Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Torjuz;43595906]KandyMan, the best way to suicide is to actually suicide. No matter how you do it, a suicide is bad if you don't die, because you'll be jugded. When you are dead, that doesn't matter. But I'm in NO WAY saying that you should do it, life will get better. Trust me, I've been there.[/QUOTE] There is no "getting better" in my life. There are completely no positive aspects about it, and there is nothing I can do about it anymore. Suiciding seems like the most logical thing to do right now, and all I need is a little bit more motivation.

It was a good ride, you guys. This forum brought me years of joy from people all around the world. Thank you so much. You are good people, and I miss you already

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43596833]There is no "getting better" in my life. There are completely no positive aspects about it, and there is nothing I can do about it anymore. Suiciding seems like the most logical thing to do right now, and all I need is a little bit more motivation.[/QUOTE] There's going to be no getting better and no positive as long as you see it that way. There's always something you can do, you have ultimate control over one thing and that is: your self and how you choose to and influence how you feel.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43586156]What's the best way to suicide?[/QUOTE] Putting firework in your body cavitys

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43586156]What's the best way to suicide?[/QUOTE] Hop on a drivable lawn mover, get a radio and blast [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU"]this[/URL] at full volume, drive off a cliff at 1 km/h.

I don't really post here, but I don't know where else to post this. Lately I feel like my brain has been melting. I'm extremely apathetic, lazy. I can't think straight. It started getting really bad when I had a small run in with encephalitis at christmas time, brought on by toxoplasmosis (I think). Nowdays I have constant headaches. I can't think half as well as I used to, and I've been having insanely depressive thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I don't even have any depressed thoughts, I just feel empty, staring into space. I can go from being extremely enthusiastic and productive for one whole day, and then go into extreme, mind-numbing depression for weeks on end. I feel like I'm on the verge of crying constantly but I can never actually cry. I honestly don't know what the fuck to do. I'm supposed to be getting a better job for myself so me and my girlfriend can finally move out of her parents house, but I just can't do it. I'm afraid I'll fuck up getting another job, I'm afraid that even if I get another job I'll lose it within a week, I'm afraid that I'm just going to keep getting worse and worse, that I'm going to end up doing something drastic and crazy, and I don't want to become that. I'm actually fucking scared for my self and the people around me. I've never felt like I've been at that point before until now, but that's all I can think. I've been on anti-depressants before and they were just a stop-gap. I'm afraid of going to a psychiatrist because I don't want anyone finding out about this. I don't want to be labeled as a crazy person. I just don't know what the hell to do. I don't have suicidal thoughts, but I'm afraid this is just the tip of the iceburg. And now I'm regretting writing this whole thing up, because my girlfriend reads facepunch from time to time. Sorry for making this my blog.

Got someone pregnant. Shit

[QUOTE=Weirdness;43605080]I don't really post here, but I don't know where else to post this. Lately I feel like my brain has been melting. I'm extremely apathetic, lazy. I can't think straight. It started getting really bad when I had a small run in with encephalitis at christmas time, brought on by toxoplasmosis (I think). Nowdays I have constant headaches. I can't think half as well as I used to, and I've been having insanely depressive thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I don't even have any depressed thoughts, I just feel empty, staring into space. I can go from being extremely enthusiastic and productive for one whole day, and then go into extreme, mind-numbing depression for weeks on end. I feel like I'm on the verge of crying constantly but I can never actually cry. I honestly don't know what the fuck to do. I'm supposed to be getting a better job for myself so me and my girlfriend can finally move out of her parents house, but I just can't do it. I'm afraid I'll fuck up getting another job, I'm afraid that even if I get another job I'll lose it within a week, I'm afraid that I'm just going to keep getting worse and worse, that I'm going to end up doing something drastic and crazy, and I don't want to become that. I'm actually fucking scared for my self and the people around me. I've never felt like I've been at that point before until now, but that's all I can think. I've been on anti-depressants before and they were just a stop-gap. I'm afraid of going to a psychiatrist because I don't want anyone finding out about this. I don't want to be labeled as a crazy person. I just don't know what the hell to do. I don't have suicidal thoughts, but I'm afraid this is just the tip of the iceburg. And now I'm regretting writing this whole thing up, because my girlfriend reads facepunch from time to time. Sorry for making this my blog.[/QUOTE] trust me when i say this: nobody will treat you as a crazy person nor will anybody label you as a crazy person. go get help, seriously. i can't tell you how many of my friends have been to therapists/psychiatrists.

[QUOTE=JoeyZ;43597863]It was a good ride, you guys. This forum brought me years of joy from people all around the world. Thank you so much. You are good people, and I miss you already[/QUOTE] I know it's probably too late, but seriously, don't man. I absolutely love your art, and I'm not even bullshitting when I say it's an inspiration (a bit tacky but it's true). There's no way I could imagine the place you're at, and I can't really say it gets better because it hasn't for me. But regardless, I'd miss you and your amazing work. [editline]21st January 2014[/editline] I hope that doesn't come off as if I'm trying to guilt. I don't know what else to say.

