Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

"Do something Nice for some person in hope they will return it". Trust me, sometimes people "betray" you. One of my trombone buddies I helped when she was down didn't return it to me when I said I need someone to hug because I felt down. She probably believed that I was into her, but you can't blame her for not helping because you expect her to. Sorry, but that is the truth. You can vent out to me, or other people in here, but some people will run away or just send you over to "professionals". Trust me, I have first hand experience with most of the things when comed to trust/betraying.

[QUOTE=Magic Scrumpy;43723965]I really do feel like she's the only one I can talk to about it, though. She has directly seen me go through almost all of the things that contribute to this stress and depression. I've tried to talk to other people--people I know and Facepunchers alike--but they always say something like "just get over it" or, in one (in-person) case, "who the hell actually cares," and that has made it harder for me to open up to people. I don't even specifically want to get help; I just want to be able to vent specifically to her because I feel like she's the only one who would not entirely dismiss it. When she was having issues, even if I didn't know what to do or say I would at least let her get shit off her chest, so why can't she return that favor? It legitimately sickens me that she picks her Tumblr-roleplay-fuck-buddy over someone who actually needs the help. She has told me before that I have legitimately saved her life, so it really hurts that she just runs away to talk to the "more fun" person.[/QUOTE] Why don't you tell her what you think?

-snip-

been feeling really down lately. I haven't spoken to anyone IRL in too long now other than my mother. I don't eat dinner with my family since I feel uncomfortable sitting up there. walks are getting harder to accomplish. I barely open the door out of my room now, and if I do it's to give the toilet a visit or get something to drink. I should probably put effort into fixing this stuff but I really don't have the motivation. it's a lot easier to just sit down here and let it happen rather than to fix it. my only social outlet recently has been my newly started minecraft server and another facepuncher. main reason I'm here now is because I think I pissed off this facepuncher by doing something. was messing around with him and decided to push him off a cliff on my server, after that he went really silent. disconnected without saying much, asked him if he was okay, said he was. shrugged it off there, decided to play some KF. forgot about stuff then. was done playing and saw him on the server so decided to get on too. no words at all. it felt like something was wrong since he didn't say what he used to say. didn't say hi like usual, no small talk on steam either. so I carried on with a really uncomfortable feeling in me. decided to go mining some on our project. after a while he asked me if I was down there, so I said yes. he came down to help me mine. no words exchanged during the mining. we finished that layer of 3k blocks aprox, and usually we'd be pretty happy about finally finishing up but not this time. no "victory dance" no "yay" in the chat. we just left the room after some awkward seconds, and then he disconnected. then we barely talked on steam and said he went for sleep. [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG]

I feel passionless and empty. I hardly talk to anybody anymore and I'm no longer pursuing my goals. I'm not happy or sad, just disappointed.

I'm leaving this state in five hours. Going back home. I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life but maybe that's okay. I do not feel excited for the future, exactly, but I am glad that I will have washed my hands of all of this shit and maybe something good will happen eventually. I have been sick for a long time, and the suicidal girlfriend only made things worse, but while it is going to be a long road to recovery this is all a start. :downs:

[QUOTE=PredGD;43729986]been feeling really down lately. I haven't spoken to anyone IRL in too long now other than my mother. I don't eat dinner with my family since I feel uncomfortable sitting up there. walks are getting harder to accomplish. I barely open the door out of my room now, and if I do it's to give the toilet a visit or get something to drink. I should probably put effort into fixing this stuff but I really don't have the motivation. it's a lot easier to just sit down here and let it happen rather than to fix it. my only social outlet recently has been my newly started minecraft server and another facepuncher. main reason I'm here now is because I think I pissed off this facepuncher by doing something. was messing around with him and decided to push him off a cliff on my server, after that he went really silent. disconnected without saying much, asked him if he was okay, said he was. shrugged it off there, decided to play some KF. forgot about stuff then. was done playing and saw him on the server so decided to get on too. no words at all. it felt like something was wrong since he didn't say what he used to say. didn't say hi like usual, no small talk on steam either. so I carried on with a really uncomfortable feeling in me. decided to go mining some on our project. after a while he asked me if I was down there, so I said yes. he came down to help me mine. no words exchanged during the mining. we finished that layer of 3k blocks aprox, and usually we'd be pretty happy about finally finishing up but not this time. no "victory dance" no "yay" in the chat. we just left the room after some awkward seconds, and then he disconnected. then we barely talked on steam and said he went for sleep. [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG][/QUOTE] I wish I could join that MC server you're talking about.

