Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Is it bad that real life death doesn't affect me much? I didn't grief or anything when my grandfather died (years ago now), or two years ago when the cat I'd had for 11 years, which I'd picked while he was still nursing with his mum, died while I was on vacation. I felt kinda sad that they were gone, but that's where it ended, didn't cry, didn't think about it for more than a few minutes and went on with my day, everyone around me crying their hearts out (while it was my cat, which I loved dearly), and me just wondering what's wrong with me. Movies, tv series or games on the other hand, I'll cry (inside, I haven't teared up for years no idea why, I don't mind it) easily. I'll get attached to characters so easily and when they die or something beautiful happens i'll just cry and be sad for a good while. Or when people I know and care about are hurt, I'll feel so bad about that, even people I've only met, for example, on facepunch or in a game, if I hear about anything bad that happened to them i'll feel terrible instantly. But not death, death that close to me, didn't bother me much if any at all. Which bothers me. Is this normal? [editline]time[/editline] Is this the right thread for this? I don't want to impose with my unimportant problem.

I think its pretty common actually. I know a few people who do the same thing. I'm handling life like shit right now. Lost my grandma earlier this year, about to lose my uncle's dad to stage 4 lung cancer. Docs say he has 2 weeks left. I fucking hate myself for failing in my recent relationship. Having crying spells every other day, dropped 10 lbs (6'1" @165 lbs) and last night I got the first urge to cut/self harm. I just feel like my entire life is going to shit and I don't know what to do but cry all fuckin day ughhhh

[QUOTE=mobrockers;43344145]Is it bad that real life death doesn't affect me much? I didn't grief or anything when my grandfather died (years ago now), or two years ago when the cat I'd had for 11 years, which I'd picked while he was still nursing with his mum, died while I was on vacation. I felt kinda sad that they were gone, but that's where it ended, didn't cry, didn't think about it for more than a few minutes and went on with my day, everyone around me crying their hearts out (while it was my cat, which I loved dearly), and me just wondering what's wrong with me. Movies, tv series or games on the other hand, I'll cry (inside, I haven't teared up for years no idea why, I don't mind it) easily. I'll get attached to characters so easily and when they die or something beautiful happens i'll just cry and be sad for a good while. Or when people I know and care about are hurt, I'll feel so bad about that, even people I've only met, for example, on facepunch or in a game, if I hear about anything bad that happened to them i'll feel terrible instantly. But not death, death that close to me, didn't bother me much if any at all. Which bothers me. Is this normal? [editline]time[/editline] Is this the right thread for this? I don't want to impose with my unimportant problem.[/QUOTE] Character from entertainment are thoroughly designed to have very emotional deaths. That's normal.

[QUOTE=FinalHunter;43367002]I feel like I overdramatize my life, or I want to. Sometimes I struggle in discerning whether I have a mental condition or [i]want[/i] to have a mental condition. Sometimes when I'm depressed, I hate myself and the fact that I'm not proud of my accomplishments, yet at the same time I still crave the feeling of being depressed. For the first time in a long time, I completely broke down crying. I feel stupid because I first started crying because of a movie - it was a movie based on real life events about our troops overseas, and in both the movie and real life many of them died. I broke down crying because I want to be a better person than I am and do something more significant than I do. One thought led to another, and I began thinking about how I quit everything I've ever started. I've quit soccer, football, basketball, ice hockey, piano, Krav Maga, choir, running, and other things I just don't remember at the moment. After a while I just lose motivation or interest and just stop doing them. I've been doing nothing but sitting on my computer in my room for the past week straight, doing absolutely nothing but listening to music, browsing Facepunch, and playing Starbound. I'm sick of my life and I'm sick of failing to do everything I wish I could. I stay up until 4 in the morning and wake up at 3 in the fucking afternoon. This entire winter break I've been wishing I could go to the gym and get in shape and look good physically, but I know in the back of my mind that best case scenario I'll just quit in a few months. I wish I was a better person and I feel like there isn't any way for me to improve myself. As soon as it gets boring or difficult I give up, and people always just say "Well you just have to persevere and keep trying" like it's easy. My mother walked in on me practically balling in my room and gave the shittiest version of a pep-talk I've ever heard, stating that if I wanted to do something I could and I just had to set goals and achieve it. I'd keep going but I'm not certain anyone in this thread is actually going to respond. Over all the years I've tried to post in all these things it seems to be a bunch of depressed people writing and rating each other Friendly. I don't want to sound entitled or ungrateful, but after unsuccessfully trying both antidepressants and therapy, I'd much like to talk to someone who isn't also sitting at the bottom of a dark hole.[/QUOTE] I'm not depressed nor do I feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of a dark hole, but my life consists of pretty much the same things as you mentioned so I'm not sure I'm the person you want to talk to. If you do though, feel free to add me on Steam.

