Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I haven't been here in ages! In the past few months I've stopped taking my anti-depressants, stopped drinking quite so much, and have gotten way happier. I've lost weight, started eating healthier and gaining muscle, finished my first semester of college with a 4.0, and made quite a few new friends. At the start of July, I was about as far away from here as I could possibly be. I tried to drink myself to death on a couple occasions, slit my wrists, and eventually got into an alcohol related rollover that almost killed me and put me in a psych ward for 5 days. Things [i]really[/i] do get better with a positive outlook and the willpower to get it done, guys.

[QUOTE=GreenLynx;43143196]Anyone got any suggestions for my situation? For the last 2 years, I've had worsening depression. At first I thought it was just from not really having friends in high school and moving away after graduating, but it's gotten steadily worse. I think it's been stemming from the insulting words I've been hearing from my family in that time period. For instance, I'm constantly reminded about that fact that despite being an adult, I still cannot drive, or that my minimal chores are ones that a 7 year old would have. I also expressed to her that I'd like to avoid taking medication for my depression, and that I just really want to her listen to what I have to say, and work things out. According to her self-diagnosis, I'm also autistic/ADHD, and after 5 years we haven't had me tested in the slightest. She also blames everything on me constantly being on the computer, but when you have people who'll listen to your thoughts and sometimes have a temporary solution to a problem (like just having somebody to talk to) and no friends close by to where we're living now, it helps to cope. Thankfully, my first semester of college went fine, so that's going right. Is there a key piece to this puzzle I'm missing?[/QUOTE] I know what that's like, I'm in much the same boat as you. I'm a highschool dropout, I'm 19, I don't drive, don't have a job. Its hard for me to get the motivation to move on in life when everything I could ever want is provided for me already ( food, a computer, internet ). The one thing that makes me want to get on with my life is my boyfriend who lives in Washington. I've recently promised myself I'd take the GED practice test soon so I can be allowed to take the official GED. Hopefully once that's done I can get a job and see about getting to visit him and see where life takes me from there.

[QUOTE=CountChocula651;43145667]I know what that's like, I'm in much the same boat as you. I'm a highschool dropout, I'm 19, I don't drive, don't have a job. Its hard for me to get the motivation to move on in life when everything I could ever want is provided for me already ( food, a computer, internet ). The one thing that makes me want to get on with my life is my boyfriend who lives in Washington. I've recently promised myself I'd take the GED practice test soon so I can be allowed to take the official GED. Hopefully once that's done I can get a job and see about getting to visit him and see where life takes me from there.[/QUOTE] Youch, sorry to hear that happened. :c I applaud you for going after your GED; I had a friend who wanted to drop out of high school for personal reasons and get a GED later, without knowing how much more difficult it could be to get a GED than to finish one last year of high school. Best of luck man.

