if you want to become a little less depressed[/QUOTE] I've heard that for a lot of people they don't even work, I don't think I'd bother with them unless I was feeling seriously suicidal.

[QUOTE=Diago21;43132088]I've heard that for a lot of people they don't even work, I don't think I'd bother with them unless I was feeling seriously suicidal.[/QUOTE] I can kinda say the same, it's a weird feeling tbh. I don't feel it if I take them, but the moment I stop taking them I'm much more prone to panicking and feeling a lot more down than usual. so the help I'm getting from them is kinda not noticeable unless I stop taking them

[QUOTE=PredGD;43132123]I can kinda say the same, it's a weird feeling tbh. I don't feel it if I take them, but the moment I stop taking them I'm much more prone to panicking and feeling a lot more down than usual. so the help I'm getting from them is kinda not noticeable unless I stop taking them[/QUOTE] Yeah, they're really flawed in the sense that you can't just suddenly stop taking them one day without severe and possible side effects. You kind of get locked into a viscous cycle of sorts :/

I am depressed. I am an unhealthy person. I am in a weird relationship with another crazy person and that has only made it worse, but it's not so simple as just cutting all ties and walking away. I do not even know what I am living for anymore. :words:

[QUOTE=Diago21;43132181]Yeah, they're really flawed in the sense that you can't just suddenly stop taking them one day without severe and possible side effects. You kind of get locked into a viscous cycle of sorts :/[/QUOTE] I once stopped taking my meds for a few days and had this symptom that I now know is called "brain zaps." It felt like a pulsing wave of flowing through my head. It wasn't painful, but it was extremely uncomfortable and made standing and walking difficult. Point is, getting off meds is not something that should be done cold turkey. Your doctor can instruct you on how and when to stop, but it will probably take a week or more.

How badly can staying up most of the night for about a year be for one's health?

[QUOTE=Pvt. Martin;43132425]How badly can staying up most of the night for about a year be for one's health?[/QUOTE] As bad as you let it I mean, If you enjoy your time, I don't think it matters what your sleeping patterns are

[QUOTE=Pvt. Martin;43132425]How badly can staying up most of the night for about a year be for one's health?[/QUOTE] I think it was proven in a study that staying awake for extended periods does not actually affect your health in the long term. it's only if you stay awake long enough for it to kill you (which is pretty hard) it starts to get bad. there really is no middle point

[QUOTE=PredGD;43132496]I think it was proven in a study that staying awake for extended periods does not actually affect your health in the long term. it's only if you stay awake long enough for it to kill you (which is pretty hard) it starts to get bad. there really is no middle point[/QUOTE] Ok then, it's probably because I have Health Anxiety that I've been feeling ehh lately. That combined with winter.

I'll be seeing my therapist in two days, and I still don't know what I want to talk about. I mean, I want to talk about this transgender thing, but I don't know what to say. It's like forgetting all the answers to a big test right before you have it, even though you studied for days and days.

[QUOTE=PredGD;43122802]so I left the house today, and I regret it, badly. I fucking hate myself. Why am I so obsessed with how I walk, how I stand, how I speak, how I eat, etc etc? Why am I not involved in my friends conversations? Why do I sit next to them, looking like an idiot? Why am I so alone? I want to die, but I dont want to die a painful death. I don't care about what happens after and I don't care about what people will think of me, this SHIT is NOT fixable. Either I fucking accept it or fucking end my own life. And I do NOT want to fucking accept a shitty life like this. I'll be a pussy and do it the easy way, fuck this shit. No one is gonna care anyway, no one loves me. Not even I [editline]9th December 2013[/editline] Know what? Won't take this shit anymore, will get through with this when I get home. Fucking hell, fuck everyone and their fucking lies about missing me and so on. Fucking bullshit[/QUOTE] Is this because we told you there is shit in the food????

[QUOTE=LVL FACTORY;43137378]Is this because we told you there is shit in the food????[/QUOTE] yes I was very traumatized and wanted to end it because all food is disgusting

[QUOTE=PredGD;43122802]so I left the house today, and I regret it, badly. I fucking hate myself. Why am I so obsessed with how I walk, how I stand, how I speak, how I eat, etc etc? Why am I not involved in my friends conversations? Why do I sit next to them, looking like an idiot? Why am I so alone? I want to die, but I dont want to die a painful death. I don't care about what happens after and I don't care about what people will think of me, this SHIT is NOT fixable. Either I fucking accept it or fucking end my own life. And I do NOT want to fucking accept a shitty life like this. I'll be a pussy and do it the easy way, fuck this shit. No one is gonna care anyway, no one loves me. Not even I [editline]9th December 2013[/editline] Know what? Won't take this shit anymore, will get through with this when I get home. Fucking hell, fuck everyone and their fucking lies about missing me and so on. Fucking bullshit[/QUOTE] I don't know you much, but you're a good poster on Facepunch, one of my favorites actually. I can also relate to you because your depression sounds a lot like my own, except I'm not on meds yet. It got better for me recently though, so I hope it will for you too. I hope I don't sound like I'm lying because i'm saying all this sincerely

I don't have too much trouble leaving the house, mostly because I managed to finally get over my anxiety a few months back which literally made me vomit if I got too uncomfortable. It still creeps back sometimes but nowhere near as bad. You've really just got to work at getting rid of it, it takes a while but it works.