Get over yourselves and try some stimulative drugs. They'll have you bouncing off walls for hours!

I'm not sure if I missunderstand this thread, but I have to tell about this. I always feel lonely. I'm too shy to talk to other people at my own will and I'm kinda sensitive when it comes to feelings. If i get insulted, my hearth feels cold as if someone was shocking me. And when this happens, I get depressed and started to feel like shit. My mother realised that and brang me to a theraphist to help me out. Thank god I feel less depressing as I was before. Although its not as serious as it was back then, I always feel empty in my body. It starts to come back just for a short amout of time. I'm also worried of getting cancer, since my grandpa died with cancer. Sorry if I couldn't descripe my problems this well. All I want is having a friend who understands me. But don't put my issue as high priority. Help the others who have it worse than me. You guys are all special in your own way. Nobody should suffer from being different. Your parents loves you, and they will try the best to help you out in tough situations. There will always be someone who will back you up! Even having some company can make someone happy.

[QUOTE=Dakiin Dovah;43367450]Get over yourselves and try some stimulative drugs. They'll have you bouncing off walls for hours![/QUOTE] Only for a while, then it makes everything worse. Happy New Years peeps! Keep living and don't give up. Gonna go get drunk and dance my ass off at a friends house.

This sense of fear and worry has come over me lately and I am not sure why. It started around Christmas with anxiety about the fact that I will die one day. Then for a few nights after that I’d be lying in bed and I would start feeling like I was going to have a heart attack, there was this sense of impending doom and pain in my chest. Now it is different though, I feel worry constantly throughout the day, ever since Sunday . I have not felt worry like this since I was a kid, I am not worried about anything in particular either, it is just a general sense of worry about whatever comes to mind. I have not being able to eat for the past two days and I am not sure if that is because I am worried, or if it’s because of some underlying problem. It could be that I am worried because I have not eaten. Has anybody else experienced anything like this?

That's how I've felt every day since I was born. It's anxiety. Do something instead of laying around and thinking. Just think to yourself that it's not dangerous or maybe talk to someone about it.

2013's resolutions: "In descending order of importance: 1) Get laid 2) Don't kill yourself, stupid" Phone sex only half counts, so this was a 67% successful year.

Back from the party.. Was a bit of a chore for me. The pills have removed my anxiety, but I still get stressed as fuck out around lots of people and tighten up. This again leads to me getting migraine'ish symptoms and getting dizzy. Fucking sucks, but had a good time at least. Also, new year resolutions: Stop playing computer games. Start working out again.

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43372645]2013's resolutions: "In descending order of importance: 1) Get laid 2) Don't kill yourself, stupid" Phone sex only half counts, so this was a 67% successful year.[/QUOTE] imo "getting laid" shouldn't be a goal [QUOTE=Dakiin Dovah;43367450]Get over yourselves and try some stimulative drugs. They'll have you bouncing off walls for hours![/QUOTE] You're probably just shitposting but that's pretty bad to joke about. I know a few facepunchers who endorse doing acid and they're so clueless and emotional about everything and their life.

Spent a good portion of the night lying on the floor waiting for my anxiety to lighten up On the bright side, stimulants got me super motivated for the new year and I thought out and planned my next set of self-improvements On the dark side, crashing from stimulants and simultaneously getting my anxiety set off made for a shitty night, but I managed to work through the problem

[QUOTE=Dacheet;43372645]2013's resolutions: "In descending order of importance: 1) Get laid 2) Don't kill yourself, stupid" Phone sex only half counts, so this was a 67% successful year.[/QUOTE] I did that 'letter to the future thing' with facepunch like four years ago, and send a message to 20 year old me. Told myself to kill myself if i still were a virgin. Fun times when i got that email two months ago...

I'm starting to resent everyone guilting me into staying alive..

[QUOTE=JoeyZ;43385324]I'm starting to resent everyone guilting me into staying alive..[/QUOTE]Unless you're having your balls eaten by thousands of carnivorous spiders or something like that, chances are non-existence for you will suck more than existence.