[QUOTE=GreenLynx;43143196]Anyone got any suggestions for my situation? For the last 2 years, I've had worsening depression. At first I thought it was just from not really having friends in high school and moving away after graduating, but it's gotten steadily worse. I think it's been stemming from the insulting words I've been hearing from my family in that time period. For instance, I'm constantly reminded about that fact that despite being an adult, I still cannot drive, or that my minimal chores are ones that a 7 year old would have. I also expressed to her that I'd like to avoid taking medication for my depression, and that I just really want to her listen to what I have to say, and work things out. According to her self-diagnosis, I'm also autistic/ADHD, and after 5 years we haven't had me tested in the slightest. She also blames everything on me constantly being on the computer, but when you have people who'll listen to your thoughts and sometimes have a temporary solution to a problem (like just having somebody to talk to) and no friends close by to where we're living now, it helps to cope. Thankfully, my first semester of college went fine, so that's going right. Is there a key piece to this puzzle I'm missing?[/QUOTE] Well, we can't say it enough; none of us are professionals, so take anything we tell you with a grain of salt or two (maybe seven). HOWEVER, were I in your situation, I would try to give your family (if you you were referring to your mother, then her especially) a bit of space. This could mean finding a more personal organization system to remind you of anything that she usually does, finding someone to help you learn to drive so that you can do that independently, or anything independent, for that matter. Anything that they do for you, try to do for yourself. In my experience, this really takes a lot off the shoulders of parents. My parents are great to me, but if they ever seem tense or short of temper, all I have to do is back off, or do a chore that I don't normally do without being asked, and their moods improve tenfold. Don't be ashamed that you're not driving, by the way. I only got mine a couple months before I turned 19. If you really want to get your license though, go for it. Talk to someone, get them to help you get your permit (if you don't have it), find someone to teach you how. Just don't be ashamed about it. It should be so that you can be a more independent, capable, and free person, not because you have to 'catch up' or something. Same goes for your chores. If you think you're not doing as much as you can, do some more. Like I said, this'll probably improve your parents' disposition towards you quite a bit. And hey, if you're short on people to talk to, not only are we all here, but you're going to college, which is a terrific place to meet people. Clubs are your friend, man. If a high-school social outcast like myself could go to a college where I new no one, attend maybe one or two club meetings, and form a close group of friends that proved vital to the successes that I did have, friends that made me laugh and stuck with me, then there really can't be anything to it at all! Find a club about something you're interested in, and just go. And, in the meantime, we're always here.

Just as I was getting over this bout of depression something bad happens again and I relapse I can't get a fucking break.

Is it strange that I want to be social but I can't bring myself to message people on facebook to see what they're up to? It's been so long since I talked to some of them, I don't even think they would really care.

[QUOTE=Whomobile;43168604]Is it strange that I want to be social but I can't bring myself to message people on facebook to see what they're up to? It's been so long since I talked to some of them, I don't even think they would really care.[/QUOTE] nah man, I'm in the same situation. I'd love to be social, ask people to do stuff, etc etc, but I just can't bring myself to it. maybe it has been too long since we last talked? maybe we're not really friends anymore? maybe you find me weird? maybe there is a reason why you never contact me? am I bothering you if I say hi? am I nagging? list goes on.

I just wasted my entire year because of a small mistake and ended up missing something I wasn't supposed to miss at all, now the my entire year just went down the shitter, and well... fuck what else can I say, just god damnit, I just hate myself for doing this because it was very important to me and I worked the entire year towards this I just lost it all because of a small shitty typo and because I haven't double checked it and because I didn't talk to anybody about it because I don't really talk a whole lot to people to check what they're up to, and it is all my fault. It was a nice year because I managed to get over the most terrible depression I have been through and I could really say I was truly happy, but now with this shit that happened I am really fucking afraid of it coming back, fuck, I don't know what to do. Oh well there's always next year right? Gosh, I really hope so.

[QUOTE=PredGD;43168836]nah man, I'm in the same situation. I'd love to be social, ask people to do stuff, etc etc, but I just can't bring myself to it. maybe it has been too long since we last talked? maybe we're not really friends anymore? maybe you find me weird? maybe there is a reason why you never contact me? am I bothering you if I say hi? am I nagging? list goes on.[/QUOTE] You're overthinking it far too much. Yesterday, I messaged a girl I hadn't seen since Freshman year in high school (I'm in college now) and we had a pretty simple catching-up type of conversation. It's really not weird at all, and if someone honestly feels weird that you're talking to them, then they're not the type of person you should associate with.

My dog has cancer...fuck cancer fuck that shit. Shes only 9. I thought we had a few more years. And around fucking christmas. Fuck. I havent cried this hard in years.

