Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

In my experience they both exacerbate each other in cycle of terribleness

[QUOTE=Tark;43792638]Hey awesome people, real quick question, do you guys know if sleep is as big a factor of mental health as my parents would like me to believe? Could it be important enough that it can contribute significantly to depression, anxiety and so on just from a consistent lack of it?[/QUOTE] Yeah I believe so, because sleep was the thing that ruined me, and my mood changes much more drastic which is a pain. But I got sleep issues too, so it's both to me. Depends on the person.

[QUOTE=Tark;43792638]Hey awesome people, real quick question, do you guys know if sleep is as big a factor of mental health as my parents would like me to believe? Could it be important enough that it can contribute significantly to depression, anxiety and so on just from a consistent lack of it?[/QUOTE] Depression usually made me lose sleep, or attempt to coax myself to stay awake at night, and sleep during the day. The main goal for me at least was to avoid my family so they wouldn't try talking to me about what was going on.

just saw this video [video=youtube;ltun92DfnPY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY#t=425[/video] I'm in tears. I don't know what to feel, I see so much I've been through in it. it feels weird that other people actually struggle, because deep inside I've convinced myself that I'm not a good person, that I'm just a burden. deep inside I've convinced myself that I'm the only person who is going through this, that I'm not normal. why bother fixing it, the damage has already been done. a broken bone can easily be fixed, a broken mindset will never fix. my mother was bullied too when she was young, and even in her mid 40's, she's still struggling. I'm already on the edge of going through with suicide, why should I bother living much longer when I see no happiness or reason for it? why do I have to be dependent on pills to not kill myself, and even if I'm on pills I'm not seeing any help in them. only thing they're doing is to keep me here. it's not fair. was it really my fault for being bullied? I was overweight at the time, and was already suffering from social anxiety. people bullying me on top of that managed to make me heavily depressed already as as fifth grader. self esteem was non exsistant. I see no light in the end of the tunnel. I see no hope, only more stumbling around in the dark. I don't want to live my life being dependent on a drug, nor do I want to live with myself. the mark has been burned, and it's not possible to remove anymore...

I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for this post but I really need to get this off my chest. I kinda not want to be gay anymore. I guess it's my new medication, but I don't really feel comfortable being a homosexual anymore. It's probably due to the fact that all of the homosexuals that I have encountered have some [I]serious[/I] issues and I'm not a hormone crazed teenager anymore. I know that the majority of homosexuals are not batshit insane, but after a lot of thinking I decided that it wouldn't be the best idea to pursue a homosexual lifestyle in this century. I was kinda bi anyways so this isn't that much of a big deal.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;43794355]I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for this post but I really need to get this off my chest. I kinda not want to be gay anymore. I guess it's my new medication, but I don't really feel comfortable being a homosexual anymore. It's probably due to the fact that all of the homosexuals that I have encountered have some [I]serious[/I] issues and I'm not a hormone crazed teenager anymore. I know that the majority of homosexuals are not batshit insane, but after a lot of thinking I decided that it wouldn't be the best idea to pursue a homosexual lifestyle in this century. I was kinda bi anyways so this isn't that much of a big deal.[/QUOTE] Why should you get flak for that? If that's what you want then it is nothing but everyone else's obligation to respect it. They don't necessarily have to agree with what you've decided but they should still accept that that's who you've decided to be and leave it.