Been having a shitty year so far. Classes start up in 3 days and trying to maintain a positive mood has been pretty damn difficult. Woke up this morning to my dad threatening me, and I fucking lost it. Snapped at him and said I'd fucking kill him if he touches me. Can't wait to see what the rest of the day will be like! [sp]sarcasm[/sp] Fuck, I don't want to deal with this shit. I'm not even in the mood to play games, I just want to see my girlfriend, but I can't. Just going to mope around and whine like a fuckin' loser for the next few days I guess. Might as well tread through and hope for the best, I know it's just high school but succeeding means a lot to me right now.

My dad's out of surgery okay c: He'll be home by Tuesday. Fuck yeah brain surgeons

Failed calculus for the second time now. I'm taking this semester off to consider what I should do next. My heart's just not in it anymore. I used to be super excited about the idea of college and all the things I could learn. Calculus is the one and only thing standing between me and that, but I've just been so consistently and repeatedly disappointed- different professors, schools, and routines aside- that I just can't motivate myself anymore. I don't get excited now. My passion is burnt out. I wonder what I should do.

[QUOTE=ZenX2;43377867]Spent a good portion of the night lying on the floor waiting for my anxiety to lighten up On the bright side, stimulants got me super motivated for the new year and I thought out and planned my next set of self-improvements On the dark side, crashing from stimulants and simultaneously getting my anxiety set off made for a shitty night, but I managed to work through the problem[/QUOTE] Still feeling this anxiety. I just want the pressure it's making me feel in my head to stop, I can't relax at all. It's crazy how a single person in your life can brighten your deepest depression, and cause so much shitty anxiety at the same time

Been feeling a bit more stable after reconnecting with a friend over the Holidays, and talking out what I've been going through. Things are much more stable at the moment, and I'm liking that.

[QUOTE=Sgt Doom;43385671]Unless you're having your balls eaten by thousands of carnivorous spiders or something like that, chances are non-existence for you will suck more than existence.[/QUOTE] That's how my feelings feel :v:

[QUOTE=Dakiin Dovah;43367450]Get over yourselves and try some stimulative drugs. They'll have you bouncing off walls for hours![/QUOTE] Fuck you, don't think you know how you can fix our problems if you are just an ignorant shit. Having problem with school? Just drop out, then there is no problem, that's not an proper answer... Sorry for being mad over this but I nearly took my life because of people trying to "save" me from myself. It basically killed my self-respect and my hope for most things of ever having a worthy life.

been a little down today. have had a period which has only gone up, but suppose that the farther you go up the farther you're gonna fall once it comes. the girl I'm pretty much relying on when it comes to social stuff is giving away signals which I take negative. she's the only one I currently have any contact with. what brought me down is this yesterday she contacted me, like she usually does a few times everyday. I haven't been that good at taking contact myself so it's mostly her who does it. she knows my background though so she knows that I struggle with taking contact. anyway, she sent me a message in the afternoon yesterday asking how my day had been. I said it's been fine, asked what she was doing, and she mentioned that she was hanging out with a buddy. fair enough. she asked me what I was doing so I told her that I was doing nothing special and was thinking of taking a walk soonish. she replied to that telling me to send her a snap when I take a walk out. she also told me she most likely wouldn't respond immediately since she was hanging around outside. okay, that's fine. sent her the snap I promised, then she didn't answer but had seen it. it's been over a day ago now and she still hasn't answered it, nor has she sent any of the usual messages she does over the course of a day. ughh, this entire situation isn't good. it's nothing to seriously bash myself over yet, but its gotten me down a fair bit. she might send one later, or she'll continue sending messages tomorrow, or I'll grow some balls and start the conversation for once.

The good news is I hadn't cut for 7 weeks. [sp]The bad news is I didn't put that in past tense accidentally[/sp]

