Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

When I wake up in the morning there are sometimes a few blissful minutes where i haven't remembered there was anything wrong

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;43685300]Sorry you had a bad experience with anti - depressants, but there's no way for a provider to definitely know what works for you and doesn't right off the bat. Also I'm gonna 100% disagree with you and say most people benefit from the right anti-depressants. Another thing with anti depressants is that they can make you worse before you get better, they can take a long time to build up their therapeutic effect so you HAVE to keep with them during their warm up period. Also consider this....people like to point the finger at anti-depressants for not working but I ask those same people, what have you been doing besides medication to cope and overcome depression? That has a huge effect too.[/QUOTE] Also, you know why those meds may not work OR they may even fuck up your feelings even more? The placebo effect.

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;43685300]Sorry you had a bad experience with anti - depressants, but there's no way for a provider to definitely know what works for you and doesn't right off the bat. Also I'm gonna 100% disagree with you and say most people benefit from the right anti-depressants. Another thing with anti depressants is that they can make you worse before you get better, they can take a long time to build up their therapeutic effect so you HAVE to keep with them during their warm up period. Also consider this....people like to point the finger at anti-depressants for not working but I ask those same people, what have you been doing besides medication to cope and overcome depression? That has a huge effect too.[/QUOTE] Believe it or not, I've been trying my best to keep myself on a positive mindset and focussing on the positives, and have been reading self-help books for a year. And, I shit you not, the books have been working for me. 100% better than the anti-depressants. As well as blocking the negative and fucked up people out of my life. That, and I've been on Sertraline for a good 2 years before that, and it's done nothing but made me feel like a zombie for 2 years, nothing more and nothing less. I keep a straight face all the time and whenever I tried to crack a smile my face ached like hell so I had no choice but to keep a straight face. Everyone in college at the time kept asking me if I was okay because they always thought something was wrong because I never smiled. Anyway, yeah. Many people I know and online and here believe that the medication hasn't worked for them, and I am one of those people. I just felt like a test subject for 3 or 4 years. Them having me try different pills and etc. >.<

i don't feel like living anymore.

[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;43667733]-motivationaltext-[/QUOTE] Thank you for your response. I wish I wouldn't have broken my sense of positivity. I have dived so deep in depression, I literally cannot see anything positive anymore. There are people that tell me to grow up, stop being such a baby, look at everything from the opposite side and all that, but I just cannot manage to succesfully accomplish that. I feel so crippled, everything feels so offensive to me. I've tried taking medicine and taking lessons, but the medicine did not work, even worse, it made me really sick, almost to a point of fainting and vomiting. The lessons, as I stated previously, did not help purely because no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I motivate myself, I cannot accomplish anything. And that's just trying to motivate myself to see positivity, don't get me started on trying to get friends. People all around me despise me, I rarely hear any positive words about me, heck, I can't even recall the last time I heard ANYTHING positive about me, and no matter how much I try to help the situation, it only seems to get worse. Also, yes, I posted here even tho I said that I'm "gonna look for advice elsewhere". Go ahead and call me an attention-whoring idiot or anything related. I am so used to insults, it's like a part of my lifestyle now.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43688389]Thank you for your response. I wish I wouldn't have broken my sense of positivity. I have dived so deep in depression, I literally cannot see anything positive anymore. There are people that tell me to grow up, stop being such a baby, look at everything from the opposite side and all that, but I just cannot manage to succesfully accomplish that. I feel so crippled, everything feels so offensive to me. I've tried taking medicine and taking lessons, but the medicine did not work, even worse, it made me really sick, almost to a point of fainting and vomiting. The lessons, as I stated previously, did not help purely because no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I motivate myself, I cannot accomplish anything. And that's just trying to motivate myself to see positivity, don't get me started on trying to get friends. People all around me despise me, I rarely hear any positive words about me, heck, I can't even recall the last time I heard ANYTHING positive about me, and no matter how much I try to help the situation, it only seems to get worse. Also, yes, I posted here even tho I said that I'm "gonna look for advice elsewhere". Go ahead and call me an attention-whoring idiot or anything related. I am so used to insults, it's like a part of my lifestyle now.[/QUOTE] We should meet up. I mean, in real life meet up. Where do you live? At least we will be able to help ourselves. We're both in trouble.

3rd job interview, 3rd rejection. Here's to many more.

Going through alot of shit recently. Hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, constantly down, I just broke up with a girl after 8 months and she used to kick the shit out of me. I just don't see any point in being here, every day it's the same! I'm here to help anyone that needs it. I know what it's like. [editline]27th January 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=KillerSlash;43691611]3rd job interview, 3rd rejection. Here's to many more.[/QUOTE] I know it man. Went for a job interview at the council and I recieved a phone call that day saying I didn't get it, although I almost did. Downer.