This is for you. When Jurassic Park came back to theaters last year, I went to see it with somebody I barely knew. After the film, she told me something she noticed. She remembered that the seat belts used in the helicopter scene were both female ends, and realized that it was foreshadowing to the mechanism by which the dinosaurs were breeding. I could never have made that connection. At one point in the hospital, I was with a group of fellow patients outside. It was summer, it was hot, and somebody was complaining about the sun. The therapist said not to blame the sun. Without missing a beat, another patient said "Blame the parents." This patient was so disconnected from reality that at times she thought she was hospital staff. She was so smart that she made jokes like this instantly. Her jokes helped me through a very hard time. A professor of mine taught an Intro to Archaeology class that inspired in me a passion and direction that I hadn't felt for years. He helped me figure out what I wanted to do. There are so many more stories I could tell. I don't think any of these people know what they have done for me. Their thoughts and feelings are so different from my own, and that is amazing. Their perspectives, words and actions have enormous value to me. Even if I said this, I don't think they would really understand. What I want you to understand is that you are not normal. Fuck normal. There is no normal. Our differences mean we can learn from each other. This is so important that I am going to say it again. Our differences mean we can learn from each other. [B]You have value.[/B] Whether you save a drowning child or smile at a cashier, you are enriching lives of other people. Whether you fall in love with somebody or have an argument on a bus, other people are enriching your life. In ways small and large, we are connected by these interactions. If you are a hermit living on your own in the forest without human contact, you have value. What you see, hear and feel is just as valid as anybody else in the entire world. If you're in this thread, life probably really fucking sucks for you right now. I'm not going to say that I understand or that I've been there before because I'm not you and I don't understand and I haven't been there before. You alone understand (or maybe you don't and that's part of the problem [and that's okay!]) and you alone are there. [B]But[/B] you can connect with something or someone outside yourself. You don't have to be alone by yourself. You have value. We can see it even if you can't and even if we can't tell you and even if we tell you but you don't listen. You have value.

I get what you are saying, but the whole reason why I'm probably insane is because people trives to help me. I felt useless, I couldn't even live my own life. It started to grow and now I feel I ruined for everyone, when I just wanted to help. So I know I have value, but it's not much value to anyone anymore.

Not like I was fucking angry enough. My ex fucked off with his best friend's girlfriend, so they are obviously not best friends any more for that reason (That's not the problem, that's just the history bit). The best friend told me that he was distraught and sick to his stomach, because they are spreading shit about her being raped by him, not only that, but they said to HIS FACE "Yeah, we know we are lying, but you deserve the shit you're getting! LOL". I'm starting to doubt that ALL of her other exes apparently raped her in the past too. She mentioned that all of them raped her in the past, but I'm starting to think that is bullshit too, considering how much she lies and plays games and tricks on others, including myself in the past. Not to mention that she alsoplayed games with me by pretending to be friends with my ex who raped me, thinking it's "funny". Of course, I was shouted at by them just for telling them not to do that because it is obviously fucked up and wrong. I knew she hated me from the start, especially with the many mind games she played on me. This not only makes me angry and sick to my stomach too, but I was raped a few years ago, and also back when I was 13 and 14. And because of sick fucks like that who lie about rape, society now believes that rape is not serious, and tells most real victims of it to "get over it" or call them sluts who cry rape, what I have also been through. UGH. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born on this planet because of the many sick fucks who live in my area.

How do you get over with someone ? It's like more than 2-3 years and I still feel about that person and the state that I am just helpless there. It doesn't happen all the times but when hit a low.

I've been diagnosed with PTSD after an attempt on my life from over a year and a half ago. Because I haven't been showing signs of the possibility of hurting myself or others, my parents don't have to know, but I was suggested to go get more professional help. I'm asking this as more of a legal question than a "help" question, but do I have to continue seeing any form of doctor to treat my PTSD, or am I legally allowed to not have to go anywhere? I'm 19 years old, but I'm not sure about the legal process about PTSD. Thank you.

[QUOTE=huntingrifle;43804058]I've been diagnosed with PTSD after an attempt on my life from over a year and a half ago. Because I haven't been showing signs of the possibility of hurting myself or others, my parents don't have to know, but I was suggested to go get more professional help. I'm asking this as more of a legal question than a "help" question, but do I have to continue seeing any form of doctor to treat my PTSD, or am I legally allowed to not have to go anywhere? I'm 19 years old, but I'm not sure about the legal process about PTSD. Thank you.[/QUOTE] (going by United States law because the flag is under your avatar) Since you are over 18, you are an adult and can choose whether or not to be treated. That is your right.