I lost my dad. Whelp.

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;43601890]There's going to be no getting better and no positive as long as you see it that way. There's always something you can do, you have ultimate control over one thing and that is: your self and how you choose to and influence how you feel.[/QUOTE] What's the point of influencing myself if it won't change anything anymore. I wish I was born a normal person with a normal life instead of this shit. Not necesarily a happy life, I just want to be like a normal human person - have talents, hobbies, have friends and hang around with them, but no. Depression's ruining my current self, and it's ruining what's left of my future. Of course, some people would say "How can you know what your future is?" "Future is impossible to predict", etc, but in what state I am, it's not hard to predict.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43586156]What's the best way to suicide?[/QUOTE] Dying of old age is the best way to kill yourself

ohgod I feel like I fucked up so much. it might be a minor thing but it has really bothered me. some guys had been working hard on giving postal a title, and I had no clue. had given him a new one but quickly rebought another one to change it back. feel terrible, and am trembling. so anxious right now. doesn't feel good when you're a lonely person and a person I barely know of on facepunch seems to carry a grudge on me. saying "PredGD being terrible as always". doesn't really help my current situation, it only proves more that I'm just worthless. god I'm too affected by this kind of stuff [editline]21st January 2014[/editline] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1340194&p=43618354&viewfull=1#post43618354[/url] getting disagrees where I say I hope that I can be forgiven. I don't blame them, it's most likely in a jokingly manner or? I just want to lay down and cry, I hate myself. I do nothing but sit on facepunch all day long really. doing stuff that people remember really bothers me. I feel like I've made some dumb posts lately too, which haven't affected me that much, but when the comment "PredGD being terrible as always" kicked in I feel that people have a grudge against me. that they remember some of my dumb posts and judge me from those. do people really dislike me here? do people carry a grudge on me? I feel that people do, especially now. I feel I do nothing right. feeling disliked and hated at the only place I kinda feel at home doesn't feel good at all, especially when I barely have any social contacts outside of FP.

Don't worry, It was a simple misunderstanding and you're fine. People aren't literally beating you up over it and you fixed it quick anyways. I can't speak for who made the "Pred being terrible as usual" but I assume the joke of that post was that it honed in on you to an exaggerated extent for a minor screwup. I don't think people literally hate you, and of course you are welcome back. I hoped it was obvious our (or least some or our) posts were a comedic exaggeration because of how much time we put in (like how I jokingly compared you to Hitler). If you tell people you are taking it personally (with less detail), then I'm sure they would clarify (or respond with even more blatant humor).

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43586156]What's the best way to suicide?[/QUOTE] We are all committing suicide in the slowest form possible; Living.

i hate myself a lot. compared to my mother and most of my family members, i'm nothing. i sit on my ass and play games and jerk off to porn and i'm as pathetic as they get. i have a skewed vision of reality and how it should be and its fucked me hard. i feel like sometimes i was born too soon because i don't think i can handle what society has in store for me. i'm unsure if i have any diagnosed problems but i sat around talking to my mom and the phone over school work. i'm a lazy fuck who can't get any actual work done because i'd rather do something easier. i wanna change my habits and be a better person but every time i attempt to do it i fail miserably. and i don't even think about it. i go back to the same routine. i procrastinate immensely. i'm sure its all laziness in some way but its all getting to my head now and its making me miserable. i don't know what i wanna do in the future, meanwhile everyone of my peers is already set and i'm scratching my ass playing games. its very maddening. my whining is garbage in comparison to everyone else but..'i don't know. i just needed to vent about this again.

[QUOTE=Karahaut;43625015]i hate myself a lot. compared to my mother and most of my family members, i'm nothing. i sit on my ass and play games and jerk off to porn and i'm as pathetic as they get. i have a skewed vision of reality and how it should be and its fucked me hard. i feel like sometimes i was born too soon because i don't think i can handle what society has in store for me. i'm unsure if i have any diagnosed problems but i sat around talking to my mom and the phone over school work. i'm a lazy fuck who can't get any actual work done because i'd rather do something easier. i wanna change my habits and be a better person but every time i attempt to do it i fail miserably. and i don't even think about it. i go back to the same routine. i procrastinate immensely. i'm sure its all laziness in some way but its all getting to my head now and its making me miserable. i don't know what i wanna do in the future, meanwhile everyone of my peers is already set and i'm scratching my ass playing games. its very maddening. my whining is garbage in comparison to everyone else but..'i don't know. i just needed to vent about this again.[/QUOTE] Don't beat yourself up about venting. I think the only time anyone'd ever complain about someone getting their problems and stuff out there is if they're being obnoxious or whatever like "OMG MY STUPID NEGLECTFUL PARENTS DIDN'T BUY ME THE RIGHT IPHONE I HATE THIS FAMILY GONNA KILL MYSELF". If there's one thing I've learned it's that holding back on venting or talking about things that are really affecting you because you compare your issues with other people's and think that yours are "garbage" compared to theirs doesn't help you. You're almost always going to think that your own problems are lesser. Granted I don't exactly practise what I preach, venting can still be difficult after all, but I don't think you should worry about people judging you for it.

