Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;43233494]Oh man I really want to rant, but I feel it really has no place in this thread because of the tmi nature of it and I'm too afraid to post it. I can't count how many times I wanted to post a rant here, but I thought about how dumb the rant would sound on here.[/QUOTE] As Gar said, if you need help I'm here; add me on Steam. I'm not that good at, you know, [I]helping,[/I] but if you just want to talk [I]at[/I] someone, I'm your dude.

I don't even care if I die anymore, whats the point.

[QUOTE=Gar;43233550]Well, if you need someone to talk to, you can add me on Steam. Not sure if I would be of any help but if you just need someone to listen, I can do that.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Dacheet;43243647]As Gar said, if you need help I'm here; add me on Steam. I'm not that good at, you know, [I]helping,[/I] but if you just want to talk [I]at[/I] someone, I'm your dude.[/QUOTE] I should of said my rant involves bitching about porn lmao. It doesn't involve "unwanted errections" or erectile dysfunction or anything serious such as that. It's pathetic and doesn't really compare to some of the serious issues here, but it's just so bothersome to me because it's so hilariously inconvenient. It's funny and angering at the same time I don't know this feeling.

Decided to take an offer to be driven down to Vancouver. Negotiated with a friend of a former friend that I could sleep on his couch for four days at the cost of some of my electronics, booze and a few things he wanted. Get up at 9, spend 13 hours a day roaming the city and text him at 11PM to open the door so I can go to bed, rinse and repeat. Tried to get over the fact I was essentially homeless in Vancouver and this evening bought a pizza and tried to take it back to the house. Arrived at the door, sent the text and waited. Began wondering how I went from happy with my life to freezing in a snowy alcove with a box of cold pizza in my hands. I lost my composure again. He answered the door something like twenty or thirty minutes later to me crying on the ground in a pile of pizza. This medication isn't helping. I want to die.

So, hey guys. I never posted here before but lately I became extremely depressed of what has happened around me. My girlfriend ignores me, my friend has tried to commit suicide twice within a week now and I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be depressed anymore, I'm supposed to make people happy and if I can't everything falls. I know it's most probably not the worst thing ever but I feel like I'm a worthless asshole now and shouldn't talk to people anymore because I'll just make them depressed. Fuck me.

[video=youtube;-eBUcBfkVCo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVCo[/video] As someone with a depressive disorder, I found this very interesting.

An interesting talk I found on suicide and suicide prevention [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfYJE-qCVaM[/media]

This isn't going to work. How do psychiatric facilities justify closing until the new year? I was supposed to have my first appointment with a therapist a week ago but I ended up in the nut house for choking down on a 9mm. Now I hear I can't get a single doctor until Jan 16th. To be honest, I don't have any hopes to make it to then. Today I did so well I was surprised with myself, then tonight I lost my girlfriend's keys and got frustrated with myself enough to want to play in traffic. The pills don't help. I told the nurses at the psychiatric ward countless times 'all I need is sleep'. I was diagnosed with major depression and insomnia so they gave me a stimulant and told me to stop taking my sleeping medication and to never even smoke weed to sleep. I honestly just want to go. I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend how mad I am she threw away the gun. I feel trapped somewhere I just don't want to be anymore.

My OCD has gotten to such a point where I am finding it hard to even browse the internet without having to do some sort of compulsion, life sucks at the moment.

so i started taking vitamins hoping that it might alleviate some symptoms of my social anxiety and bipolar disorder the other day when i was very suicidal. since i don't have medicaid until the first i gotta do what i can i guess. i take 9g fish oil(250mg omega-3 per gram), 4000 i.u. vitamin D, and 800 i.u. vitamin E(mostly cuz it's an antioxidant but i think it might have mental health benefit). the vitamin D seems like a lot and if i start to get any negative effect i will cease using it. however, i also hardly get direct sunlight since it's overcast every damn day so it might not be too much. i noticed a short hypomanic episode followed by a quick decline to what is close to "normal" or "baseline" for me as soon as i started taking them. it's only been a few days so i can't comment on any long term effect but it seems to be at least moderately helpful for helping me fight the depression that i was going through. also i got some valerian extract for anxiety. each capsule is 800mg. it says take 1 for daytime usage, take 2 for nighttime usage. i decided to take 3 to see if i could get a prominent or noticeable effect to make sure it's not some bunk shit. i noticed 3 seemed to feel like taking half of a dose of lorazepam. the effect sure is subtle enough to be placebo, but it's strong enough that i'm not completely cynical about it. i take 2 a day now before doing anything that would normally cause anxiety. again, it's only been a few days so i can't comment on anything long-term, but it seems hopeful. take this info however you want. maybe some of you guys might get some sort of benefit from taking some supplements. consult a doctor first(unless you can't afford one, like me) or w/e. i'll give an update on january 1st with some more completely subjective data before i get a script for mood stabilizers and possibly a real benzodiazepine that will fuck up any and all analysis of my supplement intake.