Just got to know at the day of 4th February, a girl near where I live jumped in front of a train to commit suicide. I didn't know her personally, but it's weird to see so many hugging around each other. They are saying the nicest thing now, but do people really mean it? Why couldn't they say it earlier, because it could have saved her life...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;43806132]Just got to know at the day of 4th February, a girl near where I live jumped in front of a train to commit suicide. I didn't know her personally, but it's weird to see so many hugging around each other. They are saying the nicest thing now, but do people really mean it? Why couldn't they say it earlier, because it could have saved her life...[/QUOTE] They probably say only good things about dead people because they feel guilt that they weren't able to stop it. Did you know that girl?

and I'm back because of my minecraft server again. apparently some people on the server was upset about donor plugins I had added (to make it more appealing to donate since I'm really scraped for cash now and can't afford the server on my own). I joined the server and I immediately felt attacked by the people online. first thing I saw was someone calling me a cunt, then another one saying it was "fucking retarded" to do as I did. felt the anxiety grow like a motherfucker inside of me and I just wanted to leave. figured I had to stand for what I had done though, so I explained the situation to the best of my ability but continued to receive generally rude and negative response I felt. made me kind of upset since I had posted about it days beforehand anything was done, and I had consulted with some regulars on the server about it before doing adding stuff. some minutes went by, anxiety and panic growed like hell and I felt I got more and more negative response and more name calling. then I cracked down, couldn't take it anymore. I felt so attacked, so alone, so wrong. it felt like I had done everything wrong, that I was bringing the server in the wrong direction. it really hit my limit, and I feel like a huge failure now. I don't want to run the server anymore. it was just so much to me, and I've cried my eyes dry. I don't know what to do anymore. decided to backpedal with every plugin and removed the donator thing. I can't take this at all so I'd rather remove it all instead of dealing with verbal harassment.

[QUOTE=Antivirus_404;43808492]They probably say only good things about dead people because they feel guilt that they weren't able to stop it. Did you know that girl?[/QUOTE] No, but people I know knew her. But I was thinking about doing it the same day and I see that she had friends. I feel bad, because if I said that I thought about doing it, people would send me to a therapist again...

[QUOTE=PredGD;43809968]and I'm back because of my minecraft server again. apparently some people on the server was upset about donor plugins I had added (to make it more appealing to donate since I'm really scraped for cash now and can't afford the server on my own). I joined the server and I immediately felt attacked by the people online. first thing I saw was someone calling me a cunt, then another one saying it was "fucking retarded" to do as I did. felt the anxiety grow like a motherfucker inside of me and I just wanted to leave. figured I had to stand for what I had done though, so I explained the situation to the best of my ability but continued to receive generally rude and negative response I felt. made me kind of upset since I had posted about it days beforehand anything was done, and I had consulted with some regulars on the server about it before doing adding stuff. some minutes went by, anxiety and panic growed like hell and I felt I got more and more negative response and more name calling. then I cracked down, couldn't take it anymore. I felt so attacked, so alone, so wrong. it felt like I had done everything wrong, that I was bringing the server in the wrong direction. it really hit my limit, and I feel like a huge failure now. I don't want to run the server anymore. it was just so much to me, and I've cried my eyes dry. I don't know what to do anymore. decided to backpedal with every plugin and removed the donator thing. I can't take this at all so I'd rather remove it all instead of dealing with verbal harassment.[/QUOTE] I know people that would donate to the server even if they don't get any privileges. Do not underestimate the friendliness of people.

Exactly, I'm glad I didn't happen to be the one who took my life that day because it doesn't seem to been good to anyone.