(This is going to be long, so bear with me) I have depression, and I also used to have PTSD, my ex helped me through it, but then things changed drastically. I was with him for almost two years, and he literally forced me to be friends with his friends even though I didn't particularly trust his best friends girlfriend at the time (you will find out why later), never went out with me and my friends, went out with his friends more than with me, we never did anything alone (except for whenever we had sex), I never had the chance to talk for myself, he always talked for me so his mates believed in him about me, instead of me about me :/ and most of the time all he did was sit on his arse and play video games whenever I came over. He spent so much time with his best friend's girlfriend, it was unreal. It was as if they were together all this time rather than me and him. I met up with a great friend of mine about once a week for a while after two years of not seeing him, and my ex asked me if I was sleeping with him for months, whilst I was only supporting my friend, giving him money, and hugs, because he was going through a really rough time. He tells me I was spending so much time with this one friend, whilst he spent literally every day with his best friend's girlfriend. He then decides to be incredibly hypocritical and verbally abusive, and then left me for his best friend's girlfriend, which I expected would happen for over a year because of how they communicated and got along together. I then found out I was pregnant a month later, and my ex didn't give a shit when I told him, even though he was as shocked as I was when I first told him. He deleted and blocked me afterwards of course because his girlfriend told him to. He had changed so much from the loving, caring and amazing person he once was. Now he's a controlling, manipulative, hypocritical piece of shit. He said he would be there for the birth, and that's it. He said he "can't be a father as he has other commitments", whilst he literally does nothing but shag his girlfriend and play video games. Yep, that's "commitment". I am moving onwards and upwards now, and am with someone new and am as happy as can be. I told my mum on Christmas day about my new relationship and that I'm happy, and she told me she wasn't dumb and suspected we were, (even though the relationship was only a few days old at the time!) and is happy for me as long as I'm happy, which I really am! :smile: He is coming down to see me next month if things go according to plan and this year really is looking up and life is getting better indeed as the days go on. :') I know I seemed to be ranting, but a lot really does happen in only a few years, more bad than good for me. I just feel like telling people my story in short in case anyone is going through anything similar.

I dunno how the laws work in England, but isn't there some way your ex could be forced to help pay for the care of the child? That's how it works here anyways. He sounds like a real piece of shit no matter which way you look at it, and if it was going on for over a year, I can't see of him ever genuinely being a good partner even if he appeared to be at first. Definitely much better of without him, I'd say. That being said, I wouldn't have put up with it for that long. If my girlfriend was spending time with a friend of mine's boyfriend on a daily basis, especially if they were together more than we were, I'd be mighty suspicious. My last ex used to leave with one of my best friends and be gone for the entire day without checking in, then act weird when they got back. She also cheated on me with at least 2 different people (one being a family member), so it wouldn't really surprise me if he was a third. Trust is a really funny thing, it's hard to give just the right amount.

[QUOTE=Mr. Bleak;43458032]I dunno how the laws work in England, but isn't there some way your ex could be forced to help pay for the care of the child? That's how it works here anyways. He sounds like a real piece of shit no matter which way you look at it, and if it was going on for over a year, I can't see of him ever genuinely being a good partner even if he appeared to be at first. Definitely much better of without him, I'd say. That being said, I wouldn't have put up with it for that long. If my girlfriend was spending time with a friend of mine's boyfriend on a daily basis, especially if they were together more than we were, I'd be mighty suspicious. My last ex used to leave with one of my best friends and be gone for the entire day without checking in, then act weird when they got back. She also cheated on me with at least 2 different people (one being a family member), so it wouldn't really surprise me if he was a third. Trust is a really funny thing, it's hard to give just the right amount.[/QUOTE] My suspicions were confirmed with those two anyway, so I wasn't as hurt as I thought I would be. And if I am completely honest with you? I won't give a shit whether or not he would be forced to pay for the care of the child; he has made his choice, and he'd better stay away from me and keep to his word. I am more happier without him in my life, and the more negativity I let go, the more free and happy I become. And my ex is one big bundle of negatives waiting to happen if I let him back into my life. I will be hurt either way, but I'd rather be hurt the least with one choice. And I know it will be difficult, but I'm sure I will pull through. That's just my strong opinion of it, because of what I have been through with him etc.

Even so, there's a difference between paying for a child and, you know, actually being there as a father. As much as my dad was a bit of a twat with me at times, up until we totally fell out for good a few months ago, at least he was there as a father for me. But given what has been said above, I wouldnt blame you for not wanting him around anymore.

Oh yeah, the extent of fatherhood to a lot of my friends was a signed check once a month to pay for stuff they needed like food, as mandated by the state. Matter of fact, that same ex that I just mentioned had a dad that didn't see her for something like 16 years, and the only real interaction was the occasional card and child support payments. It costs a lot to raise a kid, and both parties are responsible. Just because you don't want to see him doesn't mean he should be able to skimp out of his fair share. Then again, sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth.