Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I wish I had enough booze to drink myself into a coma, I only have enough to forget who I am. Normally that's enough, but fuck it's Christmas.

[QUOTE=Thaard;43299543]Practice good technique, but you'll always experience some kind of injury. Blown kneecaps, shoulders fucking up, back fucking up.[/QUOTE] I did, but going from 0 to around 14 sessions a week probably was a huge reason. But I don't care, my psychical is more important then my physical. [editline]25th December 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Thaard;43299543]Practice good technique, but you'll always experience some kind of injury. Blown kneecaps, shoulders fucking up, back fucking up.[/QUOTE] I did, but going from 0 to around 14 sessions a week was probably a huge reason. But I don't care, my psychical is more important then my physical.

5th day on the new pills, and now I'm up to normal dosage. Feelin' fine, but kind of weird. I've gotten this weird hyperfocus and I suddenly have an almost photographic memory of certain things. The negative is that I feel abit disconnected sometimes and the if someone interrupts me while I'm in the middle of something(always been like this though, but it's a bit worse at the moment), I can completely forget what I'm doing. Hopefully, it will get better soon.

-Snip, managed to get the balls to talk it out, and everything's fine-

so the only person I want to get to know, only person I feel comfortable around and the only person I see as an opportunity to haul myself out of my depression is giving me a clear sign that she doesn't want to be around me. she posted a check in on facebook with the status message "feeling tired" at the hospital. I sent her a message about 8 hours after she posted that since that was when I saw it [IMG]http://i.cubeupload.com/mePyeP.png[/IMG] rough translation "Woah, anything special happened? :o Just saw your post on FB :/" she saw it 2-3 hours ago now. no reply. I feel I must have said something wrong, misunderstood the situation, etc etc. why won't she reply? what's wrong? is it me? are you just tired? are you ignoring me? I feel kind of abandoned now. alone. I don't know, I've always had a little hope in me since I got to know her. now that little hope is gone, and well, quite frankly I have no idea what to do anymore. even though we don't know each other all that well, she is literally the only person I have. I know she struggles a lot too so we both have something in common there I don't wanna jump to any serious decisions just yet, she might reply later, I don't know... I feel incredibly blind and stuck right now though. if she doesn't reply later I don't know what I'll do

Relax man. Don't worry about it. She probably has a reason. You should try to talk to her in real life and maybe confront her about why she doesn't answer your fb messages. If she doesn't want to be with you, find another friend who actually appreciates you. There's heaps of people that have the same problems. Most of it comes down to uncertainty over their own self-image. Try improving yourself physically and/or mentally. If you want something more than a friendship, maybe you should find someone that is kind, but a bit different than yourself. Someone that is stable and calm on the stuff you fear, and that's unstable/afraid of stuff you're not afraid of.

just wish it was easy like that. I haven't seen her in real life since september, we've only thrown FB messages back and forth with 14-30 days interval between each time we've done so. when I say she's the only person I have left that's literally what I mean only issue is that I'm not capable of leaving the door at all. I've tried psyching myself up and force myself to get out, but the moment I get ready and see myself in the mirror it's like I'm hit in the stomach, forcing me down to my knees. I just can't do it I don't know if I want more than friendship or not. I mean, I really want to get to know her better but I don't want to say anything about that just yet. I haven't been with her that much

Go to your doctor and get professional help, NOW!

I've been going to a shrink for the past year but I don't feel that it helps at all, and it's only been getting worse. I'm already on anti depressants which doesn't help all that much tbh. I feel like I've tried everything, yet things keep falling further apart I don't know what to do [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG] [editline]26th December 2013[/editline] I just realized that I've done nothing this year, literally nothing. everything that has happened this year has been shit. my ex broke up with me, I've lost all of my friends, I have no job, I've wanted to die so many times, I've attempted suicide, I've begun taking pills, where the hell is my life going? I can't even leave the house anymore. I can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore. I can barely leave my computer, I'm scared that neighbours will see me in the windows. I have barely left the house this year, that's crazy. I've accomplished nothing, absolutely nothing what the hell do I do? [editline]26th December 2013[/editline] i have no one at all, no one. all I have is what I have in front of me, a computer. can't even contain my tears anymore, i just want to die [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG]

Un-install all the games on your computer, and get out of your house. Don't you have any hobbies apart from your computer? Try to start lifting weights to improve your self-image/confidence. Get a job. By just being at home and sitting in front of the computer, you're doing more damage to yourself by isolating yourself. Go take a walk!

just wish it was as easy as that I don't know, I'm not really getting anywhere with attitude. I've tried taking walks but I just can't bring myself to it. I don't feel that I look "pretty" enough to walk outside

You don't have to be "pretty" to walk around outside, if you go walking around you're bound to pass some people who are far from "pretty", because the outdoors doesn't belong to "pretty" people. And if you wear sunglasses you don't have to worry about eyecontact with people you pass, that certainly makes it easier

yeah sunglasses most definitely make things easier, but it's still winter so I feel stupid if I wear those now I don't know, I feel that I need to show myself from my best side if I'm am going to show people myself. feel that people are judgemental of me and I don't like that. like when I walk past someone, my heart starts beating, the adrenaline starts flowing and I get piss scared. thoughts like "what does he think of me? do I look stupid to him? does he notice my nervousness? am I ugly?" etc etc starts popping up in my head.

[QUOTE=PredGD;43318775]yeah sunglasses most definitely make things easier, but it's still winter so I feel stupid if I wear those now I don't know, I feel that I need to show myself from my best side if I'm am going to show people myself. feel that people are judgemental of me and I don't like that. like when I walk past someone, my heart starts beating, the adrenaline starts flowing and I get piss scared. thoughts like "what does he think of me? do I look stupid to him? does he notice my nervousness? am I ugly?" etc etc starts popping up in my head.[/QUOTE] I have the same issue. I used to feel like people looked at me like they were scared I was gonna attack them. The thing is that how you interpret the way people look at you is in part a reflection of how you view yourself. I thought I looked like a creep, and in turn felt like everyone was looking at me like I was a total creep. If you think you look stupid, nervous, and ugly, it's likely you're going to see people looking at you and you'll think that's how they see you. The reality of the matter is that whoever you're passing probably won't care at all. If it ruins their day to see someone who looks stupid, nervous, or ugly, they must have some serious issues. If you want to change this, think about changing how you see yourself. I had this nasty long hair, and I realized that that was what was making me feel like I was a creep. I cut it and have it short and neat now, and I feel so much better walking down the street. I don't feel like people look at me like I'm a creep anymore, but really, they're probably looking at me just the same as before. So look for what's making you feel like you might look stupid, nervous, or ugly, and try to change that. For the ugly thing, you had a girlfriend at one point. Odds are you don't look that bad, so don't sweat it. For the nervousness, as you work on your-self image and all that, you'll get less nervous. I certainly did. And for looking stupid, pop into Fix Up Look Sharp and get some advice from them about whatever it is you're worried about.

So I contacted a good friend and sorta lost it, and told her what was going on, and she ended up calming me down, and contacting my sister for me to kinda give the information onto my parents. Probably be seeing a psych soon in the regards to any possible mental issues.

[QUOTE=ZenX2;43319042]I have the same issue. I used to feel like people looked at me like they were scared I was gonna attack them. The thing is that how you interpret the way people look at you is in part a reflection of how you view yourself. I thought I looked like a creep, and in turn felt like everyone was looking at me like I was a total creep. If you think you look stupid, nervous, and ugly, it's likely you're going to see people looking at you and you'll think that's how they see you. The reality of the matter is that whoever you're passing probably won't care at all. If it ruins their day to see someone who looks stupid, nervous, or ugly, they must have some serious issues. If you want to change this, think about changing how you see yourself. I had this nasty long hair, and I realized that that was what was making me feel like I was a creep. I cut it and have it short and neat now, and I feel so much better walking down the street. I don't feel like people look at me like I'm a creep anymore, but really, they're probably looking at me just the same as before. So look for what's making you feel like you might look stupid, nervous, or ugly, and try to change that. For the ugly thing, you had a girlfriend at one point. Odds are you don't look that bad, so don't sweat it. For the nervousness, as you work on your-self image and all that, you'll get less nervous. I certainly did. And for looking stupid, pop into Fix Up Look Sharp and get some advice from them about whatever it is you're worried about.[/QUOTE] my hair and body is my main concern. I think I look nice in the face though :v: I'd cut my hair (it's not [I]that[/I] long but it's longer than what I'm comfortable with) but I'm always afraid that they'll cut it waaay too much. I like having some middleground between short and shortish long. clothes is also a huge concern for me. I'm comfortable with one of my sets which consists of a black V neck and a pair of jeans. really need some new sweaters, just wish that I wasn't so picky and dared to go out of my comfortable territory to try new stuff. I also can't do clothes shopping at all. I usually end up having a panic attack just after 10-20 mins. I'm way too uncomfortable showing what kind of clothes I like and am afraid that people will judge that. I'd visit fix up look sharp but after browsing the thread a little I feel that their sense of fashion isn't comparable with mine. also I'm too scared of being judged since I'll most likely post pics of myself first to ensure that they have a view of me and what could be improved

[QUOTE=PredGD;43319655]my hair and body is my main concern. I think I look nice in the face though :v: I'd cut my hair (it's not [I]that[/I] long but it's longer than what I'm comfortable with) but I'm always afraid that they'll cut it waaay too much. I like having some middleground between short and shortish long. clothes is also a huge concern for me. I'm comfortable with one of my sets which consists of a black V neck and a pair of jeans. really need some new sweaters, just wish that I wasn't so picky and dared to go out of my comfortable territory to try new stuff. I also can't do clothes shopping at all. I usually end up having a panic attack just after 10-20 mins. I'm way too uncomfortable showing what kind of clothes I like and am afraid that people will judge that. I'd visit fix up look sharp but after browsing the thread a little I feel that their sense of fashion isn't comparable with mine. also I'm too scared of being judged since I'll most likely post pics of myself first to ensure that they have a view of me and what could be improved[/QUOTE] When I went to short hair I made sure to go to a real salon and not some cheap "supercuts" place, if you're not doing that already I strongly suggest it, it's much easier to trust that they'll give you a good haircut close to what you want Don't worry about people judging you based on what clothing you like; having non-fashionable clothes doesn't make people think badly about you, you're in more of a neutral position. If your clothes are ratty, grungy, and torn up then yeah people will think a bit less of you, but as long as you're not too far off of what's considered acceptable (i.e. socks and sandals) then people will mostly think better of you because of your clothes, not worse. As for the fix up thread, let them judge you. If they point out something wrong with your clothing and criticize you, it's not something to feel bad about, it's something to use to improve yourself.

well I just tried to haul my ass out the door. spent about an hour fixing myself just to take a walk. showered, hair gel, pretty much what I always do when I leave the house. series of events happened. first I saw my body in the mirror. not happy with myself at all. I decided "no, carry on, I'll do this" which I did. I finished showered and waited for my hair to dry before applying hair gel. hair dries and I go to do my business. then the gel didn't work like I hoped it to work. didn't like how my hair turned out. decided to put a winter hat thingy on my head to cover it, which works well enough I suppose. then I put on my clothes, looked at myself in the mirror and thought "hmm, no..." so I went back and grabbed something else which I didn't like either. then I gave up. 1 hour of constant work to fix myself up to waste. couldn't leave the door, even though it's 10 AM and no one's walking around outdoors yet.

Dude, you need to not worry so much. V-necks and jeans look fine, I rock that look a good portion of the time. I know it's hard, and pretty much what everyone says, but you just need to not give a fuck. I went out today in a [url=https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBGP_5Gl09AOGj2FgboNb42xwqkQXE7IF5i2Ux9BIsCQsbwoYX]drug rug[/url] and slippers and wore them all day. Guess how many weird looks I got? None. People really don't pay too much attention unless something is really off. And even if they do, who cares?

[QUOTE=PredGD;43322069]well I just tried to haul my ass out the door. spent about an hour fixing myself just to take a walk. showered, hair gel, pretty much what I always do when I leave the house. series of events happened. first I saw my body in the mirror. not happy with myself at all. I decided "no, carry on, I'll do this" which I did. I finished showered and waited for my hair to dry before applying hair gel. hair dries and I go to do my business. then the gel didn't work like I hoped it to work. didn't like how my hair turned out. decided to put a winter hat thingy on my head to cover it, which works well enough I suppose. then I put on my clothes, looked at myself in the mirror and thought "hmm, no..." so I went back and grabbed something else which I didn't like either. then I gave up. 1 hour of constant work to fix myself up to waste. couldn't leave the door, even though it's 10 AM and no one's walking around outdoors yet.[/QUOTE] This is actually good, because you tried instead of sitting around. It's not a failure because you didn't make it, it's progress in the right direction. It took me 3 days and 3 tries just to get out of my house to walk to the store last month, but I got there eventually because I kept trying to get further each time. Try again tomorrow, and try to at least get out the door. Maybe you're not okay with actually walking around yet. What's important is that you move a just bit further out of your comfort zone each day, so you can grow but not freak out.

I am relapsing into suicidality and I don't know how to tell anybody except my therapist.

so I'm back with goods news last night (well, 1 AM sometime) this girl sent me a reply. told me she had forgotten to answer, and we ended up chatting for an hour or so. she went to sleep, I kept going since I had just woken up and as I was going to sleep now (we had been talking about my schedule since she had noticed my abnormal pattern through my activity on facebook) she sent me a message asking me if I was awake. I kinda feel wanted again, not so alone. even her mother added me on facebook this morning and sent me a message telling me that I could talk to her about anything. she's really awesome, coolest mother I've ever met to be honest. I'm not all that down anymore, which is a good thing! I'm happier than I've been in a while to be honest!