[QUOTE=Matthew0505;43815610]They don't actually care but they don't want to look like an asshole; kind of how people say they care about starving African children to not look like a cold hearted person, but really don't give a rat's ass.[/QUOTE] Maybe for some of the people this is true. Maybe even for most, but I don't think this is true for everyone. I know how hard it can be to simply [i]remember[/i] all of the nice things that other people do for me, let alone be able to properly express my gratitude. There are plenty of people I know that I have high opinions of, but when I think about it I realize I don't express it in a proportional amount, and when these people are suddenly, permanently gone from our lives, all of these things come flooding back to you at once, and you realize just how much you were never able to thank them for. So, I guess, sharing stories of our gratitude with other grievers for what they did can be a way of dealing with it. There are some out there who pay respects out of social obligation, but I don't think they're a majority. [editline]7th February 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=pentium;43779211]I'm withdrawing from my university english courses. It's not even a real university course. It's just prep courses to upgrade. It's so humiliating when I'm in a grade 11 level class and I can't comprehend something as simple as an essay. The topics alone are enough to push my anxiety over, even with a doubled perscription dose. Succeeding in school, a point in a relationship, a best friend... I can't apply to these topics unless I completely lie and it looks so bad when I do because I honestly don't know half of what everyone else around me does at life.[/QUOTE] Do you... Mind if I ask you to elaborate a bit on this? My little brother also has a major issue with writing essays. Invariably, when asked to write about a topic, he simply seizes up. Nothing he can write is good enough, and when given suggestions or asked questions that are supposed to help get him started, he can't find words. It's stunning, actually, he tries to talk but he gasps and flounders like the air has been knocked out of him. Inevitably, each essay has ended with him breaking down, and eagerly accepting a failing grade, since that's far easier for him to cope with. I ask because it sounds like you might have a similar issue, and you [i]actually talk about it[/i]. I love my little brother to death, and can say that I know him better than any other human being ever. Given how incredibly anti-social he is, the amount of things he says to me is unreal by anyone else's standards, and yet even to me [i]he can't speak a word about it.[/i] Maybe if you can give me a little insight, I can help him out better next time he has an essay to write. It would mean a lot to me.

Does anyone have any good suggestions on how to stop remembering past experiences, moreover very subtle embarrassments. I would just be walking or in my room and suddenly I remember doing something stupid and embarrassing from high school and I get physically tense without actively doing so. It's like every time I remember something embarrassing from a long time ago, I get "lost" in thinking about for less than 3 seconds, where I only see that memory and everything else is blacked out until I snap out of it. It happens to me at least 10 times a day, and it bothers me more physically than mentally; my body becomes really tense, and my body isn't used to just randomly getting tense. The tenseness is mostly in my shoulders, upper chest, and upper arms, but sometimes when it's bad it gets my entire body in a "out-of-body" feeling, and when I "come back" I feel really, really tight and tense. Thank you. EDIT: On another note, does anyone have any idea why deja-vu can happen so often? I swear that at least once a day something happens and I realize I've experienced the exact same thing in a dream that I don't remember really having, and I only recall the dream right after the deja-vu moment occurs. Thanks again.

I would just like to post here to thank Facepunch over the years. Been here since '06, but I'm more of a lurker than a poster. I would just like to say thank you all. You don't know it, but you've saved me from countless suicidal episodes. When I'm at my lowest all I have to do is lurk for a bit. Namely LMAO Pics; just something as simple as a funny picture can save someones life.

((Yes I know, I get all shy and get my words jumbled up whenever the camera's on...)) Hopefully this will help some of you guys, I've filmed this today. Yes, I do have a positive mindset sometimes too! [video=youtube;Bvb583z7aTE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvb583z7aTE[/video]

It's a good video, believe me, while you might stumble on your words a bit, it's not as bad as you think, I'd probably flub doing a video even worse, and I don't face the challenges you do! It may not be a flashy, perfectly edited video, but what you're saying comes from the hard school of experience and from the heart and that's worth way more than flashy editing.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;43839871]It's a good video, believe me, while you might stumble on your words a bit, it's not as bad as you think, I'd probably flub doing a video even worse, and I don't face the challenges you do! It may not be a flashy, perfectly edited video, but what you're saying comes from the hard school of experience and from the heart and that's worth way more than flashy editing.[/QUOTE] Well to tell you the truth, I want to help people and I also enjoy helping others, but I absolutely hate my YouTube videos. I've only just watched them all today, and thought "What the hell? Why have I uploaded these throguhout the years? All of these don't get down to the point at all and it's all me-me-me!" Watching them has also shattered my confidence once again. Better get deleting... :v:

Nope, don't delete them, the fact that you struggle with recording but at the same time do it and upload it for people to see can help inspire others who want to do the same but are struggling with the worries you have. And of course its me-me-me, because you're making your videos from your experience, so it can't really be anything but that, but it's not in a bad, egotistical, selfish way.