I'm recovering again, after my mum lost it at me for being totally useless in the family because I'm doing my best to be good at school. She then wanted to transfer school on me because I spend to much time there. They don't know what have happened, they think I'm just a fucking prick, while I'm polishing their asses and being a nice kid. I'm usually home and I have been friends like 12 days out of a 100 and they think I'm always out partying, while I have been saying no to parties and drinking because I'm doing what they want me to do. Fucking I'm looking forward to be old enough to be my own man. I'm tired of them being like that, I wish I could just tell them that I've been so close to killing myself but then they will fucking be even more overprotective...

I forgot to take my new medication this morning I took my old ones at night, so now I'm just getting this really long but mild panic attack that's the most unpleasant thing in the world.

listening to old music really brings me back to the moment I used to listen to it. I've let my starred list on spotify keep playing for a while now, and I feel that my emotions are more heavily taking me down as I'm progressing through the list. I'm currently listening to what used to be my favorite song during the summer, when I was still really heartbroken because of my ex. I feel the same now, I miss her so much. I can't even bear to listen to around 300~ songs in my playlist because all of those songs were added during our relationship, when we used to flirt and after our relationship when I was heartbroken. is this weird? I can only listen to new music that I've recently discovered. everything else which I used to love brings me down, a lot. it feels like I'm set back in time to that very moment. all the feelings are coming back

It's not uncommon. I can listen to the song, but I usually don't because it brings back memories.

Dad's going in for a fifth surgery, I fucked up and ruined the thing that made me happy, and now I hate myself. Yay.

My anxiety's back, I don't think I can even do anything about it right now. Like I think I've said in here before I was depressed at the beginning of this year, didn't care about school, myself, or anything, got close to doing self harm (almost stuck my hands in boiling water, thank god i didn't). I had an acquaintance who I'd known for about a year but never really got to know them with any depth. May-June I ended up hanging out with them a few times, started talking and getting to know them. Around this time my depression significantly improved and I realized that spending time with people instead of sitting alone keeps me stable and happy. Especially with this one friend I was just getting to know. I developed some romantic feelings towards them, which drove me to make some hugely positive changes in my lifestyle. Turns out they have a bf already, so I push the feelings aside and I continue with just being friends with them. That hurt for a while but I ended up involved with someone else for a while (thanks to those lifestyle changes) and that mostly put out the intensity of the feelings. Life continues on, we get to be better friends, and my depression is completely in control. Then there's this period where we don't see each other for around 2.5 months. For part of this time, we ended up having very little communication and I was getting worried that they just like, decided to cut off from me and I was having some serious anxiety issues over it. It turned out that it was a number of coincidences that ended up making my life hell. I guess because of the circumstances of them being a driving force in me turning my life around, those romantic feelings, and everything else together I've put a lot of value in my friendship with this person. The whole thinking they had started to hate me thing and just wondering whether they valued me as close to how much I value them gave me piles of anxiety. When we did end up hanging out again we were sitting in her car talking and she told me that I'm one of her best friends. That cleared up a lot but at the same time it brought up my current set of problems. 8/10 I shoot them a text about hanging out or even just a generic "what's up" text I never get a response, not a "no", "not now", "i'll get back to you", "fuck off" or anything, just nothing. I don't know how often they'd care about hanging out with me. There's just too much stuff that I don't know that would make things easier if I did know it, because not knowing just causes anxiety when trying to do anything. I'd ask them about all this and get stuff straightened out make my life easier with less anxiety, but I want to do it in person, but when we do end up hanging out, we rarely get one-on-one time which is where I'd actually be able to bring it up (which is another problem in itself). If they weren't in my life I'd have less anxiety right now, but I'd also be depressed with my grades and life doing a nosedive straight down the shitter. I don't know if there's really advice to be given on this, I just needed to vent and get my thoughts straightened out.