[QUOTE=yawmwen;43269849]so i started taking vitamins hoping that it might alleviate some symptoms of my social anxiety and bipolar disorder the other day when i was very suicidal. since i don't have medicaid until the first i gotta do what i can i guess. i take 9g fish oil(250mg omega-3 per gram), 4000 i.u. vitamin D, and 800 i.u. vitamin E(mostly cuz it's an antioxidant but i think it might have mental health benefit). the vitamin D seems like a lot and if i start to get any negative effect i will cease using it. however, i also hardly get direct sunlight since it's overcast every damn day so it might not be too much. i noticed a short hypomanic episode followed by a quick decline to what is close to "normal" or "baseline" for me as soon as i started taking them. it's only been a few days so i can't comment on any long term effect but it seems to be at least moderately helpful for helping me fight the depression that i was going through. also i got some valerian extract for anxiety. each capsule is 800mg. it says take 1 for daytime usage, take 2 for nighttime usage. i decided to take 3 to see if i could get a prominent or noticeable effect to make sure it's not some bunk shit. i noticed 3 seemed to feel like taking half of a dose of lorazepam. the effect sure is subtle enough to be placebo, but it's strong enough that i'm not completely cynical about it. i take 2 a day now before doing anything that would normally cause anxiety. again, it's only been a few days so i can't comment on anything long-term, but it seems hopeful. take this info however you want. maybe some of you guys might get some sort of benefit from taking some supplements. consult a doctor first(unless you can't afford one, like me) or w/e. i'll give an update on january 1st with some more completely subjective data before i get a script for mood stabilizers and possibly a real benzodiazepine that will fuck up any and all analysis of my supplement intake.[/QUOTE] I want to avoid taking medication as much as I can. I know that I won't be able to live without it once I start, and that idea doesn't sit very well with me

Sometimes, medication is the only thing that can help you.. My anxiety has gotten to a point where it's uncontrollable and physical(constant vertigo, numbness, breaking down, lights blinking and my eyes spasming). It's worst when I'm in a safe environment. I'll hopefully start medication until I can get a psychologist.. Also, today I visited my uncle who's just had a stroke.. And I just broke down inside when I saw him. In a wheelchair, his right side completely numb and struggling to talk. I just sat there motionless most of the time, but I cried for like an hour once I got home. Shit sucks so bad. [editline]22nd December 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=yawmwen;43269849]so i started taking vitamins hoping that it might alleviate some symptoms of my social anxiety and bipolar disorder the other day when i was very suicidal. since i don't have medicaid until the first i gotta do what i can i guess. i take 9g fish oil(250mg omega-3 per gram), 4000 i.u. vitamin D, and 800 i.u. vitamin E(mostly cuz it's an antioxidant but i think it might have mental health benefit). the vitamin D seems like a lot and if i start to get any negative effect i will cease using it. however, i also hardly get direct sunlight since it's overcast every damn day so it might not be too much. i noticed a short hypomanic episode followed by a quick decline to what is close to "normal" or "baseline" for me as soon as i started taking them. it's only been a few days so i can't comment on any long term effect but it seems to be at least moderately helpful for helping me fight the depression that i was going through. also i got some valerian extract for anxiety. each capsule is 800mg. it says take 1 for daytime usage, take 2 for nighttime usage. i decided to take 3 to see if i could get a prominent or noticeable effect to make sure it's not some bunk shit. i noticed 3 seemed to feel like taking half of a dose of lorazepam. the effect sure is subtle enough to be placebo, but it's strong enough that i'm not completely cynical about it. i take 2 a day now before doing anything that would normally cause anxiety. again, it's only been a few days so i can't comment on anything long-term, but it seems hopeful. take this info however you want. maybe some of you guys might get some sort of benefit from taking some supplements. consult a doctor first(unless you can't afford one, like me) or w/e. i'll give an update on january 1st with some more completely subjective data before i get a script for mood stabilizers and possibly a real benzodiazepine that will fuck up any and all analysis of my supplement intake.[/QUOTE] If I remember correctly, it takes a week or more before the meds work like they should. Sometimes you can feel worse, but then it gets better [editline]22nd December 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=JoeyZ;43268095]This isn't going to work. How do psychiatric facilities justify closing until the new year? I was supposed to have my first appointment with a therapist a week ago but I ended up in the nut house for choking down on a 9mm. Now I hear I can't get a single doctor until Jan 16th. To be honest, I don't have any hopes to make it to then. Today I did so well I was surprised with myself, then tonight I lost my girlfriend's keys and got frustrated with myself enough to want to play in traffic. The pills don't help. I told the nurses at the psychiatric ward countless times 'all I need is sleep'. I was diagnosed with major depression and insomnia so they gave me a stimulant and told me to stop taking my sleeping medication and to never even smoke weed to sleep. I honestly just want to go. I can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend how mad I am she threw away the gun. I feel trapped somewhere I just don't want to be anymore.[/QUOTE] Yo dude, this might sound weird, but have you tried Yoga and/or mindfulness meditation before you go to sleep? I also recommend start lifting weights or running. Stay off the weed and take the sleep meds when you absolutely need to.