[QUOTE=PredGD;43333611]so I'm back with goods news last night (well, 1 AM sometime) this girl sent me a reply. told me she had forgotten to answer, and we ended up chatting for an hour or so. she went to sleep, I kept going since I had just woken up and as I was going to sleep now (we had been talking about my schedule since she had noticed my abnormal pattern through my activity on facebook) she sent me a message asking me if I was awake. I kinda feel wanted again, not so alone. even her mother added me on facebook this morning and sent me a message telling me that I could talk to her about anything. she's really awesome, coolest mother I've ever met to be honest. I'm not all that down anymore, which is a good thing! I'm happier than I've been in a while to be honest![/QUOTE] The most important thing I've learned in my schooling of psychology, is that the main cornerstone of being happy is having good relationships/friendships/etc with other peeps. Having a few people to talk to about anything can really help out. :>

If I didn't have good friends + family, I'd be dead a long time ago.

Does anyone here have any experience regarding borderline personality disorder? I think I've reached an actual conclusion on why my negative emotions tend to spiral out of control.

I feel like every time I get away from depression, I start getting hit with anxiety. I definitely prefer the anxiety to the depression, but the littlest things make me feel like shit and I can't stand it. At least I've got pills that help it a bit with the physical part, but I still feel a burning feeling in my head and neck.

[QUOTE=Rolond Returns;43339181]Does anyone here have any experience regarding borderline personality disorder? I think I've reached an actual conclusion on why my negative emotions tend to spiral out of control.[/QUOTE] I work with Borderline patients everyday, whatsup?

[video=youtube;rGDl6-lyfMY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGDl6-lyfMY[/video] [video=youtube;CF7yiQxn35I]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF7yiQxn35I[/video] Also I absolutely fucking love being ignored by everyone.

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;43339203]I work with Borderline patients everyday, whatsup?[/QUOTE] I've been suffering from spells of depression for the last 6 years or so mainly thinking it's just down to me feeling sad for whatever reason, but since around 8 months ago, things have been getting a lot more extreme. Whenever I feel an emotion, it consumes me pretty much. I briefly thought I was bipolar due to the correlation between type 1 diabetes (the hereditary one) which both my father and my grandmother have, as well as the ethereal sensation I get when I feel genuinely happy about myself. As much as I know I'm going to sound entitled/like an idiot for saying this, but I went on wikipedia trying to gather information on different disorders pertaining to extreme emotions and the reasons behind them, and I came upon BPD. Between the black-or-white way of thinking to the fear of rejection (an example would be how I genuinely get upset when people rate me dumb, as justified as it probably is it makes me feel like shit) to the fact that I almost downed a bottle of bleach over being told I wasn't making a meal the correct way, I'm fairly sure there's something wrong with my mind. My mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness (she was adopted, i'm referring to her blood relations), her mother OD'd on drugs and her brother killed himself while he was a member of the navy. I'm honestly scared I'm going to end up the same way because when it feels like the world would be better if it ended, it's tempting. Sorry if its a bit of a heavy read

[QUOTE=Rolond Returns;43339447]I've been suffering from spells of depression for the last 6 years or so mainly thinking it's just down to me feeling sad for whatever reason, but since around 8 months ago, things have been getting a lot more extreme. Whenever I feel an emotion, it consumes me pretty much. I briefly thought I was bipolar due to the correlation between type 1 diabetes (the hereditary one) which both my father and my grandmother have, as well as the ethereal sensation I get when I feel genuinely happy about myself. As much as I know I'm going to sound entitled/like an idiot for saying this, but I went on wikipedia trying to gather information on different disorders pertaining to extreme emotions and the reasons behind them, and I came upon BPD. Between the black-or-white way of thinking to the fear of rejection (an example would be how I genuinely get upset when people rate me dumb, as justified as it probably is it makes me feel like shit) to the fact that I almost downed a bottle of bleach over being told I wasn't making a meal the correct way, I'm fairly sure there's something wrong with my mind. My mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness (she was adopted, i'm referring to her blood relations), her mother OD'd on drugs and her brother killed himself while he was a member of the navy. I'm honestly scared I'm going to end up the same way because when it feels like the world would be better if it ended, it's tempting. Sorry if its a bit of a heavy read[/QUOTE] I would hold off on self-diagnosing yourself with any sort of disorder and leave that up to a qualified professional. The reason why is because a lot of disorders can share features with others and only an in-depth history and assessment can really make that determination. I'm not in the business of handing out diagnoses over the internet either. I can say this though; if you feel like you're having difficulty with your emotions and being able to cope and handle these various events in your life...go seek help! From what you told me it seems like you could benefit from some professional help, it's definitly out there so go get it :) I will reccomend this to you though...if you feel like you might have BPD and what you say is true I highly advise checking the book "I hate you don't leave me" [URL]http://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding/dp/0380713055[/URL] Very informational book for people who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Even then though, I would hold off on getting too much into it until you see a professional :)