I feel kinda bad posting about this here, because in comparison to most of the problems people here have it seems kinda petty, but my boyfriend suggested posting about it so I figured it couldn't hurt to have some other help, if it can be helped that is. So for some reason, and I'm not even sure what that reason is, I cannot start a conversation to save my life. Like I can talk about just about anything I'm interested in if someone else starts it, but for some reason I absolutely cannot start it. I've been trying to figure out what the problem is and it's wrecking my head, I can't figure this out. And this doesn't just happen with talking to new people, it happens when I try to talk to good friends. I'm pretty sure I'm not afraid, I really want to be able to talk to people but something holds me back every time. The worst is that because it's so wildly inexplicable it feels almost helpless. According to my mum it's some kind of Social Anxiety, I mean she's no doctor or anything but I'm pretty willing to take her word for it (which sounds a bit silly but y'know). The weird part is I'm perfectly capable of speaking in conversation, I can talk for ages about stuff I'm interested in. Though every time I've been able to, it's because the other person started the conversation. I cannot even bring myself to say Hi to old friends from School, and it's kind of upsetting. If anyone has any idea what's up with this, I'd really appreciate some kind of help, it's driving me absolutely mental. And sorry if it sounds a bit dumb or something, I just had to tell someone who could really help out.

Im depressed guys. The only family I have is my grandma, and my dickhead dad. I have 3 friends who barely like me. No one ever wants to talk to me on facebook, all my messages, posts go ignored. I even go ignored on dating sites. is there something wrong with me? or do i deserve to be ignored and lonely? all i want is someone to talk to and watch movies with...

[QUOTE=HeavyGuy;43198100]I feel kinda bad posting about this here, because in comparison to most of the problems people here have it seems kinda petty, but my boyfriend suggested posting about it so I figured it couldn't hurt to have some other help, if it can be helped that is. So for some reason, and I'm not even sure what that reason is, I cannot start a conversation to save my life. Like I can talk about just about anything I'm interested in if someone else starts it, but for some reason I absolutely cannot start it. I've been trying to figure out what the problem is and it's wrecking my head, I can't figure this out. And this doesn't just happen with talking to new people, it happens when I try to talk to good friends. I'm pretty sure I'm not afraid, I really want to be able to talk to people but something holds me back every time. The worst is that because it's so wildly inexplicable it feels almost helpless. According to my mum it's some kind of Social Anxiety, I mean she's no doctor or anything but I'm pretty willing to take her word for it (which sounds a bit silly but y'know). The weird part is I'm perfectly capable of speaking in conversation, I can talk for ages about stuff I'm interested in. Though every time I've been able to, it's because the other person started the conversation. I cannot even bring myself to say Hi to old friends from School, and it's kind of upsetting. If anyone has any idea what's up with this, I'd really appreciate some kind of help, it's driving me absolutely mental. And sorry if it sounds a bit dumb or something, I just had to tell someone who could really help out.[/QUOTE] Yeah that's a bit of social anxiety. What you need is practice doing it so you eventually get more comfortable with it. When you find yourself unable to start a conversation, say to yourself "I can do this" and try to get as far as you can with actually doing it. Even if you can barely manage to say hello, do the best you can that time and try to get a bit farther the next time. Also, you could try practicing starting conversations with your mom at home, pretending that she's someone else.

Not really looking for advice or anything just a quick thing to let out. I've had a pretty bad day so I tried to make someone happy cause I found a picture that reminded me of a girl who has a crush on me, she tells me it's spot on about her then asks me if I could stop because it's not helping her with her crush on me... Being depressed is shitty

Aaaaand relapse. Shit I can't keep doing this, I'm actively driving people away because of it.

[QUOTE=Diago21;43210451]Aaaaand relapse. Shit I can't keep doing this, I'm actively driving people away because of it.[/QUOTE] Shit, I know this feeling. One of my closest friends has blocked me for over a week because I said some stupid shit I really regret. It's the worst feeling ever.