I'm changing my medication to Prozac because mine isn't really that effective. Also I almost flipped shit at someone for not agreeing with me lmao. Basically I said I didn't like this guy's personality/attitude and out of nowhere he said "I find him hot" and "He's pretty attractive" wtf does that have to do with anything.

[QUOTE=Raxas;43131835]I'd like to think so. Why else would we be here? Anyhow, ADD medication somehow has had a dramatic effect on my anxiety. I've mentioned it before so I won't go too much into it. As great as it works though, coming down is shitty. I'm not supposed to take more than one in any 24-hour period, and the pills last about 10 hours or so. When those ten hours are up, that part of me that never feels satisfied, that makes me uncomfortable with [i]any[/i] shortcoming (or rather, anything short of absolute perfect (or rather, anything)), that part of me that just blankets me with worry and depression comes back and tries to make up for lost time. Supposedly the objective of the medication is not to make me reliant on the pills, but rather to establish a sort of state of mental being with the pills, and through continued usage, make that an inseparable part of standard, unmodified me. Here's hoping it stops being so glaringly separable in the coming future.[/QUOTE] If you happen to be on concerta/ritalin/methylphenidate, talk to your doctor about trying out focalin/dexmethylphenidate. For me it's working really well and has much fewer side effects, and the comedown is much less shitty, it's almost unnoticeable compared to the unending brain fire and complete inability to think that concerta gave me.

[QUOTE=ZenX2;43142336]If you happen to be on concerta/ritalin/methylphenidate, talk to your doctor about trying out focalin/dexmethylphenidate. For me it's working really well and has much fewer side effects, and the comedown is much less shitty, it's almost unnoticeable compared to the unending brain fire and complete inability to think that concerta gave me.[/QUOTE] Actually I'm on [url=http://www.vyvanse.com]neither of those[/url], and I'd like to admit to a bit of an error. The "coming down" effect isn't always pronounced as it was when I wrote the post. Sometimes it isn't so bad, like today. I'll just go from good to less good. However, days like the one I posted about have happened more than once. Sometimes it's triggered (trying to do calculus homework, a subject [i]closely[/i] tied to my anxiety issues), sometimes it just plain happens. I don't know if I could ever call it a "unending brain fire and complete inability to think", thankfully. Because I still have issues staying focused and invested in classtime subjects, my doctor has recommended upping the dosage to see how that helps. So even if that does help my attention-span issue, if the "coming downs" become more frequent or worse, then perhaps Focalin would be worth looking into. I do like having options, I gotta say. Oh and [quote]talk to your doctor about trying out focalin[/quote] I can't help but read that in the "soothing male voice" used in all those medication commercials. :v:

Anyone got any suggestions for my situation? For the last 2 years, I've had worsening depression. At first I thought it was just from not really having friends in high school and moving away after graduating, but it's gotten steadily worse. I think it's been stemming from the insulting words I've been hearing from my family in that time period. For instance, I'm constantly reminded about that fact that despite being an adult, I still cannot drive, or that my minimal chores are ones that a 7 year old would have. I also expressed to her that I'd like to avoid taking medication for my depression, and that I just really want to her listen to what I have to say, and work things out. According to her self-diagnosis, I'm also autistic/ADHD, and after 5 years we haven't had me tested in the slightest. She also blames everything on me constantly being on the computer, but when you have people who'll listen to your thoughts and sometimes have a temporary solution to a problem (like just having somebody to talk to) and no friends close by to where we're living now, it helps to cope. Thankfully, my first semester of college went fine, so that's going right. Is there a key piece to this puzzle I'm missing?

wrecked my truck with no collision on my insurance. it was one of those vehicles where you're basically like "fuck man, its perfect". god damn snow storm comes out of nowhere and the guy blatantly stops for no reason and i slid right into him..fucking scared to even get into a vehicle anymore..haven't left the house in a couple of days got banged up pretty bad too..

I have just joined the group on Steam :)

what a defeat I get so upset by being inside all the time. so I thought to myself "hey, why not take a walk? you don't have to go meet up with your friends, just go for a walk ya know?". sounded like a pretty good idea to me. I don't have to be social, yet I can get out which I really want to. but then it happened. as stupid as it sounds, I looked at myself in the mirror after getting properly dressed and thought "ew...". what a defeat. I'm so tired of spending all day on my ass in front of this computer. the air is bad, I see no sunlight, I get so depressed.

I'm officially on Holidays for 2 months, I'm going to make an effort to see at least two people and do something with them each week. Good luck me lol