Therapy went well. We increased my dose of Celexa from 10mg to 20mg. And he thinks I'm Schizoaffective Depressive type instead of Bipolar type. Everything is great though. The Celexa has helped me with a couple things like nerves and anxiety. My depression (doctor told me I was depressed) is kind of hard to analyze. I am not sure if I feel depressed or not. I'm a lot happier now that my brother is out of jail.

[QUOTE=huntingrifle;43824457]Does anyone have any good suggestions on how to stop remembering past experiences, moreover very subtle embarrassments. I would just be walking or in my room and suddenly I remember doing something stupid and embarrassing from high school and I get physically tense without actively doing so. It's like every time I remember something embarrassing from a long time ago, I get "lost" in thinking about for less than 3 seconds, where I only see that memory and everything else is blacked out until I snap out of it. It happens to me at least 10 times a day, and it bothers me more physically than mentally; my body becomes really tense, and my body isn't used to just randomly getting tense. The tenseness is mostly in my shoulders, upper chest, and upper arms, but sometimes when it's bad it gets my entire body in a "out-of-body" feeling, and when I "come back" I feel really, really tight and tense. Thank you. EDIT: On another note, does anyone have any idea why deja-vu can happen so often? I swear that at least once a day something happens and I realize I've experienced the exact same thing in a dream that I don't remember really having, and I only recall the dream right after the deja-vu moment occurs. Thanks again.[/QUOTE] Sounds like ADHD. It happens to me, just doing something then suddenly you're consumed with a random thought which distracts you from absolutely everything and you literally can't do anything else for a few minutes until it goes away. You can try to ignore it but the mental effort needed to distract yourself from it would just distract you from real life or anything that matters anyway. It's ruining my life and nothing seems to help. I've had physical assaults and muggings happen a few times, often from making bad decisions that led me into them, and I think about them every day and they come up in my thoughts at random times and I can't stop thinking about them, even during things like sex and driving where my concentration should be 100% on one task. I can't stop thinking about why I made those decisions.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;43840101]Well to tell you the truth, I want to help people and I also enjoy helping others, but I absolutely hate my YouTube videos. I've only just watched them all today, and thought "What the hell? Why have I uploaded these throguhout the years? All of these don't get down to the point at all and it's all me-me-me!" Watching them has also shattered my confidence once again. Better get deleting... :v:[/QUOTE] Put it this way, us just being friends and you being there to talk to and your youtube videos, helped me a lot more than you realise, without any of them, I'd have probably fell into a deep pit of depression that i wouldnt have been able, nor wanted, to get out of. Given the way that I am, you just being there as a friend for me, probably saved my life, I'm 100% serious about this. Especially now, given that we're together (Yes guys, I'm [I]that[/I] boyfriend, there, I said it, and proud to!) Any problem I face can go fuck itself with a particularly spiky cactus, because none of it matters, because I'm with a wonderful, awesome, generous and kind person like you! You may stumble through your videos, but they come from the heart and from experience, so flashy editing doesn't matter, nor does messing up your words, because you're coming from your heart not a script! So chin up Little Bit!

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;43840257]Sounds like ADHD. It happens to me, just doing something then suddenly you're consumed with a random thought which distracts you from absolutely everything and you literally can't do anything else for a few minutes until it goes away. You can try to ignore it but the mental effort needed to distract yourself from it would just distract you from real life or anything that matters anyway. It's ruining my life and nothing seems to help. I've had physical assaults and muggings happen a few times, often from making bad decisions that led me into them, and I think about them every day and they come up in my thoughts at random times and I can't stop thinking about them, even during things like sex and driving where my concentration should be 100% on one task. I can't stop thinking about why I made those decisions.[/QUOTE] I thought ADHD would be more along the lines of you not being able to sit still, while ADD was the one where you can't concentrate for long periods of time. Either way, I haven't experienced anything like this until around the time I was diagnosed with PTSD, and it's not even the things that caused my PTSD, but a ton of stupid things I did in the past that I just think "Wow, I was so stupid, I embarrassed myself so badly". That's also a problem with above-average long-term memory, you never really forget thigns you wish you could.

ADD and ADHD fall under the same umbrella. What people would have called ADD before is now called ADHD-inattentive. They just stick them under the same umbrella to stop confusing and separating them as different disorders.