[QUOTE=aeeeerse;43691671]Going through alot of shit recently. Hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, constantly down, I just broke up with a girl after 8 months and she used to kick the shit out of me. I just don't see any point in being here, every day it's the same! I'm here to help anyone that needs it. I know what it's like. [editline]27th January 2014[/editline] I know it man. Went for a job interview at the council and I recieved a phone call that day saying I didn't get it, although I almost did. Downer.[/QUOTE] That's life for us Brits. Keep looking for jobs until they've ran out, and then keep looking...

I've been meaning to post on here for awhile. It's really the only place I could think of to help get these things outta my head. Yesterday I had one of my mental breakdowns, I just kinda lost all control and hope. I was completely thrown into a fit of despair. I truly did not see a reason to live at that moment and kept having a train of thought that basically kept asking why I am still alive and that no one cares for me. I actually broke down really badly and started crying uncontrollably, balling myself up on the floor. Anyways, I am diagnosed with depression, have anger problems and frequent panic attacks on top of my tendency to bottle things up. I was originally living with my mother but we were homeless for a few months. I dropped out of school shortly before we were evicted from our house. Thinking back I get a little teary eyed because as my mom worded at the therapist awhile back, we had a nice little home with our dog and cat. It was a home to me and it's pretty much never coming back. I am currently staying with my dad though who used to be a pretty big druggie (heroin and whatnot) and is a raging asshole with anger problems of his own. I live in his apartment along with his stuck-up successful wife who constantly looks down on me for what I do and taunts me when the arguments start up, intentionally provoking me. Well for now I just have no sense of what I want in life, or who I am. I'm shy and don't have many friends. I really need to get out of this house, it's driving me crazy. My father wasn't there for me at all and now he's here trying to make up for things by trying too hard to teach me shit and getting angry at me over the smallest things. I'm working on saving money so I can move out of here and be free but money doesn't come easy. I know this sounds a lot like a parent rant but it's really not. I just have all these problems floating around me and the my dad is the prominent one. He's a stubborn asshole who doesn't really show any affection for me at all. I just can't find peace with any of it. In my head I am just pleading for a nice life without the stresses I am currently under. I feel so powerless and hopeless. I want attention but at the same time I want to be left alone. That's just one of my many conflicting emotions. I probably worded this really randomly but this is just what is pumping through my head at the moment. I can't think clearly at all right now. I really can't stand any of this. I'll elaborate more if anyone cares.

I got extremely depressed and angry for the longest time in the last few years this week and last week and launched two giant shit storms in SH as an outlet and it's coming back to bite me in the ass since my random pondering is one of my most valuable assets and I found all sorts of giant flaws in my thinking and I feel like a pseudo-intellectual and I wrote long apologies and excuses but those are just cluttering the threads more. I get into something of a reverse existential crisis every now and then because I try to justify my own worldviews using nihilism and other abstract trains of thought and when I expose those thoughts I get crushed by either exposing flaws in them myself or having others crush them. And another problem I have is I constantly repeat things in extremely different wording because I can't help but go on a terrible tangent of anger/depression/anxiety fueled... something... every time I see something distressing. This is the worst I've felt since I was still taking anti-anxiety medication. Anyway, I got anxiety, depression, and just recently problems with anger (though only in the sense that I keep getting outraged at the smallest things, not that I'm going to hurt anything), and it is doing strange things to me and all of my thoughts that I can only partially explain, and making me do things stupid enough to warrant calling me a pseudo-intellectual. It physically hurts, too, what with the way my temperature soars and I get this weird churning feeling all over and a headache and it is uncomfortable in every way. [editline]28th January 2014[/editline] All that's in my head right now is hatred for certain groups of people, self pity, self loathing because I have this problem where I take every single criticism anyone makes of me to heart while also ignoring it at the same time, and an inexplicable burning aching churning sensation like is in my chest. Maybe this is some lesser form of an anxiety attack, hyperthyroidism causes things like this during stress, so you never know, maybe mine could be going like it did with my mother.

shoot, dude for what it's worth - I'm sorry

[QUOTE=Juniez;43697809]shoot for what it's worth - I'm sorry[/QUOTE] Not your fault, but thanks.

I used to like talking to people, discuss about popular trends in my circles of friends. Now I'm really mute. The only reason I post here because it seems like the only available place where I can vent out. And while on topic of that, I actually feel like a huge idiot posting here. Everyone here has real problems, while I'm just a sad excuse for a human being, threadshitting and annoying everyone. If you guys want me to, I can snip all my posts and stop posting. Just reply so.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43699598]I used to like talking to people, discuss about popular trends in my circles of friends. Now I'm really mute. The only reason I post here because it seems like the only available place where I can vent out. And while on topic of that, I actually feel like a huge idiot posting here. Everyone here has real problems, while I'm just a sad excuse for a human being, threadshitting and annoying everyone. If you guys want me to, I can snip all my posts and stop posting. Just reply so.[/QUOTE] Just because everyone else has problems too, it still doesn't negate the ones you have. If you need to vent, vent. That's what this thread is for, I think.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;43697762]I got extremely depressed and angry for the longest time in the last few years this week and last week and launched two giant shit storms in SH as an outlet and it's coming back to bite me in the ass since my random pondering is one of my most valuable assets and I found all sorts of giant flaws in my thinking and I feel like a pseudo-intellectual and I wrote long apologies and excuses but those are just cluttering the threads more. I get into something of a reverse existential crisis every now and then because I try to justify my own worldviews using nihilism and other abstract trains of thought and when I expose those thoughts I get crushed by either exposing flaws in them myself or having others crush them. And another problem I have is I constantly repeat things in extremely different wording because I can't help but go on a terrible tangent of anger/depression/anxiety fueled... something... every time I see something distressing. This is the worst I've felt since I was still taking anti-anxiety medication. Anyway, I got anxiety, depression, and just recently problems with anger (though only in the sense that I keep getting outraged at the smallest things, not that I'm going to hurt anything), and it is doing strange things to me and all of my thoughts that I can only partially explain, and making me do things stupid enough to warrant calling me a pseudo-intellectual. It physically hurts, too, what with the way my temperature soars and I get this weird churning feeling all over and a headache and it is uncomfortable in every way. [editline]28th January 2014[/editline] All that's in my head right now is hatred for certain groups of people, self pity, self loathing because I have this problem where I take every single criticism anyone makes of me to heart while also ignoring it at the same time, and an inexplicable burning aching churning sensation like is in my chest. Maybe this is some lesser form of an anxiety attack, hyperthyroidism causes things like this during stress, so you never know, maybe mine could be going like it did with my mother.[/QUOTE] Is this me speaking? Reading through this post made me think in my head "Is this really me writing? I feel like I experience the exact same shit everyday" Dude, we need to help ourselves. In fact, every single person needs to help each other. That's the only way we can get out of this mess.

I can't sleep... Because I'm a fucking wussy that is upset because I had to reach a train and the girl I've been having problems with didn't reach it. She is always waiting for me and I feel like a dick for just leaving her behind. And she won't answer my messages so I feel like shit, because I feel like I just made everything worse... Any tips on how to fall asleep?

hello depression thread, more ranting to be done. been feeling very empty lately. sad, depressed, generally empty. don't have much motivation for anything really. the girl I've been relying on when it comes to social interaction haven't spoken with me since 23th of januar. almost a week now, a week too much for me. and I was the one who contacted her that day, ughh... it's be expected I suppose since I'm not that good at contacting her. my anxiety is getting worse too. passing people outdoors is way too much for me. I could take walks all around the town just a month ago, now I've reached a point where I'll turn not even halfway into the trip. not even a quarter into it. whenever I take these walks I end up thinking about accidents. like a person stabbing me, getting hit by a car, falling down a cliff side, etc etc. it's almost like my mind screams at me to get injuried, yet I'm not quite sure why I have these thoughts in my head. what I think is that I'd like to see what peoples reaction would be if I was gone, or managed to get really badly hurt.

[QUOTE=PredGD;43704820] whenever I take these walks I end up thinking about accidents. like a person stabbing me, getting hit by a car, falling down a cliff side, etc etc. it's almost like my mind screams at me to get injuried, yet I'm not quite sure why I have these thoughts in my head. what I think is that I'd like to see what peoples reaction would be if I was gone, or managed to get really badly hurt.[/QUOTE] Accidents are the only thing that I am thinking about as of late. Every time that I am walking home, I always have a huge urge to jump out in front of a car, but I'm too much of a coward to do it. It's like the resolution to all the problems is right at the tip of my hand, but I just can't reach it only because of how cowardly I am.