[QUOTE=Jellyman;43212689]Shit, I know this feeling. One of my closest friends has blocked me for over a week because I said some stupid shit I really regret. It's the worst feeling ever.[/QUOTE] I feel you both. I (without getting into too many details because I have friends involved browsing FP) inadvertently made someone stop pursuing someone they were trying to get with for a few years. So now not only do I feel like shit due to normal reasons, but I feel like shit because I affected someone else. [editline]17th December 2013[/editline] I don't know why, but seeing Jeb wiggle his head right next to my posts in this thread makes me giggle

Even with all my medication I'm still feeling the hurt. I'm sitting in a windowless room, here in my parents absement. I'm surrounded by everything I know. Electronics, computers and A/V. I have next to no money, I barely have a working car, certified in nothing and completely unemployed because I can't juggle struggling through university prep courses and pumping gas. I've tried and failed to live on my own. I'm a complete failure to launch. Good thing I don't need to share my anxiety with friends. Either I spooked them away, they stopped talking to me or they completely stabbed me in the back. Then there's my sister. She and her husband flew in earlier this evening from their home in Sudbury where they have a car and all that fun stuff. Tomorrow they along with a group of her friends from highschool are travelling to Whistler for a four day snowboarding trip. After that it's home for christmas. Of course, she won't be here long because they have a plane to Beijing on the the 2nd. Two days there, then it's off for another two days in Shanghai. After that it's off to New Delhi for two weeks, then to Australia for two months followed by another two months in New Zealand. On the way back for the heck of it they'll stop in non-american Samoa to visit friends and then it's off to Hawaii before they fly back home sometime in May. You have to wonder where she and her husband got the money for half a year of vacation time but right now NEITHER have a job. His engineering firm laid him off and she's on-call at the hospital. You lucky fucker. You have everything. You've now travelled the entire goddamn world in less than five years. You had to leave ALL the problems with me. I was the broken one. I had to carry the burden you never got. Bitch, I have full regrets for not remaining an underdeveloped stillborn at birth. I now have to LIVE with this. Watching even the simplest things sit out of reach forever. ...and people wonder why I'm so fucked up. If I was a defective product I would of been returned and written off in the trash compactor already but no, you aren't ALLOWED to just sit in the car and let the fumes send you off to hell. Let em try and forget this by finishing off the gin.

Slowly all my friends are starting to ignore me, this is why I never vented to people, this is why I used to only listen.

[QUOTE=pentium;43221638]Even with all my medication I'm still feeling the hurt. I'm sitting in a windowless room, here in my parents absement. I'm surrounded by everything I know. Electronics, computers and A/V. I have next to no money, I barely have a working car, certified in nothing and completely unemployed because I can't juggle struggling through university prep courses and pumping gas. I've tried and failed to live on my own. I'm a complete failure to launch. Good thing I don't need to share my anxiety with friends. Either I spooked them away, they stopped talking to me or they completely stabbed me in the back. Then there's my sister. She and her husband flew in earlier this evening from their home in Sudbury where they have a car and all that fun stuff. Tomorrow they along with a group of her friends from highschool are travelling to Whistler for a four day snowboarding trip. After that it's home for christmas. Of course, she won't be here long because they have a plane to Beijing on the the 2nd. Two days there, then it's off for another two days in Shanghai. After that it's off to New Delhi for two weeks, then to Australia for two months followed by another two months in New Zealand. On the way back for the heck of it they'll stop in non-american Samoa to visit friends and then it's off to Hawaii before they fly back home sometime in May. You have to wonder where she and her husband got the money for half a year of vacation time but right now NEITHER have a job. His engineering firm laid him off and she's on-call at the hospital. You lucky fucker. You have everything. You've now travelled the entire goddamn world in less than five years. You had to leave ALL the problems with me. I was the broken one. I had to carry the burden you never got. Bitch, I have full regrets for not remaining an underdeveloped stillborn at birth. I now have to LIVE with this. Watching even the simplest things sit out of reach forever. ...and people wonder why I'm so fucked up. If I was a defective product I would of been returned and written off in the trash compactor already but no, you aren't ALLOWED to just sit in the car and let the fumes send you off to hell. Let em try and forget this by finishing off the gin.[/QUOTE] Did you just call your sister a bitch because she's more successful than you? Hating your sister because of her success, a class act. If you want to be happy you need to drop this tone and work towards what you want in life, because acting like this isn't going to help. Sorry for being kind of harsh but the fact is that responding with resentment is easy, yeah, but it's also an easy path down self destruction and you'll be worse off in the end, nevertheless I wish you the best in sorting out your situation and hope all goes well.