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[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;43738857](snipped)[/QUOTE] It's not normal, but it's reasonable. But don't do it. I've been there too, just hang in. It seems pointless but things will change for the better.

[QUOTE=Antivirus_404;43736824]I wish I could join that MC server you're talking about.[/QUOTE] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1349140[/url] here!

[QUOTE=Deadrights;43756162]my parents took me out of public school and homeschooled me for their own dumb religious reasons. isolated from the world, no interaction with anyone but my parents. how could they think that was a good idea? the big part though is, they stopped teaching me. they just stopped. never cared to put me back in public school. i barely have a 6th grade education. scary. i didn't really care though at the time, because i didn't have to do work anymore. i could play all i wanted, after all thats what any kid wants. but now that im older im panicking badly. what the fuck do do know? how do i fix this? what will this mean for my future? its been pretty much been constantly on my mind for the last 2 years. my mind is constantly racing back and forth, i need a break. i don't know how my parents got by without someone asking why i wasn't in school, by the way. i haven't ever been to reveal my little secret for reasons. fear that people might judge me for it, laugh at me because of it, etc. i'd like to make friends with some people here, so what if they saw it? scared, alone and don't know what to do i need a shower [editline]1st February 2014[/editline] a bit of an add-on, im 16 right now. just a few months away from 17. i feel like if i dont do something now im going to be stuck like this forever they don't really care about me either. everytime i asked then about this they brushed me off like its no big deal[/QUOTE] A lot of things you learn in school are unnecessary as you'll never use them. Do you have any careers you might want to get in the future? Start reading up things about them online. You'll want to learn what you're actually interested in. I'd start studying for the GED and SAT as well. The GED is easy but the SAT is actually challenging and you will need a lot of the knowledge you'd gain in high school to complete one. They have study books out there for both tests.

Going back to school for the first time in 2 weeks tomorrow. Really don't want to see all my friends. it's gonna be sad :c

How can I seek help without any friends or family learning of it?

[QUOTE=ForDaNords;43766753]How can I seek help without any friends or family learning of it?[/QUOTE] There will be 2 factors that depend on that. First, your age. if you are over 18, nobody in your family can get any of your medical records or anything unless you sign a release because you are an adult. Not sure about if you're under 18. Second is insurance. if you are on your family's health insurance, you can't have a provider bill the insurance if you want it to stay your knowledge only. if you have your own insurance, you're golden. if you have no insurance at all, it will limit your options. you could self pay, but that is very expensive most of the time. also depending on your circumstances, you can get assistance from the government, medicaid, etc. and that will stay your business if you;re over 18.

If you are under 18 is going to be difficult. I had to watch my back and be sure no one knew. Had to skip a local LANparty to make it go around. There are probably something on the internet, I think Blahtherapy.com had something with professionals talking to you. Hope you doesn't get caught.

I don't really know about being secretive about this kind of stuff, parents can be really supportive sometimes. It is really helpful when both parties are able to deal with therapists. And nowadays going to therapy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it is a great way to learn about yourself. I'd recommend everyone to see one if it would be easy.

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;43769134]I don't really know about being secretive about this kind of stuff, parents can be really supportive sometimes. It is really helpful when both parties are able to deal with therapists. And nowadays going to therapy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it is a great way to learn about yourself. I'd recommend everyone to see one if it would be easy.[/QUOTE] While involving other people may be in your best interest, it is possible that it could do more harm than good. There are families and communities that don't understand, or even actively shun people who they see as mentally ill. I have family members who refer to the psych ward as the "funny farm" even though they know I've been multiple times. Frankly, it is disgusting how backwards and uncaring some people can be. The stigma is real.

My brother barely recognized me when he came to pick me up at the airport. He said I look like I've given up on life, which is...almost true. :v: No one really knows a thing about what I have been through over the past year, especially the past four or five months. I just haven't talked about it with anyone besides going off on whiny emotional tangents on Internet forums. So I guess I can see how it was pretty jarring to see me like that. It's also a lot harder to connect with my old friends and even my family, but they haven't changed. I have. I am a completely different person than who I used to be. Before I used to enjoy hanging out and bullshitting, now all I do is read book after book and get lost in researching shit to take my mind off everything. I'm not exactly depressed about it, because I enjoy what I'm doing, although it is kind of a bummer that I don't really have friends anymore. I guess I don't know what I am feeling or how to feel these days and I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. I do feel good about the decision to move, though. That is important, right? [QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;43769583]While involving other people may be in your best interest, it is possible that it could do more harm than good. There are families and communities that don't understand, or even actively shun people who they see as mentally ill. I have family members who refer to the psych ward as the "funny farm" even though they know I've been multiple times. Frankly, it is disgusting how backwards and uncaring some people can be. The stigma is real.[/QUOTE] Also I just want to say thank you because you are one of the the friendliest and swellest guys I can think of and you contribute a lot to the thread.