[QUOTE=Thaard;43273705]Sometimes, medication is the only thing that can help you.. My anxiety has gotten to a point where it's uncontrollable and physical(constant vertigo, numbness, breaking down, lights blinking and my eyes spasming). It's worst when I'm in a safe environment. I'll hopefully start medication until I can get a psychologist.[/QUOTE] Well my depression isn't all that bad. I'm still hoping to get over it on my own

My whole family on the mother side is on anxiety meds, so I guess it was in my cards. I've tried everything(yoga, meditation, lifting weights, shrinks, psychiatrics) and it worked until like 4-5 months ago when it came to a point I couldn't even get out of the chair.. Most times you just extend the inevitable because your body and brain can't fight anymore, so then you need meds.

Started taking anti-depressants again. Effexor to be exact. Used to take Zoloft couple years ago. I didn't take a pill today, as I didn't wake up early (pills give me lots of energy throughout the day I'm not used to, so I had trouble sleeping the past couple nights), and I feel like I've "crashed". I hardly want to do anything, even play video games. I took a shower and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hate my physical appearance. Like, I just want to change everything about how I look, but I can't, and that makes me super depressed.

So I recently have been having major problems with regret and fear and unknowing and just a whole shit load. I really have major fear for the future and I don't mean like tomorrow I mean like years down the road. Its a very irrational fear and I know it is, I just cannot fucking shake it. I want a good life, I really do but I feel like I will not be able to jump high enough to grab onto the ledge, I feel like I'm going to amount to nothing. I'm really unsure and I feel like shit about my physical appearance and I hardly want to do anything but lay around and sleep.. That and I recently have become upset with some friends. One of them is a braggart and is all uppity about being the best of the best at academics and the whole nine yards. This guy angers me because I'm not an A+ student. I'm not in extra curricular activities and I'm not a social out-goer and I fear that I won't go anywhere in life really, I feel like shit. My other friends I nearly broke down at and told them all off but I managed to get away before I had reached that point entirely. I don't know why, I just got extremely angry for seemingly no reason and almost fell over the edge. I'm not usually an angry person by any means and I don't want to be. I'm usually a fairly nice person and I barely ever get angry. As of recent I have put myself at distance from quite a few people and I'm looking for a reason to be pulled back in again. But at the same time I almost don't miss some of these friends. I'm really conflicted, really afraid, really depressed and I just want to shake these feelings entirely. I have laid in bed these past few nights awake for hours wondering why I even push forward. Has medicine proven useful to any of you here? I fear that it may be time to look into some medication myself.