Oh man I really want to rant, but I feel it really has no place in this thread because of the tmi nature of it and I'm too afraid to post it. I can't count how many times I wanted to post a rant here, but I thought about how dumb the rant would sound on here.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;43233494]Oh man I really want to rant, but I feel it really has no place in this thread because of the tmi nature of it and I'm too afraid to post it. I can't count how many times I wanted to post a rant here, but I thought about how dumb the rant would sound on here.[/QUOTE] Well, if you need someone to talk to, you can add me on Steam. Not sure if I would be of any help but if you just need someone to listen, I can do that.

Why do I feel like the only normal person in my fucking city, I don't feel like I can relate to anyone I ever see because everyone my age is trying to be ~gangsterr~ or is a Realtree clad redneck or only ever talks about weed or alcohol. Are there people in this world who are normal, intelligent, with interests that don't involve ~420 smok wed errday~? I hope I'm being overly pessimistic or just not looking in the right places.

just got to know that I possibly suffer from aspergers. really down because of that. I thought I only was some socially awkward dude, now I'm possibly mentally retarded as well my stepfather and mother stopped me as I was making myself some dinner. they mentioned that I should read up on aspergers because they had been doing that and apparently I fit well in there. I've had ticks my entire life which emerges whenever I'm excited or happy. due to feeling weird and people taking notice of it in my earlier years I got ashamed of it and I've managed to hide it now. it still feels really weird and I get incredibly restless if a tick is supposed to come and I resist it with every nerve and muscle in my body. what are my ticks? I flail my arms, really embarrassing. I also have ticks in my neck at times. whenever I'm alone I let go though, but it's somewhat manageable compared to before. instead of flailing my arms like crazy today, I start trembling in my arms, legs and my body in general. another thing is my extreme obsession with one thing, and that is computers. I have no interest in other things. a thing which really surprised me when I read about it is how I structure my sentences and use words. I usually use complicated words instead of their simpler, more normal variant. I've never liked it myself and I've tried to get out of that habit but have never succeeded in doing that. people take note of it, I don't like it. I don't want to sound like some sort of "badass" when I say this but I have always had a hard time understanding tragedies and other peoples emotions. I know how they feel, theoretically, but I just can't feel the same things or properly show any empathy. I have no clue what to do since I don't really understand, and I never have. I know it's dumb to say but I've never understood why 9/11 was so bad. it was just a building and a dozen of people dying. I know it's a big tragedy but that's how I view it with my own emotion. same with what happened in norway with anders behring breivik who detonated a bomb in Oslo. it was just a bomb, it was just some people dying, it was just people getting hurt. it's a tragedy, I know, but I just can't see it with my own emotions. but at the same time I know it's wrong, I know I should feel something about it, but I just can't. I'm reading that people with aspergers also quickly learn language and that jazz. which is true, I was one of the first who learned how to properly structure english sentences in elementary school. same goes for norwegian, I quickly learned how to type and structure sentences. I find myself fitting in with alexithymia. I don't know what I feel, I feel empty yet I feel so sad, so bored, so mad, so happy. I don't know why, I don't know how to describe it, I don't know nothing. I just am happy, sad or mad whenever I am it. after hearing this from my parents I've felt really weird. I feel retarded. I feel weird. I don't feel normal. I don't feel human I'm not self diagnosing myself here, just throwing up similarities I have with the syndrome. I'll mention all this to my shrink as well so we can look further into it.