wish I could read people more easily. the girl I've been posting a lot about here messaged me today, woohoo. made me happy of course that she hasn't completely forgotten about me, but now that we're done talking I've begun overthinking again. as always, we'd talk about my issues and how I'm doing. decided to ask her how she's holding up, and I got a simple answer "it's okay :)". maybe she doesn't wanna talk about it? ughh, I'm tired of talking about myself to her, wish I could be kinda helpful to her too.

I need to post this, I need someplace to vent *again*. You know, I'm honestly concerned about my future. I don't know why, but everyone seems to make fun out of me and not tend to look at me seriously; I guess I know what's the problem... I've noticed that I can't make good jokes at all. Whenever I try to make one, all I get is just silence... Second, I seem to get rused waaaaaaaay too fast. Whenever someone makes at least a *slight* ruse, I instantly get all mad, I instantly react in a bad way. I know what you would say - you should control it - but I've had this problem for all the time I can remember. I just can't control it... I can do whatever the hell I want, but people somehow still clearly get that I didn't like something or stuff like that, even when I try to control myself and I seem not to do anything out of the ordinary. It's really pissing me off. Perhaps I'm really just an autist? And whenever my friends or someone are talking, I just don't know what to say. Most of the time if I interject, they either end up not listening to me, or I just say something incredibly stupid. Couple this with my immense anger that comes out of playing video games (but I've got nothing else to do because above), and I really am that weirdo type of guy people would talk about. I honestly fear that I'm going to be that incredibly socially awkward guy that can NEVER, I repeat, NEVER talk on-topic and make sense. I will not have good friends, I will not have a girlfriend, and the only people that I will be able to rely on are my parents. Perhaps I should just pack my stuff and disappear? Like, disappear, live like a hermit so that nobody would know where I actually am? I had these ideas lately... No, but seriously, what do I do?

[QUOTE=PredGD;43773436]wish I could read people more easily. the girl I've been posting a lot about here messaged me today, woohoo. made me happy of course that she hasn't completely forgotten about me, but now that we're done talking I've begun overthinking again. as always, we'd talk about my issues and how I'm doing. decided to ask her how she's holding up, and I got a simple answer "it's okay :)". maybe she doesn't wanna talk about it? ughh, I'm tired of talking about myself to her, wish I could be kinda helpful to her too.[/QUOTE] Does she usually not have a lot of issues? I think she sounds like she was genuinely fine, rather than trying to abruptly drop the conversation. I would try sparking a new conversation requiring her input and see how she responds then.

I'm withdrawing from my university english courses. It's not even a real university course. It's just prep courses to upgrade. It's so humiliating when I'm in a grade 11 level class and I can't comprehend something as simple as an essay. The topics alone are enough to push my anxiety over, even with a doubled perscription dose. Succeeding in school, a point in a relationship, a best friend... I can't apply to these topics unless I completely lie and it looks so bad when I do because I honestly don't know half of what everyone else around me does at life. I want to withdraw from math as well because again I'm not even in a university course and I'm crashing and burning for a second consecutive term but my father insists I remain. I just want to go back to the factory floor where I was at least able to communicate with someone. I have not even talked face to face to ANYONE who remotely could be considered a friend in almost two months and believe me, it's not fun. The complaint is that if I just go back to my joe-job I will have no security but I'm sorry, job security is for people who can at least understand linear equations and prepositional phrases. As much as I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck I can assure you my name ain't written in the stars so I can just do what I've laways been told: Shut up you pansey and fucking deal with it. [editline]3rd February 2014[/editline] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1266490&p=43779158&viewfull=1#post43779158[/url] THIS ISN'T MAKING ME FEEL ANY FUCKING BETTER. I'm already on the fucking edge with my problems. Yes I'm aware this is the internet but THIS isn't what I'm fucking here for! Who else do you think they are referring to? Me. Yes! Me! HA-HA, I"m the guy who can't fucking upgrade any of his shit and is the running joke around these parts because he's stuck in the 90's. I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING LIFESTYLE EITHER SON BUT GUESS WHAT? IT'S PRETTY FUCKING EASY TO SEE THAT MY LIFE ISN'T PERFECT AND HAS HIGHER FUCKING PRIORITIES THAN UPGRADING THIS PIECE OF SHIT. I try. Yes. I do in fact TRY to keep up to date. Pretty fucking hard for me to do as it turns out. Please, understand that this is all I have left. You have all the reason in the world to ignore me but please don't go after the one thing I have that I can use to socialize. I don't want to be [i]that guy[/i]. I'm begging you all, please. Edited: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I need help with my sleep cycle. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep so I pulled an all nighter. When I got home from school, I fell asleep from 1-8, and now I'm wide awake now at 2am. It's been like this for a few months, though I've been able to get probably 4 hours a night (from 2-6 or so). How can I fix my cycle? I have to be up at 6:30 every weekday morning for school, and work many mornings on weekends.