Happened to see this thread in the JewWario thread in the news, figured i might as well post some things that i have never let out in the open. I am currently 20, and have had depression issues since i was about 10. I believe it may have started due to bullying at school, making me feel pretty much worthless. Between 10 and 14, i did somewhat attempt suicide.. though, i tried means that really had a low chance of being successful. Things like choking myself, punching myself repeatedly in the head. By 15 or so, i realized that suicide really wasnt the best thing to do. By 16, still feeling worthless and spending most of my nights depressed, things got worse when i started to realize that no girl had ever been interested in me. I hung out with my older cousin and his friends a bunch, and was the only virgin. Being the only virgin among the people i hung out with was another thing that really added to my depression. By 18, i felt worthless, felt like no girl would ever have an interest in me, and that i would surely die a virgin. I spent quite a few days just laying in bed, with voices in my head yelling at me, saying i was worthless and many other things. It was around then that i started spending many nights crying until i passed out from being overly tired and exhausted. At 20, i was recently put on an anti-depressent to see if itd help with headaches. Helps them, but sure doesnt help the depression. Now, i have come to terms with some of my depression. I accept the fact that i will be spending my life alone, i accept the fact that i am worthless. Around 8 months ago, i suddenly became sick with what i believe is IBS-D. Basically, with no meds, i spend most of my day in the bathroom with watery diarrhea. If i take 14-18 imodium per day, i only spend about 4-5 hours of each day in the bathroom. Seen 3 doctors, spent thousands on testing, accomplished nothing but feeding my depression. I feel absolutely horrible for wasting so much time and money on tests and medicine. Id say at this point, my depression has more control of me than ever and is worse than ever. I do my best to control it, though its hard when i agree with the thoughts

I act almost irrationally all the time and it's causing me to do weird things. Just now I deleted everyone off my steam friends and Facebook, like a part of me wanted to be completely alone and isolated. I do this shit all the time like it's a good thing, or I do it for attention even though I know it's wrong. I get really aggressive and agitated at trivial things, and it's starting to affect my mentality on life. I guess it's a pretty small issue in comparison to other people's problems here, but I've dug myself so deep in this that I don't know what else to do and that it's all hopeless.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43699598]I used to like talking to people, discuss about popular trends in my circles of friends. Now I'm really mute. The only reason I post here because it seems like the only available place where I can vent out. And while on topic of that, I actually feel like a huge idiot posting here. Everyone here has real problems, while I'm just a sad excuse for a human being, threadshitting and annoying everyone. If you guys want me to, I can snip all my posts and stop posting. Just reply so.[/QUOTE] I think (and hope) I speak for everyone here when I say 'go ahead'. Every problem is a problem, don't compare it. In fact, if you've been having thoughts of suicide, I would consider your issues pretty goddamn serious, regardless of your situation. And if it means anything, I can't honestly say I've found your posts annoying. Troublingly depressive, sure, but this is where those posts go.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;43699598]I used to like talking to people, discuss about popular trends in my circles of friends. Now I'm really mute. The only reason I post here because it seems like the only available place where I can vent out. And while on topic of that, I actually feel like a huge idiot posting here. Everyone here has real problems, while I'm just a sad excuse for a human being, threadshitting and annoying everyone. If you guys want me to, I can snip all my posts and stop posting. Just reply so.[/QUOTE] You should fucking stop thinking like that. Depression is guilt for doing/not doing something; it can be easily fixed by not giving a shit. Or, doing something. Or talking with somebody. Or start doing random crap to make you feel weird. I once remember being in a EXTREMELY WEIRD STATE that later, I've found out, was a very serious case of depression. I did all sorts of random shit (acting like an autist + tourettes), but for some reason, I snapped at one point. Luckily, my parents were nearby, so I vented everything out of myself. Then, the entire day was 2000% better.

-snip-

Not too sure what to do at this point in life. I've got the work experience from this terrible job but finding it another job now seems like a bad idea as there's bills to pay and looks like I need a bit more education instead of false hope/aspirations. I am determined to make this job strictly a part time thing as it's really that bad, it drains you mentally at times and it's a surprise that our team has endured it for 3 years and only now have we all got our seperate life plans sorted out to try and leave it's evil clutches. I'm just more drained mentally from my job than physically, there was a time where I was very enthusiastic about this job but it's pretty much died away. I've seen too many cool people who I made friends with leave and it's left me quite lonely at work in the end. Used to enjoy discussing games with someone at work as well as enjoying their company at the weekends but they moved on and haven't seen/heard from them since. Basically this job is killing me. The office is cheap, the toilets really suck (they even put screws in the window so you can't open them when someone takes a vomit inducing shit and forgets to flush), the managers give you headaches, the work is so tedious it's quite likely they forgot to mention that you were applying for the position of dogsbody, the furniture is so old that I feel almost bad for the health/safety people in the office because if your chair sucks chances are that replacing it will only result in someone else taking it because their chair is of equal suckage. Argh... Well that was all I could rant about today. Thinking about it though, if I were to just stick at this job eventually they will improve these things or we'd become obsolete somehow which does give me just enough hope to make it through those hard days at work.