"If you don't have time to take a break and relax for 20 minutes a day, you should do it for an hour" Love that.

Guess I'm gonna stay without any further advice/help. I always feel so invisible. Anyways, many thanks for your attempt, InvaderNouga.

[QUOTE=Karahaut;43625015]i hate myself a lot. compared to my mother and most of my family members, i'm nothing. i sit on my ass and play games and jerk off to porn and i'm as pathetic as they get. i have a skewed vision of reality and how it should be and its fucked me hard. i feel like sometimes i was born too soon because i don't think i can handle what society has in store for me. i'm unsure if i have any diagnosed problems but i sat around talking to my mom and the phone over school work. i'm a lazy fuck who can't get any actual work done because i'd rather do something easier. i wanna change my habits and be a better person but every time i attempt to do it i fail miserably. and i don't even think about it. i go back to the same routine. i procrastinate immensely. i'm sure its all laziness in some way but its all getting to my head now and its making me miserable. i don't know what i wanna do in the future, meanwhile everyone of my peers is already set and i'm scratching my ass playing games. its very maddening. my whining is garbage in comparison to everyone else but..'i don't know. i just needed to vent about this again.[/QUOTE] You're not lazy, there's no need to hate yourself and it's okay to feel miserable. You're experiencing psychosocial role confusion with depressive symptoms. The existential questions you're suffering from are "Who am I?" and "What can I be?", it's just a phase. I promise that you will find yourself, some people just need more time. Maybe try spending more time with friends and tell them that you're miserable. Experiment and explore your surroundings, so that you may gain an emotional awareness of who you really are. "When you let go of who you are, you become what you might be." - Lao Tzu [editline]22nd January 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=KandyMan;43629725]Guess I'm gonna stay without any further advice/help. I always feel so invisible. Anyways, many thanks for your attempt, InvaderNouga.[/QUOTE] Tell me more about your situation friend.

This morning when I woke up, it shocked me to realise I get invited to things in my dreams more than I do in my life.

Up to 10mg of cipralex and my anxiety is more or less gone. Had to stop lifting heavy, cuz of my scoliosis, and it was making my life a living hell. Everything seems to be mellowing down a bit. Still get really fucking tired in the middle of the day. The problem now is that I now have suddenly gotten more depressed, since the lack of anxiety has created a big hole of nothingness that needs to be filled. Shit sucks, but I find it easier to overcome depression than anxiety.

I got in an argument today with someone online when I voiced my concern for something trivial. Argument didn't end well. This seems to happen a lot when I argue with people online. The thing I worry about the most is that I can't really see what's making the other person upset when I'm arguing. [editline]59[/editline] Funny thing, last night I had a dream about encountering that same trivial issue and bringing it up. Which later in the day prompt me to bring it up. If I know any better, my subconscious is a time traveler and is out to get me.

I've been oscillating between anxiety and depression again, but the other day I did a lot of push-ups and sit-ups (and looked up proper form for the first time... 1000x better than before) and I haven't felt especially anxious or depressed since then. I think it's a sign I should exercise and meditate more often.

All my gym buddies keep flaking, and I really want to keep this mood high going from all the exercise I do. Exercising alone fucking blows

Fuck wakes. Especially for immediate family. Also, I'm a shit writer and they want me to speak at the memorial tomorrow. I'm better with coming up with shit off the top of my head, and I vaguely know what to say, but my mom wants it in writing so I have to oblige. fuck this whole week.

Anyone think of religion when they're depressed I've been thinking of religion usually when I have nothing else to do. It's usually about hell, the bible, St. Peter, and the devil. [QUOTE=Mr. Bleak;43648247]All my gym buddies keep flaking, and I really want to keep this mood high going from all the exercise I do. Exercising alone fucking blows[/QUOTE] I would totally exercise with you if I could. I need it more than anyone.

Recommending exercise to all who have time to waste. It's helped me with suicidal thoughts, "self-portration" and generally made me feel better with myself.

My doctor halfed my dosage of Effexor (Venlafaxine). Hopefully I'll be fully off of anti-depressants by my next med checkup. I've come a long way in the two years since my last hospitalization, I hope you all can break through your depression or whatever issues you may face.

I'm 16 and got some.. well teenage probs? Girls etc. not even sure if it's worthy of this thread. but I went through alot when I was a kid... Should I even bother to share? [editline]25th January 2014[/editline] I probably shouldn't have posted, Bye