[QUOTE=slayer20;43276529]Started taking anti-depressants again. Effexor to be exact. Used to take Zoloft couple years ago. I didn't take a pill today, as I didn't wake up early (pills give me lots of energy throughout the day I'm not used to, so I had trouble sleeping the past couple nights), and I feel like I've "crashed". I hardly want to do anything, even play video games. I took a shower and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hate my physical appearance. Like, I just want to change everything about how I look, but I can't, and that makes me super depressed.[/QUOTE] I'm on that medication too. I've missed doses and I can tell you that this is a drug you do not want to miss doses on. I missed a few days and my mood got out of control, i had really bad headaches and very strange physical sensations in my brain (brain zaps). I talked to my prescriber and he said that missing even a single dose can cause noticeably unpleasant effects. [editline]22nd December 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=ColdWave;43276806]So I recently have been having major problems with regret and fear and unknowing and just a whole shit load. I really have major fear for the future and I don't mean like tomorrow I mean like years down the road. Its a very irrational fear and I know it is, I just cannot fucking shake it. I want a good life, I really do but I feel like I will not be able to jump high enough to grab onto the ledge, I feel like I'm going to amount to nothing. I'm really unsure and I feel like shit about my physical appearance and I hardly want to do anything but lay around and sleep.. That and I recently have become upset with some friends. One of them is a braggart and is all uppity about being the best of the best at academics and the whole nine yards. This guy angers me because I'm not an A+ student. I'm not in extra curricular activities and I'm not a social out-goer and I fear that I won't go anywhere in life really, I feel like shit. My other friends I nearly broke down at and told them all off but I managed to get away before I had reached that point entirely. I don't know why, I just got extremely angry for seemingly no reason and almost fell over the edge. I'm not usually an angry person by any means and I don't want to be. I'm usually a fairly nice person and I barely ever get angry. As of recent I have put myself at distance from quite a few people and I'm looking for a reason to be pulled back in again. But at the same time I almost don't miss some of these friends. I'm really conflicted, really afraid, really depressed and I just want to shake these feelings entirely. I have laid in bed these past few nights awake for hours wondering why I even push forward. Has medicine proven useful to any of you here? I fear that it may be time to look into some medication myself.[/QUOTE] My opinion is that medicine is not for everybody and not to be used alone. For me, my therapy and medicine i guess sort of complement each other and I think I'd be worse off without. Psychiatric medicine is serious business and you should get a prescriber who isn't just a physician. Talk it over with your doctor and be prepared for some serious side effects, including worsening symptoms. [B] Be sure to speak up if you have concerns.[/B] So so many people don't do this because they fear that their doctor will be mad or something. They won't. They cannot help you if they don't know what's wrong and they only know what's wrong if you tell them. What you are going through sucks. I'm not going to say that it will get better and that medicine and therapy will cure you. What I will say is that [B]there is help[/B] and [B]you do not have to do this alone[/B].

Christmas marks 5 weeks without self harm for me. I don't know why I kept up with it, since the reason I stopped is over for the most part. It's hard as hell, man.

[QUOTE=Thaard;43273705] If I remember correctly, it takes a week or more before the meds work like they should. Sometimes you can feel worse, but then it gets better [/QUOTE] it can take up to a month but the medication can start to give you improvement immediately. zoloft(an ssri) actually works immediately in my system. however, due to my illness it is a pretty negative effect. i start rapid cycling. [editline]23rd December 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Laserbeams;43274372]Well my depression isn't all that bad. I'm still hoping to get over it on my own[/QUOTE] you can take an ssri temporarily while you participate in therapy. [editline]23rd December 2013[/editline] but there is a lot of controversy over the efficacy of an ssri for moderate or mild depression in the first place. so yea you might wanna take vitamins first. a lot of depression is caused by vitamin insufficiency. vitamin D is necessary for accessing genes that regulate seratonin and dopamine release, for example.

got some sobril and other stuff today.. Pretty anxious to see how it works..