Finally got shit into order, going to most likely go for my GED test and drivers license, and hopefully have a job interview for an apprenticeship. I don't know why, but the one thing which seemed to take my mind off things was going back to the stuff I was taught as a child to control my ADD, which is basically debarking wood and doing minor engravings on it, considering picking up a burning tool again to do some artwork. For some reason though I feel like something is off...? For the past few weeks I have been having flashbacks to some pretty fucked up episodes of my childhood involving me and my sister at age seven and three beating down our father with a baseball bat and nine iron because he was attempting to attack our mom while he was drinking. Then drifting off to a similar episode when my dad accused my mom of cheating, and was basically threatening her and everything, and I ended up going into a mental breakdown, attacked him, threw him into a TV set, and was close to stabbing him a broken shard of glass before my mother pulled me off him. Then I go back to modern day and remind myself I am going down to Arizona to visit a very good friend of mine, and my subconscious keeps yanking me with this stupid question about why do I still care about her. I go back and forth between that because about three months after a break up she had I offered to take her on a date while I was in the area, and she declined saying it was to soon, then about two months later she started telling me about this guy she was meeting and all that, and how she felt he was the right guy. Sorta felt betrayed, but sucked up and dealed, and now with this day coming up, her and I are meeting up and I am not sure if I should bring it up. Gotta continue on with that maze I guess. [t]http://filmbalaya.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/wkmcreditbethlemroyalhosp_museumarchives.jpg[/t] [editline]4th February 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Prez;43781105]I need help with my sleep cycle. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep so I pulled an all nighter. When I got home from school, I fell asleep from 1-8, and now I'm wide awake now at 2am. It's been like this for a few months, though I've been able to get probably 4 hours a night (from 2-6 or so). How can I fix my cycle? I have to be up at 6:30 every weekday morning for school, and work many mornings on weekends.[/QUOTE] I usually just do something that requires my attention, and stay awake until about 8:00pm or 9:00pm, and then go to sleep.

Welp, I KNEW this would happen. A whole week of me and the boyfriend being nothing but happy once he came down here to visit me for the first time since we first got together. We both loved, laughed, were SO happy it was untrue. We both really needed that after frigging ages being with our exes and being miserable etc. I never knew I would be so happy. The most happiest I've been in frigging YEARS in fact. And what did I come back to the moment he left and when I logged onto Facebook yesterday? Being pulled back into all of this unexpected yet meaningless and childish drama from the fuck-ups here, including my ex, who no longer wish to make any contact with me. -.- Here we go again, making mountains out of fucking molehills... Playing Chinese whispers, once you think of it. Everyone seems to be back in the playground, and most of whom I'm talking about are all 19 or older! Fucking ridiculous. Of course I have blocked them, unlike many people here who choose to continue to be hurt by being friends with the wrong people. Welcome to my home, where almost everyone here lives off of bullshit and gossip. Well, THAT happiness was short-lived. I should have expected it really, considering I was born and grew up here. I long for my boyfriend to be here, I miss him so much already it hurts :( I long for the day he comes back :')

[QUOTE=pentium;43779211] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1266490&p=43779158&viewfull=1#post43779158[/url] THIS ISN'T MAKING ME FEEL ANY FUCKING BETTER. I'm already on the fucking edge with my problems. Yes I'm aware this is the internet but THIS isn't what I'm fucking here for! Who else do you think they are referring to? Me. Yes! Me! HA-HA, I"m the guy who can't fucking upgrade any of his shit and is the running joke around these parts because he's stuck in the 90's. I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING LIFESTYLE EITHER SON BUT GUESS WHAT? IT'S PRETTY FUCKING EASY TO SEE THAT MY LIFE ISN'T PERFECT AND HAS HIGHER FUCKING PRIORITIES THAN UPGRADING THIS PIECE OF SHIT. I try. Yes. I do in fact TRY to keep up to date. Pretty fucking hard for me to do as it turns out. Please, understand that this is all I have left. You have all the reason in the world to ignore me but please don't go after the one thing I have that I can use to socialize. I don't want to be [i]that guy[/i]. I'm begging you all, please. Edited: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH[/QUOTE] I think you need some professional help. Jokes aside, you're a bit of overreacting. Where's the guarantee you're the one being made fun of?