[QUOTE=Rexxasaurus;43708072]I act almost irrationally all the time and it's causing me to do weird things. Just now I deleted everyone off my steam friends and Facebook, like a part of me wanted to be completely alone and isolated. I do this shit all the time like it's a good thing, or I do it for attention even though I know it's wrong. I get really aggressive and agitated at trivial things, and it's starting to affect my mentality on life. I guess it's a pretty small issue in comparison to other people's problems here, but I've dug myself so deep in this that I don't know what else to do and that it's all hopeless.[/QUOTE] You seem to suffer from a mood disorder, maybe Bipolar Disorder. People with Bipolar Disorder can't regulate their emotional response to impulses, it has to do with a genetic predisposition where the hippocampus and amygdala are smaller than in general. The hippocampal function is thought to be navigation, inhibition of impulses and handling some forms of memory. The amygdala is responsible for emotional reactions, so you see, an impulse from a thought escapes much easier to an actual reaction if these two brain functions are lowered. Maybe you recognize these symptoms? I myself suffer from Bipolar Disorder, and your post reminds me of me before I was medicated. Could be coincidental though, try reading about it. [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder[/url]

I literally [i]just[/i] started breaking right down. I feel so forlorn, broken and hopeless at this point that I really don't know what to do. The only person I feel like I can talk to about the specifics seems to not care at all. I don't get it. I've always been there for her when she was having issues, but now that I'm in a really bad rut, she all of a sudden has better things to do. She is legitimately probably role-playing with one of her Tumblr friends right now. I just don't understand it. I don't understand why she would presumably rather live out sexual frustration by pretending to have gay sex (she's straight, so I don't really get it tbh) over Tumblr than, even just once, helping out the person who she has said had saved her life when she was contemplating suicide. I really don't get it. I have asked her for some help. And it's not like this is the first time this has happened. Last time I had a bad depression (I'm bipolar) she outright said she was busy role-playing. I asked her about fifteen minutes ago if I could talk to her and, just now, she went offline. Indicators say she had read the message, too. She always does this, and I really need her to be there right now. I honestly feel like I'm about to black out.

-snip-

[QUOTE=Magic Scrumpy;43721361]I literally [i]just[/i] started breaking right down. I feel so forlorn, broken and hopeless at this point that I really don't know what to do. The only person I feel like I can talk to about the specifics seems to not care at all. I don't get it. I've always been there for her when she was having issues, but now that I'm in a really bad rut, she all of a sudden has better things to do. She is legitimately probably role-playing with one of her Tumblr friends right now. I just don't understand it. I don't understand why she would presumably rather live out sexual frustration by pretending to have gay sex (she's straight, so I don't really get it tbh) over Tumblr than, even just once, helping out the person who she has said had saved her life when she was contemplating suicide. I really don't get it. I have asked her for some help. And it's not like this is the first time this has happened. Last time I had a bad depression (I'm bipolar) she outright said she was busy role-playing. I asked her about fifteen minutes ago if I could talk to her and, just now, she went offline. Indicators say she had read the message, too. She always does this, and I really need her to be there right now. I honestly feel like I'm about to black out.[/QUOTE] It seems you are ventilating your emotions on someone whom practically can't empathize with your state of well being. Tell us more about your situation, we serve you with compassion. I'm also Bipolar so in one way or another, I may understand what you're going through. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel like a piece of smelly shit on the sidewalk. There's always darkness before dawn, you just have to wait for the sunrise, you will endure this. You have to believe that your soul is strong enough. Send me a private message if you wish to talk details in private.

I really do feel like she's the only one I can talk to about it, though. She has directly seen me go through almost all of the things that contribute to this stress and depression. I've tried to talk to other people--people I know and Facepunchers alike--but they always say something like "just get over it" or, in one (in-person) case, "who the hell actually cares," and that has made it harder for me to open up to people. I don't even specifically want to get help; I just want to be able to vent specifically to her because I feel like she's the only one who would not entirely dismiss it. When she was having issues, even if I didn't know what to do or say I would at least let her get shit off her chest, so why can't she return that favor? It legitimately sickens me that she picks her Tumblr-roleplay-fuck-buddy over someone who actually needs the help. She has told me before that I have legitimately saved her life, so it really hurts that she just runs away to talk to the "more fun" person.