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43277332]Christmas marks 5 weeks without self harm for me. I don't know why I kept up with it, since the reason I stopped is over for the most part. It's hard as hell, man.[/QUOTE] One day at a time, man. I've only self harmed a few times, but the scars are still there an a constant reminder that things do get better. Lately though, I've been in another little funk. I'm really excited for Christmas and all, and I have the opportunity of a lifetime coming up next year, but I'm just really sad and lonely lately. I've noticed that my best friend gets far more attention from people than I do, which is annoying because I know many of her other friends, too. I mean, I am pretty charismatic, not bad looking at all, and really friendly, but no one every "goes out of their way" to talk to me. By this I mean no one ever initiates conversation with me, ever, period, full stop. I looked at my texts and Facebook messages and I haven't had anyone get in touch with me in many many months, it's always me trying to reconnect with people. It works for a bit, and then I sort of lose interest because the other person loses interest. I've also been doing some fairly bad drugs lately, which I don't want to go into particulars about. I don't feel like I'm addicted, but I feel like there's literally nothing else to do, and they take my mind off things.

A friend of mine has some problems talking to people, making friends, feeling alone and all that. When she feels alone (for example when she's playing a game, and a group of friends is there talking to each other she'll feel all alone) she goes to some forum to meet pedophiles and skype with them, sends them pictures to make herself feel better, then afterwards she feels terrible about it, feels like a slut. I don't know how to help her. She herself suggested seeing a therapist but that'd mean talking to her parents, which she also can't do (too afraid to disappoint people to tell them how she feels etc). I can't exactly go tell her parents because i'd be breaking her trust and also she lives in Sweden, I feel so helpless. She said she stopped talking to pedophiles after she confessed to me, but that doesn't make the real problem go away does it?

[QUOTE=Thaard;43273705]Yo dude, this might sound weird, but have you tried Yoga and/or mindfulness meditation before you go to sleep? I also recommend start lifting weights or running. Stay off the weed and take the sleep meds when you absolutely need to.[/QUOTE] I'm taking Vicodin right now for a ruptured cyst in my left nut right now, but I tried some push ups last night before taking one and it knocked me right out. Didn't even need the pill :) thanks, dude

[QUOTE=JoeyZ;43282456]I'm taking Vicodin right now for a ruptured cyst in my left nut right now, but I tried some push ups last night before taking one and it knocked me right out. Didn't even need the pill :) thanks, dude[/QUOTE] Np. Try some calisthenics. It's bodyweight stuff you can do at home without needing to go to the gym(maybe buy a pull up bar you can mount over your door arch).

First day on the pills, and I've already had an amazing day. Maybe it's placebo, but I don't care. Still have some fainting/vertigo left, but I'm not afraid anymore and I'm more relaxed. Feels great.

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43277332]Christmas marks 5 weeks without self harm for me. I don't know why I kept up with it, since the reason I stopped is over for the most part. It's hard as hell, man.[/QUOTE] I 'unno why, but keeping this up is getting harder. All the shit that happened in the past couple weeks is starting to catch up with me, and now I just feel like shit. I'm gonna try and power through because the few people who actually know that this is happening would be really mad at me if I didn't, but I can't make any promises.

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43285012]I 'unno why, but keeping this up is getting harder. All the shit that happened in the past couple weeks is starting to catch up with me, and now I just feel like shit. I'm gonna try and power through because the few people who actually know that this is happening would be really mad at me if I didn't, but I can't make any promises.[/QUOTE] Try lifting weights or working out 'til it hurts. Use the rage against yourself to lift harder or run faster. Exchange the self-harm, with something that's "healthy" hurting.

Damn. Failing math lately, being too poor to buy my family [I]anything[/I] for this year's christmas, overall having hard time living. Being alone all the time doesn't help much. How can one live, when he has no perspective on near future. Living from day to day. For a month? Two? Manageable. It's been fucking years tho. Years. Merry Christmas everyone. Merry Christmas...

[QUOTE=Thaard;43285392]Try lifting weights or working out 'til it hurts. Use the rage against yourself to lift harder or run faster. Exchange the self-harm, with something that's "healthy" hurting.[/QUOTE] It's not recommended, but I did it and it helped me alot when I was close to give up everything. I probably destroyed my kneecap, don't even care at this point... Merry Christmas, I love you all in here <3

[QUOTE=Torjuz;43299484]It's not recommended, but I did it and it helped me alot when I was close to give up everything. I probably destroyed my kneecap, don't even care at this point... Merry Christmas, I love you all in here <3[/QUOTE] Practice good technique, but you'll always experience some kind of injury. Blown kneecaps, shoulders fucking up, back fucking up.