[QUOTE=pentium;43779211]I'm withdrawing from my university english courses. It's not even a real university course. It's just prep courses to upgrade. It's so humiliating when I'm in a grade 11 level class and I can't comprehend something as simple as an essay. The topics alone are enough to push my anxiety over, even with a doubled perscription dose. Succeeding in school, a point in a relationship, a best friend... I can't apply to these topics unless I completely lie and it looks so bad when I do because I honestly don't know half of what everyone else around me does at life. I want to withdraw from math as well because again I'm not even in a university course and I'm crashing and burning for a second consecutive term but my father insists I remain. I just want to go back to the factory floor where I was at least able to communicate with someone. I have not even talked face to face to ANYONE who remotely could be considered a friend in almost two months and believe me, it's not fun. The complaint is that if I just go back to my joe-job I will have no security but I'm sorry, job security is for people who can at least understand linear equations and prepositional phrases. As much as I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck I can assure you my name ain't written in the stars so I can just do what I've laways been told: Shut up you pansey and fucking deal with it. [editline]3rd February 2014[/editline] [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1266490&p=43779158&viewfull=1#post43779158[/url] THIS ISN'T MAKING ME FEEL ANY FUCKING BETTER. I'm already on the fucking edge with my problems. Yes I'm aware this is the internet but THIS isn't what I'm fucking here for! Who else do you think they are referring to? Me. Yes! Me! HA-HA, I"m the guy who can't fucking upgrade any of his shit and is the running joke around these parts because he's stuck in the 90's. I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING LIFESTYLE EITHER SON BUT GUESS WHAT? IT'S PRETTY FUCKING EASY TO SEE THAT MY LIFE ISN'T PERFECT AND HAS HIGHER FUCKING PRIORITIES THAN UPGRADING THIS PIECE OF SHIT. I try. Yes. I do in fact TRY to keep up to date. Pretty fucking hard for me to do as it turns out. Please, understand that this is all I have left. You have all the reason in the world to ignore me but please don't go after the one thing I have that I can use to socialize. I don't want to be [i]that guy[/i]. I'm begging you all, please. Edited: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH[/QUOTE] Not sure if you're joking, but here's advice: if you don't need a better computer than a Pentium 4, don't upgrade. I had a Pentium 4 for years, it served be pretty well. Of course, there were pleeeenty of better computers, but did I need a new one at that time? No. And I was happy with that. On an unrelated note, I've found the easiest solution so fix your depression. Exposure to sun. I swear today was the most sunniest day after 3 months or so. I live in Lithuania, so we have cold winters, we have sunlight for about 8 hours or so. The rest is night. So, today was a very sunny day, the sun's shining bright because spring's coming closer, but how is this related to depression? Vitamin D. The more your skin is exposed to sunlight (and stronger sunlight too), the more vitamin D your body makes. In case you didn't know, vitamin D is like the hormone of happiness. Someone said that taking a walk makes you much happier - now we have an explanation for that. It's not because you're walking, it's because the sun shines on you and you make vitamin D, which in turn makes you happier no matter what. I guess I just had that "winter depression" some people experience in areas with little sunlight. All is fixed now. Life is [B]goooooood[/B].

My bestfriend turned 18 today, and I made him a huge picture of the moments we've had from 1 1/2 years back. He is answering every birthday message except for me, that putted like 5 hours into it. I feel fucking terrible now, the last one I felt cared for me have just turned on me... Everyone have turned on me... I regret this morning, I've could have ended it all. It sounds so surreal to say it out loud, but now I feel like there is no point to be here anymore... I'm just to chicken to do it.

Hey awesome people, real quick question, do you guys know if sleep is as big a factor of mental health as my parents would like me to believe? Could it be important enough that it can contribute significantly to depression, anxiety and so on just from a consistent lack of it?

[QUOTE=Tark;43792638]Hey awesome people, real quick question, do you guys know if sleep is as big a factor of mental health as my parents would like me to believe? Could it be important enough that it can contribute significantly to depression, anxiety and so on just from a consistent lack of it?[/QUOTE] it's more the other way around imo. depression and anxiety causing sleep issues, but don't take my word for it. speaking from experience